We didn't go out out

 Evening

So last night I didnt sleep great. I was waking up cold and anxious. Also having nightmares. Think I was cold from sweating caused by nightmares.

It was all because I was worrying about driving to derbyshire and back + walking

I honestly wasnt sure if I could manage it all

So this morning I had breakfast which didnt sit well on my anxiety churned stomach

Jack asked what was - like what was really up

so I told him, I asked if we could go sherwood pines instead

he said "its still a 40mins drive there, a good hour walk round. Why are we doing all this just to kill yourself? youre not gonna enjoy it, Im not gonna enjoy seeing you like that. We dont have to go out, I enjoy spending time with you no matter what we do. I know you want to go places but right now your body is still recovering"

yeah...hes right

I just find it hard to accept

he said "besides we have our whole lives to go places"

i said "so its me being impatient again then?" XD

I just hate my illness ruining things as always

so he suggested a walk near the river and a picnic in the garden

so what we did was drive to the river trent which is a 5-10min drive, we did a walk and on the walk is the cafe I went with mum to last week. We had tea and cake which was sooooooooooooo good I was so happy. Jack always picks me up. He never makes me feel like a let down or disappointment or holding the relationship back. He is just happy spending time with me ^^

we walked back along the river to the car

as soon as we shut the car door - rain full on rain

as soon as  we pulled up the drive way it stopped completely

so we didnt get wet!

We couldnt sit outside and picnic tho as it rained again

mum picked us up at 1:30pm and we went to a garden centre for plants. We spent £50 on plants and compost. It was pricy as we went for more established plants rather than babies, simply because they stand a chance of surviving against Oz. He eats baby plants as a starter. No matter how hard we try to protect them - he finds and devours 

We dropped the plants off and went to another garden centre and I got cacti soil as my stuff came today and I can finally repot a load cacti I have ^^

I was exhausted by this point, not to mention I didnt really have lunch as what I had got for lunch I didnt like so didnt eat it! I didnt have time to get anything else as mum was coming for us. So I was tired and hungry but just had a cup of tea when I got in as it was 3pm.

After a sit, I went for an early bath, a very very hot bath tho to kill off the aches

now just waiting for jack to finish in the tub then I can put the noodles on. We have korean noodles tonight I put the broth bit in the slow cooker this morning I hope it tastes ok! 

then tonight I need an easy night so might draw or something

I have plenty to draw I just been unmotivated to draw

tomorrow

think we will have a quieter day

I am certainly going to sort my cacti out!!!

I have had a really nice day tho

I have done a river walk with my Jack and had amazing cake

I then went out with Jack and mummy to choose plants

coming home to my Ozwald chasing pigeons.

Its been a good day. Not how I thought it would go but maybe better. I am grateful for the people around me.

we said that in future if we make any plans to have a 'back up' plan so I dont feel the pressure I put on myself to do the plans and feel like we will still do something.

we also said we might have an over night stay at water fall place so I can manage it better and it breaks it down a bit. But thats a future problem