Evening~
ahh im soooooo tired!
i went to bed at 9pm as I was shattered
woke up at 5am...then 6:30am then 7:30am
stayed in bed til 8am tho
got ready to go bakewell!
Got to adam's house for 9:50am
I knocked on the door and it took ages for a response
turns out i had woke adam up, he had just got up and was in his boxers...
and theres me already to go....wasnt impressed
he got in the shower and said he was ready but i insisted that for
both of our's sanity that he have a coffee and a strong at that
he is not a morning person and we had an hour to spend in the car together
we got there fine and i went walking round the charity shops and picked up
a dress top, a skirt and a long sleeve top
2 out the 3 were new and the other designer and in great condition
all of them were under £5 each!
amazing value and quality
much better charity shops than round here
I went in one charity shop and waited for adam who said he'd meet me outside
and he'd been a brought me a silver necklace from a jewellers!
i passed it and said its like the colour of my eyes
i must photograph it
I had 2 attempts at my PIN number
and I got it wrong again -_____- why?
so i think i've got to phone up and ask for a new PIN number
it is weird you know
so i was a lil low on money but adam said he had money on him if need be
nice, but doesnt resolve my issue
we saw an old car which was from 1918-1920 Bentley
we went for lunch in a cafe that was lovely and quiet
i had pizza!!!! well happy about that!!! i wanted pizza the other day
we then went for a walk down the river
i took off my shoes and hopped in, it was cold
my feet started getting a lil clumsy in flip flops and my feet had numbed
i could have cut them open and probably not felt it
not wanting to push my luck and fall over in the water i came out
adam was on his phone the whole time XD not his thing
we went for ice cream and brought cakes for our families
as bakewell cakes are ultra amazing!
then we set off for home
we called in matlock for 20mins pointlessly really as theres nothing there anymore
so then i took adam he offered for me to come in but i was so damn shattered
that i felt i couldnt watch my mouth so i went home
i had a shower to get rid of the weird water smell on my feet
and sorted out my stuff from today
im so tired tho
tomorrow
jeez tomorrow, another hectic day
mia wants me over at 9am, im at Nigel's for 11am then psychology at 2pm, then adam
then finally home
its good being busy
and if i get up early enough i might go for a run
Evening~~
I woke up at 5am...seriously 5am!?
then it was 6:30am and finally 8:30am
finally a little bit of a lay in!
I went on my laptop in the morning
trying to motivate myself to go for a run
and the temperature was steadily on the rise outside
by 10:30am I found the motivation and went for a 20min run
i was sweaty!!
Mum came home for an hour
she said that she doesnt feel like its right for adam to go with me to
my psychology session on wednesday /:
its cus i cant face going by myself
its so dull and the guy really annoys me
she went on to say that i upset the house hold as it were
everyone has noticed the difference in me
whats worse she told me that shes told my brother whats up with me!!!
i realy really didnt want him knowing
i didnt want him knowing what a freak i am
how im different
i felt ashamed of myself and that id let him down
and it hurt
it also hurt to hear how mum described me as a dark cloud over the house
what can i do?
does she think i choose this?
i think its just cus no one understand
heck im trying to get my head round it and i live with it!!!
fed up of it
I had lunch and my neighbours were doing my head in
i'd had enough, wasnt doing much
so i drove across the city centre to a shop by myself
i picked up a few cosmetics and 2 note books only spent £13
everything i got was in the reduced section
got to the check out...what was my PIN again?
i went blank
luckily i had JUST enough cash on me
i always carry cash on me
i felt a little bit like an idiot but i felt more confused if anything
this is the 3rd time ive not been able to remember a PIN i've had for a few years now
what is up with me? my memories keep getting jumbled up
i still cant remember it now, i know the digits but what order?
i noticed id missed a call from the agency
they said i had work for tomorrow and my heart sank
i mean as much as i know its right to take the work and be grateful for it
i didnt want to go
i didnt want a day of maths and english or being stuck in a hot classroom
but i accepted
i promptly told adam that our day trip to bakewell tomorrow would be cancelled
i drove home at this point
when i got home i packed stuff away and talked with mum about our days
then the agency rang again, turns out im not needed
and i was almost leaping with joy X3
it means i can have my day trip and find these mini waterfalls and play in natural water
ahhhhhh what a total treat! i can not wait!!!!
i havent done much since then cus its hot and ive been at a loss what to do
i have a few things i could do
i looked how to get to bakewell
its an hour's drive -____-
but it will be worth it
i got all my stuff ready for tomorrow as well to save me time
so tomorrow i think i'll turn up at adams at 9:45am wait round til he's ready then go
have a few hours in bakewell then come home
and hopefully see mia in the evening
busy busy but I like to be busy
a piece of make up i got today for under eyes
with free samples!
Evening~
My day of loneliness ended
I went to bed whilst in an empty house
i woke up at 6am
been awake since 6am
I got up at 6:30
had enough of laying there
I got up and went to get the girls
i bathed them by myself they were good girls
they needed a freshen up as they do like to sit in their own wee time to time
i put them outside, cleaned up and ate my breakfast
i was done and dusted by 8am
i went for a shower and got ready to see adam who by 11am had just woke up
ahhhh
i did go over to his shortly afterwards
he was still adjusting to the day i can tell cus he has that sleepy look and his
voice is a lil hoarse but i like seeing different sides to everyone
i didnt know what to do
i wasnt in the right frame of mind today
i felt like i could have had a panic attack
adam dragged me out and we went for lunch we sat outside
i had scrambled eggs on toast it was really really good actually
and i ate it all as it was too good to let any go to waste
we walked back home
and we sat and talked i did his mum's nails
then we went in his room
where my mood changed once again
i couldnt bare the thoughts anymore so i think i drifted off to sleep for a short while
i was shattered
i got up and said i needed to go home, i needed to get out of the clothes i was wearing
i needed my make-up off i needed to put stuff right
so we practically left then and there
I came home, stripped and got into some comfier clothes
took my make up and felt a bit better about stuff
my mum was home and we talked a lil bit
i still wasnt sure what to do with the rest of the day what with it being 4:30
so in the end i drove us to a river and we had a pre-packaged ice cream (im not a fan)
i like fresh scoop ice cream
but i ate it
then we walked to the river front and picked up stones and threw them in
there was a guy in his 30s with 2 small kids
he was also throwing stones into the river
suddenly competition was on between him and adam...
probably the most fun ive seen adam have in ages
so i let him have it and in the end adam managed to get a stone the other side of the river...
thats just no possible
he was pleased with that and able to walk away
i dropped him off home
i came home and talked with mum about everything she's missed
my piggies are nice and soft from their bath
love fresh piggies
gonna miss doing Yosakoi tonight, everyone is home so i think my Naruko
will do everyone's heads in
i found a kimono set i love online its £15.99 and id love to perform in it
i told adam and he gave me a look and said "you dont perform"
I replied "ahhhh i know >< but in fairness no one ever says to me they'd like to see my dancing so therefor it makes me not want to show it, also its in japanese and you might find the whole thing a bit weird and find me weird"
he said "I told you months ago id like to see your dancing, and i wont find it weird, it makes you happy and i want to see that"
ahhhhh that makes it worse!!!!!!! I dont recall him saying he wanted to see my dancing
but in hindsight i remember very little in my life so he's probably right XD
i cant imagine ever showing him, or performing in front of anyone...
im really not that good at dancing
i did enjoy myself doing Yosakoi last night and afterwards i did a normal jpop song and it felt empty with out the Naruko actually. So im getting into it, I might perform...
who would I show?
i said "having the kimono might make me perform"
he turned to me, gave me a face and said "doubt it"
might have to prove him wrong on that front
tomorrow got the whole day to myself
just me and my thoughts
nice and healthy
my nails for this week
Evening
ahhh I'm a lil lonely
Been home alone a lot today
and I havent really enjoyed it
So last night i was shattered
I got all my stuff ready for the morning and set an alarm for 6:30am
morning came and I woke up at 6:15am so I didnt need the alarm after all
i staying in bed for 10 minutes then got up
put my girls out who looked put out that they were being turfed out at 6:30am XD
I even had time to clean them out
had breakfast did some stretches as well then went to adams
got to his for 7:45am
steve asked "have you got your bar code for park run?"
i hadnt...its usually attached to my trousers but id forgotten
he said "you go get it"
i went to my car and remembered if put a spare in there! so I thanked my past self
as i didnt have to go back home.
He said "are you waking adam up?"
now i did want to, adam never said i couldnt but he'd just done a busy 13 hour shift
steve sent me upstairs XD
so i went on his bed and he was grouchy as he's not a morning person
but he soon came round and gave me cuddles and kisses and said it was a good
way to wake up
then i left him for park run
there was soooooo many people there over 400!
ive never done such a busy park run!
i felt a bit on edge round so many people like that
we started and it was warm
but the path was tarmac and totally flat
like no hills or anything it was quite strange
2 laps in total
i felt it went ok
a ran my fastest to the finish and woman went to over take me
out of no where! pushed in front of me, my legs were like jelly i almost fell over
and all for what so she could gain point of a second?
why do some people take it so seriously?!
if she had knocked me over i would have kicked off big style
i walked off best i could my legs felt boneless
and then someone walked by me and i thought "i know them!"
it was antony and joy! what were the odds!!!
So i pounced on antony from behind X3
he said he was just gonna get a drink and would be back
so i waited as i wasnt sure how far behind adam's parents were
then i had my music playing and antony put his arm round me and i almost went for him XD
he made me jump and said "got my own back"
we talked for a bit til adams parents turned up so i introduced them
usually i forget introductions XD
we went home then
i stayed at adams for half hour til he went to work
then i came home for a much needed shower
i had my pre-made lunch from yesterday
then i crashed on my bed for an hour i was done in
i checked my time when i got up
id done 29.01 minutes!
new PB!!! and its under my target of 30 mins so im happy with that ^^
and then i checked what had come in the post
and it was my Naruko!!!!!
Look a complete pair!!!!
so now I have 3 XD I guess its good in case one breaks
Safe to say i had ago learning two dances with the Naruko
feels much better having a pair
but im still finding it difficult if im honest
oh and i uploaded a dance yesterday too
i finished making Nigel's card that looks alright
and i applied to those 2 jobs as well
did 2 doodles as well
basically been trying to keep myself busy as i have been a bit lonely today
my brother rang to check up on me even tho im older XD
he said he would call in for 5 mins i didnt say i was lonely
he needed some bike parts
he had a friend on the other end trying to find me on facebook...and asking if i was single...
i told my brother to tell him i look like a whale and that i could put him in his place
my brother and his mate turned up
my brother went upstairs i came downstairs and saw his friend stood on the drive
i looked at him and raised one eyebrow he started backing away with his hands up XD
i tried talking to him a bit
later my brother said he found me scary XD
i have an excellent skill of repelling men
i made myself dinner when my brother went
then he came back and said he'd got to go meet at someone's house
up and hill on his bike, seeing as i wasnt busy and wanted the company
i gave him a lift
and now im back by myself
im tired too
might try a bit more Yosakoi then watch anime
tomorrow ive got to clean up a bit which i started tonight
ready for mum to come home
then ive GOT to see adam according to his dad
as he wasnt impressed that he had adam last sunday as i didnt come up and see him XD
says he's my responsibility on a sunday
so i guess we've got to do something
but with it being so damn hot all the time
i never know what to do to be honest
Evening~~
ahhhh I was so tired last night
I slept pretty well too
I was awake from 6:45am
didnt really want to go to school but knew
it was the best thing for me to be doing
i was sure to say bye to my mum before i left
I will miss her and I could tell she was anxious about leaving
and about leaving me
shes only 40miles away XD
School was different
no maths for started
the morning consisted of assembly and a bit of work
during the bit of work stage i was called through to the head teacher's office
with him and the dept head
stuff at a table with two men
not my ideal situation
it was feedback about my interview
which i was anxious about but turns out i didnt need to be anxious at all
they were really good and supportive of me
it was quite surprising that i had found people willing to support me
they said how i can do my job well and other good pointers
it was constructive and i was glad i was able to have it
I went home at lunch and just had cereal and a yogurt
felt the need for liquid food as i was about to spend the next 2+ hours in 28c heat...
i rushed round the house looking for sun cream
lathered that on and grabbed my hat and sun glasses and left
it was sports day
so that meant everyone outside
i had to just follow round the boys i usually work with
it was warm the kids were hot
it was a good day and stuff and i didnt need to look an idiot with a teacher
doing the 3 legged race as she wasnt up for it
and we would have surely come last trust me
so i was saved there
i could feel my skin burning tho...
I came home and did a few jobs whilst still in my work wear
got changed into slacks and danced for 15 mins which lead to me being dripping
so i went for a much needed shower
my skin tingled under the water so i hoped i hadnt burned myself
i dont like the burn look
but where it is round my neck and i cover it up if need be
im hoping i will be ok
guess it will truly find out tomorrow
i made myself a salad for dinner and one for lunch tomorrow
looked after my hot piggies
and went online for a lil while
my brother has ordered pizza tonight XD
pizza is such 'go to' for him
i needed cool food
I watched anime whilst eating my salad
trying to get into another anime but not sure if im finding it dull
tomorrow~~
Im up at 6:30am to put my piglets out before it gets hot
then they go home when i have to leave the house at 7:40am to get to adam's
when im there i will creep into his room and wake him XD he said i could
then we're leaving at 8am for a park run i havent done before
so tonight im putting songs on my ipod for it, need new material
adams mum and dad are taking me park run which is nice of them
then i will come home, shower, clean my pigs out and then i have 2 jobs to apply to
and a card to make for nigel which i have started here
with my new water colours which are amazing quality
my little devil girl, its gotta be something he can tell its from me ;)
Evening~~
I was shattered last night and slept pretty well
woke up at 8am
I had a few jobs to do in the morning and then at 10:30am
i went out the shops I picked up
some tights reduced to £1
This weird eye liner pencil which is like powder reduced to £2.20
4 pairs of pants 2 were £2 2 were £1
gotta love new pants i loooovee new pants
some shampoo, cleanser, facial wipes
I came back and had lunch with mum
adam texted me to say he'd finished work and was off to the phone shop for
a new phone upgrade
i told him i wasnt arsed and to go home afterwards and id come to him
i was in a mood
the moment i saw him
triggered a mood
not a pleasant one
i didnt want affection or to give affection i didnt want him touching me
adam on the other hand...
he'd not really seen me for a while
ok well last week we'd met up for 2 hours
the whole week and 2 hours
then it has been a whole week since those 2 hours (didnt realise it)
so he was like an excited puppy
all over me
and when i didnt want that it made a situation worse
i was moving away and pushing him off me
a small part of me knew that this behaviour was hurting him
but i couldnt stop myself i just didnt want it
he kept asking me "you alright?" "everything ok?"
i would simply reply "yes" "i'm fine"
eventually he put his foot down (rare occasion) and said
"youve got to stop keeping this to yourself i need to know whats going off in your mind"
man i so did not want to talk about it all i really didnt
so we hashed out what was wrong, whats been going off
i quizzed him asked him why he was still with me, surely this isnt nice for him, why does he put up with me, hes free to come back in a years time if he'd fed up with me
he assured me a 1000 times that he loved me, not going anywhere and he'd truly missed me
as lovely as that all was i still wouldnt shake off my mood
eventually my mood snapped and i felt better
and even adam said "i feel like ive got you back!"
i said "yeah i feel alright now"
like coming back from a dark hole
and i was fine, best id been all day
then i left for yoga
yoga was baking and i didnt want to go mum really did
so i went for her
but it was hot and i was starting to get annoyed at why id bother coming
but we did tone it down and i got into it more
and it was ok
came home and had beans on toast with mummy
tomorrow it's school
and its sports day to which i will ether be a part of or i will be doing jobs
im fine ether way i just want to get the job done and dusted
the head teacher is gonna give me feedback about my interview as well
which in a way im quite anxious about
cant cope with people being negative to me right now
my parents go away as well so im on pet duty
theyre off to derbyshire for the weekend
Evening~~
What an eventful day~
I didn't sleep that well
wasnt feeling tired for some reason
I was waking from 6am
So I had blood test this morning
ugh i hate them and was quite nervous all morning
and especially in the doctors waiting room
the nurse called me in pretty quickly so i didnt have too much time to stew
The whole thing was over and done with quickly shes so amazing!
and i didnt pass out
whats more is that my annual thyroid test was done at the same time
so two birds one stone!
i recovered at home
then showered, did hair and make-up my war paint
and practised a bit of maths and got stuff ready for my interview
and somehow managed to eat lunch
then it was off to school
the group of children i had were lovely and truly had fun
i enjoyed it and got into it
then i had the grilling which i guess went ok
then i had the maths and english activity which i did find difficult i have to say
and by 2:30 i was done and left
i felt it went ok and i didnt screw up too much
i knew from this morning i wouldnt get the job
that gut feeling but pushed myself to get the experience
i got home and sat with mum
then went on my laptop for a lil bit
i then decided i was gonna go record a dance outside
down the road there wasnt really any people about but it was hot
my body felt sluggish in the heat
i watched the video back and all i could think was how fat i looked
so i gave up and came back inside
but felt i had done well to even dance outside
i enjoyed it and would like to try it again
i got the phone call from the head teacher confirming that gut feeling of not getting the job
i was 100% fine with it, and didnt beat myself up
think id gone past the stage of caring so i was fine and still am
he said i did really well and had the job grade been lower he would have had me but had to go with someone with much more years experience
and thats fine
no point me going into a job im gonna get stressed at because im experienced enough
so that was that. dont want to bang on about it and want to move on with the experience
tonight feels like its gonna be boring
its hot and i dont know what i want to do with myself
tomorrow ive got the whole day to do as i please
think i ve got to see adam cus yeah i havent seen him in quite a while
thought id show off my hoodie~
