Otsukaresama Desuuuuu
I did not sleep
well I went to sleep at 11pm
woke up at midnight -_____-
I was aching so I couldnt sleep
it took me ages
I got bored and looked at my phone
both adam and ed had txted me
I knew they'd be awake so I txted them for 10 or so mins
I got up for school
I didnt want to go!
My morning was a lil dull
my brother came to pick me up at lunch time which was a surprise
luckily he didnt blast me out with his bass music
and he took me back to school as well :)
The afternoon I was in year 4 as per usual on a friday afternoon
makes a nice change even tho they werent doing much
they were however towards the end of the day having a rounders match
against year 6...i couldnt resist
"can I play too?"
teacher "yeah sure, Im not sure what you're doing in the afternoon"
"ah year 2 dont need me they just play in the afternoon i wont be missed"
So I went outside and played rounders
I say play it was more like me bowling for 40mins only getting 2 'no ball's
the p.e. teacher wanted me to stay on bowling as i was good at it and it kept the game flowing
there was a time were the ball was near 2nd post and a year 4 was running towards it
I grabbed the ball and dobbed her out
the teacher shouted "Jo that was brutal!"
the p.e. teacher said "it's the only way they're gonna learn"
me "i couldnt help myself"
so by the end it was 3:15pm only 15mins til home time
I wizzed back to year 2
the TA was there but no teacher she said to me
"thought you were in here friday afternoons?"
I gave my usual cheeky mischievous smile when Ive been up to no good, its a smile a cant help and have done since i was a child i am told
"yeah i am but i wanted to play rounders"
"ah right ive just been by myself this afternoon"
"wheres the teacher?"
"gone home"
"im sorry no one told me she was going home"
"it's fine i coped, as long as you had a fun afternoon"
"that sounds a bit bitchy" XD
then hometime to which my brother met me on his bike like he did wednesday :)
I got home and showered as I was sweating from rounders and cycling
i then sat and did my homework of sitting for 30mins reading my manga book
i managed it
then I went on my laptop to sort many things out.
gonna do some drawing next.
Tomorrow I have a hair cut at 9:30am thank god
cus my fringe is just starting to annoy me its just lank all the time cus its too long and heavy to do anything else.
then straight after I am going over to adam's house
his parents are away so it will be weird going over on a saturday and the house being quiet
but it will make a change i guess but i like talking to his parents and painting his mum's nails.
gotten into a bit of a routine with it all.
then Im coming home to do creative stuff ;)
speaking of creative stuff
I uploaded photos of my fairy kei/decor goth hoodie I made from scratch~
I am impressed
and it will serve me well when it gets colder
Evening
I feel in a real bad mood right now
Not completely sure why ether...
Anyway my day started at 8:30am by mum bringing
pinks into my room and she nothing but talked so it woke me
but its nice to woken up by a piggie
I sat with the girls on my knee
then I went for a shower
I sifted through my fabrics as I want to make Karen some bunting
as a house warming present
I chose 15 different fabrics
then I got ready to go to my therapy session ugh
i arrived on time and was only waiting a few mins
I was her first appointment ^^
Didnt wanna be there
We talked about the homework she had set me
I had to write down my moods, what I was doing at the time etc
She went through it and spotted my patterns
First thing she said was
"colour coded?"
"yup"
"is this you?"
"oh very me I like colourful, I like to try and I like to be organized. Also I hate black ink"
"so if you were to make a mistake what would you do?"
"cross it out"
"you wouldnt have to start all over again?"
"god no its only writing its not like a piece of art work"
she was seeing how much of a perfectionist control freak I was XD
We talked about various things as you do
mainly college life and general life at 16-18 years old
talked about weight and my thoughts on that
my illness in general which did make me a bit upset
she could tell she'd touched on something
then she asked
"how does it make you feel to cry in front of others?"
"weak"
"weak? weak how?"
"i just see it as a weakness to cry in front of someone doesnt matter who"
"so crying is a weakness? but through you crying I can see that im starting to hit on subjects that have had an effect on your life. So isn't it a good thing you've cried?"
"no, because I would have told you anyway, its just talking with tears"
"just talking with tears. But can't crying make you feel better afterwards?"
"yeah it can but it can also make you feel quite crap as well"
"is it wrong to show emotion then? Are you a robot?"
"no no I can show and feel emotion and im not a robot I just dont see a use for crying"
To be honest I'd had enough, i hate talking about stuff and it was exhausting, just trying to phrase things is difficult at times. She told me I dont give myself permission to relax
So my 'homework' this week is to sit and read a Manga Book for 30 minutes
no distractions
no getting up
just READ and SIT
easier said than done for me
She asked me to do it today but I havent. I will get it done tomorrow
she says shes giving me 'permission' to just read for 30 mins
I have to write down my exact thoughts what go through my head whilst reading.
at the end of all my therapy sessions she says I should be able to just go and sit for 30mins off my own back instead of feeling like its task shes set me and that shes given me permission it needs to feel like ive given myself permission to just sit and relax and just be.
She said I need to do more of things I enjoy even though I may not get anything from it I just need to tune off and enjoy myself. i dont need to always find meaning from things.
I left there and drove straight to Adam's work place
we were originally going for lunch and a walk by the river
but I changed my mind I decided I wanted to go art shop for supplies
If i was to do more of what I enjoy then I need supplies!
So we had lunch at a cafe in the art shop
I picked up a few bits then I went Hobby Craft and picked up
probably the best colouring book I have ever seen
I always look at adult colouring books but I have never come across one
were Ive actually wanted to do it just cus its ether not my style or looks dull
but this really spoke to me
yup definitely my style
so days when im not feeling creative I'll sit and do this
I also picked up mini canvases!! I had no idea they came so small!!
So I brought 4 and then an A5 sketch book
I did go for A3 originally but its more work and I didnt wanna over face myself and put myself off with the amount of work. So we'll start small.
Originally we were going to my house but adam said he wanted to go to his
I didnt argue cus I wasnt bothered really
so we went to his and I asked why we had to come here
he told me because he wanted to take me out for cake :D
it was so sweet of him to do that for me I was really surprised
so we walked up to the shops and had a cake I couldnt finish it I was still full from lunch
was good tho
then we went shops as he wanted a few bits and pieces, he said to me
"hey Jo come look at this"
I walked over and he pointed at Condoms...and this is where I show my immaturity I looked away and walked away, he laughed and said "youve gone red" git. and it was walked away as well as he said I RAN away. did not >.>
stupid immaturity
stupid guys
he didnt buy any thank god
We got to back to his and sat with his dad a bit
I just cuddled adam really
then he cuddled me on his bed I was really tense and I had no clue why
I honestly didnt
and I looked at the confusion on his face and he asked what was up
but I wasnt sure what was up I just was flinchy and tense to his touch
kinda like how I was when we first went out
I eventually relaxed tho after 5-10mins
he said he didnt have to cuddle me but knew I wanted a hug and I did I just had to relax
im so stupid at times and I wanted to get rid of the confusion on his face
I came home eventually from adam's
he really made it hard to go literally
he wouldnt let go!!!
I cant fight with that strength
Went to yoga
I came back in a bad mood
i feel real peeved
I dont want to go school ether
I dont want dinner tonight
I dont want to go to bed
I dont know what I want to do
Let's get tomorrow out the way
Good Evening~~~
Today marks a 'special' day
as today me and Adam have been a couple for 100 days!!
It's a small achievement I know
but an achievement none the less
so tonight we're gonna go have a drink (none alcoholic as we dont drink!)
im so lucky to have him and i hope we see many more days together
god knows how he puts up with me at times XD
but he still loves me even with all my little ways
im impressed that my first relationship has lasted this long!
its the 12th July today and we first met up 17th January for the first time since school so it's been near enough 7 months of getting to know one another again
he has done well
I got up this morning at 6:45
so I had plenty of time to faff with my hair and make-up :)
School morning consisted of P.E. then going into the next class
for september so in my case year 3
just so each class can get an idea what its like to be in the next year
then lunch time and i came home for lunch
after lunch we were back in our usual classroom did r.e. and that
was about it really
came home and had a shower
then went straight back out to go have my eye lashes tinted
whilst i was there i got my eye brows shaped cus mine are a mess quite frankly
and shes done an amazing job i have to say
then i got home and quickly checked stuff on my laptop
then got ready to go see adam at the pub
tomorrow i have CBT therapy at 10:45am
then im gonna go buy some clear mascara as mine is getting old and gross
i dont want eye infections due to bad hygiene!!
bit worried about CBT just cus i dont know what we'll be talking about
at lunch time im meeting adam and i think were gonna have lunch together
somewhere then a walk by the river :)
nails i did 2 weeks ago
Konbanwa~~
I got my jacket finished today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's done ^^
Anyway last night I woke up with awful stomach ache
and was on toilet for quite some time
so it took a while to get back off to sleep but i managed it
got up at 8:30am
I had to have the pets inside today as it was pouring it down!
Oz was more than happy to come inside, honestly he gets so hyper
I continued sewing my jacket
and got it finished, photographed it :)
but it's gonna be a while til i can wear it cus its too warm for summer
but im please with it
I had some lunch
the i went over to karen's, it was good to see her and find out about her move
i had 30min back massage which was really good cus i was knotty i know i was
she told me about her move, her daughter's prom and we talked about me
in fact she made draw up a rune and pick an angel card
those things make me feel sick sometimes
both said the same thing
basically not hiding my true self, show myself to others and let them in to not be afraid of them seeing the real me and to be more accepting of myself
kinda strange if you ask me cus thats is what is going off right now
i drew the angel card Amaterasu which I recognised straight away as the sun goddess
(too many hours spent playing Okami there!)
but letting people in and seeing what im really like is easier said than done
its the fear or rejection and other's seeing/treating you differently
i guess this is why im having therapy tho cus i have issues about this and issues over control.
it was kinda sad leaving cus i told her it was my last time at this house
i met her at this house, when she originally met me i looked like a corpse or a vampire i was really quite sick actually. but ive come a long way
she told me not to start her off cus felt like crying, she is quite sensitive about the move to say the least so i didnt dwell on it.
next time i see her she will be in her new house 4miles away from where she is now.
i just hope it goes ok for her
she told me id be leaving the sick me behind and her new house will only know the better me.
im sure we'll make new memories at her new house
I came home and went to sleep
ive been tired all day and couldnt be bothered to fight it any longer
so i ended up being asleep for 2 hours ><
Went on my laptop for a bit looking at nail art designs for this week
brought a nail art tool online
got stuff ready for tomorrow cus its school, i hope school passes quickly enough
also tomorrow
at 4pm i am going to the beauty parlour with mum, i havent been in such a long time! but i decided i wanted my eye lashes dyed. i havent been able to wear mascara for quite some weeks now just cus it takes some removing and my skin round my eyes is very sensitive currently due to hay fever so if i rub my eyes they get very very sore and the skin starts to become damaged, then make-up doesnt sit right under my eyes, and its an annoying circle
so i have been wearing clear mascara but i thought if theyre dyed then it kills two birds with one stone.
in the evening me and adam are going for a drink to celebrate being together 100 days!
oh made this hair bow, i copied an idol's i saw in a MV the other day
Evening~~
Last night I went to bed I must have just drifted off to sleep
then suddenly a horrendous noise happened i about bolted out my bed
i heard my family were still up and then my brain told me it was the noise
of the plumbing, something weird must have happened
but jesus scared the crap outta me, took a while to calm down and get to sleep
I got ready for school
used my canmake eye shadow again :3
School morning was a lil dull if im honest
but I got through it
I came home for lunch which was pasta I made on friday X3
then I went back to school we did rounders
i did 40 mins of solid bowling oh yeah i still havent lost it ;)
I came home and had a brew then I went to bed
I was just mentally and physically tired so i got up after an hour
then I went on my sewing machine
and Im soooo close to finishing
just got sleeves to stitch on, 2 bows to stitch, then to tie off any loose ends
done
its looking really good I have to say ^^
I won another pair of converse!! no one else bidded so i got them for £7.90!!!!
only worn twice!! such a bargin!
I've got 2 pairs of converse now for less than what 1 pair costs in store!
my japanese hair dye should have come today been waiting 6 weeks
but what i did get in the post were my cheap but different bracelets
theyre all under £2 and the necklace was like 99p
just little accessories for school and stuff
i like em ^^
Tomorrow I usually see adam on a tuesday but cus of appointments and he's working we arent meeting up so we're gonna meet wednesday instead
but hopefully i will see mia tomorrow
Good Evening~~
I stayed up late ;)
honestly it was 11pm by the time I made my way to bed XD
I had decided to watch Kill Bill by myself
It was quite good I guess, something different to watch
there was a lot of japanese in it actually
i found myself being able to understand a bit of it
i was impressed with myself
I woke up at 8:15am
I got up and started my jobs
put animals out
did the pigs's salad
hovered
wiped down surfaces
tied up
put pigs away
by this point I was quite sweaty
so I had a shower cus I just felt icky
then I got ready to go over to Adam's house
we left pretty much soon after I had come over
it was a good 30min drive to this pub
but it was worth it cus it was really something
the pub it's self was small and old fashioned, just like how public houses used to be
His parent's told me "you may not want a starter"
judging by the menu I couldnt see anything on the starter menu that stood out to me, but I knew they meant 'Jo you aint gonna manage a starter and main'
so I skipped the starter, but when theirs arrived I looked thinking "jeez a starter would do me"
then the main came, I had lamb sunday roast it was huge!!!!! honestly i could not believe the value of this place it was cheap enough, you got lots of food and it was high quality too
i was well impressed
well worth the trek out there
i finished my dinner with full on determination
but didnt want to see food for quite some time
the pudding, well adam and his dad skipped but me and his mum got ours to take away
butterscotch tart *0* pure luxury
we came home
on the way home i was practically falling asleep
i had been tired and really achy all day and now had a head ache and stomach ache
so i felt quite done in
when we got back to his house adam turned to me and said "why dont you go to bed?"
i must have looked how I felt
so he left me to it for 30-40mins
i did feel better afterwards
so I got up and had a tea with my butterscotch tart with his mum
it was good ^^ oishi~
then at 5pm I left cus i wanted to see my mummy :) they got back at 12pm
Spoke to mum about her holiday
they'd had a good time it sounds like
tomorrow is school -______-
im sure i'll get through the day
after school i do not have any plans tho
I thought I'd show a couple of materials ive used on my hoodie
first is this awful little number, its suppose to be a babydoll night time wear
but its so cheap and crudely done i wouldnt be seen dead wearing it
i just brought it for its material as it was cheaper than buying by the meter
then I brought this cool shiny stuff for the wings on the back ~kira kira~
i have never worked with this material before
I brought a dress/top off ebay last night and a hoodie~
Good things today
I cleaned up
I ate so much i honestly did
Evening~
I didn't sleep to bad actually
I got up and put the girls out for 8am cus it was set to be another warm day
I cleaned them out
did some sewing
got dressed and went to adam's house
we sat and had a brew and talked
then we went to the shops for food as per usual
just our usual saturday routine
i did his mum's nails also
she was pleased with them
I came home at 4pm
It was still too warm for pets to go out
i sat and did some sewing
im on the home stretch now with the jacket
all that is left is to sew it together!
I did a lil bit of dancing
went for a shower
now im in 2 minds weather to watch Kill Bill or not
thinking I should really X3
Tomorrow mummy comes home ^^
I am going out with adam's family
it's his parents 35th anniversary and they have invited me to join
them to this sunday pub roast theyre going to
should be good
just hope i dont get stomach ache --______--
then im coming home later on to see mum and get ready for school
my brother went for mcdonalds at midnight last night with his friend XD
and he had take-away pizza tonight
pleased with himself
i came home to see my new converse had arrived!!!!!!
ex-display and they are like new honestly i cant fault them
reduced from £65.99 to £18.50
leather as well, came with another set of laces as well
so pleased!
