bee sting

 Evening~~

There's not much left of me if i am honest

but I am not the only one complaining, all the staff at school are exhausted

we all look haggered and knackered

i've felt dizzy more than a few times 

Yesterday was busy - as usual

after school i went over to jack's 

we had a brew and a sit down then I was gonna come shops with him as there was a few things we needed, one of which being supports for my elbow and knees. but he told me to have a bath whilst he went out. So I did. I wanted to go with him but I listening. My joints had been giving way a few times whilst carrying things and my body was exhausted and screaming in pain, i could have cried to be honest

so i soaked myself, when i got out jack got back after a few mins and he massaged my calves and lower arms which was kind of him, they were so rigid 

we didnt do much to be honest,  we made dinner which i didnt really enjoy or have much of

then we played on switchs cus there really wasnt much left of the evening

i was in bed for 10pm i was done

this morning my god i did everything for jack

considering one morning this week he has, forgot to set his alarm, no time for a coffee, only just got here on time. This morning i prepped breakfast, made the tea and coffee, got lunch ready, took his clothes off the drier and folded them, made the bed. Whilst he faffs getting ready, he takes longer than me! and i have hair to blow dry and tie up, and make up if i can be bothered! he told me how much better i make his morning and how amazing i am. im just a morning person he just really isnt. 

school was hard, honestly i almost went home

it hurts to walk. i cant lift much

im finding everything so damn difficult, but jack managed to get some elbow supports from the shops yesterday, they are not comfy to wear and im not sure how much they actually help but i wore them til 2pm when i had just had enough of wearing the damn things

I left for home and sat with Oz and the girls with a brew which was nice

then i pushed myself for a walk with mum

came home and did some yin yoga - which i am really hurting from! Yin yoga is holding yoga positions for minutes instead of seconds

had dinner and a shower as i do feel quite gross from school, so many germed up equipment 

we currently have 7 students self isolating, the number keeps increasing

no direct cases of students having corona yet tho

i have ordered online a set of elbow and knee supports from the UK and a set from china

all made from different things so i will just try to see what helps

hate spending money on my health

tomorrow is friday although today feels like it should be friday to be honest

i have no idea how i am gonna get through another day

there will be nothing left of me by the end of the day

i have 2 A-level practicals tomorrow too >.>

straight after school I am going over to Nigel's for treatment

the thought of him giving me more pain makes me sick but it will help in the long run

speaking of pain i got stung by a bee today

it was on the pavement and i picked it up, i always pick them up if i see them on the pavement or road cus bees are important and i put them on grass or flowers. but this ungrateful bee stung me!! can you believe that! i cant remember the last time i was stung. i was well impressed by the pain. my finger end went hot and swelled up but i wasnt home i was walking with mum so yeah i got on with it and carried on walking. quite enjoyed the pain in a sick and twisted way. it was a different pain for a change something different to focus on. then i had the thought

i can see why people self harm