Natsume came~

Good Afternoon~

I slept pretty bad again last night thanks to my hurty neck

I woke up and felt pretty rough and my neck needed support 

just to get it off the damn pillow -___-

so I went through and told mum she told me

"your not going school then" DX no fair!

At the time I wanted to protest but thought better on it

i just hate letting people down and i stress about doing the hours at school

My parents told me to get to the doctors

since ringing up on a monday morning is a nightmare

so I got there when they opened up and got an appt for 10:10

which turned out to be more like 10:30am theyre always so late

I saw the doctor told him whats what

he quickly checked me over and said i have a inflamed all the muscles in the left of my neck

i looked at him confused thinking 'when the hell did i do that!? 

and wouldnt i have felt it happen?'

I wasnt convinced to be honest as why did i have a bad headache

 and aches and tiredness?

so he gave me some tablets and i was on my way

should clear  up in 2 weeks he said

i hope bloody not, 2 weeks like this sounds like fun

but im not convinced ive inflamed my neck muscles i think he just couldnt be arsed with me

Ether way its not gonna kill me so im gonna go college tomorrow

its only a few hours so im sure i can drag my butt there

I painted my nails last night and im well impressed with them ^^

I havent done a great deal today, just felt off really.

I did go to bed to catch up on sleep

i did feel relieved i hadnt pushed myself through a school day

Natsume stuff came in the post today!!

my 2 manga books - i have already read the first 1 this afternoon X3

and nyanko-sensei keychain

basically there was about 9 keychains for sale all in different positions

all of em had bids on and this one did i felt sorry for the little fella some how

so i put a bid on it and won it for £2 brand new and everything

i love how small his little ears are, so ive put him next to another nyanko-sensei keychain i have

Tomorrow i am going college if it kills me

i didnt do all that coursework to not hand it in on time!!!

Cleaned and sorted out

Evening~

Last night lynn sent me a txt to say she wasnt feeling to good and had been sick

so i wasnt to come over as she didnt want to pass it on to me

in a way i was relieved i didnt have to go over

since thursday ive had a bad headache or head pain

and i thought yesterday it was on the way out

but during the night my neck hurt loads like my pillow was a concrete block or something

When I woke up my head hurt more than yesterday and my neck hurt

like the actual spine bit and the muscle round it is super sensitive to touch

it hurts when i eat and move it around

just what the hell is all this about!?

my parents seem to think my glands have swelled up in my neck

i ache all over too

Im praying im fine tomorrow and not worse cus i wanna school and i have college too

I decided my room needed cleaning

i had meant to do it last weekend but ran outta time ><

So I got to it but took my time. I wanted to rearrange things too

so on the whole it took me a lot longer than usual to clean my room

I swapped figures over in my little box shelves

here we have natsume figure with my 2 nyanko senseis

Then misaka with little chibi characters in the other box shelf

my top shelf has been dominated by mikus XD

next shelf down is all my girl figures apart from misaka but shes a bit smaller

im seeing how these work up here i can always move them

this left my bottom shelf empty D: so I put some plushies on there

if i see anything good in the future i can use this shelf

im thinking of asking my dad to make me a book shelf for my wall

as i took a load of stuff down off my wall today as well

but good to have a shelf for my manga altho i know it wouldnt contain them all

i just like seeing them on display how they should be

I fell asleep as i was exhausted from this illness and lack of sleep last night

i didnt want to get up i hurt too much ><

i sat with tiffin today as my dad was hammering in the garden and tiffin wasnt happy

so he came in my room with me for a bit ^^

apart from that not done a lot else really

Im gonna paint my nails tonight and i got all my stuff ready for school tomorrow

im gonna treat it as a normal day but if i wake up worse my parents

tell me i have to stay off school and go doctors >.>

I got it damn finished!!!!

Otsukaresama deshita~

I got my work all god damn done!!!!!!! YEAH!!!
A good feeling right now~
Taken me hours, just pain staking hours
But my homework is done. All 8 pages
just gotta print it which I shall do later tonight :)
I know 8 pages doesnt sound a lot but believe me it is -__-

Today my headache was with me in the morning but not as bad
its stayed with me all day just not as bad as yesterday luckily
so hopefully it shall be gone tomorrow
I still have bad aches and complaints from yoga tho >.>

Today I mostly did my work at my laptop
went online a bit
Tonight I went on ebay on the hunt for clothes for work
i found a lot and other bits and pieces and i thought "sod it"
so i just put random bids on a lot of stuff and thought
"lets just see what i win" i saw things i liked but didnt NEED thats a hard temptation ><
I hope I win something XD 1 item would be good enough haha

I had my hair cut today
feel much better for it
i can see now!!

Tomorrow i am going to lynns to do some sewing
i havent yet sorted out what sewing i am gonna do yet ^^"
then shes giving me sunday dinner
i shall starve myself til then! she always gives me wayyyy to much!

My brother left me my memory stick on my laptop as i went to bed last night
with a note saying he had developed the old film on the photo he took on my birthday
and scanned it in for me. He says he will give the original print out next week
but it was sweet for him to do for me
its vintagey!

 

Natsume Yuujinchou Happiness~

Evening~

I went to bed with aches from yoga and a killer headache
I woke up in the night i couldnt lift my head off the pillow my head hurt so much
i tried to not panic tho and fall back to sleep
I had a few psychotic dreams but very interesting, 

 basically i used to have someone in my head when my depression started at
age 17/18. causing torment in my dreams and thoughts
it was amazing the powers this person had they could paralyze me in my sleep
make me dream of killing my best friend mia
it was pretty horrific but i kept the details to my self as i didnt wanna look like a nut job.
I dont hear from this person so much anymore, a bit like when a child moves on from
having an invisible friend.
But last night he was there. And wasnt impressed i hadnt 'visited' in a while
he is a guy but can manifest as just about anything and take control of anything
including me. all in my head of course!
he was there and chased me though my strange dream world
he was angry big style. there was no way i could escape. he pinned me down and licked
up the side of my neck - i can feel it - then he said one of my worst nightmares
"maybe i should bring to life one of your nightmares for ignoring me" he was gonna rape me.
I begged him to stop. i said id spend time with him which seemed to placate him 
we went back to i guess its where he lives but i own the place cus its my head after all
jesus what a dump!!! the place which was usually just a very dark black place
was not only dark but eerie too. I searched the place out and he had collected a lot of 
junk - really bizarre junk, so i decided to have a clear out. he wasnt bothered as i was spending time with him. i found some disturbing items tho. i also found 2 dead people. he had literally killed them and left them -they had came back as zombies so i picked up a gun and shot them dead (as you do), and yeah just sorted through weird stuff
then he took me for a walk along the side of dark buildings - which is normal
then we saw something crash land like a huge metal plate thing - it was smoking hot - he wanted to collect it. at the point i decided to leave whilst he was distracted i tried my best to wake up and surprisingly i did. but a part of me didnt want to leave. i have had that disturbing part of me for some years, its not something i think about really but it has been there. 
i hope in a sick way to visit again. but usually he isnt nice to me. this time was the 'nicest' he'd ever been to me. maybe he can sense i am stronger that what i was 6/7 years ago.
My head is random and no one will understand this but me


When I finally got up at 9:10am i was super sensitive with my head
and ended up just curled up on mum's bed with millie and alice X3
I just lazed round as i couldnt do much, i hurt everywhere and my head was gonna explode 

After lunch mum dragged me out the house
we went charity shops, i still need t-shirts for school
but i had no luck and the sounds of life were too loud
we went into one charity shop and i noticed when i went in that they
had manga! I have never known them to have manga before
they were selling for £1 a book!!!! Usually manga is at least £7 per book
So I had a look of course
and what did i find!! Natsume's book of friends!! (natsume yuujin chou)
I could not believe what i was seeing and they were in great condition too
I turned to mum and said "ive been wanting to collect this series but it hasnt 
been a priority what with not having an income and that, i know im gonna regret it
big style if i dont pick these up, theyre a true bargin" so i did

i have volumes 3-14 so 12 volumes for £12!!!!!!! 2 books alone would cost £14
I was super happy. God knows where i'll store em XD
Im gonna look out for volume 1&2 and get reading, theres 19 volumes in total
so i only need 7 more and i have the series!
The strange thing is i only searched for these last week on ebay to see if anyone
was selling their collection off, but had no luck.
it was meant to be, maybe this is the good luck my budda snapping gave me 0.0

We went to a cafe for a tea and cookie well mum had a scone
that was nice, then home and i fell asleep i was mentally and physically exhausted 

I had dinner then i went for a walk with mia and helina
i could have quite easily not have gone but it was my last chance to see helina
before she whisks off to japan on monday for 10 days i hope she has a nice time :)
i hope shes safe more than anything tho.

Now im home and tired
gonna sit with pets and die
i havent been able to record a dance yet T^T

Another fun day with the little'ns

Konbanwa~

We actually had nice weather today massive shock
Last night Karen at yoga literally killed us off
i really enjoyed the session, well at first all i wanted to do was go home
but i stuck it out and i really enjoyed it and the whole class said that too
it was really strange we were all so focused
but today my god do i hurt!!!! It feels like a combination of stabbing pains and growing pains
I could go for a long soak in a hot bath but we dont have one no mores T^T

At school I was in the youngest class again
the teacher gave me a lot of paper work to do but i didnt mind in the least
as i had never seen this kinda paper work before so it was all experience for me
it took me til almost lunchtime. the teacher showed me the display i helped do the other day
its pretty and i felt appreciated ^^
Lunch time came and i sat and ate my dinner outside with another teacher which was alright
i can talk to anyone XD
I went inside afterwards to do another bit of my coursework
but the staff room was so damn noisy so i went in a classroom and sat a teachers desk

The afternoon i was asked to help out with another display which was nice
and just did a few bits with the children. We went outside to read. The year 6 were outside
and called me over they were drawing so i did 10mins of drawing with them X3

Towards the end of the day i got my hours signed by the dept head and i spoke to her
saying id like to try year 5 next. She said it was fine :D but wont happen for a few weeks
but im in no rush, im in year 6 next week
im very lucky to be at this school where im allowed to swap my classes as most schools
keep you to just 1 classroom.
I went to see the head teacher to ask if any summer camps happen during the 6 week summer holidays, and she told me there is and to ask the after school club staff. And she would be happy to give me a reference. I feel during the 6 weeks that i need to keep my body going
ive gotten it used to doing 2 days a week at school i dont want to lose that
so i went to talk to the after school club staff - i usually talk to them anyway actually XD
and i passed on my details and they would let me know
fingers crossed! I told them I didnt want to do for money or anything (in thinking i would have a better chance of being accepted) the head teacher called from the corrider 
"yes you do!!! you want paying!!" -_____- man 

Got home and died
i was done and shattered
and since then i havent done much really~

I was having a think about what karen talked to me about on tuesday
at the weekend her daughter lost a friend who wasnt far off my age just a bit younger
he committed suicide, jumper infront of a train. he couldnt handle his OCD and depression
any longer. it saddened me that he felt it had to come to that. He felt alone.
And it made me think that id like to help those who are my age who suffer mentally.
i told mum this but i said "id probably just end up becoming their friends so theyre not alone"
i know i probably cant do anything to help. But i would love to help just 1 person at least not be alone and to give them friendship and hope. So I had a look online at young peoples mental health community sites but i was coming up short. i couldnt find much. i did find online dating for those with mental health issues and disabilities. that made me think. could i give someone my love who is suffering? I would like to. but what if im not good enough to help? what if i drive them away?
I wasnt sure what to do. I didnt join up to anything especially the dating ones. to sign up to dating websites makes me feel like im actually looking for love XD which im not. 
I guess i just want to help ><

tomorrow might be going clothes shopping with mum
as i havent really got any good t-shirts for school ><

My Buda Snapped!!!!

Good Evening~

Today the Buda round my ankle snapped!
I've had it on for 15 straight months!
When it snaps ist suppose to give you good luck or grant your wish
cant remember which >< I couldnt believe it actually snapped!

This morning I got up and cleaned the pets out in the rain ><
Yep raining again
my brother showed me some posts on facebook that people had put up
it was memorials saying 'in memory of british summer 2016 6th-9th May'
I burst out laughing cus its so true that is probably the only hot weather we will see.

I met Lynn and Den in a town this morning, we had a brew
walked round some shops the had lunch i had beans on toast
it was good to see them and they invited me over for sunday dinner ^^
I came home and went out with mum
just went to a few shops, i didnt get anything but we got new hay houses for the pets
and tiffin some treats

Came home and fell asleep as i do on a wednesday
when I woke up i  wasnt in the mood to do coursework so i finished
off ed's present and its done!!

my depression has been gripping me pretty hard
last few days but im trying to get out of it

im at school tomorrow with the little'ns again
i hope the weather picks up!

i havent got a photo today :/

A dull day of coursework

Good Evening~

Today has been such a miserable day!

It's rained from 8am til 6pm none stop rain

everywhere is soaked. So glad I wasnt caught up in it.

Thats what happens in the UK we have nice weather then pay for it

I sat this morning doing my homework and watching the odd bit of anime

I got really far and Im on my 2nd to last paragraph

I went to Karen's for treatment, i took her birthday present as its her birthday on Thursday~

I hope she likes her present

I got home slept

then got up and did some more work

and thats been my day really

Tomorrow I am seeing Lynn just in a town for a drink and maybe lunch

im gonna give her the wall scroll ive secretly made for her ^^

here are my nails for this week which quite a few people  have commented on :D