I sat and painted my nails last night whilst watching
the 3rd episode for Killing Eve
I was about falling asleep tho
I was shattered, didnt take me long to drop off
woke up at 8am
I stayed in pajamas I think til 10am
still did bits but couldnt face showering and being cold
i rang up centre parcs to ask why no one had called me about the elf job
i got told the same message "i will leave a message saying you called"
im bored of this farce now ive given up with it
disorganised people
yet another job i havent got
i felt quite low in regards to jobs, working, earning money
as nothing is happening
i apply and apply and nothing happens
i wait for work and nothing happens
all my friends work and have moved out and moved on with their lives
what am i doing?
so i got all this off my chest to mum
walked off when i could feel my eyes welling up from pure frustration
I laid on my bed and thought about how easily I could mope on my bed for the day
sleep the day away and the next and the next
and ponder my existence
i didnt tho
and this is the part of me i never understand
just where does my motivation come from sometimes?
I got up and had a look for jobs, applied for a school job and found a saturday cafe job you have to actually take a CV in for in a local town i used to do my sewing courses in
so i thought id give it ago i might take a CV in tomorrow
probably be a complete waste of time but i will do it
i sat and drew
ive go my doodle number up to 40 now!
all quite weird and depressing i suppose but theyre mine
my thoughts, emotions, dreams
mine alone
more to show the psychologist as he said he'd like to see what ive been doing
i had a bit of time home alone
despite aching like mad and my body feeling tired and heavy i did some dancing
i enjoyed it in the end
i started learning TWICE's BDZ which is fun
then i went on Just Dance 2 for a couple of songs
i was exhausted afterwards
Ive watched a total of 3 episodes of Natsume Yuujin Chou today!
sat and had my breakfast watching one
my lunch
then a brew
ive lived in my room today as i cant handle dad
hes done nothing wrong but im so tuned into him
even him breathing seems to annoy me today!
so ive stayed out the way for both of our benefits
mum says she doesnt like seeing me holed up in my room on weekends
no one else to spend the weekend with as everyone has partners and housework
most of the time anyway
i did some japanese
its getting hard again as its suffixs and its just mental learning them
im not sure i will ever get the hand of it but i aim to try
went for a 50 min walk by myself
adam has been doing my nut in
honestly the guy is peeing me off
he mentioned again how he thought we were gonna be together forever
i bit his head off with "alright adam i think everyone gets the point here!"
he said he will leave me alone
but still text me -___-
found out he'd talked to a friend about us and i get that i understand that
but he then showed her all the txt messages we'd sent to one another!!!
talk about invading privacy
jesus
i never do that
but i guess if he wants to attention seek like that
then she had the nerve to say "i bet youll get back together again"!!!
my god thats the last he needs, someone giving him false hope like that
ugh humans why do i involve myself with them!?
dont feel like txting him for a bit
i did some sewing today
well first i drew a design which i quite liked so i traced it on to lined paper and stuck it in the front of my doodle folder
then i stitched it on to my new running top my brought me
cute huh
tomorrow i will take a CV down to that cafe
and i will fetch my medication
exercise, draw and then start the running club
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