Sewing Machine Necklace

Konabanwa~~~~~~~

I keep waking at 6:30am this  week its very annoying ><
I got ready for school i ended up with quite a lot of free time
enough time to have a fuss of the pigs usually all i have time for is to get them out
and let them have a run around then mum puts them home 
Think its because I didnt do much hair and make-up wise

School was alright really
nothing special to report 
did some painting using hands and some paper mache
good at getting messy stuff out ;)
they did p.e. today instead of tomorrow as its science week this week
and the whole school is taking part in a science experiment
i have a feeling its liquids this year
last year i remember being in year 6 helping them with their experiments which was biscuits
wish is was biscuits again this year!! all those spare biscuits! *0*

I came home feeling quite done in
throat was raw, headache, no energy and nose felt like it had water up it
so i went to bed
and woke up 2 hours later!!! ><

then sat with my girls
did some cross stitch
looked at pet names online just incase i get another bunny i like to have a look at names for inspiration. god some times i just want a baby bunny to cuddle!!
im missing my prince A LOT

i had yoga tonight
our end position was Crow
now usually i cant do crow as it involves supporting your whole body on your hands
and usually im not strong enough but tonight i just did it!! and i held it for over 5 seconds too!!!
i was really shocked actually my teacher was impressed ^^

came home and had a look at bras online
but i cant buy bras online its really something you have to try on
im throwing them out but not replacing i have some left but theyre all under-wired
and under-wired isnt comfy im down to last non-wired one :/
so me and mum said we'd go shopping next week or something

tomorrow after school me and mum are going TK MAXX i believe
they even may have bras but its rare to find my small size there!!

I took a photo of the sewing machine necklace i picked up from the charity shop last thursday

 

Confessions

Evening~~

I got up for school
another lonely morning without prince
mum cleans the girls out on a wednesday whilst im at school
usually she has tiffin weaving in and out of her legs and hoping into cages, picking up hay
but of course hes not there
she said she felt a bit upset and almost lost control of her tears

school was easy really
and it was a lovely day also
i came home had lunch - cheese on toast wooo

then went wilkos with mum
came back did a good hour of cross stitching
then at 3:30pm went to pick adam from the gym he was sweaty XD

went to his house, he got me a drink adn i sat and waited for him to shower
he offered if i wanted to shower with him but we all know the response he got for that one XD
he asked just to get a reaction out of me and i know it but still cant help giving that reaction
so i waited like the good nun that i was and waited on his bed

we went on ipad and looked at places to visit when we go away
then we played on pokemon on DS then i watched him play (he had internet access i didnt)
then he cuddled me and told me
"can i tell you something"
"of course"
"I really want to go out with you Jo"
"is there a but coming?"
"no, no buts. I havent asked you out yet because I dont want to rush you or stress you or for you to push me away so im giving you time"
"well your doing ok so far. im happy at the moment. just give me a lil more time and im sure you'll know if theres a right time to ask or it may never happen who knows. but if you keep being good and getting your gold stars on your sticker chart you never know"
at that point i got a bad tickling XD i hate being tickled!! but i couldnt resist haha
its nice someone saying that kinda thing to me as i do feel like ever since i got sick that im 'damaged goods' in a way and 'who would want me' people my age tend to be in relationships already or theyre the kinda people you dont want to even know. so i didnt hold a lot of hope for someone being interested in me. who'da thought XD
so we're still taking one day at a time
but jeezz that guy is patient!

just as i was leaving his parents turn up ><
i havent met his parents
they were nice normal people ^^
his mum used to be TA so we were talking about the job and i saw his dad briefly 
adam txt to say they liked me :) when i had left for home

then not done a lot tonight really
tomorrow its yogaaaaaaa and school of course
boo  hate school on thursdays and fridays

i got 2 new posters in the post
for a bargin of £2.80 from japan
from the anime 'kiss on my deity' theyre double sides but i liked this side best

 

HolikaHolika Concealer

Evening~~~

Lonely with out my prince :(
I have to stop myself saying habits like "whats prince done today mum?" "how is tiffin?"
I still look for him out my window in the garden
Im sad without him

I got up for school, Id slept quite well
but my throat was really quite bad

School was alright I was able to stay in the classroom
a lot with the child which meant that I didnt need to personally
entertain the child. Which makes me life much easier :)

I came home and had lunch 
I spoke to mum about rabbits
i must sound like a broken record to her 
Then I went to bed as I had a bad headache, sore throat and just tired

I got up then had a brew then went to karen's
talked to her about stuff. she said my body wasnt in great condition
but thats understandable what with losing tiffs and having a sore throat

came home and i was suppose to be going a walk with mia
but she cancelled due to a headache 
so thats tara cancel yesterday and mia today
do i smell or something? XD
suppose to being adam tomorrow, will it be a hat trick?

tomorrow is school
but wednesdays are easy for me
p.e. and music so i dont have to do any entertaining!! i say entertaining i mean teaching really XD

I took a photo of some make-up I ordered
the brand is HolikaHolika I have a few of their products cus theyre good quality actually
my concealer was running low and it was pretty rubbish actually. quite cakey and didnt sit on my skin well so i wanted to try a different brand and thought id try this one

i was impressed actually as its so soft and smooth
i only use concealer and powder and blush on my face no foundation, creams, contouring
im not into putting that much make-up on my face it doesnt suit me at all im too pale for any of that and i dont think it gives a cute fresh feel which is what i aim for
my concealer came with 2 free sachets of face cream~

Bunny Rabbit Nails

Evening~~

I got up for school
I didn't really want to start my morning
simply because it was my first working morning with tiffin
my routine has been taken
his little face would light up my day start my morning

I got to school and sorted a few bits and pieces out ready for the day
i hardly have any voice so it was hard going at times
we got the work done and had time to play and stuff
it was a quick and easy day

came home and had lunch then collapsed on my bed for a while
i was suppose to be seeing tara but she ended up working late
so in the end i saw adam
he made his way over and we went for a walk together which was nice
and then we just sat and had a brew 
he cheered me up i guess 

now just in my room
with out tiffin
i can tell mum doesnt want me to have another bunbun
but i feel like having a rabbit is a pleasure to me, a hobby almost and i feel like why should i have to give that up? yes i work now and i didnt used to there for i had more time for my pets but i've always managed, why should i give up what i love just cus of work? surely my pleasures are more important than my career. i dont want to just work all my life i want my own life and do my own things and chill out and do my own stuff
im so confused right now
i dont know what i want to do in life right now
trying not to think about the future cus it only stresses me out and gets me down

school tomorrow
then should be seeing mia that evening which should be nice
here are this week's nails i took a photo of my left hand for a change

I must say today the child i work with i told her about tiffin
well after that i think every member of staff knew about my rabbit
as she couldnt help but tell everyone
she even picked up a grey rabbit toy and came to sit with me and gave me the rabbit
now i dont usually think children are sweet but that moment i believed was a sweet moment.
i just got fed up of telling people about tiffin it was like rubbing salt in a wound

Kitty Cafe photos

Afternoon

God I'm so bored!!! it's only 3pm but cus i'm so bored
im doing my blog now just for something to do!!
I've had a sore throat since friday
but only this morning did it manifest into something more -___-
I woke up feeling hot but I was shivering I ached and had a bad headache
then til about 1pm I was dashing to the toilet like every 20mins
i feel empty
God damn viruses!! my immune system is seriously crap
so of course I txted adam to say I wasnt coming out
cus really at that time I couldnt leave the bathroom not that he was gonna know that XD
He was disappointed but at least he could do something with his sunday
ive done bugger all!!!

I did some cross stitching, japanese, went on my laptop
i actually went to research rabbits. naughty i know
but I wanted to see how easy/hard it was to find a proper rabbit breeder
 tiffin was from pets at home
which is a chain pet store and i dont know where they get their rabbits from
and im not conviced theyre not inbred or something
sky my first rabbit was pedigree and from white post farm
he lived til 6 and was healthy til he had a bone infection
so im thinking of not going pets at home this time. theyre rabbits are cheaper and come with free vaccinations which is great and they get a health check. so it starts off good but i just wonder if in the long run its the best thing to do 
kip was from a random pet shop and god knows where they get their rabbits from.

It turned out to be very hard to find a legit seller of bunnies
tara said she'd give me the number of the breeder she got hers from
so thats something
then i got in contact with white post farm
they will have some bunnies available from 7th april but you can reserve them 31st march
that would be perfect as i promised mum if i got another one it would be after ive been away with adam. im still unsure on weather id like another or not
but i feel like i know theyre there IF i do want one
plus it gives me a few weeks to see how i cope 
today i've missed him like mad just cus ive been home alone a lot today

tomorrow it's school once again
booooo i cant be bothered to go with the way im feeling
and the fact i have done nothing with my weekend
gotta work 5 days til i can have some fun

im gonna paint rabbits on my nails tonight

tomorrow tara said i can go over and see her boys
i miss the touch of a bunny
might give her some food tiffin had open. no point in it going off
adam is disappointed cus we didnt meet but also because our schedules dont fit
this week so it looks like he's gotta wait til the weekend to see me i cant remember last time i say him actually. i'll survive with out him. i dont survive without tiffin
anyway i uploaded photos from kitty cafe

we had a whole sofa to our selves and a cat soon came and played with helina's bag XD

Then a tissue fell outta my pocket and it was destroyed

we saw this cat which looks liked a freakin' lion

i mean just check out his paws they were huge like a lions!!

I had earl grey tea cus i love the way they serve tea here :D so cute

I ate a cheese and baked bean panini (my combo!!) it was amazing!!! i love beans and cheese
helina had pizza cus she doesnt eat many different foods haha very fussy eater i have to say

we just went round taking photos
but i have to say i feel there was a lot less cats than last time we went 

 

Said my goodbyes to Tiffin

Last night I fell asleep from exhaustion 
i dreamed of tiffin.
i held him in my arms i could feel his weight and fur.
i told him i loved him and that I always will.
i woke up and my arms where in the position of me cradling him how i used to. 
i fell into a peaceful sleep. when i woke up in the morning i found my tiffin plush and kip plush on the floor...
now they never fall on the floor from my bed it's usually my bigger toys if any. so have both these 2 felt a little strange. i cant even remember the last time my tiffin plush had fallen from my bed. so i know it wasnt real but i feel i've said my goodbye to him.  
It feels like I have a little closure even though I know it wasnt real.
But it was a sweet dream. It did freak me out a bit finding my Tiffin and Kip plush on the floor I have to say and I told mum.

I didn't do much today
i cleaned out his cage. mum offered to do it. but i wanted to do it.
i felt it was my responsibility no matter how sad
im not going to wash his blanket though i want to keep it the way it is.
i havent chucked his toys out of my room yet. I have held onto a lot of stuff
simply in case I get another bunbun 

I went out at 10am with mum to the shops
and brought Tiffin a little 'gravestone' and put it where he's buried
we have quite the little cemetery going now
it all looks a bit messy I know but we tend to clean it in spring when the horrid
winter weather has passed.
 I hope he rests in peace
the ornament is quite fitting as he used to lay like that

 I do feel a loss without him. I have been thinking about 'another one'
a part of me thinks 'hell life is too short just get another one and enjoy it'
 another part of me thinks i shouldn't be bogged down with a rabbit, to enjoy my youth and not have the worry that i have a rabbit waiting at  home,
 i also want to go abroad and maybe even work abroad and i feel maybe i wouldnt want to leave a rabbit behind if i did go abroad. i know my mum would take care of it if  i did go away but she wouldnt be too thrilled about it.

I plan on having a little talk with mum tonight just about rabbits
just feel i want to say a few things out loud instead of typing them.

I have been fussing my piggies
theyre doing alright
I wonder if they know the prince isnt here anymore

I slept for 3 hours today to escape reality 
I havent done anything really today
I sat in front of the TV watching Bridget Jones Diary whilst hand sewing
the sausage dog i started for dad ages ago i never finished
i got it done so at least i've done something today i guess.

Tomorrow Im suppose to be seeing adam
we had planned to go to the city centre
but im gonna see how i feel cus currently i just feel physically and mentally drained 
we were planning on playing bowling but i dont feel like i could enjoy myself tomorrow
i mean i dont mind meeting up i guess but i dont know what im gonna be in the mood to do
i know moping around doesnt help matters but i do feel the spark i have has vanished
since tiffin has gone. 
time is a good healer i know but not much time has passed its all a bit raw.
and im feeling fragile with it all.
i miss him too much

♥Tiffin♥

Today my heart broke
I'm not going to sugar coat it
Today Tiffin passed away

I can't believe I've even had to type that sentence
It's set me off crying again I'm afraid

4 hours ago I got home to find my mum at the front door telling me to come in
instantly I knew something was wrong (I thought I'd done something wrong!!)
Then I thought 'crap is it pinky? has she died?'
She started to cry and said "you know what I'm going to say don't you?"
"no, mum please whats happened? I want to know"
She eventually got out the words

"At 1pm Tiffin passed away. I'm so sorry Jo. I had seen him only a few minutes
previously as I was putting the girls outside. I heard a few thumping noises, went into
the shed and he was just laying there outside his cage. I just knew he had gone. I went to go
see if he had really just died and he had. I thought about rushing him to the vets but I knew
he had just passed away. I think he'd had a heart attack or a fit and just gone. I rang dad he came
home immediately and agreed tiffin had passed away and we buried him together. I'm so sorry.
I didn't want to tell you until you were home"

Well after that I think I must have reacted the way a mother is told their child has passed away
I was just shaking sobbing mess
I was just numb and trying to form words over my crying
I needed to know everything
mum said he'd been fine all morning he had a treat and been out with the girls, eating the grass,
had a fuss. just normal happy bunny
Heck before i went to work I was chasing and playing with him and gave him a treat. He'd even jumped
into the girls run this morning (without them in it) and I had to get him out! such a scamp.
He was totally fine

It's shocking how quickly life can be taken from us
I never saw this coming. truly I didn't.
In a way I'm glad I didn't have to put him down but this was just so unexpected
yes he still had lil cough still which was going and was still on daily anti-biotics
but apart from that he was perfectly healthy
he'd put weight on since he got sick. he was doing fine.
and now hes gone.

I've never bonded with a rabbit as quickly as I did tiffin
there was something about him that from the second I saw him I knew
it had to be him. He was meant for me and my family
He settled in well and was very social with my family and guineas
and just became a part of the family in the short 2 years we had him.

I can't express my sadness and heart ache.
I am going to miss him so much. Mum said she will miss him and she cried too
he was the closest she'd ever been with any of my rabbits
My love for him was so deep. I would have done anything for him
No matter how crap my day had been, just seeing his little face would make my own face smile
and everything would feel better instantly because he just made me feel happy
he was truly my best friend and we were there for each other
some people may think it's sad that i was this close my bunny
but i dont care I loved him and he was very loved, cared for, appreciated, cherished and spoiled

I wish tiffin wasnt ripped away from my life as suddenly as he was
id do anything to get him back but i know life isn't like that
so i resign myself to saying
X please rest in peace tiffin X
I will always love you
and thank you for the precious memories you gave to me
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My first rabbit Sky I got 8th March 2005
Tiffin my last rabbit died 10th March 2017
I have owned rabbits for 12 years
I'm 25
So for almost half my life I've had a rabbit
it's going to be very hard with out one
It's too soon to talk about 'another one'
my parents have never denied me of another rabbit
but mum said she'd like me to wait for a bit
she'd told me that when I lost Kip but 2 days later I found Tiffin!
So we shall see. You never know what the future holds
personally I have said that IF I decide that I do in fact want another bunny
then I'd like a female. Because I feel I will never get another beautiful prince like tiffin again