Karen...

 Evening~~

We watched anime and stuff last night, then I checked my phone at 9:15pm. My mum had txt me at 8:30pm saying Karen had passed away peacefully and pain free.....jesus it had really happened. I couldnt really speak for a while as I knew id break out in tears and I didnt want to do that right before bed time. But I couldnt stop thinking about her, how much she did for me, and her poor family left behind....its awful. Such a beautiful soul. I had never met someone with such love and kindness for life. She taught me so much. She helped me so much. I am truly blessed to have known her. she truly was one in a million. I just cant quite get over that I will never ever see her again. Its a hard pill to swallow. Her poor family tho.....

I managed to get off to sleep even tho I was aching. I was under both the weighted blanker AND the duvet. I woke up at 1:30am dripping in sweat. I had over heated!!!! I woke Jack up and we were up for an hour whilst I waited for numerous pain killers to kick in

I slept after that til 8am, I left Jack to sleep he woke up at 9am. I was already with Oz and had breakfast

I let Oz play outside today even tho it was wet and cold and he appreciated playing out which was nice.

I had fallen back to sleep after breakfast >< Jack said maybe the work out I did last night was too big....

I got up at 11am and went on my phone for a bit and then spoke to my brother

We had lunch at 12:30pm

then we tackled something I knew Jack didnt want to do.....mount the Dyson bracket to the wall

that means DRILLING. Jack HATES drilling it fills him with anxiety and stress. Not sure why. So I supported him every step of the way even if he was a bit stressy >< 

But he did it!! such an achievement I knew he could do it ^^ he just needs confidence!

So the Dyson is good to go

then I worked on my jacket, finally......

I got it all cut out which took a fair amount of time

we had a brew together as Jack had been gaming

we had Oz in

my mum rang me saying she felt suicidal with my dad's company. She needed to hear a female voice

then had dinner around 5pm as I was hungry

Then I fell asleep after dinner but Jack woke me up and I did a work out. I chose a 45min long video but Jack told me not to do it all and so I only got to do 30mins >.>

I had a nice bath

now Jack is in the bath then hes gaming with Theo tonight, he wants a late night. So hes not coming to bed with me.

So I dont know whether to do some sewing or drawing before I settle down for the night.

I shall see how I feel

Tomorrow

mum is coming over in the morning for a brew. Dad will still be at home, she needs space from him....

apart from that another day to do hobbies I guess

weighted blanket

 Evening

So last night we tried the weighted blanket....Jack did not like it and didnt even attempt to sleep with it. I found it a bit crushing and I could not move it, its just far too heavy so I had to get Jack to position it on me. I slept on top of the duvet but under the blanket, however I know I had times in the night when I was cold in my sleep. 

But apart from that I SLEPT....maybe theres something in this weighted blanket

also what I found interesting was that I had gone to bed really quite achy, normally I would be up til midnight with Jack taking more pain killers but last night, I got off to sleep. That NEVER happens!!

I will be trying it again tonight~

We got up at 8am and I had a bit of breakfast Jack didnt want any XD

He kindly hung my pokemon pictures on the wall in my craft room and my cousins canvas

I took the christmas tree down, christmas is done with for another year woop!

we didnt have lunch and I went to bed, I was so frustrated!!!! I wanted to do stuff but my body was tired and achy and I couldnt think. Jack said to go to bed for an hour and then I will be good to go

so he put me under my weighted blanket and I soon dropped off

I was cobby when I woke up

I was so annoyed, i felt no better!!!

so I sat with Oz in the lounge as Jack gamed on his new game for 3 hours straight

I was unpicking a jacket I want to use the templates for with my new jacket and of course I was fussing the lad

I made some biscuits then microwaved our dinner which took a lot longer than I thought but hey it was easy I guess

Then after dinner I wrote my 2022 calendar, birthdays etc

now going to do a bit of drawing then do a work out! 

I want to get back into my weights, I am not strong. And not being able to move that 6kg blanket around is pathetic so I need to train my muscles if I am to get stronger.

I would like to get stronger in this next year.

oh here's my drawing so far

Tomorrow

no plans really so hopefully I will get more done, we are going to find some where to mount the dyson, we charged it up today but we dont know where to put it yet ^^;

 I will have another go with my weighted blanket tonight~

Christmas 2021

 Evening~~

I struggled to sleep last night so we were up til 1am cus of me ><

Just was aching bad, like growing pains

I did get off after several pain killers and getting up

I woke up at 6:30am tho T^T

I decided to wake Jack so we could put the lamb on to cook and he was fine with getting up, I offered to go back to bed with him but he said he was up now. So we started christmas at 7am

we had breakfast with Oz and I went back to bed for an hour then we opened stuff up with Ozwald. He really enjoyed it, chewing wrapping paper, pushing over presents, nudging us, jumping on boxes. Loved it and it was entertaining to watch. I went to clean his cage out whilst Jack tidied up the wrapping paper, Oz helped me clean out

mum dropped by and gave me a hug as she was already  having to take dad out for a walk at 10am...

We had an easy day, I mean I went back to bed again

But when I got up I said to Jack I needed structure and a plan of action with the dinner as I had no idea how to cook stuff - timings 

so we wrote down timings and then we said we would go for a walk together

so we did a cold hours walk we came in and had a cup of tea then began our hour's battle with dinner and it was all very successful everything was cooked and we served it up without it going cold as well. We just did really well.

we watched another episode of darker than black whilst eating, no christmas films in this house XD

then cleared up and at 6pm we are going over to my parents house for presents and cake. I want cake but lord knows where it will go. We are both so so full.....I want cake tho. I dont have stomach ache I am just very full. Think my stomach has gone into shock DX

Oz has been sleeping for ages, think hes tired bun after this morning

We will come home and have a bath then ether watch anime or just play pokemon in bed see how tired we are I guess. I bet there will be time for anime tho

Everyone was pleased with their gifts ^^ so I was happy about that

Jack got me a mini bunny plush, kitty head phones that light up! christmas candles

his mum got me a bunny water bottle and a matching pouch, nail varnish and a bunny mug 

his sister sophie got me some sakura hair clips which are cute

his sister chrissy got me a diffuser 

his brother tom got me stuff from lush

my cousin Remi did me a printed canvas of her digital art work!!!

mia got me a nine tail fox creature on a coaster, ginger bread earrings, 

tara made me 2 pokemon card resin coasters theyre fantastic, nail varnish, a stitch pouch, 

my mum brought me a weighted blanket! something I have been looking at for a while but wasnt sure whether to buy one as theyre not cheap! and its a lovely blush colour and so soft! I am going to try it out tonight! she got me some bath bombs and then from my parents we got a V8 Dyson hover.....mother of god man...finally I will be able to do some hoovering as I cant move ours its just too heavy. Jack struggles with it as its just hard work

my brother got me some washi tape and other embellishments for scrapbooking

so yeah a lot of good gifts *0* 

I normally take photos but I chose not to this year.

I want to go rest in bed with my weighted blanket. Its suppose to be good for sleep

It's christmas eve and I feel ok~~~

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night so we were up til midnight -______-

but I slept after that and woke up at 8am, plenty of time to get ready

I put on a cute top, shorts and tights and Jack said I looked cute ^^

He drove us there

we were with his aunt, uncle, brother, sisters, step dad, mum, nan

I was sat by the window with Jack -cold but safe

they all had sausage or bacon cob but no one made a fuss about me not eating much to my relief

I was really grateful of that

I did eat some biscuits :) I had a cup of tea

I spoke with everyone and made the effort to talk to his brother as we hardly get to see him

they exchanged gifts, we had to open the ones from his nan. She got Jack a jumper and me some outdoor bunny ornaments but not sure if they will make it to outside XD

His aunt and uncle gave us £20 each which was nice of them :) to say its the second time theyve met me

and we stayed for 2 and a half hours and we left when his aunt and uncle did.

It was nice, I enjoyed it

I didnt come away feeling absolutely drained ether

we got home and I had lunch, Jack didnt bother

I then said I was really pent up, I needed to move!!! i had been sat all morning and it was literally killing me so we went for a walk but not a massive one as I still had stuff to do so I needed energy and I was starting to tire.

He left me at the bottom of mum's road and I went to see her

I got to lick the bowl out, have some warm sponge cake and painted mum's nails

she appreciated me coming round ^^

I got home and rest 40mins with Oz then cleaned the bathroom

then I cooked my breakfast meats, then did the dinner, then died of the dinner time tummy ache which seems to be a regular thing lately

when I got up I went for a shower and now I am in new pyjamas as jack's mum gifted us both with a pyjama set which is a yearly tradition in their house

so I think we will watch anime and play pokemon in bed

I feel pretty good but a bit worn out but to say how much I have done and how much ive been doing I am actually doing really well

I am sad that its another day of doing nothing for myself and giving myself to other people but hey its life i guess T^T

could be worse, Mia txt to say she has covid so thats ruined her christmas, birthday, and birthday party. 3 days ruined for her. she must be livid. especially as she went out her was on monday to get her booster before christmas. 

so tomorrow is christmas

we're slow cooking lamb and making a christmas dinner at some point! should be good! Then in the evening we are seeing my parents for cake~ apart from that just be a day with the bun, he is gonna love opening everything!!

Both headachy from the vaccine

 Evening

I managed some digital drawing last night but im not sure how it will turn out yet!

We played pokemon together in bed but instead of being cuddled up with one another we were turned away from one another - like we had had an argument or something! But it was because we had sore arms!

I slept tho ^^

Which surprised me as I spent a lot of time in bed....

When we got up we put the korean stew in the slow cooker...dont know what it will be like. i think it smells weird but jack says it smells nice

This morning we were both really headachy. My head felt like grand canyon trying to form in my head and my head has pretty much hurt all day Jack seems ok after taking paracetamol 

I suggested to go for a walk to clear our heads this morning so we went for an hours walk at 9:30 which was nice and as we got in it was starting to rain so good timing! We had a cup of tea when we got in. But that walk wiped me out! jesus. I was done

my mum came over at 11am and she had a cup of tea and wrapped my brother's 1 present she had stored over here as it was too big for her to store secretly at hers. We all ate lunch together including Ozwald

then mummy left us and I put Oz away as I wanted to get on with some chores which ended up just being dusting for me. I did one window but as I had my right arm jabbed I really struggled so I got Jack to do the other window in the bedroom. I dusted bedroom, hall, living room, craft room. Jack then hoovered up. So we have tidy house for christmas. I will clean the bathroom tomorrow and I will give Oz his usual saturday clean, just because its christmas doesnt make it any different. My boy still needs clean home~

I flaked out on the bed and fell asleep for an hour >< wasnt the plan but yeah I had flagged

I got up and had a cup of tea with Oz and Jack

then went on my laptop watching idols

Now I am gonna do noodles to have with the dinner. I find that odd, stew + noodles. But I want to try.

Then we will have a shower later~

tomorrow

in the morning we are going over to jack's mum's for 10am and shes doing a 'breakfast' we dont know what this entails but I have been stressing about this so Jack said I will have breakfast as normal with my meds in the morning then if I want anything at his mums I can or can just have a cup of tea. She wont mind. So pressure off. But his brother, nan, aunt and uncle will be there >< hope they dont think I am weird or difficult. I will maybe wear something cute or just go in comfy wear I shall see how I feel tomorrow.

Then just bathroom to clean

stressful booster

 Evening

I was up til midnight with jack as I was stressing about jab as of course I was

I was also stressing about having breakfast at his mum's on friday

I did eventually get off to sleep but kept waking as I was cold. It was -2c last night!!!

This morning we got up at 8am and had a rush round to get out the house for our jab appointment at 9:10am. However what was the point of an appointment!?

we may as well have gone a walk in centre...

we joined a snaking que that was literally playing musical chairs, we had to keep getting up and moving down the chair line. And what a line....we were waiting almost an hour......

But what made things worse was that no one was socially distanced, we were sandwiched next to one another, no window or door open and the air con was on

SERIOUSLY!?

we've been so careful with covid but felt like we were going there to literally catch it not get a jab for it

eventually we got called up and jack told the nurse that im prone to fainting so I got special treatment with Jack XD a doctor did us in her room away from everyone and I got to lay down having it

we then went to the shops for our last shop before christmas, I had brought a sweet biscuit with me to revive me and I somehow got the job done. It was soooo busy but as we only needed a few bits we were very fast and got out quick

We got home at 11am and from then til 7:30pm Oz has been inside!!! I knew he wouldnt want to play out today and Jack has been in the living room all day so they have been together in there

I have been lazing on my bed

just one of those day I need mental and physical rest and to write the day off

we had a shower and dinner 

and yeah ive done no exercise or anything today

literally monging out on my bed which is what was needed -_____- waste of a day

I just hope that we are ok tomorrow after jabs

so far we feel fine just a bit achy arm

tomorrow mummy is coming over in the morning ;)

made 3 christmas presents today

 Evening

After taking 18 zapain....I about conked out....

So I was in bed for 8pm as I was so tired, I took my final tablets of the day and it finished me off! I was playing pokemon in bed and I couldnt keep my eyes open. I vaguely remember Jack coming to bed which would have been like 9:30pm. I then fell asleep til 8:20am....Jack said in the morning, that I spoke something that didnt make sense when he came to bed then just fell asleep XD yeah I dont remember that! Jo was drugged....I just needed a day without pain

This morning I told Jack to let Oz outside rather than bringing him inside as it was light out

but Oz sat on his fort - his way of saying " I wanna come in!" he didnt even do toilet outside he wanted to be on his warm blanket and do toilet >.> spoilt bun. He also wanted his morning carrot...

So after all that I put him outside and he sat on fort again so I went out to him and he almost leapt up me. I brought him inside and told Jack that he could be with Oz whilst he did his wrapping. 

All I could hear was Jack talking to Oz and telling him how much of a pest he was

he walked all over wrapping paper, pushed gifts around, chewed wrapped presents....beast >.>

I on the other hand was in my craft room, sewing!

when was the last time I did any sewing!? 

I made dad a mask for christmas not that he asked for one but mum said he lost the only one he had which was one I had made for him. I know mum would prefer it if he had a mask instead of using disposable ones. I also made mum her bumbag shes been wanting for ages. She doesnt use it in the winter so I havent sweated about getting in done and asked her if I could make it for her christmas present and she said it was fine. It tested me a bit as I had to think about it but I actually got it right and it came out ok. She can wear it ether side and one side is guinea pig fabric the other is bunny fabric.

I am sure she will be dead pleased with it. No other reason than it has guinea pigs on it. I have NEVER in my life come across guinea pig fabric but I randomly found some on ebay a year ago and hid it away, not telling mum. I cant find that fabric online again, really weird. So I only have a small piece left. I cant wait for her to see it ^^

we went for an hours walk and ended up at mum's for a cup of tea as she was going to come to us anyway. I saw my brother for a bit too.

then we walked home, I have started cutting out a mask for jack, he could be doing with one more mask. So I will make it for him as an extra for christmas it will be bunny fabric! Im sure he will like it X3 I will finish it in bit when my Oz has gone home for the night.

I had a shower before dinner as I couldnt stop sweating and I was just feeling grim

did dinner

and just with Oz now as Jack is gaming with theo. He said hes gonna come off around 8:30 so we can watch anime and play pokemon in bed as hes missed doing that with me. 

Im hoping to finish his mask before he comes downstairs

tomorrow

I dont want tomorrow >< got my booster at 9:10am then were going shopping straight from there T^T we dont need much so if I cant do it I can wait in the car whilst Jack shops. It is an option. Mum should be shopping the same time as us so may bump into her

so tomorrow is jab really and recovery T^T