I was off because of being cold!!

 Evening

So last night I ACHED I hurt everywhere. I took my pain killers but nothing touched it. I tried sleeping in my bed in my dressing gown at 9pm. By 1am I had not slept and taken 3 times more pain killers I was suppose to. I quietly wept and had all manner of thoughts. I went to bed at 2am and just laid there and laid there just waiting and hoping for sleep to take me. I looked at the clock....5am....

Every joint hurt. All because I had been working for 8 hours in 14c and it had just sunk into my joints and made me suffer needlessly. I do not expect school to put the heating on for ME but it would have been nice to have known that I needed to wrap up more. 

When the alarm went off at 6:15am I felt like death and told Jack I couldnt go school. To which I started crying and he said "none of this is your fault. If the school weren't such tight bastards you wouldnt have suffered all through the night and have to miss school. Do not worry Jo this will be documented on your return to work form." I could tell he was annoyed and Jack doesnt get annoyed...he rang school on my behalf and said "Jo wont be in today as the school was so cold yesterday its set off her fibromylgia"

I was grateful he rang up for me

I took him to school despite how I was feeling

I was so gutted not to be going with him

I called in at mum's she actually had the day off for a steroid injection in her hip so I had company. We sat with the girls and had a cup of tea. She felt annoyed towards the school as she said it was very unsupportive of them as they know I have an illness which is affected by the cold. Yeah school aint bothered >.> she said it also doesnt do me any good - mentally - to not be at school. shes right

I came home and went to bed for an hour. It was a long day tho

I had lunch with mummy

my new phone came and my case and screen protector! so thats good

I left it all in its box for my brother to put the screen protector on for me as he does an amazing job. Im hoping he has time to sort my phone out. I have left both phones at mum's so I have no way of contacting him to ask!

I picked Jack up which was a massive effort as I was so damn tired and achy. Spending an hour in the car was not fun but I got it done

all day it has been a drag mentally and physically. My body feels tired from not sleeping and too many drugs as well I think

I managed to put a few songs on my ipod, I havent done that in months! So I will listen to them at work tomorrow as I plan to go

Jack said that at 2pm today school put the heating on. So many people were complaining. We had a staff email last night saying staff can teach in their coats. How generous! But now the heating has gone on. I am hoping its on tomorrow as well. But I am wearing Jack's fleece lined trousers regardless. Not taking the risk. Im glad others complained. I thought it was me being weak and sensitive to the cold. But no. when jack told people why I was off today they all said how disgusting it was of the school and how bloody cold it was.

so yeah, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

I have taken another blanket from mum's as I was freezing last night, hopefully I will be able to sleep and be warm. My god I want to be able to sleep T^T

what a sucky day just cus school is tight with money and I have my health issues.

and yeah hopefully as well I will have my new phone with me tomorrow

I can survive without a phone tho XD

put the heating on!

 Evening

I slept ok, got up for one wee and slept ok after that

Did not wanna go school tho :/ Felt anxious like I was gonna sit an exam T^T

School was damn hard. The tight sods hadnt put the heating on!!! Its so cold and damp. It had rained a lot today, the building has been shut up for 2 weeks. it was 15c today and whilst that sounds ok, it does get hard work trying to retain heat after a bit so of course despite my layers I did get cold and I ached. I didnt wear loads of layers to work in thinking the heating would be on but no, so I have been in jack's coat like all day and my cardigan with that! and a sleeveless jumper! thermal tights!

I had to go to the shops too which I wasnt happy about as theres never a thank you and I am short on energy. My day just sucked and felt long really

We got home and let Oz out for a wee then brought him in whilst we cooked and ate dinner, spoiled bun. I did 20mins of exercise after dinner then had a shower.

Ive struggled mentally today with feeling crap about my abilities, self harm thoughts, hearing tunes that arent there...Jo is mental. But probably a bit stressed is all

Sourced some fleece lined trousers of Jack's, so theyre long but theyre warm. Ill go armed with these tomorrow!

dont wanna go

getting in bed for 9pm >.>

Halloween 2021!

 Boooo!

sleeping tablets WORK, like the ones you get on prescription - work

I took them last night and I could feel myself feeling drowsy within half hour and along with came the taste of death in my mouth

I went to bed and that was it I was out! Next thing I knew it was morning!! The night felt like an hour. I felt like I had actual sleep too. Jack said I hardly moved in my sleep whereas I usually move a lot in my sleep (I ache in my sleep as theres no rest from fibromylgia!)

So yes it was a good start to my day, I didnt feel tired and drowsy from the meds ether. I just had the words rankest taste in my mouth which affects the way food tastes. Nothing gets rid of the taste and everything doesnt taste as normal. I have had these sleeping tablets before, my dad last month was prescribed them, took them once and decided he didnt like them. So I said to mum "GIMME GIMME GIMME!!"  theyre like sodding gold dust! Doctors dont like handing them out

anyway

so last night was the art teachers halloween party! her name is Tracey and we went 2 years ago to her party which we both enjoyed and this year she was having an outdoor party. Lizzi the art technician was going so we said we would see her there

we got dressed up, Jack said I looked in my normal get up XD and he was a vampire he made a good vampire actually. 

The decorations were bloody fantastic honestly. Tracey said she had spend the last 2 weeks putting it all up and I could believe it. She had decorated all inside too as she gave the option to guests to go inside but she had also put gazebos outside and seating

we found Lizzi straight away

so we were with her and the other art teacher turned up with her sister so the 4 of us were chatting away, we stayed about 2 and a half hours. But I was getting so cold. My legs felt like complete blocks of ice. How Lizzi, dressed in mini skirt and t-shirt dress thing with stocking, wasnt freezing death I have no idea! she i wasnt even drinking!

I felt I had chest burn/heart burn whatever. I couldnt take a full breath in and then I worked it out -- its cold and damp I need my inhaler. So I went inside to a radiator to try thaw out, and it didnt work I still couldnt breathe properly. Jack found me 15mins later and I told him how I felt. He said we could go home, the other art teacher and her sister were leaving. We told Lizzi we were going so the 4 of us left. We had had a lovely time it was nice to see people outside of work and get dressed up. 

We came in and got Oz inside, despite it being 10:45pm! He loved coming in late XD we had hot chocolate with him, I had taken the sleeping tablet and we went to bed without anime. It was about 11:30pm when we got into bed

today

we went food shopping in the pouring rain my god the weather was horrid. We had Oz inside a lot today just cus its been too horrible for him to play out.

We came home and unpacked and had Oz in, had tea with him. Then we made lunch

after lunch i laid on the bed for a bit and then got up for a walk as the sun came out for one hour and one hour only today!

we came back and I said to jack I was hungry and needed brew so we had that and then started out pumpkin carving!! Mine was so hard to carve. It was home grown by the DT technician but the pumpkin flesh was 2" thick so it wore me out carving that bugger. Jack did a fantastic job of the ghost pumpkin. He said he felt it was the best he ever did. I was glad he had enjoyed it even if I felt like mine had been a total flop XD

we decorated the outside and put pumpkins in the windows and my light up pumpkin in the other window then we sorted out a few finances and then did dinner.

We answered the door a lot to trick or treaters! all our sweets went! so we quickly took down the decorations so the kids knew not to waste their time on us. After that think we only got called on twice but we obviously didnt answer the door as we had run out! So that was nice 

I then had a nice bath after dinner and a bit of a pampering, Jack had it after me and now we are gonna watch some anime with hot choc. I am going bed alone and Jack is gonna game with Theo. I am taking sleeping tablets again as I wish to sleep! I plan to be in bed before 9pm! 

tomorrow is school TT^TT sweet jesus thats come round far too fast

I can tell school is stressing me out tho even if I say "im fine" Im not. Im hearing tunes that arent actually there and feel very on the edge. yeah...im mental I guess....but sleeping tablets yay! 

new phone and going to halloween party!

 Evening

I am currently half dressed up in my halloween costume XD

So last night I was up til 1am by myself, trying to deal with self harm thoughts, it was awful and relentless. In the end I crawled into the bed rather than on the outside of it and cuddled up to my Jack and hoped all my thoughts would go and that I would sleep soon 

I did eventually fall asleep and woke up at 8:30am feeling hung over. I had taken 3 times as much pain killers I am suppose to. But I was getting desperate to just conk out. So I felt a bit rotten this morning

However I got on with my day

I cleaned Oz out and cleaned the bathroom - I have seriously had enough of cleaning this week!

Then I had a cup of tea with jack and then I dropped him off at the bus stop and I went to mum's. Jack was meeting Theo in town for a film and food. Mum was dying my hair for me. My red eyebrows dont look so out of place now my hair is red! She did a good job as always

After she had done that, I tackled a problem that I knew was approaching on 7th November....my phone contract is up! But as its in dad's name (I pay it tho) I was thinking it was gonna be a awful job to do as I would need him. As it goes, I didnt need him! I could look on my app on my phone and it said I could upgrade and picked which package I wanted. So I had 2 I liked I got my brother to look at them both but he recommended a Samsung Galaxy instead which was a pound more a month but if its gonna last me 2 years I dont mind and extra pound. My new contract is £13 a month for 2 years. My new phone will be delivered on Tuesday. Unlimited txts and calls and all that crap. I kinda pick phones on how good the camera is XD gotta get them pet pics! - thats all my phone is full of!

after that I grabbed my fabric boxes and brought them home. It had been nice to spend time with mum and I had lunch with her also.

I came home and let Oz out then flopped on my bed.

I am sick to death of being tired but its cus I havent slept properly in weeks

I rested for a bit then made myself tea and fruit loaf as Jack wasnt here to do it for me T^T

He did however come home with a very very very cute pumpkin plush I am so happy with it! and our new slow cooker! - its red :3 

I did us both dinner and then I flopped on the bed, having a moan that I was tired, have a headache and got to go look well for people in the cold. Jack was like "we dont have to go!" I want to go I just wish I had the damn energy for it. 

So he is just getting out the shower and I have been putting make up on. Actual make up! first time in 2 years. Only a bit of eye shadow tho XD nothing major as I dont want it on my face! But I have made some effort at least

I am going as a dead Japanese school girl! but with a 1000 layers on underneath as it is an outdoor halloween party so Im gonna freeze to death. Can already see your breath out there! its 7:45pm and we said we would aim for 8pm and stay for an hour or 2

come home and get Ozwald in and thaw out with hot chocolate

tomorrow

my last day off school

how has it come to that already TT^TT

shopping in the morning and soup to make then I have the day free~

2 hours straight of cleaning

 Evening

I didnt have to get up again but my god did I wake up loads...Jack said he woke up a lot. But he was thirsty  I said it was cus he had a load of salt before bed. It was a lot to eat - burgers fries waffle milkshake

I woke up at 8:30am anyway, Jack had left the bed. The bed was a mess. Looked like a war zone XD

as we ate breakfast jack suddenly got up and ran to the patio door as a cat just jumped on to the fence but didnt even get time to bring its self fully on to the fence as Jack startled it. We couldnt see Oz in the garden but I thought I would go see where hes at anyway. He was in the garage totally spooked, he obviously knew all about that cat. So I had the job of rounding up my scared rabbit. Hes terrified, he wants to come to my arms but just scared. I eventually get him, bring him inside for cuddles then gave him his morning carrot to eat with us whilst we finished off breakfast. He was a lot happier after that. Havent had a cat attempt the garden for months now. But still scares him, even if they dont get fully on the fence.

This morning I did a good 35min exercise video of weights, my muscles hurt!

then I went to dye my eyebrows and eyelashes

last time I did my eyebrows with the red dye I did it over my natural eyebrows, and it came out a nice colour but it did dye my skin a bit too and took like a full day to come off my skin.

This time, I bleached my eyebrows yesterday so they were quite blondy. 

And now......

I had freakin orange eyebrows!!! Like proper orange! and it has dyed my skin as well. I did my eyelashes which came out ok, a little purplish as they blue-black and I didnt rinse out the previous red in the tub and brush so it made purple. All in all, I look like a freakin clown! I kid you not I do look quite funny right now. I am hoping a day of cleaning my face and shedding skin naturally will calm the dye down off my skin and when my hair is red tomorrow it should blend better. As I have blondy ginger hair right now so they stand out A LOT. Yeah I do stupid things XD

I had a shower and then sat with a cup of tea and biscuit with Jack

I went on my laptop then had lunch, then made biscuits

then I went on a 2 hour straight cleaning patrol

god I was dead. I was cleaning windows and everything

but everywhere looks loads better and is all clean for when I go back to school as I certainly dont have the time and energy to do a big clean during school time.

Mum turned up just as I put the cleaning stuff away

we had a cup of tea and she brought me and jack 2 cakes each.

she was gonna go out for the day today but the weather looked crummy so they didnt go. So I said to mum to not be alone all day and come have a brew with me.

I then cut Jack's hair once she left then waited for him to shower then we had dinner

I fell asleep after dinner for a whole hour, I told Jack to leave me as I will take sleep when I can get it! I was woken by fireworks. Lots of fireworks.  What the hell!? but I guess next weekend is bonfire night so people are gonna be having them for the next few weeks I guess >.> all those poor stressed out pets :( they dont understand

so I went to go see my pet, see how he was and he was fine to be honest

I have brought him and the fireworks have died off anyway in fact its quiet out there now

Oz has been in an hour he looks so happy just laying with his feet kicked out

Tilly is doing well on her medication too, mum says she isnt squealing when going for a wee anymore which is good. Her meds finish over the weekend. We hope she doesnt have this problem again.

I am waiting for Jack to finish his gaming, he should only be another half hour. How the hell he sits for 4 hours straight without even standing up is beyond me. I know I could not sit there for that long. Physically and mentally 0.0

Then we will watch anime with hot chocolate ^^

tomorrow 

got bathroom to clean and Oz's cage, his cage isnt a total tip luckily

then I am gonna go over to mum's as shes dying my hair red for me, so I am having a shower and stuff there. Then I have the whole afternoon FREE!! Yes you heard me correctly, FREE

Jack is going cinema with Theo and I have nothing else to do but art

so I might be able to do some art

only done 30mins art all holiday TT^TT

get tomorrow off from socialising!

 Evening 

I slept bit better last night, didnt have to get up and stay up til midnight drugged up

It took me a while to actually get to sleep then I got up at 1am for a wee but slept from there, didnt have particularly nice dreams tho

This morning, I felt shattered, really did. like this week has caught up with me or something. I have been doing a lot lately and socialising almost everyday. Jack says I have been doing a lot and not allowing myself rest. I find rest so difficult....

I also felt quite low for whatever reason

So I decided to do some exercise in the hopes that it would get those endorphins aflowin'

I did a 47min exercise video that supposedly burns 600 calories but I cant see that myself

Then I had a bath, I was gonna shower but my muscles ached so had a hot bath which wore me out more! Mum turned up wanting her brew X3 so that was nice to see her for an hour

Then we had lunch, I flopped on the bed but didnt sleep. Then I went outside to plant more grass seeds. Then I had a brew and fruit loaf, laid on my bed and we went to Harveys

I took my leftovers and the boys had 5 guys. We ordered dessert and I finally got the ice cream I have been wanting, I really enjoyed it but got a bit of tummy ache from it. Worth it. Was well nice. What with doing the exercise video today I dont feel too guilty and filled with food thoughts ^^

we got back at 9pm and we are just with Ozwald now my sweet chunks. He helps with all the gardening and is loving the garden :)

tomorrow

no plans, not seeing anyone. perfect

Hope I sleep a bit better again~

finally saw Karen!

 Evening

Hey once again I was up til gone midnight and waking up for a wee and woke up at 7am! Yes I hate my life TT^TT I just want sleep

I felt like death when i woke up, I left Jack to sleep til 8am

he helped me get a stew on

I got ready to see Mia

We went for an hours dog walk which is never too strenuous as dogs constantly stop to sniff and pee. But I came in sweating, dripping in sweat. I stripped off at the front door dabbing myself with kitchen towel. I was dripping and felt grim so I did in fact go for a shower. I felt amazing after my shower *0*

Then had a cup of tea with Jack and Oz, went on my laptop to do admin and then had lunch with Jack, had a half hour lay down then mum picked me up so we could go meet Karen

I havent seen karen in a whole year! We met at a garden centre cafe. She looked so well! She is doing so well, I always impressed by her bravery and positivity. How she stays so strong. It was lovely to see her and she treated us to tea and scone. My goodness the scone was amazing the best I have ever eaten. It was huge as well but just so perfect. We were only together for 2 hours but it was enough for me to sit there. I said to her next time we meet up she will have to come over and see my house ^^

We talked about all sorts and she wanted to know how my health was and I told her how difficult this year has been for me but how supportive Jack is and stuff. yeah it was a good catch up~

we left at 4pm and mummy dropped me off. She is popping over tomorrow after she finishes cleaning Maureen's house 7 doors down :)

I came in and had a cup of tea with my boys. Oz hasnt played out much today as its windy and he doesnt like it windy 

then I sat for a bit, did dinner, had a quick phone call with my brother

and now its exactly 7pm and I might, just might, be able to do some art??? can i? is it allowed??

Tomorrow

no plans ^^ thank bloody god

So art maybe, see mummy, got my ADHD form to fill in, yeah just see how the day takes me I guess

here is a photo from yesterday, the side of the old Abbey had been decorated with skeletons I loved it