being told to have an easier day >.>

 Evening

My brother popped over for a bit last night, so that was nice but I was already so exhausted. I struggled to settle down afterwards. It took me til almost midnight to sleep. We woke up at 8:30am I had slept pretty well too

I sadly had the stew to put on this morning T^T

I was dead this morning, honestly looked and felt rough. Jack told me I need to have an easier day and leave the cabinet in the garage. I had a strop on the floor, saying I wanted to get stuff done, it was on my list to do for today etc. Jack sat down with me and went through my summer list and my daily lists and managed to come up with a better solution and talk me through stuff.

I told him he had averted a melt down XD He said I needed energy for tomorrow as it's his birthday and we would like to pop out for a picnic~ and he was right, I was in need of an easier day. I could feel my body was shaking with exhaustion yesterday. my body shakes when im pushing things, if I push through that 'warning' I faint. Basically my body says 'no more' and knocks me out! I am too stubborn, i know.

So today we had an easier day

As I felt so deathy and sweaty, I had a shower and made some biscuits whilst Jack and Oz gardened for 2 and half hours!! They did so well. I think Jack wanted the garden a bit tidier for when his family come on sunday. 

we had lunch then I drove us to get fuel, post office, then went to mum's for an hour

I got to sit with the girls and we had a cup of tea

Jack got the ladders and went into the roof for my old gamcube as I said he could play my old pokemon games

we came home and we started them. we also watched pokemon presents and we are so hyped for the new games they look so freaking good! I sat with Oz a little bit then did the dinner which was so good, despite almost overflowing this morning XD

Jack has gaming tonight, so I might send him for a shower first as I dont wanna shower right now as I would like to do some exercising tonight. I need food to go down a bit more first! Im not always in the mood to rush so he can game. Sometimes I am exercising and tasting  my dinner coming up....

so tomorrow

it's my Jack's 29th birthday!!! I cant wait to give him his goodies, and have a good day with him ^^ I want to have a nice picnic and we're gonna attempt Katsu curry from scratch for dinner~ think my body is grateful for an easier day today tho, so hopefully this means I have energy to enjoy tomorrow with my Jack~

a very productive day, cleaning garage and making a BBQ

 Yo~~~n~

I was ok fine by myself last night, I got stuff ready for when Jack would come home in the hopes he would disturb me as little as possible. I managed to get off to sleep and next thing I knew Jack was climbing into bed and I fell back to sleep. So I was glad I hadnt been disturbed. Apart from at 5:40am by my neighbours who thought that this seemed the best time of day to let their dogs out for a bark....

So this morning I was up by myself I thought I would let Jack get up whenever as I didnt know what time he had climbed into bed and how much he had drank. I aint waking him at 8am if hes just gonna suffer a hangover. But he woke up at 8:15am so that wasn bad he hadnt that much to drink but enough to upset his tummy bless  him. He just cant handle alcohol anymore XD

I had a flick through my fabrics whilst Jack was dying on the toilet. I was seeing what I had incase I wanted to make Miho a baby blanket. I have made a lot of mess....mess I have left and need to clear up....^^;

eventually we went in the garage with Ozwald to go clear the garage a bit 

so we swept the floor, binned stuff, sorted stuff for the tip, tidied stuff better. It was full on and we had a tea break half way through. We discovered we had had more of a rat problem than we thought. nothing looked FRESH but yeah it was gross I have to say. We got rid of so many spiders and webs. There was so much dust you could see it in the air, we were sniffing and coughing, I blew my nose for loads of grey to come out it. When we got to where we wanted to today I noticed all the dust on the hair on  my arms. I wiped my face and in one swipe it revealed the dust on my face.

I said to Jack "this is gross, even if we change our clothes we are still gonna get dust on everything from our hair and skin" not to mention humidity has been high since this morning. Hardly any sun but humidity of 27c. So we sweated.

we came in at 12:15 and had a shower then lunch. We felt so much better for a shower

In the afternoon we built Jack's birthday present from his family - a BBQ

it took over an hour but we were ok we werent stressed or confused it just took time. I have never owned a BBQ of such high quality in all my life!! we have had A LOT of different BBQs and this has been the best ever. I cant wait to show mum she will be impressed. even the packaging was good, the screws were heavy and yeah its very well made. They did not buy crap. id hate to know how much it cost! Jack is happy with it.

so we have a very very tired bunny

he never stayed still during the whole garage clean, he was constantly there where we were and hopping round it was very cute but hes usually having his morning sleep. He eventually collapsed as he'd had enough. Then just when he thought he was gonna have a sleep this afternoon, we decided to build the BBQ in the lounge so of course Mr.Nosey had to be involved. Since the BBQ he has just laid out, chin to carpet. he    is    done. He even looks tired bless him. He will sleep tonight!!

as for me, i can feel my body shaking its saying "youve done too much" I didnt tell Jack as I wanted to help him with the BBQ but I am glad I am not exercising today. Jo is done.

I ordered Jack some more school trainers online as his are knackered. My school trainers are fine but my everyday trainers are hurting my feet and when I went to look at them today did I realise WHY they were hurting. I have worn through the sole like Jack's school shoes, theres no padding left in them and all the inside sides are worn away. I dont feel like I have had them THAT long but I think I bought them 2 or so years ago when I think about it. So yeah theyre dead XD I havent been able to find any a like, any that arent' white....I cant be trusted with white shoes.....

After dinner i need to clean up my craft room and maybe do some drawing.

tomorrow

hopefully seeing mummy. I have been busy today, she feels worse today energy wise, also my brother is working from home today so mum has company an he doesnt want me being loud over there whilst hes working. I think we are also tackling the garage cupboard tomorrow. So it needs to be cleared out and dismantled. It is attached to the wall we think but its housing loads of spiders and rat crap its not gonna be a pretty job but its where the rat has been getting in so it needs to go (we dont use it it was there when we bought the house its a very old kitchen cabinet) and we need to be able to concrete the rat hole up

The car is sorted, but how much!?

 Evening

I was struggling to sleep last night so we got up for a bit and I had pain killers and fruit loaf. I did sleep after that and I got up at 8am

I had found out at 10pm that Mia had double booked me with her wedding food taster so I said we could meet next week. So I now had to choose something else to do today

it was 25c today but there was a breeze

we got ready and we left the house about 9:20am, we walked to my parents for a piece of paper my dad had printed out to tax the car with, then I walked with Jack to the post office. Turns out I didnt need that paper I walked for so that was a waste of time.

we taxed the car

we came home for a brew

we then both insured ourselves on the car

oh

my 

god

for a 2003 banger corsa

£159 for 6months road tax

£75 for 6months of more insurance

I was expecting a bad tax as older cars do suffer high tax. But the insurance....its an old car!!! I thought id have money returned to me NOT pay out for more!!! It cost Jack the same.

So glad I havent had to pay for the car AS WELL

its made it concrete to me that I DO NOT WANT TO KEEP THE CAR

I am NOT paying that out EVERY YEAR

I was sure to announce it to mum that everything had been done. God a weight had been lifted

We had lunch then at 1pm I went to go see my sickly mummy

mummy is so poorly she even hasnt been able to go to work.

So I stayed with her for 2 hours on the other side of the room. She appreciated the company

I walked back home - ahhhh so much walking today

I relaxed for a little while then did the dinner which was so good

had a bath then sat ordering a few presents online, I tend to do a lot of my christmas shopping during summer so I dont have a big expense all at once. Ive managed to get a fair few things actually.

I am home alone tonight

my Jack left me at 7:15pm to go meet with harvey theo and james to go for a few drinks. He wont be late as harvey and theo have work in the morning. but I hope he enjoys himself.

I will do some drawing, have a hot chocolate and play pokemon in bed by myself. I can manage

tomorrow

Jack is on about clearing the garage out a bit so I have that fun job to do.....so many spiders....

oh speaking of spiders, we are obsessed with the anime "so im a spider so what?" its so freaking good its really tempting to binge

My car....she gone...shes gone

 Evening

totally forgot to do this yesterday!

So yesterday was FULL ON

I was up at 7am and we got ready to go food shopping, I ended up doing some of my mum's shopping as shes come down with something and nether dad or my brother would go shopping, it would fall to her and she was like death. She had a negative covid test tho. So we dropped her food off

we came home and unpacked then I cleaned Ozwald out.

I cleaned the bathroom as well. I had lunch then I went over to my parents house as I was so confused as to where to start with my car stuff

seeing my dad...ugh...I was holding tears in. he talks to me so rudely.

he also said the total opposite to what he said friday. I was so confused.

Bottom line was -  I needed to get rid of my car, and fast.

So I was gonna take it to WeBuyAnyCar. I said I would sort it out. 

I kept my mum company a bit and my brother was kindly sorting my laptop out - needed cleansing of crap files etc. I cleaned out the girls cage to help mum. Cleaned 3 hutches this week!!

My brother came to me and said "do you want me to go take your car with you?"

I saw an opportunity, and I took it

my mum said "it depends on what you can handle Jo"

But my brother has his own car, therefor able to bring me home, he soo much calmer to be round than my dad. It would get rid of my car and be one less thing for me to do.

so we booked an appointment for 40mins time

we went to my house and chucked out all the stuff in my car into my house

my dad was all "wash your car, clean inside etc" I did none of it, could   not    see    the     point

I followed my brother down to WeBuyAnyCar, so glad he was leading - I would no way have found that place!!!

We wait for the guy who must have been at tops 21 years old. He came and looked round my car like literally went round it ONCE. He didnt even start it up!! It was crazy

He typed up all the details on the computer and due to the odd scratches/wear and tear it devalued it by £300. So I paid £2400 for it when I got it almost 4 years ago and I got back for it £2300. Thats crazy. Old cars are holding value right now, so it was a good time to sell

plus the gear box was knackered....

It all felt so final, handing over the keys to my baby TT^TT

my brother brought me home and said he would bring my laptop home soon when he was finished. 

Jack was completely oblivious to all this. He was gaming online.

he luckily came off for dinner, I was so glad. So I filled him in. I went on JustDance for 20mins after dinner and had a bath, Jack had a bath and went back to game til midnight. He did 10hours of gaming yesterday. but its his birthday week~

My brother came over for hour at 7:30pm

After he left I painted my nails, played pokemon  and went to sleep

I woke up in the night wondering just what the hell that noise was, it was jack snoring XD he had been drinking whilst gaming

This morning I was up and I got Oz in and had time with him

I spent my morning practicing make up for mia's wedding. I just took my time and did what I thought was best. It turned out fine, I had used a BB cream and i dont think I will bother that on the day as I hated the feel. Yes it gave me more even skin tone but my skin isnt in that bad of a condition that I need it and I rather be comfortable rather than worrying if my face is melting off. 

We had lunch then we went for a walk then when we came back Jack's mum, step dad and youngest sister came over for a bit we had tea and cake and they left him with all their gifts ^^

I had a sit down then did dinner

I had a bath and a pamper in and out the bath 

Now doing diary and i will do some drawing, watching RWBY and play pokemon in bed.

tomorrow

mia is coming over in the morning to bring over the bridesmaid dress and so I can show her the bits I bought to wear on the day. 

Mum is kindly taking me to the post office at some point so I can tax my car so then I can insure it and actually get on the road.

I am sad I have lost my car

but its better than watching £2000 go up in a bang

bang of gearbox explosion....

Be grateful for the downgrade I guess

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night and got up at 7:30am

I got ready and went over to mummy's at 9

we went to the shops and were gone like 2 hours -_____- to say we had both had enough was an understatement. We were done!! It was worth the trip tho I got new plant pots ^^ I got garage door paint

we came back here and had a cup of tea and a biscuit.

Then I took the 3 of us up to dad's garage uughhh

the reception was awful. Why is my dad so rude? why does he hate me so much? why is he such an arse hole?

I grabbed the keys and took me and Jack for test drive 1min down the road. 

The car is like a copper Corsa 2003 banger. Like she old. She very uncomfortable. She is a massive down grade to what I had. I finally felt like more of an adult as I had an actual DECENT car. And this....this is just depressing. I came back and told mum the seats feel knackered its super uncomfortable and I want to pay the 2grand to fix my car.

But after my melt down had subsided I understood that throwing money at my car would only be wasteful, it also wouldnt guarantee that £2000 would fix the issue it may need MORE. So it would be a money pit basically. I was also grateful that we even had another car. I could be car-less and have to survive off buses. I also was grateful of the fact that my car hasnt actually exploded yet so I will still have something to sell, not just £400 of scrap metal value.

we came away with both cars.

I had lunch at home

then decided I would have a cry

yup

cus I was tired, stressed out a lot and didnt know which way to turn

I was having a massive down grade in car, in some uncomfortable heap

Its so unfair that my car is dead anyway

I would need to sell my car

SORN my car off the road

Tax 'new' one

Insure 'new' one 

A CLEAN IT

dear god did it need a clean

I had zero energy. I cried til my face stung. I was just stressed and tired

I rang my mum

I told her how it was

I was to go over to hers to start cleaning the car. She was gonna do it alone but I couldnt allow that. I was still upset when Jack found me. I actually was starting to feel dizzy and faint from exhaustion so he said to just go bed and he will clean the car

he rang mum and told her whats what. She came here to help Jack clean the car. I laid on the bed and calmed down. My eyes felt huge and hot my face stung.

After they clean for almost 90mins (just interior for now) mummy went home she was shattered.

We sat a minute then I had a shower, did the dinner. I looked at selling my current one and I got a quote which was £2750 but I doubt that I will receive that much once they see it. They will never give the quote they just give you a high quote to make you bring the car through the door. I am not stupid. Despite never doing this before. 

I am not sure what I am doing the rest of tonight. I have nothing else to give. I didnt even exercise as my body was shaking from exhaustion.

so tomorrow~

wooooo bring on tomorrow -_____-

gotta get up at 7:30am so we can get out early for food shopping. Then I suppose I will have car admin to sort. Then Jack at 1pm is gaming online with Chris and friends. I dont know what I am doing tomorrow afternoon. Sleep and more SLEEP......

massively stressed out today, water issues and my poor car

 Evening

ahhhhh i couldnt sleep >.> Jack didnt go on his phone or play longer on his switch. When he turns his switch off the same time as me and calls it a night, I struggle to sleep cus he falls asleep instantly and he breathes annoyingly so I struggle to sleep and struggle to resist the temptation to smother him in his sleep. So I was up til midnight.

We both woke up at 9:30am

I mean my excuse is  i got my 9 hours of needed sleep

Jack had like 11 hours of sleep!! whats his excuse!? jesus. He said he felt better for it and didnt realise he needed the sleep.

So this morning once we were up and ready, we tackled the radiator...

and thats were we were for 2 hours none stop

it was A LOT

It was going well, it was slow and time consuming as we are winging it, and taking our time so we dont screw up. We patched up the big wall fissure that the ants had been using to get into our house. We put the radiator back onto the wall once the crack had been patched up, Jack went to screw it back to the pipes and thats when problems happened

it didnt appreciate being disturbed. it leaked. And when taking it off the wall again to drain it again so he could clog the inner pipe, black water would come out. We have new carpets. we do no want black water on it. So he gave him trying to remove it and tried to make a seal on the outside of the pipe instead. But it kept leaking still.

during the whole thing I wasnt sure if I was gonna

faint

big sick

or empty my bowels 

yes thats how I felt

I was stressed. My stomach knotted

he put sealant round the pipe but it dripped, slower. He said he will layer up the sealant and eventually it would stop

I was so drained. I had been running round like a blue arse fly collecting stuff for Jack and cleaning up and stopping water flow. I was to be his errand girl I knew that as that was literally the only thing I was good for. But doing it for 2 hours whilst being stressed out was exhausting and I was reaching my limit

we left the sealant to dry with a drip tray underneath and made lunch

My mum txt to say she was coming at 2pm to come see me, drop my car off and to talk to us about the car

so as soon as I had lunch I started doing my meal plans for next week and the shopping list then mummy turned up. I made us both a tea, I spilt tea on the carpet and knocked over my flower vase so water went over my carpet. She helped me clean it up. I said "can you tell I am tired and done?"

she said

the car is dead. It cant be fixed unless we want to change the gearbox for £2000 which is about the value of the damn car. So basically I have a scrap car that I have got to pay £60 for after today.

Dad has a car that I can test drive ASAP

then I have to

sell my car

SORN my car off the road

TAX my new car

Insure my new car

at this point I cried

I had reached my limit of what I could handle in one day

with this mornings stress + the thought of my car (i love) being scrap, paying out for new car AND doing the admin for it on top. 

yep I cracked and had a cry on the carpet in front of mum and Jack like a child

but they both assured me that they will help me through it and I wont be left with it. Mum said to not test drive the car today as I clearly wasnt up for it. So she said she would go with me and Jack tomorrow morning to test drive, providing dad is there at his work place for me to test drive it.

she left as she could see I was done

I went to my bed and Jack came in, I cuddled him and shed a few more tears. I knew it was just cus I was tired and overstressed. My stomach was in knots and I was just exhausted 

I picked myself up and went to go draw a bit more on my canvas. I then went to do this diary post and then I will do dinner, I have fish soup out the freezer that I cant say I am looking forward to. 

I will have a bath then I think I will do some yoga or I might do yoga first, I will see how I feel. 

so tomorrow

I will go with mum and Jack to go test drive our potential new car. then me and mum might go do something I am not quite sure yet. See how the day goes.

I cant wait for sleep

10 hours worth of sleep

 Evening

I can tell I have broke up from school

I slept 10 hours last night! Not continuously but 10hours total nonetheless 

I cant tell you how much better I felt and my eye bags have been reduced too. I got up at 8am - yes I was so early to bed last night! 

We had a leisurely morning with the loaf then we went to go get ice cream!! We walked through a park and then both got 3 scoops of ice cream! thats the most I have ever ordered, but yes, I did finish the bugger it was so damn good. Worth every calorie. 

we went into about 5 charity shops afterwards, I picked up toddler books as I want to send Miho a load of gifts later in the year, Jack got 2 books. one with 850+ pages one with 950+pages. Insane. 

I also got a few new nail varnishes as some of mine have dried up

We came home and bought Oz in who was keen for lunch! we had lunch with him then I went on my laptop for a bit, then did a bit of my canvas

I went over to mum's around 2:45pm and had a brew with her. She kindly dropped me off home, I left my car there for dad to have a look at tomorrow. He has also bought a car that I can go test drive. He doesnt think my car is curable without spending heaps of money at it so hes been keeping an eye of for a replacement car. He wants me to sell mine whilst its still working and is actually worth something. 

I came home and had a bath, then we did dinner, I had to be on time with everything as Jack has gaming with his brother tonight, I did forget. As I was still finishing my dinner, flying ants came in again.....must be the 4th time. So we had to sort all that crap out. Jack has declared that tomorrow we will take the old radiator off the wall and patch the hole up the ants are coming in from. Fingers crossed we are able to do that and dont have water spurting out everywhere and need a plumber....

so I need to have the loaf inside with me as there is ant powder down outside again. I popped him away whilst we were on ant patrol but he can probably come back inside now. Bless him.

so tomorrow I am car-less and think we are taking the radiator off the wall....

oh and the food disappeared I had put out for the hedgehog. But then a rat could have eaten it. I wasnt up during the night to sit and watch. I might put meal worms out again.