Otsukaresama desu~~~
I didn't sleep and still have bad nausea
not sure when im gonna feel better
i was so tired for school today i could have been doing without going
but of course i push my corpse to go
I was in year2 all morning which wasnt too bad
i was with the child i sometimes care for and she was being a lil difficult
then i went to lunch i had taken my car this morning as it was pouring down
so i drove home mum had made soup ^^
i rested the cycled back to school cus its so much easier to cycle home than
drive when school has finished cus the sheer amount of cars is nuts
the day went pretty quickly i was in year 4 after lunch then year 2 end of the day
I got home and fell asleep for almost 2 hours
then I got up and did some sewing cus i wanted to feel like id achieved something with my day
i was hoping adam's scissors would come so i could make a bag but no such luck
hopefully tomorrow!
adam said his back is really bad and is thinking of going
to the chiropractor my parents use
its not cheep but he needs help and i hope he chooses to get it
tomorrow i will be seeing him at some point probably for lunch
before he goes to work as usual
then i will continue making these bows. i would like to do some japanese and yoga too!
its karen's birthday today
i made her a card! i tried drawing a labrador as she owns two
Evening
I woke up lots in the night with bad nausea
really felt like I was gonna be sick
then I woke up bloody starving i even thought about going to get some food
but told myself to get a grip
My morning was a total utter waste
I couldnt find templates for things
i couldnt get to grips with other bits and pieces
so in the end it soon came round to needing to pick adam up
he told me yesterday he'd be finished at 12:30-12:45
he txted at 12:00 saying he'd finished
well it'd take me 15mins to get there as i wasnt prepared for his earlyness!
he said he'd catch the bus
I told him id meet him off the bus stop
so he txt later saying he was 10mins away
I quickly left the house leaving my house keys and phone behind - not wanting to be late i just went basically
but through one reason or another we missed one another and couldnt communicate
he'd ended up walking to my house and then walked back and found me
safe to say he wasnt impressed and he had every right to be mad but he didnt have ago with me but i could tell it had annoyed him
he was a lil off with me in the sense that he didnt have much patience today
so i felt a lil down hearted with him today but it was my fault
if i had taken my phone none of it would have happened
his back was also hurting him and pain makes you not yourself
I haven't done much else apart from finish vampire diaries series 1! wooo!
and I sorted my hair bows out ready for sewing
a lady from the mental health team rang me to book in my appt which is a 30mins phone call but the earliest they had was 8th June - for a phone call! they must be so busy
i hope i dont crack before then
tomorrow i have school
i know it will be an easy enough day but im just so tired i cant be bothered to go
i will of course just could be doing without it really
here is a top and skirt i got for £9 i love it as its such an easy fabric to wear and iron not like typical cosplay material cant believe i got a top and skirt for just nine quid. the down side is which i soon learned is that i cant get my head through the gap so i need to unstitch a bit and put a press stud in.
no big deal really
Otsukaresama desu~
Jozu here~~
I didn't sleep well
and felt quite done in from yesterdays treatments
My stomach has been complaining all day at me like it knows it's been tampered with XD
Ive also had bad nausea like allllll day
but hopefully that might mean my acupuncture is working?
I got to school wearing my new pompom hair bow I brought online for like £1.11 I think
the children loved it ^^ im childish arent i that i like the same things they do XD
I got to class and had to go find a teacher to prep me with what i was actually doing for the day
i got told and it was all relatively easy
i was on tea and toast duty then i had to spend a bit of time with girl i worked with last term as im in her class now for 6 weeks so it feels similar to last term but im being a classroom teaching assistant instead of a 1 to 1 support
Then it was P.E. which was outside in the lovely weather we had today although i was still in my coat despite a few members of staff saying "you wont need that!"
Then it was breaktime and we did a bit or work as a class
then lunch time and mummy brought me home for lunch
we bathed the guinea pigs cus jeez they stunk and put them outside to dry
they dried really fast with the good weather
mum took me back to school
we did some colouring in
and other work and it was soon the end of the day
at the beginning of the day i had spoke to the dept head who was also my mentor when i was still student last year. i know she it training in mental health and has a daughter who suffers with depression so i feel i can talk to her. if i know someone understands or is a fellow sufferer i will talk and i told her i was going to refer myself to get some help she said she was going to ask me friday to make sure i had done it
I got home and refereed myself
took some guts but ive done it now so i will wait to here from em
i didnt do much after that as i went for a walk with mia
mia made me feel soooooooooooo much better
and so much more normal too
i tried to tell mum how i was feeling with adam but i wasnt quite getting the understanding from her, but with mia it sounds identical to how she was when she first went out with rob and im so relieved as i was wondering if i was just being crazy and insecure but she reassured me i was being normal
and this is why shes my lovely sister~~~
Im gonna make some hair bows i think
so im gonna raid my fabric tonight
i ordered online so beard scissors for adam cus he says the new ones he brought arent very good and it took him 30mins to remove the mass of hair he had on that face of his he looked like a hobo haha nah he wasnt that bad he just let it get a lil long so i thought id buy him some new ones as a random surprise, not very exciting but i got some sharp looking black ones i hope he will appreciate :)
tomorrow doing what i please in the morning
then seeing adam in the after noon
Konbanwa~~
I woke up at 7:45am as I needed to get to karen's for 9am
I took her birthday present over
I was greeted by her two dogs X3 Jeez they about knocked me flying!
They just barrel in to you and theyre not small and lite!
It felt good to have a massage I am once again loose!
But not only that it gets my circulation going so all day I have been warm
instead of a cold corpse :)
I came home and felt not good to be honest
Id showered and gone to bed
woke up to find a message on my phone from adam that he
was waiting in the cafe for me
woops...
I got there and apologized he was fine with it luckily
I paid for lunch cus i wanted to
had chicken, cheese and sweet chili panini :D
Then we went over to his house
spoke with his dad for a bit
then we went in his room for the remainder really
and for once I didnt need to rob his body heat cus I was warm ^^
didnt stop him from giving me cuddles tho
Then I left at 3:30pm so we didnt have long together but it was still good to see him
I came home and had a brew with mum
then we went to the acupuncturist who was very nice and had a cozy lil room
mum sat with me whilst I answered questions about myself
shes handy to have there at times cus some stuff i cant remember
He gave me 9 needles in total for my first session
3 in my stomach the rest of them down my legs from the knee cap down
he didnt pick any over sensitive points as id expressed that i wasnt keen on it all
I squirmed a lil bit i have to say but he told me that squirming and moving cane cause
some discomfort so i was telling myself to be still
I did really well and it wasnt as painful as last time
that does not mean i enjoyed it
he brought over a heat lamp and placed it over my stomach i felt like a lizard XD
But it was nice way of keeping warm i guess
then pulling the needles out wasnt great
I felt a lil sick afterwards but soon got back to normal
booked in again for tuesday~
came home and now gonna get ready for school tomorrow
and attempt more of that form!!
Here is a top I altered I stitched the bunny and bow onto it nothing special really
Evening~~
I was rudely woken this morning to the sound of my selfish
neighbours letting their dog out to bark at 6:45am
i mean who does that really
peed me off considering I didnt have a good night
but then when do i
I read today that those who don't sleep well dont burn calories off as quick
and can be prone to type 2 diabetes
This morning I decided to ring the agency and talk money with them
they agreed and put my pay up ;)
other phone call i needed to make was to the acupuncturist....
he has got me in for 4:45 tomorrow..
I didnt think Id be getting in so fast actually
and I am bricking it now
I am dead anxious about it simply cus last time I had it - it worked - but I hated
every single damn moment
but I keep telling myself "it will be different this time"
we shall see!
I also have karen tomorrow at 9am
2 apps in one day!
I then made a start to finish the bows from yesterday
but i hated them so i gave up on them
i watched a bit more of vampire diaries
and spent my morning hovering round mum
Lunch time came and then adam came over to me
he told me about his day yesterday competing
sounds like he did well just his back is a lil sore from twisting and throwing
He cuddled me for a lil while I almost dropped off to sleep XD
I asked him what his parents must think of me for not going yesterday and choosing not to work all week. He told me "well i think theyve worked out theres something not quite right with you and besides you came over saturday looking pale and tired"
great -____- i went over on saturday looking like death
I asked him "have you told them about me?"
"no I havent I told them you have some health issues but I felt it was better coming from you the whole story rather than me saying it"
I think I will fill them in one day
I dropped him off at 6pm
I was tired well still am to be honest!
I said Id see him tomorrow I would meet him for lunch then go over to his house
come back for a lil while then go acupuncture mum says she'll take me~
so thats tomorrow
Here is another t-shirt I got £4.50 new
Evening all~~
I got up at 8:15am
I stayed in pajamas til about 2pm X3
I managed to get many of my jobs done
I finished the skirt I was working on finally
I made Karen a birthday card I attempted at drawing a labrador
I did 20mins of yoga followed up with a 10 min walk
I started 3 hair bows that are unfinished
So I got stuff done really
i did drop off to sleep its this damn cold >.>
Adam seemed ok he said he hadnt done any personal bests and that his back hurt
hes just old haha i said im sure theyre grateful to him for his effort
I offered to see him tomorrow afternoon if he wanted to
Tomorrow I need to ring up the acupuncturist and also to ring the agency up
basically the agency i chose to work for at my old school pays £4 less per day
im gonna see if they can match the rate of pay of the other agency i work for
if they cant i will simply ring up the other agency and ask them to go through the school
cus £4 a day extra 3 times a week = £12 more per week!
before I didnt want to upset the apple cart as it were but now I think cus its a 6 week contract i'd like to address the situation.
I caught Oz chasing the birds again
dont know why he does
but the birds are cocky they get so close to him and they dont frighten easily
but i dont want him near them cus i dont want them pecking at him or if they carry any diseases.
I watched about 4 eps of vampire diaries today whilst working ^^
tomorrow i must do that damn job form ugh
here's another top i got in the post it kinda has its own choker attached ^^
Good Evening
Almost forgot to do my diary
I was that caught up looking at Japanese make-up!
I ordered a new mascara which is kinda burgundy colour
and my first ever Canmake Make up! for tear bags
I have wanted something Canmake for agesssssss
but its expensive to get over here cus you have to order from japan
but I could resist this~ I work - its my treat
besides I never spend much of what I earn really /:
Today I woke up at 7am but drifted off to sleep til8:45am
I got up and got ready
me and mum eventually went shops to get karen something for her bday
and we got some pet food stuff
came back I cleaned girls out
then I got changed and went over to adam's house
we sat with his parents for a bit
apparently his dad has done the hierarchy for the house its goes from the top to bottom
Me
his dad
adam
his mum
XD i was shocked at how i came out top!!
but I felt so tired and drained I probably wasnt my usual self round them
then we went upstairs for a bit
I robbed his bed covers cus I was F'ing freezing!! I was frozen
so I curled up in those til he caved in and joined me X3
I eventually got warm he is like a radiator
we were laying there -full clothed and stuff we're not that far
but he suddenly said to me
"you have never sat in my gaming chair have you?"
"err no"
"go and sit in it"
"wait this is a bit random and sudden. you're asking me to get up. leave the warm bed. to go sit over there by myself on your chair?"
"just please do it for me"
"this is strange, what you planning?"
"nothing now will you just please do it"
it was very very odd and I couldnt for the life of me think why the hell he wanted me to leave him laying there to go sit opposite his bed by myself. why? i cant work it out i really cant
i asked him several times 'why?' but I never got it explained
i came to the conclusion i probably didnt want to know
then we just gave me plenty of cuddles and kisses cus it had been a whole 6 days since we'd last seen each other XD
I asked him
"when you were with you ex, you had been dating a month and seen each other naked. We havent gotten that far yet. because of me obviously. does it bother you?"
"no no you know its fine and i want you to be confident and happy i wont push you im happy how we are so dont worry"
i sometimes wish i could get over my insecurities
im not sure even what stops me. i feel shame towards my body. i hate seeing it so i wouldnt want to show it to anyone. i think its apprehension as well cus im not sure how some stuff will happen and how it will go. and what im expected to do. so many insecurities
but he tells me i over think way too much but thats just me!
the last hour I was there I could feel my body protesting
i was literally dead on my feet
i needed the rest i owed my body
it was time for me to leave anyway
so i wished him good luck for tomorrow when he goes competing in his athletics
i came home had a brew and went to sleep
til dinner time and did myself some pasta and watched vampire diaries
then just been online really
tomorrow I have several jobs that need to be done
i plan on doing them all in my pajamas
job form
finish skirt
hair bow to make
make karen a bday card
do some yoga
here is a top i got in the post for £4 new
