acquired my dressing table

 Konbanwa~

Last night did not go well for me

I was alone as Jack was gaming online with harvey and theo which is fair enough, I had my normal night routine and went to bed reading in the cold bedroom. I couldnt sleep tho as I had such awful stomach ache. I mean I had stomach ache from eating my dinner but it just got progressively worse I was just tossing and turning in bed trying to find a comfy position to lay on. It got to 11pm and Jack came down and saw me, said he was having a quick break. I said I was cold and he put the heating on which helped then he went to game again. I got up in the end and took pain killers that rotted my stomach and I just felt like death, laying for an hour on the living room floor. Thinking quite dark thoughts...by 1:30am I got up and then jack appeared. I just walked past him and went to bed. I slept then but it was because I had pain killers and a sleeping tablet. I woke up at 9am so  I was late for Oz

All the morning I had lost the will to live. Lost the ability to care. I just wanted to curl up and forget the day, the world. But I knew I couldnt. So I got dressed and me and jack went food shopping which was nice and quiet. We got back and I let Jack unpack I just crawled up on the bed, i was cold and low.

He came and read next to me, he knows when not to pester me and just let me be as I work my way through it eventually.

We had lunch then went over to mum's for a shower

Mum came back with dad and I told jack he could go home as I would go collect my dressing table with my parents. So he went and i went to lay on the sofa, mum came to sit next to me and I just started crying. Well not crying as such, just tears were flowing. Mum said "is that how you feel?" she hugged me and said "I could tell you weren't right" we just sat talking about houses, relationships, life. You know - the usual XD I just let the tears flow. I felt a bit better.

Then at 3:45pm we set off in dad's van to go collect the dressing table

we found it really easily and the guy was really nice ^^ he helped us get it in dad's van

I was well impressed with it. I havent had a proper look as we came and dropped it off into the garage and it is rather cold in there >< however I plan on working on it in there for the start as I have got to sand it down a bit. I should take before and after photos huh

I stayed home then and talked to jack a bit, he had been working on admin for the house whilst I had been out. We sat with Oz in the living room with a brew. 

Then I made us noodles and we sat watching Shakugan no shana, so I feel a bit more in a routine. Now I am doing my diary whilst jack is gaming behind me. He will be gaming for a while

My evening is going to consist of me doing some yoga with Ozwald and fussing him, then I will do my nails and maybe do some drawing? Not entirely sure about the drawing bit I will see how I feel.

but I certainly need to do stretching as I havent done any exercise. I wasnt feeling it and wasnt in the mood ether to get cold.

so yeah I guess I will pass the evening somehow!

Tomorrow I am hoping to go on a dog walk with mia, I was able to go on a walk with her last monday and it really did me some good actually so i am hoping we can do the same again. Then I will go to mum's for a shower and then I guess do some actual work! I have scientists to draw you know.

I have asked jack if he will make the soup for lunch whilst I am out.

we should have both matt and the electrician over tomorrow. So depending on the noise level i might work at mum's, not sure yet. I cant always leave jack here it doesnt feel fair but depends what I can cope with. After the working hours are up I hope to make a bit of a start on my dressing table :D be nice to do something creative that isnt digital drawing

I hope i sleep tonight, everything is much worse and harder to handle when youre shattered and in pain -_____-

won my dressing table

 Evening

I had a bad night, after I had watched Inuyasha with Jack we went to bed and he cuddled me ^^

which i was glad of as the room was bloody freezing. God that bedroom is cold. The bedsheets actually feel damp when you get in. I cant wait to change the radiator in there!

I kept waking up, a lot of the time to the sound of jack clamping his teeth together and grinding them, which isnt like him, yes he does the odd clamp down but he doesnt grind. I wasnt sure whether to wake him up or not. then at 3am I woke up to it AND needed a wee so I got up and I was up then, pain killers and such followed and at 3:30am jack got up to me. I sat with him I had a cup of tea and cereal XD had my breakfast at 4am really! We put the heating on as the house was just so cold! 

I woke up at 9am, I had had a dream where mia had lost her two dogs and I went out searching for them and turned into a wolf (its always a wolf) and went seeking them out, found them and was having a playful dog fight with them, then a big wolf came over and started to try and mate with me, so naturally i wasnt having any of this and put him in his place. This turned into a proper wolf fight -____-

I always dream about this kinda thing ><

but this morning I felt kind of out of it, like I hadnt taken my antidepressant when I know I had. I kept popping into the bedroom to see how Jack was and he was just groan my name...so I left him to it and went to mum's for a shower. I rang jack afterwards and he had only just got up....really enjoyed a lay in huh. But I was glad I had left him to it instead of getting him up. 

I came back home after I had sat with Ozwald

me and jack had fruit loaf for lunch then went for a walk. I wanted to do a big walk but my body wasnt up for doing such a task >.> 

when we came back I crawled to my bed, but got up at 2:30pm to bid for my dressing table which I can safely say I won! got it for £52! well happy

then I just laid around I felt really down and wanted my Oz who was still at my parents house. Jack was gaming he did come into check on me and tried to motivate me and offer to do things with me but i just didnt want any of it i just needed to be alone in a way. 

Later we decided to pop out to the shop for a few bits but also for some paint so i can redecorate the dressing table as I want it bright colours and covered in manga pages. 

from there I let jack drive us to my parents house as he hasnt driven in about 2 weeks so we both thought he needs to keep the practice up even if it was only a 5min drive.

when we got there jack had a shower, I saw Oz and then I helped with dinner, had dinner, sat with Oz and had some cake mum had made in the afternoon, then we came home with Ozwald. Jack practically ran off to go start his computer up as I said to him he might as well go game on his saturday night as I am never up for much really. Im tired and not in the mood to do a lot at night. I function in the morning and it seems unfair making him go to bed early on weekend with me. So he is up there gaming and I am just doing my diary alone in the living room. fun. its 9:30pm so I will probably take my meds and go to bed.

Tomorrow

think we are doing our weekly sunday shop

then I will go to mum and dad's for a shower, the novelty has truly worn off XD then unsure what we will do the rest of the day really. Nothing planned. Its cold and muddy everywhere, shops arent open to browse round and you cant see anyone. it is a very dull, long, hard winter.

im hoping tomorrow my dad will go with me to fetch this dressing table as i need his van, i dont think it will fit in my car...

Out of date sleeping tablets work!

 Konbanwa~~

Evening all~

Last night I discovered in my parents medicine cupboard a.k.a. my old drug spot, a packet of Nightol it had gone out of date last May but meh who was I to judge. So I decided to have one cus I was desperate to sleep and would literally try anything. I went to bed at 9pm and it didnt take me long to get to sleep. Next thing I knew I woke up cus I could hear noise downstairs and I thought "what could be making that sound in these hours?" I thought it was like 2am. But noticed I could hear the radiator one so it must be pass 6am. I looked at my clock and it was 7:20am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had slept through the night!!! So the noise I could hear was dad downstairs. But it only felt like I had been a sleep a few hours. Must have been a good proper deep sleep. I felt soooo much better for it too!

I caught Oz playing in the remnants of the snow this morning XD

Mum went for a walk with a friend and was gone a while. I had a shower then started to work on my next scientist. I made a good dent in it as I struggled with the start

I was also struggling to sit, i was aching and felt like i needed to move around, I didnt want to leave the house without mum coming back so I waited and when I heard her voice outside I got my coat on and got ready to go a walk with Jack. We walked over an hour in the cold >< I was quite done in afterwards to be honest. It took a while to thaw out as well. I had tea cake and a brew when I came in.

The afternoon consisted of me drawing and also looking online

I ended up buying a fox mosaic mirror potentially for the bathroom, if it goes then it is going in there but not sure if it will go yet cus its a bit unusual. I dont want my bathroom to be traditional but i also want things to go and look good. But this mirror caught my eye and if it doesnt go in there i will have it in my craft room. Speaking of my craft room, i havent designed how I want it yet but I do know that I want a dressing table in there as thats the only place I will have to do my make up and hair - when those days come back as I havent bothered once since corona! 

So I had a look online and I have found a solid oak dressing table in my area for only £18 (current bid) theyre usually £200 new. This one is far from new but I showed it mum and jack and said I would love to do it up and have it all bright colours and maybe put manga pages on it or something. They support it and it comes off tomorrow at 2:30pm I hope  I win it as it will be good to have a project to work on.

Jack came over and we had a brew then I booted him in the shower. We talked a bit and then had dinner. Sat with Oz then we have come home! I have returned home! Without Oz tho, he's coming back tomorrow. Tonight me and jack are gonna watch Inuyasha with hot chocolate and go bed.

Tomorrow, in the morning I am going over to mum's for a shower, as yes I forgot to mention! The 2nd bath turned up today and matt opened it upon delivery and noticed that this one too was marked!!! how annoying and unfortunate is that!? matt was fuming. rightly so as the bath is the starting point he literally cant do anything without that bath. A new one wont be here til monday. meaning we wont be able to wash here for a few more days :/ 

so yeah I am going over to mums for a wash then unsure what I am doing after that it depends on the weather. But in the evening we are having dinner over at mum's so  I am bringing Oz back with me then. 

On other news I believe I have knocked my jaw out of alignment once again. But on the other side. My left jaw is very painful to eat on and to open my jaw fully to yawn. Last time nigel used acupuncture to put it back in which was a huge relief. But nigel is abroad T^T

it might be better tomorrow? who knows

just more to pain to put up with. I still have a bit of stomach ache when I eat and my nails I realised today have got ridges in them. Just like they did when I was really poorly so that somewhat depressed me. 

Finished Mendeleev

 Konbanwa~~

i couldnt sleep last night, despite having a hot chocolate before bed and putting my plushies back on my bed. I just couldnt switch off. My mind was going and in turn that was making my heart beat out of rhythm. So once I heard my parents come to bed at 11:30pm I decided to get up for a bit. I overdosed as I fed up and went to bed just before 1am

Next thing I knew it was 9:30am 0.0 jeez that is late!! Mum left  me a txt message saying "you were sleeping really deeply, didnt want to wake you" glad she didnt actually as it was nice to sleep through the night even if i was late to bed.

There wasnt anything good in for breakfast :/ so i went without

then decided I wanted to dance, as it was snowing outside so yeah I knew I wasnt going to bed getting a walk in today so I danced and did a bit of stretching/yoga. Did this for 40mins. I was dripping with sweat as usual. I video called jack whilst sweaty and when he picked up the phone i shouted "Jo is sweaty!" he was like "I just answered the phone right near matt" XD all well 

Mum came home and I made her a brew then went for a much needed shower.

I had left over spaghetti bolognaise for lunch which was good.

Been working on my Mendeleev picture today and finally got it finished!!!!

Woop another old scientist done. Doing some Dorothy woman tomorrow.

But I am pleased with how it turned out. I used a few elements in the periodic table to secretly spell 'teach'

 

After I had been working on my picture, and the snow wasnt letting up, i went outside with Ozwald for a quick play in the snow. We were outside for 15 mins. He was all giddy and cute and enjoyed himself then sat on the wall and started cleaning his feet then he just stared at me. I took that as Oz having enough of the cold wet snow. I brought him in and warmed him up and I had a hot chocolate next to him.

Later on I walked over to the bungalow, surprising Jack as he didnt know I was coming over. He had cleaned the living room and done a great job ^^ I was pleased with it and with him. The bath was suppose to go in today but it arrived with a mark on it which isnt noticeable really, but I guess when youre paying all that money and looking at it for 10+ years, you want it right. So its going back and hopefully a new one will turn up tomorrow! but matt couldnt do anymore and went home at like 11am must be annoying for him. Jack got his stuff ready and we walked in the snow back to mums, he asked why i didnt drive and i said "i enjoyed the time outside with Oz its nice making the most of the snow and getting some air when youve been in front of a screen so long"

when we got to mum's we had a cup of tea to warm up, my trainers were soaked XD but luckily i wasnt soaked as mum made me wear her coat :3 jack then went for a shower and i helped with the dinner.

after dinner jack left pretty quickly for his gaming night

i went to B&Q with mum and dad to look at stuff but we werent impressed and soon came away. We basically got cold for no reason! and now I just washed my face and massaged my face with my new vibrator XD haha it came today and it really rattles your skull! but i am hoping it helps with circulation in my face and my dark circles. I can try. Mum got hers today and had a go and she enjoyed using it on her face and said it hurt her a bit but maybe she was pressing on too hard? 

I am gonna get Oz now and then go bed. Have my last night here, hopefully.

I dont care which house, just as long as I sleep!! T^T 

Could have a bath by friday!?

 Evening

Once again I didn't sleep through the night! It's so annoying, my sleeping has gone tits up >.>

Woke up at 1:30am and had to get up due to aching and feeling sick and needing a wee

This morning after I showered I got on with my work

I was going to go for a walk with Jack but it has rained ALL day

We popped down to B&Q for something for matt and to look at mirrors

as I was offered to have an LED mirror in the bathroom, I have never seen one in action so wondered if any was out on display. But no :/ showrooms arent open ether to go and view. I have no idea why you cant walk round their showroom but you can walk round their shop? does Covid prefer showrooms?

We got back to mum's and had lunch then I took Jack back over to the bungalow to work. I did 40mins of yoga as my joints needed to move >< then I had a rest and then continued with my drawing. Jack came over for a shower and dinner then I took him home, collected some more clothes and medication. 

Matt has told us we could be using our bath potentially on friday! This friday I could be having an actual bath!! *0* be a dream. My house is a mess. When I went over for Jack this morning I did find him cleaning the kitchen. He cleaned the surfaces, hoovered and then mopped the floor. He is keen to have me back home. He knows its stressing me out. I try not to even think about it but when I see it all like that its hard. My breathing instantly changed to the anxiety breathing when I got back to mums. I got annoyed and frustrated as its not fair, its amazing tho what control the brain has over the body.

As for the mirrors, we had a look online tonight at mirrors and I can not get over how expensive these lit up mirrors are. I havent got my hearts set on one and would be quite happy not to have one as I feel it becomes a feature of the room, when ours will just be placed next to the radiator simply to be used when I putting creams on my face :/ also it said that some are dazzling bright, some dont stop the 'anti-fog' so are constantly warm therefor burning electricity, some are motion sensored so they will come on all the time when you just pop in for a wee. I am not excited by them in the slightest. and someone please tell me why some have bluetooth!?  

I have said to Jack I will probably be back home with him on Friday. Cus then we can bathe there and hopefully he would have tidied up a bit more by then. I think mum has brought enough food in tho to last us the week! so we will be eating here this week. I do want to go back as I think it will help me sleep and its my house ><

tomorrow probably just another day of working really :/ same old

here is how far I got with Mendeelev

Started Mendeelev

 Evening

to say I had my bed all to myself last night, I didnt sleep any better

it took me a while to get off to sleep cus it was weird not having Jack there, guess I have gotten used to having him there. When I did eventually sleep my mum had two night terrors so shes screaming her face off -_____- I got up at 12:30am for a wee. Then woke up at 3:30am for another wee! So annoying! I was aching and didnt hold out a lot of hope for being able to get off to sleep but I did and mum woke me up at 8:45am, I was having a dream about being in a castle with other girls, we were to be ether brides or food for vampires in the castle, i was determined to escape. Mum woke me before I could escape >.>

I showered the sheer amount of sweat off me from the night, then I got to work, started my next picture which is Mendeleev, I have been working on him most of the day and got the outline finished

He's gonna be holding in his hand 3 periodic table squares which will make the word 'teach' Jack thinks I have done a great job, and mum thinks so too she said it made a change for me to draw a guy. I always draw girls! this is true X3

At 11:30am I walked over to the bungalow to go and inspect my workmen workmanship

it was good to see both matt and the electrician there. Matt was doing an amazing job and I talked to him about radiators, toilet roll holders, mirrors, who is getting what, what i need to get. Mum says I am right project manager XD I need to get hold of a toilet roll holder and a mirror. I can have a mirror with built in lights! i mentioned a blind cus i know jack will want one but i dont. so he can source that if he wants one. im hoping he will just forget about it tho.

The electrician was doing well, he said he just needed to get the living room and kitchen done then he would have sorted out all the lighting. But he wont be back now til monday. But we have stuff up and running for now :)

my house is a TIP. it is a sodding mess. I tried not to look. tried not to let it get to me.

me and jack went for a walk after all that and i was struggling to breathe,, i couldnt take a full breath in for whatever reason. I was panting like a dog. I got back to mum's and she commented on my breathing and I told her I just cant breathe, she said that it could be anxiety and stress. I know I get like this at school so yeah it could be anxiety and stress.

we had lunch together then Jack left to be at the bungalow. I stayed here and worked on my picture. i asked jack to put my marie curie picture on the science what's app group and all the science staff loved my picture :D they said how talented i was ^^

Jack came over for food and stayed a bit just for a catch up and a cuddle then I let him go as i knew he had gaming to attend to as I had said to him he may as well game tonight as I am gonna stay here again tonight as I think the stress of seeing the house the way it is, isnt good for me right now. So just gonna have another night here. But we will be showering and eating here for the rest of the week. Mum wants to do this for us so we dont stress. or me stress

So he's gone to game and all i have is my drugs to get me through the evening. I just dont want to think or feel. I just want to sleep. need sleep

tomorrow

probably go down to B&Q with jack for a mirror. maybe go for a walk then keep working I guess. I havent got much else going off.

on the plus side we have had the tiles delivered, the shower, the units and taps. So stuff is starting to come in and matt can get on with stuff

Marie Curie Done

 Evening

I woke up at 12:30am for a sodding wee, luckily I managed to sleep again, cramped up to Jack in the single bed. But woke up at 4:30am covered in sweat, needing a wee and a good stretch cus my god my joints were aching! So I was downstairs by myself, finally falling asleep at 6am and being woken up at 7:30am by my day blasting out videos on the computer as he still hasnt been able to grasp the volume control. Or fast forwarding videos for that matter

 -_____- I was shattered

This morning I started walking to Mia's parents house with Jack and we met her and walked to the bungalow, Jack said as he arrived that the tiles were being delivered which was good timing! He continued to stay there if there was any problems but it was freezing. I went for a good walk with Mia and her dogs which was nice and very much needed i have to say. Need to talk to a female

I let mia get off and I phoned Jack to say I was walking home and asked him what was the point in him being in the house and he did eventually decide to come back to mum's. He was frozen. He said the house is so cold. Poor house. I warmed him up with a mocha and I went for a shower to warm myself up!

We worked from home, fussed pets and things and then Jack had to go over to the bungalow but due to dosing myself up a lot i was not fit to do anything but lay on my bed and sleep. I was so tired.

when i woke up jack had returned from the bungalow and sorted stuff out. I had a cup of tea to try wake myself up a bit. Jack talked to me about the house.

Then I went to work on my picture for a bit for work, determined to get it finished but we broke off for dinner. Jack went to fetch milk from the shop I didnt want to go walk in the cold. When he came back he gathered his stuff and I gave him a lift to the bungalow. As basically power is back on for now. So we have heating. But due to the house not having heating for 4 days in winter it has gotten quite cold and damp and we have crap old radiators so its gonna take a few days for it to feel normal again, plus there will be a shed load of dust and mess. I decided to be selfish and have another day at my parents house as I need to warm, comfortable and not stressed at the sheer amount of mess my house has become. Jack said it wasnt being selfish, that I need to look after myself. He will be coming over for lunch and dinner and a shower anyway. He is simply going over so i can have a decent nights sleep as both him and mum are worried about my sleeping pattern going tits up. So he is alone in the bungalow but its probably for the best that someone is there.

Its just me and my chunk of a rabbit ^^ mummy has me all to herself :)

When I dropped Jack off, I felt bad for not doing all my working hours today so I have worked into my evening and got my first scientist finished! Marie Curie, I drew her holding radiative something

Next i have the old dude who invented the periodic table or something. he has a big beard anyway >.> I shall have fun drawing that -_____-

I managed to order a few things online for my brother's birthday in february. Mum's birthday present has arrived today so I just need to make her a card now :D 

its all guinea pig themed, the scarf with guinea pigs on that came today is so soft! knowing her she wont want to use it!

tomorrow

I will be here working, Jack will come over for lunch and then ether go back to the bungalow or stay with me or i might even pop over. Depending on the state of the bungalow depends if i stay over for the night as well. See how things are first.