last massage of the year and it was good~

 Evening

My pierced ear is sore >< 

Last night I couldnt sleep I was aching and felt very sick

think taking tablets on a salad didnt help matters so Jack got up with me and I had some fruit loaf and biscuits and I did feel better

we were back in bed for midnight

I dreamed again

I also got 10 hours sleep

making it 10am when i woke up....> <

My mum rang me and said she was on a walk and could she pop in for a brew so she did that at 10:45am so I just about had time to sort my self out she came in when I was just finishing my skin care off

its good to see her tho

I then did 40mins of yoga and really ached afterwards

we had lunch

then I did some sewing and my jacket it looking more like a jacket now ^^

then I had a cup of tea with Oz and Jack before I went to my massage

which felt so damn good 

I came in had a bath, did dinner, and felt wiped out after all that

I am done -_____- Jo is ready for bed

told jack to go game with theo as I need an early night >< I am so shattered

so I will go have a hot chocolate, play pokemon, sleep.

thats me done

tomorrow

just sewing really~

couldnt remember how much id taken ^^;

 Evening

I was by myself last night which I told Jack - several times - its fine

and it was 

But I didnt count on aching as much as I did

and I took extra pain killers and tried to sleep

I heard someone say - a mans voice - "are you ok?" so that made my heart hammer, obviously no one was there I do just hear things on the odd occasion 

it was 1:30am when I looked the time and i was like "man" T^T

next thing I knew I could hear footsteps outside at the side of the house, I think I must have been asleep about half hour, so I was half asleep listening thinking "just what is jack doing?"

then when I woke up a bit more I could hear Jack was actually in the bathroom

but I could also hear these footsteps outside, so I laid and listened

then outside wasnt going on so I was like "just what the hell!?"

when Jack came out the bathroom did I notice for the first time that those footsteps sounds were actually a very odd popping noise my stomach was making. it was a very odd sound. I was still like half asleep

I could feel my heart hammering tho. When Jack climbed into bed I told him I was awake

he asked if I was ok and it was like 2am

I said "no my stomach doesnt sound right, my heart is hammering and i feel sick and not well"

he asked "how much have you had"

and when I thought about it

i didnt know

I actually couldnt remember how much I had taken from 9pm onwards....

so of course this panicked him. He tried not to panic but i could tell he was worried

he offered to get up with me and make me some fruit loaf as usually eating helps

I had earlier at 9pm a milk hot chocolate and at 11ish I had a biscuit

so I had had something

we got up and he turned the lights on and was like "jesus Jo you dont look good"

I looked at myself and I looked like a druggy, I just looked awful

he made me fruit loaf and we were up til 3am til I felt a bit better and he said I looked better but blamed it all on his self

i said "how is this your fault!?" he said "cus I wasnt around to see you take drugs, I wasnt around to make you fruit loaf"

not his fault. I wasnt self inflicting myself or anything I just was getting desperate as nothing was working and kinda forgot how many drugs I had taken ><

safe to say he's decided not to game tonight XD

so we went to bed at 3am and he fell asleep like instantly

and was snoring

I still couldnt sleep so I got up, went on my laptop, pinned some fabric, was up til 4:30am anyway

I had set an alarm for 8am as I needed to get up for food shop

So I did get some sleep, and even managed to have a dream

we got the food shop done but I felt a bit rough round the shop

we got back and had a cup of tea then I went to bed for 90mins

I got up we had lunch then I went over to mum's for a bit to see her and her freshly bathed sows then I came in at 3pm finally got to do some sewing.

did some dinner which was salad. salad that was obviously cold. cold food gives me stomach ache

how can i forget!? so i had stomach pains for a while

I could not be arsed to do a work out but did about 25mins of weights

had a bath now I am gonna watch anime and have hot chocolate and play pokemon in bed ^^

tomorrow

just got a massage at 4pm so I plan on doing some yoga before then

I also would like to do some sewing as I hardly did any today probably less than an hour

Pierced my ear

 Evening

Keep thinking about Karen. 

I went to bed by myself as Jack was gaming

But I got up. I decided I would pierce my ear in remembrance of Karen. I have had a self piercing kit thing for months now but just couldnt bring myself to pierce my ear again >< But last night I got the courage to do it. Thinking what ever I put in that hole will be special and make me think of her. It will be my final piercing. My last and 9th piercing. 

Weirdly I didnt feel anything!! I could feel a slight throb when I got back into bed tho. It soon went and I soon fell asleep.

I woke up at 1:30am for a wee but got back off to sleep til 8:30am! Jack was awake and I expected him to go back to sleep but he got up. He said he was up til 2am. I didnt even hear him come to bed! I fell asleep that quickly under my weighted blanket. I have also had dreams the last 2 nights. something that had stopped the few months. I dream EVERY night without fail and theyre very vivid but they had stopped. Maybe that was because my sleep quality was bad? Maybe I was so drained? dont know. But last two nights ive had vivid dreams again which also helps keep me asleep

I told Jack about my ear. He was ok about it. I didnt tell him I did it for Karen and I want to have a special earring in it

We had Ozwald in and then we put him outside. I did a bit of sewing then mum came over at 11am for a brew it was good to see her. I didnt tell her I had pierced my ear.

she ranted off about living with two autistic men XD how hard  it. How we do nothing as a family cus of dad and how shes trapped in her relationship 

what do i say? I get told off for saying "you chose to marry him" XD so I dont say it anymore.

she reluctantly left at 12:15pm and Jack came down stairs to have lunch with me

I did a bit more sewing but it makes me tired and achy

I laid on the bed for an hour, had a brew and then did a bit more sewing whilst jack sat with Oz. But I dont feel like I have gotten that far with it all!! Its very slow but some of it is because I want to do a detailed jacket not a plain one.

we had dinner then I am just doing my diary in the lounge with Oz and Jack

I will go on just dance with my weights after this then have a bath

Jack will have the bath after me then hes going to go game late with theo again

he was going to have an evening with me but I told him to go make the most of having late nights during the holidays. We go back to work on tuesday after all!

so I am by myself again tonight. its fine I can cope

tomorrow

going food shopping so we have enough food til sunday then we will be back on our normal sunday shopping routine. Need to go doctors to drop a prescription in but thats it really rest of the day will hopefully be mine!

my brother had his covid booster yesterday and he feels rough today. Glad he got it done even tho he says its the last one hes getting done >.>

Karen...

 Evening~~

We watched anime and stuff last night, then I checked my phone at 9:15pm. My mum had txt me at 8:30pm saying Karen had passed away peacefully and pain free.....jesus it had really happened. I couldnt really speak for a while as I knew id break out in tears and I didnt want to do that right before bed time. But I couldnt stop thinking about her, how much she did for me, and her poor family left behind....its awful. Such a beautiful soul. I had never met someone with such love and kindness for life. She taught me so much. She helped me so much. I am truly blessed to have known her. she truly was one in a million. I just cant quite get over that I will never ever see her again. Its a hard pill to swallow. Her poor family tho.....

I managed to get off to sleep even tho I was aching. I was under both the weighted blanker AND the duvet. I woke up at 1:30am dripping in sweat. I had over heated!!!! I woke Jack up and we were up for an hour whilst I waited for numerous pain killers to kick in

I slept after that til 8am, I left Jack to sleep he woke up at 9am. I was already with Oz and had breakfast

I let Oz play outside today even tho it was wet and cold and he appreciated playing out which was nice.

I had fallen back to sleep after breakfast >< Jack said maybe the work out I did last night was too big....

I got up at 11am and went on my phone for a bit and then spoke to my brother

We had lunch at 12:30pm

then we tackled something I knew Jack didnt want to do.....mount the Dyson bracket to the wall

that means DRILLING. Jack HATES drilling it fills him with anxiety and stress. Not sure why. So I supported him every step of the way even if he was a bit stressy >< 

But he did it!! such an achievement I knew he could do it ^^ he just needs confidence!

So the Dyson is good to go

then I worked on my jacket, finally......

I got it all cut out which took a fair amount of time

we had a brew together as Jack had been gaming

we had Oz in

my mum rang me saying she felt suicidal with my dad's company. She needed to hear a female voice

then had dinner around 5pm as I was hungry

Then I fell asleep after dinner but Jack woke me up and I did a work out. I chose a 45min long video but Jack told me not to do it all and so I only got to do 30mins >.>

I had a nice bath

now Jack is in the bath then hes gaming with Theo tonight, he wants a late night. So hes not coming to bed with me.

So I dont know whether to do some sewing or drawing before I settle down for the night.

I shall see how I feel

Tomorrow

mum is coming over in the morning for a brew. Dad will still be at home, she needs space from him....

apart from that another day to do hobbies I guess

weighted blanket

 Evening

So last night we tried the weighted blanket....Jack did not like it and didnt even attempt to sleep with it. I found it a bit crushing and I could not move it, its just far too heavy so I had to get Jack to position it on me. I slept on top of the duvet but under the blanket, however I know I had times in the night when I was cold in my sleep. 

But apart from that I SLEPT....maybe theres something in this weighted blanket

also what I found interesting was that I had gone to bed really quite achy, normally I would be up til midnight with Jack taking more pain killers but last night, I got off to sleep. That NEVER happens!!

I will be trying it again tonight~

We got up at 8am and I had a bit of breakfast Jack didnt want any XD

He kindly hung my pokemon pictures on the wall in my craft room and my cousins canvas

I took the christmas tree down, christmas is done with for another year woop!

we didnt have lunch and I went to bed, I was so frustrated!!!! I wanted to do stuff but my body was tired and achy and I couldnt think. Jack said to go to bed for an hour and then I will be good to go

so he put me under my weighted blanket and I soon dropped off

I was cobby when I woke up

I was so annoyed, i felt no better!!!

so I sat with Oz in the lounge as Jack gamed on his new game for 3 hours straight

I was unpicking a jacket I want to use the templates for with my new jacket and of course I was fussing the lad

I made some biscuits then microwaved our dinner which took a lot longer than I thought but hey it was easy I guess

Then after dinner I wrote my 2022 calendar, birthdays etc

now going to do a bit of drawing then do a work out! 

I want to get back into my weights, I am not strong. And not being able to move that 6kg blanket around is pathetic so I need to train my muscles if I am to get stronger.

I would like to get stronger in this next year.

oh here's my drawing so far

Tomorrow

no plans really so hopefully I will get more done, we are going to find some where to mount the dyson, we charged it up today but we dont know where to put it yet ^^;

 I will have another go with my weighted blanket tonight~

Christmas 2021

 Evening~~

I struggled to sleep last night so we were up til 1am cus of me ><

Just was aching bad, like growing pains

I did get off after several pain killers and getting up

I woke up at 6:30am tho T^T

I decided to wake Jack so we could put the lamb on to cook and he was fine with getting up, I offered to go back to bed with him but he said he was up now. So we started christmas at 7am

we had breakfast with Oz and I went back to bed for an hour then we opened stuff up with Ozwald. He really enjoyed it, chewing wrapping paper, pushing over presents, nudging us, jumping on boxes. Loved it and it was entertaining to watch. I went to clean his cage out whilst Jack tidied up the wrapping paper, Oz helped me clean out

mum dropped by and gave me a hug as she was already  having to take dad out for a walk at 10am...

We had an easy day, I mean I went back to bed again

But when I got up I said to Jack I needed structure and a plan of action with the dinner as I had no idea how to cook stuff - timings 

so we wrote down timings and then we said we would go for a walk together

so we did a cold hours walk we came in and had a cup of tea then began our hour's battle with dinner and it was all very successful everything was cooked and we served it up without it going cold as well. We just did really well.

we watched another episode of darker than black whilst eating, no christmas films in this house XD

then cleared up and at 6pm we are going over to my parents house for presents and cake. I want cake but lord knows where it will go. We are both so so full.....I want cake tho. I dont have stomach ache I am just very full. Think my stomach has gone into shock DX

Oz has been sleeping for ages, think hes tired bun after this morning

We will come home and have a bath then ether watch anime or just play pokemon in bed see how tired we are I guess. I bet there will be time for anime tho

Everyone was pleased with their gifts ^^ so I was happy about that

Jack got me a mini bunny plush, kitty head phones that light up! christmas candles

his mum got me a bunny water bottle and a matching pouch, nail varnish and a bunny mug 

his sister sophie got me some sakura hair clips which are cute

his sister chrissy got me a diffuser 

his brother tom got me stuff from lush

my cousin Remi did me a printed canvas of her digital art work!!!

mia got me a nine tail fox creature on a coaster, ginger bread earrings, 

tara made me 2 pokemon card resin coasters theyre fantastic, nail varnish, a stitch pouch, 

my mum brought me a weighted blanket! something I have been looking at for a while but wasnt sure whether to buy one as theyre not cheap! and its a lovely blush colour and so soft! I am going to try it out tonight! she got me some bath bombs and then from my parents we got a V8 Dyson hover.....mother of god man...finally I will be able to do some hoovering as I cant move ours its just too heavy. Jack struggles with it as its just hard work

my brother got me some washi tape and other embellishments for scrapbooking

so yeah a lot of good gifts *0* 

I normally take photos but I chose not to this year.

I want to go rest in bed with my weighted blanket. Its suppose to be good for sleep

It's christmas eve and I feel ok~~~

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night so we were up til midnight -______-

but I slept after that and woke up at 8am, plenty of time to get ready

I put on a cute top, shorts and tights and Jack said I looked cute ^^

He drove us there

we were with his aunt, uncle, brother, sisters, step dad, mum, nan

I was sat by the window with Jack -cold but safe

they all had sausage or bacon cob but no one made a fuss about me not eating much to my relief

I was really grateful of that

I did eat some biscuits :) I had a cup of tea

I spoke with everyone and made the effort to talk to his brother as we hardly get to see him

they exchanged gifts, we had to open the ones from his nan. She got Jack a jumper and me some outdoor bunny ornaments but not sure if they will make it to outside XD

His aunt and uncle gave us £20 each which was nice of them :) to say its the second time theyve met me

and we stayed for 2 and a half hours and we left when his aunt and uncle did.

It was nice, I enjoyed it

I didnt come away feeling absolutely drained ether

we got home and I had lunch, Jack didnt bother

I then said I was really pent up, I needed to move!!! i had been sat all morning and it was literally killing me so we went for a walk but not a massive one as I still had stuff to do so I needed energy and I was starting to tire.

He left me at the bottom of mum's road and I went to see her

I got to lick the bowl out, have some warm sponge cake and painted mum's nails

she appreciated me coming round ^^

I got home and rest 40mins with Oz then cleaned the bathroom

then I cooked my breakfast meats, then did the dinner, then died of the dinner time tummy ache which seems to be a regular thing lately

when I got up I went for a shower and now I am in new pyjamas as jack's mum gifted us both with a pyjama set which is a yearly tradition in their house

so I think we will watch anime and play pokemon in bed

I feel pretty good but a bit worn out but to say how much I have done and how much ive been doing I am actually doing really well

I am sad that its another day of doing nothing for myself and giving myself to other people but hey its life i guess T^T

could be worse, Mia txt to say she has covid so thats ruined her christmas, birthday, and birthday party. 3 days ruined for her. she must be livid. especially as she went out her was on monday to get her booster before christmas. 

so tomorrow is christmas

we're slow cooking lamb and making a christmas dinner at some point! should be good! Then in the evening we are seeing my parents for cake~ apart from that just be a day with the bun, he is gonna love opening everything!!