Kitty Cafe photos

Afternoon

God I'm so bored!!! it's only 3pm but cus i'm so bored
im doing my blog now just for something to do!!
I've had a sore throat since friday
but only this morning did it manifest into something more -___-
I woke up feeling hot but I was shivering I ached and had a bad headache
then til about 1pm I was dashing to the toilet like every 20mins
i feel empty
God damn viruses!! my immune system is seriously crap
so of course I txted adam to say I wasnt coming out
cus really at that time I couldnt leave the bathroom not that he was gonna know that XD
He was disappointed but at least he could do something with his sunday
ive done bugger all!!!

I did some cross stitching, japanese, went on my laptop
i actually went to research rabbits. naughty i know
but I wanted to see how easy/hard it was to find a proper rabbit breeder
 tiffin was from pets at home
which is a chain pet store and i dont know where they get their rabbits from
and im not conviced theyre not inbred or something
sky my first rabbit was pedigree and from white post farm
he lived til 6 and was healthy til he had a bone infection
so im thinking of not going pets at home this time. theyre rabbits are cheaper and come with free vaccinations which is great and they get a health check. so it starts off good but i just wonder if in the long run its the best thing to do 
kip was from a random pet shop and god knows where they get their rabbits from.

It turned out to be very hard to find a legit seller of bunnies
tara said she'd give me the number of the breeder she got hers from
so thats something
then i got in contact with white post farm
they will have some bunnies available from 7th april but you can reserve them 31st march
that would be perfect as i promised mum if i got another one it would be after ive been away with adam. im still unsure on weather id like another or not
but i feel like i know theyre there IF i do want one
plus it gives me a few weeks to see how i cope 
today i've missed him like mad just cus ive been home alone a lot today

tomorrow it's school once again
booooo i cant be bothered to go with the way im feeling
and the fact i have done nothing with my weekend
gotta work 5 days til i can have some fun

im gonna paint rabbits on my nails tonight

tomorrow tara said i can go over and see her boys
i miss the touch of a bunny
might give her some food tiffin had open. no point in it going off
adam is disappointed cus we didnt meet but also because our schedules dont fit
this week so it looks like he's gotta wait til the weekend to see me i cant remember last time i say him actually. i'll survive with out him. i dont survive without tiffin
anyway i uploaded photos from kitty cafe

we had a whole sofa to our selves and a cat soon came and played with helina's bag XD

Then a tissue fell outta my pocket and it was destroyed

we saw this cat which looks liked a freakin' lion

i mean just check out his paws they were huge like a lions!!

I had earl grey tea cus i love the way they serve tea here :D so cute

I ate a cheese and baked bean panini (my combo!!) it was amazing!!! i love beans and cheese
helina had pizza cus she doesnt eat many different foods haha very fussy eater i have to say

we just went round taking photos
but i have to say i feel there was a lot less cats than last time we went 

 

Said my goodbyes to Tiffin

Last night I fell asleep from exhaustion 
i dreamed of tiffin.
i held him in my arms i could feel his weight and fur.
i told him i loved him and that I always will.
i woke up and my arms where in the position of me cradling him how i used to. 
i fell into a peaceful sleep. when i woke up in the morning i found my tiffin plush and kip plush on the floor...
now they never fall on the floor from my bed it's usually my bigger toys if any. so have both these 2 felt a little strange. i cant even remember the last time my tiffin plush had fallen from my bed. so i know it wasnt real but i feel i've said my goodbye to him.  
It feels like I have a little closure even though I know it wasnt real.
But it was a sweet dream. It did freak me out a bit finding my Tiffin and Kip plush on the floor I have to say and I told mum.

I didn't do much today
i cleaned out his cage. mum offered to do it. but i wanted to do it.
i felt it was my responsibility no matter how sad
im not going to wash his blanket though i want to keep it the way it is.
i havent chucked his toys out of my room yet. I have held onto a lot of stuff
simply in case I get another bunbun 

I went out at 10am with mum to the shops
and brought Tiffin a little 'gravestone' and put it where he's buried
we have quite the little cemetery going now
it all looks a bit messy I know but we tend to clean it in spring when the horrid
winter weather has passed.
 I hope he rests in peace
the ornament is quite fitting as he used to lay like that

 I do feel a loss without him. I have been thinking about 'another one'
a part of me thinks 'hell life is too short just get another one and enjoy it'
 another part of me thinks i shouldn't be bogged down with a rabbit, to enjoy my youth and not have the worry that i have a rabbit waiting at  home,
 i also want to go abroad and maybe even work abroad and i feel maybe i wouldnt want to leave a rabbit behind if i did go abroad. i know my mum would take care of it if  i did go away but she wouldnt be too thrilled about it.

I plan on having a little talk with mum tonight just about rabbits
just feel i want to say a few things out loud instead of typing them.

I have been fussing my piggies
theyre doing alright
I wonder if they know the prince isnt here anymore

I slept for 3 hours today to escape reality 
I havent done anything really today
I sat in front of the TV watching Bridget Jones Diary whilst hand sewing
the sausage dog i started for dad ages ago i never finished
i got it done so at least i've done something today i guess.

Tomorrow Im suppose to be seeing adam
we had planned to go to the city centre
but im gonna see how i feel cus currently i just feel physically and mentally drained 
we were planning on playing bowling but i dont feel like i could enjoy myself tomorrow
i mean i dont mind meeting up i guess but i dont know what im gonna be in the mood to do
i know moping around doesnt help matters but i do feel the spark i have has vanished
since tiffin has gone. 
time is a good healer i know but not much time has passed its all a bit raw.
and im feeling fragile with it all.
i miss him too much

♥Tiffin♥

Today my heart broke
I'm not going to sugar coat it
Today Tiffin passed away

I can't believe I've even had to type that sentence
It's set me off crying again I'm afraid

4 hours ago I got home to find my mum at the front door telling me to come in
instantly I knew something was wrong (I thought I'd done something wrong!!)
Then I thought 'crap is it pinky? has she died?'
She started to cry and said "you know what I'm going to say don't you?"
"no, mum please whats happened? I want to know"
She eventually got out the words

"At 1pm Tiffin passed away. I'm so sorry Jo. I had seen him only a few minutes
previously as I was putting the girls outside. I heard a few thumping noises, went into
the shed and he was just laying there outside his cage. I just knew he had gone. I went to go
see if he had really just died and he had. I thought about rushing him to the vets but I knew
he had just passed away. I think he'd had a heart attack or a fit and just gone. I rang dad he came
home immediately and agreed tiffin had passed away and we buried him together. I'm so sorry.
I didn't want to tell you until you were home"

Well after that I think I must have reacted the way a mother is told their child has passed away
I was just shaking sobbing mess
I was just numb and trying to form words over my crying
I needed to know everything
mum said he'd been fine all morning he had a treat and been out with the girls, eating the grass,
had a fuss. just normal happy bunny
Heck before i went to work I was chasing and playing with him and gave him a treat. He'd even jumped
into the girls run this morning (without them in it) and I had to get him out! such a scamp.
He was totally fine

It's shocking how quickly life can be taken from us
I never saw this coming. truly I didn't.
In a way I'm glad I didn't have to put him down but this was just so unexpected
yes he still had lil cough still which was going and was still on daily anti-biotics
but apart from that he was perfectly healthy
he'd put weight on since he got sick. he was doing fine.
and now hes gone.

I've never bonded with a rabbit as quickly as I did tiffin
there was something about him that from the second I saw him I knew
it had to be him. He was meant for me and my family
He settled in well and was very social with my family and guineas
and just became a part of the family in the short 2 years we had him.

I can't express my sadness and heart ache.
I am going to miss him so much. Mum said she will miss him and she cried too
he was the closest she'd ever been with any of my rabbits
My love for him was so deep. I would have done anything for him
No matter how crap my day had been, just seeing his little face would make my own face smile
and everything would feel better instantly because he just made me feel happy
he was truly my best friend and we were there for each other
some people may think it's sad that i was this close my bunny
but i dont care I loved him and he was very loved, cared for, appreciated, cherished and spoiled

I wish tiffin wasnt ripped away from my life as suddenly as he was
id do anything to get him back but i know life isn't like that
so i resign myself to saying
X please rest in peace tiffin X
I will always love you
and thank you for the precious memories you gave to me
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My first rabbit Sky I got 8th March 2005
Tiffin my last rabbit died 10th March 2017
I have owned rabbits for 12 years
I'm 25
So for almost half my life I've had a rabbit
it's going to be very hard with out one
It's too soon to talk about 'another one'
my parents have never denied me of another rabbit
but mum said she'd like me to wait for a bit
she'd told me that when I lost Kip but 2 days later I found Tiffin!
So we shall see. You never know what the future holds
personally I have said that IF I decide that I do in fact want another bunny
then I'd like a female. Because I feel I will never get another beautiful prince like tiffin again

First TA meeting and BMI 18.9

Good Evening

I did sleep a bit better last night
and no scratching although I am scratching a fair bit today
like having fleas i swear!
I didn't wanna get up this morning but of course I did
cus Jozu is a morning person ^^

School was alright
it started with a teaching assistant's meeting
i have never been in a staff meeting before!
So it gave me zero time to prepare for lesson!
so i have ran round like a headless chicken today
i had work through my break time as well so from
7am til 12:25pm I did not stop
i was done in!!
school was alright though and I talked with the TA in the classroom
about the child I care for, things setting up for her and the support shes gonna need
all schools are waiting til their budget comes through in april then they know
what funding they will have available basically
I hope i get some extra work, i told them i didn't mind continuing her care and i dont mind if they want to get someone more qualified in to do the job
but she reassured me that i was doing a great job ^^

I came home and had cheese on toast!
just one more day to go at school!
Then I had dentist booooooo but everything was fine luckily :D
i saw mia as well there bless her she told me after my examination she envies my straight teeth
i have been lucky with my teeth
about the only part of my body that does function properly!
I went round charity shops i got a necklace with a sewing machine charm on it and a pair of tights
then i came home for a brew
did some cross stitch then just been with tiffin :)
gonna do some dance and yoga now
feels weird not going yoga tonight but we're going tomorrow instead

I had to think about my outfit for school tomorrow as helina is picking me up
from the school gates then we're going kitty cafe so im not gonna have chance to
change my outfit so i wanted to look tidy for work but casual for kitty cafe
i think i've nailed the look :)
im looking forward to kitty cafe actually
gonna be shattered tho tomorrow
school - kitty cafe (bit of shopping) - yoga
i want to just check tomorrow what bra and pants debenams have on offer when i go town tomorrow
helina wont mind as she loves that department XD

I did my BMI last night cus adam told me what his BMI was
and mine is 18.9 if it goes down to 18.4 id be classified as Under weight
which surprised me actually as i really dont feel under weight at all
not that i'm gonna go put weight on cus it will only upset my thoughts
i told adam he didn't say anything about shoving food down me luckily
cus he knows i find it difficult

here are my nails for this week
the children loved them
clouds and weather and umbrella 

 

Scratching in sleep? who does that?

Evening

Once again I did not sleep
life is becoming an endurance run at the moment
just so shattered
I was aching in the night really and also scratching
a lot of scratching
waking myself up cus im scratching my face, neck, hair, back
WHY!?
so yeah i was tired this morning

School felt like hard work
it wasnt anything different really just a typical day
I got home and warmed up left over pasta with mum
then we went shops together for a lil while
Then literally as we came home adam turned up ><

got like no time to relax at all really
although we didnt do an awful lot together
but still being with someone is draining espically when they tickle me and it makes me
move and squirm 
but its nice to have the company it is
its taking some getting used to as im so used to being by myself 
he talked stuff over with me, telling me he loves spending time with me, he wants me to be more honest and open about my condition, he wants to know how my head works (dont we all) he wont get bored of me and he's happy to wait for things to develop (if they do) he wont rush or pressure me.
so its nice to hear it all said to my face and it is slowly sinking in that someone wants to put up with me but i still have doubts that im too much of a commitment to make

i took him home
had dinner then caught up online really
tomorrow is school and i have dentist as well ><
no yoga as we're going to a friday class instead to try a different teacher!
my nails for this week 

 

What Tara gave me

Good Evening~

I slept a lil better last night luckily

My dad at school wasnt too bad really ether
easy enough I suppose and Ive really got a handle on the paper work
in fact the other teaching assistants are on about getting me to do more stuff
in reguarding to helping the child I work with
nice to feel trusted and that im actually helping

I came home had left over pasta i made on saturday
then I went to bed for an hour
just cus i was a bit tired but also cus i kinda just wanted 'me time'
time to switch off really

Adam txted saying he wants to see me tomorrow
he told me yesterday we weren't meeting til sunday!
in fact he'd rang me whilst i slept mum had answered my phone and told him i was asleep ><
i think if i was awake i reckon he'd of walked over!

Then I sorted a few bits out and stuff
nothing much cus i didnt want to do a lot really
and Im off to see mia tonight as well 
finally! so i needed energy for that!

Tomorrow I am at school
and wednesday is my best day simply cus its very easy!
and goes pretty quick!
 I've ordered a couple of face creams id like to have ago with
i'm in the mood to play with make-up as of late
just a shame stuff takes a while to come from korea or japan ><

I forgot to show what tara gave me for my birthday the other week!
its been plaguing my desk top all week!
first pokemon socks!!

Next mini battery operated lights -still unsure where to put em

Magnetic nail varnish - yes there is such a thing!

Then she's been telling me to have ago with jewels on my nails

Cute bows - I have used 2/3 already :D

and she couldnt resist making me a candle which is a tradition i feel now ^^ 

right im off to go for a walk with mia!

It's like I'm at the bottom of a well

Evening

Last night was a repeat of last sunday night
I once again couldnt sleep and lay there aching
mum said she heard me sleep talking "why can't I sleep?" ><
I was quite tired come morning but it was a lovely bright morning
so that made it all feel better :)

School was alright really the child I care for
was very tired herself so it was difficult to get her work or stay on task
but the morning soon went

I came home and had cheese on toast
then did some dancing! I had a right fun time and sweated
so hopefully i will sleep tonight
then I layed out on my bed hoping i'd fall asleep before adam came over
no such luck, he'd worked hard to finish early for me ><

We played pokemon and I watched him play as well
he cuddled me and we talked about stuff
i went and got a shower then dressed for dinner
didnt bother with hair or make-up cus quite frankly i could not be arsed!!

I had fish pie, then shared a chocolate cake and ice cream with adam
it was good a lil pricey tho i have to say

just tired
i know im tired cus i struggle mentally
i struggled about how many calories must be in the food i was choosing for dinner
i struggle with adam (i hide it well)
its hard seeing someone so often cus im simply exhausted from work AND socializing 
realistically right now my body can only handle one or the other
but once again i push myself

I was trying to explain to mum the way i feel
i feel numb, ive never had fancy feeling for guys
its never ever been there almost like i was never given the hormone 
i feel like i'm in the bottom of a well by myself and adam is at the top extending his hand to me to join him in life and some days i latch onto that arm wanting to be part of a 'normal' life other days i feel like pushing the hand away and keeping to my loneliness not needing anyone
but surely if you like LIKE someone you should want to be with them all times right?
so why do i have moments of not wanting or needing anyone?
i feel its in my genes
my dad's side of the family - his uncle, his sister. never married no kids no relationships. nothing
just alone
and i refuse to let that become my future
i do not want to be alone
but im struggling to make that jump into life. and im not sure why im struggling....
anyway enough of that its depressing me

Tomorrow I have school then im FINALLY seeing mia for a walk i believe after she'd finished work. be good to actually see my lovely sister. prehaps she can talk some sense into me!
cus when i dwell on stuff for too long at the moment i find im holding tears back!

I got this make-up the other day
its a pink eyeshadow liner i use it to line my eyes. it's brand is Lioele and its really nice actually as it's subtle i will keep posting make-up as and when it comes!