Evening~
I slept pretty well after Id taken something to help me sleep
and I woke up at 8am
I got up and was able to put the pets outside which was good and made a change
I decided to do some sewing this morning as I thought I could go city centre
during the week when it's quieter
I managed to get the cushions finished!!!! all 3 cushions are done and dusted
I am pleased with them they look really neat :)
feels good to tick them off~
So thats 3 presents I've got finished this week ^^
I had a shower as I felt gross
I had some lunch
I actually didnt realize i t was 12:40pm I said Id see adam at 1pm
woops
so it was a lil of a rush
but I got up there with Oz for 1:20pm
He was good boy and I was able to have a brew as he laid down next to adam's feet
god he is obsessed with adam and always wants his affection
much like me to be honest, im competing with my damn rabbit >.>
We rounded him up as he looked tired and i wanted to go for a walk
whilst the sun was still up
We dropped him off and went to the local park
the sun was so low in the sky i could barely see it was a lil unnerving actually
got to the car park and it was rammed and people waited in cars aimlessly for spaces
in the end i thought "sod this" and went to reverse
I reversed in the motorbike only part that had little bars up for the bikes to be held up by
I was careful even with the amount of people and cars near me and the sun glaring
i pulled out the space and something sounded horribly wrong, the woman in the car next to me was saying "Stop!!" so i did
adam got out to have a look for me
the woman also got out her car and said "it just went all the way round your back wheel"
I looked and it was someone's bike stand they had left
great big metal thing had gone round my tire and my tire had dumped it on the floor where adam picked it up and put it to the side
it sounded like i had ripped through the fencing
i thought id access the damage later
we drove off and i didnt know where to go
we ended up at the same local park to adam we went to last sunday
we walked and went to the pub to go play pool
got there it was rammed, football was on, so we walked in we walked out
got back to the car
and went to adams
as soon as i came in i rang my mum
because basically yesterday they were on about the pets going in the shed
but it didnt happen as i wasnt home
so today i suddenly realized that they needed to go in the shed and i wasnt home
so we spoke and i told mum about the pets and i could hear dad in the back ground "what's she whittling about? why does she want them in the shed already? not even cold" just berating me whilst im not even speaking to him
mum said "you dont sound very happy"
i wasn't as i had accessed the damage and ive got a huge scratch in my car ive caused and a bit of paint work needs buffing out, we couldt play pool, everywhere is busy full of humans, dad being horrible down the phone, im tired of feeling poorly and sweaty, im struggling to hold it together" id gone to adam's room by this time and by myself
i was crying a lil down the phone
and mum told me not to worry about anything including my car as it is scratched and 13 years old, i've just never caused damage like that before.
i wished i had never left the damn house
adam came and cuddled me til i calmed down which took a while
as even when ive gotten over the issue, my head then takes a while to sort out and be able to cope once again. i was trying not to let it win but it did for a lil while
i felt stupid for crying tho in frotn of him cus really there was no reason to cry
but it's me i cant handle these situations
he was fine with it all
he made me a tea with 2 sugars and his mum cut me some cake
soon cheered up with that
then i went home at 5pm for Oz as the fireworks had just started up
ive eaten dinner in my room with Oz
hes all snuffly and does a lot of sneezes, he sounds like tiffin used to before he died
so im worrying now about Oz's health
my brother is going to a firework display tonight
he goes every year
its not my thing
tomorrow im not sure what i am doing
i havent got anything on apart from going over to tara's new house for dinner
adam has work and i told him to not feel like he has to see me after work
i feel i take his free time but he says otherwise
the whole time we've dated he hasnt once been out with any friends
i thought id show another present
this one is for mum i found it randomly it was only released a couple of months ago
its an adult colouring book but its full of guinea pigs!!!!!
never seen a guinea pig one before so i had to get it
got it from amazon for £5.99 I believe so good price
she has colouring books but hasnt done them for a long while
hopefully she will get back into it with this
Evening all~~
I didn't sleep too bad considering my sweats
but every time i woke up the sweat on my back was quite gross
ive noticed ive been drinking more just cus im sweating like its summer
This morning was pouring it down so i was unable to clean my pets out
and i ended up having Ozwald inside actually
I had my hair cut
which as everyone in the house knew i was looking forward to
i asked her to sort my fringe out
but its dangerous asking a hairdresser to restyle
as they start getting a lil scissor happy..
im not keen on my fringe but it will grow
and as for the hair i have been growing, i found it all over their tiled floor!!!
seriously how much did she freakin take off!?
when I washed it today (2nd shower of the day) i was so shocked at how little i had to wash
she has shaved me -_____-
i dont go now til january
after my sheering i went to adams
we had a brew then walked to go get lunch i had tuna and cucumber cob
then we talked and cuddled on his bed for a long while actually
he also scruffed up my hair after it had been cut and styled >.> guys
he said to me that the jars we have to use for saving up money for our abroad trips
we have one each and he's started his, im starting mine next year
but he told me that he's put money for me in his jar...and that to only have one jar...
no instantly my thoughts go on the offence of "thats not fair, we won't pay equal, im capable of saving for myself, why cant we keep it to our own jars, whats in it for you"
but i managed to keep it all to myself and told him he was really thoughtful
but i couldnt quite commit to the idea of doing just one pot
hes fine putting in money but i havent started for 2 reasons
1. im currently no earning i have zero in come
2. i said i was starting next year (no rush in my opinion and it was my goal next year)
but i can see he is excited to go away with me and i dont wanna be a jerk and put the dampener on it just cus my insecurities
i went downstairs and painted his mums nails
whilst i had been at adam's i had: shivers, been normal temperature, sweated
during his mum's nails i was wiping the sweat from my forehead
i apologised to his mum in case she could smell my sweat
i couldnt cool down and i told adam i was leaving for a t-shirt and to tie my hair up
i got home and did those two things as i walked through the front door
i just wanted to be naked in an ice bath
i soon cooled down and my body went straight into goosebumps trying to warm my flesh up again
if this isnt my thyroid then i have something really wrong with me
but my throat always feels swollen and thats where the thyroid gland resides
I sat online for a bit looking at joggers and at clothes
i cut strips of fabric ready to sew onto the cushions
i did it with Oz's help as he walked all over the fabric
we've had to have the pets in all evening again as there is a lot of fireworks going on
the air outside stinks of gun powder
i get that its guy fawks night tomorrow but jeez some people go over board
the guy wasnt even successful in blowing up parliment!!! (wish he was!)
tomorrow i usually stay for dinner at adam's on a sunday
but due to the fireworks i am unable to do that cus ive got to be here for Oz really
so it will be a different sunday for me
adam has told me he's having a lay in and getting up for nothing as the inconsiderate postman woke him at 9:45am this morning and that was far too early apparently. jesus.
he said to bring oz up and we can go for a walk or something
but in all honesty i dont know what to do
a part of me feels like wondering the city centre but i know that i am going there with mum on wednesday. but then i dont know what else to do. i'll see how i feel in the morning i guess. i can always sew. and im not even sure what id buy if i went to the city centre
shops have started getting busy with christmas shopping already -______-
i thought id show a few presents i have brought for people
i started with tara's as its complete
shes got 2 pokemon samples of hand cream (on the back)
1 black pokemon mascara
1 pokemon pink nail varnish (actually super jealous of that colour!!!)
1 pokemon lip stick
yup its a pokemon present as she does love her pokemon and its stuff she would not buy herself, heck i bet she doesnt even know it exists! Ive used the Tonymoly brand before so i know its decent stuff and the mascara even has christmas packaging - perfect :D
Evening~
I am able to use my laptop as I have managed to position
the cable in such a way on my desk that the connection works!
I daren't move anything on my desk!
Last night til 9:20pm I was finishing the black bird picture
as I only had a little bit more to go and I thought id I finished it that night
I can look at it with fresh eyes tomorrow (today) and make any adjustments
but today I thought it looked fine
so I took my time putting it in the frame
and it's all done
ready for adam's dad's 60th birthday in december :)
Anyway I couldnt sleep due to shivering
I was plenty warm I know I was
I woke up in the night sweating and aching
when I woke up at 3am I decided to go get some pain killers
which turned out to be reading with cereal and a hot chocolate
whilst waiting for the pain killers to kick in
by 4:30am i was asleep once again
waking up at 7am
I was tired -_____-
I curled mum's hair for her this morning
everyone in the house was getting ready for my brother's graduation
I had to take Oz to the vets for his final check up
I ended up waiting. again
but a lady came to sit next to me who had a really cute girl guinea pig
she was a cutie so we talked pigs
Oz got called in, he had to show the vet his bits and when she touched them his back
legs curled in it was so cute i wanted to scoop him up
he was well behaved but did look like he was gonna jump up me
I took him home he is cleared now :)
I came home and went for a shower as I felt gross from last night, keep having to shower twice a day. All the dye has rinsed out my hair so im back to my natural colour which seems to be quite light and even blond. I want to dye it but with me showering so much the dye isnt going to take to my hair it wont last long and just rinse out. very annoying that ive got to wait til ive stopped shivering and sweating!!!
I went online for a lil while whilst sorting
bits and pieces out
i was looking at nail ideas and at jobs
then I had lunch and went to bed cus I felt crappy
I got up and began sewing
my mu told me about my brother's graduation which seemed to go alright
which im pleased about
I went for a 30 min walk with mum
then did more sewing and i got up to the point I wanted to on the cushions for the day
Tomorrow I have a hair cut
Oh thank god!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell you how happy I am to have a hair cut!
I can't see cus of my god damn fringe!
to be honest I need my hair dresser's opinion on my fringe im not sure of the style
and what will be best for it, its so heavy i cant do anything with it
but i like it on the sides as i tie my hair up so much
so thats at 10:30am
then im going straight to adam's house for my usual saturday
then i might come back and sew~
going to do vintage style nails for his mum i think
Evening all
I am so tired of these hot and cold sweats!!!
seriously how long is this gonna go on for
my neck feels swollen a lot of the time too
if this isnt my thyroid causing all this I havent a clue what
the real issue is
but gotta wait til 10th for a blood test~
So today I was left with the pets
Oz was playing outside like a good bunny
I checked for him as I opened the back door and took the girls home
I then sat in the living room, convinced I could hear noises in the house
but I was home alone...
eventually the noises sound like rabbit hops..
I went upstairs and I could see on the landing the shadow of 2 rabbit ears
Ozwald!!!!!
Not only had the little git managed to sneak in past me when I took the girls home, he had also managed to climb the stairs - something he's never done in our house
So I chased him and scooped him up and put him outside
I then went to assess the damage
and from the looks of things nothing was damaged!
Later in the morning I danced downstairs and even went to record
jama shinaide here we go! as I felt confident enough to record
what I hadnt counted on was my laptop dying..
i was like "eh whats the crack?"
I couldnt work out why the charge wasnt getting through
then I checked the length of the cable and yup there it was
rabbit teeth marks
the little git has had my cable charger!!!!!!
so my laptop is on borrowed time
I managed to tape up the cable to get it working enough for me to order
my 7th, yes my 7th laptop charger
but the tape thing has worn off and its dying as we speak
it best come soon! my laptop is my only means of connection to the internet
I had some lunch at home
i had been doing some more of the black bird which is almost done
at 2pm i went to adam's house
i spoke with him and his dad about jobs and where im going in life
cant talk to my dad about it you see
then we went for food
i had earl grey tea with lemon cake which was so sickly i dont want to see cake for a long time now adam had steak burger as he hadnt had lunch. i paid
we came to his house
i helped him sort out his pennies. he had £13.50 in pennies
he's been asking me for days to help him do it and seeing as i wasnt in the mood to play pokemon i thought id get it out the way
i went to have a play fight with him on his bed but he told me stop and save my energy for yoga which annoyed me cus damn him having logic but i did say i need to listen and he needs to be harder on me. i listened and relented. booooo
came home for yoga
yoga was good apart from my teacher telling me to slow down XD
got back and got my girls out
tomorrow oz has got his final check up at 9:30
then i get to do as i please all day
my brother has got his graduation tomorrow too~
my nails for this week
Evening~~
Ahhh I'm still having these blasted sweats with shivers! Or I am cold as a corpse
it feels gross and im sick of it!
So I had those in the night
I get it during the day too but at night it wakes me
So I was a lil tired and woke at 7:30am
I knew I had dentist anyway to get up for
I didn't have break fast as I couldnt face it
I had my check up and all was fine really
she varnished my teeth and I couldnt eat or drink for an hour
and i was hungry -__- teach me to not eat before i go out
I cleaned the pets out when I got in, Oz kept going in and out of
his cage cus it's so exciting having your cage cleaned out
then I ate breakfast
We were having the sofas cleaned today
none of us expected it to take 4 hours 0.0
seriously it went on and on and the noise the machine made
in the end i plugged my ipod in and did some more work on the black bird
I've only got the foot and branch to do then it's finished :D
I laid in my bed with my dressing gown and blanket over me as i was frozen
then i had lunch which was pumpkin soup and i was sweating
i go from one extreme to another
me and mum went Home Sense then Dunelm
I picked up a frame from Home Sense for the black bird it was £10 which is plenty to pay but I liked it cus it was copper and wont take over the black bird
I picked up a gaudy xmas decoration for mia for £3.99 i'll give it to her as part of her xmas present i know shes been collecting these really strange decorations.
I picked up a korean hair care product to try too for £3
from Dunelm I picked up the 3 cushions i had ordered. a rabbit mug I have been hunting for adam and that was it. mum brought pieces from both shops too
it was worth going anyway
everywhere is getting christmas stuff out
puts a right face on my mum XD
I got back and shot back out to adams before school traffic kicked off
he made me a brew i was grateful for
he showed me his new racing game he picked up the other day with me
he offered me to race him but i wasnt in the mood
i watched him race for a bit then i got bored and went for a bath!
cant beat baths
but i was hot in the bath and shivering when i got out
had a brew with oreos and then went home
all the time dinner was cooked i was dripping with sweat and had goosebumps and shivers. dont know whats gone off. i had blood as well when i went to the toilet first thing this morning. am i just falling to pieces? my body is ready for the scrap heap.
tomorrow i would have been going out with adam for 7 months 0.0
still cant get my head round that one that hes still with me
he says he'll see me tomorrow at some point
im gonna do craft work anyway so im easy ether way
here i smy pumpkin this year
simple really
Konbanwa~
I didn't sleep well
I had a dream that I had to tell a load of people that I am constantly in pain
and what the pain has done to me over time
I was some sort of dragon monster thing
My pain had turned me into a monster
Last night I had spoken to Ed on the phone for almost an hour
it was good to speak to him although I felt I didn't have much to tell him
but it was still good to talk to him
I got up at 7:30am
I spent my morning doing some more work on the black bird picture
simply because I wasn't in the mood to sew
I also did my pumpkin! it's a simple design nothing amazing
I sat with Oz
I got ready to see adam not that I bothered applying make-up
or doing a lot with my hair
I couldnt be bothered today
and I still couldnt get my head round what we were gonna do today
In the end I picked him up from the gym and we went into a town
we went pub for lunch i had soup
i didnt really feel like eating
we walked round some shops and charity shops
I picked up some new leg warmers reduced from £8 to £1.59!
I picked Oz up some treats as I haven't brought him rabbit treats in such
a long time i've just been giving him dried fruit and veg
and he loved the treats
he also loved seeing adam honestly he was so excited and licking him at every chance
im almost forgotten about!
We played pokemon downstairs
I was so cold I can't get rid of these hot and cold moments
i was sweating earlier in the day then mid afternoon i was a corpse
this morning i was so cold my hands like ice
dont know whats up with me
mum says it could be my thyroid
another reason why im getting my blood test done i guess
We went for a half hour walk to see if that would warm me and it
eventually did thank god
then i took adam home
suppose to be seeing him tomorrow i believe
he says i need to relax and calm stuff down
im stressing too much which i know i am
seeing as my brother wasn't happy i decided to draw a picture for him
this is 'Cock Cat' from the series 'Fresh Meat'
its drawn on the wall in one of the student's rooms.
I paused the DVD and sat and drew it downstairs on my lap
then went over it in pen in my room
I do hope he enjoys
cus I must say I felt bloody dirty drawing this thing XD
An idea came to me today
ive been wanting to give adam something a lil extra at xmas
but couldnt think what as guys are so damn hard!
but I thought about doing a drawing for him and getting it printed on a phone case for him :D i think that has real potential the question is now
what do I draw for him? /:
Tomorrow I have stupid dentist
ugh
don't want to go but it cant be helped i guess i need to get these things done if i want to keep my teeth my whole life. i just dont enjoy it. but theres charity shops next to it so that will cheer me up afterwards im sure :) then see adam at some point
Evening
Jeez have i been in a mood today
it's not even time of the month but I could quite easily have a massive
go at someone over nothing
Yesterday
I woke up at 8:00am and by 8:30am I was up outta bed
and leaving adam's house
i told him to stop in bed as I was capable of seeing myself out
but his dad was up and was going out so he saw me out
I got home and sorted the pets out
I also cleaned, tidied and aired the house well the downstairs anyway
ready for my parents to come back
and as I had barely slept that night due to shivers and sweats again
I went to bed for 2 hours and woke up by which time my parents were home
I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my afternoon
I was getting a lil annoyed as Id do nothing for myself all day
by 2:30pm I went over to adams and we went for a walk
we picked him up a glass jar so he can start his collection saving for holidays
we came home had a brew and played pokemon
had dinner and I came home
Today I did sleep rather well
but I felt done in
I was mentally not good and my body was drained
I have done a little work on the cushions but if I was better
I could have gotten A LOT further
but there's no rush anyway i guess
I got to a point where I was able to clear aware the fabric from my room anyway
I fell asleep during the day
I didnt want to get up I wanted to sleep the day away
I had rung the doctors for an appt to see the GP and an appt for the nurse
for blood test -___- just seeing 'blood test' on my calender sickens me greatly
I also rang up the benefits office as I requested a form to fill in to see if im entitled to claim anything as I barely work and if i didnt have my family, it certainly wouldnt be enough to live on. heck i got more when i student at 17!!!
worth a shot I had to talk on the phone for 15mins i did really well
i also ordered an NHS exemption form so I dont need to pay for dentist or eye checks
every little helps, Ive had one past few years
i also did my nails which turned out so unbelievably crap that i took them off
they smudged and just looked terrible
im gonna have another go tonight
that was my mega exciting day!
tomorrow I am unsure of what to do
a part of me is tempted to go to the city centre by myself
but then i know id chicken out i think
i just dont know what i want to do with my day
adam wants to see me i know he does
he wants to see Oz as well who is doing really really well
id say he was back to his usual self! <3
Here is a cheek cream blusher i got from japan
ive tried it but its quite strong against my pale face
so i really look like im blushing haha
dont know how much i'll use it but it was only £3
might do some beauty treatments tonight
bleach eye brows
facial scrub
facial mask
nails
might boost my mood hopefully
