I am already done

 Evening

I was struggling to sleep last night, my mind was too busy. So we got up til 10:30pm and I took a sleeping tablet I did eventually drop off. At 6am tho I needed more sleep -_______-

we both had stomach issues  this morning would you believe! Jack was dying on the toilet, cus of stress - hes also got ulcers as he gets when hes stressed out. Then after breakfast I had to go die on the toilet. I had to sit with the hot bag during the car journey. We didnt leave til 7:45am tho!!! so we were a bit late this morning but stress and stomachs dont go well!

school

I didnt think my day was gonna be that bad, then a teacher wanted help with her classroom display. God I did not know it was gonna be such a job. I had sweat running down my back, my forehead was soaked, my hair was wet, my pants were wet. Yup I felt really quite grim. I asked mum if she would pop over to my house to pop the hot water on so I could shower when I got in. 

I was exhausted. so spent. Jack said I looked shattered. I was so done

I txted mum to say how things were and she said she would leave coming over today as shes been busy and had got to go fetch her car.

I got home, showered, lunch, bed

woke up almost 2 hours later......did not realise I was quite that tired....

I got up and looked at recipes and wrote out the shopping list for tomorrow, I cut my nails and fussed Oz and basically sat on my ass~

Jack came home and showered, we had dinner and I think hes now getting ready to game. I am by myself tonight. But thats fine. Might actually do some drawing? I may have a design in mind

tomorrow

food shop, clean Oz, and any other chores I gotta do

I got through my first week, well half week. Already this tired. Yup I can tell I am back

only another 37 years then I can retire!

looking forward to wearing my new molcar hair clip tho ^^

witnessed a squirrel death

 Evening

I went to bed with tummy ache. That dull tummy ache I seem to get after my evening meal -____- I didnt have long in the bath as the bath was making my stomach feel worse.

We got up for school, Oz made a break for it so we had to both try and get him from under the bed...I taxed my car before leaving the house. On the way to school we went to a fuel station so the car is all set to go now! and after all that we were only 2 mins late! we did well

school felt slow, I was doing computer work and I found it hard work. Just because I suck massively at excel....I got the rest of my stuff done ok tho. I couldnt wait to leave tho

On my way home, I witnessed death

Yup I watched a squirrel run on the otherside of the road and the on coming car hit it...like 4 metres from me. I watched the whole thing and I can replay it many times over in my head. It is ingrained into my memory, that footage. the squirrel body the landed on my side of the road, luckily there was not another on coming car so I was able to swerve to miss it as no way was I running over an animal,, dead or not. It was horrible. It was quick no suffering happened. But I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I was about 2mins from my house. i got out the car and my stomach felt like i was on a boat.

I got home, dumped my stuff and went straight to Oz to give him a big fussing. Told him - as I do everyday - that hes my life and I love him so much

My mum turned up shortly after and I gave her a cuddle and told her what I had seen. I did manage a bit of lunch 

She left me and in all honesty, I didnt know what to do with my afternoon. I was tired, my head was banging, I had no art work on the go.

So I did a bit of googling for ideas for a halloween picture. I have maybe some idea now?

Then I flopped on my bed and had Hammington time. I made sure NOT to fall asleep as I need to sleep tonight! So I was just there for 45mins

I got up and still didnt do a lot if I am honest

Jack was late home as he wanted to go warhammer shop in the city >.> 

when he came home I had dinner ready. I had only a bit of tummy ache

I somehow managed the strength to go just dance for 25mins. Originally I was just gonna go on it for 2 songs. Just so I felt better about myself instead of feeling like a fat lazy oaf, but I actually got into it and sweated.

I had a shower instead of a bath as it was getting late. Then fussed Oz and took him home, I keep giving him dandelion leaves and other leaves out my garden to go to bed with. Theyre all gone in the morning. Bless him. Good for his teeth and digestion.

Love my loaf

tomorrow

friday, I have 1 practical at school, I have 1 easy chemical to make up for it so yeah I think tomorrow should be ok really. Me and mum said we might go somewhere after school but depends on how I am feeling kinda thing.

first day back T^T

 Evening

I struggling to sleep last night. But I did eventually sleep. It was hard to sleep with tummy ache. 

This morning, yup that anxiety was there and strong. I could not get off the toilet......

School

I felt like spirit had instantly been zapped the moment I passed reception. ugh teachers.....

I got to the prep room and was swarmed with teachers

its kinda like when you bring a bag of bread to a pond and the ducks come over. Its like that. Teachers see a technician and flock.

I felt very overwhelmed 

people

noise

it was too much and I had such a strong need to flee the school

but then 8:30 happened and they all left for the hall including Jack and Julia

I was left alone with my jobsheet and head phones. I calmed down, I caught my breath.

I got my jobs done, in the quiet. It was an alright day to be honest

then I came home and had jobs to do, mum showed up, Oz kept legging it out the room. Hes a bugger. Mum stayed and helped me with car stuff. She was no actual help but nice to have the company whilst doing it.

We just need to get up early to tax the car online.

I did get £17 back on my insurance tho! how does that work? how is my newer car less to insure than that banger!?

She left and then I did 55mins of yoga, I felt much better for it. I think I had been quite tense today to say the least. I made Jack's lunch too as I thought he would struggle for time tonight what with gaming but turns out gaming isnt on. Wish I had known! rushed round for nothing. But I am kinda glad if I am honest. 

I got my clothes ready for tomorrow, watched some youtube videos, added my new art work on instagram and redbubble

https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/QQTwins-by-LunatiqueDesign/122198397.EJUG5

my next art work SHOULD be halloween. However I have zero ideas right now. None. So unlike me. Usually I have a halloween idea and cant wait to bloody do it but I just cant think what to do. I have plenty of other art pieces to get on with but I should halloween first so its done on time.

I got my new boots in the post. Listed as 'new' and 'never been worn' clearly have been worn. They were only £20 but not the point. So I emailed photos over and the person said she was  selling on behalf of her daughter so didnt realise and gave me £10 refund! I was happy with that. I wasnt expecting anything but I wanted to point out she wasnt being fair to people.

We had dinner. dinner = tummy ache

so now I have tummy ache til tomorrow morning. I didnt eat all my dinner just cus I was getting pains whilst eating.

I also have another purple lump 'down there' had one a few weeks back which was like a big ass blood blister. Got another! saw a red lump yesterday and I just thought it was an ingrowing hair, didnt think much of it. But this evening when I got undressed....how have not seen that all of today!! it was dark purple the size of a pea. Freaking huge. it BLED my god did that mother bleed. No puss. Just endless blood like its attached to vein. I felt sick.

so thats sore with a plaster on. I usually dont bother with plasters, ever. However where it is, its trying to heal and there for fuses with my pants....so each time I go toilet I rip the scab off by pulling my pants down. yeah....not nice.

I am gonna have a hot chocolate and watch RWBY we have 2 episodes left!

tomorrow

school

but whats more, is its new car day! he's on the car awaiting me~

we need to get up early to tax it online, and also to get to a fuel station before work. he's on vapours here

That was summer holidays 2022

 Evening

i struggled to sleep last night. No surprise really as I was aching from painting and also had a very busy mind. So we got up and I took yet more pain killers -______- we were only up til 11pm tho :) 

I slept ok from there but woke up at 8am because Jack was chasing Oz out the bedroom XD he had made a break for it XD the git.

This morning I got my stuff ready for school, hoping it would maybe help with some anxiety. It did not. My stomach has been in knots and hurting everytime I eat. So I asked Jack if he would come on a walk with me as it was sunny but not hot it was perfect ^^ I felt better for getting out.

Mum came to join us for lunch then talked to me for a little bit before popping to the shops. She had wrote on her calendar that I was back to school today so she was happy to find out that I was still home today XD 

she left, and despite Jack telling me to have an easier day today,  I couldnt. Massively restless.

So I painted the handle on the garage as mum gave me back my paint and now the door is done and looks so much better~ 

I then washed my wheelie bin, it was suppose to be black but was no longer black as it got covered it crap when we had the pavement done. As the guys came  on bin day and my bin happened to be too close to where they were working. So I cleaned my bins. I used detol. I completely forgot that you need to wear gloves with detol otherwise you get chemical burns...I thought the stinging was from the hot water. But long after I had finished the job, my hands stung! they still sting now to be honest. My own stupid fault. I then planted grass seed in the dirt Jack had levelled as we need grass to grow before the weeds take hold.

at this point, even tho Jack had chosen to come out and do jobs besides me

he told me to STOP

he was right. He worries. I do too much. I know I do.

He could see I was struggling to sit still so he suggested I have Hammington time whilst he lay next to me on his switch. I did that for 90mins and drifted in and out of sleep. It was good to be honest. I needed that and didnt realise how tired my body was. I bleed that adrenal gland dry, I live off my adrenaline.

I then got up to make a cake so I would have something to snack on at school. I didnt rise that well but I think its cus I used coconut flour instead of self raising. I did try to make it 'healthier' and used wheat cereal and oats as the bulk of it. Does resemble a heavy brick XD I like making cakes without weighing anything

I made dinner which was alright

then I had a quick pamper and had a bath, when I got out I pampered Jack XD he let me ^^ he didnt protest. He laid his head on a pillow on my crossed legs on the lounge floor and I used acids and scrubs on his face. Hes in the bath now washing it off. I hope he feels smooth after it. I have sorted him out a face sheet to do afterwards~

trying to make us feel fresh for the new school year. I like how he joins in with me.

Oz used the opportunity to leg it out the room. I swear I leave the door open 10 seconds and hes gone. Hes going to miss us tomorrow. He has literally had us to himself for almost 5 weeks. Hes been ether in the garden or lounge. Which ever he chose. He has been a house bun really. So to be locked up for almost 5 hours probably wont sit well with him tomorrow bless him. I know I will come home to find a savaged hutch -_____- he does have paddies.....spoilt loaf 

so yeah that was my last day off work. Last day of the summer holidays 2022

I got a lot done. I mean so did Jack but some of my highlights were;

painted garage door (after waiting a year), painted the porch door, 2 massages, cleaned the house, had friends over, smear test done for 3 years, hair cut, made mia's wedding card and birthday card, completed my christmas and birthday presents for this year, cleaned the garage out, tried new recipes, went out for jack's birthday, brought a new chair, BBQ with jack's family, sorted cars out, had the pigs, sent Miho a baby shower box. God yeah I got A LOT done in those weeks! I am glad as I sure as hell did not wanna waste this time off!!

Tomorrow

stew morning so up at 6am to put stew on and then go school. School SHOULDNT be too bad as its insec day and I always skip all the whole staff meetings! and therefor I am totally alone in the school! so its shouldnt be too bad. I can not be arsed to talk to people.

How was your holiday?

yeah good. yours?

good thank you.

no one actually cares about each others holidays. It is a pointless exchange I have zero energy for. So I am gonna try and avoid people. Thats my mission tomorrow!

then mummy is coming over for lunch, then shes helping me with my car stuff. As I need to get rid of the corsa and start up with my ford fusion. I had a meltdown about it the other day but I feel better about it now and knowing that she will be with me helps even more! Then we can finally use our new car! Jack is going halves on the car with me so this will be his first car! up to now hes been using MY car, which is fine and I offered to buy the car this time but thought id offer if he wanted to have ownership this time round and he does ^^

so hopefully tomorrow wont be too bad??? Just gotta get the day done

next holidays is half way through october. september will be stressful and busy.

been busy painting doors

 Evening

I just kept running out of time to do this -____- but on the plus side I have transferred like 20+ photos on to my laptop to share on here ^^

So lately I have just been stressed out with car stuff - now have 2 cars on my drive

I have had my pavement lowered so I can get two cars on my driveway - currently waiting on a date to get some of my driveway tarmaced. 

I had been painting the garage door frame purple - next is painting the actual door

been helping Jack with the garden - mammoth job its been hes literally landscaped the garden

and yeah just busy -_____- I was so exhausted

I keep having apocalyptic dreams, I can only assume this is because school is starting soon.

I have felt dead after my massage, as I usually do, however I have not been able to rest like I usually do. I also have clean my house top to bottom

Tomorrow I am gonna paint the garage door, finally. Been wanting to do it for literally 1 whole year! I can not wait to see it not white and chipped. The door isnt great but we discovered today the frame is quite knackered as its rotten! 

Jack said his friends have asked if we want to meet them at pudding pantry tomorrow at 1pm. I am literally gonna see how I feel and how far I am with the garage door as that is more important to me than some ice cream. I have said I will go but yeah I am gonna see how I feel tomorrow.

only 2 days left of my holidays T^T

I gave myself a real good pamper tonight, I have made ice cream and thats in the freezer, I hope to do some digital art as I havent had chance last 2 nights

oh here is the side I did recently of my porch door, it was hard to get far enough back but you get the idea. Its no longer white and old- peopley

had 3 hours of mummy time

 Evening

I couldn sleep well last night I was up til gone midnight but it was ok. I was just achy really. Then the alarm went off at 7:30am as Jack insisted on having an alarm for him choosing to go into work ugh

We put the stew on anyway and Jack got ready to go to work. He made me promise not to over do stuff, not to paint doors, not to garden, to wash up, if I saw mum - not to go out for long. He needed me to rest ><

I was left to it 

so I did a good 30min work out, I was dripping wet! I then enjoyed a nice hot soak in the bath~

Once I recovered I sat making Mia a birthday card. I enjoy making cards i find it very relaxing. I did a good job too, took me a while but I didnt care I just enjoyed myself

Mum came over for lunch and she stayed for 3 hours!! we just chatted, nether of us could be bothered to go out and we are going TK MAXX on friday. 

Jack came home whilst mum was still, she was leaving soon but we took her outside to inspect our garden work she was very pleased with it all ^^

it was good to catch up with her after 4 days of not seeing her. Also it made me SIT and take it easy. She said it also made her sit XD

Then Miho text me to say they found out they are having a baby girl! I am so thrilled for them. Its always the best if you can have a boy and a girl, also shes really girly so I didnt want her to miss out on doing girly things with a daughter

I sat with Jack and then we did dinner which was thai curry we put on in the slow cooker this morning, it was really good

Jack asked if he could game with Theo tonight as some war hammer game has had an update. I said it was fine as hes been working hard and its the holidays! He usually games with his brother on a weds but they cant make it tonight.

It has just been raining, Oz has decided he wants to play out now its stopped raining. Wet mud yay -____-

so I am by myself tonight which is fine

tomorrow

Jack said we can maybe paint the garage door but we shall just see how we are both feeling. I am excited tho to get rid of that horrible pealing white paint door that came with the house.

Right I shall do some digital drawing~ its coming along well.

like actual landscaping here

 Evening

I slept ok, I just woke up in the night needing a wee but refused to get up for one, then woke up at at 7am massively needing a wee so I was forced to get up >.> Jack had just got up to let Oz out

I hurt today and feel a bit unwell, all because I done too much ^^;

what a morning tho...

we decided to get on with out day

Jack helped me masking tape the porch door, then we went outside and talked garden landscaping ,I helped him get set up as he helped me get set up.

I sanded down the porch door, get it a wipe down, then began to paint the door

Then I called Jack in for a short tea break. I then went outside with him and supporting him with the garden, it looked such hard work...I held the umbrella over him to protect him from the sun, I on the other hand am quite tanned. Jo tans not burns. He was sweating, panting, red faced. Yeah....it looked hard work digging up grass, rockery, throwing huge rockery stones around and digging so much clay earth. We live in a ex-mining village our soil is 100% dark orange coloured clay. So its very heavy and hard to dig through.

When we was putting some of the earth back I went inside for a bath. I was sweating, gotta love that humidity. Then I let Jack have the bath. I then made him lunch. But my body was screaming at me and shaking. I was starving too. Like 1:30pm and I hadnt eaten!!

we ate lunch then I passed out on the bed for 90mins I needed to not feel my body for a while

then I had a brew with my tired Jack

I then finished Mia's wedding card, its finally done and I am happy with it.

I sat and then did the dinner somehow cus honestly I felt so dead and could have easily just ate toast for dinner. Jack helped but yeah I was just too tired. I havent exercised today as my body has had enough. I am just gonna sit and be quiet and do some drawing. Oz is outside investigating our work

tomorrow

Jack is gonna help me put the stew on then go into work T^T I will miss him. Mum says she will see me at some point as I havent seen her since friday! I am not sure what we will do yet. I know she is busy in the morning so in the morning I might exercise or paint some of the door or I might paint some stuff outside - a tree stump and some water pipes. I will miss my Jack tho.

I just hope we both sleep, were both tired and achy! 

the depressing thing is,the difficult garden section we are on we have only done a quarter of it...