Our first BBQ

 Evening~~~

I cried another time yesterday before I went to sleep. My eyes felt so swollen but I was struggling with negative thoughts, a lot about my dad.

This morning I felt very flat and energyless, great on a day youre suppose to be entertaining!

So we got up and we tidied up a bit, I did a work out and had a shower then cleaned the bathroom. Jack went to the shops once they were open for BBQ meat as we couldnt store it in the fridge as we have a caravan fridge, we couldnt put drinks in the fridge ether cus no room 

His family came over just after 12, I had been laying on my bed for half hour, making the most of being quiet. 

Jack had lit the BBQ but the food should have gone on earlier as I was struggling to cook the damn thing, I got some thinner things cooked but the rest was just being lightly steamed --_____-- I kept saying it to him and in the end he decided to give me more charcoal T^T finally!!! I then could cook and I cooked everything so damn well too~~

Oh but whilst we had been outside something massive happened....we have new neighbours!!!! The house next door to us has been empty about 6+months and today the new owners showed up, some chaved up woman. Yeah they look classy...just hope they havent got brats and dogs. Oh my god the dogs behind us wouldnt shut up all day. The whole morning none stop they barked but then I think the owners did realise we had guests so brought the dogs in. But what they do you see is, rather than take them to the park 1-2mins walk down the road they lock them outside to bark and bark and bark as they are full of energy and dont appreciate being locked out their home. Then once they come inside you can STILL hear them barking and the owners telling them to shut up. Why dont you take your dog for an effing walk huh!? why do people have dogs if they want nothing to do with them. I lose my patience so much to that household. Its the dogs that suffer. but they literally have no control over them and theyre big dogs too.

anyway ^^;

We went into the lounge because it was getting warm outside and my garden has zero shade in the afternoon, so we sat round indoors, I didnt want people to burn despite the sun block 

We had cake they bought round and just talked, it was nice. I was getting exhausted from being social for 4 hours straight 

They eventually left at 4:30pm and then we had the clear up to do which wasnt too bad as we had used disposable forks and plates, they were some Jacks mum had already so we thought it would help with the washing up. 

I went to chill out in the bath and I couldnt wait to rid myself of the smell of smoke as I had been cooking in it. Jack went into the bath and I threw all our clothes in the wash with the towel wash I had delayed til this evening as I usually do it in the morning but I didnt want clothes festering of smoke for days. Jack is gonna do the washing up now. I might do some painting but I just want my bed. I am tired. Its been nice tho and Jack thanked me for today he didnt need to 

Oz tho, my goodness that bun, he was just being overly bunny cute and getting attention. He did find it hard at the start as hes never had a BBQ here before and hes not really used to having people over he did eventually tune off and go to sleep in the room with us

tomorrow

got another long day ahead, do I get an easy day!? -___- suppose to be holidays damn it

should be seeing mia in the morning to do wedding prep

then 4pm I have a massage, mum will probably want to see me between those two.

but not got to cook as theres so much BBQ meat left!!

Panic attack induced by my dad

 Evening

I slept pretty well, think I kinda woke up to Jack coming to bed. I was playing pokemon til 10pm I was so tired tho -____- 

we woke up at 7:30am as I set an alarm so we could get going with the day

by 8:20am we were on our way to shopping~ we got to the second shop and the key wouldnt come out the car ignition. Jack wouldnt just let me leave the banger like that so made me stay with the car whilst he shopped >.> stupid crappy car

we got home and Jack sprayed WD40 in the ignition and the key released. I swear something goes wrong in that car everytime we use it.

we unpacked, I cleaned Oz out, had a quick cup of tea, 25mins on just dance, shower. *pant pant* I was constantly on the go! I had a lot to do >.> so now that it was 11am I needed to go up to my dad's garage. I did not want to. Jack offered his support but I thought I would spare him and leave him at home he also had  a load of stuff to do.

I txt mum to say I was going up and she said she would meet me there

I saw my dad after I had pulled up, he said to bring the car onto his ramp - instant anxiety. I have never drove a car on a ramp before. So I am trying my best and my dad is pointing with his finger but I am trying my best and looking where I am going and he yells at me whilst showing me his pointed finger

"DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!? IM POINTING!!"

I got out the car and said "I havent done this before!!!"

he said "I had a bloke drive into the ramp post" I said "well I wasnt THAT bad then"

I walked off after he passed me the other car keys

got round the corner and had an anxiety/panic attack

I couldnt breathe and I thought I was going to throw up right there and then, tears streamed down my face I was panting and hyperventilating and of course this is the moment my mum drives into my dad's garage car park. She sees me in a state and was like "whats wrong!!?" I said between gasps and pants "I will say in a minute" I was trying to catch my breath I managed to get out "he shouted at me, I had to go on the ramp and I havent done it before"

mum was annoyed. That dad just cant be nice for 5mins. if she had been a little bit earlier she would have been there. So she was annoyed at how rude dad is. So I sat in her car with the air conditioning up and blowing my nose and wiping my eyes. I WAS DRAINED

but I had still to test drive the car....

so mum came and sat in the seat next to me and I drove for like 2mins just for a test drive

It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much nicer than what I had been driving round in -___- it doesnt feel like too much of a down grade from my previous car. Its got a nasty car tax unfortunately, because of its engine size so I am gonna guess the insurance will be nasty too. But the rid is nicer, the seats arent knackered and it looks better. Its baby blue~ I should get it soon, dad just has a bit more work to do to it.

I came home after thanking mum for her support

I cried when I got home cus I was telling Jack about it all, he felt so bad for me. I said "it seems like no big deal but I have years of physical and mental abuse from my dad so it doesnt take much for him to trigger me"

We had lunch once I had calmed down, then I had to wait til 2pm so bid on some rockery stones online and I won them. I then went to bed for almost 2 hours. I was so drained, I had cried a little bit whilst falling asleep. I get annoyed at myself for letting him get to me. 

Once I was up I had a cup of tea with my boys, I went outside to water the garden, then did the dinner and now just doing my diary and I will do some art

the key is stuck in the ignition again, it was stuck when I got home from dad's yard, but I was so done at this point I just walked into the house. I can not face seeing my dad and asking for help as Jack has tried to free it but its not happening, I have text my brother to see where he is and if he will maybe come fix it. If not it can stay like that, I dont care. Dad fixed one problem on it today and I feel it has another.

Today has been hard....

Yes Jo has daddy issues

tomorrow

ahhhh tomorrow I have another hard day ahead. Jack is going food shopping for the BBQ in the morning then his family is coming over around midday for a BBQ, so I will be entertaining for hours. It is gonna be hard and draining but I will get through it.

ahhhh I have had enough

garage is done~

 Evening

Man I was hurting last night from everything

I enjoyed playing on Pokemon in bed next to my Jack but I was about dropping off whilst playing!

I slept pretty well last night. I left Jack to sleep but he ended up getting up 10mins after me

I decided to have biscuits and hot chocolate for breakfast ^^ there wasnt a Jack yet to monitor me XD

This morning we went out to tackle the cabinet in the garage!

So the cabinet wasnt actually attached to the wall which made life easier. However it did reveal the grossness behind it....chewed up carrier bags which I am guessing was used as a nest at some point, 1000s of rat droppings and a dead rat....it was just bones tho so wasnt too gross. Hordes of spiders some were freakin huge like they could have been australian XD Im joking, theirs are the size of small puppies. We just gotta take all the crap to the tip sometime but need my dad's van for that >.>

It was a good job done but we once again got covered in dust. I came in and got dressed in my work out stuff and did 20mins of Just dance, then had a nice soak in the bath

We had lunch and then I laid on my bed with Hammington for a bit, then cut my nails down

so by lunch time I had done all my jobs for the day I was free~

mum turned up at 2pm with the girls and some home made cakes in honour of Jacks birthday ^^ they were sooooo good. I cut the girls claws and truffs was mardy. 

Mummy is feeling better but she is no way 100% yet

I then just did a few bits and pieces and then asked Jack if he would knock 3 nails in so I could hang the 3 canvases up so yay they are up after being sat in my craft room for a while ^^

I did the dinner~ and now just doing diary then it is art time

jack has got gaming tonight so i am by myself tonight but thats fine

tomorrow

*sigh* I have a busy day tomorrow >.> I have got to go shopping in the morning for food, clean Oz out, go see my dad at work as I need to test drive a potential car, clean the bathroom, paint my nails.....too much -_____- why are my holidays so busy!?

I gotta see my dad T^T hes more of an arsehole at work

My Jack's 29th Birthday!

 Evening

I was so tired last night, I was on the go for a while. I managed to do 25mins of JustDance, weeded the garden a bit and got rid of the dead flowers from plants and really watered the garden. Finally at 8pm I had a shower! Much needed shower...I managed a bit of drawing but not much then I was playing Pokemon til 10pm. I fell asleep and didnt notice Jack come to bed at 11pm

I woke up at 4am and felt like I had a sore throat coming, my thought was "great caught mum's germs" but this morning I didnt feel that bad, I was a lil snotty but on the whole not that bad. I put the thoughts from my mind as I do not want to be poorly! I will be just fine~

we woke up at 8:15am I cuddled Jack saying "Happy Birthday" this woke him up XD

We had breakfast with Oz, and then Jack opened his presents and cards with Oz there to help and supervise of course. Then we made our lunch then we went out.

I drove us to Newstead Abbey, I havent been for YEARS.

We got there and I sod the map and just started walking round. Its basically like this huge old lord house that sits on the grounds of a few lovely gardens. You have to pay separately to go round the lord house but screw that I wasnt there for the house! I was there for walking and exploring~ 

There was a road down to the carpark with very small road humps in the road, I slowed cus thats what you do, i went over the first one and heard something bang and then heard metal clinking to the floor. I pulled over (luckily no one around) and Jack retrieved part of the suspension....the first time we use the car and the suspension snaps...yup 

I rang mum once we had been for a wee and had a stretch and told her, she laughed, the car is so old rusted and and crappy. But I was just ringing to see if we were safe to drive home. We had taken a photograph of the spring and not much had snapped off in comparison to the whole spring. Mum sent it to dad (no way was I gonna ring and talk to him) and she got back to us that yes we would be ok to drive home just take it easy over any bumps.

so we were off~~

I somehow managed to hone in on the Japanese Garden first XD Everywhere was so pretty, we didnt bump into that many people or screaming kids, I really did think it was gonna be busier than what was. I was beginning to tire but didnt want to admit it, Jack kept making sit on a bench and catch my breath a minute sometimes needing the inhaler. We eventually said we would stop for lunch, I was hoping id be rearing to go after lunch so I could walk round the lake

lunch was good and we had our picnic blanket and cushions in the shade but I was getting a bit cold. I admitted that my legs were hurting and whilst I probably could have walked round the lake, I probably SHOULDNT walk round the lake. I would be pushing myself. Jack was happy to come back another time, for me not to push myself and he had enjoyed his outing 

we got home ok, I drove us back as Jack didnt feel that confident driving a broken car and that was totally acceptable as a new driver. 

I got home and had a cup of tea with Oz, a lay on my bed, then a hot bath as I was aching like mad!! Jack went to have some game time.

I made from scratch Katsu curry for dinner. So I coated the chicken with panko and I made the sauce from scratch. Not made with coconut milk so its better for you and it turned out alright actually. We watched the final episode of So Im a spider So what, in our pyjamas with Oz. Yup a lot nicer than going out for food and cheaper too! XD

Think I will just do some art this evening ether digital or painting I shall see

I havent got any plans tomorrow, think mummy would like to see me but she says see how I feel. We might be tackling the garage cupboard too. 

I have made ice cream for tonight ^^ yay I am looking forward to that treat!

I think on the whole my Jack has enjoyed his birthday and I am glad as I tried my best for him. We were gonna have a movie night tonight but we both cant be bothered XD it was nice actually going out somewhere together tho as we havent actually been out together for ages

last year of his 20's XD

being told to have an easier day >.>

 Evening

My brother popped over for a bit last night, so that was nice but I was already so exhausted. I struggled to settle down afterwards. It took me til almost midnight to sleep. We woke up at 8:30am I had slept pretty well too

I sadly had the stew to put on this morning T^T

I was dead this morning, honestly looked and felt rough. Jack told me I need to have an easier day and leave the cabinet in the garage. I had a strop on the floor, saying I wanted to get stuff done, it was on my list to do for today etc. Jack sat down with me and went through my summer list and my daily lists and managed to come up with a better solution and talk me through stuff.

I told him he had averted a melt down XD He said I needed energy for tomorrow as it's his birthday and we would like to pop out for a picnic~ and he was right, I was in need of an easier day. I could feel my body was shaking with exhaustion yesterday. my body shakes when im pushing things, if I push through that 'warning' I faint. Basically my body says 'no more' and knocks me out! I am too stubborn, i know.

So today we had an easier day

As I felt so deathy and sweaty, I had a shower and made some biscuits whilst Jack and Oz gardened for 2 and half hours!! They did so well. I think Jack wanted the garden a bit tidier for when his family come on sunday. 

we had lunch then I drove us to get fuel, post office, then went to mum's for an hour

I got to sit with the girls and we had a cup of tea

Jack got the ladders and went into the roof for my old gamcube as I said he could play my old pokemon games

we came home and we started them. we also watched pokemon presents and we are so hyped for the new games they look so freaking good! I sat with Oz a little bit then did the dinner which was so good, despite almost overflowing this morning XD

Jack has gaming tonight, so I might send him for a shower first as I dont wanna shower right now as I would like to do some exercising tonight. I need food to go down a bit more first! Im not always in the mood to rush so he can game. Sometimes I am exercising and tasting  my dinner coming up....

so tomorrow

it's my Jack's 29th birthday!!! I cant wait to give him his goodies, and have a good day with him ^^ I want to have a nice picnic and we're gonna attempt Katsu curry from scratch for dinner~ think my body is grateful for an easier day today tho, so hopefully this means I have energy to enjoy tomorrow with my Jack~

a very productive day, cleaning garage and making a BBQ

 Yo~~~n~

I was ok fine by myself last night, I got stuff ready for when Jack would come home in the hopes he would disturb me as little as possible. I managed to get off to sleep and next thing I knew Jack was climbing into bed and I fell back to sleep. So I was glad I hadnt been disturbed. Apart from at 5:40am by my neighbours who thought that this seemed the best time of day to let their dogs out for a bark....

So this morning I was up by myself I thought I would let Jack get up whenever as I didnt know what time he had climbed into bed and how much he had drank. I aint waking him at 8am if hes just gonna suffer a hangover. But he woke up at 8:15am so that wasn bad he hadnt that much to drink but enough to upset his tummy bless  him. He just cant handle alcohol anymore XD

I had a flick through my fabrics whilst Jack was dying on the toilet. I was seeing what I had incase I wanted to make Miho a baby blanket. I have made a lot of mess....mess I have left and need to clear up....^^;

eventually we went in the garage with Ozwald to go clear the garage a bit 

so we swept the floor, binned stuff, sorted stuff for the tip, tidied stuff better. It was full on and we had a tea break half way through. We discovered we had had more of a rat problem than we thought. nothing looked FRESH but yeah it was gross I have to say. We got rid of so many spiders and webs. There was so much dust you could see it in the air, we were sniffing and coughing, I blew my nose for loads of grey to come out it. When we got to where we wanted to today I noticed all the dust on the hair on  my arms. I wiped my face and in one swipe it revealed the dust on my face.

I said to Jack "this is gross, even if we change our clothes we are still gonna get dust on everything from our hair and skin" not to mention humidity has been high since this morning. Hardly any sun but humidity of 27c. So we sweated.

we came in at 12:15 and had a shower then lunch. We felt so much better for a shower

In the afternoon we built Jack's birthday present from his family - a BBQ

it took over an hour but we were ok we werent stressed or confused it just took time. I have never owned a BBQ of such high quality in all my life!! we have had A LOT of different BBQs and this has been the best ever. I cant wait to show mum she will be impressed. even the packaging was good, the screws were heavy and yeah its very well made. They did not buy crap. id hate to know how much it cost! Jack is happy with it.

so we have a very very tired bunny

he never stayed still during the whole garage clean, he was constantly there where we were and hopping round it was very cute but hes usually having his morning sleep. He eventually collapsed as he'd had enough. Then just when he thought he was gonna have a sleep this afternoon, we decided to build the BBQ in the lounge so of course Mr.Nosey had to be involved. Since the BBQ he has just laid out, chin to carpet. he    is    done. He even looks tired bless him. He will sleep tonight!!

as for me, i can feel my body shaking its saying "youve done too much" I didnt tell Jack as I wanted to help him with the BBQ but I am glad I am not exercising today. Jo is done.

I ordered Jack some more school trainers online as his are knackered. My school trainers are fine but my everyday trainers are hurting my feet and when I went to look at them today did I realise WHY they were hurting. I have worn through the sole like Jack's school shoes, theres no padding left in them and all the inside sides are worn away. I dont feel like I have had them THAT long but I think I bought them 2 or so years ago when I think about it. So yeah theyre dead XD I havent been able to find any a like, any that arent' white....I cant be trusted with white shoes.....

After dinner i need to clean up my craft room and maybe do some drawing.

tomorrow

hopefully seeing mummy. I have been busy today, she feels worse today energy wise, also my brother is working from home today so mum has company an he doesnt want me being loud over there whilst hes working. I think we are also tackling the garage cupboard tomorrow. So it needs to be cleared out and dismantled. It is attached to the wall we think but its housing loads of spiders and rat crap its not gonna be a pretty job but its where the rat has been getting in so it needs to go (we dont use it it was there when we bought the house its a very old kitchen cabinet) and we need to be able to concrete the rat hole up

The car is sorted, but how much!?

 Evening

I was struggling to sleep last night so we got up for a bit and I had pain killers and fruit loaf. I did sleep after that and I got up at 8am

I had found out at 10pm that Mia had double booked me with her wedding food taster so I said we could meet next week. So I now had to choose something else to do today

it was 25c today but there was a breeze

we got ready and we left the house about 9:20am, we walked to my parents for a piece of paper my dad had printed out to tax the car with, then I walked with Jack to the post office. Turns out I didnt need that paper I walked for so that was a waste of time.

we taxed the car

we came home for a brew

we then both insured ourselves on the car

oh

my 

god

for a 2003 banger corsa

£159 for 6months road tax

£75 for 6months of more insurance

I was expecting a bad tax as older cars do suffer high tax. But the insurance....its an old car!!! I thought id have money returned to me NOT pay out for more!!! It cost Jack the same.

So glad I havent had to pay for the car AS WELL

its made it concrete to me that I DO NOT WANT TO KEEP THE CAR

I am NOT paying that out EVERY YEAR

I was sure to announce it to mum that everything had been done. God a weight had been lifted

We had lunch then at 1pm I went to go see my sickly mummy

mummy is so poorly she even hasnt been able to go to work.

So I stayed with her for 2 hours on the other side of the room. She appreciated the company

I walked back home - ahhhh so much walking today

I relaxed for a little while then did the dinner which was so good

had a bath then sat ordering a few presents online, I tend to do a lot of my christmas shopping during summer so I dont have a big expense all at once. Ive managed to get a fair few things actually.

I am home alone tonight

my Jack left me at 7:15pm to go meet with harvey theo and james to go for a few drinks. He wont be late as harvey and theo have work in the morning. but I hope he enjoys himself.

I will do some drawing, have a hot chocolate and play pokemon in bed by myself. I can manage

tomorrow

Jack is on about clearing the garage out a bit so I have that fun job to do.....so many spiders....

oh speaking of spiders, we are obsessed with the anime "so im a spider so what?" its so freaking good its really tempting to binge