JUst can't be bothered right now

 Evening

I dropped off to sleep around midnight and slept really well ^^

But this morning when I woke up at 8am

I just didnt feel right, I almost felt like I was coming down with something, Just felt off and exhausted and tired despite sleeping well. So all I did this morning was see to Oz, eat a load of biscuits with cup of tea and went back to bed. When I got up again at 10:30am I had a bath and I did feel a bit better. Whilst I was in the bath it had started snowing, it really really came down for a few hours but it was warm out so it wasnt able to settle luckily.

Can't say I did a lot this morning, it soon became lunch time and it stopped snowing so I asked Jack if we could go for a walk. He came with me but his breathing was bad cus of his asthma so we had a quick walk which was probably for the best as my breathing hurt and my legs hurt to walk. I got back home and crawled into bed with Hammington, I just couldn't be bothered to do anything I just wanted to be left alone to be honest. Jack looked concerned but left me to it

I was woken by my mother ringing, saying they were on their way back and could they call in for a brew i said it was fine. So my parents came in for a brew for a good hour. 

Once they left I decided to try and make something with my day and worked a bit more on my Hammington picture

just not in the mood to do anything tho I have to say. Not sure why. Just want to be quiet and sleep.

In about an hour's time we are going over to mum and dad's as we are having take away pizza

its mum's birthday on tuesday so she said we would have takeaway. Cant say I am looking forward to any of it as I wont be able to eat the pizza anyway! It will cripple me without a doubt so I am unsure what I will eat yet...

Tomorrow

going food shopping as usual and we have got to buy in stuff for me to start my diet on monday....cant tell you how much bad foods ive been eating today just cus i am making the most of sugar....ah sugar how i will miss thee. So yeah shopping tomorrow and a bit of housework and admin i think.

cant be bothered with it all to be honest

almost accident with acid

 Evening

Thanks to my selfish nerd, my slumber was disturbed when he selfishly came to bed after he'd finished gaming, honestly. So I ended up getting up with him at 11pm and had to take some pain killers >.>

It made things easier this morning not having to drop Oz off but it did feel weird not having him here, i prefer having him here to drop off certainly.

We got to school and we met Julia in the hall talking to the dept head, stood round was around 15 members of staff. Jack pointed out to the dept head that for the last 10mins a student in the room hasnt had his mask on....bodes well doesnt it when over 15 members of staff are in a room with 10 children and no one can spot the one child not wearing a mask for 10 mins. I couldnt see them from where I was stood.

But yeah Jack is still not happy about it all and thinks the school are operating illegally by forcing us to come into school to ether supervise children or test them for covid. He has asked for it to be in writing and then he will take the letter to his union....julia understands where jack is coming from but feels resigned to her fate as it were. Me, well I think for the sake of a few weeks and 2 days per week, im just gonna get on with it. There's like 10 kids in a classroom all sat away from you, i feel like i have just as much chance from catching covid from my weekly shop :/ besides when we come into school we can have covid tests if we like and the kids are tested every week without fail so theyre probably a lot more safer to be around than the people at our weekly shop! I just hope I have something to be getting on with as a lot my job doesnt really revolve around computer work or class room work so i really hope i can be getting on with something! just take my sketch book and paints in and pray to some god i have something to do! something creative!!!

So today we continued with chemical stock take and chemical make up

i was continuing with the acids, 2 of which i had worked with on wednesday

but a 3rd - Nitric Acid was new to today

Jack got it out the acids cupboard for me and placed it in a tray

later on in the afternoon when I got round to Nitric Acid I picked it up by the neck of the plastic bottle and placed it into the fume cupboard. I unscrewed the top then gripped the bottle to pick it up thats when I noticed that the usual hard plastic bottle containing the concentrated acid had perished. It felt soft whereas the plastic is usually hard it also then cracked...leaking acid all down my fingers. My god I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad I had gloves on otherwise i would be down the emergency room right now. I just turned to Jack in shock who was several tables behind me

"Jack quick, something is wrong! it's not right!"

he came running over

"what? what?" saw the liquid oozing out the bottle over my hand "shit"

we threw a lot of cat litter down which is great at absorbing liquid chemical and i threw my gloves away. The chemical had even gone a yellow colour whereas i only know it to be colourless. 

What surprised me most was that it was a brand new, never opened bottle. And it had gone like that. We transferred the acid into a glass bottle. Jack told me to leave acids for the day it was 2:30pm and after that shock and drama i was happy to leave it there. So i went to go talk to hannah and luke for half hour til jack finished his stock take for the day.

I dropped jack off home and went to mummy's for a cup of tea, a homemade cookie or two, a sit with the sows who had been bathed so were nice fluffy and soft, and to pick up my lad.

I got back home and did some chores whilst matt was finishing up for the day and then had a bath as i stunk of chemical and acid :/ also I hadnt bathed since last night so felt ready for a scrub

jack had a bath, we did dinner which of course gave me stomach ache. I did 25mins of yoga after we had sat with Oz in the living room. He just wanted us for food, that damn rabbit, hes so over weight >.> 

its 10pm! i had no idea of the time, probably have hot chocolate and watch inuyasha and go to bed

tomorrow no real plans

might dance, might start my dressing table, yeah just see how the day goes really~ 

Whether it like it or not

 Evening

I actually slept really well last night, Jack even got up for a wee in the night and it never even woke me! I was having very vivid dreams tho 

I got up and left for mum's at 8:15 as she was going out at 9am and I was gonna house sit in case the tiles were delivered. I sat with her before she went out tho :) she went out and I took my laptop up to my bedroom and continued to work on Dorothy Hodgekin, which I can say I got finished!!

She looks alright I think, just got 1 more person to draw then I can work on more of the display

at 10:35 I did half hour of dancing which i enjoyed and did quite well, I then did 10mins of stretching afterwards whilst i waited for mum to come home, when she arrived I went for a much needed shower

I had a cup of tea with her then went home at 12:30

I needed to get back

basically yesterday we support staff in the school which is about 10 members of staff, received a snotty email stating the school were after support staff to help supervise children in the school. So Jack replied with "me and my team are classed as vulnerable so I would prefer it if we didnt help out" besides we helped out last year 'shepparding' the children to different classes so its not like we dont want to help. But being asked to sit with children during these covid times isnt great i guess. To be honest I am actually fine with helping out, my 'concern' was being in a classroom all day - 6 hours - at a desk. As I can not sit there that long.

We received a reply today stating the head teacher had been informed and that we were to have our risk assessments updated today by having a teams meeting with the dept head! what a bitch! So instantly my stomach twisted with anxiety as I felt like I was being persecuted for having something wrong with me. Like I was in trouble or something.

Julia's meeting was at 12:30

Jack's meeting 1pm

mine 1:30pm

so I wanted to get back in time to over hear Jack's meeting XD

I sat next to him whilst the dept head video called him on teams, I said hello so she knew I was there. She said - that they need us to ether supervise children in the classrooms OR test the children for covid!! so its gone from yesterday's ASKING for help to TELLING us to help. And Jack pointed this out and said he wasnt happy about it. It isn't in his job description and he doesnt want to be near children, he doesnt want to supervise children, the situation hasnt been handled well, and he was taking it to his union leader.....

I could tell he was angry.....

She then asked to speak to me, so Jack passed me the tablet over and I had my meeting

she asked how I felt on the matter and how I feel about supervising children. I said that I was fine as I used to be a teaching assistant anyway, my concern was sitting all day. But she told I can move around and leave the room and such so I felt better about that and said I would help. She said that Julia was coming in tomorrow morning to see how everything was ran I said I would come in also (i knew it would help with my anxiety) she said I would be put on the rota for next week

we said our goodbyes. Jack looked like he could breathe fire. I left him for a while....then went to go check up on him. He had been emailing his union leader. He doesnt want to do this and cant understand why we cant just keep working the way we have to. That its gone from asking for help, to telling us. And the choice is supervision or testing. He just feels its wrong and they went about it poorly.

I rang my mum and let her know how we got on she said it wasnt good the way the school have handled that. 

I managed to get Jack out for a half hour walk thinking the fresh air would help him as he was very much stewing on it all. 

I had a bit of a rest on the bed in the afternoon and then did dinner which was just reheating leftovers. We do this on a thursday as jack has his nerdery online at 6ish so hes doing that right now. I usually get left for several hours by myself but the bathroom is a bit out of commission so I have asked mum if i can shower at hers, again, tonight then i will plate my hair so it takes the night to dry and hopefully it wont look too crap come the morning!

So I am off too mum's shortly and I am gonna take my Ozwald with me and he can have some fuss and things. Then I will bring him home and I will probably go to bed or something.

Tomorrow

we are getting up for school

jack has said that whilst we are at school we might as well do a full day >.> 

so depending on if julia stays we will ether continue with yesterdays work or i have other things i can be getting on with. Ether way I am stuck at school :/

we are of course dropping Oz off for daycare in the morning and picking him up after school :) 

20 litres of acid

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night

and woke up at 7am for a bath before work which was very nice and i made sure not to make it too hot as it takes me a while to recover from it

We took Oz over to mum's at 8:30am and went to school, jack drove

and basically my day consisted of clearing up the prep room in the morning

then making 20 litres of acid....

i swear i have made enough acid today to dispose of a few bodies...

it meant i was stood up for hours and lifting volumes of liquid

and i kept taking breaks but all in all i found the day very exhausting

i still have more acid and chemicals to make up would you believe

i was ready to leave

i was very pleased with my low anxiety levels but disappointed at my stamina

but jack said its my second day back in almost 2 months and not to beat myself up

on the way back we picked up our new towels from dunelm click and collect

then we went home to go collect mum's kitchen table chair as mum sent us a txt today to say jack's new £300 gaming chair had arrived. so mum's kitchen table chair was of no use to us. we dropped the chair off and picked up his. i say picked up. it did take two of us as the box weighed 30kg....

it was a bloody beast i was like "you ordered a throne or something?!" 

we picked up Oz as well and brought him home

then jack spent the next hour putting his new throne. sorry, chair together

its a beast

i mean it is very very nice but my god its just massive in everyway

hes very pleased and i was happy that he had brought himself something for a change instead of never spending his money really

his side of the study is very pink, i need to take a photo really

the packaging to the chair was immense i havent seen something so well through about for some time, i feel half the money went to the packaging but its all part of the experience i guess. its made by SecretLab and its a limited edition Overwatch one. so its bright pink with a bunny on it...course it is

after dinner which i threw a paddy about as it was taking too long and it was hurting me to keep standing, i had Oz out for a fuss and a play he was a happy boy

now doing diary then i will go have a soak in the bath and chill out a bit i think as i feel quite mental with life right now. then we will watch inuyasha and go bed i suppose

tomorrow i am getting up and taking my laptop over to mum's as i said i would be in the house whilst she out in case her tiles are delivered as we never got any time frame for ours and she hasnt for hers so it could come whilst shes out for 2 hours. so i will work from my old bedroom and then when shes back  i might use her shower :D then just work rest of the day i guess

not going into school til next wednesday

had an actual bath

 Evening

all despite shedding tears as I was in that much pain last night, i did get some sleep

We got up and after I said morning to matt I went over to mum's at 8:45am for a shower

i came back and made soup with Jack who was not feeling so great after his flu jab yesterday 

hes been headachy and off all day :/

after lunch I went for a walk in the rain with mum which i did enjoy and i think she did also

I came home and sanded down my dressing table, did some jobs and rested

in the evening we had our pulled pork on cobs with wedges, it was all homemade and very very good but i was spitting into the toilet 10mins after id eaten -_____- this paleo diet is ever looming on me as I am sick of putting up with my stomach and extra pain

After dinner and after I had recovered, I had my first bath in 6months and it was just amazing

i feel like I have had shed loads of pain relief, my muscles are relaxed and i just feel so much better it was just amazing. that bath really does do what it says on the tin, it retains it's heat! i was very hot, i had such a strong heart beat, my feet were pink and it was the most circulation i had had in months

i am very happy. it feels like christmas, but better

jack had the bath after me and was practically falling asleep in it, hes really happy with it

i will be having a bath before work tomorrow!

yes i am going work tomorrow which i am trying not to think about too much as it makes my stomach flip.

the bath is in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Konbanwa~

Me and Jack managed to watch an episode of inuyasha I even had hot chocolate :D

I got off to sleep well enough but woke up to turn on ether side as my ribs hurt, then jack got up for a wee and it woke me up and then I needed a wee too >< but I actually managed to get off back to sleep much to my surprise!

I got up at 7:25am in thinking we would have the electrician and matt over in the morning

but nether showed up :/

I left at 9am to go for a walk with mia which was really nice and we laughed loads, Rob has just made her a Steam account and shes been playing anime dating games XD trust her

I got back and collected jack so we could go over to mum's for a shower

we sat had a brew with her then came home for lunch, when we arrived we realised matt was over

and so was the bath! and I can confirm bath number 3 is in! thank bloody god. I can tell matt is relieved as well as he said he is 5 days behind where he would like to be

we had lunch, i fell asleep, I got up and did some actual work then took jack to my doctors so he could have a check up and be fully signed in at the surgery, he came back to the car saying whilst the nurse did his check up she gave him a flu jab, he wasnt please XD

we came home and I did more work and matt left around 4:30pm, mum popped over around 5pm on a surprise visit as she was doing her walk so i showed our bath. she was happy for us

also whats good is that shes been able to order the white version of our red tile. 

she left and I did a bit more of my science drawing before i made dinner which was tuna pasta. Which I can safely say killed my stomach off. I was in a ball on the sofa after that one

that diet is ever looming on me. 

jack sat with me, he was txtin his family who sent him a video of a white cat they are thinking of rehoming from RSPCA ^^ they obviously miss queenie.  so that was quite cute I hope they get it.

We sat with Oz who was doing daft jumps round the living room X3 happy bunny. thats the 3rd time he has been inside with us today bless him he loves it. 

Now just doing my diary and gonna do a bit more of my drawing as I did feel guilty not working as much during my working hours, heres how far i am

shes looking alright i guess

tomorrow

I CAN HAVE A BATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my god i can not wait. i heard matt filling the bath up today and I was so happy, my body longed to be in water and i think i would have got in the bath, clothed and all, given the chance

so yeah getting up early in the morning and having a bath before matt comes :D

then working from home really, said to mum might do a walk with her in the afternoon.

acquired my dressing table

 Konbanwa~

Last night did not go well for me

I was alone as Jack was gaming online with harvey and theo which is fair enough, I had my normal night routine and went to bed reading in the cold bedroom. I couldnt sleep tho as I had such awful stomach ache. I mean I had stomach ache from eating my dinner but it just got progressively worse I was just tossing and turning in bed trying to find a comfy position to lay on. It got to 11pm and Jack came down and saw me, said he was having a quick break. I said I was cold and he put the heating on which helped then he went to game again. I got up in the end and took pain killers that rotted my stomach and I just felt like death, laying for an hour on the living room floor. Thinking quite dark thoughts...by 1:30am I got up and then jack appeared. I just walked past him and went to bed. I slept then but it was because I had pain killers and a sleeping tablet. I woke up at 9am so  I was late for Oz

All the morning I had lost the will to live. Lost the ability to care. I just wanted to curl up and forget the day, the world. But I knew I couldnt. So I got dressed and me and jack went food shopping which was nice and quiet. We got back and I let Jack unpack I just crawled up on the bed, i was cold and low.

He came and read next to me, he knows when not to pester me and just let me be as I work my way through it eventually.

We had lunch then went over to mum's for a shower

Mum came back with dad and I told jack he could go home as I would go collect my dressing table with my parents. So he went and i went to lay on the sofa, mum came to sit next to me and I just started crying. Well not crying as such, just tears were flowing. Mum said "is that how you feel?" she hugged me and said "I could tell you weren't right" we just sat talking about houses, relationships, life. You know - the usual XD I just let the tears flow. I felt a bit better.

Then at 3:45pm we set off in dad's van to go collect the dressing table

we found it really easily and the guy was really nice ^^ he helped us get it in dad's van

I was well impressed with it. I havent had a proper look as we came and dropped it off into the garage and it is rather cold in there >< however I plan on working on it in there for the start as I have got to sand it down a bit. I should take before and after photos huh

I stayed home then and talked to jack a bit, he had been working on admin for the house whilst I had been out. We sat with Oz in the living room with a brew. 

Then I made us noodles and we sat watching Shakugan no shana, so I feel a bit more in a routine. Now I am doing my diary whilst jack is gaming behind me. He will be gaming for a while

My evening is going to consist of me doing some yoga with Ozwald and fussing him, then I will do my nails and maybe do some drawing? Not entirely sure about the drawing bit I will see how I feel.

but I certainly need to do stretching as I havent done any exercise. I wasnt feeling it and wasnt in the mood ether to get cold.

so yeah I guess I will pass the evening somehow!

Tomorrow I am hoping to go on a dog walk with mia, I was able to go on a walk with her last monday and it really did me some good actually so i am hoping we can do the same again. Then I will go to mum's for a shower and then I guess do some actual work! I have scientists to draw you know.

I have asked jack if he will make the soup for lunch whilst I am out.

we should have both matt and the electrician over tomorrow. So depending on the noise level i might work at mum's, not sure yet. I cant always leave jack here it doesnt feel fair but depends what I can cope with. After the working hours are up I hope to make a bit of a start on my dressing table :D be nice to do something creative that isnt digital drawing

I hope i sleep tonight, everything is much worse and harder to handle when youre shattered and in pain -_____-