slept for 10 hours :D

Yo~~n

I overdosed last night and was out like a light til 8:30am

it was good XD

I went for a walk with mum this morning

then did 25mins of dancing as thats all i could manage

i was dripping and exhausted but it is once again humid today

so hard to work out in humidity and no fans or AC

after I had showered I sent off the paperwork I needed to, to Jack

im hoping he has forwarded it on to solicitors by now

i changed my bed as well

sat with Oz who is looking and behaving like an old man

his fur looks old and he just sleeps he cant be bothered to come out his cage

and hes been like it a while now 

i dont mind, be hard to tell when he is getting old and slowing down tho XD

i slept this afternoon just cus my body needed rest really

then i got up and had a brew with mum

then did some sewing

ive just got to quilt the piece then its finished

i could have got it finished today but to be honest i had had enough

i have managed to eat today

tonight i was looking at home stuff

but annoyingly i cant order some stuff til i have the house

and/or i know how the house will function

tomorrow 

i will probably exercise at the crack of dawn as its gonna be like 31c and humid as hell

so we will all die tomorrow

i will probably get the piece im working on finished too i hope

also i think we are gonna bath the pigs again tomorrow, they could do with a wash and its gonna be warm anyway. I suggested bathing Oz, he has never had a bath in his 3 years of life but im wondering if it will help his fur quality cus it usually helps the girls's fur

so that will be fun....

i think currently we are on top of house stuff which is good

Jack's birthday tomorrow

Evening

I couldnt sleep my pain was too great
my pain killers did nothing
so I got up and was up til 1am
it was a bit dull as i wasnt in the mood to read and didnt have my switch
and i was restless
honestly i pushed myself yesterday to do exercise so i wouldnt ache
i try to help myself and it gets me literally no where
life is not fair at times

i was up at 7:30am
i went for an hours walk at 9am then sat for half hour then did 30mins of dance
then had a shower cus my god i needed it

i texted jack to see if he was alive for his gaming day with theo (theo had today off)
and if he had any news about the house
he asked me to print off a load of stuff from the solicitors and there was a lot, i daren't look at it yet tho, and he said he had been in contact several times with estate agents
so yeah things are moving again
just makes me sick to my stomach, food is not sitting right at all

I wrapped jack's presents up so theyre all ready
his snorlax presents i made during lock down and i even wrapped it in pokemon paper!

i managed lunch then went to sleep
got up and worked on my sewing which is going well actually
i sat home alone and ate my dinner and watched the last episode of Fleabag 
felt good to finish a comedy series, i want to watch now "what we do in the shadows"
i started watching it and havent finished it

tonight im gonna sit with Oz 
then go over to jack's
we probably wont do a lot tonight seeing as it is already 8pm
but tomorrow is his birthday! he will be 27~
so i will wake up with him on his birthday and we will go to a park, have a picnic and a walk then come back to his for a rest then go to his mum's for a BBQ
should be a nice day, we might watch a film in the evening too
i will be home some time wednesday
i just hope he enjoys his birthday and his gifts
im sure he will
its gotta be better than his birthday last year...me getting rushed to hospital in an ambulance cus i had drank alcohol stupidly. those with psychosis should never drink....
lesson well learned that day

sent my switch off

Evening

Yesterday I went to collect Jack
we spent the day together
we had lunch and dinner here
we did a walk and got all the paper we think the estate agents are after
and sent that over, so we are now on top of house stuff
we ate dinner outside which was french stick sandwich mum made us
Oz sat out with us and kept coming on the blanket for a nosey
i felt so much better for having Jack there
I had txted him friday night saying i think i will find the weekend hard
so i had actually asked for help as he keeps telling me to ask for help and i never do

we went over to his in the evening
on the way we called into Aldi for some milk - the same store i got Flump from
i was casually walking along an isle and i saw plushies
i said "look jack its the same brand as Flump" I picked one up think it was an owl
and under neath was a pink bunny one....oh my god i was so happy i about leap up and down XD
i was like "jack look!!!" he sighed and said "put it in the basket" i was sooooo happy X3
we didnt do an awful lot at night as i was quite dead at this point
dancing, two walks, and all day doing stuff is hard
i named the plushies Pearl as her given name was Fop and thats rubbish
shes not as big as flump but still very soft and squishy 
she is living on jack's bed, which is looking more and more like my bed....XD
so we were in bed for 10:30pm
and that was it from me i slept i was dead
jack said he didnt sleep that well too many idiots out side the flat but said everytime he looked over he saw me cuddling hammington

this morning we got up and ready and went to the shops
I havent been playing on my switch as my screen is so faulty now that i struggle to read the text on it. it hasnt been right since i brought it in february, and i thought maybe switch lite screens werent as good as normal switch screens so didnt think much of it, but its got progressively worse
i didnt know if anything could even be done, so i havent finished pokemon yet
jack keeps saying "it needs to go back to the shop" and i do have the recipt 
so i took it in today and the woman was very lovely and said it can be fixed by nintendo free of charge and should be back within a max of 20 days 
i said it was fine as i havent been playing on it anyway
she gave me some freebies too X3
so that was worth doing
i got back had lunch and a nap and went home
i was shattered it was hot and i thought id let jack game whilst i had a brew at home with Oz
so i came home and did just that

i did 25mins of yoga, had dinner and an hours walk
so i done some exercise even tho im shattered and quite pale

im still struggling to eat and things and suddenly feel anxious randomly
sometimes i feel like crying and yeah im just a bit mixed up right now
but i will get through it

tomorrow i am exercising then sewing
i will be going over to jack's in the late evening and sleeping over as its his birthday on tuesday
so i will wrap up his present tomorrow

not coping with house buying

Yon~

I have been at jack's since he came over the other day when we brought the house
we have since been in contact with estate agents, solicitors and such
its suppose to be exciting but i feel probably 25% excited and 75% overwhelmed and stressed
im not coping
im just not
ive cried - several times
im struggling to eat although i am trying hard with that 
jack is doing really well me bless him, he never gets annoyed or exasperated with me
hes just always there
the first night at jack's i couldnt sleep so he got up with me and made me tea and we had biscuits, i was stressed so my pain is BAD 
last night he couldnt sleep so i got up with him and we had tea again
we support each other which is what it is about really
i dont regret my decision on the bungalow at all
its just a lot you know? jack is so calm about it all and excited

we didnt do an awful lot the past 2 days
we did have take away which i tried to eat but i couldnt eat as much as jack and theo
we tried to get a joint bank account but you need a face to face appointment for that and the banks oddly enough are still unprepared and lack protection and therefor are not doing appointments and you can only open a joint account that way. so thats had to wait
i got him to ring his mum and tell her the news
she was dead pleased for the both of us and has invited us over for a bbq on tuesday which is jack's 27th birthday so that should be good

i had an appointment with nigel on the way home today
that was a bit punishing
but he said that maybe we could have his book shelves
since coming home dad has talked none stop about the bungalow and stuff
its stressing me out to be honest
i managed to eat dinner but after dad piped up i felt like bringing it all back up and still do now at 9pm. everyone is supporting us and telling us it will be ok and get sorted but yeah
its hard....

tomorrow not sure what im doing
ive told jack that if im left alone tomorrow i will probably just stew or cry or both
so maybe id like to see him but dont know what to do

i havent done any exercise today...
its been 32c today the hottest day of the year and also the most humid
the humidity is crazy, you walk from room to room and sweat, never mind going outside or anything
so i didnt even bother to attempt exercise today
ill catch up tomorrrow

Brought a house!

Our offer was accepted
we have brought our first house, well bungalow
most people feel excited
i struggle to keep food
i want to be sick, crawl in a whole and cry
its all too much
i have no idea what im even doing
solicitors? house survey? money?
who knows!

I currently have Jack on his way over
think he could tell i was at breaking point on the phone

My table!

Konbanwa

I went to bed at 9pm feeling tired and wanting to read in the quiet
but my god the pain i hurt so much that i came downstairs at 10:30pm
my parents were still up
i took another pain killer which was classed as over dosing and had a hot chocolate
i went to bed at 12:30 and kinda slept
i think i was tossing and turning a lot 
i got up at 7:30am

I had the house to myself til 1pm
I sat and built my table - well screwed the legs back on XD
it looks good tho! its finished

i like the contrast of the wood and magazines
i like the matt finish too

so at 9:30am i bathed the girls by myself
such well behaved little piglets
cus yeah they smelt and were grubby and now they fluffy and soft ^^
they were so good they didnt fight or squeak
just let me get on with it, i dont think they mind bath time to be honest
i put them outside it was sunny and windy = perfect drying conditions
i left them outside whilst i did an hours walk

i came back and had a quick sit then did 25mins of dance
i couldnt do anymore i was exhausted
i got to my room and realised i had a missed call on my phone from jack
so i phoned him back whilst dripping with sweat
he said the offer of £212,000 on the house was turned down - surprise surprise
the estate agent said that the owners wont take any less than £220,000
its on for £220,000
so jack told them he would talk to me and have a look at our finances 
he just wanted my permission for the go ahead, and i told him that was fine i was happy to increase our offer and to ask if they will throw in some or all the furniture
i wished him luck with his first driving lesson

i had a shower and waited for mum to come home
and had lunch with her and a brew
i got the pigs out for her and we sat and had lunch with them
so fluffy and sweet

i drew out a design for a wall hanging i am thinking of making
then i fell asleep for 2 hours would you believe!
i waited for jack to finish his lesson, he rang me near enough as soon as he'd finished
he felt much more better about driving and liked his instructor so on the whole it did go well!
i was relieved, and hes booked another lesson for next week!
speaking of next week, next tuesday is jack's birthday!
he told me he placed the offer of £220,000 and we now just need to wait to hear back from them
be amazing if they did accept this offer i must say, saves us house hunting for one!

i had dinner
and had brief talk to my dad about money and told him about the house offer
when i finished talking i went away and thought about it
mum found me and said i was very quiet - apparently people know when something is up with me as im quiet, im guessing i must be loud and noisy 99% of the time!
i said "im alright"
she said "no youre not spit it out i will get it out of you"
damn it all
i just told her i was a bit scared about it all and its a big thing i dont know what im doing and i just need reassurance im doing the right thing sometimes, i do feel im doing the right thing but yeah its stressful as hell. house buying is hard
especially when you have no idea what youre doing!
but we have plenty around us to guide and help us luckily
we are far from our own on this

might just cut out a bit more of sewing stuff then call it a night with the lad on my knee
tomorrow me and mum are seeing Karen hopefully!
we havent finished arranging it all tho yet
but im looking forward to it and i hope i can do my exercises in the morning before hand

Put our first offer on a house!

Yo~n

I couldnt sleep I was aching and restless and felt so so sick
I got up at 11:30pm as i started scratching
I was up til 1am, two bowls of cereal and pain killers later, i was playing pokemon
wasnt all that bad I guess

I woke up at 7:30am
i wasnt hungry after eating so much cereal in the night XD
but my god i needed yet more painkillers
I waited til i was home alone and did 35mins of yoga followed by 25mins of dance
didnt stop at all not even for a drink
i wasnt too knackered ether actually
quite enjoyed it
i had my music blasting so i didnt need to listen to my joint click and crack

i had a brew with mum and Oz then lunch
then popped for a shower and went to have a hair cut! my 2nd hair cut of the year!
i had never met mum's hairdresser before but she was fine
and her room in her house was really good actually
so i waited for mum to have the foils put in her hair, god i had to sit and hour for that
i wanted to murder anyone for a pain killer
then she cut my hair
i said to her to take off what she needed to in order to make it healthy again, thinking id lose at least 1 inch of growth but no, she hardly took anything off. and showed me the back of my head - something i never ever see - i was shocked at the shear mass of hair i have!!
it felt good to be trimmed
i walked home leaving mum to have her hair washed and cut

Throughout the day I sorted my table
i applied a seal then 3 coats of matt varnish, so its all done! just needs the legs reattaching
i like it, its certainly different and weird XD

i had a brew with mum when she came in
jack txted me to say he had been hospital and the nerve in his leg was just damaged and should heal but he needs further nerve tests. he had also placed an off on the bungalow!!
its on for £240,000 but we've placed £212,000 as its been on the market 7months, the roof leaks and has damaged the inside, its got damp, the walls are cracked both inside and out. Yet we still like it! its also beyond old fashioned. our bid will probably be rejected but we have to start somewhere. we are prepared to raise it if need be

i had Oz with me and fell asleep on the sofa
woke up about an hour later, moved and found Oz where i left him....
he hadnt moved at all. I looked at him cus i thought "hes still alive right?"
and yeah he was
just a very lazy bunny or very well behaved XD

i tried doing some designing tonight but it wasnt happening really
i did buy a couple more things for the house
did some dance practice

tomorrow
got no plans not even any crafting!
but tomorrow Jack starts his driving!!!!!!!!! my god, only waited over a year for this moment