16 done~

Konbanwa~

I didnt sleep well
I went to bed at 9pm shattered but could I sleep?
at 11pm I went downstairs for pain killers and sleep tablets
at midnight I got up went downstairs for cereal, a bit of dancing and yoga
fell asleep around 1am

Luckily taking the sleeping tablet meant i wasnt awake at 7am
as usual and living off 5-6 hours sleep
nope I woke up at 9:15am! the latest i've woken in days
I still got up and went for a run tho
it was cold and drizzly but I got it done, quite quickly too
i showered and didnt bother with breakfast at it was 11:30am
so i waited for lunch and had an amazing lunch X3

I sat and did some sewing then I thought I'd show the 16 I have done!
just 8 more to go~~

they're looking good :)

Adam had texted me "what time you coming up"
hmm convenient at 1:30pm
how the sundays have been going for the past however weeks is
adam wakes about 11:30am from doing two 12 hour shifts
he walks to the shops for lunch
he eats lunch
then he texts me saying he's ready for me
i go up to his house
i sit there talking to his parents whilst adam zones off on his phone
i paint his mum's nails
i sit round. i sit round some more
i go home
its dull, its boring and im sick of the boring routine our relationship is
to be honest not a lot grabs me about my relationship currently
so i text him back saying "not sure if i am coming up today"
he says "oh how come?"
i say "cus i dont think im in the mood for the monotonous Sunday"
he said "oh ok then"
and left it at that
i never not wanted to see him, if he wanted to walk to my house i wouldnt have stopped him but he stayed home doing not a lot with himself 
i didnt feel bad cus i was fed up with it all and thought id maybe get annoyed with him 

I went on my laptop and did a bit more work on adam's birthday present
not that i felt i wanted to do it but gotta be done
I got up and went for a 50 min walk
after doing 25min run and sewing i still had energy for that walk
trying to tire myself so i sleep tonight
so looking forward to my bed!
i got really sweaty walking it was so humid from the rain

i came in and had a brew and let the girls stretch in the hall
then my parents came back an hour later
i helped out a bit with stuff with mum
then went for a shower as i was cold

adam asked if i wanted to go bowling maybe next week
and i feel bitter towards it as even tho i know he's trying to suggest things i know its ME who has to drive and take us there and its grating on me
when he said months ago he was gonna learn to drive he hasnt even bothered applying for his license he just sits back in the passenger seat all the time happy and content to do nothing
and it is bothering me
i HATE it when people say they'll do something and dont actually do it
yeah like i said nothing in this relationship is doing anything for me lately
and its making me jaded and not wanting to see him cus im almost wondering what the point of any of it is. 
i know i need to talk to him about it
just dont feel that happy about stuff 

I could tell he'd missed me today not to mention he'd told me he's missed me
but a part of me feels 'yeah youve missed the routine of me being there' i dont feel he's missed ME hes just missed what he usually takes for granted to happen. I feel like a source of entertainment for him and even his parents. and i wasnt in the mood to play that game this week. I wanted to break the routine. 
he never takes me anywhere cus he cant because he cant drive
he never comes up with anything to do
he doesnt have a social life
he doesnt do anything
he is doing a job that 16-18 year olds do 
he stuck in time
and i hate that, i can never bare to watch time sit still
i fight
ive got to much fight in me
so much determination and motivation 
he hasnt, hes happy and content to watch life flutter by
and if thats what he wants to do then fine
but im moving on if he wants to do that as i feel he's holding me back
and just irritating me

tomorrow i have got karen for a massage at 9am
so i am taking the day off from exercise
no running or anything
day off
it will be very difficult for me!

tuesday i have psychiatrist at 3pm
at 6:30pm im seeing mia finally

wednesday i might be seeing Ed!!!!

thursday might see adam or make him wait til sunday

friday going shops on the other end of town with mum

so i got stuff lined up this week~