dont want blood test tomorrow

Evening

I slept pretty well
I couldnt be bothered today tho if im honest

school was hard work
just cus i felt so crap
i actually got to work questioning myself if i had taken the right dosage 
i felt so dizzy and sick
took til 1pm to actually feel okish
so all day i was slogging it, it was hard
and having to sort the lungs out...i could have been sick
think i felt my self pale at that
wasnt in the mood for that

the last 2 hours of the day were spent helping julia with the washing up
i had other stuff to do too
i quizzed jack on when he was booking his driving
he is putting it off and off
if i get in tomorrow and he still hasnt done anything about it
then thats Jo out, thats me done
i can only try so much til i go beyond wanting to help
i have little energy and im not wasting it

i got home and sat with Oz
then i made some biscuits which was nice
then i did 40mins of yoga
played on disgaea for a bit and had dinner
now im gonna do my physio exercises

god tomorrow i do not want to come....
i have that god awful mega blood test
ill happily trade places with anyone
i feel like crying thats how bad i dont want to go
still at least i get a lay in!
my blood test is at 10:30am 
then once i recover i will be going to work
then sleeping over at jack's hopefully 

just dont wanna go T^T

more sodding appointments

Evening

I slept pretty well but everytime i woke up I was sweating
and it wasnt even a hot night
I couldnt be bothered to go school tho i have to say....
i did feel dizzy most of the day for some reason

school was alright tho
pretty quiet for me as i didnt have a practical on
the most i had to do was do microscopes
i finished a display, i drew isaac newton and the teacher loved it

i got a call from occupational health
saying i will have an hour's telephone appointment on 26th march
ugh what joy that will be!
mum texted too to say she had booked me for a blood test on wednesday...
dear god life is cruel
sick of being a pin cushion >.>
i  hate appointments
i just want my body to be normal and function
mum even booked me a phone call appointment with doctor a week after my results so i know then whether i need to be referred or not

i got home and saw the girls and Oz
ended up dozing off a bit with Oz under my arm
he was so warm soft and fluffy
he ended up licking my nose to wake me up XD

i had dinner then went on my laptop for a bit
not that ive looked at anything interesting
might do some dancing next

dont wanna go tomorrow
got lung dissection and the last of the bacteria
then i have got to grow my own bacteria for my own storage as mine will soon die

about it really

picking up bargains

Konbanwa~~~

So yesterday I got up and I went into the city centre~
after i had cleaned Oz and seen him and stuff tho of course

I shopped around and took my time
I picked up a lot of bargains too ^^
I txted jack to say I was in the city
and later on he came to meet me
we had lunch in a cafe then he took my bags back to his flat
i had brought really cheap clothes, stuff for when i move out and accessories 
I met up with him after I had been bra shopping and we had a hot chocolate
which we both loved
then after that, I took him home to my house
we stayed there for a bit and saw Oz

then I went to his
we made food, watched the end of Kizunaiver and played switchs in bed
it was a good saturday actually ^^
i wanted to get my ears pierced but there was a big que and i couldnt be bothered
but thats fine it will get done!

this morning i woke up and needed my medication
so i got up and left jack
i had breakfast by myself but he wasnt far behind actually
i thought he'd be lazier than what he has been this weekend
we had tea and i went and had a bath
the bath made me feel exhausted and i got dressed and fell asleep
whilst i was asleep jack had made soup from scratch and did other jobs
i felt bad for not helping but he was fine about it
we had soup then i pretty much went home as i had my own soup to make for the week
and biscuits to make

after i did that i went for a walk as the sun was actually out!
then i sorted stuff out in my room and stuff for school
now im wondering whether to dance or draw
not sure what i feel like doing actually
i havent done anything creative in a while but i do have a dance im keen to have ago at

tomorrow is school -____-
i have got to ring up doctors and get in for a blood test as soon as possible really
jack said i can have whatever time off i need to get the test done
hes more worried than i am

i need to do my physio exercises as well tonight T^T
dont wanna go tomorrow

really enjoying playing disgaea and its nice actually tuning off from life too

weighed myself for the first time in 2 years

Evening

I slept pretty well
had a dream that someone spat in my face and went after then, spat in their face and punched them in the face...god knows where that came from. 
i got up and did the thing i have been avoiding 
i weighed myself...my god i had no idea i weighed THAT MUCH!
likes seriously it surprised me
i weigh 61kg which when i looked is an ideal weight for my height
but still feels a lot to me
thats how much i weighed at 17
i told mum i weighed myself she wasnt that impressed
but i said i had done it to see if i had lost weight and i could tell the doctor
anyway it was friday!!!
so i wanted to get the day done and start my weekend!

school was alright probably my most quietest day of the week
i still had two practicals
one being bacteria which i nailed
the teacher have been impressed with my work as they said last year the bacteria just didnt work
and ive got them to work!
just have 1 class to go then im done with that crap
i started putting up a display as well ^^
but couldnt wait to finish
id practically worked by myself today as jack was on the computer like all day doing health and safety stuff that bores me to pieces and i was doing actual work you know
and julia was upstairs a lot today

i told jack i weighed myself and he didnt seem impressed with me
but i told him my reasoning
he couldnt believe i weighed 61kg as he weighs 70kg
i havent had that urge to lose weight but i can feel it creeping in

after work i had an actual brew like as in milk, it was so nice
had it with Oz and the girls
then me and mum went for a walk which was nice
i got back and played on disgaea5 which im really enjoying actually
then i had dinner and then i did my physio exercises
after i  went doctors
ugh doctors on a friday night whats worse

i told him about fainting and being dizzy and having high blood pressure
he seemed concerned about this and did some tests
he said my blood pressure is fine, however i need a blood test -______-
im being tested for 10 things and if it wasnt for the blood test a few weeks ago
i would have been tested for 3 more things
he said if they come back fine then i need to be referred to neurology and cardiology...
nothing is ever simple with my body
i told him i havent been digesting food very well since december but he didnt really seemed bothered to be honest with you he said it was late and im last appointment
so that was that
he would have finshed on time and had time for me if he wasnt 15mins late for me >.>
so crap

came home and showered as i felt dirty after being round school and doctors
gotta get those viruses off me XD

tomorrow its saturday!!! woohoo!
jack is out tonight so he will probably be spending his day recovering tomorrow
im thinking of going into the city centre and having a mooch round
i havent done that in ages 
and nothing else really i want to do
if im brave enough ill go by myself and have my ears pierced!

we're almost there with this week

Evening~~

I've had better days at school anyway

but yesterday I went home with Jack
we went to pick up tea and coffee and biscuits for school on the way home from school
then once we were in and had a brew we got dinner on
it was just me and jack
and after dinner he asked me "what do you wanna do tonight?"
i said "anime, then play switchs in bed"
he said "my god that sounds perfect"
so we continued watching Kizunaiver 
an anime about a group of teenagers in an experiment were they share each other's pain
after we finished watching for the night
i turned to jack "would you feel my pain if you could?"
he said "yes most definitely" 
i said "why tho?"
he said "so i can feel what you go through everyday"
i said "mum says if she could take it away for a day she would"
he said "i would love to be able to take your pain away"
i said "i cant remember what it feels like to not have pain constantly there"
at this point he hugged me and held me and i could tell he was shedding a few tears
so i stayed and held on to him back
thinking 'this guy really does care for me'
i waited til he composed himself and i didnt mention or say anything about his tears
he just said "right enough of this despair, do your teeth so we can play switchs in bed"
so i left him and sorted myself out then climbed into bed on my side with Flump between my arms whilst i played on my switch and thats how he found me
he said "so cute! and makes me so happy seeing you like that in my bed"
we played for a while then went to sleep
were i did actually sleep quite well 

school was fine today 
just been busy all week just loads of practicals and not small ones ether
almost done with them tho
and i started another display too

i came home and went to yoga
we had a supply teacher and it was hard work!
came back and had dinner and done my diary thats it really

tomorrow its friday 
and thank bloody god cus ive had enough
although i have cruddy doctors at 7:45pm ugh
really wanna get that out the way

crappy day and dead line for next year

Evening

Did not sleep well
I was so shattered this morning
and didnt to face my day but it aint gonna do its self
i just woke up a complete cripple
my god i ached and usually when i wake up hurting it means its set for the day
and today was no different

i got to school and got straight into my practicals
and it just went tits up it really did
the hours i poured into those bacteria and it went wrong and the most simplest point just due to the fact the technician guide is poorly written and i havent done this before!
i am so re-writing that tech guide after this is done its terrible
so i was annoyed
i didnt get much of a lunch break probably all of 7 mins
as everyone suddenly needed me as it wasnt working
so peeved

i had had enough of everything
bacteria
science
running around
being in constant pain
i had to hold the tears in twice 
being tired and in constant pain and not taking a minute
just a bad combo

i left work 5 mins early
id got alll that i could done
and was done
i have a lot to do in order to make things right
but no one was annoyed at me

i got home and relaxed with my Ozwald
then i did 45mins of yoga to try ease my pain and it did help cus i imagine i have been tense today on more than one occasion
then i played on my switch ive practically done kirby
thinking i might move onto disgaea now actually :/ 

i had a shower to try and relax me a bit
i thought being clean in pyjamas was a way forward
think it has helped a bit
ive got to pack my stuff for jack's tomorrow and do my physio exercises -____-

tomorrow i have 4 practicals
i swear im gonna be dead by the end of this week 
im so taking extra pain killers even if it stops my heart
im not having another restless night

me and jack talked about stuff yesterday
basically his rent is up 1st april
his choice is to sign up for 6month contract paying and extra £100 per month
or sign up for another 12 months
he said "im not saying anything im not gonna sway you ether way its got to be your decision"
and i knew straight away we werent there yet, theres no way we could get out crap together and be out in 6months and besides i wanted to look around the end of the year and move out the start of next year which fits in better with the 12 month plan
so i said "12 month as were not there yet are we"
he said "i agree but i wanted to make sure you were happy and not wanting out of your home"
i am ok being at home and i want the year to buy homey things and to not rush it ether i want to find a house that suits us not because we're struggling for time
we have a time limit now next april jack has got to move out
so year this time next year i could be an actual adult and be a home owner!
we have a deadline

Almost done with Ecoli

Konbanwa~~

Didnt sleep well
woke up at 1am to my heart stuttering
such a strange sensation
i thought "I did take the right medication right?"
not that i take any heart medicine but i know if i overdose i can do my heart in
and i had no idea what was happening
and i thought "am i dying?"
and i just got comfy, weirdly
like i was happy right then and there to just die
after half an hour i needed a wee and got up
when i did the heart thing stopped and i felt okish

this morning i actually had a hot shower
my god hot water a god send
i havent had a hot shower here for months as the shower was a kinda "one temperature does all" for quite some time -____- but dad fixed it over the weekend
such bliss
and i sat with Oz of course I did

work was busy ><
if i see any more sodding bacteria 0.0
but i can safely say i have done all my bacteria making the rest is up the students now i do believe
i just hope it bloody works you know
i have more bacteria tomorrow and heart dissection 
i had ago at jack today for doing nothing towards his driving and not saying anything about being stuck on it, he needs to ask for help cus it pees me off
so i had ago at him
he knew he was in the wrong

i came home and listened to mum how unhappy she is in her marriage which i know and it sucked to come home to listen to her but then i have to think "who else can she rant to?" so i listened
not that i can do anything to help
i left then to go for a walk, it was cold but much needed. needed to clear my head 
i got back and did my dinner which was left overs
then talked to my brother and finally went online and had a brief look at earrings
getting bored of mine i want something different in, i also want my ears pierced too!
im gonna go sit with Oz and hopefully have an early night

tomorrow i have a busy day -_____-
hope i sleeep!