Last day of being 26

Yo~~

I took a sleeping tablet last night
sent me to sleep but didnt keep me asleep -____-
need tranquillisers
But still I woke up feeling groggy but like Id had deeper sleep some how

I was a bit outta it all morning
i managed some painting and ive got 16 squares left i do believe
I went food shopping with mum
picked up a white chocolate tray bake to take into work on friday
we came back and we had an early lunch and then set off for this massage and acupuncture 

we had a lil trouble finding the place
but got there and both of us were called through to an open treatment room
were there was bamboo screens separating patients 
an american woman saw to me and she told me she had a degree in psychology 
and cus of the notes she took from me id ticked psychosis 
she kinda started talking about that kinda
and all i could think about was that id finished my psychology sessions yesterday
i was not wanting anymore!
she massaged me for i think 45mins or 30 mins
ether way it was alright and a bit different
then this guy came and did my acupuncture
i had 16 needles in my stomach
all of which didnt hurt so it was ok
but he left me there for 30 mins and i was getting back ache and bum ache
the music was repetitive too  
mum said she had got back ache as well and found the music annoying
and we both felt a bit weird how it was an open room treatment
we said it was a good experience but wouldnt have it again

we came back and we'd been ages
i sat with Oz and had a brew
but everything tastes horrid today due to the sleeping tablet

i felt quite tired and done in and fell asleep with Oz on my knee!
we got up and at 4pm went for a cold damp walk
but felt better for going out
then came back and went on my laptop for a bit

havent done much since then
might do a bit of dancing
but my head is so messed up i cant think or anything my emotions and moods are a mess
dont know if its acupuncture or simple tiredness 
hopefully im ok tomorrow
as tomorrow...



I'm....

27!

more like 17 XD 
never gonna mature

but yeah im another year older come 2am 
i havent got anything planned well not much
im dancing in the morning
followed by cake out with mum
then yoga in the evening
kinda just another day
say goodbye to the 26 year old me~

Free of Psychology!!!!

Evening~~

I couldnt be bothered to do my diary last night
too stuck in my own head to express my day in the best light
so I did it today~

But as for today
I didnt sleep and had to get up in the night as I ached a lot
I got up at 8am and it was another cold frosty morning
doesnt stop Ozwald coming out tho

I did 40mins of yoga
followed by 30 mins of dancing
i was tired
i was tired anyway before the exerise
and exercise felt hard today
everything felt hard today just like its hard to get going
and stuff taking extra effort

i had a much needed shower
and then cleaned my room which took effort i have to say
was not in the mood but got on with it
had lunch and went to bed for an hour

i got up and did some painting
and had a tea
then i went to psychology - an appointment  i didnt want to attend 
we talked about everything and how much i had improved in accepting myself
and the way i am and that im not crazy 
and we basically agreed that it was best to finish my sessions!!
after a whole sodding year of going to that place im finally finished!!
well happy ^^
so he said I can come back if i need to tho 
which made me feel better that i not just left alone
but i do feel it was ready and time to move on
so yeah i just gotta get on with stuff basically
i know what i need to work on and what to accept and i need to stop seeing myself in bad lights and that people will ether accept the way i am or not really
i left that place feeling happy i hadnt got to return!

i came in and announced it to mum
as i was really happy that i was finished with it all
we had a brew and i sat with Oz

now im just doing my diary and wondering how to pass my evening
as mia has said shes not feeling great and doesnt want to pass it onto me
so not seeing her now
i hope shes ok for manchester on saturday

ill probably revise science
or do some drawing

my nails this week~

bit messy actually

Tomorrow I am gonna go food shopping with mum so I can choose a cake
to bring into school on friday for my birthday just to share with the science staff
and then we have an acupuncture massage at a place we havent tried before but came recommended from yoga karen. rest of the day not sure what i will do yet. depends how i feel after the massage i guess. 

Dance with Tara

Yoi~

I didn't sleep great 
but still got on with my day

I danced for half hour til I was sweaty and showered
and pretty much got ready for work
felt a bit off tho

I got to work and saw everyone
but my head was so busy i couldnt think straight
and Jack asked if I was ok
i said I was fine
i was ok i was just in my own head I think 
I got the shift done anyway

I came home and pretty much got changed and had
a brew with Oz for 10 mins and went out to see Tara
I havent seen Tara this year so I was looking forward to seeing her

I was lucky enough to sit with her Hammy who was so damn cute
then James brought the bunnies down and my god Rocky!
he had such a foul mood on him
wouldnt stop biting me! i didnt mind as its fleeting pain and it amuses me
if anything and it reminds me of how Kip used to be with me

we then went onto Just dance together which was fun
we were both sweating afterwards but it was fun
i showed her a couple of my dances Ive been learning
she was well impressed and she knows i love doing my jpop dances
so she was supportive of it, dont think ive ever danced for her
she offered me dinner but it was 8pm
i needed to drive home, shower, have Oz out and Id had enough so I came home

Mum was annoyed with me that I hadnt really eaten all day
so I was made to put Oz home and get food at like 9pm
but I got something then I went to bed

I texted Jack to say I was sorry for being off with him
bless him he thought after sunday that i was in a mood with him
so i was glad to clear that up
he told me he was watching Lovelive! in bed
made me think that I havent watched anime in bed for agesssss
thats all i did as a teenager XD

It was good to see Tara and she gave me a birthday present
and we said we'd meet up on the 17th and do waffles~
something to look forward to to

Socialising outside of work~

Konbanwa~~

I didn't sleep
had vivid dreams and woke up at 5:45am and got up at 6:15am
it was stone cold in the house
I did 30mins of yoga and ate cereal and read
and by 7:20 I was back in bed and fell asleep for an hour luckily

I went for a walk this morning
and came in and conditioned my hair with that stuff
but wasnt that impressed with it 
I got myself ready to go meet Jack
I was nervous but it was nice having something to actually do on a sunday

I got into the city centre fine
and I was early so I looked round a few shops but didnt get anything
I walked round til I saw him at our meeting point
he had his head down looking at his phone next to a wall
so I came along and kicked my foot up the wall
scaring the living crap outta him XD it was well worth it
id won a point already XD

We walked up to a dessert place, that same chain me and mia visit in manchester
but i havent been in Nottingham's before
so i knew it did cookie dough
we got a table and we both had cookie dough
i had white chocolate with custard he had i think peanut butter with ice cream
we ate that and left and walked round a couple of stores mainly looking at manga
then we went to a pub for a drink cus it was cold
so we both had tea 
we sat round a table and he did me 2 tarot card readings it was good and his cards were so weird to look at it i enjoyed it. i have loved tarot cards for years i can remember doing a school art project with them ive always wanted to have a go with some
we did an arm wrestle as were both that mature 
safe to say i won, yes i actually won. that guy is weedy XD
we sat and talked and talked he can talk which is nice
i told him about my split personality and it didnt freak him out which surprised  me
he offered to give me a hug as he said he felt that was better than expressing it through words
i was so nervous and scared. god knows what off so he gave me a hug
and i was shaking the whole time which he noticed >< not good with guys
we had a hot chocolate and by 7:45pm we decided to call it a night
he waited at my bus stop for me despite me telling him id be fine
so that was nice of him 

i got home and got in my pajamas
rounded up Oz and sat with him for half an hour
its now 9:30pm a time im usually in bed for but needed to do diary
im gonna read in bed now

tomorrow i have a telephone appt with the doctor
then i have work

heres some face sheets i won on ebay for £2.50
considering theres 7 heres thats good value as a face sheet in stores is a minimum of £1 each

Jack was really good company
and we both dont socialise much
so we said we'd try and meet more often
we'd like to try ice skating
its good ive made another friend ^^

Done More Squares

Evening~

Didn't sleep, ended up getting up
cus my god I ached before bed
I didnt even watch 8 out of 10 cats because I was fidgeting a lot
and just tired, i knew I wasnt gonna be able to sit there til 10

This morning
I went back to bed at 6am, and woke up at 8:30am
I did a bit of dancing for 30 mins and was dripping with sweat
had a shower and went for my hair cut
got a good tidy ^^ Jo was happy for me with my new job and stuff

I came back and found mum had cleaned out pets for me
i thanked her and drove her to some shops where we got a new lamp for
the back room thats been transformed 
and we got some hair care stuff to try from Boots
picked up a one time use conditioner to try which im gonna give ago tomorrow
nothing like pampering after having my hair cut
after a hair cut i ether dye it or condition it, just to give it that boost~

Came home and had some lunch but it gave me stomach ache
which ive had all sodding day
why cant i eat!?
stupid food
I went for a walk as the sun was actually out but very cold think it was 3c
i came home and felt my chin and it was like freezing! 

I did some painting~

its coming along nicely but it also means the side bits are coming up and I dont want to do the sides XD but i will get them done at some point
I sorted out my car insurance too which was a chore but gotta be done
this year i would have been passed my driving test 10 years ago in june! 
gone so fast! 

I sat with Oz for 90 mins
thats a feat for him to sit and for myself to sit!!
we were home alone and enjoying the quiet whilst i read the Hellequin Chronicles and then I watched 8 out of 10 cats which i didnt enjoy that much this week
i took him home not that i think he wanted to go home XD

Then I heated up some soup for my dinner which mum made yesterday
tasted well good
i ate it whilst watching anime
i havent watched anime in weeks 
i gave a different series a go  -  Bungo Stray Dogs
for first episodes it was pretty good actually
so im gonna give it a go

I made dinner for my family as it helps mum
might try doing some science tonight
i need to knuckle down with it but its depressing how much i have to learn
still i will try
i want to paint my nails tonight as well

tomorrow
nervous
nervous
im meeting Jack >< 
we're meeting at 2pm I believe
and going to a dessert place in the city centre
im nervous as i feel like im gonna make an idiot of myself
dessert place = sugar high = Jo being crazy
also I havent known him long and I dont want to ruin a starting friendship 
hes probably gonna regret coming out XD
but we've texted loads since last night
mainly throwing insults at one another which comes naturally to me
we've talked about anime too and tarot cards
i love tarot cards and turns out he has a pack and can read them too *0*
if he remembers he will bring them tomorrow which will be amazing
im hoping to have cookie dough tomorrow~
not sure what to wear tho like a typical girl XD 
but yeah nervous and hope it goes ok ><
looking forward to it tho
been agesssss since ive had company on a sunday!

Hope I sleep tonight
dont wanna look like a corpse



Oh and Molly keeps squeaking its very endearing~

Share my Squares

Konbanwa~

Did I sleep >.>
I tried so hard to stay in bed but I had to get up
felt like Id been in a car wreck 
so yeah not good and I had work to go to!

My god it was cold this morning
I got to school alright and stuff
Jack thought he could spite me by making me clean out the fridge
just because the inside was covered in blood from last week
but I really didnt mind
only blood 
so yeah I got to that and then had to clean out another fridge and a freezer
both of which were blood free~
then I just did a shed load of washing up
mixed one chemical up
that was my day
spent the whole day in the chemistry lab with jack just us two
hes easy company tho i tease him where i can and tend to forget he's my boss XD
I had a hot chocolate at lunch which still gave me stomach ache
so the banana i brought didnt get ate til on my way home
dont know why i struggle to eat at school

me and  jack talked about all sorts all day really
and we got on the subject of cake
and he asked if i wanted to go out for cake on sunday
baring in mind he hasnt been out with anyone else from school
and ive only been there like 12 hours or something
so im guessing ive made a good impression
i said yeah
cus i hate sundays, its cake, and its company, and hes a good person
he was shocked id said yeah XD 
so yeah maybe on sunday i will meet up with him
if he still wants to that is
hes just text me so i have his number now
be good if i could have some company this weekend
as i have nothing planned!

I got home and was quite tired
but i danced for 25mins and then showered
felt better as i always feel like i must have chemicals on me
i probably dont but i feel like i do 
i talked with my brother and had Oz out then dinner
and did 25mins of yoga and now just doing diary
about it really

I ache so much
ive booked in to see the doctor because my joints just hurt and more often than not im having to put them back into their place. and it hurts. i hurt in the night. its going on for too long now
i had a phone call from the doctors saying ive got to have a repeat thyroid test in 2 months time because my thyroid levels are high but i think thats because im taking Iodine which helps boost thyroid function as i felt my thyroid was too sluggish and that the doctor wasnt giving me enough medication for it so i brought Iodine
im having a phone call from the doctor on monday to tell him im taking iodine guess i can see what comes of it. personally im happy if my thyroid is working too much.
rather it work too much than not enough

tomorrow i have got a hair cut
woo 
my hair has kinda lost its style somewhat
thats at 10:30am
i did try dying it pink last night but yeah it didnt really work that well XD
im gonna exercise before my hair cut
apart form hair cut i have nothing on
but i might get some more painting done
heres my squares so far, looks better from afar 

very tempted to take a sleeping tablet tonight
just cus i get no relief
and im tired of being tired and not sleeping

A week til I turn 27~

Evening~

Slept rubbish as usual
how long is this going on for!? sick of waking up aching
I feel like taking a load of pain killers
anyway today my god was it cold! it was -5c this morning
and it only reached 0c at its warmest today 0.0
so yeah very cold 
it was really frosty all day
in the morning I went and attempted to take photos of Oz outside
but would he keep still? he honestly was everywhere
so heres the best of what I got of him~

He is sweet
he was being really giddy because I was following him round the garden XD

I did 30 mins of yoga this morning as I felt like road kill
did 30 mins of dancing and got sweaty so went for a shower
then i was looking at cosmetics on line
just different stuff to try
looked at hair dye - pink - until i remembered I have some temporary stuff
in the cupboard still, so tonight im gonna put that in my hair
see what happens
nothing may come of it as my hair isnt exactly light or bleached

The furniture came and I was home alone so i had to see to the men by myself
I was ok really
just freeing cold cus i had to stand there with the door open
then I laid on my bed trying to get warm
I got up and painted
then helped sort the room out as my both my parents came home to sort it out
looks so different

then i sat with Ozwald, twice
as i didnt want to put him outside it was just too cold
he had been out but i felt cruel bringing him for a warm to boot him back out
i sat with my girls
i did guinea squeaks as I can do them quite well and it made Molly squeak!
so cute it was like talking to her XD

then I got stuff ready for school tomorrow
im not really taking lunch as i was so anxious last week that my lunch didnt sit right in my anxiously knotted up stomach and had stomach ache for the rest of my shift
i will eat when i get home cus i finish at 3pm anyway
just have a good breakfast
i feel anxious NOW about my shift
stupid really but its just cus i want to do well and get it right
and not 100% sure what i will even be doing
im hoping i get to see the pigs hearts they were doing this week
so not got anything on tomorrow apart from work which will tire me out no doubt

it is now a week before I turn 27
dont feel it, literally feels like a number on a sheet of paper as i dont feel mentally that age
maybe being ill and being house bound has some what made my mental clock stop
is what it feels like anyway
im immature anyway

i might try and look at science books today as i havent looked at the books Jack gave to me 
ive got yoga then ill come back, shower, eat dinner and dye my hair and then have Oz then attempt to sleep before work tomorrow

stupid agency rang me again at 6:50am
i was not happy to be woken by that phone  call as i hadnt slept
and was actually asleep >.>