Yeah new inhaler isnt good

 Evening

So I can confirm that yes, my new inhaler does not agree with me as I had another go last night with it. My anxiety went through the roof I was upset as I was worrying about Jack getting sick of me and my illness, my heart was pounding and I was shaking. I did eventually get to sleep but kept us up til midnight....and Jack had his interview the next day ^^;

We woke up at 7am

and Jack was a bit off, not horrible, just not his usual self. I think he was just nervous. Well I know he was nervous as he went for like a 1000 wees.

I did 50mins of yoga then we went over to mums to print some things out for his interview, no one was home so we were done in 10mins. It gave me enough time to ring doctors, apparently no one can even speak to me to advise me til next weds...so until then just use my old inhaler. I have my blue one but not brown one. stupid. Its cus over in England we build more and more houses or food places but no services. So getting an appointment is murder. But I couldnt believe I couldnt even SPEAK to someone for 10 days. I will leave that inhaler alone tho. I do not want to feel poorly my whole easter holidays

I was colouring a picture but soon gave my laptop and craft room over to Jack

Whilst he was in his interview I made biscuits and made Jack his lunch which he was really grateful of. He felt it had gone well. He came out my craft room smiling anyway. So it couldnt have been that bad. He has done he absolute best. It will be over a week before we hear anything tho.

After lunch I went over to mum's - I walked

I had a cup of tea with her and my £200 worth of skin care turned up! So I gave mum her cream. I then txt Jack to come pick me up. The first ever time hes been in the car by himself!!! He did well bless him. Once home I gave him his skincare

He did an hour of gardening, I finished my colouring then did the dinner. Which I didnt like. It was my limit of spiciness but it was the rice cakes, I dont like rice cakes! I dont like thick noodles so I did wonder if I would like them. Jack really enjoyed the dinner XD

I went in the bath, then Jack did then I drove him to Harvey's to go have a drink with his friends. I didnt have the energy to socialise and I also dont wanna be labelled as one of those couples joined at the hip. Its good to see your friends without your partner. 

So I am home alone

I think I will have an early night of my switch in bed

tomorrow

havent got anything planned actually so might try do some art or something

Buns have gone home

 Evening

I couldnt get off to sleep last night, Jo hurt too much. We got up for extra pain killers and a biscuit. I slept after that but when I woke up at 7am I HAD TO GET UP. I felt like Id been in an accident....

So we had a relaxed morning before shopping

however, my anxiety was through the roof. Like real bad. I felt like I had done something wrong so I was trying to think 'what have I done?' like Jack was gonna find out something bad I had done. I felt like something bad was gonna happen, like what? 

Jack offered to go shopping for me as he can now since he can drive. But he said he would be mega stressed doing that. I didnt want to stress him out so I said I would be fine.

Going round the shop was awful, I could have cried. I couldnt breathe, I had to use my new inhaler twice. My heart was pounding and I was breathless

We got home after the shop

Jack made me and told me to SIT as in 'Jo stay and dont move' as I am fidget arse and dont sit for long.

He made me tea, fruit loaf, got Oz in, put the buns out, put the shopping away

ahhhh he is so good ^^

But yeah I was like death

my heart was pounding, my body felt like it was vibrating, my hands were so shaky and I felt anxious. I also obviously had bad back ache from my massage. So all in all I felt poorly.

I literally downed my tea and went to bed.

I got up for lunch and went back to bed

I just couldnt do anything

I felt poorly

but what was up?

the only thing that was different was my new inhaler I started last night

so I went into the recycling dustbin for the box and instructions to read 'possible side effects'

on there 1 in 10 people

breathlessness 

trembling

sense of doom

anxiety

palpitations

and I think 2 others that I didnt have

sooooo my new inhaler is to blame??

I rang my mum and talked to her. She said steroids can have funny affects on people as granny sometimes had reactions to them. And my inhaler is a steroid for the lungs 

she told me not to use it and ring the nurse

as much as I think, "yeah it was probably inhaler" I also wonder if the powerful massage has just made my other conditions worse and its made me like this. As I can suffer in those ways and massage always gets me next day.

I managed to finish my picture I have been working on. And I put it on my redbubble too. I only had about 10mins of work to finish so even tho it was an ask for me to do it, it was a quick achievement 

I did dinner which I was grateful it was simple

after dinner Jack's sister and step dad came for the buns. They had a good tan! The buns have gone home and Oz has the garage to himself again. Jack's sister was very grateful tho and was happy to see them. I mean if I was being reunited with Oz I would have had him out, fussing his face off in my arms and inhaling his scent, but each to their own ^^; she brought me a bowl made of a coconut and Jack some alcohol  

I drew Angewomon for a friend who turns 30 this friday so I am gonna pencil crayon that in tomorrow

I had a bath after that

then spoke to Jack about my inhaler. I told him I was tempted to have 1 more dose of my inhaler just to see if it definitely that which is making me poorly. As I really like the inhaler!!! Its PINK, it counts down its uses left, it doesnt have a taste and yeah I am actually impressed with it as I wasnt getting on with my previous ones. So I took one more puff 10mins ago. See how I go tonight I guess as I have picked up from my horrendous morning.

tomorrow

I asked Mia if I can see her in the morning but I havent heard from her yet

Jack has his online interview at midday so I need to be quiet then. He is gonna be on my laptop doing it. So I will be in the lounge doing something. 

full on day and full back massage

 Evening

I slept pretty well

My back tho waking up today...like id been in an actual accident. Just from doing some gardening.

This morning, as I felt so crippled, I decided to go on Just dance to loosen my back up a bit. My hair looked awful this morning so I was gonna wash it anyway. Might as well get sweaty and have a shower! 

So i did that for 15mins, had shower and got ready and went to see the Harvey and Theo at 9:45am at pudding pantry. We had Oz out before we went and put the buns out. So we achieved a lot this morning!

At pudding pantry I had 2 scoops of ice cream, Jack had 'full pantry' it was nice to see Harvey and Theo too. 

We left there and Jack went over to Harveys for a bit, I wanted to get off as I was tired but used the excuse I was off to chemist and mum's. Jack was then heading into city centre so I didnt need to bring him home with me.

I went chemist and got my new inhaler, its so werid looking and counts down how many uses are in it! genius! 

I got to mum's she was happy to see me and made me a cup of tea

we just chatted and chatted. I had a bit of porridge there but couldnt eat it all

I came home as  Jack was on his way home and hadnt got a house key

After we had a sit down we cracked on with chores.

We both cleaned out the rabbits, I cleaned the bathroom, cleaned out a cupboard we keep dumping stuff in, made some biscuits and he hoovered the house and sorted out Oz's corner. 

We sat down for a bit then I went for my massage which was another reason I did so many chores - i knew id be like death tomorrow

I asked her to just literally do my back, neck and shoulders. I said "I have set recovery days and this needs sorting" she said "is this you saying to not hold back?"

bring it on

after I turned onto my back she said

"you are strong and brave"

I said "why whats gone off?"

she said "I didnt hold back, I must have hurt you but yet you didnt even flinch"

no i didnt

yes some bits hurt but its nothing compared to the pain I am usually in. I know the pain she is giving me now will end shortly. My pain never ends.

I enjoyed my massage and felt so much looser.

I got home and was starting to feel the massage. And thought "this fast!!! ohhh crap"

I regret nothing!!!!

I had a hot bath and a pamper in the bath and out the bath

did the dinner as I was starving it was gone 7pm!!! 

Now Jack is clearing up my dinner mess

think we will just go and play switchs in bed. No point in watching anime really we've just literally watched anime with out dinner, and no way do we want a hot drink - far too full!!!

Tomorrow

weekly shop and food cooking and recover

I AM GONNA HURT

it gonna be sore tomorrow

the buns should be going home tomorrow too

i've told Jack's mum not to stress about getting them home but she seems to think she will have time to get them even tho they fly back tomorrow....so we shall see!

We didnt manage to go out

 Evening

I woke up at 2am and felt sicky anxious really bad. I cuddled Jack for 10mins and wondered how the hell he slept through someone hugging him.....why cant I sleep that deep!? I got up and decided to take extra pain killers, have a drink and biscuits and then Jack appeared! He had randomly woke up. He made us both a tea and sat with me and cuddled me. he is just the best. At 3:30am we went back to bed

This morning when I woke up at 7:45am I was disappointed. My legs hurt despite me skipping on exercise yesterday, I felt sick to my stomach with anxiety. But I have no idea where all this anxiety is even coming from. I felt tired from not sleep great. So all in all i thought "can I go out with Jack today??"

I talked to him, I rang my mummy and yeah we summed up that realistically, I cant go out for a walk anywhere. I wont enjoy it.

So we decided to do some gardening together with Oz and do a little walk round the block.

Jack kindly gave my legs a massage as they felt ridged 

In the morning we did almost 2 hours of gardening. Which hurt my back -- massively 

I wasnt even doing anything strenuous >.> 

We had lunch and i went bed afterwards

when I got up we did a short walk but I was really struggling just with that. 

We had a cup of tea together and then an early bath as I thought it might help my aches and complains. It did a help a bit. When I came out the bath my mum appeared so I was talking to her in my towel. She had brought us both a cake from Bakewell as she and dad had managed to go out for the day. I envied that. 

we had dinner, now we are going to go round up the 2 buns. Oz is happy indoors he can stay a little while longer. 

Jack has got gaming tonight so hes off to do that after we have buns in. I think I will try do some drawing maybe

I have had some of my cake and it was amazing....

Im sorry I didnt get to out but hopefully I will next week

Tomorrow

we're seeing Harvey and Theo at Pudding Pantry in the morning!!!! so yay sweet treats in the morning. Then I need to pop chemist. I have a massage at 4pm which I am so ready for

is it just my depression?

 Evening

I slept last night, but before bed I was restless and didnt feel happy

god knows why tho.  I was playing Disgaea til 10:30pm and felt like I could play more 

I had violent dreams again...

this morning my stomach was twisted with anxiety, god knows why

whats wrong with me lately!? I should be happier and more relaxed on holidays but my mental health is not good this holiday

I didnt know what I felt like doing this morning but Jack asked if we could go hobby craft so I thought if I went it would snap me out of the funk I was in, but I couldnt be bothered to leave the house if I am honest. Whilst we were down there I picked up a few bits and my mum has been after a 250ml jug for a while as hers broke and she uses it to wash the girls. I thought we would check the Range whilst we were there for one as yup they had one! I was so excited as I knew my mum would be so happy shes been looking like everywhere!! 

We got back and I felt quite done in, it was hurting me to walk a bit and I just felt exhausted. I felt much better yesterday....Mummy came to see me after she had finished at Maureen's. She came in and I surprised her with the jug, she was soooooo happy. Overly so, over a jug XD she had a cup of tea and stayed til midday. When she left we had lunch

after lunch I just curled up in my bed for 2 odd hours. Just was so tired but couldnt sleep. Didnt want any stimulation or anything. Just quiet nothingness 

I got up and looked poorly. I was so clammy and white.

whats wrong with me!?

sick of feeling so crap and wasting so much time by recovering in sodding bed.

im wondering if it's my depression maybe? as depression can make you feel like all this

did literally nothing all afternoon, nothing

I didnt even put the buns out again from this morning as I couldnt face rounding them up. We also have to wear protection as Skyler growls and tries to rip your vein out your wrist.....

we had dinner and after dinner Oz quickly latched on without any grunt warning and bit me whilst mating with my hand, I pulled his head away but he wouldnt let go of my skin between his teeth, it made the pain worse so I had to let him get on with it. Sure his jaw locks like a staffordshire >.> he hasnt done it in days. Thought we were making progress....

the weather has been bloody awful all day, really hard bitter wind and rain.

We were gonna go out today and I am so glad we didnt! what with the weather and how I am feeling

tomorrow tho

I am hoping to go Sherwood Pines with my Jack, have a walk round then a picnic. Just hope its not soaking everywhere. But I would like to actually go out with him as its been a long time.

time with mummy. 1 bun is better than 2

 Konbanwa~~

Im so bruised after my blood test! I cant look at my arm without feeling like I will faint. No word of a lie there.

I slept well after playing on disgaea with Jack in bed

This morning I got up at 8am with Jack, we brought Ozwald inside. I got the Thai curry on 

I had my 'new' breakfast of cereal and yogurt and weighed out what a portion was. Next to nothing! But only 200 calories. made a change to eat I have to say

by 9:30am my mummy came to pick me up. We went shops and I got a few bits and pieces and picked Jack up some treats like fudge, fizzy sweets, toffee apple cider. He was happy ^^

From the shops we went to a cafe, I had a rainbow cake with lots of icing and it was soooooooooooo nice the guy even warmed it up a little and it was just the best. 

Mum brought me home as it was really raining and I was worried about the buns. Jack had txt to say that rather than let him get them in they chose to sit under the rhubarb plant. So i was keen to get them home. They actually we're too wet at all which surprised me. Their feet were wet through

mummy had really enjoyed her time with me and I enjoyed it too :)

We had lunch and Jack asked me if my breakfast had been enough and I said it had but only because I had been distracted by shops. If I was round the house I bet I would have snacked but we shall see.

After lunch I was putting bits away I had bought and doing other bits and pieces but I said to jack I needed to rest my body needed rest but I just find it so difficult to rest lately. He came and read next to me in bed whilst I had an hour. I find it easier to relax with him there sometimes.

When I got up I did an hour of yoga, then dinner which was soooo good

The buns have been able to play out and Oz is inside snoring. I dont think I will bother letting him play out again later cus he doesnt like the wind today.

I am full and tired and have those buns to round up ><

Jack asked if seeing two buns playing outside makes me ever want 2 rabbit

NO

its too much

and theyre not bothered about you, just one another. 1 rabbit you get so bonded to and have a good relationship with. You dont get that when own two. Obviously you have to put a lot of time and effort to gain that trust and relationship and you have to be there more for just 1 rabbit compared to 2

but yeah, just 1 is enough.....

I still havent been able to do any drawing just been too tired

My cousin Remi said Bobows had arrived today! so fast!! she was so happy with the repair job she said she was shaking and crying. I am so relieved that 1 she got it back and 2 she likes the job I did. 

tomorrow

we were gonna go out for the day/afternoon somewhere but the weather doesnt look great so I think we might do it on friday instead. So i told mum I can see her for a cup of tea in the morning.

Done my yearly blood test!

 Evening

I am so tired T^T

I didnt sleep well. I was cold. Each time I woke up cold I felt sick and anxious about my impending blood test in the morning T^T

I woke up at 7,then 7:30am and I got up to get Oz in and I waited til 8am to wake Jack up so I could have breakfast with him

We had breakfast, I somehow managed to get it down me

then we went for my blood test....I was called in straight away I didnt even get to sit in the waiting room! which is fantastic as it gave me no time to get myself worked up

I walked in and my lovely nurse Angie was like "aw Jo youre sweating already" XD thats just me haha I sweat 24/7 I am always drinking and always sweating. 

I was well behaved and didnt pass out and retained my colour too! i told her that I was still struggling with my breathing so shes prescribed me my 3rd type of inhaler but its instead of my other 2. Basically a 2 in 1, I need to go chemist and get it. It was worth mentioning to her ^^ shes amazing

I came home, Jack helped me out the car as I was a lil shaky on my feet.

he made me a sweet up of tea and brought me a biscuit. He is so good to me. I was grateful of him driving home too.

Jack put the buns out whilst I was recovering.

He then cleaned out his sister's buns.

once I was better I worked on Remi's Bobows and did the repair job. I wrapped him up and put some necklaces and hair clips in the bag for her that I dont wear anymore. I have grown out of costume jewellery and cat ears

after lunch, I was so tired but so restless

I have been like this for days.

my body is tired but i cant rest. i feel I must keep going

I lay on my bed, my body needs it but my body and mind desire more

So I suggested to Jack that we go post Bobows as I do not like having responsibility of him and I know Remi is missing her comfort toy. I just hope she likes the job I did >< and we also went oriental supermarket to stock up on noodles and things

we came home and I know I needed  to relax but still couldnt really

I did dinner which was nice and after dinner I put all the buns away. Needed down time

but I went on just dance and got sweaty in 25mins i felt so much better for it tho

like that was what I needed. I was tired but the endorphins kicked in and kept me going 

I had a bath and now just doing my diary

I should draw as I havent been drawing due to being to damn tired and tonight i actually have blurred eyes i am so tired

i want my bed

tomorrow

i had set weds aside for my mother

its only fair she gets some of my holiday time as usually i work and die so i have no time for her. We both thought about the city centre but then thought better about it as Nottingham since covid-19 has just become one big food court. Like next to no shops. Not worth going into the dirty city and dealing with people ugh. I need more quiet setting and less people.

So I suggested going to the shops 5min drive from the house so TK maxx, B&M, Boots, B&Q, M&S yeah just need a few random bits from each shop really then go to a cafe and have cake and tea. I only have my stew to put on in the morning and then I can go out. I should be back for lunch so then I shouldnt be dead the rest of the day - I hope ><

I have a £2 coin size bruise from my blood test! what the hell!!? how have I bruised so bad and its proper dark purple. I cant look at my arm as it makes me feel light headed. so I can not wait for that to pass >.>