first sleep over ++ mothers day

Evening~

I didn't do my diary yesterday as I wasnt home!

Yesterday

I cleaned my pets out
i did some yoga and dancing then had a shower and went into the city centre
jack met me and we went to his and his family soon turned up with stuff for him
so i met his mum again and his step dad and younger sister
they seem like nice normal people
just typically the day i meet them all i had decided to dress like a badly dressed teenager instead of my usual girly get up. i was in red joggers a black anime tshirt glove on one hand and zip buckle on the other wrist, choker and yeah....
then his room mate Theo turned up with his mum
but soon announced he wasnt staying today or that night
so jack asked if i wanted to spend the night there with him
and seeing as id spent friday night alone i considered it

i saw his flat anyway and its clean and bright
and very plain but they always are 
we had play fights on his bed 
he saw my stomach and said "you can stop breathing in now"
i said "im not breathing in"....
we caught the bus to my car and he got to experience my driving and he thought
i was gonna be some horrendous driver but was disappointed to find i could actually drive
honestly

so he came to my house
he met my pets
and saw my room which he labelled as an Otaku bedroom XD
he liked it tho
we watched Girl who leapt through time 
then my brother came home and he actually spoke to jack
bonding over a conversation about mcDonalds -_____-
we ordered pizza and watched natsume yuujin chou whilst eating it
then we sat with Oz who was all over jack like a rash honestly it was like i didnt exist!!!!
he makes friends and sucks up to anyone! 

then we left for his house as my brother was out on his BMX anyway and was glad id have company for the night
i dont know what time we decided to sleep but it was late XD
and  i didnt sleep great but luckily didnt have to get up 
so i didnt look too much of a freak 
jack had said to me "jo its been 6 weeks and i still havent seen your legs" 
so i relented and gave up my joggers and he was like
"this is so unfair how have you got such good legs!? why dont you show them off?!"
he was impressed how strong i was too whilst play fighting asking if i was just all muscle XD
he never made me do anything i wasnt comfortable with and told me to tell him to stop if there was something i didnt like. so i can tell he cares and he isnt a jerk after one thing
its a good job too as im not confident in that kinda stuff
so its going slow but i will get there
he doesnt get annoyed about that or anything

in the morning he needed to get up as his family were picking him up at 10am for mothers day and we already lost an hour out the day due to the clocks going forward
i had to really motivate him getting out of bed hes not a morning person or wanted to leave me
the only part out of the whole thing i felt uncomfortable about was taking my meds
but he didnt watch me or say anything luckily 
he made me cereal with raisins and honey it was really good and a cup of tea and i left
i was home for 9:30am and let my pets out
had a bit of time watching stuff on my laptop
shower and i rested in and out of sleep on my bed for 4 hours
just didnt want to do anything and i was tired, in pain
my arms hurt from play fighting 
so ive done nothing all day no exercise or anything really but what can you do
ive done a lot lately guess it was gonna catch up at some point

jack wants me to sleep over again soon but ive told him to spend time with Theo his room mate and let him get settled in i dont want to annoy or upset Theo by always being there and stuff 
but we've got all of easter holidays soon

tomorrow just got school in the afternoon
wonder how i will sleep tonight
having done no exercise and being on my bed for 4 hours 

it was mothers day today and i was sure to give mum her card~

An all-nighter

Evening~~

Look who got zero hours sleep last night!
yup me! I did an all nighter
not by choice
i was just a lot of pain
i was putting pressure on muscles, fidgeting constantly, getting up, feeling sick
it was relentless and before i knew it the morning had happened
i got up at 5:50am and did half hour of yoga 
and went in the shower as id had a lot of cold sweats during the night
so i felt like i had a second skin on
i knew i couldnt go to work feeling that gross
so i had a shower at 6:30am

i said goodbye to my mum 
didnt actually say bye to dad but meh hes not bothered and nether am i

school was busy
getting me doing biology prep 
i got there in the end
and i tended to the plants also
i saw liv and did some printing
i am slowly getting used to it
and the head of science had a word with me saying i was doing well and they wanted me to sign on for more hours and stuff so that was nice to hear :)
lunch was ok i ate some breakfast biscuits which gave me stomach pains
it seriously isnt worth it
i told people id done an all nighter and they couldnt believe how energetic i was
i couldnt to be honest
you wouldnt have know cus im that amazing
sometimes i wonder if im part Siphon and im secretly siphoning off other's energies as its only when im alone im truly knackered but i keep going for those around me

i came home to an empty house which i dont enjoy
i whacked the pets out and did some dancing
god knows how
then i showered and did some chores, made a salad for dinner and ate that alone
watched some anime

jack asked me again if i would stay over tonight but i feel so bad leaving my brother
so what can i do

i got this in the post, its a lip tint i havent used it yet
but i like how its shaped like a wine bottle

tomorrow should be seeing jack
i do believe he's coming to my house ><

jesus i hope i sleep tonight!
im gonna take one too many pain killers i do believe
treat myself its friday~
my brother has treated himself to a mcdonalds tonight and im treating myself to pain killers, just no justice in the world is there

2/4 guineas done

Konbanwa~

I didn't sleep great
refused to leave my bed despite the fact i was almost crying in pain
dont know why my pain is super bad at night
but still it was nice not having to sit down stairs by myself
i woke up at 7am but stayed in bed for half hour as everyone was off out to work
so i figured it was best to stay out the way

i went for a run this morning
it was such a lovely morning
but it was a hard ask
i just found it a real effort to run
its weird how sometimes its easy sometimes its hard
i showered when i came in 
and did a few bits and danced

then i had lunch and went to bed i was tired
and i know i dont sleep well on a yoga night 

i went out for a brew with mum which was nice
the earl grey tea was so damn good
then we came back and i painted her nails and toe nails
im gonna do my nails tonight theyve chipped terribly for some reason

i did some more painting
got another guinea pig done
its looking alright i think
mum says its really good but im unsure
i just dont want it to look like i child has done it
im just taking my time with it anyway

went to yoga
it was shoulder work which is typically the muscle i have pulled
then we were doing some sort of handstand using the wall
i forced myself to do it even tho i wasnt feeling my strongest
i heard karen say "ill be over in a sec jo"
i landed safely and she came over and i said "i dont want to do again"
cus i was tired basically and i had tried it
she said "have  you hurt yourself?"
i said "no"
she said "right up the wall"
ahhhh she lets me get away with nothing shes so hard on me always pushing me!
but it makes me respect her i wouldnt have any other teacher

jack has moved out today
but found out his flat mate cant move out til saturday
so hes by himself
hes asked if i can sleep over tomorrow...eep 
not sure about that one
my only concern is leaving my brother home alone 
im sure he'd be fine but yeah ive never done it before

got school tomorrow
someone is looking round or something so ive got to be behaved
i get to tend to the plants tomorrow as well which im sadly looking forward to XD

i got a belt in the post today
and a new top

my fringe is so long i need it cutting but im not having a hair cut til 13th april!!

so anxious about my night
mum and dad go away tomorrow and i know im gonna feel it really bad
just not mentally strong this week
pathetic really

1/4 guineas done

Evening~~

Got 4 hours sleep woo

This morning Id cleaned out my pets before even 9am!
i did some dancing and showered
then i washed my car
i sat and read and had lunch then went out with mum just to a couple of home stores
then i came back and watched a documentary mum and dad had watched to do with japan
it was good to see and made me sit down and watch something instead of constantly doing something

i pulled a muscle in my shoulder on the first dance this morning
i actually felt the bugger tear it really hurts -____-

i did some more work on the water colour
got a guinea pig done out of the 4 ive got to do 
its slow but im taking my time with it
just not confident with water colours some how

i ache
i ache a lot
im struggling to eat cus my anxiety is making my stomach feel so churned that food is giving me stomach ache, im anxious because im worrying about being alone all night in pain and left with my thoughts
its really getting to me lately
and i know i will feel it more come the weekend as mum and dad are going away so ill be left alone during the day then ill be alone at night
its not healthy for someone like me

jack txt me to say ive got to sign something at work to say i want to stay til may and that i want more hours too. its his last night at home as he moves out tomorrow

i didnt go running club
as ive danced, got a pulled muscle and on 4 hours sleep i would only be pushing myself for no real point also mum pointed out to me today that i have time during the day to run its not like i have to run at night so i might as well make the most of that and then if i do have more hours at work i might only be able to run at night

tomorrow not sure what i will do yet 

Not remembering my evening

Evening~~

I literally have no memory of going to bed last night
honestly i took a sleeping tablet and sat with Oz and then i woke up in my bed
what happened?
mum said i was staggering and swaying she'd never seen me like that it
was like a i was drunk she said
whats more cringing is that yesterday i said id text tara to say i was home
and this morning i thought "damn for forgot to text tara i best do it"
there on my text messages at 9:30pm last night was a non english text from me to her!!!
i dont remember doing that at all!!!
how embarrassing 
im not sure if it was a combo of extra antipressants and sleeping tablets that did it
but my god i was away with the fairies
i woke up at 4am but went straight back to sleep
waking up at 7:30am
i was zombiefied tho

i managed to do some dancing this morning some how
showered and then did some chores 
i went to bed then i got up and went food shopping with mum
then i started my guinea pig water colour which is going well
then did half hour of yoga
watched a comedy dvd - i actually sat down watching tv!
i was just so much like a corpse
i watched an episode of anime tonight
and i just wanna go to bed

dad wants me to take another tablet tonight
but balls to him i dont want to 
but then he ALWAYS right 
dont know how im gonna get out of it without him having a go at me
dont want to spend another day as a corpse

i got this lip gloss in the post today
it looks blue but its clear when it goes on and has glitter in it :3
want it to go over the top of colours~

not sure what im doing tomorrow
i might go running club

I met his Mother

Evening~

got 4 hours sleep
im so sleep deprived its unreal
how do i even function!?
i got up at 7am anyway

I did some dancing this morning
i did some drawing
then i sat with Oz and a brew
and got ready for work and had lunch

school was alright
alan said i looked tired and hes never said that to me before
i said i wanted to do stuff the didnt require any thinking
so i just did washing up
i couldnt even be bothered to talk to be honest

At the end of the school day Jack's mum was picking him up
as he was taking a load of cardboard boxes home so me and alan thought we'd help
him carry them out to her car
so ive met Jack's mother...and yeah i can tell he has a few of her features
i was only there like 30 seconds
and she had no idea what so ever who i was
and jack didnt seem to think i was worthy enough to be introduced
so yeah i kept quiet
i put the boxes in her car and thought i'd see how the land lies
i said "theyre for jack's body parts" - i have no shame 
she said "oh theres no need for that, hes moving out now"
i said "id drive off now and make him take the tram home" jack just told me to shut up XD
so yeah that was me meeting his mummy

i called into hobby craft on my way home
picked up water color paper for the guinea pig painting i need to do
so i can start that this week~

i came home and had a quick brew
then i headed off to tara's house
i sat and talked to her and james joined us
we were talking and he said "why are you aiming your foot at me?"
i said "sorry i didnt even realise id moved, i cant help but fidget"
he said "yeah i have noticed"
i burst "ahh no you havent!!!"
he said "i really have"
tara said "i havent noticed she fidgets"
james said "are you joking? she never keeps still!"
i said "jack thought i had ADHD when i first met him"
james said "yeah i can well believe that"
i told him to shut up XD 
its nice were so comfortable with one another
but i did kinda feel conscious of my fidgeting its just cus im constantly in pain
so i feel better when i move
i do it without even noticing 

i came home and made myself salad
did my diary then im gonna sit with Oz and take a sleeping tablet
as mum has said for our sanity that i take one 
i am starting to crack
i need sleep 
i hope it works
but i have no plans tomorrow anyway 

pain clinic rang today and im having a telephone appointment next tuesday to talk about my pain basically i think. joy

i got my lace trousers in the post today theyre awesome i love them
but theyre a size 10 and im hoping my none existent hips can hold them up ><

heres the 2 place mats i made for the neighbours by mum's request

7 hours sleep over 48 hours and leopard nails

Yo

I didn't sleep well again

had to get up and sat with tens machine on whilst watching videos on a tablet

fun times

i fell asleep around 3am and woke up at 7:20am

so ive had 7 hours sleep over 48 hours

whens this gonna end

i hurt so much

and im so tired 

this morning i somehow motivated myself for a run

i did 30 mins of yoga before i left

i enjoyed it as even tho it was a lil chilly the sun was out it was good

and for the first time this year i ran through the woods!

i LOVE running through the woods i truly do

leaping over branches and the like~

i wasnt even out of breath ether surprisingly 

i came back and showered

then i got ready to see Jack

i got into the city centre and hour early so i could have a look round

just for something to do really

i picked up a nail varnish and an eye shadow

two good brands like loreal paris from poundshop!

cant wait to give em a go

then i met jack

we did his house shopping which wasnt too much as it goes

we had a hot chocolate

then we sat in a different pub for a change and we talked

he stayed with me til my bus came

it had gotten cold and it was a 25min wait but i was grateful he stayed with me as i was robbing his heat i was so damn cold and i was more layered up than he was! 

i got home and was in time for dinner

then i sat with Oz

then i could feel myself start to fray

as the evening creeps on i know the night is baring down on me

and its another night by myself 

a long night alone, in pain

and its so depressing

so i went to my mum for a hug and started to crumble

later i talked to her about stuff

i didnt get too upset just a few stray tears 

im just tired is all, not sleeping and being constantly in pain is so tiring 

dad annoyed me this morning with his comments about my sleep

he knows nothing and doesnt understand anything and it infuriates me as he thinks hes always in the right and that youve done wrong

if he says anymore i will literally brick his balls 

my nails last night

theyre ok but not as good as last weeks

tomorrow i will exercise in the morning

and go to school after lunch

i listened to some songs the other day i havent heard since my college days, bands such as Alice Nine and i was surprised how much i could understand compared to those days

and today i went through some anime music and i forgot all songs i used to enjoy

one has just made it into my drawing playlist "Aka no Seijaku" 

its good to look back on music and its always always jpop with me~