so many bite marks

 Evening

I slept til 4am which is when a nightmare woke me, then 5am then 6am and finally 7am which is when I decided to get up and get rid of my stomach content, I hate dying on the toilet the moment I wake up >.>

I didnt do a great deal this morning, I did 10mins of weights and I did some drawing, I snacked and then at 12:15pm I headed off for massage. Which was sooo good. i feel loads better

I was ravenous after tho as it was almost 2pm and I hadnt had lunch. I had breakfast at 7:30am T^T

So we had a late lunch then I had a hot bath as I was oily from massage, must say it did feel weird having a bath at 2:30pm in the afternoon! I felt exhausted and laid on my bed and played pokemon for half hour. I got up and had a cup of tea then mum rang for half hour

then I cooked Donburi for the 2nd time, yeah its not a bad meal, I feel like something is missing tho. Too oniony in my opinion. 

Its 6:30pm I have washed and done some exercise (should never exercise after a massage so I did some weights this morning) and I have the rest of the evening to get through. I dont even need to water the garden as it rained today!

Oz has been in a lot today, sorry, hes not actually been outside today >.> I gave him the option of going out but he didnt want to. However he did get kicked out for 10mins by Jack this morning as Oz kept mounting me and Jack just picked him up, threw him out to cool off! he is rather randy lately. I have a lot of bite marks from were he latches on....I was dreading Charlotte asking me during my massage "what are all these marks?" but she didnt luckily. what do I say? "yeah sorry theyre literal rabbit love bites!"

tomorrow

already half way through the week T^T

think mum is popping round at some point to help with the garden. Apart from that we have nothing planned. I will probably be dead from massage anyway so I have wrote the day off.

I hope I sleep tonight

Litwick Narrative

 Evening

I was up til 12:30am as I was aching. I got up and I ate a fair amount, I was hungry and felt sick. I went to bed and kinda slept. I was up at 7:30am as I woke up and needed pain killers! Jack got up at 8:15am

I had breakfast with loaf. Bless him, I spend so much time with that bun. This morning I was on the floor for half hour just fussing that little face off. I love him so much. I spend a lot of time with him. hes never lonely. The time I do put him in his cage is literally to sleep! hes out the rest of the day ether outside or with me.

So this morning we went to asian supermarket and picked up a few bits but sadly they didnt have any rice cakes! not even frozen ones! totally sold out. So that was disappointing for Jack. We stocked up on noodles haha Jacks's treat cupboard is full. We then went pet shop and spent £23 on Oz just on hay and sawdust as I buy in bulk otherwise id be down there every week.

We got back and had a cup of tea

then I kept Jack company in the garden, both me and Oz kept him company

Mum came over for lunch then I went to bed but didnt really sleep as I was  aching

I got up and did some drawing, working on my next piece. But here is my litwick piece.

I was about falling asleep so I got on with dinner which was full english for jack and egg, beans and sausage which was nice actually. I then went to do a work out as I cant do one tomorrow due to having a massage. So I wanted to go for it today. However Jack made me calm down and think rationally and so I just did a 25min work out which was actually ok but when I finished I hurt. And washing myself afterwards in the bath was harder effort than the workout!!

Grow with JO has just put out this video its 58 mins long and tests your fitness. I really really wanna do it but Jack was telling me off >.> fun police. He says I can work out but doesnt want me killing myself. My stupid determination would see me through the 58mins just because thats how I am even if it kills me!

I might do some more drawing whilst I wait for Jack to come out the bath.

just be anime and pokemon tonight

tomorrow

got massage at 12:30. So I guess I will have lunch when I come home then have a bath. Be a bit of an odd day really but it was just when I could fit in with her. I am desperate for a massage.

My legs hurting and probably gonna ruin my week off

 Evening

I played pokemon by myself in bed last night til about 9:30pm, I couldnt keep my eyes open any longer than that. I kinda knew when Jack got into bed. I kept waking up to get comfy again as I was aching in my sleep, joy! I had a dream about Karen and I woke up with tears on my face. I do miss her. My dream was me trying to find her, to tell her things I never got to say to her.

I got up at 7:50am and had breakfast by myself. Jack was asleep and I booted Oz outside. I cleaned the bathroom and got ready to go shopping. I was done in! But I wanted to get some chores done whilst my legs weren't in total agony 

We got shopping done with, wasnt too bad but my legs hurt by this point I have to say.

we got back and had a brew with Ozwald. we gave him a mini carrot and he loved it.

I cooked meat and we had lunch. I went to lay on the bed but I couldnt sleep as I knew Jack had gone outside to garden and I know how much he hates gardening. I felt to guilty to just lay there. So after half hour I got up and went out with him. I tried to do some gardening and I planted a plant but at this point my legs AND back were screaming at me. I had to stop. But I wanted to do more!!! I continued but I got told off by Jack he told me to leave it all.

So I went inside and did an hour of yoga/weights. I did feel better for doing that

we had a brew and then I went for an early bath then made biscuits then did dinner

I love having dinner in pjs!

I think I will hopefully get my Litwick picture done tonight, I know what picture I want to do next as well. its only 6:20pm so I have time~

I told Jack he can go game tonight if he wants to but he said he would like to spend some time with me tonight. Which is fine. So it will be anime and pokemon in bed ^^

tomorrow

its school holidays so no school!!

ORIGINALLY we planned to go to derby for the day but I am struggling to be on my feet. I really do think at this rate I am literally not going to be able to go anywhere! So i think it will be a home day. i am gonna try not let it all get to me and do something I enjoy like starting my new painting or something. Maybe see mum I shall see.

I have a massage on tuesday so fingers crossed it helps my legs. But its a double edge sword as a massage knocks me out for 2-3 days. trade one evil for another i guess

so goodbye to holidays

Alpaca Walk

 Evening

I was playing Pokemon til around 10pm by myself in bed. I think I got woke up by Jack coming to bed around 11pm. I woke up at 8am. So nice to not have to get up at 6am

I felt disappointed as I felt tired, achy and my legs hurt. Not a good set up for the day ahead I had got

So i went and cleaned Oz's cage and I cleaned the girls cage out from last week.

I did some drawing and then I had lunch then I got ready to go out

We got to the Alpaca place

and it was just a small private farm really but they must have had about 20 alpacas

I was sooooooooo nervous

so we were with about 3 other couples really and we stood in a barn and we had a talk about alpacas, we were shown the fur and felt it and told what would be happening. It killed me to stand there. There was nothing more I wanted in than moment than a chair.

So we got taken into the farm yard to meet the alpacas - all female

and they harnessed them up and passed us one between two

my parents got a lovely white and silver one, we had a black one that was very dusty from rolling in the dry dirt. We had the one that liked to lead. I let Jack hold the reigns as I didnt feel confident enough. I was so nervous. We all got our alpaca and we took them for a walk round this farm field and then we had photos with them - think it was mine and jack's 3rd photo together XD 

We then got to hand feed them which was a funny sensation and I felt confident doing this. We got to watch them in the field then that was pretty much the experience over with

I was quite tired by this point ^^; but I really enjoyed it. i could tell my parents did. Jack enjoyed it too actually. I was glad to have his support

we drove then to a garden centre like 1min down the road

we walked through to the cafe for a cake and tea, a lady sat us down. We waited for our order to be taken which took about 10 or so minutes

then we waited

and waited

and waited

until I said to jack "this is stupid. for 2 teas and 2 cakes. Why is taking this long" people around us who came in long after us had their stuff. The lady who took our order was cleaning tables, other staff just stood round talking. I feel like our order had gotten forgotten. We waited 30mins for a drink and cake. It was only half full the place was, they werent busy!

so we walked off cus I wasnt giving them my money at this point. Bit disappointing. We looked round house plants and they had some interesting ones but I wasnt feeling it. I was in so much pain by this point.

I got home and Jack made me a brew and I had fruit loaf too. 

I laid on my bed for an hour. I hurt so much. My legs kill

I did dinner, I wasnt that hungry and I didnt want to stand and make food but just got it over with and done really

I am so tired and in lots of pain but it was a nice experience. I think I have a few photos but not looked at them yet.

Jack had a 20sec video on his phone of me feeding an alpaca. I watched it. I havent seen myself on film for a long time. I havent seen a photo of myself for a while. The self hatred was true. I could only see how fat and ugly I am. I wish I hadnt seen it. I want to crawl under a large heavy rock

im gonna have a long soak in the bath now to try help my muscles

tomorrow

going food shop, got food to faff with and bathroom to clean

worked from home, alpaca walk tomorrow

 Evening

I slept okish last night but was awake from 5am again. 

I felt dead. So tired when I got up. My legs hurt to walk on, tired achy, and I just felt like I wouldnt be able to cope with the day. With being at school and looking happy for people. Jack told me to work from home today and I reluctantly agreed.

So Jack went off to work and I ran to the toilet to once again get rid of my stomach content

Oh my god I have been so hungry today but I think its because I have emptied my stomach out twice, I think I am running on empty!!! 

I got set up to do some work. I booted Oz outside but he sat outside the patio door - he never does this. I could not take the look anymore and after half hour I bought him to sit by my feet on plush pad as I worked -_____- he wins. again.

I spent my day pretty much taking it easy. I had 2 naps, had lunch with mummy and did work. I didnt work 4 hours solidly as I literally couldnt. So I spaced my work out throughout the day. I got what I wanted to get done, done. So I was pleased but didnt finish til 4:30! 

Oz has been pretty much with me all day. Loaf

I did 15mins of weights, not by a video, just by myself. It did me in!! I had a bath, then Jack came home, I sheered him and made him go wash

we had dinner and now Jack has gone to game for the first time in weeks! I am just with loaf and I might do some drawing. Then play pokemon in bed by myself ^^

Tomorrow

got Oz's cage to clean out but also the girls cage from last week. 

Then at 1pm we are going to do my dad's 60th birthday experience. We are going on an alpaca walk! Its literally 10 mins down the road. We get there and have a health and safety talk and then be matched up with an alpaca and then go for an hour's walk. 

I am looking forward to it but also a bit apprehensive because I am a bit scared of alpacas and llama cus they can spit and kick! but I am sure these ones are tame and used to the walks. also a bit worried about being on my feet for an hour. It was another reason why I didnt go work today cus I wanted to save my legs for tomorrow. I hope i manage.

Then we are parting from my parents and going to a garden centre 1 min from there so we can go for tea and cake and maybe a house plant ^^ make more of an afternoon of it as we dont get out much!

Randy Rabbit

 Evening

I slept ok but woke up at 5am and kinda just napped from there. 

I felt DEAD when I woke up. My body hurt and it hurt to walk and yeah I didnt feel good. I had used the massager last night and it didnt hurt much at all last night but this morning it really hit. It was hurting my calves to walk where I had put the massager on them. I also had to get rid of my stomach content before leaving the door. I was rough.

I text mum as I usually do when I get to work. I told her I wasnt good today so dont come see me. I nearly didnt go work and work from home instead but I was under the impression that Jack wanted me at work so I went to work.

I got my morning done. I managed to work on my display work a bit more.

I went home and I had lunch and went to bed for 90mins. I did feel better for it. But it still took me a while to get going. I decided to do some yoga. Upon doing yoga did I get raped by Oz. He leapt on, scratched all my arm and bit the back of my arm - that hurt. I was annoyed so I put him outside, he grumped. 

I did 40mins of yoga and then did the sewing I have been putting off for almost 2 weeks ^^; just havent been in the mood to do it. But I got it done. It took far longer than I thought as the job was bigger than I had thought. But its done now. Good achievement 

I had a bath then Jack came home late as he had stayed for warhammer club. We didnt eat til 6:45pm as we had a bath before dinner and Jack was late home too.

Now just doing my diary, I will do a bit of digital drawing then watch RWBY and play pokemon in bed.

tomorrow

last friggin day of term. Thank god. I am so ready for a break. My body is exhausted. But I have managed the term without a sick day whereas last term I managed 12 days of attendance ^^; 

I  will see how I feel tomorrow if I work from home or not. I just feel so done. I am sick of pushing myself for that place.

Should hopefully see mummy tomorrow

I can tell Oz is in a mood with me. As I sit at my lounge desk he usually sits on plush pas by my feet but hes sat on the other side of the room to me. Grumpy bun 

my arms is very scratched up Oz. I am prepared to kiss and make up. 

Couldnt get owt done!

 Konbanwa~~

I even dreamed about being tired and achy. Literally never get a break from it all T^T

I couldnt be bothered with school. I drove into school because Jack didnt feel comfortable driving the car, it felt weird driving to school as Jack usually does it. But we got there 10min early as I was driving XD

School was ok. I had good intentions of getting stuff done today but I just kept getting called away all the time. In the end I gave up. I got some stuff done but I could have got further with it if people just sod off.

I got home and mum brought the girls over, we had lunch and she went to do gardening. I went to bed but soon gave up on that front as the primary school that backs onto my house was having a Jubilee event outside, honestly looked and sounded like a village fair....so freaking loud. So I was out in the garden with mum and then we had a brew and she didnt leave til 4:15pm. So My list of stuff I was gonna do when I got home went out the window. It was gonna be a day of getting nothing done!

as soon she left I made biscuits and did my 20min of exercise, also prepared the filling for Jack's lunch

Jack got home on time and we had Korean noodles, which was good ^^

I went outside to plant some grass seed as mum had prepped the area ready for me to do it. I watered it and I watch Oz get really giddy with all and roll around in the mud where I just worked....it did make me laugh. Like a pig in mud!

I had a bath and now I need to do the photoshop work Jack asked me to do this afternoon! I hope I can get it done fast!

Tomorrow

school

but I might not see mum yet, feel I need a break to get crap done! I shall see

my poor car :(

 Evening

I finally got my Salandit on pokemon shield last night. Literally wasnt going to turn my game off until til I had achieved this! XD

I slept but had a nightmare and woke up at 5am cus the wind coming through the window was blowing on my sweat making me cold -_____- luckily I managed to get that last hour of sleep. I felt exhausted when I woke up and the nightmare was replaying in my mind. a nightmare I have had several several times

I uploaded my snorlax picture on instagram and it got almost 20 likes, my highest yet!! Snorlax loves out there!

School was boring and stressy. Just everyone really stressy including my Jack. i couldnt wait to leave to be honest. It was a stressful environment to be in

so I got in my car and pulled out of school for my car to beep at me, put the service light on and remain in 3rd gear....my car is an automatic and was stuck in 3rd gear. Meaning if I was to stop, I wouldnt be able to pull off again as you can't pull of in 3rd gear.

Stress

panic

nausea 

this was not good

not only did I have the prospect of trying to get home, I now had a broken car, I would need to pay for it and my windows this month, I would need to contact my dad - my biggest worry

I somehow got home. Through pure skill, driving really slow up to lights or going fast through almost red lights. It was very stressful 20min drive. I couldnt wait to get home

I pulled up outside my parents house as I thought it would be more convenient for my dad to look at here. But my mums car was gone - she had already gone over to my house. So I rang her and told her whats up. It was hailing at this point (despite being 17c) so she came to pick me up. Thank you mummy ^^

She rang dad once we got to my house as I didnt have the stomach to ring him - yes he is that difficult and hard work and stresses me out immensely 

dad looked at my car and said it seemed fine so that means I have an intermittent fault. He will need to take it somewhere to get it properly read. My dad read it with his machine but it read fine. so yeah unhappy car and a car I can not trust right now. It will probably do this again. All I can say is thank god it was me driving and not Jack, we wouldnt have got home.

Mum went home whilst dad was checking my car over, she came to pick me up so I could pick my car up and I was dropped off at 2pm. I went straight to bed - exhausted - woke up at 4pm....ouch. I hope I sleep tonight!!

I had a brew and did a few jobs but on the whole did nothing and Jack was home at 5pm. We got stuff ready for stew. I dinner then did a 20min work out which knackered me out maybe I shouldnt have done it as now my body is so worn out and shaky. It wasnt a difficult work out but maybe too much for my stressed out body. After my bath  I had the garden to water which I could have done without but I got it done

I hope my car is ok and its not gonna be mega expensive to fix T^T my car yet I love it

please hope I sleep tonight. Jo is done T^T

tomorrow

stew morning so we get up early, it is korean noodle stew this week

got school, mum is coming over to do some gardening ^^ 

started my next canvas

 so tired

I was up til gone 1am last night with aches, stomach ache, headache. Everything ache -___-

I was tired today and was not in the mood for work but I knew I was on chemical disposal duty.

I got chemicals made, listening to my ipod. It wasnt a bad day.

I got home and mum came to have lunch with me

then I pretty much spent my afternoon in bed or laying on my bed

I was so done. I cant believe how worn out I was. The morning had killed me a bit as I was on my feet all morning really. I tried not to feel guilty for not doing much.

I could also tell my muscles needed a rest so I did gentle exercises for almost half hour then had a bath

Oz has been in practically all day - the house bun that he is >.>

Tomorrow

school and I think mummy coming to have lunch

I am doing the background on a canvas right now so I might get going with that but I do have some sewing to do as well. Didnt do any digital drawing as I couldnt face it really

the canvas is going to be of a picture I saw on instagram someone had drawn of two bun loafs sat amongst bread. I wasnt gonna do it as I have little faith in my ability to paint bread but then I finally thought today "so what if it turns out crap, its the process im suppose to enjoy as its not like i will sell it or give it away" so I am giving it a go weather it turns out crap or not!

Need sleep -___-

Snorlax and Munchlax comic

 Evening

I slept like the dead. Think we turned off our switchs at 10:45pm. I was so dead.

I woke up at 8am and Jack was already bringing Oz in. I went to put the girls out. They seemed fine today, told them that mummy was coming for them.

It was nice not having to go shopping. Also we have been in pyjamas all day!!!! X3 I can not remember the last time I had a pyjama day!

So I lazed round this morning

I went on my laptop as I said to Jack "I couldnt face looking for jobs on monday so I will have a look now as I feel guilty not having a look" and I found a job that would really suit him and its at the same place his mum works! but the application deadline is tomorrow morning!!! D: so I felt bad as this now meant our 'chore free day' wasnt going to be chore free for Jack as he now had an application to do.

I dont know if you know, but it takes on average 2 hours per application. So he went to do that. He was ok about doing it. He said he was going to apply he wasnt doing cus Id asked or anything

I cooked my meat for the week

we had lunch then mum came for the girls. They were happy to see her...I think? XD hard to tell with pigs. but mum was happy to see them thats the main thing. She could see that they had had 5* treatment.

She liked my windows. Dad said they looked good that was the only words he said to me.

I went and laid on my bed for a couple of hours with Hammington. when I got up, Oz was still on plush pad XD Jack had managed to apply to the job and was playing with Theo and Harvey - he asked me yesterday if it was ok. Bless him he always asks X3 

I then and sat finished my pictures of Snorlax/Munchlax and then I did my biscuits, and made a start on dinner so thats currently cooking. 

After dinner I will do some form of exercise but not sure yet what I will do

then it will be usual routine of watching Q2han's video in the bath whilst I have a pamper. I always have a pamper in the bath on sunday before school and they upload on a sunday night so its quite the routine now XD 

Tomorrow

its school

its monday again so we will be in a lab doing chemical disposal. Jack has told Julia she needs to join us this time. so those two will be diluting and disposing of the nitric acid and I will be making litre after litre of sodium carbonate for them to use for the diluting. I will try not kill myself off this week ><

My snorlax pic

next is Litwick

actually having my house ripped apart isnt as bad as I thought!

 Evening

I managed to sleep ok last night and I woke up to Jack stroking my arm. He woke me nicely before the alarm did. He was already awake so that was nice of him.

I was so anxious this morning. My house was being pulled apart

what mess would be made?

would anything go wrong?

would anything bad be discovered about the house?

how much time and energy will have to go into cleaning the house?

will I be dead come monday?

Yeah bad anxiety....they arrived around 7:10am 

My mum gave me a ring at 10ish saying she had dropped off the pigs. Oz was totally fine with the noise going off and even begged for a treat. Mum had to go get him one from inside the house -_____- he was trying to take down his cage door...such a treat tyrant. She said the mess wasnt bad and that the windows are looking good

I thought "shes just trying to make me less anxious by telling me theres not much mess and shes just being kind about saying they look like. Theyre only windows. Why have I done this to myself?"

I couldnt wait to get home to see how the pets were but also didnt want to go home as I knew I was going home to mess and noise

I got home and they were in the bedroom....they had finished upstairs. We hadnt even cleared any of the down stairs rooms!!! But on the whole the mess actually wasnt that bad. I was pleasantly surprised. I go Oz in and had lunch with him in the lounge - they were around the house and had the gate open so it wasnt safe for him to play outside. They told me they were going to the living room next. So time was ticking. I necked my lunch and Oz went on his plush pad ready for his afternoon nap and i felt awful taking him home T^T hes in such a routine. Believe me Oz I was ready for an afternoon sleep too!!!

I put the girls outside for 90mins they seemed ok

I popped them home and my afternoon was full of nothingness as I couldnt think straight I was tired and headachy as the window glue was really chemical smelling.

Jack came home around 4:30pm which is when the men left and I was a bit disappointed when I asked them why they hadnt done the downstairs windowsills. He had made a mistake and only ordered enough windowsill for upstairs so I need windowsills for the downstairs another time. So I have nice windows and crappy old sills. 

Jack is mega pleased with the windows they look almost too modern for the house! I love the back door it feels so robust and I love how there is a window in it instead complete plastic door. Feels much more secure. They are coming back at 7:30am so no lie in and they have the kitchen window, bathroom window, craft room window, and front door to do and thats it!

My brother came over when the men left too! he was coming to talk to me about a few things. then  he left, I did dinner, and I put the girls out again. I didnt manage to do any exercise as my muscles have hurt all day from working out, im shattered and just done. I had a bath and sat with the girls on my knee for 30mins which was very nice and they know who I am and they were relaxed and happy so I was happy. Going to take loaf home now

Can not wait for bed

tomorrow

getting up early T^T got stuff to move and sort out and tidy up I guess. fun fun fun

mum and dad got to coast ok and stuff.

Windows are being ripped out tomorrow 0.0

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night -______- and I was really sad as I have 2 pairs of summer compression socks and yesterday I went to find them, as its getting too hot for my winter woolly ones! And my favourite pair has a huge ass hole in them!! I knew they had the beginning of a hole last year but didnt realise that it was that big T^T they have had to go in the bin sadly. Leaving my longer and more uncomfortable pair...

So Jack said to buy more

I said "5 years ago they were £20, god forbid what they must be now!"

he said "I will go halves with you"

I said "no thats not fair, you dont get any benefit from them"

he said "i get a happier healthier Jo, and its not fair you always have to pay for your health"

I ended up having to get up til gone 11pm which is late for me because I was aching. Jack was already fast asleep, I went to wake him but he had a smile on his face so I left him

turns out he slept really well and he hasnt been. So I am glad I didnt wake him - he asks me to wake him EVERYTIME I can not sleep. Most of the time I dont wake him.

I didnt feel too much of a corpse this morning

school wasnt too bad. I saw Lizi, and I got all my jobs done that Jack asked me to do. I didnt say bye to him as he had gone upstairs to dispose of stuff and realised we needed another 50L of the sodium carbonate I have been making up. I said it was fine and we would get it done but he was stressy

I came  home and had lunch with mum and Oz, she left and I left Oz on plush pad and I laid on my bed 90mins I didnt fall asleep I just needed rest and quietness. I got up and Oz hadnt moved XD I had a cup of tea. I got a txt saying "your windows and doors will be delivered 3:30 - 4:30"

so I felt a lil stressed as Jack wouldnt be home by then and I didnt feel confident enough to handle the situation. I txt mum and she offered to come over for moral support so she did ^^

Jack arrived home at 5pm, still no windows. Mum left. I did dinner, we ate dinner

still no windows. I txt the guy at 6pm and said "is everything ok?"

he said "the clowns have delivered them to my house!" I cant imagine he was impressed by this as hes now got to get them here, but at least they showed up somewhere I guess! ^^; so my poor mother came over for nothing bless her. She didnt mind

I did my 20mins work out whilst Jack sorted out the bits in his study and spare room for tomorrow. Then I had a bath and he was still faffing. He should be getting in the bath soon I hope >.> 

I watered the garden and hung my new painting up ^^ so pleased with it

tomorrow

window guy is showing up before we go to work at 7:30am

my mum is dropping off her pigs around 10am - we made the cage up ready for them today

I come home at 12:15pm  and hopefully the house isnt a total dust ruin....god I am dreading it.

not sure what my afternoon will consist of as it depends how noisy it is and such. I will make sure girls are ok. I hope the weather remains good so my house doesnt get wet.

but yeah the house will get a transformation starting tomorrow

really should make the effort and do some digital work as I havent touched it for days ^^;

It's better today

 Evening

Because I thought I would be awake all night with self hate thoughts all about how fat I am etc, so I got off my butt and managed 15mins of exercise in my pyjamas, I just did weights so I wouldnt make myself hot and sweaty all over again. I felt better for making the effort to do. And boy was it EFFORT

I enjoyed playing pokemon last night, felt like the best part of my day

I actually slept last night much to my relief.

This morning it felt like a better day. I think I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday! So yeah today felt better. I got my stew on and went to school

school was ok, I made some acid up - something I havent done for a while to be honest. But I was fine doing it. I got my day done

I had lunch with mummy and Oz. She made cakes and bought me some. after she left at almost 2pm....I went for an hour's sleep. Must have needed it as I fell straight to sleep.

When I got up I hung washing out, made biscuits, did some painting and got my painting finished! I am pleased with it. Its a lot more simple than I had planned but I like it and didnt want to add any more detail as I was worried about ruining it.

Jack came home and I dished the stew up which was soooooo good we loved it. I can cook ^^

after dinner I did 23 mins of exercise. Had a quick bath and just doing my diary. I will watch anime with Jack then go play pokemon in bed ^^ We started watching Rwby last night. I havent seen it but Jack has and the animation is so weird. I hope I can get used to the animation style.

tomorrow

school and sometime in the afternoon or evening my new windows and doors will be delivered. Jack has hopefully made enough room in the garage tonight.

shaved a bunny

 Evening

ahhhh I am so dead right now. I know I have exercise to do yet too -____-

Last night there was tears. Not many, but tears nonetheless. Just sat in bed contemplating the reason of my existence, when was the last time I was actually happy? what would make me happy? why do I keep going? whats the point in it all? humans are terrible creatures. Each day I have hear about people being unkind, murders, screwing people over, suffering.  Just everything in life feels crap at the moment. 

So I cried a bit, and was up til 11:30pm with Jack - which is late for me

I had nightmares and woke up many times. So yeah I wasnt feeling it this morning. I didnt want to go work but I also didnt want to work from home. To be honest I couldnt tell you what it is I do actually want to do. What would have made me happy in that moment and what would make me happy now

school was a slog. It felt a real effort to wear my daily mask. I somehow got on with it but if I could avoid people or conversations - I did. By literally walking away.

I left work and I had told mum that I was no company today and just wanted to eat and go to bed.

I got home and had lunch with my loaf, then he went on his plush pad for his afternoon sleep - his routine since I became part time XD I went to bed myself but not even for an hour as I was aching a lot. I got up and saw to Oz. But bless him hes just so warm. I was looking at him slightly panting and all he was doing was laying down. hes wearing his winter coat in 23c humidity. He cant breathe.

so at 3pm today I shaved my bunny >< i scooped him up and put him on some kitchen towel on the kitchen side and I began to use him clippers on him. I went at his backside as thats where he is shedding - just not fast enough, then I blended it into his waist as I didnt want to shave him all! His fur is so dense!!! now I have clipped him you have a real appreciation of how insulating rabbit fur is. Insane. He must have been suffocating. All I wanted to do was help him. I have NEVER clipped an animal before. But Oz he just sat there and let me do it almost like it was a relief for him and he knew I was trying to help. I popped him outside when I had finished and I was expecting him to flick his feet at me in disgust and to run a mile. But no. He was doing zoomies and binkys it was very cute. He looked happy if I am honest. Much to my surprise! But its weird seeing him right now as his back is white as its his under fur thats visible. I need to take a photo

I feel like I have managed to help him and provided him with a bit of comfort and relief. Good to know I can clip if I need to. I just didnt want to go crazy straight away

I was in the kitchen for 2 hours. doing tonights dinner and tomorrow's stew. Yeah it took me a while. I was trying to save Jack doing stuff but also because I am not at sitting and relaxing. Things I do feel pointless and meaningless. So doing the food made me feel productive and useful. 

However when Jack came home I got a bit of a telling off (in a loving non-shouting way) he says theres no point in me being part time if I am just gonna be doing stuff all the time and working myself to death in the kitchen. its true but I am struggling. I am not good and chilling out and being kind to myself. I hate myself a lot lately.

after dinner I laid curled on my bed with Hammington. I just couldnt be bothered with anything. I was too tired for exercise. Having a bath felt like a real effort too.

Tomorrow 

school and maybe seeing mummy if she wants to see me. I hope Oz manages to sleep with less of a coat on. We could tell the rat had been back so I had to block its walk way even further as it had dug the stones away I put there yesterday! jesus

we gotta rat

 Evening

It took me a while to sleep last night, I was anxious about work. I woke up a few times too

this morning I didnt wanna go. I just wasnt sure what I was doing at work

Work was ok tho

we put out our lessons for the day in the morning then it was pretty much just me and Jack in a lab doing chemical disposal. I was making up litre after litre of sodium carbonate to neutralise the nitric acid. I was SHATTERED trying to keep up with demand! Jack kept saying to take a break but I didnt as he was literally drinking my sodium up so I didnt want to let him down. But it was hurting me to stand when I finished my shift.

I got home and had lunch with mum and went bed. Exhausted.

when I got up I sat and had a brew and then did some painting. I made Donburi for the first time when Jack came home, it was ok I guess. Bit too oniony for my liking tho but I would probably eat it again.

I mentioned to Jack that 2 weeks ago, I thought Oz was getting through his food dish pretty quick each day but thought as he was shedding he was needing more calories? so I didnt think much of it. But then we finished a bag of food rather fast too. So I wondered "is something eating his food out his dish whilst hes playing out?" so today I took note of how  much food was left in his dish and when I came back to it - having kept Oz in the lounge with me today - the dish was empty....

something was indeed going into his empty open cage and helping themselves.

After dinner we went into the garage with Oz to move the spare guinea hutch ready for the girls to come stay on thursday night. Upon moving stuff around I shouted "RAT!!"" it was there!!! after only having solved the puzzle today did I actually see it! jack didnt get chance to see it. So yes we have a rat. First it was a mouse now a rat. Great. I looked into the cabinet it dove beneath, to find loads of rat droppings....ewww. So thats it then. We found where its getting in and out and I am gonna go block it up once Oz has gone home. Hopefully the rat has left the garage by now. Dont really wanna block it in under that cabinet...I will have to then shut Oz's cage up all the time - making it so Oz cant go home - not that he does often to be honest. I will have to have him often to top him up with food and drink.

its not a total disaster as there doesnt look to be a nest, Oz isnt harmed by the rat or got fleas from it or anything like that. So could be a lot worse. Just something else to deal with. I am hoping by making food not assessable and run ways blocked off, that the rat will leave. I do not want to poison or kill.

I did 10mins of my new 2kg weights and boy can I feel it!!! dear god thats heavy.... and only 20kg....Theo's weights are 20kg....each.... T^T I dont wanna be like that tho XD

tomorrow

school and normal school day too, but next monday will be another disposal day.

Humidity is kicking off

 Evening

I didnt sleep well last night as I was aching. It was also quite humid. Jack was throwing himself and moaning and groaning in his sleep. I think he was hot. I was hot. So I couldnt sleep and got up, had fruit loaf, did some painting and yeah before I knew it it was midnight. I slept  pretty well after that

I woke up at 7:30am and bought Oz in, I left Jack to sleep. I had breakfast with Oz and when I popped to the toilet I left the lounge door open. Then whilst on the toilet I thought I could hear rabbit feet...then I heard jack greeting Oz. Turns out Oz had walked into the bedroom, found Jack and gone to wake him up!! He hasnt been in the bedroom this year and I found it surprising he had the confidence to just go in and see Jack. Clearly he wanted Jack X3 so he got plenty of fuss from the pair of us this morning. 

I managed 35mins of yoga this morning, I was so achy so I thought it would help matters

We went shopping which was fine, same old. We unpacked and had a brew. Then Jack went outside to garden with Oz. I was cooking meat and biscuits and prepping fish for tonight

my parents dropped over a few goodies they picked up for us and drove off

we had lunch then I sat and did some painting but I was really struggling to sit,  I just ached and it was bothering me. I laid on my bed for an hour. 

When I got up I did some more painting, bought a few clothes off ebay. A top tip - buy your winter wear in spring/summer! Its so much cheaper!! so I have ordered a new coat well its 2nd hand but worn twice. Much cheaper than buying new in winter....

my painting is coming along tho, its different to my usual stuff but hopefully it will turn out ok

I am gonna have an early bath soon as Jack wants to go game with Harvey and theo at 7pm. I will not rush my sunday bath for them tho >.> they can be late at times. So I will be by myself gaming in bed tonight. Got the garden to water later as it never really rained today despite it saying it was gonna rain. It is humid again tho. I hate this about the UK its so muggy even in peak summer - humid heat. I feel sorry for Oz who is still wearing his winter coat....

tomorrow is school, suppose to be thunder showers too! Bring on the humidity -_____-

we are having a day in a lab sorting out acids. So I will ether be making acid, disposing of acid or making the chemical to dispose acid with. Not sure which one Jack is getting me to do yet

Need more cranberry juice

 Evening

Jack's mum decided to give him a ring last night at 9pm so I got ready for bed and played pokemon by myself til 9:30pm when Jack joined me.

I slept pretty well and needed a huge wee when I woke up, a huge burning wee -______-

This morning I cleaned my chunk out, I cleaned the bathroom, I made both our lunches, I tidied up and kept Jack company a bit in the garden. Tiring morning! After lunch my body was shaking from exhaustion so I laid on my bed for 2 hours in and out of sleep. I got up and did a bit of painting but I didnt want to spend my afternoon painting away, it didnt feel productive enough somehow.

So I got up and went to see mum and I stayed with her for 2 hours, we sat with the girls, I trimmed truffs fur and she had bought me a lil rabbit coaster too

I came home at 6pm and did dinner and now I am doing diary before I go for my bath. I cant wait for a bath to be honest! feel a bit grim. Might do my nails tonight too~

i do feel a bit better today and my wee hasnt burned so maybe the cranberry juice is helping. Maybe I should get some more tomorrow?

Tomorrow just food shop and a bit of cooking to do

On the Cranberry juice

 Evening

We were like a pair of old people last night! I was so looking forward to playing Pokemon in bed. but by 9:20pm we turned the switchs off and went to sleep. We couldnt stop yawning and felt tired. I am sure its that patchouli oil!!! Im not using tonight as I wanna play pokemon. Jack fell asleep instantly. Took me a bit longer but a much better night than yesterday.

I was able to go school today as I didnt feel as bad as yesterday. I woke up to find two big house spiders battling it out in the corner of the room tho....not something you see. Jack managed to hoover one up, the other made a dive for the floor boards. Best not to think what lives under there... 

school was boring. The year 13 and year 11 have left now so there was lots of celebrations going off. 

I received a txt message from doctors saying they wont be giving me any more antibiotics....so just suffer then? I told my mum and she said she would pop in a chemist for me and ask their opinion

I left and came home to find mum putting the girls in the garden

we had lunch together, she had brought me some cranberry juice as she asked the pharmacy does it help or is if a myth? the lady said it does help. Mum also bought me this powder stuff you mix in water to drink for cystitis all it does it help neutralise you wee so its not as acidic and doesnt burn. She also said I gotta drink shed loads to literally flush it out my system. So much more help than doctors. But cranberry juice isnt my kinda thing, but that cystitis stuff is gross!!! I down it holding my nose.

Mum went into the garden for 2 hours. And I joined her. I tidied up the rhubarb plant and I sat with mum keeping her company. It was nice weather  out and I just enjoyed being outside. I got cuddles with the girls before they went home. Oz was helping too it was very cute.

she left and I bought Oz in with me and he sat on plush pad, I had a brew and sat with my laptop and watched videos and looked at recipes for Donburi. I did 15mins of weights which was enough. I ran a bath so I was in the bath when Jack got in. He had it after me and we ate dinner in pyjamas which I always like doing. 

So its 6:45pm and we have the rest of the evening to our selves. Jack has gone to nerd out upstairs and I think I will do ether painting or digital art. I just chose designs for my nails this week which I will do saturday. I also did shopping list. So yeah its hobby time

tomorrow, not got anything on really. I think Jack wants to garden. He might apply for jobs as he didnt get to the next round for that job he interviewed for on weds.

i will have more cranberry juice before bed and another gross drink T^T 

load of help that was

 Evening

did not sleep well at all. So yesterday was fluke I guess

I laid in bed aching but like a poorly ache. It was also stinging down there...

whilst we were trying to get to sleep I whispered "My Fanny is on fire" Jack burst out laughing and then said how unpleasant it must be for me

I got up and was up til 12:30am I just felt like death, my stomach was like an orchestra 

This morning when I woke up I just knew I couldnt cope with the day. I had a banging headache, I was shivering despite it really not being cold (was sweating last night tho) I ached and felt so so tired. Jack asked me to stay off sick but I chose to work from home instead. I couldnt bare another day off.

So this meant Jack would need to drive himself to and from work today for the first time! He was a lil nervous but knew he'd be fine.

He went off to work, I died on toilet then started my work.

I took regular breaks and had my loaf in too. I worked on making notes for the display and also did the title digitally for another display. I feel given how crap I felt, that I got a lot done. I went to bed as soon as I finished lunch and slept for almost 2 hours. I was dead.

I felt better for some sleep tho I have to say

So then I was with my loaf and worked on Jack's painting. I got it finished! I am happy with it and can't wait to show him....all the way on his birthday....in August....

good achievement tho ^^ I can start my next painting. I shall stash the painting away til august

In the end I decided I would ring the doctors as it was becoming clear, no one was gonna ring me. The receptionist said that my 2nd urine test came back fine. I said "I still very much have symptoms" he said "I will leave a note with the doctor and ether you will get a call or txt about further treatment. Might be you get some more antiobiotics" I have been left like this a week. Would have hurt to have just given me some more antibiotics!? Its not nice!! I feel poorly and horrible. So yeah I feel like I have gone through a lot of pointless crap. I still havent heard anything and its 7pm. Looks like I wont here til tomorrow now!!!!! This is gonna be another weekend ruined at this point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later on in the afternoon I laid in bed playing on pokemon. I was just so done. Jack was late leaving school as he had stayed behind for warhammer club again....the nerd.

I did dinner when he got home thank god it was easy. jack said I looked like death. I feel it!

I am not exercising today despite eating loads today - being round the house when youre hungry is lethal. My body poorly aches so I dont wanna make it worse and I feel like death. I am gonna have a bath and an early night.

tomorrow

its friday, I best hear from a doctor

I hope to go into school too, I dont enjoy working from home

I SLEPT and Extra plant X3

 Evening

I had my new essential oil diffusing last night next to bed (have it on every night) that mummy brought for me - Patchouli 

and my new house plant in the bedroom - mother in law's tongue

AND I SLEPT

like actual quality DEEP sleep

I can not recall the last time I slept so well. Naturally anyway, not drug induced

It was an amazing experience. I forget what good quality sleep feels like

I think I would have felt a 1000 dollars if it wasnt for the water infection I have right now

I may have only done 30mins of stretches and weights yesterday but upon waking up this morning it felt like I had ran a marathon and not done exercise for 5 years. I HURT

like when youre poorly and everything hurts

something is not right with me

I got to work and rang my mum to tell her about my good nights sleep! She was happy for me. I had messaged her last night saying "isnt thursday karen's birthday, we need therapy cakes"

she said "yes we do!"

so today as she would have more time she made cakes today ^^

I got work out the way it was dull

but coming home with Jack was nice even if it was pouring down with rain!

We had lunch and I went to lay on the bed and Jack got ready for his interview

and as he was on my laptop AND in my craft room, I had little to do! So I lazed around really

mum came over at 3pm which is when jack finished his interview it was perfect timing. She brought cakes she made and we had tea and cakes. Jack told us about the interview. I dont think hes holding his breath but he says it sounds good. He will know on friday whats what.

I did 25mins of yoga and weights then did the dinner on time

after dinner we headed down to TK MAXX as I was gonna go at the weekend anyway, thought might as well get it done whilst we werent doing much then we wouldnt have to go whilst its busy. I wanted weights, nail varnish, and a pot for my new plant!

They didnt have any suitable weights, no nail varnish but I got a pot. It doesnt go with my bedroom very well but only £10 and it fits the plant. 

We got back and I had a bath. As usual I put Epsom salts in the bath water but tonight it ehh kinda stung down there ^^; yeah wasnt a pleasant experience. Something is definitely up down there....I tried googling it today and freaked myself out with too much haha so I left it. I am not worried in the slightest I just want a cure!!! I should know tomorrow whats up.

After my bath I decided to repot my new plant. I had wondered why the plastic pot it was in had gone egg shaped rather than round. Turned out there was like one stem kinda by its self pushing its self out the pot which is why it had gone egg shaped, that was the 'tip' of the egg. So I tried to prize it apart from the others and it came apart easily like it was a separate plant so I potted it in its own pot and potted the rest in the new pot. So yeah I gained a plant! It means I now need another pot XD which is fine I am just happy I have an extra plant X3 I hope they both survive moving into their newer bigger pots. But I feel like I have achieved something today ^^ happy new plants~

going to watch anime - The Misfit of the Demon Academy - I am LOVING it. I will have a hot chocolate too and then play pokemon in bed with my Jack ^^ so proud of Jack doing another interview

wonder if I will sleep again tonight. I will use those essential oils again

tomorrow

school

same old

Sent 2nd Urine Off

 Evening

I didnt sleep that well. I kept waking up. One time Jack was snoring in my face and another time I literally ad his arm pit hair in my face!!!

But before that we were monning in bed doing raids which made a change but i didnt get to level my weak pokemon up. So I will do that tonight.

I felt deathy this morning. struggled to do a urine sample - just couldnt pee!!! I got a few mills and took it over to mums so she could take it doctors when they opened. She said I will here something weds or thurs in the mean time - suffer!

I didnt do the first aid training at school, massive relief. I have done the training before but this would have just been to renew my certificate anyway. Cant say I am arsed. school was a bit boring tho. I just felt so drained and tired. I couldnt wait to go home

I had lunch with Oz and took him home so mum could come pick me up at 1pm to take me garden centre I picked up the plant I wanted!!!!!!!!!!!! they only had 2 left - mother in law's tongue. I wanna buy it a fancy pot from TK MAXX they do lovely pots dead cheap. The pots from garden centre cost a bomb. 

Might water the garden, have a bath and do some drawing or painting maybe 

I feel a bit deathy now its getting on in the day

tomorrow

school but Jack is coming home at lunch with me! He has an interview at 2pme dropped me off and I went to lay on my bed, then did some painting. then I did 30mins of weights and exercise but it about killed me off. I didnt do it to any video I literally did my own thing at my own pace. Jack came home and we prepped stew for tomorrow then did dinner. We started a new anime called New Game! 

not another urine sample T^T

 Evening

So yesterday I completed my 3 day course of antibiotics

I went to bed shattered. I woke up at 2am being woke up by some sort of noise outside. So I got up and had look round the house and looked through the windows, the outdoor lights weren't triggered. So im guessing it was just a cat on the fence or roof. There was nothing anyway. Jack never even stirred...

I woke up at 5am then and didnt really fall back to sleep. I was shattered this morning and almost fell back to sleep which isnt like me on a school day.

We got up and I didnt feel too bad but had anxiety

At school I had plenty to do, Jack went off to his first aid course

I had other issues, it was still hurting me to wee, and it still felt like I needed to go for a wee. So I rang the doctors and told the receptionist whats what. They got in contact with the nurse and then they rang me back relaying the nurse's message.

I need to do another friggin' urine sample. I am annoyed. I was improving on antibiotics why couldnt they give me a few more days instead of a measly 6 tablets!!! My mum kindly picked up another sample bottle for me but i knew I wouldnt be home in time to do a urine sample to get back to the doctors for midday collection. So thats another day of suffering. I need to do a sample in the morning for mum to take to doctors for it to be sent off and properly tested. It hurts to wee, I have a banging headache, it feels like I need to wee and now its starting to feel tender down there. Like the gusset of my joggers - which never bothers me - feels like its rubbing down there. The whole experience is not pleasant. I just want this gone!!!

I got home exhausted, ate lunch with mum and Oz and went bed. Felt no better for an hours sleep, I got up and just sat on my laptop and then did some painting. Basically didnt do a lot I was done in. I got the dinner on so it would be ready for Jack

I have got to first aid training tomorrow 9am - 2:30pm its a long day of concentrating and sitting there. I will be dead. I am not even that bothered about doing the damn training. I dont think I am gonna do it as I am not up to it, its gonna stress me out, I have a headache, very conscious about making 100 toilet visits. So i told Jack Im not gonna do it. I will come home at my usual time. If anyone asks why I am not doing it I will say I have a doctors appointment

I ended up having that bloody house bun in for 6 hours so he was in for 7 hours today >.> its spring!! He should be outside!! I put him outside for 15mins tonight until I got fed up of going out to him constantly telling him off for eating plants that are trying to survive....I ran out of energy for that. Speaking of which i know I can no exercise tonight. I am done. Something is up with me. Im not usually this poorly.

tomorrow

school and might see mum after school for my lunch.

kinda relieved I havent got to sit through that course tomorrow. It was stressing me out.

I just want to be better. My poor mum having to take my urine sample again tho.

Been 'monning'

 Evening

We were playing Pokemon in bed together for a while last night XD It was good actually. We call it 'monning' together. Or just chant Mon Mon Mon XD

I woke up at 6am after a horrible nightmare and in waking up I woke Jack up who says he was half awakw anyway. It was awful. I was then drenched in sweat like I had just got out the bath and hopped into bed. So drenched. I somehow got back off to sleep til 8am. I woke up after dreaming my cake plate had been taken away from me!!! I was so disappointed XD

The inhaler ramped up my anxiety before shopping this morning

but shopping was nice and easy we were very fast as we didnt need much and even had a smaller trolley! We got back and I had fruit loaf and tea and then I cleaned the bathroom which was quite exhausting then I cooked meat for my lunches and for a couple of meals, it makes it easier when all you have to do is reheat some meat! 

We had lunch then I rested on the bed for 45min, I didnt fall asleep as I was just aching far too much it was awful. Didnt know what to do with myself but its just because I have been unable to exercise for a couple of days now. I did manage 15 mins of stretching/yoga and felt a bit better for it. I wasnt sure what to do with myself tho as I felt tired. So me Jack and Oz sat in the lounge together playing pokemon, Oz just loafed but he was happy XD at 3pm I was flagging. Its always the same point of the day where I start to feel unwell. I sat with a brew

then we sat and shaved Ozwald's tummy as unfortunately he had gotten into a bit of a mess again today and we needed to sort him out and trim his fur back so he can clean himself properly. He did sooo well! and we got a good amount of fur and matts out of him. Hes now sulking in the garden. I suppose it is semi-revenge for him savaging the plants >.> Jack is off out to do a bit of gardening whilst I am cooking the dinner. Its just fish and chips and we found a random salmon fillet pair with a seasoning already done today it was a bit more money but Jack said get it as it will save me a job of seasoning the fish. He was right. I am struggling for energy now but luckily everything can just be put in the oven and forgotten about. 

After dinner I will have a nice bath and do a face pack and face sheet~

I brought a new lip stick to try for school tomorrow - praying to every god it doesnt effect my contact dermatitis on my lips >< but I want to try! I also brought a clear mascara for school to try, I thought today I would look for my eye lash curler. Found it, not used it for 3 years at least and had it for almost 10 years, I cleaned it up to only realise the rubber on the curler bit has perished! but its only a Boots curler and years old so I can not buy replacement rubbers for it >.> so I have ordered myself a curler I have wanted for YEARS a Shiseido, theyre expensive but you can always buy replacement rubbers for them and they are used by make up professionals all the time so they must be good?

I have asked Jack if I can have a house plant in the bedroom and he has agreed so I will try get hold of one soon. Its called 'mother in law's tongue' its suppose to purify the air and promote sleep! I have 2 mini cacti in the bedroom but I want an actual house plant!

tomorrow is school

I will try my new lip stick and it might help me look well

dont think I have too much going off at school. However, my Jack is in school but he will be doing a first air course from 9 til 2:30 so I will not see him and will have to hold the fort myself. i hope I dont have to do too much running around -______-

its a UTI

 Evening

I didnt do my diary yesterday as I was poorly

So yesterday I had the task of during a urine sample....its much easier for guys - you dont end up peeing on your hand>.> 

Mum kindly took said urine sample to the doctors at 9am and at 9:15am I had a txt message from the doctors "you do have a UTI a prescription has been sent to the pharmacy for you" Angie is amazing. and how fast was that!? so I rang my mum and she said she would go and collect my prescription for me. A whole 6 tablets XD kid you not, 6 pills! 3 days twice daily. 

I had such a rough morning tho, I not only felt unwell, but upon leaving the house - I had to go toilet. And I could not get off the toilet. I made us so late...I was dying on the toilet there was nothing I could do. We started work at 8am but didnt leave the house til 7:50am.....

when we got to work, Jack said "you really shouldnt have come Jo you look so unwell"

yeah I felt it. But luckily I didnt have shed loads on so I was able to sit and work at my desk most of the morning otherwise I think I would have passed out

My mum came over for lunch then she gardened for a good hour whilst I went to bed as I was like death. At this point it really was hurting me to pee.....

Jack didnt have gaming and I thought we were gonna have a nice evening together and play pokemon shield and sword but....

my dad found us some more rockery stones so Jack went with him to pick those up. Also when it came to playing on pokemon finally, my stomach decided it needed yet MORE quality time on the toilet. Not that anything came of it (think my bowels were literally empty) but all it did was make me do more painful wees! I was seriously hating life by this point and felt terrible. I was too tired and drained to want to start pokemon. I crawled into a ball on the bed and killed demons on Disgaea4

I couldnt sleep tho. I did not know what to do with myself. My body hurt more than normal, my stomach was in horrendous pain and I had a banging headache on the pillow

I was up til 2am feeling like I would welcome death

This morning I didnt feel good but I was determined to get out

we popped out to the range and I got my art supplied ^^ we popped into a cheap supermarket on our way home and at this point I was so done in.

we got home and had a brew 

I cleaned Oz out and that was more exhausting than usual.

It wasnt hurting to wee as bad which was nice tho

After lunch I went to bed for 90mins I got up but didnt know what to do with myself as my head hurt too much to do art, I couldnt exercise but I am no good at allowing myself rest even if my infection riddled body needs it! I felt fat and stressed out

Jack suggested we have a brew and start pokemon. But playing games at 2:30pm!? I cant just waste time so freely like this can I!? I felt so guilty. We played pokemon and had Oz in

I made biscuits and did dinner but that took it out of me.

I am gonna have to accept the fact I can no exercise in this state. I have eaten chocolate and biscuits. I do hate myself and my body right now. Not a lot I can do about all that right now.

I will go for a bath very soon and then we will probably watch anime and play pokemon in bed.

I am hoping I feel better tomorrow

tomorrow is food shop and bathroom clean, also last day of these anti biotics

Water Infection??

 Evening

I had stomach ache in bed again last night but what is new! So I had to get up as I needed pain killers by this point. Jack got up with me and we were back in bed for 11pm. I slept through after that dreaming of wrestling with dog and play fighting, It was good. Jack said I was tossing in my sleep a lot and even through Hammington on top of him at one point ><

I got up and did a 2 litre wee it was slow and long -____-

I didnt want to go school I just felt rough. I felt more achy and tired and I didnt even work out yesterday!

School was ok I guess

But everytime I went for a wee, Id stand up once I was done and felt like I could pee again. It was odd. 

Then at 11:30am when I went for a wee it felt a bit burny. At this point I did wonder if I was ok.

I wondered what could be up. I was going home at 11:50am and having lunch with mum and I would speak with her.

But what if I needed to go doctors?

what day was it that they close at lunch?

what if I need to be examined down there?

will mum tell me off that I didnt ring her and waited to talk when I got home?

my thoughts spiralled and at 11:40am I rang her

she said "it sounds like a water infection, does it itch down there?"

I said "no it doesnt itch at all"

she said "well at least its not thrush then!"

I havent had a water infection for like 15years, I have never had thrush ether (told it is painful AF)

mum said she would go doctors whilst I would be driving home as they were shutting for the afternoon very shortly, she would pick me up a sample bottle - of course thats how you check! why did I think I had to drop my drawers!? XD 

so I told Jack how stuff was and I went home

I got home and mum brought me loo roll (id asked for the other day) and a sample bottle. To anyone looking at this scene - it looked like I had a problem XD

we had lunch together

but basically what I gotta do is pee in a bottle, mum will collect it and take it doctors. I would do it myself but I need to start work before doctors even opens! so poor mum is on pee patrol -____- gotta love ya mums! 

I said "I did feel a bit rotten this morning and Jack said I looked pale and I have a headache"

she said "yeah you can be really poorly with a water infection you know"

can you??? I had no idea. I just thought it hurt when you peed!! 

So mum left

I worked on Jack's canvas and then around 3pm I started to flag

I started to feel crappy

My head pounded, I was shivering and hot, I ached more and felt tired. So my afternoon was crappy. Not to mention off stomach. Doesnt hurt any worse when I wee tho which is lucky

Jack was home late but it didnt matter as I wasnt fit to exercise anyway.

I fell asleep after dinner for 40mins >< by accident! 

I had a hot bath

My dad might pop round with some stones for the garden he is off to go view. He didnt tell us he was going so we couldnt go!!

tomorrow

its school - if I am well enough!