Evening~
I didn't sleep too badly last night
I got up and did a little bit of dancing
sorted out fabric as a friend has a requested a baby blankie~
I also did some hama bead work as i was experimenting with maybe
doing some art work for my room
Made charmander but not happy with it
and so the art work didnt happen
I got lunch ready for adam
he came over after he'd done with work
i felt very annoyed, irritable, wanted an argument or a fight
trying so hard not to bite heads off people
eventually went out into a town
i went round charity shops and i went round a few stores
i was happy cus i got the baby blanket i needed and also a brown felt eye liner!!
this brand that cheap but good does black and ive been waiting for brown to
be released and it has! and its a lovely chocolate brown too!
cant wait to use it
I was gonna buy a japanese one but theyre £10+ and if it dried out before i got much
use out of it, it would be a total waste of money
today's was £2.90 :D
i also picked up 2 cheap blankets i might do something with for presents
I had a whole week with out thoughts and everything else that goes off
inside my head and today it came flooding back
thats were the annoyed irritable mood came from
im disappointed to say the least
as i now have to share my head space again
After shops I went to adams for an hour for a brew
then I came home and researched a few patchwork blanket ideas
and then it was time for yoga!
Yoga was good and tiring
got back and id missed a late call from the agency so i rang back
and i have work! its for tomorrow
same school as ive been to be before and theyve booked me for next friday
i was kinda looking forward to doing some craft work tomorrow
but work is work gotta get on with it :)
Tomorrow I have work like I say
then I will have a sleep cus I am need of energy for my evening
at 9:45pm I will set off for adam's work place - greyhound racing stadium
I will search for him and then he will finish at 10:30pm
I will take us both to his house and have a sleep over!!! X3
I havent slept over in ages~ so im looking forward to it
but it will be a little strange i have never seen him at work heck ive never
been to the stadium before! but also he says he needs an hour to chill after work
so i told him id leave him alone and probably go to bed as i'll be tired
but i'll no doubt wake up when he climbs into bed im a light sleeper after all
he says i dont need to need him alone but i know my brother is the same after work
so i'll give him space
then i'll have a bath saturday morning I can not wait!!!!
sleep over!! X3
Evening~
I didn't sleep too bad
dad woke me up at 7am
I had a mad dash getting out the house this morning
I was out by 7:45am
brewless and I hadnt seen any of my pets
The journey that should have taken just under 30 mins
took an hour
I was late
and not a happy bunny
Lucky the school staff were nice and were fine with my lateness
thank god cus i was coming in just as the kids were
it was a religious school...so i had to watch my "gods" and "jesus"'s XD
but seriously it was full on
crosses and god mentioned everywhere
morning pray
morning pray assembly
lunch pray
holy music being played during lunch time
end of the day pray
talk about rammed down your throat
My roles today
I helped out with hand writing
took a group of 12 children to practice spelling (i had no lesson plan from the teacher I just has to wing it and I did rather well)
worked with half the class for maths then swapped to the other half
sat with 2 children doing drawing whilst the rest did P.E.
brought 7 children one by one from music to finish their maths
supported the class with music
and i missed both breaks cus i had to stay in the classroom
so i only got a 50min lunch
i was done in!!!
the school was alright but there was a fair few kids in the class that were pure trouble makers the kind were you know their parents just havent raised them with respect for others
I left on time and the reception staff told me the teacher was pleased with me and they have kept my name on record, its good to get some feedback :)
had missed a phone call from an agency whilst in class so i rang them back
i have work for 13th at a school ive been to before they said they would have me again and it looks like they were true to their word!
I got home and collapsed on the sofa with a brew, mum's cookies and Oz
i havent done much else if im honest
I did draw this last night
took an hour its a tree in the shape of a bird
i saw a picture similar and decided to draw it XD
wonder if i'll draw tonight
i know id like to practice dancing as with any luck i might be able to get
some recording done tomorrow!
never get any alone time!!
Tomorrow I believe I am seeing adam~
god knows what were doing
KonbanWA~~~
I didn't sleep too bad last night
just waking up cus I can't breathe damn it >.>
I got up and had missed a call from the agency Im guessing it was work
but I felt terrible I really did
I managed to get up and have breakfast
I told adam I wasnt feeling very well but I tried to pick myself up
as the morning went on
and in the end I was determined not to waste my day
I sniffed some stuff to help me breathe
my face was sore so I used one of the Korean face sheets I brought last week
I used the rabbit one, can't say I feel the difference but it did sooth my face
So I picked adam up
Another reason I wanted to see him was because it marks the 6 months
we have been together damn it!
I can not believe it's been 6 months
jesus where has it gone
and we havent had a single argument
he said to me "its been the best 6 months ever and enjoyed every minute" today
he is always sweet to me and always treats me well, and is patient with me no end
i've done well with him i know i have ^^
i hope we last another 6 months~
We went into a town
adam said he was hungry from gym so i thought a pub dinner would do him better than a cafe meal
I felt sickly so I had soup and he had a massive mix grill
gammon
5oz steak
2x chicken breast
2x sausages
egg
chips
I would have been sick
but he enjoyed it and ate it ALL
The pool table was free so we went and had 3 games
my hands were shaking a lot due to fatigue but I didnt do too badly
it was fun tho :)
We went round the shops and I brought a jumper with a guinea pig on it!!!!
how damn rare is that!!!! I was buying it no matter how much it was
it was only £4.99
then I found a black jumper covered in stars it had no price and was a good brand
i thought they'd charge me £4.99 nope they said £2 :D
I brought a cute necklace too
I then went to adams and had a brew
then I came home at 3pm just cus i was exhausted
as I did I got a phone call from the agency they offered me a job but its 14 miles away
but I want to work so I took the job
ive got a new CD in my car I'll just get on with it~
I google mapped it and it turns out the school is right next to a school i used to teach at when i had my mad science job, so I know the route :D
Im looking forward to it and its year 3 so im happy its not the little ones~
Ive got all sorted to go
got to be there at 8:20am so ive got to leave home now later than 7:45am
early start for Jozu ><
I drew a bird tonight randomly
couldnt decide what to draw and thats what happened
i will photograph it sometime
so tomorrow it's work
my first day back~
Evening all
Yesterday I didn't sleep too bad but i felt quite unwell when i woke up
i ended up going back to bed
i told adam i'd see him at 1pm with Oz
i didnt know what was up with me, so i googled the withdrawal symptoms
of the medication im currently trying to drop and it turns out that is whats up with me
so i think ive been dropping my medication a lil too fast
1 a week is too quick it seems
i took Oz up at 1pm then I came home to drop him off and i went up with adam
to the local park for a walk which i enjoyed but it was an effort
then we came back to my house whilst i sorted a few things out for the evening
then went to his house for the evening, i ended up going to sleep for a little bit
i felt and looked like a zombie i must have looked awful
i felt like a junkie all i could think about was when my next medication was due
something weird happened on the way to adam's tho when i was bringing Oz up
a guy say about 19/20 years old was on the corner of the pavement
i was pulling up to the T-junction and he was staring right at me just constantly staring
i had no idea who this guy was, and he walked out in front of a car coming round the corner
luckily the car saw him and stopped and beeped
i just thought "what a freak thats what you get for staring"
why would he have been looking at me?
i said to mum "its probably because i looked so much like a zombie he was surprised to see a zombie driving a car" XD
I slept really crappy
I was aching and like a junkie i ended up getting up for some pain killers
and a hot chocolate i couldnt stand the pain any longer
and i could feel myself scratching everywhere cus thats what i was do
when im a bit stressed, so i thought id rather have medication than sore skin
But I had to get up at 8am -____-
felt really not that good
I went for acupuncture
i had the spoon treatment but he said the spoon wasnt getting deep enough
so he wanted to use his hands
and for a weedy looking guy i was surprised of his strength!! honestly i thought
he was gonna pull my shoulder from its socket!
i felt like id been ran over afterwards and i still had the needles to endure
i love my life XD
I got home and txted adam that i wasnt coming out
and went to bed
my phone went and woke me it was adam asking if he could come visit
and i could hardly say no i would have felt too bad afterwards
so he came and brought his own lunch so i wouldnt have to make him any
and he insisted on walking home so i didnt have to drive
i did look and feel like a zombie
we just lazed round and talked and fussed my pets
that was it for 3 hours
it was nice in a way cus i would have spent my afternoon alone
then my family comes in and it all goes stressy
my household is so stressful compared to adam's relaxed atmosphere
i envy it in a way
i had an early dinner cus i felt like it
recently i could be sick at the sight of some food or even some smells
so i gotta eat when i can
then ive just been making a card for tara and a card for my therapist
but now id like to dance
im determined to try my best cus lately every time i go to dance i get dizzy and i mess up constantly almost like my head is too fuzzy to remember the moves
tomorrow I have put my self down for available for work
whether i get any will be another story
if not im going to have lunch out with adam and go to a few charity stores
and then his house then home i believe
so i have options
and it depends if im not a corpse
Here's a really cool necklace I got in the post :D
i love bats~
Konbanwa~
I spent a whole hour last night trying to draw
tried 4 different pictures all of which were rubbed out >.>
Couldnt draw and the image in my head wasnt strong but still
those pictures sucked big time it was like my 13 year old drawings
shameful
Anyway I woke up 3 times last night turning over from aching
and my brother coming in from drinking with his mate
When I got up at 8am I felt a bit off but I got up and did pig duty and
cleaned the cages out
and after than i went to bed
i just felt done in and just not well
so i had a good hour in bed
adam was wondering where i was and he went to get food without me
but he kindly got me a chicken cob :)
i still made it to his house for lunch time
me with my red hair none of them expected that XD
But all 3 of them said how nice it was an how it suited me :)
so i was happy about that. not that adam's opinion would have changed anything XD
We played pokemon in front of the damn football -_____-
then I did his mum's nails which are chocolate themed
she loved them as she had brought me a little something
a white mug with a brown rabbit on it! looks a bit like Ozwald actually
it was a lovely surprise i was happy she was just grateful having her nails done
each and every week but they do enough for me its least i could do you know?
so i had a brew out of it :)
adam said to me "are you flagging?" i thought I was keeping my tiredness under wraps but obviously not, i told him to stop over analysing my behaviour
i said i wouldnt mind laying down on his bed for the last half hour or so
and thats what we did then i went home
got unchanged and went to bed for 2 hours
just felt unwell i hope im not coming down with anything
i had another disturbing dream this would be day 3 now
day 1 i dreamed about a dictator that i knew was a puppet i whacked him in the head and it killed him and suddenly im running for my life
day 2 i had to find a body that had been buried
day 3 (today) i was some sort of beastly monster and i had to rip out human hearts with my fangs in order to survive
just where the hell does this stuff come from!!? no wonder i dont sleep well
I got up and didnt eat much for dinner i didnt want it
tomorrow i havent planned yet cus im not sure how im gonna be
adam offered Oz to come up and then maybe play pool in a pub
but im not sure what i want to do
i'll have a think
Im happy with my red hair tho :)
Evening~~
I woke up plenty last night just aching
god i ached from yoga
that woman murdered us
Anyway I slowly got ready this morning
I wanted to look my age so I curled my hair and tried to do mature looking make up
think it looked ok
before i left i had a call from an agency and they had work for me just down the road
how typical is that -___________-
so i gave up £50 for an interview makes me sick thinking about it
I got parked up and stuff
I was to be interviewed with 2 other people
a guy my age (to which i instantly thought "crap" but i'll fill you in on that)
and an middle age asian lady
when I saw the guy i just knew i wouldnt get the job
you see MALE teaching assistants are very sought after as theyre rare
also the school only had 1 male member of staff...which isnt good actually
so i knew he'd get it just to boost the male to female staff ratio up
and like i say theyre sought after
but i did the interview to the best of my ability for my own sake and practice
I had to go work in a classroom for 20mins i was with year 4
the students and staff were lovely actually and it was a good school
but the more i learned about the job the more doubts started to sink in
i would be expected to give half my lunch time up to do playground duty so id only get 30mins for lunch, i would have regular playground duty, be expected to stay after school for meetings, stay til at least 4:15pm and it was monday to friday. all in all i started to worry that my health wouldnt be up to such a task. you would have to be very dedicated to work at that school.
after i worked in the classroom i was first to be interviewed by a TA and the head teacher no less
went alright wasnt the worst grilling ive had
then i came home and at 2:30pm they rang and said i came 2nd place and they were impressed with me. i felt relieved in a way that i wouldnt be pushing myself for 5 months but it was a good school anyway it all experience and stuff just sad i could have actually worked today
hopefully i can work next week
came home and i was really tired think the adrenaline had worn off
mum went to acupuncture i started working on mia's peg bag which i have finished actually
mum came back and she had coped fine like i knew she would she worries for no reason a lot like her mother used to. whittling is what i call it. but she came in said she didnt have the 'wuss' needles that i have to use >.> show off and she didnt squirm
we went for a 20min walk just to get out
then i went and did more sewing whilst she baked then she dyed my hair for me :)
I am officially red now i will take a photo tomorrow~
tomorrow I believe it's a usual saturday of going up to adam's
Evening~~
I only woke up once last night!!!
A victory for me~
it was 3:30am and I managed to get off once again
I ended up waking up at 9:15am tho >< late
Must have needed the sleep I guess
I felt better than yesterday I have to say
I started Mia's card
and I cant remember what else I did in the morning I know me and my brother
had a little scrap but he was armed with a baseball bat so was unfair to say the least
the fight soon dissipated tho as we looked outside and the lamppost in front
of our drive way "neighbour hood watch" van had pulled up
I have never seen that van before and it clearly belonged to the council
they were putting up a "no dog fouling" sign on our lamppost
great >.>
but what got us was that it took 2 people to do it
yes 2 people to put up a sign smaller than an A4 sheet of paper
held up with some wire
one person held the wire whilst the other cut
it was ridiculous
it was TWO people to put up a sign
what is the world coming to
i can see our taxes are spent well
jesus
Anyway Adam came over after work
he watched me tidy room from making mia's card cus the room was in quite a state
we didnt stay for long tho and went to his house
we didnt do a lot cus i didnt have long but we did go up to the shops for a drink and cake
well i had cake he had a meatball panini
we casually talked about what roles we'd do if we moved out together
dont know why that topic cus no way are ether of us moving out
nether of us are on enough money to do that
i came home for yoga but finished mia's card quickly
Yoga jesus that woman murdered us again
we were knackered honestly
i was laughing cus thats how i get through it
we came home showered and ate
then i got my stuff ready for tomorrow
my bag and clothes are ready
the last thing to do is just research the school a little bit in the morning
my interview is at 10:30am
im looking forward to being in a classroom again
obviously not looking forward to being grilled in the interview
but its all experience of course~
then when i get home i can start mia's peg bag
here are this week's nails but i have already planned my next nails and adam's mum's for saturday morning :D
I named a certain someone in my life Yin tonight
as it makes talking about her easier now she has a name
I chose a name to do with protection
I thought Yin worked well as she is the Yin to my Yang
things dont seem as scary when they have a name
