Evening~~
So yesterday I got up and ready for school
At the moment with my current diet I have noticed my medication is hitting me hard
so when I take it at 6:50am its usually an hour later I feel quite sick
then around 9ish I tend to feel a bit spaced out and dizzy
but what can I do but continue on?
so yesterday at work I was feeling dizzy and stuff
I was on the floor next to jack whilst we looked at stuff online for science
the phone rang, i got up to answer it and never actually answered it...
next thing i knew i was on the floor in the prep room
luckily it was just me jack and chris
jack got chris to phone for the nurse -___-
when she came wheeling the wheel chair in i said "you called the nurse?"
he said "course I did, you fainted!"
so they revived me and a couple of male science teachers walked in, saw me
one of them the nurse got to make me a cup of tea XD
jack was saying i should go home but i told him i didnt want to
id had enough of this happening and had enough of being poorly and going home
so i said i wanted to stay
so i basically had sitting down jobs to do all day
and jack told me what he was doing and where is was going and that i wasnt to get up
i said "but what if someone comes to the door?"
he said "sod the door you stay there"
so my day was a lil dry and very hard work as i felt like death and looked it apparently
i had both male teachers asking how i was later on
one was surprised i was still even in school
after school finished i went over to jack's house
as i had been promised since monday an actual white hot chocolate
and that was what had been keeping me going all day
knowing we'd pop out just the two of us an have a hot chocolate
i told him "we get in, we get dressed and we go out dont let me sit down cus i wont get back up for a long time"
so thats what we did
and the hot chocolate was soooo nice and it comes with a hand made chocolate too
so good
we brought some chocolates to snack on
jack cooked dinner i didnt help as i was just dead
but it was the day i was introducing egg to my diet
and i just had the 1 egg, my stomach hurt a little bit but im putting that down to shock XD
then i just sat with him and theo
theo had been gym and i commented on how defined his leg muscles were looking
but he told me he needs to lose more body fat for other areas to look more defined
he then went on to say that woman can have a higher body fat than men and look thinner
so he googled this, and googled different body fat percentages on men and woman
so i was looking and jack kept trying to change the subject until he took an interest in his own phone and kept looking at me
when i went downstairs he followed me and cuddled me
i was like "you alright?"
he said "i just didnt like you seeing that sort of thing, it worries me. what with how your head is. i just didnt want theo showing you stuff to do with weight and fat and stuff"
he worries ><
i said "Im actually doing pretty alright it hasnt started any thoughts into action and i dont feel the need to overdose to get me through the night"
he seemed relieved
i went to bed about 20mins before jack as he was finishing clearing up after making soup
and i slept really well i think cus i was just so dead!
this morning i got up leaving jack in bed
after my shower i motivated him to getting up
i didnt feel too bad this morning
we got to school and i was feeling off and stuff
but ive just got to get used to it
we're all hoping/thinking that when i start eating some actual carbs and more food i should be better and it might give my tablets something to be absorbed by
i keep having anorexic thoughts, like a part of me wants to continue on with the diet just because i have the possibility of losing more weight but i know i cant stay on this diet even if i wanted to as i would start to make myself sick.
just fed up of the thoughts really
i got home
felt like an achievement completing the school day
i got Oz out straight away
and he sat on my knee straight away
we'd missed one another i think
then i went yoga
i didnt mouth off and even demonstrated for karen
it had nothing to do with the fact she had a special mat facing her mat just for me ^^;
i got in and made an omelet for dinner
egg again but ive had stomach pains so im wondering whats up there
im gonna have egg again tomorrow
i also made biscuits
got all my stuff ready for school
unpacked stuff from jacks
doing my diary and its 8:45pm
i havent stopped
still last day tomorrow
then weekend of freedom!
introducing bread at the weekend!
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