No eating or drinking sign finished!

 Konbanwa~~

Last night I did my work out whilst Jack watched trash tv XD

dinner with my ex it was called

where the hell do they get the people to go on this show? Jack makes me laugh how he can watch these things, he says it makes him feel like I better person XD

We were in bed for 10:15pm, I had done my nails so I felt I had done something for  myself and they turned out ok actually.

I didnt want to go to school tho, woke up 5mins before my alarm so it was nice waking up on my own terms and not waking up to the alarm, feels like point to Jo XD

I got ready for school and went a bit punky today with a red & black stripped neck bow, bat wing hair clips and red shorts, black tights. Jack said I looked cute and tempting XD

School was actually ok, my anxieties about the bacteria have been lessened by a simple list.

I wrote down Monday to friday on a scrap piece of paper and wrote down every bacteria step I need to do on each day and then I filled out the other days with other technician tasks. I instantly felt better.

Jack said later on "do you want like a white board were we put up your tasks for the week?"

I said "yeah I do actually, and I will fill out the following week's tasks on fridays then Im not worrying about it over the weekend" so thats what we are gonna do

i did my normal jobs of prepping lessons and then I spent the rest of the day drawing the No eating and drinking sign chris wants, I got it finished!!

He is pleased with it, he is going to put the text on it as I didnt know what was suppose to be on it, I only wanted to do the image. It might go round other schools! Then I drew a G-clamp for Jack as he wanted to do something with it. Then it was home time really.

We collected Oz on the way home, he is so sweet but mum said she had chased him off her plants a few times today >.>

We got home and sat inside with a brew and i had pain killers, I keep getting that splitting headache. had it on and off for 4 days now.

I did the faffy dinner of pasta but it was really good, Jack cleared up and did other house chores cus I had a bit of tummy ache and sat with Oz.

I will do my exercises next, not sure what exercises I will do as my tummy hurts a bit

then bath~~

tomorrow is school

just normal technician jobs and need to draw 100g mass weights for Jack, its nice having the option of doing digital work at school~

No time to myself it goes to others EVERY TIME EVERY WEEKEND

 Evening

I did a good 45mins sesh last night did a HIIT workout which wasnt too bad but didnt enjoy it, had a bath and a pamper then watched Inuyasha with Jack

Woke up a lot in the night cus I wake up to Jack breathing/snoring. I got up at 7:30am and thought "If I get my chores done this morning I will have all day to actually do something for myself"

So I cleaned the toilet, did laundry etc

we went shopping and I cleaned Oz out and made soup all before midday, Jack was fixing a leak I came across this morning under the kitchen sink, he did so well fixing it ^^

So just when I thought Id have some actual ME time

Jack's mum txt can she come over to drop some stuff over.....

cant say no can I when we see my mother so much

So she came over with Jack's step dad, but it wasnt dropping anything over no no it was a come in and have a brew stay.....its lovely to see them I like seeing them and all that. its just I had worked so hard this morning so I could have some time to myself, to draw, to mong out, to not have to talk or entertain people. So that was it then. Afternoon gone as they didnt leave til gone 3:30pm -_________-

I ranted off at Jack that I get no time to do anything for myself, he gets to game EVERYDAY, I have to sit with Oz EVERY NIGHT as hes MY reasonability, I NEED to work out EVERY DAY to help my pain so I lose time to that and for what? doesnt help anyway, I miss out on nice tasty sweet food cus of this diet and for what? doesnt work anyway. Massive rant. I was tired and fed up of life

I have done nothing for me this whole weekend

a whole weekend gone to others.

Jack told me to go get some drawing done so I did, and then I had to break off shortly to do dinner, I didnt even have my 4pm brew cus I wanted to draw. I did have my 4pm tablets and for some odd reason took a sleeping tablet! I was too busy talking to jack and was thinking 'hope I sleep tonight' and took a sleeping tablet without thinking!! I chilled out tho! Pain killers and sleeping tablet really helped me chill out XD

After dinner I did a bit more drawing, so my blood bath girl is coming along but its slow and Im on the bath which I will find difficult. 

Jack is sitting with Oz as he said he will sit with Oz for me, then I will work out (pointlessly) and have a bath and go to bed. To be back at sodding work tomorrow morning where I will have to endure another 5 days before I can recover and maybe do something for myself.

life sucks

why did I move out? do everything round here. Life is no better  

Keep putting on weight, played salon

 Evening

I did my work  out last night which was just over 40mins

I was txting my brother asking if he wanted a hair cut as his getting long and his hair dresser was closed cus of covid, hes got to find somewhere new to go which isnt easy for my brother. So I thought I would offer my services but he said he was fine.

I had a bath but not my usual hot drink and banana as my stomach felt a bit off so I didnt want to push more down it.

I slept ok, I woke up a few times thinking "what the hell is that sound" just Jack breathing....

I woke up at 8:45am by the sound of my phone getting a message from mum. wanting to see if I was coming over this morning. I txt her back saying "you woke me!" it was fine. Jack came into the room and was like "I have just managed to sneak out the bedroom as well" I got up anyway >.>

This morning til about 4pm it has rained none stop. Miserable day -_____-

So I don't feel like I have done a great deal. This morning at 11am I went over to mum's after I had died twice on the toilet of course T^T Oh and I weighed myself. 64.3kg.....how unfair is that. 

I have put weight on

lost a percentage of muscle

and gained a percentage of fat

despite me using weights and not digesting my food for best part of the week

I dont know why I bother!

Jack said "you dont know how accurate those scales are I wouldnt worry."

true true. But doesnt make me feel any better >.> feel like I work for nothing

last week i was 63.1kg I was sure I was finally gonna be in the 62kg section. Maybe need to do more cardio? But its hard and I worry about pushing myself too hard and being too tired for work.

At mums I had a cup of tea with mum and the sows, my brother was in the room too so it was nice to see him as well. Dad was at work but I saw him just as I left at 1pm.

I came home and had my lunch then went to bed, I didnt want to but my body is always exhausted come the weekend so I have to give in to it. Besides not a lot else I could be doing it was raining and dont really wanna go anywhere during covid times

speaking of which it will be no longer mandatory for kids to wear masks in schools on 17th may....we havent even had our first vaccination yet! far too soon for masks to be coming off.

I was woken once again by my phone, from my brother calling

can I cut his hair....I offered man! I was over too! XD I actually dont mind doing it and enjoy it in a way. So I had a quick brew with Jack to wake me up and see Oz too.

My brother came over for his cut which went alright :) He left for a shower

and then jack walked into my salon for his sheering. His hair is so much easier as I dont have to style it I just do the shaver over his head XD He was comparing piles of hair who had lost more, it was easy my brother as its longer. He went for a shower whilst I did dinner

So I feel like I have done something productive with my day even if it was just playing salon.

They both looked better for a hair cut ^^

After dinner just come on my laptop and might do my work out and then sit Oz. He hasnt been out all day so its been nice for him to play outside I kinda dont wanna bring him for a while as he needs to do some actual exercise, he tends to just sit when hes indoors and frisk for treats

Id like to do some drawing later tho as that was what I wanted to do earlier but went to sleep and cut hair. Today I have given myself for others and that is fine :)  its nice to give your time to others.

Tomorrow

chore day isnt it

so shopping, soup, Oz, bathroom, getting ready for school

anything left of the day I have no idea what I will do as the weather is suppose to be bad once again.

listened to k-pop

Otsukararesama deshita~

I managed 45mins of exercise last night ^^ I enjoyed my bath afterwards as it was like perfect temperature. Jack had the bath after me. We watched Inuyasha and went to bed

I actually slept through the night!!! Woo! Of course it meant dreaming of being a wolf in a wolf pack. Of course -_____- I have A LOT of dreams about wolves, sure I must have been one in a former life.

This morning I didnt die once on the toilet, I died twice! course I did. I also had a splitting headache like a fissure down the centre of my head. I felt sick too. I said to Jack "its like being hungover from those strong pain killers" he said "I can believe that" XD

We got to school and school wasn't too bad I guess. People were shocked that we had been asked to come in yesterday and for 3 hours only at that. I got the day done and managed to do some more of the picture for Chris which is coming along nicely ^^ I replanted my sunflowers now so they are in bigger pots and I bought them home too.

Whilst drawing I was listening to K-pop! Yes K-pop, I have no clue what theyre saying, only the english bits XD But it made a change I guess. I chose to listen to Blackpink, I was shocked at how many views their music videos have!! Like over a billion! I had no idea they were THAT big, I had heard of them but I have never actually actively searched for k-pop. But helped get the drawing done I guess :) Might listen to them whilst working out tonight. My favourite by Blackpink is love sick girls. id like to learn the dance but they are so talented in dancing that Im sure I will feel quite crap in comparison, but it might be fun.

Speaking of working out, I said to Jack "I wanna reach the 50% muscle mass"

he said "you need to put actual weight on for that to happen"

I said "I dont want to gain weight I just want more muscle"

He said "To gain muscle you take it away from the fat mass, yours is already at the limit so you would have to eat more to gain weight which you turn into muscle"

I didnt realise this, I feel swindled some how, I told him he always fun police >.>

Im not sure what my target is now. Maybe its still to be in the 50kg section :/ but I wonder if that will make me go lower on the fat percentage. Who knows. Its weekly weigh in tomorrow anyway

at around 3pm I felt sicky then driving home I felt sicky anxiety but had no idea why. What is there to be anxious about when I am going home?

I picked Oz up, I told mum I would see her tomorrow. She had bought me some strawberries ^^

We got home and Jack made me a brew and we sat outside with Ozwald, enjoying the last of the sun as its suppose to pour down allllll weekend....

We came inside and I waited around for Jack to have a shower then I heated up our leftovers but I didnt feel like dinner so I only had about half the portion I usually do. 

Jack cleared up and I laid on sofa. Hes gone to play dungeon and dragons from 6:30pm to 10pm so I am by myself like every friday night. Of course I am with Sir Ozwald. 

Tomorrow

I have Jack's hair to cut, shopping list to write and not sure what else I have to do. I am going to see mum after lunch but not staying hours. Then come home and might do some drawing maybe.

we had to go into school, food picture

 Konbanwa~~

So last night we had a phone call from head of science saying "dept head wants you to come in"

lord knows why, so we were a bit annoyed to say the least. But we got on and did some yoga which Jack enjoyed and did quite well. We had a bath - not together obviously - then had a hot chocolate watching Inuyasha.

We got up for school, I didnt die on the toilet, I didnt need to go at all which i do find odd.

We dropped Oz off and went to school

A lot of staff turned up, we bumped into a TA and said "it sucks having to come in" she said "im just fetching my laptop and working from home"

but wait, shes support staff, and the dept head has asked for support staff to come in?.....

We thought something was a bit off here

But we got on with work, head of science came and ended up talking to me as Jack had gone to have a bitch with Chris. Head of science didnt say a whole lot about the situation other than school should be open tomorrow. To check the labs and prep for tomorrow and we can go at 11am.

Jack came back and we did what head of science asked. I had come in jumper and joggers I wasnt arsed and no one else had come in their school wear. I wanted to be warm but I was still freezing.

Chris told us that only us science technicians and him had been asked to come in. How skank is that. Very targeted and victimized I feel. The DT and food tech technician got to work from home......

We left at 11am anyway, picked up Oz and came home to thaw out. We had a brew then lunch then I went and did some dusting, then I did some work for school, the work for chris he wants a no eating sign to be made. Here is my start, Im doing food escaping.

I had overdosed and thought I could handle it but worked out I had taken 3 times as much as I usually do so I was practically comatose, I had Oz in the living room with me who fell asleep in his basket and I fell asleep on the sofa. Jack checked on us he said and left us to it XD

I got up and put Oz outside, mum came over for a brew and Jack went to continue gaming.

When mum left I did dinner, feeling a bit more human

after dinner I did some more work to the drawing and emailed it to my school computer.

I will go see Sir Ozwald now and then do some exercises I think I feel in the mood to do some exercise too, like I need to move my body.

Tomorrow

school and it is friday! woo, shouldnt be too hard of a day and hopefully I can get more on my drawing done thats if chris likes the design. 

No school tomorrow!

 Konbanwa~~~

I slept a bit better last night as I wrapped myself up in a blanket, good job I did as there was ice on the car this morning! Ice! its may!

So this morning we were up early to do stew anyway, but I had to dash to the toilet and thought

"great got it out the way before breakfast, I will be on time today"

no

just no

my stomach isnt happy unless I am suffering

so I had to again after breakfast! I felt rough afterwards -_____-

we set off LATE for work, but our main road was closed in the village, so we had to divert, and so did everyone else...we did not expect this. So we had a lot of traffic to battle with, then further down the line there had been a car accident! What usually takes 20mins to get to work took over 40mins....

Jack drove and he did so well bless him. Good experience for him.

Got to school and we werent the only ones who had got caught in the traffic

My day was ok, pretty easy and did some digital drawing

nothing special to say really

we left for home and the traffic was fine, mum brought Oz over for us :)

I sat with mum whilst Jack gamed, he says he is looking forward to yoga tho ^^

we had our stew which was nice :D

then I did some jobs like getting ready for school, then chris rang me "drains are blocked, no school tomorrow check your email"

and he was right!!! No school tomorrow!!!

Best news ever ever ever!!!! I can rest tomorrow thank god, I have got to work from home but that is a lot easier on the body than working. 

Tonight is Jo night

we are gonna do some yoga and then face pack then bath ^^

Tomorrow is working from home I guess

Its a week til my blood test

bought my new cacti home :D

14% body fat is the limit

 Konbanwa~~

I did a good 40mins of exercise last night 30mins of it is using my dumbbells ^^

I had a bath and then watched Inuyasha final act with Jack, strong opening start it had!

We went to bed for 10pm which I was happy about

but I kept waking up in the night from Jack pulling the covers and I wake up thinking "Jack is cold and needs covers" So I pass covers over each and every time and fall asleep again but its still disturbed sleep. It must have been a cold night and Im guessing I was robbing the covers to keep warm in my sleep....

This morning we got up and ready for school and dropped Oz off, he came inside for a quick hop round as he wasnt doing much outside >.>

Jack drove to school and the closer we got the more anxious I got....I hadnt died on the toilet so I was feeling good apart from this anxiety. Upon walking up to the school doors I brought up bile. I have no idea why I get so worked up its just fair. I like my job!

My day wasnt even that bad! I dont have to mess with the bacteria this week so thats a massive stress gone for a week. I didnt have much to do anyway so yeah I have no idea why I feel so anxious. 

I was shattered, like my eye lids are red and puffy and I look like I havent slept in a few days. Not sure why to be honest. I was ready for my lunch, been hungry all day ><

I told Julia that I hadnt lost any weight last week but my water percentage was higher than normal. She asked what my fat percentage was and I said "14%" she said "that is the percentage an athlete has, any lower and its not healthy" did not know that. So I am at the minimum level of body fat. Guess thats a good diet achievement? I would like to gain more muscle. she said "at 44% muscle you are in the healthy zone, past 50% is high muscle percentage" hmmm wonder if I can reach 50?

We finished up for the day and had a brew at mums with Oz on the sofa who was falling asleep.

When we got home we had to get food ready which I obviously cooked but Jack cut up everything and everything for the stew to put on tomorrow morning. Then he showered whilst I cooked as he has a raid tonight.

I had stomach pains after dinner so had to spent some time on the toilet whilst Oz waited in the living room for me, luckily I didnt die too badly. Oz was good boy. Its throwing it down again so he hasnt wanted to play out which I do not blame him.

I will do some of my work out tonight :) using my weights then have a bath I think

tomorrow

school really, got stew to put on before school. Mum is coming over after school with Oz for a brew.