Konbanwa
I knew I couldnt sleep last night
so I got up at 11:45pm and stayed up til almost 1am
just had some cereal and hot chocolate as i felt a bit sick and off
and thats when i worked out i had had 150mg again...
need to stop doing that -____- but its so easy to do when youre in pain
i woke up at 7:30am but went to sleep for another hour
I went for a walk with mum this morning for about 40mins
then came back and did 50mins of yoga
my body was shaking after all that exercise!
i had a shower then sat working on my cross stitch
i sat doing it in front of keyakizaka46 arena 2019 tour
an i got squirtle done and the outline on charmander done
cute isnt it, considering the frame is only 3 inches
jack txted and said he had received my doodle ^^
he really liked it and said it had made his week :)
so it was worth doing
thought we were gonna talk today but we havent
my brother left for his girlfriend's family house today :(
hes gone for a whole week just for a change of scenery he says
i will miss him a lot i know i will
and means i will be eating my dinners by myself for a week ><
but if it makes him happy then so be it
jack has said i can go over to his but im ok at the moment
im only gonna go over if i am really struggling
although from sounds of it he would quite like me over
tonight i would like to work on some dancing
and maybe do a bit of drawing
i have really bad back ache tho so im not sure how things will go just yet
what will be comfiest to do kinda thing
tomorrow i might do some dancing and sweat it out
probably go a walk with mum as i know she likes doing that with me
do some cross stitch pokemon, drawing and anything else i wanna do i guess
Evening
I tried sleeping in my dressing gown on top of my bed last night
didnt work the other night but worked last night
took me til after midnight and few swipes at my face but finally got to sleep
i felt sore from running this morning and my face felt dry and sore from scratching it in a half sleep state - something i do when im unhappy and stressed and do without thinking -____-
This morning i went for a good walk with mum which was nice
then i came back and had a brew with the lad then had a shower
had my lunch then went and checked my work emails
i rubbed in jack's face i had 26 emails and no work XD woohoo!
i went to bed after that i was in pain
extra pain relief had done very little and i didnt want to take anymore if i could help it
i was desperate for escape so that what i did
when i woke up
i began planning out my snorlax candle holder as the clay came today all 454g of it!
its a brick! never had so much clay in one chunk before
but i needs to be weighty to support a candle
i might start it tomorrow maybe? not sure yet
i need hours at it and have to it in one day otherwise clay goes off
its gonna be a birthday present for jack
thats if it isnt crap!
i had an idea in bed last night about doing some cross stitch for my would be house
so i planned that out
i have 3 inch frames and inside i will cross stitch
red frame - charmander
blue frame - squirtle
green frame - bulbasaur
theyre gonna be so cute as the cross stitch of the pokemon will only be like an inch big X3
today we had to ring the vets up and report my molly's runny eye shes had for the last 3 days
the receptionist said they will request a photo of molly's eye then the vet will decide on whether molly needs to come in or if they will just prescribe something for her
given shes already had a runny eye i was kinda hoping we wouldnt have to take her in
luckily they didnt even request a photo! they rang up and said they would leave us some eye drops on the desk for us. so mum went down to collect them
she said people had to leave the pets on the door step and a member of staff came and collected them. how hard must that be! to not physically give them over but to leave them in a box at the door!
god i couldnt do that to Oz! mum said she watched a woman leave her puppy in the box!
also today was a little gusty but nothing major but blew the felting off the shed roof
so dad had some come home and nail that back on
i had truffle on the sofa with Oz today
he was grooming her and he licked her ear and she shudder and shut her eyes
one happy pig, he loves his guineas
i did 20mins of dancing tonight but i was making myself hot and bothered so i gave in
i did 20mins of yoga earlier in the day and a 50mins walk so i havent done bad today
im gonna paint my nails tonight
as i got too distracted with watching killing eve last night
heres how far i am, i didnt do any last night
and only 15mins tonight and i mostly sorted the layers out
Evening
couldnt sleep
was up til 3am just in pain and id had enough really
but i got up at 8am so didnt sleep too bad
i have done bugger all today
really unmotivated
tired, in pain, fed up
self destructive
the other day i took 150mg of codeine instead of the recommended 64mg
today i was trying to pierce my ear but gave up because it wasnt going anywhere not cus of the pain, the pain was welcomed
i ached and ached
so decided to go for a run as i thought if that makes me ache then it cant make me feel any worse than what i already felt, was my reasoning
so i did a route that i used to do
i managed but did have to walk twice for a minute
as i literally couldnt breathe due to hayfever
i sounded like that penguin toy - weezy - from toy story 2
i sounded awful and my ribs and lungs hurt from trying to breathe
i came home and coughed and sounded like i was very heavy smoker
took a while for my lungs to feel ok, even after i could catch my breathe
i hate hayfever
my body ached after the run just from using different muscles i guess
but my knee joints hurt and i think running just isnt for me really
as much as i loved it like last year and the year before i just think its too damaging on my body and i already have bad joints and muscles, im making myself worse for no reason
so dancing and yoga it is :) it was nice going for a run but i didnt even enjoy it as much as i once did
i had a shower
and played on my switch in bed
laid in bed
zoned out in bed
just didnt want to involve myself in the world
i havent done anything
my brother says he is going ether tomorrow or tuesday to stay at his girlfriends family house for a couple of weeks
so im gonna find that hard and im dreading him going
im on the edge as it it, never mind losing him as well
i told jack i wasnt that happy with life
i spoke to him for 15mins
he said i can come stay with him for a couple of days
he wasnt that impressed to find out i had been falling into my self destructive ways
and he said even if i just come over to sleep properly at night it would be something
as i do seem to sleep better a lot of the time with him there
i will see
if my brother goes and i go then my mum will be alone
with dad....
im sure tomorrow will be a better day
i will have to check my work emails and see if i have had any work come in from over easter
ugh i might actually have work to do....
tonight is the first episode of the 3rd season of killing eve
actually something i want to watch on tv!
oh and i trimmed truffle today and did a really good job of her she looks so much better and tidier and even younger. she was much better behaved and yeah im pleased with her hair cut and so is mum :)
Evening all~~~~
my pumpkin cushion before i forget
I couldnt sleep - no surprise
but the sheer amount of pain I was in last night, I felt like crying
even now i am not sure how it didnt break me
i stayed in bed til 2am til i was that tense and knotted up and stressed that i had to get up
and i stayed up til 4am, read in bed for half hour then tried to sleep
then i woke up at 7am dripping in sweat from having a nightmare...
sodding nightmares, i have so many when im unhappy and stressed
this one was about being in some abandoned warehouse, i could hear people and screaming so i searched and searched til i found the source. It was a long ramp where people were tied up like they were to be hung then rode down the ramp whilst being hung then at the bottom a blade met them where it finally ended their suffering by clieving their head clean off. The sounds, screams, blood, images it was horrible and i felt sick thinking "what if they find me??"
so i woke up and somehow i fell asleep which i think was due to exhaustion more than anything
this morning i did half hour of dancing, followed straight up with half hour of yoga
i was a dripping mess and in need of a shower
afterwards i went to bed really as i was shattered
i got up and had some food which was 2pm and my first meal of the day
then i went for my 45min walk so ive done almost 2 hours worth of exercises today
i sat outside with mum with a brew when i got back which was nice
then i spoke to jack for the first time in almost a week
it was good to see him and speak with him not that ether of us had much to say as were always in contact anyway.
afterwards i helped mum with the dinner as she had a bad headache and couldnt think straight
after dinner i did some drawing and i got pretty far
its looking cute :)
i have a couple more physio exercises to finish off then next i am gonna sit with Oz and then play my switch
tomorrow probably just drawing and exercise
Evening~~
I couldnt sleep
I wasn't even tired weirdly
I stayed in bed til 1am tho and then I got up
I texted jack to see if he was still awake and he was, he couldnt sleep ether and he said he'd felt a bit down, which isnt like him to be honest.
So at 2am I was drawing and colouring in the picture to send to him X3 more determined to do it to cheer him up. It's not very good but I hope it will bring a smile to him
It gave me something different to do and a focus away from my pain
I went to bed at 3am ><
I got up at 8:30am I felt rough
i had been good tho and not taken any extra pain relief last night
i have had some extra today however, just cus id had enough of suffering
This morning dad found his Clanger plush I had put on his desk at 1am
it was his birthday present from me and strangely i think he liked it...0.0
dad liking something...odd
clangers were from his childhood so maybe it brought happy memories? does dad know what happiness is? anyway~
so i felt good I had gotten into his good books
mum wanted to do a walk this morning so we did that, despite me feeling like utter death
I came back and did 15mins of dancing to try and loosen my joints but I cant say it helped
then I had a shower
went on my laptop a bit then went to bed i was shattered
when I got up I decided to write Jack a little note to go with the picture and i got it all ready to post, honestly this is our first love letter X3 im hoping he likes it. I went and walked to the post box and extended my walk a bit whilst I was out
then I came home and chilled out on the sofa with Oz, a brew and my switch
he sat dosing whilst i played disgaea,i am still playing disgaea5 would you believe. I havent finished it yet even tho I have done like 50 hours!
then I just went on my laptop for a bit really
going to work on my digital drawing as well tonight
might go play on my switch before dinner
who knows if i will sleep or not tonight
its hard being alone in pain downstairs whilst my family blissfully sleeps :/
not sure what i will do tomorrow
i havent got any crafts lined up as of yet :/
Evening
I couldnt sleep but whats new really
got up about midnight cus id had enough
and went back to bed at 1:30am
woke up at 7:45am to the sound of my dad talking very loudly on the phone...
not what i wanted to wake up to i tell you
couldnt wait for him to leave for work
in fact i stayed upstairs til he had left at 8:15am
couldnt cope with him, but then when can i!
this morning me and mum went to walk to the shops
it made a change, it was a little further than we usually walk
and we ended up buying a fair few needed items
i kept reminding mum "we have this to carry home you know, only get what you need"
but i feel it very much fell on deaf ears...
we had 4 bags full
i only needed a candle and deodorant...
i came back and had a brew with my lad
he happily sat on my knee
then i had a shower and i went to bed as dad came home and i could face it
and i was tired, felt better for a sleep tho
i woke up at 2pm and had my lunch
then i worked on my pumpkin cushion which i did in fact get finished
i will take a photo but i dont currently have a cushion inner to put in it
so i can take a photo of it flat :/
still it looks good i think
i sat outside in the garden with mum for a short while
i do try to sit outside but i find outdoor furniture very uncomfortable so it just ends up causing me pain. speaking of pain, i was in a lot of it yesterday and took the most cocodamol i had ever taken before....150mg. thats a fair amount isnt it?
no wonder i felt off but i was desperate to be out of pain
tonight my pain is starting up again
so i did 20mins of dancing in my room just to loosen a few joints
it had helped a tiny bit, i suppose i could do a bit more dancing
i started doing a doodle tonight for jack
im gonna post him a doodle as a surprise,, i have his address it wasnt hard to memorise when i have seen his post lying around XD so he wont be expecting it or be expecting that i can memorise his address XD but im doing a doodle of stuff i am looking forward to after the lock down
its nothing great and i havent spent a lot of time on it but hopefully it will make him smile
he txted once today asking when he could video call me
but i havent responded, i all honesty i didnt want to talk to anyone today
and i didnt want to get arm ache from holding the phone up ether
as yes i do in fact get pain from doing simple things as holding the phone up or holding a book open, great isnt it!
tomorrow
i dont have any crafts i can be getting on with as i am waiting for the clay to arrive in the post
so i might do some drawing as i didnt do any digital drawing today, the pen drawing took over but theres no rush i guess. i will photograph my cushion
i might cut truffles fur tomorrow, she looks a mess and she loves it
adds to her attitude
mum keeps telling Oz off for eating her plants...Oz....such a git
hes so damn cute
im guessing the plants taste good in spring?
Evening~
Last night I could not sleep
just couldnt get off and then I was aching from laying there, Id been in bed since 9pm
it was about 1:30am by the time I dropped off, woke up at 3:30am in pain, felt sick and thirsty
so I got up, took some pain killers and stayed downstairs reading, playing my switch, watching jpop. Wasnt really feeling the need to sleep but knew I should
I went back to bed at 6:30am for an hour
safe to say I felt quite rough when I got up at 7:45am
This morning mum wanted to do a walk and I could have quite easily have not gone with her but I knew i should and I should just get on with it, and I did feel better for getting out
I came back and had a brew with my lad then I had a shower and went to bed i was tired
I got up and had lunch
postman had been and i got my fabric - a week late
and turns out it doesnt fit in with the design i had in mind so i put them away and im gonna go with fabric i already had in for the cushion, so technically i could have finished it last week but i wanted to be sure on these other fabrics first
i wasnt in the right frame of mind to sew today so i didnt
i was and still am, in a lot of pain
having an off day
so i have taken extra pain relief which has made me feel sickly and off
i did 30 mins of yoga to help with the pain and it did help a little bit i guess
i also did my physio exercises
so today i sat and worked on my first coaster design
i have done all the mangastudio work next it just needs to be photoshopped and its done
but im kinda pleased with it
its looking cute
i sent it jack and he thinks its cute and good ^^
apart from that I havent done much else really
my brother told me we have 3 more weeks of lock down so be about 4th may when i can see jack again which is gonna be hard but i will suck it up and get on with it
tomorrow i think im gonna have a walk to the shops with mum
i just want a few items from wilkos
and i wanna get out!
i will start the next coaster maybe and maybe do my cushion
apart from that same old probably
