made a crime scene

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, I hurt too much to sleep -____- i didnt wake Jack up as I didnt want him to be tired for his job interview. So I was up, by myself, til 1am. I was shattered

I managed to grab some sleep but no where near enough

We both went to school but Jack left me in the car park to go get the tram to the city centre

I went into school

I made a little crime scene in the corridor which I quite enjoyed doing actually. It was creative and made a change for me. took me 90mins too. I had a cup of tea with Julia but god Julia told me her life story I feel. She did not stop talking for an hour. And when youre shattered its hard to pay attention and look interested. I just wanted sleep I was fighting to stay awake. 

I made some fake vomit for class and tested it and that was my morning to be honest

I left for home and Jack said he had finished his interview by this point

we got home within half hour of one another and had lunch and Jack bought us a Doughnott each. We shared one after lunch we are gonna share another after dinner

I went straight to bed for almost 2 hours. I was so damn tired. It was near 4pm when I woke up!

we had a brew and then I sent jack to go order new pokemon games I want to get mine before they sell out!!!

We will have dinner which wont take much cooking as I have cooked most of it already

then I might go on just dance or do a grow with jo not sure yet, then bath and stuff

just wanted to get my diary done out the way whilst i am waiting round to do dinner

oh and Jack didnt get that job, he said someone else was farrrrrr more qualified than him for the job he was disappointed as he said the school looked amazing to work at and even kept a bearded dragon. Bless him, back to the drawing board. I need to start making an effort to look for a new job, i can maybe face it now? i am not sure to be honest.

tomorrow

is school, we have the year 8s i believe today but i cant remember what we're doing with them. hopefully nothing too stressful. 

i just hope i sleep tonight i am so low with it all

no Jack at school tomorrow

 Evening

I hadnt slept that well, I think I did manage to sleep even tho jack wasnt in bed but I just kept waking up so much -____- felt shattered this morning. Sick of feeling so energyless and dead

jack went out to cut the grass and I stayed inside with Oz this was all after breakfast

We went to B&M and TK at around 10:15am we picked up boring house hold stuff but also a few different sweet treats to try. We also got the final pot for the garden from TK my god theyre so much cheaper in there than garden centres and much more unique too. I dont know why more people dont go there. 

We came back and I was exhausted. Like I had ran a marathon and we had only been out 45mins

I had a brew and recovered enough to cook a load of meat for my lunches for the week and a couple of dinners. I had lunch then I went out to plant the plant in the last pot. The corner of the garden is such a feature now, we love it! I fished out the giant pumpkin out the garage too I always said we would have as a garden ornament. Much to jack's dismay XD

I also cleaned the washer. You're suppose to do it every 6months and I think its been since christmas we last did it so not bad at all! You have to take the tray out and clean in, clean the door rim, put stuff in the draw and let it to a 60c wash. Then I cleaned all outside and such. Yeah nice and clean. Sadly the first thing to go in next is Oz's toilet blanket XD my lovely clean washer full of orange carrot weewee XD

I did some painting but couldnt really get into it so I went to water the whole garden and all the house plants. I bought Oz in for fuss but he just wanted loaf in loaf lair 

I made a cake and did the dinner. We finished 2nd season of welcome to the demon school. It has been a brilliant series and I was sad we finished it but it left to be continued so we googled to find out season 3 is out in october!!! best news ever

then did a work out after dinner for half hour, it was one I had done before but it had about killed me off, I just dont have the energy today for some reason. 

I had a nice bath and did a facial and a facial massage. now just doing my diary then we will watch RWBY and play pokemon in bed. I still havent finished the league I forgot how drawn out it is at the end of sword and shield. Its nice its different but yeah I keep thinking "its about to end" but doesnt

tomorrow

bit of a different one tomorrow

its school for me but its an interview for Jack at another school to be a biology technician. So hes coming in the car with me but leaving me at school to go catch the tram into the city centre as the school hes going to is directly in the city centre and the tram stops outside it. His interview is at 8:50am. With any luck we will be home same sorta time

the other difference tomorrow is...no lessons! its 'enrichment week' at our school so all students are off timetable and depending on the year group it depends on what they are doing. Tomorrow we have the youngest year group doing our annual 'murder mystery' a teacher gets murdered.  So I have been asked (like every year) to 'set the scene' I get to put up crime scene tape across doors and create a little scene like where a body was found so I need to draw out a body on the floor. I hope I am allowed to do blood splats XD but I have permission to enjoy myself with it and Jack isnt there to make sure I dont make mess XD should be good. He said he also did  my job sheet ready for me to find monday morning (as I wasnt in on friday to see it) and he says its not much its basically display and murder mystery stuff. Its always odd when jack isnt in tho. 

I hope his interview goes ok.

Oz had such a good night

 Evening

So last night we had a Mon-a-Thon!!

I laid out the picnic blanket and cushions on the floor, I lit candles, shut the curtains, put Pokemon Lucario and the mystery of Mew, we played pokemon doing the pokemon league. We had Ozwald in the whole time and he was soooooooo happy. Honestly he loved being in. He was running on the blanket loads as he loves the sound of his feet on the blanket. I also gave him lots of fuss. Jack fussed him too but he always comes for fuss from me more than Jack so I ended up not finishing Shield just cus my bunny needed a lot of love. It was a good night, we ate sweet treats. Oz went to bed at 9:40!!! Thats so late for him bless him. He also conned us out of treats. Bet he thought it was his birthday or something yesterday. Spoilt bun

I went to bed and continued on pokemon, I took extra pain killers when I turned my switch off as I really wanted sleep. It was like 10:30pm when I fell asleep

I woke up at 2am for a wee but got back off to sleep! finally waking at 8am!! yay ^^

Felt like I had actually slept too

This morning I gave Oz lots of fuss then I cleaned him out

I then cleaned the bathroom, washed my face and got dressed and then did some painting

I died on the toilet massively, god it hasnt been that bad for a while

we had lunch then I went to bed for an hour but didnt really sleep as I was aching!

I got up and painted

had a brew and then we went to do food shop and got fuel. I called in at my parents for 5mins to see my brothers new bike hes so excited about. 

We came home and I died on the sofa, I was exhausted but needed to do dinner

I did dinner, had stomach ache after dinner which I still have 90mins after my dinner. Why must I suffer T^T

I then marinated meat that I am cooking tomorrow

Jack has gone off to game with Chris and friends. To play online board games

I would like to do exercise and paint my nails. I found a growwithjo thats an hour long of walking burning off like 500 calories. As Jack isnt around to see me exercise I could get away with doing an hour of exercise! but can do I even do an hour!? probably not XD so exercise, bath, nails. bed!

tomorrow

just got cooking to do really and some painting would be good

Had the day off sick and mon-a-thon

 Evening

So I couldnt sleep, but whats new!

I was up til 1am by myself in lots of pain. I didnt wake Jack as I knew he was so tired so I didnt want him to be up again. I overdosed and I ate a lot. Anything to make me feel better.

I went to bed and got some sleep, my alarm went off and I just felt awful. I just felt like i couldnt do life today. I couldnt cope with going to work, looking happy for people, driving home. Then I thought about working from home but I actually couldnt face that I was so tired I didnt feel like i could focus or sit at a desk for 4 hours working. jack had gone to bring Oz in and found me crying on the bedroom floor after he put Oz in the lounge. Whilst Jack was consoling me (think I was crying due to sheer exhaustion) Oz came round the corner he came to find me cus he knew I was upset, hes such a sweetheart. He licked my tears away bless him

Jack made me have breakfast and said to see how I felt after that. I wanted sleep and nothing more. He kindly phoned in sick for me. I couldnt do life today. I went to bed as soon as I ate which was 7am I didnt even see Jack off. I woke up at 10am. 3 hours later!!! jesus. I must have needed the sleep. I know some people dont sleep well but you have to think - i am depressed which is tiring, I am in constant pain which is tiring and I also take a tonne of medication which drains the life out of me. Its a miracle I function at all.

When I got up I had a brew with oz in the lounge who was really happy to see I was up, he had only been loafing on plush pad. 

I got dressed and washed my face and tried to face the day

mummy came to see me at 11:30am, she brought the girls over. We had lunch and potted a couple of plants in the garden. 

She left and I went to bed for an hour, I got up and did an hour of yoga during which Jack came home. We had noodles and then I ran I bath, I decided I would have a bit of pamper to make myself feel happier.

However my happiness was shortly lived as just as I went to start my pamper, my phone rang.

doctors

why? i dont have an appointment.

He was ringing to review my medication (controlled drugs need reviewing) and he asked how I was, if I still worked, how my mental health was.

I told him Ive been upset a lot lately, not coping, now working part time as I cant keep up, in pain and not sleeping. I might as well had said "all is well" as he literally said NOTHING. No fucks given!

I said thank you for him sorting my meds out as Id hate to not be able to get them. He put the phone down and I felt like I could have raged after that. Its the whole "who cares, youre long time sick and no cure get on with it"

I simmered in the bath but tried not to let my crappy doctor ruin my evening

as tonight me and Jack are having a pokemon night!!!!!

We're gonna put the picnic blanket down in the lounge with cushions, put Lucario movie on which I think came out 16 years ago now? play pokemon as we both have the pokemon league to do, and I want to start Pearl too. Were having a nerdy mon-a-thon! Never done this before. We said if Oz can stay awake long enough he can join us but he does usually like to be in bed for 7pm and its 7:10pm now XD

tomorrow

weekend~~

mummy brought me home

 evening

I actually slept really well. I didnt even notice Jack come to bed at 10:30.

I still felt absolutely drained and tired this morning

Jack then told me he got a phone call at 10pm from his step dad saying Jack's mum had been taken into hospital. She gets awful migraines, is medicated and sometimes so bad its like shes had a stroke. Of course shes had all sorts of tests over the years. I think yesterday she had had a pretty bad attack at work and couldnt move or something so her work phoned for an ambulance. She had to stay in last night and when I text her this morning she was still waiting for an MRI. Bless her. We will need to see her when shes out. I could tell Jack seemed worried.

On the way to school I was mega shaky and anxious. Anxiety through the roof. Why? what am I even anxious about? who knows!

The whole morning it didnt pass and I didnt feel that well to be honest. I was getting my morning done but at 11am I rang my mum saying I didnt feel great and didnt trust myself to drive. She came to pick me up when i finished work which was so kind of her I cant tell you how grateful I was

she had lunch with me and told me I looked better than what I did when I came out of school as she said I was white when I left school. She didnt stay long as all I wanted was my bed. My eyelids had been dark reddy pink all day.

I went to bed for an hour, woke up, didnt want to get up so I had a further half  hour

these naps are what are getting me through the day I am sure

I sat and had a brew and watched youtuve videos then I did a 30min workout, which wasnt hard I picked an easy one. Then I had a bath, Jack came home and I made a cake whilst he was in the bath. Im just cooking our food. We will watch Welcome to the demon school whilst eating - almost finished season 2 I LOVE IT

then hobby time I guess

My brother came to see me on his bicycle yesterday whilst I was painting in my craft room which was nice he was just stood outside the window whilst i painted and talked. 

Tomorrow is school

god i hope I can do those 4 hours 

got my aloe vera and a tigers eye crystal

 Evening

could I sleep? could I bob >.> I am so fed up, I woke Jack up at 11pm after I had already been up an hour. I just couldnt sleep. I felt so shattered this morning. I was glad I was stopping home

I thought I would run out of work to do from home. No. Dear god that took me longer than I thought! doesnt even look like I did a lot but it took ages! I didnt even take many breaks! I only just got it done! yeesh!

Mum came over at lunch and she brought the piglets ^^

I booted Oz outside for an hour as he had been in out since 6:30am >.> spoilt loaf

I repotted a plant, planted my brand new aloe vera that came today!! Its beautiful! and edible!

I also got my new shoes for mia's wedding! They are amazing and boost me by 2 inches I am not used to having height! 

She left and I went to bed around 2pm, I was drifting in and out of sleep for 2 hours.

it was bliss

to not be fully conscious for 2 hours, 2 hours not in pain, brilliant

I got up and 10mins later jack turned up as it was 4:10pm so we had a brew

then I did dinner which just needed noodles as the rest was in the slow cooker from this morning

I had massive noodle sweats!! I was dripping. Jack touched my back and regretted it XD

I managed to do 4 songs/20mins on just dance! I havent been on it for months! It felt good to go on it but I felt mega rusty! I still scored high but I could my movements were stiff.

I went for a bath then mum called to talk about a few things, 

I will go to do my 10mins of hobby time that will hopefully turn into longer as it usually does

I have also got to do some research, my mum's friend gave me a little stone bunny today. Its made of Tigers eye. I have never heard of this but it has good properties that I need to google. She bought it to say shes thinking of me.

tomorrow

school then mummy said she would come see me 

Had to be taken home.....

 Pon~~

So last night I ached like crazy and was not looking forward to trying to sleep, but somehow I did get off to sleep without having to overdose! that never happens. I did wake up several times to get comfy again. When the alarm went off I just felt like I needed so much more sleep

My legs hurt but I wanted to go school, if I worked from home I would end up being home alone for 11 hours and its a bloody long day!

So school was ok

I got A LOT done I was pleased with my efforts and more of my display work is coming along nicely. my body was starting to hurt but I only had 90mins left I knew I could get through this

But then head of biology came to me asking if I would give her a hand taking a display down. She asked me a few days ago that she would need help when shes free which is fine. However, I have to budget my energy at work and I had already spent my energy. But I didnt panic cus I thought I was just taking down 1 display.

no

it was 4 displays and putting up 1 display

so I was up down up down on the stool. My legs protesting. It was hot, I was sweating all down my back. My arms were hurting from ripping out staples 

I went to sit down and rest before I went home in 20mins time

Jack saw me and was like "oh god Jo, you do not look good. are you ok!?" I said "to be honest jack I actually dont feel well"

I was hot but shivering, my body hurt and felt shaky. I had pushed beyond my limit. I had done too much damage. Doing all that was not on my to do list.

Jack asked "are you well enough to drive"

and in that moment, I actually didnt trust myself to drive. I havent let things get THIS bad for a while. So Jack went to ask head of science if he could take me home and work from home the rest of the afternoon (would be more time effective to work from home than driving back to work)

We got permission and Jack helped me up. Boy did I need a hand up. My legs were like jelly. It felt as if I had fainted and was recovering from fainting. But didnt actually faint. I then had the long walk to car with a tired and shaky body

I was so grateful of Jack taking me home as my parents certainly werent around!

we got home, I ate and went to bed no messing.

I woke up and hour later and still felt rough. and still feel rough now!

I havent done anything all afternoon I have to say as I am not up to it. I prepped the stew with Jack that was it. Had a nice bath to help the aches and were about to do dinner. I hope after dinner my hands stop shaking so I can do my 10mins on my painting like I did last night. I am certainly trying my best with the '10mins hobby time' thing

tomorrow

no ifs or buts my Jack has said I am working from home ^^; thats me told

I have display work to do and stuff :/ mum says she will come see me

my Ozwald has had tummy ache all afternoon which worried me. I did what I could to help him and he looks a bit more at ease now. Has eaten, drunk, done poos so I think hes through the worst of his tummy ache. He looks a bit better bless him