worked from home a day early than planned

 evening

I couldnt sleep last night

I was stressing about not sleeping, school, life

I got up and jack bolted up right "WHAT!?" errr 0.0; 

I thought 'jesus hes really mad cus I cant sleep'

I said "erm Im just going toilet" ^^;

he said "right" and fell down to sleep

I left him as I thought he was mad at me

so I worked on some drawings for school and when my thoughts took a dark turn at 3am I decided to bite the bullet and wake him

turns out he remembers nothing about shouting at me. He must have done it in his sleep....scary

so we had fruit loaf and tea then went to bed at 3:45am when I finally got some sleep

I had had A LOT of medication

I woke up at 6:15am to my alarm dripping in sweat and shaking, my heart pounding

awful way to start the day. Had a dream about the friend that died a couple of weeks ago

I took Jack to school. It was clear I was not fit for school

I came home and slept til lunch I was dead.

I had lunch then did some drawing

Mum came over for a bit, then I did some dinner prep and got Oz in who is happy bun today. Hes been playing on the wet grass and I think its helped clean his bum a bit. Mum brought my packages over today and one was his probiotic. I have put it in his water dish but hes a bit sceptical of it. I have seen him drink from it once.

Jack came home and I talked to him for a bit whilst doing some yoga

I did dinner not that I wanted it

Then I laid on the bed, since Jack had come home I had shed a few tears as he wants me to go school tomorrow and I cant face it. When he found me on the bed he said I could stay home tomorrow. I feel I can get more work done at home than at school right now anyway.

i cant face going tomorrow. Hearing 2 classes nail rats down to boards by their paws. Its harrowing and I cant deal with that in my current state.

Ive cried as Im tired, so so tired. and stressed out which is amping my pain through the roof

I had a shower now just waiting for Jack to have his shower

I will take him work tomorrow and work on science club posters.

I just want to die to be honest. I am just so done.

im just not good at being human. Everyone else seems to manage it so well i just seem to constantly struggle and battle through life...