Bunny Face Doodle

Evening~

I sat and painted my nails last night whilst watching
the 3rd episode for Killing Eve
I was about falling asleep tho
I was shattered, didnt take me long to drop off
woke up at 8am

I stayed in pajamas I think til 10am
still did bits but couldnt face showering and being cold
i rang up centre parcs to ask why no one had called me about the elf job
i got told the same message "i will leave a message saying you called"
im bored of this farce now ive given up with it
disorganised people
yet another job i havent got 
i felt quite low in regards to jobs, working, earning money
as nothing is happening
i apply and apply and nothing happens
i wait for work and nothing happens
all my friends work and have moved out and moved on with their lives
what am i doing?
so i got all this off my chest to mum
walked off when i could feel my eyes welling up from pure frustration

I laid on my bed and thought about how easily I could mope on my bed for the day
sleep the day away and the next and the next
and ponder my existence
i didnt tho
and this is the part of me i never understand
just where does my motivation come from sometimes?
I got up and had a look for jobs, applied for a school job and found a saturday cafe job you have to actually take a CV in for in a local town i used to do my sewing courses in
so i thought id give it ago i might take a CV in tomorrow
probably be a complete waste of time but i will do it

i sat and drew
ive go my doodle number up to 40 now! 
all quite weird and depressing i suppose but theyre mine
my thoughts, emotions, dreams
mine alone
more to show the psychologist as he said he'd like to see what ive been doing

i had a bit of time home alone
despite aching like mad and my body feeling tired and heavy i did some dancing
i enjoyed it in the end
i started learning TWICE's BDZ which is fun
then i went on Just Dance 2 for a couple of songs
i was exhausted afterwards

Ive watched a total of 3 episodes of Natsume Yuujin Chou today!
sat and had my breakfast watching one
my lunch
then a brew
ive lived in my room today as i cant handle dad
hes done nothing wrong but im so tuned into him
even him breathing seems to annoy me today!
so ive stayed out the way for both of our benefits 
mum says she doesnt like seeing me holed up in my room on weekends 
no one else to spend the weekend with as everyone has partners and housework
most of the time anyway

i did some japanese
its getting hard again as its suffixs and its just mental learning them
im not sure i will ever get the hand of it but i aim to try 

went for a 50 min walk by myself

adam has been doing my nut in
honestly the guy is peeing me off
he mentioned again how he thought we were gonna be together forever 
i bit his head off with "alright adam i think everyone gets the point here!"
he said he will leave me alone
but still text me -___-
found out he'd talked to a friend about us and i get that i understand that
but he then showed her all the txt messages we'd sent to one another!!!
talk about invading privacy 
jesus
i never do that
but i guess if he wants to attention seek like that
then she had the nerve to say "i bet youll get back together again"!!!
my god thats the last he needs, someone giving him false hope like that
ugh humans why do i involve myself with them!?
dont feel like txting him for a bit 

i did some sewing today
well first i drew a design which i quite liked so i traced it on to lined paper and stuck it in the front of my doodle folder

then i stitched it on to my new running top my brought me

cute huh


tomorrow i will take a CV down to that cafe
and i will fetch my medication
exercise, draw and then start the running club  

Doggy Doodle

Konbanwa~~~~

I slept pretty well
Got up for park run
it was a cold morning I have to say
we had frost on the car wind screens -____-
autumn is truly here I guess~

We got to park run
and not many of mum's crew turned up
but I did order a runner club's jumper
I chose Cotton Candy Pink for my colour as I felt that suited me
pink always looks cute on me
its a hoodie jumper so I plan on opening the hood up
attaching cat ears and neatly sew it back up like it was always there XD
gotta be able to tell whos is whos right ;) 
mum's is blue

The park run was hard
I did find it hard like my muscles has seized up in the cold
my lungs burned in the cold air 
I just found it hard but kept going
somehow 
I ended up running by myself, I had like no people round me
so it was hard to pace myself 
I pegged it over the line over taking 4 men
satisfying is the word XD especially as they originally over took me
serves em right
i waited and waited for mum
i got cold
and when she did cross the line with a friend her friend said she'd wait for the rest
to finish and mum could take me home as i looked cold
i was much relieved at that
i managed 28 mins my fastest is 27
woops i clearly went too fast and hard!

i was frozen when i got in so went for a hot shower
mum kindly cleaned pets out
from there I spent all morning doing admin work
literally admin work
rang up the elf job to see what the crack is but they will ring me tomorrow
re-newed my driving license, my DBS check, I signed up for an NHS card I can take abroad should I need medical help it was free luckily.
Think that was all but all of them were not 5 minute jobs
and I got fed up of typing my details in! 
wasnt doing much else I guess

I went for a walk by myself 
just because I was aching and I wondered if it would help aching
it didnt
but it was such a lovely day it felt wrong to waste it in doors 
i came back and had a brew watching natsume yuujin chou 
then been drawing

drew this quickly

basically mum got a sad txt today
Karen who I've known for about 6 years now who gives me massages us
has got breast cancer...
gutted
life is not fair
so thats both lynn and karen this year with breast cancer
awful
it hit us hard actually 
i could see mum was upset 
we didnt know what to do for her as she hasnt told her daughters yet
so i suggested i did a doodle of her beloved labradors just to say
we were thinking of her 
so thats what i sat and did i hope she likes it
it will be going on her facebook

id like to do some drawing tonight
the 30 min doodle one
been wanting to do art all day but at first i couldnt remember what it was i was gonna draw!
ive remembered now tho
it will get done

mum brought me 2 long sleeve tops to go running in just two for £6 
im gonna stitch a design on them maybe tomorrow

also been looking at at baby crafts as a friend of the family gives birth shortly
ive suggested i make a blanket and give them that
so may do that
so i have a couple of things i could do tomorrow

been doing my japanese
i opened up a childs learning book i have and i could understand some of the start
so i reckon i could have ago soon
surprises me how much i can translate


adam has been doing my head in i told him off for being attention seeking
and not liking this side of him
hes started taking weight loss pills in the hope he'd lose weight now til we go 
on holiday which is 23rd october
i told him good luck as i cant imagine its gonna change mum now til then
so yeah hes not taking it well but dont know what he expects
he asked if there was a chance we could get back together
i said no not right now
he told hes been crying himself to sleep
its like dealing with a child hes not a man 
seriously 0.0 
thought this is how woman react not men
relationships truly arent worth the effort right now
told him im not going away with him when hes like this

Early Doors + Elf Interview

Evening~~~

So last night~
the 4 of us went out as an actual family (first time in god only knows how long)
to see a comedy show at the Ice Arena called Early Doors
we've had the tickets for months!
tickets were like £32! 

We parked up and me and my brother had been arsing around in the back
seats of the car just generally being idiots
but I always like messing around with my brother
I always join in as much as I can with him, were as stupid as one another

we got to the Ice Arena and there was a guy at the door to search bags
as you cant even take drinks in with you!
my brother was the only one amongst us with a bag, he had it vaguely searched
whilst my dad said "haven't got any sharps in there have you?"
his way of trying to be funny
highly inappropriate and we all cringed 
i dont think the poor guy knew what to say
as a lot of people dont when faced with dad's ''humour' 
i was all ready embarrassed and we hadnt even got inside yet!
my brother said "if he had said that 3ft away from the guy it would have been funny"
my mum said "you watch he's gonna say 'bomb' when at the air port next week!"
dad is an arse. end of.

we went to toilet and found out seats
we looked around and i think we only saw 5 other people mine and my brother's age
literally EVERYONE was my parents age
i cant tell you how anxious i was
i felt sick
i was obviously excited but nervous about sitting there for that length of time
i stood until the lights went out
i had the isle seat so i could stretch and fidget which i did. a lot

the show its self was really good
and about half the original cast were in it
photos my brother took and sent me

 the interval i got up out my seat and took a walk with my brother
my dad had sat next to me through the first half and to say its a comedy i dont think he laughed once, it was like being sat next to a statue, some fun
so the second part my mum made sure i was sat on the end with my brother
and i felt i enjoyed it more as i could sense his enjoyment 

the show finished 9:45pm
i was shattered but got to the car quietly
my dad moaned about the traffic out the car park
which i think was the most he'd spoken all evening
not sure if he enjoyed the night out or not
mum did i could tell she did but even her emotions are muted like dad is rubbing off on her
me and my brother enjoyed it tho

we got back and pajamas went on, gave Oz treats as it was too late
to sit with him inside then made a hot chocolate
brought my hot chocolate through to see mum pointing at a spider near the tv
i told her to get out the room she stresses me out
like on auto-pilot i grabbed a glass and card and went for it
dad just sat drinking his coffee i think he expected me to pass him the glass
it was a big house spider those beastly ones
normally i cant quite tackle those
but i felt nothing really and just let my body work for me
i got it and took it outside
mum was surprised that i had managed to tackle the big beasty
dad wasnt arsed
i went to bed and slept as i was to damn tired

this morning i got up at 7am and went for a shower
and got ready for my psychology appointment
he was on time at 9:30 we talked about what had been happening
i told him I had dumped adam I told him I felt nothing whilst doing it
and then i said in jolly louder voice "freedom"
he said "well you must feel some emotion as the way you said freedom implies some emotion"
i said "yeah I said it that way for your benefit, to see if youre paying close attention"
he kinda chuckled in disbelief 
well i like catching people out sometimes, gotta be on your toes round me
he went on and on tho and actually went over his appointment!
he never does that! and on a day I needed to leave on time to -___-
so  i left there drove home, ran in the house leaving the car running
toilet, drink and drove to Centre Parcs where the interview for the elf position was

i was worrying a lil over time but i got there on time
i was shocked how big the place was
like literally a village in the woods
mental
and i had no idea it was THAT big
i went to reception and said i was there for elf job and she said "you even look like an elf"
ehh?? ive been told that before that i have elven features 
she said "take it as a compliment!"
i sat waiting for one girl my age to come collect me
she sat me down in their activity centre
gave me a form to fill out as if i was an elf
so i had to write down my elf talents, name and christmas stuff
and draw a picture of me as an elf!
i felt ok about the interview until 3 woman called me through
gulp

one was like my mum's age the other two my age
and they were fine not snooty or dull
i had to stand up and tell them about my elf self
then i had interview questions 
then they told me about the role
and that was it
i went through some other section where they took my details for DBS check
so i had to fill out a form
i was there i reckon an hour all in all at centre parcs
got told id know today or tomorrow and seeing as they havent contacted me today
im assuming i will know tomorrow
i drove home and found i was home alone but mum had kindly made me a salad
still going with cutting down sugar and portions

mum came home and i filled her in
then mia rang she wanted to know about me and adam splitting up
i told her and she said he'd randomly sent her a facebook messaging saying "hello"
just what the hell!?
but she was already under strict instructions of not to contact him
which she stuck by as shes loyal to me
she says she felt bad ignoring him but i said its for the best as i dont want her
getting dragged into it
i didnt hear from him all day yesterday and then today at 10:30am
"im fine"
im fine? what kinda txt is that?
i left him to it not knowing how to reply
plus i was very busy this morning i didnt stop
then later at 4:30pm "are you ok?"
i replied "im fine :)" 
he said "good. im not"
i said "but you txted earlier saying you were fine...?"
he said "yeah it was a lie"
i said "thanks for the lie"
he said "i did it so you wouldnt worry"
i said "by telling me your not ok anyway?..."
he said "yeah i know. sorry"
then he blabbed on about still wanting me
but im unsure how hes managed to txt at 7pm on a friday night
as hes usually at work, behind a bar, unable to use his phone
so i asked "are you at work?"
but he hasnt responded, has he skipped work?

so in the after noon me and mum went for a walk
then i came back went on my laptop then went on Just Dance 1 
but i dont like it, full of oldie songs nothing new
not that i know english songs but i know whats 21st century 
20th century songs i cant stand
so i think i will stick to just dance 2 but im hoping to find number 3 

tomorrow i will be hopefully going park run in the morning
and i hope i do well in it
im a lil stuck what to wear as i dont have any long sleeves to wear 
but then i get warm in them but a t-shirt at the start is cruel and cold
last week i wore a jumper and got quite warm
after park run i dont have any plans
maybe do some art

Doodle Folder + sugar free diet

Alright~~~~

Well last night I was getting texts from adam like

"i want to be with you"

"i cant imagine being with anyone else"

"no one will compare to you"

"im never gonna get over you"

"i thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with you"

"i still love you"

im not sure what he hoped to achieve by sending these texts

I just said to him he'd get over me eventually 

he then said 

"I will go to the travel agent and ask for separate beds"

i said "dont worry im cool with sharing but do as you wish"

im not arsed ether way, shared beds with guys before 

just cus you share a bed with the opposite gender doesnt mean your gonna

jump each other's bones

at 9pm he said night, which I took as he didnt want to talk to me anymore that day

I watched Task Master and had a good laugh watching that

I woke up early again wondering if my phone was gonna ring

it didnt

I weighed myself this morning as 2 pairs of joggers have been slipping down

my arse so i wondered if it was them or me

it was in fact me

but what confused me was that I''ve put weight on

in the last year i have put a stone on

DOES NOT SIT WELL WITH ME!!!

so thats it now

diet

i hate the way i look anyway i hate the way my body feels now

its in the 9stone section not the 8

so id like to lose half a stone if i can which is 6lb i believe 

fed up

and my high sugar diet needs to stop

i have noticed ive eaten A LOT  of sugar over the weeks

to the point where i wonder if i am addicted 

need to detox 

but how is it i put weight on anyway?

i dont eat crisps, chocolate, fatty food, take away, alcohol 

i exercise EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY for at least half hour

so how do i put weight on?

it doesnt seem fair

and i almost think 'sod it ill eat what i want if i only gain weight anyway'

hate my body really do

so ive told mum im cutting down portion sizes and cutting down sugar

no need to increase exercise as i know i do enough 

fed up! want change now!

hate my body

Did 25mins of dancing i was dripping

did some skipping 

so I finished a drawing i was doing over the weeks

nothing amazing if im honest and will probably get edited as i go along

but done for now at least 

did some Japanese as I did none yesterday 

tidied up downstairs

I went on the wii for the first time

went on Just Dance 2 and enjoyed it

mum watched a bit i told her she could play too

she seems to think shes too uncooridinated but i was like

"look how bad i am!"

im gonna keep playing on it tho its so much fun

yet to do a dance by a male singer

so used to dancing to female singers that male feels weird

I went to the chiropractor

that was probably the worst session yet

i told her my feet face forward now and that i went running twice

she pulled my legs outwards whilst laying down and my knee caps were popping

its so disgusting the noise and the feel

she wasnt even cracking that joint she was testing flexibility and strength

she worked on that so my feet continue to face forward

i told her two symmetrical areas on the front of my shoulders kinda where

the shoulder meets the socket and those two point hurt the most on my whole body

and have done for years,, not even massage relieves them

i told her id like some help with them

shouldnt have said that

jesus the pain

she poked them and i HATE them touched

but im fine with pain and didnt wince

she said, whilst she had her thumb in it, "does it hurt when I touched them?"

i said "well it hurts when you have your thumb stuck in it"

she chuckled saying "wow you said that so calmly"

im good with pain

she was surprised at how much she could get my joints to click

areas that people mostly get 1 click i get like 4

dont have to go for another 2 weeks now and i have shoulder stretches to do daily

and now i hurt big style and knees feel horrible where they kept popping out of place

its all helping tho 

tonight I am going to the Arena in the city centre to see a show

with parents and brother

only my brother has been to a show before

so its a new one for the rest of us

we're gonna go see a comedy that used to be on TV called Early Doors

it was something my parents introduced me to

and when we saw them doing a live tour we thought we''d give it ago

all the years the arena has been there and never seen a show as there hasnt been one we'd like to see and none of us are into concerts.

it starts at 7:30pm

we're having a quick oven pizza before we leave 

we are towards the back on the seating but next to an aisle so i can get out if i need to 

to stretch and stuff. 

should be good it finishes 9:45pm

im really looking forward to it :D

not a cheap night out so it best be good

speaking of money

i will tell you what makes me sick

this week in the post i got two things to pay out for

my DBS check (to show im not a sex offender) 

and my new driving license 

driving licenses are photo ID and run out after 10 years

so year almost had mine 10 years!

DBS is £17 and License is £14

absoultely sickening considering i am getting nothing from that

does make me sick

I need a job i need money!

tomorrow

I have psychology appointment at 9:30am

woohoo  -__________-

then Im gonna come home and go back out again as I have

Santa Elf Interview at 11:30am

not nervous I just want to know if I can have the job or not XD

got my outfit and documents ready

just wanna get it done!

sure I will be nervous when Im there 

but I will be myself~

ive had that many interviews now I should be pro XD

wish me luck

ganbarimasu~

Oh and here is the folder I got for A5 30 min doodles I do

theres 60 wallets and Ive done 38 pieces so far

im glad to see them neatly together 

even tho theyre rubbish and depressive i still feel the need to keep and do them

its 5:10pm

not heard from adam all day...

its quite odd

but im fine giving him space

Single Again~~

Evening~~

Last night at Mia's we had a catch up
and then I taught her yoga for about half hour
she did well and enjoyed it, she wants me to do more with her
I said I would but Im glad she enjoyed it

I didn't sleep too badly
but I was awake from 6:30am
think a part of me is paranoid that the phone will ring for work for me
but it didnt
I txted mia this morning asking if she hurt but she said she was fine
so I told her Id work her harder next time~

I cleaned my pigs out and stuff
I did some dancing for 20 mins and did a bit of skipping
but stopped once muscles hurt 
showered and then went to do some drawing on my laptop
I helped decorate a cake mum baked too
had lunch

then me and mum went out after lunch
just to a home store
so many beautiful halloween decorations 
i didnt get anything
mum brought (which i found) Too Faced Semi Sweet Eyeshadow set
usually thats about £38 in shops but it was here for £16
so we got that I look forward to having a go with it
it smells of chocolate and looks like a chocolate bar
we went for a walk down the canal by the store
then went home 

i had a quick brew then went to adams
kinda dreading it but had gotten used to the idea of parting with him
man it was hard

so he near enough went straight to his room which worked for me
as i didnt want to do it in front of his dad
we talked about our week 
i had obviously done more than he had
i told him to tell me about his "break down" as he had called it
he basically said that I had been hard work, im emotionless, he cant give me affection without me recoiling away from him, im snappy and snarky, dont give affection. His mum had noticed all of this too apparently
i kinda thought "right i'll use those"
so i said basically that I was struggling with my mental health, how i dont feel anything and we've both noticed i havent loved him really past few months, how my other half hates him and i have to deal with that hatred and frustration, its stressing me out to deal with affection i cant cope with or give out, im sick of disappointing him as i cant be that way with him and i know he likes affection, how it feels dishonest telling someone you love them when you dont.
i could tell after i said those things that it was sinking in what i was saying that I need a break
that maybe i will stop being so snarky ans snappy and unhappy if i have a break from it all
i could tell this was killing him
i wasnt looking at him i just laid on his bed waiting for him to speak
he said "cant you talk to your therapist about not feeling emotions?"
i said "i can but they dont help with relationships"
i wasnt backing down from this i was doing it
and trying to do it as cleanly and nicely as i could
i didnt want tears or fights
eventually he came out with something i had to ask him to repeat as i couldnt believe he came out with it 
"well Ed will be happy now wont he"
i said "whats Ed got to do with this?"
he said "well cus youd be single"
i said "ive known him longer than you and i went out with YOU not him. Besides Im english so we cant go with one another."
i said "make it sound like i had something on the side"
i had to go anyway cus I was gonna go to a running club
so I went to leave luckily his dad was outside so i didnt have the awkwardness 
i gave adam a hug whilst he silently cried
and said Id see him around
I had made it clear I was not erasing him from my life, id like to be his friend as thats how ive been with him lately anyway, id still go Tenerife with him but as a friend and that he can have as much space as he likes

did i cry? what did I feel?
nothing
complete emptiness 
numb
did feel happy, sad, relief
nothing
bit psychopathic really
still dont feel anything
a part of me was sad for him and didnt want to see him hurt
another part of me thought i should be scared i feel nothing
both things were tiny and didnt effect me really

so im single
and plan to be for a long time
i wish to enjoy life
i wish to get mentally and physically better
i wish to mentally mature too
just not ready for another relationship
dont want to be tied down

came home did some yoga
i left to go running club with mum
she spoke to a few runners asked if they could keep an eye out for me
as i didnt have the uniform on so looked like a random runner
i paced really well and was at the front the whole way
very hilly quite fast in places but good
felt like id worked

came home had dinner and showered
now gonna watch task master
tomorrow i have chiropractor at 4pm and a show at 7:30pm

adam has texted me since
he doesnt seem to be doing well
i think its gonna take a long time for him to get over me

My Wii Came! Went to a farm

Evening~~

I slept between the hours of 2am and 7am
brilliant 
i was shattered
it was my first morning of being on call for school work
i laid there in bed wondering if my phone would call
took me til 7:45am to realise i had my phone set on priority
so its on silent from 9pm to 8am
so of course its not gonna ring!
i need to find a way to take priority off it, i had ago today and couldnt do it
gotta ask for brothers help thats how pathetic i am
well in saying that last night for the first time i ever used google images on my phone!
i wanted to show my brother a picture and rather than take my laptop to him
i thought id challenge myself and try my phone
i managed it fine
didnt dare tell my brother that was my first time on google images
he would have pulled a face or snarked a remark

I went downstairs at 12:30am to do some yoga
i had some cereal
i ached so much so i took a few pain killers
went back to bed at 1:30am

the post man came at 8:15am with my Wii!

look at that! 2007, its old XD
ive managed to set it up but havent actually played on it
there was a game already inside it
guess it was left in there by mistake 
it was only brain training and believe me i wont be using that!!
annoyingly it has been updated so i cant play japanese games on it
but Ed knows how to chip them so they can play anything
i may call on his services~

So today I did some dancing for 25 mins
which went well today actually ^^
i then went and did a bit of skipping but had to stop as i could feel it pulling
at joints and stuff its not worth causing more grief
i went for a shower and then i went on my laptop
did some digital drawing, managed to get a halloween picture finished 
i then did a bit more of another picture ive been working on

Afternoon came round and me and mum decided to go for a walk
just locally and it was good just very windy
we said we would check out this garden centre that had shut for a while this year
it was open and mum offered a drink
so we sat out in the autumn sunshine having a brew and shared a piece of cake
yes another piece of cake!
i eat too much bad stuff lately its relentless 
good tho, bloody good cake 
we noticed the farm was still on site
not that we've ever been round as its small and expensive but it advertised that
it was only £3 entry so we decided to go!

we were kindly given a bucket of chopped apple to give the bigger animals
we looked at the bunnies and guineas 
i fed goats which were greedy
the pigs my god the pigs scared me, so brutal over food! like guineas but with more weight and power behind them XD fighting over food tho and the noises they made were funny
scary feeding them tho
i walked straight by llamas as they looked ready to take me on
i felt a bit scared
im not scared of animals but i am scared or weary of being bitten or spat at
we had a good time for £3 
we left and came home to put our piggies outside

ive watched an episode of Natsume
and did a bit more drawing

tonight at 7pm im going over to mia''s
taking my yoga mat as she would like to do some yoga 
see how that goes anyway
i just hope it all goes ok 
i cant imagine teaching her but we shall see 

i havent spoken to adam much lately
nor has he spoken to me much
he says hes got a driving lesson tomorrow and see me afterwards
but im unsure what im doing tomorrow
might go out with mum again if im still not working
then see him later on
i just know when i see him we''ve got to have that awful breaking up talk!

Got Just Dance + interview friday

Evening~~

It took me til gone midnight to sleep
just couldnt sleep
i acheddddddddd
sick of aching
but its because im using muscles ive never really used or strengthened before
chiropractor sessions are brutal XD
i have noticed my left foot wants to try and creep inwards again tho >.>

Anyway this morning me and mum sat together
with the pigs on our knee having a brew
we were having a brew not the pigs XD
but i like mornings like that
we got ready to go into the city centre 

we didnt really need anything but thought we'd go for something to do
I managed to pick up Just Dance and Just Dance 2 
one for £2.50 and the other for £3.50
wow theyre cheap right! 
mum got a couple of dvd series to watch with dad
cant say I like Ripper Street XD
we mooched round a few shops
I love looking at halloween decorations I truly do
every year im round them ^^

I picked up a bra from debenams reduced to £6.40 from £22
its only a bit of rag really and I would no way have paid £22 for it!
my bras are so tiny its seems criminal to charge that much for em!
for how much fabric youre actually getting XD

we sat and had cake and a brew
luckily we shared cake so i didnt feel too bad about it
but i feel i have eaten a shed load of cake lately
i am gonna be fat at this rate
good cake tho
mum says id been hard work all day like taking a teenager round
but my head is a real mess so its hard to rain it in
also im in a lot of pain so that doesnt help matters

we came home and i had a piece of bread and cereal for lunch
then i went to sleep
i had had enough i really had
so i gave in for the first time in a long time and had an hour
just felt like crap

i was woken up by my mobile i had a call from a random number
it was the Christmas Temp job I had applied for
I was happy that they had rang me, and they said training was 26th october
but i told them i am away then
so she said she''d call me back
i missed the phone call as i had chosen to ring 1 agency and ask that i be put on call for the mornings that i wanted to try it
i rang this christmas temp up
and she said she's willing to put me for training by myself
guessing she thought something of me
the job i have applied too, much to dads disgust is...
santa's elf!
yup i could be an elf!
they give you an outfit and do make up and everything!
its totally up my street
it would only be for 6 weeks but im sooooo up for it
and hoping i get it
pay is terrible but im not arsed as its only for 6 weeks 
and its something new and different to do
so on friday at 11:30 i have an interview
apparently theres a bit of an interview then an activity where i have to use my imagination and make up an elf name and im pretty sure thats an interview i can do
if its something i can do its imagination X3
it sounds very similar to my job interview at mad science back in the day
anyway im looking forward to it
i hope i get it!

i also had a phone call from my psychologist confirming my appointment on friday
said he got a message last week saying id phoned up about this week's appt...?
what? i never phoned
found that weird
but still seeing him friday anyway

i did a drawing
just one of my doodles really
in fact my A5 folder to hold my work should come this week
ive cut out my sketch book all my art pieces and i counted them
and ive done 38 pieces~~ not bad huh
they will be neatly in a folder
not that im keen on anyone seeing my folder
im hoping my wii comes this week also

i did some japanese
and i made beans on toast for myself
mum has gone walking with the crew as she does on a monday
but shes thinking of going wednesday this week as we cant make yoga
ive asked her to ask them if i can go with the runners on the wednesday whilst mum goes with the walkers, you have to pay £10 per year membership which is crazy cheap but i wanted to come along first and have ago before paying out
mum says if i like it i have to buy the hoodie uniform XD geeks XD

tomorrow i havent planned my day as of yet!
sure ill think of something
cant say ive wanted to see adam hes so depressive lately
he said to me "ive brought you something"
i told him "you better not have"
he said "i have"
i said "why?" i dont need anything"
he said "to say sorry"
i said "well tell me sorry and not waste your money i dont need anything"
he said "I cant buy for my girlfriend?"
i said "no,, take it it back, refund yourself"
he said "what if i give it you anyway?" 
i said "i will be peeved and yell at you"
he pulled face emojis at me like he has been doing past few days
i told him "im not pitying you on this, stop pulling stupid faces"
he said "ok fine, whats got you like this?"
I said "nothing i just think youve been pathetic lately"
he said "thanks"
he just has talk about pity party for one
ive not wanted to see him when hes like this
he sounds really fun to be around
maybe he knows ive had enough of him
not looking forward to seeing him anyway
kinda hoping i can wait til wednesday then its been a whole week since i would have seen him

i will entertain myself one way or the other

might dance in my room tonight
id love to learn 2 dances but theyre hard and no dance shot
Monogatari's Re:born
AKB48 Uza

my nails this week, but didnt outline my other hand as i lost interest