Poorly tummy and new Pokemon Scarlet!

 Evening

I didn't sleep well last due to bad stomach like real bad stomach. I was up til 1am just dying on the toilet. I felt drained of life.

I got up at 6:30am and felt poorly, like death, I staggered to the toilet, did my teeth and went back to bed. Told Jack id work from home and do it later. I wanted nothing more than to be in a coma for a week. id had enough.

I thought id wake up around 8am. no. I could feel myself trying to wake up and seeing glimmers of the clock on the wall but it was like I had been drugged, I couldnt wake up. I was trying and trying. when I was finally allowed out the dream i was having it was 10:30am

10:30am!!! I felt sooo rough. But thats probably due to me not digesting anything including my meds last, and taking todays medication 4 hours late. I was starting to feel panicked because I felt unwell, and it was already 10:30am and I hadnt actually done any work yet!!! I tried to calm myself down but I could my heart hammering and my I was panting. At this point I rang jack. If anything else I wanted to be well for him so we could play new pokemon together

he calmed me down as I think I was on the verge of a panic attack. He said I could work at any point today it was fine. To eat, take my meds, fuss Oz. Yeah he made me feel better

I ate a bit with my meds and had lunch at midday then I worked til 2pm without a break, yeah I was determined to get stuff done! My mum turned up at this point. So I might do some more work over the weekend. Mum came with new pokemon which arrived at 1:50pm. so I texted Jack to say it was here.

Mum stayed for an hour, I ran a bath and did a 15mins work out video and felt better for moving my body, I think after that I wanna get into work out videos again. They had fallen off the page a bit due to poor health but I wanna try again with them even if I dont complete the whole video.

I had a bath, Jack came in and had a bath. We opened Pokemon together. Did dinner, then Jack washed up. We're gonna take Oz home 40mins early to bed then go food shopping

we'll come home, unpack, get into pyjamas and binge pokemon til midnight. My plan! Jack was up for it. Means we can without interruptions

I will still do stuff tomorrow but Jack has said he is having a pyjama day and playing pokemon which is fair enough. 

Oz has been good boy bless him. Being left alone in the living room for 3+ hours this morning! such a good bun.

we finished the second season of science fell in love last night which was good

we're gonna watch second season of cells at work next~

so tomorrow will be pokemon and chores for me 

I really hope pokemon scarlet has been worth the wait! 

flowers mum got us when we got engaged

dont wanna talk

 Evening

I slept a bit better but had a pain in my side that kept waking me up

I found it hard to get up this morning. Like a real effort to even open my eyes

I got ready for school then just before leaving the house I got bad stomach pains. We went to go drop Jack's switch off at my parents house as my brother was off work today and said he would change the joycons on Jack's switch.

we got work and god my stomach. stomach pains. But had to get on with it as I had so many practicals to do ><

I worked hard. I did get a lot done. However, I had a banging headache, couldnt think straight, couldnt get my words out. I was getting frustrated. I told mum to not see me, Id had enough. Couldnt even be bothered to talk to people including Jack. Just the way I felt today

I went home, at lunch with Oz and then went to bed for 2 hours I couldnt be bothered to get up. I wanted to be safe and numb under my covers

I got up, watched anime. Just monged out in front of anime. Had hot chocolate. yeah didnt do much. Just wasnt in the mood. I have no energy.

Jack came home, I did him pizza and made him lunch for tomorrow as well.

we had early baths as my brother was coming over to bring over Jack's switch and he stayed 90mins just catching up. 

going to watch anime and play switchs in bed

tomorrow is pokemon!!! new pokemon!!!!! Im getting scarlet and Jack is getting violet.

New green curtains

 Evening

so yesterday I had a mini heart attack as I started prepping the stew with jack after dinner, he had just been sharpening a knife then went to clean the blade. The next thing I knew, he was jumping up and down holding his finger! I shouted "NO!! you havent have you!?" I was in shock. He turned round so not to face me an examined the 'damage'. by which point, I had already burst into tears. yup. I was just that stable yesterday. Think it was the shock and panic. Turns out it was just like a papercut. Thank god. He had been lucky.

After we had dinner, we had a long talk about stuff to change in the house. Nothing expensive, just getting rid of some furniture and moving other furniture. We are changing the spaces, now we've been in the house 2 years we know what works, how stuff needs to function, what stuff we are needlessly holding on to. So its gonna be a bit of work but we wont do it all at once, just over a few weekends probably. we plan on moving bookcases, upgrading Oz's toilet, getting rid of a wardrobe (clearing out stuff in it we are hording) and getting rid of Jack's alcohol cabinet (he will use another cabinet for his alcohol) 

I had a bad night last night

everything aches, because it was day 2 of not moving my body

my stomach felt awful

I couldnt sleep cus I couldnt get comfy

I was up til 1am and felt utterly wiped out

Jack noticed I came back to bed at 1am and said to me "think you need to work from home tomorrow"

he said this evening that at 1am, I looked ghoulish and then this morning I looked like 'shit' XD yeah....I could tell stuff wasnt good.

If I had gone to school today I would have been pushing  myself and it wouldnt have been kind to myself at all. So I got up with Jack, did the stew, died on the toilet and then went back to bed. 

I had worked throughout the day simply cus it has been physically hard for me to sit at my laptop today so I kept having to break off. Its very annoying as I kinda want to just get my work done you  know

Mum came for lunch still

my curtains arrived this afternoon and after dinner my Jack put them up. I am in love! I am utterly amazed and impressed by them. I am very happy with them and looking forward to putting the other pair up eventually - when they arrive. But we are not putting them up until we have moved the bookcases. I do not want mould growing on my £100 curtains! I was grateful to Jack for putting up the new curtains this evening. Only a 15min job but he chose to do it instead of saying he was tired and do it at the weekend. He is also pleased with them

Oz has been in such an affectionate mood all day today. Both of us have had so much love from him. We love that bunny to pieces. I was watching Oz lick Jack's arm whilst Jack brushed him, whilst I was doing yoga. They love doing mutual grooming and i love watching it! my 2 boys ^^

So yes I did manage 45mins of yoga, well done me, feel a bit better for it

2 more sleeps til pokemon~

tomorrow

its school and I hoping I can go. I have sugar solutions to make up and i wanna do it. So I best have a better night tonight

Anxiety attack first thing in the morning, ordered new curtains!

 Evening

I did sleep better last night

but I was a mess this morning, I was anxious AF. struggled to get off the toilet, stomach felt knotted so sat with hot bag travelling to school, shed a few tears on the way to school. Walking into school I had an anxiety attack. My breathing was awful. Youd put me down if I was dog. So I was on the floor recovering. It did a real number on me. i dont feel I even got my lungs back to normal for the remainder of my shift, despite using my inhaler 5 times ><

Jack almost bought me home and was gonna work from home but I insisted I would be fine driving. And I was. I had got my shift done and got home. I need to give myself credit sometimes. My body is going through a lot and not absorbing my meds, I dont think I got much out my antidepressant as it felt like I very much couldnt cope with the day but I did it!

I had lunch with mum then slept for 2 hours

once up I ordered the curtains I was looking at yesterday and some much better quality ones for the living room window. Spent £145 on curtains T^T money we didnt have when we first moved in and bought cheap curtains. So I have thermal, black out ones on the way!

I then had a brew with Oz, prepared dinner for when Jack comes in I can just put it on.

got stew to prep and not sure what else as I am pretty dead

tomorrow is school, I hope to have a better day at school tomorrow and not an anxiety attack

Up til 3am looking at curtains

 Evening

ughhhh I was up til 3am T^T couldnt sleep, had stomach ache and Jack was breathing. I was up looking at curtains as Jack still wants me to magic up curtains for the living room. Yes we could get some made to measure for our patio door but its like £200+ and I dont honestly wanna spend that on some curtains

this morning I didnt feel too rough. But then once my meds kicked in I felt very tired. On the plus side I got to wear what I wanted for school so that was nice

I was mainly by myself at school but I got a fair amount of stuff done. I did notice towards the end of my shift that my legs were hurting tho >< I was disappointed as we went to the shop before school for some plant babies but sadly they didnt have any so we didnt even bother going round the shop. That was the highlight of my bloody day so I was disappointed

I got home and had lunch with mum and loaf. Oz frisked for everything he could get >.> such a pest that bun. I went to bed for 2 hours. I felt no better for that sleep tho I gotta say :/ 

once I was up I made some biscuits and started on dinner really. 

I had another look for curtains but still nothing really. It is hard

I havent done any exercise today but I have zero zero energy. Jack told me to just have a rest day. I just feel SO guilty doing that tho. But I guess no use pushing myself?

tomorrow is school >< and  my nails

Not absorbing my meds

 It's monday tomorrow T^T 

the weekend is always too short

I couldnt sleep last night, I had tummy ache and just couldnt get comfortable

So i got up for a bit and stuff, but only til like 11:30pm

I woke up at 9am and found both my boys in the lounge

I felt awful. Honestly really bad. Like I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. My head felt a real mess. I ached too. I warned Jack that my head was a mess and to excuse any bad behaviour. I hated the way I felt. As soon as I woke up, I was in the bathroom, I ate breakfast and ran to the toilet again. 

So I worked out, the reason I felt the way I did - was because I had literally not absorbed my medication. I decided to take extra pain killers and extra anti depressant. And oh my god. The difference. I felt so much more myself. Such a relief. Think I would have had a very different day if I hadnt have taken that antidepressant.

I spent a good 30mins in the ball position on my bed. Getting rid of my tummy ache

so Jack helped me make my soup this morning and we had lunch

then after lunch jack was going round the house killing mould on the ceilings. We suffer from mould in this house. But the mould spray STINKS it smells like strong ass bleach and I personally cant stand the smell of bleach. So that spray is literal Jo-repellent. I went outside. It was too much. Even now at 8:30pm my house stinks still. Its slowly going, we had windows and doors open even in this cold weather.

I went outside and did some gardening with Oz, there was some big weeds that has been annoying me for like 3 weeks now. I found this therapeutic, I kept Oz outside cus the smell would burn his whiskers off.

we then went for a walk.

we came in and had a brew

then Jack measured up for curtains in the living room, mould has savaged the curtains and we need new ones but we had a very odd size. so I looked and looked online but no luck. I will keep looking

I made dinner  which was pancakes, two types as I have special pancakes. We were both so full

today, oz did something I kept saying to Jack will happen....he humped Jack! Yes!  I knew he would! he does it out of love not dominance but it was still so funny. Jack walked away from him, Oz got rejected bless him.

tomorrow is school. Ugh. soon comes round.

But its insec day so no kids and get to wear what I want. I have a cute outfit lined up~  

just hope I dont have another bad stomach morning

A day to myself

 Evening

I didn't sleep great, Jack says I keep falling out with my weighted blanket in my sleep. So I think I will have a break from it for a few days. I woke up at 6:30am when the alarm went off and got up with Jack. 

I had a normal morning with him until Chris came at 7:45am to collect Jack to take him comic con

I cooked my breakfast meat, put Jack's gammon on, cleaned Oz out, then was at TK MAXX at 9am. I did so well! I decided to go out by myself because it does me good to go out BY MYSELF. I am usually with someone and I dont wanna lose confidence in going out alone. I couldnt really be bothered but mum told me they had stocked up their skin care section. All I got from there was literally skin care! I did look at clothes but I didnt need anything and the stuff I did like i didnt wanna pay out for. 

I then arrived at mum's, I sat with her and my brother for a while and then I trimmed a very abusive truffle. She was not having it today. But I got it done....ungrateful sow

I then came home and bought Oz in from the garage, had lunch and decided to rest up in my bed for an hour. Once I was up I sat outside with my loaf. Got a bit of sun. cus it was 17c today!

Then I came in and started making a banana cake which turned out alright actually, did the washing up cus I didnt want Jack to come in to mess >< Then Jack came home! he was home for 3pm which surprised me actually

he'd had a nice time, hadnt eaten anything since breakfast bless him so he had some instant noodles and then told me about his day. All he bought was a new switch joycon cover thing as his joystick is drifting so he needs to take it apart and sort it. He bought 3 cute digimon keychains. That was it. He said there was still a lot to look round but was not the same as going with me. He didnt enjoy it as much and said he would want to go with me next time. He couldnt believe the price of some stuff tho

I then cleaned the bathroom,  made the dinner, did 30mins of yoga, then had a good soak in the bath. 

its been a chore heavy day but felt like getting them done out the way then hopefully have some time for myself or some time with my jack

I cant believe how much i miss him tho when hes not around, at the convention or at work. I think about him and miss him. He says the same thing about me XD think he said 4 times how he wants to go convention with me. that its better with me.

gonna do my nails tonight. Thinking of doing leopard print.

so yeah not sure yet what I am gonna do tomorrow yet. I have my soup to make but thats the only chore really.

here is a card I drew I think it was last weekend. its for Lizi for her birthday next month. she will be 32 and shes doing her teacher training