Slept deeply for the first time in months!!!! and I get praise ^^

 Pyon Pyon~~

I slept. Like deeply.....really odd. For me anyway XD

I woke up feeling like I had had a deep sleep. I found my phone on the floor but it lives on my bedside table I dont go to sleep reading my phone. So at some point I had knocked it off in my sleep and even that hadnt woke me!! So strange. I did nothing different tho......

So this morning, Oz didnt come out in the garden which isnt like him. I went to find him and found him sitting on the planks in the garage, i thought I would bring him in for morning carrot and he panicked in my arms as I got closer to the back door. I think he thought he was going in the carrying case - he didnt want to go daycare. I keeps massively stressing him out. 

I said I would give it another go as it means he wouldnt come out much during the winter months, but seeing so unhappy and stressed gets me het up as well. Also hes 4 now and only has a little heart, Id hate for the stress to get him to and he have a heart attack - it can happen!

So txt mum and told her about Oz that he would be staying home. I think this is it now. I think no more daycare. What was meant as a nice thing for him (company and exercise during my working hours) is just stressing him out now. He will be home tomorrow, I hope he comes out in the morning.

I was a little bit anxious about school but it was actually ok and I got it all done including the god forsaken online training. But yeah it was an alright day really. I was just shattered after it

mum was already here. She had done 30mins of gardening for us which was nice of her

I had a brew with her, whilst Jack wrote me some more biology test questions.

We did dinner, which was spicy noodles....Jack thought it was nice and not really spicy....

the first mouthful blew my face off, after the 3rd mouthful I lost the ability to taste anything, after the 6th mouthful I saw Jesus. 

After dinner, my lips were burning like id had the skin pulled from them, my throat burned and my stomach like all my intestines felt burnt!!! Jo does not do spice ><

After I recovered I prepped tomorrows dinner with Jack, then did my biology test and Jack kindly went through it again and I got 13/15! He praised me and said I am always improving ^^ He never makes me feel stupid. Which is how a lot of adults made me feel whilst growing up, which led to me not asking for help, which led to me struggling through my school life. I somehow passed my exams but barely 

I then did a choly ting work out and I was using my weights for the whole 15 mins but it about killed me off!!! Jesus! It wasnt even that 'bad' but god I was done

had a nice soak in the bath

Just looking at make up whilst Oz eats carrot in front of me. I have been thinking of wearing some but Im really into my skin care, I would hate to put something on my face which ruins my skin or makes me break out. So I have ordered a conditioning blush and conditioning lip. Different brands and I will see how it goes I guess. I havent worn make up since before corona!!

Jack is gaming tonight hes been gaming for an hour and I said if hes finishing at 9:30-10pm to not bother coming to bed with me and stay up til whenever as I like to be in bed for 9:30pm. So I am not sure when he will join me. He told me I can get him if I need to tho.

Tomorrow

school really, nothing special, not many pracs so I might get some art done!! <3

oh I was praised - not to my face - by dept head again today when she found out that I was responsible for the displays in science. She asked who did them as they were the best in school

damn straight ^^

sometimes its nice to be praised, other times I dont feel good enough for praise.

depends on what mental state I am in ^^;

better monday than last

 Evening

I slept pretty well despite having to wait for Jack to shower, get dressed and come to bed

We got ready for school, Oz was not feeling daycare

School was ok

I got a lot done, and the helper got all my pipettes washed! *0* I was so grateful as they were making me depressed!! I painted The Simpsons 3 eyed fish for a display and the teacher loved it XD Did some online training everyone in school has to do but its so tedious, got my practicals done. Got practicals tomorrow too but nothing major just messy ones. I have got an A-level one to practice this week tho

Jack's doctors appointment got cancelled annoyingly but hes rearranged for thursday

we picked Oz up on the way home and he was panting bless him, its the shortest journey ever

We got home and had a home made scone from Jack's step dad and a brew so that was nice

then Jack wrote me a proper science test as I need to practice before thursday. I got 13/19 but lost an easy 3 marks so I know where I need to improve and he is so supportive and good. I didnt do the test til after dinner tho. We started eating dinner outside which was nice but a wasp wouldnt leave us alone and jack doesnt do wasps so we came inside which was a shame.

After dinner I had stomach ache and laid on my bed. Pulled pork is just too rich for me I think as it keeps doing this to me.

I did my test then Jack went through it with me, did 10mins of exercise then had a bath

Just doing my diary with Oz and Jack is here now.

We will probably watch anime and go bed I am dead!! Anime we started watching is Demon eyes Kyo its from 2002 so its old and we only watched the first episode but like tsubasa I found it slow. Just a lot of staring at one another kinda thing. Not enough action all talk. Jack has told me to give it another episode at least before I cast judgement XD

Tomorrow

is school and hopefully I will see mum after school~ 

it was nice to complete this monday as last monday I went home crying and worked from home

Day spent apart

 Evening

I could not sleep last night due to the Live thing going off at a park 2 towns over. Its called Detonate and its literally a DJ in a park blasting out bass or NOISE cus my god thats all it sounded like last night and only started to fizzle out at 11:30pm. At which time I was up eating biscuits and Jack slept. I was in bed before 12 but it went past 12 by time I slept. Woke up at 7am

Had breakfast with Jack, cooked my meat and biscuits and cleaned the bathroom all before 9:15am which is when James came to collect Jack. Its 9:30pm and he is yet to return TT^TT

I have spent the day taking breaks and doing my biology work which came out well

then at 4pm I took Oz over to mums and cut his claws which got him quite stressed

I had dinner there and ate with my mum and dad as my brother wasn't home. So I didnt want to eat alone. I stayed til 7pm. 

I came back and did 10mins of exercise as I felt like if I did anymore I would be pushing myself despite the fact ive eaten nothing but bad stuff all day >< 

I then had a full on pamper in the bath, face pack, hair oil, hair mask. Then came out and dyed my eye lashes and eye brows and then sitting with a face sheet

as I finish writing this my Jack has just come home

got school tomorrow

id like to do a full week XD

hes got doctors after school 

shopping for like 3 hours this morning....

 Konbanwa~~

I only remembered about doing my diary at like 10pm last night so I didnt bother

Yesterday was ok, it was the first day were I have thought "I am actually getting over this cold" as I was actually starting to feel better....8 days later >.> 

school was busy but a bit lighter compared to other days this week, and I got a lot done! I almost caught up with my washing up but I still have plenty to do. Washing up actually breeds in my prep room. I said to Jack that I really hoped I would get some time to do some art today

and I did! I managed to put the backing up on the display, paint black biohazard symbols on it and let the paint run and drip it looks sick. then I made the border which is yellow and black stripped like hazard tape. It looks cool already and its not finished. Its for a nuclear display.

We got home, without Ozwald. Which was very strange indeed. It did not feel right, we both said it. But I was seeing mum later on that night so I said I would get Oz then

we had a rest and I did 20mins of exercise whilst Jack was in the shower. I about died as I was exhausted but needed to get it out the way and needed to keep going. We had dinner when he came out of the shower. Then I went in the bath and Jack went to game.

I was over at mum's at 6:30pm. she got in my car and I said "wheres you handbag?" 

she said "I dont need anything so didnt want to bring anything"

I said "mum go get your bag otherwise whats the point in coming!?"

she said "no im fine im just keeping you company"

so I drove us to tk maxx as I needed a few bits, I walked off getting what I needed which was face wash (as I dont like the one I am currently using), weights (mine gave me a sweat rash as theyre horrible, my old ones broke and these ones are awful), and a flower pot for Jack's nan's birthday

I found mum, she had 4 hangers over her arm

I said "so whats all this?"

she said "i know, but I just found them"

I said "I did say to take your bag with you"

she said "I can pay you back" T^T why mother why. just cus you dont NEED anything doesnt actually stop YOU from getting anything XD I managed to find face wash, new weights (even heavier ones I was well happy) a pot, a halloween mug, and of course I had so buy mum's stuff. Funny hers came to more than mine >.>

we got back to her house and she gave me a couple of cup cakes she made, I ate those and went to get Oz in who was sat on the decking in the dark. I had left him in the shed when we went out but yeah him just sitting there honestly looked like he was think "has she forgot to pick me up!?" he looked so lost and forgotten about it was very sweet and I wanted to squeeze the living day lights out of him. He sat on the sofa with me and I stayed half hour then came home with Oz.

He 'helped' me pack Miho's presents to send to Japan. I then unpacked all my stuff from TK, put Oz to bed and then made biscuits. When I was finished it was 9:50am I had been up since 6:20am I was dead.....Jack finished gaming just after 10pm. 

we watched the last episode of Tenchi Muyo, not sure what we will watch next!

we didnt realise that the last episode was an hour long....thought it was going on a bit! Thank god it wasnt a school night. We got into bed at 11:30pm....my god

I woke up at 7:30am and had a wee and did my teeth then dived on Jack who was still asleep, he said it was a nice way to wake up XD he made me breakfast which was fruit loaf and tea, which is why I woke him - food.

so this morning we did the sheer amount of errands we had to get done. We left the house at 8:50am

post office collection - for a missed parcel

post office - to send Miho's present.....cost £23 T^T + my car Tax £210

into the next town

butches - bacon sandwich which was Jacks breakfast

Boyes - plant feed and few housey things

savers - beauty and house products

jewellers - needed a new earring as one keeps reacting in my piercing

dropped stuff off to the car

poundshop - sweets and a pumpkin mug and pumpkin glass ^^

wilkos - storage box and outdoor paint for car tires

back to the car to drive to asda

did our weekly food shop round asda which was cheaper but more stressful as it was busy and full of not nice people really. I was getting quite stressed. 

I was exhausted.....

I drove us home it was 11:50am

we had been 3 hours!!!!

we had a brew and put stuff away and then made lunch then I went to die in my bed as I was just dead. I got up and cleaned out Ozwald

I chose a design for tonights nails, and sorted out beauty products and sat round a bit

did the dinner

now just doing my diary, I will do my work out, have a bath then do my nails ^^

tomorrow

Jack is going over to Birmingham with his family who are kindly picking him up at 9:30am

so I have the day to myself! I am going to do my biology work and got the bathroom to clean. Not got to make soup this week as I have loads in the freezer!! I will go over to my family's at 4pm for dinner then come home for a bath and Oz and get ready for school.

Mum has bathed the girls so I get to sit with the clean fluffy sows ^^

Test next week

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night thank god

and didnt feel too deathy when I got up ether, Jack said he was doing pretty ok too. Hes still got a lingering runny nose tho

We dropped Oz off for day care

School is just so hard

its so busy and I am also not feeling 100% ether.

I as going to meet with head of science at period 2 but he found me at the start of the day and asked if we could meet now >< was not prepared for this! But it wasnt too bad. I dont get told off or anything but I just always feel inadequate by having days off

I did just find the day difficult. Its like I can't think straight or have enough energy for any of the tasks ahead of me. Yeah I just need to be well -______- Jack supported me

I had my biology lesson which was just so much to take in its unreal. We have a half hour test next week too on all we have learned in these 3 hours! So our homework is to revise!! ><

I was looking forward to doing some art after my tasks were done but the washing up and mess is just mounting up like its breeding. As I actually had some energy after my tasks I did an hour of clearing up. I was sweating. It about killed me off but I can see a bit of work space appearing. Yes its as bad as that. The place is a sodding mess. I hate it. But theres just not enough time to do everything. We need a 4th technician but the school wont pay for another member of staff >.> like we 3 are paid anything decent anyway! we are one of lowest paid schools in nottingham

But there is a lot of support for staff which is why I stay at the school. Also this year the school has decided to pay for flu vaccines for everyone who wants one. Typical you know as this is my first year being asthmatic and as such I get a flu vaccine for free on the NHS anyway now. So its annoying the year the school decides to pay is the same year that I will get them free every year from now on anyway! 

Mum txt to say she had dropped Oz off at home before she went to her massage which was nice of her. We popped to a corner shop on the way home for stuff for lessons tomorrow. I was knackered but didnt want to be doing it tomorrow morning really

we came home and I had fruit loaf and tea which was amazing and needed

I laid on my bed til dinner as Jack was just having pizza and I made him cook it, I was dead

we had dinner then I went on my laptop for a bit. Now I am gonna do a bit of a work out, just 15mins again like yesterday as it is more than enough for me right now!

Tomorrow

is friday and school. Thank god its friday it has felt like such a long week 0.0 I am also seeing mum after school not seen her for a few days

We were both back

 Evening

I couldnt get off to sleep and ended up getting up for 2 wees >.> and today been peeing for britain but I think you do pee a lot when you're coming to the end of a cold

So we got up and asked each other how we were feeling

Jack said he wasnt too bad, I honestly thought he would be really poorly as I bloody was on day 3 >.>

I felt a bit deathy but really wanted to go in. So we got ready, dropped Oz over and went to school

School was hard and I was having massive anxiety! I had to go and walk outside on the streets to get red leaves for an A-level practical first thing. What with my anxiety, cold weather, and sore throat, I actually couldnt breathe. I was almost staggering back to the prep room for my inhaler. I have never been that close to a full on asthma attack. Honestly couldnt breathe, or get a full lung in. I wasnt frightened as I know thats the worse thing you can do as worrying messes the breathing even more. I eventually caught my breath but it did leave me somewhat shaky so then I was recovering from that. Ugh guess I was still pretty sick this morning. I did have 2 members of staff say "take it easy" "can tell youre not right your not your usual bubbly self" yeh people can see when I am sick

Jack did my to-do list with me as I wanted to go through what I needed to do and stuff. He felt more capable today than me ALSO the physic teachers had prepped their own lessons and put it on their own trollies!! How unfair, come on biology teachers >.> So Jack said he would do my biology lessons today. He gave me jobs to do today and once I had done those I would be allowed to do art. 

I didnt get that much art done as it goes....but never mind.

I got the day done even if it was a massive ask.....jesus I was exhausted and starving

We picked Oz up, not that he would come for me T^T I was so hungry and tired Ozwald.....and we had him for 2 hour last to dry him out and it meant 2 hours of fuss and treats and he still gives me the run around, I worked out he actually wanted a wee before being picked up thats why he was running around. I saw him do a big wee then went to pick him up. But he still ran off!! Actual git

we got home and I had tea, fruit loaf, pain killers, hot bag, joggers. the lot.

I hadnt got to cook as we put stew on this morning which was nice its just not my kinda dinner really.

Then I havent done much else but rest really as I feel tired but I will do a 10min work out just to help me sleep and help my pain and well being. Then have a bath and sit with Oz. Asked Jack to finish gaming at 9pm so we can watch tenchi and go to bed on time as we both need sleep.

tomorrow

school, period 2 I have a meeting with head of science about my absences....then period 3 I have my biology lesson. Then the day to get through. Plenty of sodding practicals T^T

we're both of work sick!!!

 Evening

So last night, I had sleep tea and sleep tablets, I had done a bit of a work out

this was all so I could SLEEP

could I? I was so anxious and worried about sleep

at 11:30 I got up for a bit, but I couldnt help but feel alone with my thoughts so at midnight I woke Jack up which was a hard task, how deep does that guy sleep!? jesus....he was struggling to stay awake and I told him I have already been up and didnt know what to do. I told him to go back to sleep, he was of no use to me >.> So i laid there and laid there

I decided that missing another day of school isnt worth all this and I wasnt gonna go

when I made the decision I wasnt gonna go, I fell asleep! Funny that!

We woke up to the alarm

I felt shattered and like death, I was coughing a lot and couldnt get my breath, amazing how different it is having a sore throat when asthma. Jack looked awful and sounded awful. It is definitely the same bug. He looks how I was at the weekend.

We just both said "can't go!" We have never done this before, both been off sick

Poor Julia!!! is all I could think

Jack rang us both in sick and rang Julia to tell her whats what and not to stress shes only one person and if teachers didnt get what they need so be it. I am keen to know who demanded their lessons in full and who said "its cool leave it" I want the details from Julia

we were back in bed for 6:30am and got up just after 8am and had breakfast

and what a waste of a sodding day

seriously

I do not cope well with resting. Spending the whole day sitting and laying is like sheer torture to me. I did feel like crying a coupe of times as it feels so unfair. Jack went to game playing turn based games by himself but on the whole he just sat round but thats not really anything out the ordinary for Jack

I made biscuits and cut his hair that was like only two productive things I did

I didnt exercise as I hurt from exercising yesterday. I dont mean like "i havent used these muscles in ages" hurt its more "i hurt and ache cus I am poorly and need rest" So I was hard on myself and didnt exercise. Despite my desire too. The fact that I am of course gaining weight as Im eating none stop and doing nothing. Jack says he has a splitting headache and is hungry which is how I was

I know I am getting better its just slow

I did a little bit of digital drawing and ordered a few bits online and yeah just waited for the day to bloody end. We had Oz for 2 hours this evening. Simply because the little critter thought it was a good idea to play in the rain, which I was ok with as he needed a stretch. Its when he then sits in the mud whilst its raining and trying to wash himself.....like go in your cage and dry off!!!

So I brought him in and discovered just how wet and muddy he was -______- Ozwald....

so we towel dried him and brushed him and kept him in to dry. He thought it was great XD as its 2 hours of treats and fuss. Cant help but feel we played into his paws....

Chris txt me this evening to say he was off too, cold also....god so much going around and only week 3 of term. It was so different this time last year as people werent getting colds so much as we were all distant and wearing something called MASKS.....

so tomorrow

we are getting up for school and putting the stew on.

and I have told Julia and mum that we are going to school unless I txt them otherwise

I hope I can go as I do not want another boring dull painful day tomorrow...... 

But god I hope I sleep. My body is achy and tired but god knows if I will actually be able to sleep.