Football Coaster

Konbanwa~~

I slept like a log last night
but i was still very tired physically and mentally when I woke up
to be honest it took me til about 12pm to stop feeling rough

school was fine
nothing much happening
it was just a hard slog really
body was just so tired
but i got through it somehow 
the last A-level practical with powdered milk went really well ^^
so i was able to finally clear that away
dont know what the next big practical is...dread to think
i also had to varnish the back of 30 leaves.... what a dull job that was
and a waste of clear nail varnish in my opinion 

i was ready to come home i felt like i was about 
falling asleep on the way home
i sat with oz and mum with a brew which took a lot of will power
as the desire to go to bed was incredibly strong!
im surprised i resisted but i knew i really wouldnt sleep
tonight if i had gone to bed
so then i rested 

knew i HAD to do exercise but really really didnt want to 
but somehow managed to do half hour of yoga
god only knows how 
feel like i still need to do more
i have eaten so badly last two days
been so many cakes and chocolates at work
and cus i have needed the energy i have just eaten whats there
its really bad and i have so many thoughts about how fat i will become
but yeah i needed to get through the day
and they were my beacon of light when i was desperate 
but my stomach has been off past two days almost like its struggled to digest the sheer amount of sugar i have pumped into it ><
need to cut back for a week at least

i cant remember if i uploaded this or not yesterday but its the coaster design i have done for my secret santa - head of science. took me about 10 mins to draw

i managed to get another sale on my digital art too on sunday i think
its nice doing little sales, doesnt make feel like such a bad crafter/artist 

tomorrow its school
and i have no practicals going off
so i will have to pass the day some how

tonight i was gonna paint my nails but im so tired
i doubt i could concentrate on them

started secret santa

Konbanwa

I had weird dreams last night
i was some sort of bug that was the size of a cat
i was finding my way through this really abandoned city
with these other creatures, creatures that are more like monsters
very weird. then the whole place began to flood and the monsters came to
hunt those of us who were small
i panicked but soon realised i could breathe under the water
i was hiding behind fallen rubble until a man sized monster found me
he reached out to grab me and i woke up then
thank god i did wake up
it was 9am

i watched truffle running laps in the hall
she bombs rounds her agility is second to none
she is in a world of her own
tillie isnt bothered about running with her 
she joins in for one lap but then soon stops but happily watches her sister
molly just lets her get on with it

i had a shower this morning
then i went out to the shops
i just brought a bra in the sale for £5 its so silky and soft ^^
and some leggings for the christmas party
and some face oils to try 
i did try on some dresses but i didnt look right
wearing woman's clothes looks odd on me and doesnt suit me in the slightest
i left and went for a walk down the river which was cold very cold

i came home and had lunch by myself and then went to bed
my body felt tired
i got up and had a brew
then i wrapped the guinea pigs up ready to go ~ 

then i started working on the secret santa present
ive drawn it out ive just got to rub bits out and scan it in then get it printed as a coaster
then done~

since then i havent done a lot
i could do stuff if i push myself but not sure whether to or not
might save my energy and practice dances tonight
or sort my ipod out ><

jack sent me a txt at 2pm asking to see the guinea pigs
i havent txt him back nor have i shown him the pigs
im just not in the mood for it all today so i feel im best of staying away
unless i say something i regret later on
not sure how i feel about seeing him tomorrow at work
sure i will be fine
not sure if he went hiking or not but ive gone past the stage of caring
cus he's ether stayed in all day playing pokemon with theo or gone out with scouts
ether way im not bothered anymore
if he wants to do his thing i'll continue doing my own
not much of a relationship tho
but saves me getting hurt and disappointed 

tomorrow is work
it is gonna be a full on day
as soon as i get in ive got chemicals to make up fresh
and other equipment to set up like 5 water baths....
im gonna be shattered tomorrow
wonder how cold it will be
this has been the scene thats greeted me both yesterday and today
thick thick frost

relationships dont seem worth it

Evening

Didn't sleep great
woke up at 6am and thought "sod that" then woke up at 8am
thats more like it for a saturday
i was with the girls this morning

then did 40 mins of dancing and yoga
i was sooooo sweaty afterwards
but it felt good to work out and i did really well too ^^
then i went on my laptop for a bit
had lunch and went to bed for 2 hours
my body was just exhausted 
working all week still takes it out of me

in the afternoon i started the last 4 guinea pigs
and eventually got them finished
so theyre all done which is a good feeling 
they look cute too my brother and mum like them
get them sent off soon~
i still have many other projects to do...

jack woke up at 11am really hungover but said it was good night
i only got on drunk txt message at 12:30am saying he misses me
so i told him today if he still misses me he knows where to find me
he said he was gonna clean up the mess and go shopping
which i thought was fair enough
and i kinda thought he'd come 'kidnap' me as hes being saying he would all week
and that he wanted to spend saturday night together
kept saying we need to spend time together
but he told me today hes going hiking with scouts tomorrow....
so i asked him what he was actually gonna do today
turns out theo has brought a switch today with pokemon
so thats what hes doing...hes gaming. AGAIN
once again im put on the shelf for games
it hurt 
and it made me question a lot really
like 'am i important at all to him?'
i know i need to have it out with him
to be honest i was so upset tonight that i told mum i no longer wanted a relationship
that i was better off alone
as that way i wont get disappointed and let down
i felt foolish for letting myself get close to someone
mum said jack has been disappointing lately, he never actually does anything for me, this relationship or does anything he says hes gonna do! but that maybe its his autistic side and that hes not intentionally being selfish and thoughtless, hes just wrapped up in his own world
which is fair enough i understand and its no excuse
but i said i dont think he can change
and mum said it depends on how much i can put up with but that i do need to talk to him
i cant really face seeing him monday...
just constantly let down by him and it wears thin. im also fed up of crying over this relationship and the fact he doesnt know how much i shed tears over him
had enough

im having an early night as my eyes are stinging from crafting and crying
crafting and crying, the two things ive done for the last few weekends!

tomorrow
i have other craft projects to crack on with
i will photograph things i make

got an advent calender

Evening~~

Kinda slept ok
but was happy when i woke up to see it was friday
although 3:30pm seemed a mile away....

it was freezing this morning
i thought it was gonna be an easy day too
until i looked at what was needed for monday....
my god i have got a busy day monday
i have chemicals to make up - which have to be made on the day
i have stuff to move between classrooms
just loads to do its gonna be mad and im gonna be shattered...
jack said he'd help

head biology asked if we would take money from the tea & biscuit fund
to go asda and get advent calenders for all 19 members of science staff
(yes we have a lot of staff due to part timers >.>)
i looked at what else we needed to stock up on and in the end ask jack
to come with me as i was gonna get all that myself
so we got advent calenders
i got white chocolate and so did jack
finally i have one this year, last year i brought myself one
and once again no one brought me one this year T^T
so its nice having one but i cant say im that fussed

i kept busy thoughout the day really
but i had my coat on before 3:30pm
i was more than ready to go
i had awful stomach ache after i ate my lunch
i was weird today as i actually felt hungry
it has been weeks and weeks since i have felt hunger 
so i couldnt wait for lunch and when i ate it i had bad stomach ache
but lately ive been having that anyway when i eat but not as bad as today

i got home had a brew with oz and mum
then danced
not much but enough as i was dripping
i would have liked to have done more but that wouldnt be listening to my body 
showered
then pretty much listening to jpop whilst looking at japanese fashion

jack is out tonight with the guys
so i might have drunken text messages later we shall see...
but at least he will be out for the count tomorrow and i can get on with craft
he invited me out with everyone but i thought 'its cold and i cant drink'
im more of a liability than anything so i opted out
besides i want my saturday to craft
i said to mum im unsure whether to see jack or not at the weekend
hes been saying we need to spend time together but yeah i have A LOT to do
so i told mum i made a decision
if jack comes over on saturday and actually you know - makes an effort - i will see him and sleep over at his on saturday night as he as requested i do this weekend
BUT if he cant be bothered to come get me that forget it im not doing the running around and i will spend the weekend at home.
i will not tell him this, i want to see if he is capable of making an effort off his own back
mum said it seemed fair
so thats where i am at
ive told jack hes welcome over any time and he might have to whisk me away from my crafting

right im gonna sit with my lad 


tomorrow i plan on sewing these last 4 guinea pigs
drawing my secret santa present
making christmas cards
making jack's present
hell i have so much that needs doing still...

just another long thursday

Evening

I couldnt get off to sleep last night
was tired when I woke up and prayed it was actually friday...

school was boring
but nice to have jack back i guess
i started work 15 mins early so i could leave 15 mins early
as it helps with having yoga

i didnt do much today
i threw out more crap in the prep room
and did other bits and pieces but yeah it was a dull day really
helped Julia out as well

Jack was moaning we havent spent any time together for while now
i said to him "youre too busy playing games!"
he said "thats a lie and you know it"
i said "no cus i got used to going over to yours on a wednesday but you started putting your name down for online gaming groups"
he said "i invited you over last night but you said you forgot your stuff"
 i said "i txted you tuesday evening and got nothing back so i wasnt even sure you wanted me over still"
he said "well the gaming wednesday group has ended, we need to spend time together"
i said "also 2 weeks ago you decided to sort your switch out rather than see me, last week you were playing pokemon"
that shut him up
i said "well i have a lot to do this weekend."
he asked if id stay over saturday but i said i'd see
think hes got the message that hes been ditching me
and that i wont go running back to him when it suits
he has to learn
not that i think he has learned really but makes me feel better
not sure what will happen at the weekend tho

i came home
sat with babies and Oz
truffle is so unruley she just walks all over everyone
Oz is grooming them both

went yoga which was good
then had dinner now gonna have a shower, sit with oz then do my nails

tomorrow is friday
thank bloody god

Pokemon Terrarium + secret santa

Evening

I think I slept well

I felt shattered when I woke up

and I looked at my bed...it was just in a ball

god only knows what id been doing in my sleep

had i rested at all?

I got to school and started taking all the lessons out

reminding teachers that Jo was captain of the ship today ;)

everyone had faith in me and a couple even said "thought you're normally the one in charge"

then jack waltzed in at 8:40am 

he wanted a microscope to take with him but soon realised it was beyond fixing so didnt bother taking it. he asked if i was staying over tonight but i told him i hadnt brought my stuff. I didnt want to come out with "no i dont want to" as it felt a bit harsh for that time of the day XD

i told him not to bother coming back as he didnt have a microscope to return 

he left at 9am

and that was that

Jo was in charge

but my god the day ended up being busy...i was so tired by the end of it

just people wanting stuff and julia was that snowed under she actually asked for help for once

i keep telling her to ask me if she wants help as i dont mind

didnt get much of a lunch break ether, i had so many disturbances that in the end i was so annoyed that i just kept working 

i cleared loads of crap cus my god the previous technician was a horder. no other word for it

and i cant always throw stuff away with jack there cus he can be just as bad

so i tend to clear out when hes out the way

it looks better tho

jack turned up at 3pm

with a bag full of 'goodies' i mean it wasnt anything i would call 'good'

but he was happy

yet more junk

and literally the space id cleared on the tables -- to work on

he emptied his stuff on...i told him "Ive cleaned that today!!" he did clear up

but hes now got to find places for all the junk hes been given

he told me he'd brought food for tonight for the both of us

but in fairness i never actually said id stay over i simply replied 'maybe' so i didnt feel bad

im not dropping everything for him

we walked out of school and he said i looked shattered i think he was thinking that we could go grab my stuff and have a sleep over at his but yeah i think he looked at my face and thought again

Jo was tired

he thanked me for covering for him tho

we did secret santa at work today

we pulled names from a science beaker 

I got head of science, course i did -___- but i have an idea of what to do

we cant spend anymore that £10

Jack pulled one out and was happy and then said "actually no this makes things harder"

im under the feeling he's pulled me for some reason

but we shall see

i have never actually taken part in secret santa before

tomorrow its work

so fed up of work

want a break to do crafty stuff

and then i yoga with karen to face.....

jack txt me tonight saying he's missing me

should hope so

i know hes gaming online tho so he can soon the void

i keep telling him hes gaming a lot

im not sure when we will meet up as i have a lot of art and craft to do

so my weekend looks booked up

here's the pokemon terrarium i made and its still at work

Fang the Bat

Evening

I slept a bit better last night
still woke up but it was without the nightmares at least
sat with Ozwald this morning
last night he was falling asleep on my knee it was very cute
he was tired bunny
but he was fine this morning

school was dull
had 2 practicals on in the whole day
so i helped julia with the washing up, again
i didnt mind
jack came in and said I looked like I needed cheering up
and presented me with this little guy~

Isn't he cute!!!! I love him!
jack brought him the same time he brought Luna the mini pumpkin 
he was saving the bat for christmas but thought id like him now
I have named him Fang as i like his little fangs
very cute and I've put him with Cosmo the bat plush i brought from convention
another gift came my way today as well
a computer!!!
despite there being 3 technicians, we've only ever had 2 computers
and whilst jack is on his A LOT me and julia share one but i always give it to her
as im never doing much on it anyway and computers hold little interest to me
but i asked chris - the IT technician very nicely for a computer
and today he delivered!
the computer its self and monitor are second hand but he gave me a brand new mouse and key board!! so i dont have to use one used by gross children, he also put an SSD in it so its far faster and actually functions unlike jack's and julia's but ssshhh they dont know that! he also kindly put photoshop and the whole lot of Adobe on there for me *0* i was grateful
i put up a display - well the start of one
its for science club and i got praised by head of science for all my display work ^^
i had science club at the end of the day
its always chaos but makes that final hour go quick

i came home and had a brew with Oz and mum
after id found Oz that was
he didnt want to go home it would seem

then i went for a walk
had dinner
and then cut out the remaining 4 guineas i need to make
so i feel ive achieved something with my time tonight
i got distracted as well with watching dances XD 
i'll sit with Oz and get to bed

tomorrow is school
and look who is captain of the fleet tomorrow ;)
jack is at some technician meet up thing so im in charge
he says im not but we all know I AM X3
he INSISTS on coming in in the morning and at the end of the day
god only knows why as i know i sure as hell wouldnt
but anyway
so i will see him at some point im sure
he wants me to stay over tomorrow but im not in the mood
id just rather not at the moment but havent quite broke that news to him yet...

i have a feeling tomorrow will ether be really hectic or really slow...
we shall see