continuing with noibat and pumpkaboo

 Evening

Sleeping tablet did not do what it said on the tin....could not sleep so yeah I got up for a bit and took more pain killers woohoo -_____-

I got this morning and pushed my self to do an hour's walk, it was quite pleasant as the sun was actually out but the breeze was very cold.

I got back and was sweating XD I had a brew tho and then a much needed shower

think i fell asleep at some point as it was a sunday - my worse day of the week - made longer by 1 hour and yeah i could not face the whole day so escaped into sleep

when i woke up i trimmed truffle's fur and she looks loads better, i cant believe how good she was! she was like a statue she really was, very well behaved and trotted off happily when i finished sheering her

good job done as she was becoming untidy, its not as short as her summer coat tho as she needs to be warm now.

I did 30mins of yoga but didnt feel much better for it

then sat at my laptop where i have been all sodding afternoon, just in my room out the way as i feel the family is at each other's throats today. Today was the first time i thought "actually yeah i think i am ready to move out" and i have never had that thought before. even buying a house i havent thought about being ready to move out ive always been happy where i am but today i feel was a bit of a tipping point

i laid on my bed today and thought, "when was the last time i was happy?"

and i cant remember, i feel like ive been wadding through a dark cloud of pain and confusion for a long time now. people say "talk about it" i dont feel i want to. i havent talked to any of my friends for a while now, even today i dont really want to txt jack, i havent txted him since this mornning - and no he didnt book his driving test surprise surprise - i just want to be left to my bubble ans shut my self away from it all, from feeling. i thought about self harming today but didnt luckily. just not happy and not sure how to make things better.

i tried working on stuff for work today on my laptop but could not achieve what i wanted to so i will have another go another time. so i have done a bit more of the pumpkaboo noibat picture

trying to get it done for halloween!

i might have a run through of ima nanji before i go downstairs

im dosing on pain killers tonight i just had enough of it all

tomorrow got the house to myself thank bloody god

but i might pop out to the shop as i want to get another oil diffuser as i had one before and it did help a bit with my sleep, but the oils made the inside go weird and leak so i chucked it and never replaced it but im thinking id like another go with it. so i will go on the hunt for another one tomorrow.