Konbanwa
i got up at 8am
i didnt bother setting my alarm as jack txt me last night saying not to come in
honestly
it was hard resigning myself to a day or boredom
cus what can you do when you sick and home alone
so dull!
but i had the babies out who were just running wild round the hall
theyre so fast!
they ran everywhere, climbed on shoes, pushed things over
we have our hands full with them
molly followed the once or twice to make sure it was safe
then simply let them burn the energy off
they were panting afterwards
i forget how active and playful they are as babies
i've showered and slept
and thats about my day
i did pick up a book ive been trying to read for a while now
im hoping i can keep continuing with it and move onto other books
i quit reading one on my kindle - the man who lost his shadow
as i totally lost the plot there
and was only half way through the book!
i was gonna go a walk but just felt too wiped out
jack covered for me today but has warned me the prep room is a tip....
not looking forward to seeing the state its in
some biology teachers havent done their practicals because they knew i wasnt in
so they didnt want to stress jack out with it so that was nice of them
i basically have a lot of work ahead of me just for talking a day off
this is why i dont want to go down to part time
its picking up pieces and not knowing what youre going into
i went doctors which was an hour out my day as they are always running late
basically he wants me on 75mg twice a day - my usual dose of pain killer
i wanted 100mg but he wouldnt budge
he offered morphine but i turned it down
hes put me on another pain killer which isnt as strong but should still help
im not holding out a lot of hope as ive tried a form of them before
and they didnt do anything
but we shall see
ive got all my stuff ready to go school tomorrow
as i cant bare to waste another day of life
and im sure ill be fine tomorrow
it will probably be a hard slog yes but better than spending it in bed
Tuesday, 8 October 2019
Monday, 7 October 2019
once again wheel chaired out of school
Evening~~
I slept at jack's last night
not that i slept well i was aching
its nice getting up with him tho and not having to sneak round the house
i had a bit of issue with my meds tho i forgot to bring the lower dose
so i ended up taking the higher dose this morning
i was fine in the morning
doing my usually monday morning mad run around
giving out pond weed and other practicals
i felt fine
then after i sat with a cup of tea on the floor i started to feel a bit out of it
like if i was to stand up i would pass out
jack told me to stay sat on the floor
but it was lunch time and theres always stuff to do during lunch
also jack is off tomorrow morning for an appointment so hes been trying
to rush round getting his day and morning covered
i got fed up of sitting there
went to get up and passed out
think i was a combo of strong pain killers, no sleep, running around
the nurse was called
i had jack and julia fussing over me
mum was called
and i was once again wheel chaired out of school... >.>
i hate my life
so degrading
and i hate causing trouble for people
my brother and mum fetched my car
and my mum has told me to take tomorrow off as she doesnt want to be fetching me again
so ive got a boring day ahead of me!!!
i slept when i got home and was just wrapped up in pajamas
mum brought the babies to me in bed which was nice
then later i sat with all 3 of them
then Oz later on
i cant wait for him to meet the babies
mum said they were running round crazy in the hall then laid down
like they had tired themselves out
mum also put molly outside by herself for some rest time
as shes now full time mother X3
i got doctors tomorrow to talk about my medication
thats as about exciting as it gets for tomorrow
I slept at jack's last night
not that i slept well i was aching
its nice getting up with him tho and not having to sneak round the house
i had a bit of issue with my meds tho i forgot to bring the lower dose
so i ended up taking the higher dose this morning
i was fine in the morning
doing my usually monday morning mad run around
giving out pond weed and other practicals
i felt fine
then after i sat with a cup of tea on the floor i started to feel a bit out of it
like if i was to stand up i would pass out
jack told me to stay sat on the floor
but it was lunch time and theres always stuff to do during lunch
also jack is off tomorrow morning for an appointment so hes been trying
to rush round getting his day and morning covered
i got fed up of sitting there
went to get up and passed out
think i was a combo of strong pain killers, no sleep, running around
the nurse was called
i had jack and julia fussing over me
mum was called
and i was once again wheel chaired out of school... >.>
i hate my life
so degrading
and i hate causing trouble for people
my brother and mum fetched my car
and my mum has told me to take tomorrow off as she doesnt want to be fetching me again
so ive got a boring day ahead of me!!!
i slept when i got home and was just wrapped up in pajamas
mum brought the babies to me in bed which was nice
then later i sat with all 3 of them
then Oz later on
i cant wait for him to meet the babies
mum said they were running round crazy in the hall then laid down
like they had tired themselves out
mum also put molly outside by herself for some rest time
as shes now full time mother X3
i got doctors tomorrow to talk about my medication
thats as about exciting as it gets for tomorrow
Sunday, 6 October 2019
They've become molly's babies
Evening
I woke up and thought straight away
'wonder how the babies are'
mum got them out as i was a lil late getting up - 8:45am
but she said they were fine, ears hadnt been chewed off or anything
and we put them in the hall - for the first time
of my goodness, molly
shes sooooo happy!!!!
the past few days when shes been in the hall shes just sat and sulked
and not even touched the veg we have put down for her
today...totally different pig
she was running round following the babies and getting them to follow her
she joined in on the food they ate and the things they played in
and she even followed them to the other end of the hall! shes never been that far before but it seems Truffle is a real explorer so molly followed and tilly did as well
so very cute
there was plenty of little squeaks and clucks
i picked up the babies to take to dad as he hasnt held them yet
and molly panicked and i mean panicked
she was alone in the hall for about 30 seconds and she was running frantic and squealing
she couldnt find her babies! so she was stressed
i cant believe how well shes taken to them
shes a real mother to them
of course i returned them to her and she was fine then
i went upstairs and saw on my phone at 9:30am (yes i had been watching my pigs for like half hour straight!) and i had a txt from jack, he was up and awake....and getting ready to come over...
what oddity is this? he doesnt usually see these AM hours
and i wasnt ready in the slightest
so i had to get ready
then ive pretty much spent the whole day with him
we went for a walk by the river which was sooooo high cus of the sheer amount of rain we've had
after we went into a pub but it was full of kids so i left
and made beans on toast when i got in
then we had a look for places to go during half term but we couldnt really find anything
so we left that
ordered him a phone case tho, a pokemon one on my ebay
then we decided that id stay at his as theo isnt in
he had shopping to do for school tomorrow
and i didnt mind staying with him
so im currently at his
we watched Summer Wars which is basically digimon the movie in my eyes
then we made pasta and i helped him cut his hair
hes lucky he can just use a shaver and hes done
hes now playing some online game of his as he does on a sunday
and im upstairs on the kitchen table doing my diary
i might try draw tho
i havent draw a damn thing since getting my new laptop...
as it means using manga studio 5 and its daunting
im used to 4 and ive been on 5 last year and found it hard
but we shall see
cant put it off forever
i will probably go bed before him but not bothered
as we have school in the morning
also i showed him my dancing today for the first time
ever and he said i was good
anyway tomorrow is school
shouldnt be too bad i hope
who am i kidding, mondays are always bad and busy -____-
I woke up and thought straight away
'wonder how the babies are'
mum got them out as i was a lil late getting up - 8:45am
but she said they were fine, ears hadnt been chewed off or anything
and we put them in the hall - for the first time
of my goodness, molly
shes sooooo happy!!!!
the past few days when shes been in the hall shes just sat and sulked
and not even touched the veg we have put down for her
today...totally different pig
she was running round following the babies and getting them to follow her
she joined in on the food they ate and the things they played in
and she even followed them to the other end of the hall! shes never been that far before but it seems Truffle is a real explorer so molly followed and tilly did as well
so very cute
there was plenty of little squeaks and clucks
i picked up the babies to take to dad as he hasnt held them yet
and molly panicked and i mean panicked
she was alone in the hall for about 30 seconds and she was running frantic and squealing
she couldnt find her babies! so she was stressed
i cant believe how well shes taken to them
shes a real mother to them
of course i returned them to her and she was fine then
i went upstairs and saw on my phone at 9:30am (yes i had been watching my pigs for like half hour straight!) and i had a txt from jack, he was up and awake....and getting ready to come over...
what oddity is this? he doesnt usually see these AM hours
and i wasnt ready in the slightest
so i had to get ready
then ive pretty much spent the whole day with him
we went for a walk by the river which was sooooo high cus of the sheer amount of rain we've had
after we went into a pub but it was full of kids so i left
and made beans on toast when i got in
then we had a look for places to go during half term but we couldnt really find anything
so we left that
ordered him a phone case tho, a pokemon one on my ebay
then we decided that id stay at his as theo isnt in
he had shopping to do for school tomorrow
and i didnt mind staying with him
so im currently at his
we watched Summer Wars which is basically digimon the movie in my eyes
then we made pasta and i helped him cut his hair
hes lucky he can just use a shaver and hes done
hes now playing some online game of his as he does on a sunday
and im upstairs on the kitchen table doing my diary
i might try draw tho
i havent draw a damn thing since getting my new laptop...
as it means using manga studio 5 and its daunting
im used to 4 and ive been on 5 last year and found it hard
but we shall see
cant put it off forever
i will probably go bed before him but not bothered
as we have school in the morning
also i showed him my dancing today for the first time
ever and he said i was good
anyway tomorrow is school
shouldnt be too bad i hope
who am i kidding, mondays are always bad and busy -____-
Saturday, 5 October 2019
Meet Truffle and Tilly!
Konbanwa
I slept pretty well
but felt utterly ran over this morning
it was from Nigel I know it was
everytime i woke in the night and when i woke this morning i thought
pigs!!!
Anyway I got up and went out with mum
we Taxed my car so its all mine to drive now (not that ive been in it yet!)
then we went straight down to pets at home
and adopted the two lovely piglets we saw yesterday!
Id like you to meet our two new 6 week old piglets
The fluffy white one is Truffle
the sandy one is Tilly
two very sweet fluffy soft pigs
we took them into the living room and of course had a good cuddle of them
the box they came in went into the hall were i let molly have a sniff of it
she didnt show any aggression to the smell and sat in the box!
the babies were in a seperate carrying case just to chill out
then mum sat with molly on her lap and let her sniff mums clothes and hands
she still seemed fine
then i had the babies on the sofa and molly on the sofa
molly could see them and was talking away but chose not to approach them
then we put the babies in a clean seperate cage and molly home too
i fell asleep as i was drugged up and i felt rather unwell from it
when i woke up i was alone so i got all the stuff out for guineas which was clean
and made a den up in the spare room - a room unused by pets
and got them together
i can work better without mum fretting over my shoulder
and the babies were on the floor first i gave them first choice of what they wanted to sit in
i put food down and let molly down
she found them
and wedged herself between them and was talking away and licking them!!!
how good is that!
and then she was just trotting round with truffle, tilly is certainly less confident
and so i cuddled her
so they had over an hour on the floor
mum came home and she really scrubbed out mollys cage
and we put them together in the cage just to test the water
and so far so good
theres loads of hay to hide in so they dont have to cuddle together if they dont want to
but its gone easy
too easy
but i think its cus theyre babies they dont pose a threat to molly
hopefully it will continue to go well
we have left them now for the day
oz looks like he wants in on the action
bless him
im sure he will meet them
but they cant go outside on the grass til theyre 16 weeks old
so he wont see em for a while
im so pleased with them
its better than christmas
theyre very sweet and cute i love them
and so does mum
my brother slept over at his girlfriends last night but was home early morning to see the pigs
yep happy
i just hope their first night goes well
might see jack tomorrow i shall see
i hope my babies continue to settle in well
and they have a happy healthy life with us
I slept pretty well
but felt utterly ran over this morning
it was from Nigel I know it was
everytime i woke in the night and when i woke this morning i thought
pigs!!!
Anyway I got up and went out with mum
we Taxed my car so its all mine to drive now (not that ive been in it yet!)
then we went straight down to pets at home
and adopted the two lovely piglets we saw yesterday!
Id like you to meet our two new 6 week old piglets
The fluffy white one is Truffle
the sandy one is Tilly
two very sweet fluffy soft pigs
we took them into the living room and of course had a good cuddle of them
the box they came in went into the hall were i let molly have a sniff of it
she didnt show any aggression to the smell and sat in the box!
the babies were in a seperate carrying case just to chill out
then mum sat with molly on her lap and let her sniff mums clothes and hands
she still seemed fine
then i had the babies on the sofa and molly on the sofa
molly could see them and was talking away but chose not to approach them
then we put the babies in a clean seperate cage and molly home too
i fell asleep as i was drugged up and i felt rather unwell from it
when i woke up i was alone so i got all the stuff out for guineas which was clean
and made a den up in the spare room - a room unused by pets
and got them together
i can work better without mum fretting over my shoulder
and the babies were on the floor first i gave them first choice of what they wanted to sit in
i put food down and let molly down
she found them
and wedged herself between them and was talking away and licking them!!!
how good is that!
and then she was just trotting round with truffle, tilly is certainly less confident
and so i cuddled her
so they had over an hour on the floor
mum came home and she really scrubbed out mollys cage
and we put them together in the cage just to test the water
and so far so good
theres loads of hay to hide in so they dont have to cuddle together if they dont want to
but its gone easy
too easy
but i think its cus theyre babies they dont pose a threat to molly
hopefully it will continue to go well
we have left them now for the day
oz looks like he wants in on the action
bless him
im sure he will meet them
but they cant go outside on the grass til theyre 16 weeks old
so he wont see em for a while
im so pleased with them
its better than christmas
theyre very sweet and cute i love them
and so does mum
my brother slept over at his girlfriends last night but was home early morning to see the pigs
yep happy
i just hope their first night goes well
might see jack tomorrow i shall see
i hope my babies continue to settle in well
and they have a happy healthy life with us
Friday, 4 October 2019
New Car New Pigs
Evening
I haven't stopped since 6am and its 8:30pm
im shattered! i actually feel unwell im that tired
anyway today~
Work was busy
had loads to do as usual
but i got it done and actually got praise from head of biology and head of science ^^
jo works hard
i left work, got home and got changed
i took all the little cute trimmings out my car (soon to be old car)
went out to Nigel's for acupuncture
i havent seen him in a whole year since he's been abroad
so it was good to see him
he said "i didnt miss my clients, but i thought about you, although you're probably not gonna believe that are you"
i said "i am entertaining i give you something to laugh at right"
he said "no no, its your spirit and energy i like"
so i thought that was nice of him to say
i was totally squirming tho having acupuncture god i was so bad with it
i still feel like i have got needles in ><
i left nigel's and had a shower
then had dinner, and then went to pets at home with mum
she had been earlier in the day and txt me during work saying they had cute babies in
so we got there with 30mins before closing time
they had a few female babies
we have decided its got to be a baby as we are struggling to rehome and the longer we leave molly alone the harder it will be for her to accept another pig in her cage and her life
so anyway the baby girls they had was:
tri-coloured with a crown
fawny grey all over
white with a black bit covering the face
light tri-colour
white fluffy with red eyes
mum liked the tri-coloured with the crown but i didnt
i also didnt think much to the fawn one
i didnt like the white with black on as it reminded me of a rat somehow
but the light tri-colour was so cute and reminded me of millie
but i also loved the scruffy white one my god shes fluffy and scruffy
so we held the two i liked as mum liked the same two i liked
and we decided to get both
BUT we havent actually got them yet
we will go and collect them in the morning, we will go as soon as the shop opens up as we couldnt reserve them.
but my god theyre cute
they actually are so cute
morning feels a long way off!
i will be sure to show them off!!!
i got back and sorted out my car insurance
and got the tax ready to do in the morning
and now doing my diary
im tired!
mum bless her had spent two hours cleaning my new car for me whilst i was at work
i didnt ask her to of course
but that was so nice of her
saves me a massive job
my car is lovely i really do like it
and i dont think ive ever said that about my previous 4 cars
i was just grateful for a vehicle
but this one is nice ^^
i was suppose to be going derby tomorrow with jack
but instead the day is going to molly and her new girls
i plan on doing the bonding
mum isnt very good at it
shes too skittish
but we've gone from rehoming an older pig for molly to potentially buying her two babies
tomorrow will be fun im sure
two soft new baby pigs!
right im gonna go crash on sofa with Oz
I haven't stopped since 6am and its 8:30pm
im shattered! i actually feel unwell im that tired
anyway today~
Work was busy
had loads to do as usual
but i got it done and actually got praise from head of biology and head of science ^^
jo works hard
i left work, got home and got changed
i took all the little cute trimmings out my car (soon to be old car)
went out to Nigel's for acupuncture
i havent seen him in a whole year since he's been abroad
so it was good to see him
he said "i didnt miss my clients, but i thought about you, although you're probably not gonna believe that are you"
i said "i am entertaining i give you something to laugh at right"
he said "no no, its your spirit and energy i like"
so i thought that was nice of him to say
i was totally squirming tho having acupuncture god i was so bad with it
i still feel like i have got needles in ><
i left nigel's and had a shower
then had dinner, and then went to pets at home with mum
she had been earlier in the day and txt me during work saying they had cute babies in
so we got there with 30mins before closing time
they had a few female babies
we have decided its got to be a baby as we are struggling to rehome and the longer we leave molly alone the harder it will be for her to accept another pig in her cage and her life
so anyway the baby girls they had was:
tri-coloured with a crown
fawny grey all over
white with a black bit covering the face
light tri-colour
white fluffy with red eyes
mum liked the tri-coloured with the crown but i didnt
i also didnt think much to the fawn one
i didnt like the white with black on as it reminded me of a rat somehow
but the light tri-colour was so cute and reminded me of millie
but i also loved the scruffy white one my god shes fluffy and scruffy
so we held the two i liked as mum liked the same two i liked
and we decided to get both
BUT we havent actually got them yet
we will go and collect them in the morning, we will go as soon as the shop opens up as we couldnt reserve them.
but my god theyre cute
they actually are so cute
morning feels a long way off!
i will be sure to show them off!!!
i got back and sorted out my car insurance
and got the tax ready to do in the morning
and now doing my diary
im tired!
mum bless her had spent two hours cleaning my new car for me whilst i was at work
i didnt ask her to of course
but that was so nice of her
saves me a massive job
my car is lovely i really do like it
and i dont think ive ever said that about my previous 4 cars
i was just grateful for a vehicle
but this one is nice ^^
i was suppose to be going derby tomorrow with jack
but instead the day is going to molly and her new girls
i plan on doing the bonding
mum isnt very good at it
shes too skittish
but we've gone from rehoming an older pig for molly to potentially buying her two babies
tomorrow will be fun im sure
two soft new baby pigs!
right im gonna go crash on sofa with Oz
Thursday, 3 October 2019
new car tomorrow
Konbanwa~~~
My god yesterday at work was manic
no one told me or warned me they hard big practicals coming up!
ones i havent done before >< so i was a lil stressed
but got everything done much to my amazement
i got shed loads done yesterday
i was about dead
after work i went to jack's
we had food and cuddles and talked about stuff
he brought up saturday and yeah i could tell it had been on his mind
and too right
so we sorted that out without arguing or anything
id gone past the stage of caring anyway
then mia rang me and we talked for a bit
and we went to bed for 11pm
we went to school
and school wasnt too bad
head of biology gave me a chocolate orange ^^ think it was her
way of saying thanks for all the help with open evening
cus i did so much running around
it was just really cold today i wore my lab coat all day
so many people like my lab coat cus its got lace and bows on it X3
i had do an important practical today and a 10 min job took me an hour
as i was trying to get it right
i had to use a spray that gives cancer literally
not nice stuff so i had to be careful with that
and solvent that burn
just a nasty practical for biology but only 3 more classes have to do it this year ^^
me and jack obviously had the same lunch as he made me lunch
but we managed to eat without anyone being there so no one noticed and therefor couldnt ask or say anything as it did look strange XD
still not everyone knows about us in the science department
despite it being almost nine months now!
i came back and sat with Oz and mum
missed my Ozwald
then we went yoga but we had a supply who we have had before once shes ok but holds things for a long time, my hips cracked loads i doubt i will be able to walk tomorrow -___-
mum made brownies today so that was nice to come home to
tomorrow is school and friday
so i just gotta get that outta the way
but also i get my new car tomorrow!!!
mum is also going pets at home to look at baby pigs
as were not having a lot of look with rehoming shelters
we were gonna go rehoming shelter on saturday but the lady doesnt have many females she says
so yeah
we shall see
My god yesterday at work was manic
no one told me or warned me they hard big practicals coming up!
ones i havent done before >< so i was a lil stressed
but got everything done much to my amazement
i got shed loads done yesterday
i was about dead
after work i went to jack's
we had food and cuddles and talked about stuff
he brought up saturday and yeah i could tell it had been on his mind
and too right
so we sorted that out without arguing or anything
id gone past the stage of caring anyway
then mia rang me and we talked for a bit
and we went to bed for 11pm
we went to school
and school wasnt too bad
head of biology gave me a chocolate orange ^^ think it was her
way of saying thanks for all the help with open evening
cus i did so much running around
it was just really cold today i wore my lab coat all day
so many people like my lab coat cus its got lace and bows on it X3
i had do an important practical today and a 10 min job took me an hour
as i was trying to get it right
i had to use a spray that gives cancer literally
not nice stuff so i had to be careful with that
and solvent that burn
just a nasty practical for biology but only 3 more classes have to do it this year ^^
me and jack obviously had the same lunch as he made me lunch
but we managed to eat without anyone being there so no one noticed and therefor couldnt ask or say anything as it did look strange XD
still not everyone knows about us in the science department
despite it being almost nine months now!
i came back and sat with Oz and mum
missed my Ozwald
then we went yoga but we had a supply who we have had before once shes ok but holds things for a long time, my hips cracked loads i doubt i will be able to walk tomorrow -___-
mum made brownies today so that was nice to come home to
tomorrow is school and friday
so i just gotta get that outta the way
but also i get my new car tomorrow!!!
mum is also going pets at home to look at baby pigs
as were not having a lot of look with rehoming shelters
we were gonna go rehoming shelter on saturday but the lady doesnt have many females she says
so yeah
we shall see
Tuesday, 1 October 2019
Heart in fridge
Evening
I only took my recommended dose of 75mg of pain killer last night
i laid there for 3 hours unable to sleep because of sheer pain
in the end i got up and sat with the tens machine
and went to bed at 12:30am
had a restless night and been awake since 5am
im so tired!
work was soooo boring
and it hasnt stopped raining all day
places are flooded
so it was boring, dismal and depressing
i thought i was gonna have a busy day! turned out to be slow and easy
i mean i shouldnt complain but then i like to be busy
it passes the day
jack asked me yesterday if id stay over on wednesday
and in all honesty i didnt want to
but today he told me hes gonna cook dinner and stuff
and that its just the two of us as theo is back home with his mum
and jack was gonna see his mum tonight so he'd be free for wednesday
so i kinda felt like he was trying
and damn right he should too
so i feel i should maybe give him the chance to redeem himself
i just cant be arsed!
i will go over tho it will be alright i know it will
and be nice just the two of us
i went and fetched the heart after school
so i got to leave school early! result!
its in the fridge, in replacement of the maggots XD
i got home and did some dancing
i was sweating and very tired but i have to do these things
i left my sweaty jogging bottoms on my bedroom floor and later told mum a full description of them to which she was not impressed and said and i quote "i brought you up better than this" i put them in the wash bin, i only did it to annoy her
been getting stuff ready to sleep over to jack's
im so tired ive probably forgotten something but who cares
gone past the stage of caring
the few people ive told that ive overdosed
made a real big deal of it
and i kinda understand the reaction
but in a way i feel its an over reaction
or have i become detached?
i never once thought my life or health was at risk i just knew i could handle it and id be out of pain and even if things took a turn for the worse
it would be worth it
last night during the night i had so many self harm thoughts
i do worry for the day im not strong enough to fight them off and i go through with it
which is why today i made an appointment to see the doctor
but they cant get me in for another week surprise surprise
anyway tomorrow is a boring day at work
i have to get the tonne of stuff ready for A-level open evening tomorrow night
which will give me something to do
dont really want to handle the dead rat....and they best get rid of all the blood and heart and rat
i am NOT cleaning that thursday morning
so i will go straight to jack's and spend the night with him
were gonna watch an anime dvd i brought "summer wars" we both havent seen it
i do plan on taking 150mg tonight tho
which is a dose i was once prescribed so i know i can do it safely
i told jack that i cant keep taking so much as i'll burn through my prescription
and he says "youre more bothered about running out of medication than you are about your own health and what youre doing with yourself."
he has been on my case about it
I only took my recommended dose of 75mg of pain killer last night
i laid there for 3 hours unable to sleep because of sheer pain
in the end i got up and sat with the tens machine
and went to bed at 12:30am
had a restless night and been awake since 5am
im so tired!
work was soooo boring
and it hasnt stopped raining all day
places are flooded
so it was boring, dismal and depressing
i thought i was gonna have a busy day! turned out to be slow and easy
i mean i shouldnt complain but then i like to be busy
it passes the day
jack asked me yesterday if id stay over on wednesday
and in all honesty i didnt want to
but today he told me hes gonna cook dinner and stuff
and that its just the two of us as theo is back home with his mum
and jack was gonna see his mum tonight so he'd be free for wednesday
so i kinda felt like he was trying
and damn right he should too
so i feel i should maybe give him the chance to redeem himself
i just cant be arsed!
i will go over tho it will be alright i know it will
and be nice just the two of us
i went and fetched the heart after school
so i got to leave school early! result!
its in the fridge, in replacement of the maggots XD
i got home and did some dancing
i was sweating and very tired but i have to do these things
i left my sweaty jogging bottoms on my bedroom floor and later told mum a full description of them to which she was not impressed and said and i quote "i brought you up better than this" i put them in the wash bin, i only did it to annoy her
been getting stuff ready to sleep over to jack's
im so tired ive probably forgotten something but who cares
gone past the stage of caring
the few people ive told that ive overdosed
made a real big deal of it
and i kinda understand the reaction
but in a way i feel its an over reaction
or have i become detached?
i never once thought my life or health was at risk i just knew i could handle it and id be out of pain and even if things took a turn for the worse
it would be worth it
last night during the night i had so many self harm thoughts
i do worry for the day im not strong enough to fight them off and i go through with it
which is why today i made an appointment to see the doctor
but they cant get me in for another week surprise surprise
anyway tomorrow is a boring day at work
i have to get the tonne of stuff ready for A-level open evening tomorrow night
which will give me something to do
dont really want to handle the dead rat....and they best get rid of all the blood and heart and rat
i am NOT cleaning that thursday morning
so i will go straight to jack's and spend the night with him
were gonna watch an anime dvd i brought "summer wars" we both havent seen it
i do plan on taking 150mg tonight tho
which is a dose i was once prescribed so i know i can do it safely
i told jack that i cant keep taking so much as i'll burn through my prescription
and he says "youre more bothered about running out of medication than you are about your own health and what youre doing with yourself."
he has been on my case about it
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)