more engagement flowers

 Evening

Yesterday evening i did infact sleep! I had taken sleeping tablets I found in the cupboard and they worked. Proper knocked me out, proper deep sleep. Could have certainly slept for longer!

i ran out of time to do my diary yesterday. I decided to bring out half the stuff under the stairs and fill my craft room with stuff to put stuff away into my new boxes. Yeah I have no idea why I started that so late at night. Id had an alright day at work and stuff just busy

Then today, didnt sleep great last night to be honest.

school felt hard, so Jack arranged for me to do some work at home tomorrow, half it is more sodding training TT^TT but its technician training. At least it will be easier on my body and mind

I got home and had lunch with mum, then I did a bit of a work out which was doing weights for 25mins straight. I had an early bath and then had a brew with loaf. Then I sat doing more boxes. Quite exhausted and missed my afternoon sleep too ><

we're gonna watch anime and play switchs in bed soon, im shattered i have to say

tomorrow

work from home, see mummy and thats it really

oh today mum gave me flowers and a card from her friend shes known me since a baby, to congratulate us on the engagement they match the colours of my ring!

we're just so both tired

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, jack got up with me. We went back to bed at 10:30pm but I couldnt sleep. I also didnt have the heart to wake him again. I was up til 1am playing disgaea, anything to distract me from thinking about myself, my pain, the meeting i had had

I woke up at 5:50am and cuddled Jack a little bit but didnt dare fully relax as I was frightened of falling asleep on him and not getting up for school. So I did get up but god the temptation to just cuddle with him in bed for ages was so strong

so this morning I was shattered. I still went to school tho cus I thought I would improve

I noticed Jack was tired,  he wasnt his usual self and was runned off his feet bless him

i kept going but I had no brain power, I was shattered, i hurt everywhere and I had zero energy. I must have looked  like a pale zombie today

It got to 10am and I thought "am I safe to drive home" so I bought this up with Jack and he said "if you went home now could you drive" I said "im not sure" he said "right thats it youre not driving"

so the choice was he ether take me home and go school, so that takes an hour out of his busy day or I ring mummy. I rang mummy. She very kindly picked me up after my shift

I can not tell you how grateful I was 

I got home, got Oz in, put the chicken in the slow cooker, had lunch, bed

woke up 2 hours later and even then I found it very difficult to wake up

I got up and sat round with Ozwald

I then finished a couple of christmas and birthday cards

Jack came home, he was helping with the dinner, I made some banana biscuits, we were in the kitchen a while cus we had to prepare tomorrow's curry. 

we had dinner, Jack had a whisky with his

we were just so exhausted. I said to him that maybe we should have an early night, cuddle up with switchs and just sleep. I found medication sleeping tablets - very rare - in my cupboard. Jack says he will have another whisky and hopefully we will both sleep and feel loads better

we worshiped the loaf after dinner. He loves Jack so much. Jack once again was groomed

Jack took Oz to bed whilst I had a nice hot soak.

doing my diary then yeah, early night.

tomorrow is school

and i am so hoping I can go. Jack has arranged work for me to do at home if needed but I really dont wanna work from home. But just gonna have to see how I am >.>

please let us sleep tonight!

Had my meeting with two line managers and HR...

 Evening

I didnt sleep well last night, not surprised. Couldnt stop thinking about my meeting. I felt tired when I got up this morning and had to travel to school with hot bag on my stomach as I had sicky anxiety tummy -____- not the greatest monday morning I have to say. But this morning was my first morning of no social media. I sat doodling whilst eating breakfast and fussed Oz. I dont get to fuss him much in the morning as he spends those 50mins on the toilet or eating. so yeah I just doodled this morning.

So this morning we walked into the prep room to be pounced upon by teachers. So unfair and stresses me out so much. I was running round like a headless chicken trying to get practicals out.

we then had to go for our meeting at 10. I was assigned 30mins for said meeting. I was in there over an hour....I was SOOOO nervous. But the HR lady did put me at ease. he was trying to get out of me any changes to me health so in the end I said "Should I just reel it off?" and just went for it really. We laid out any changes we needed to make and what would help me and yeah. It was all very positive and it wasnt about trying to get me sacked. I felt relieved when I walked out the room. and very drained off life. I had a quick sit down, did a couple of jobs and went home.

I got home and filled mum and had lunch with her. Oz demanded apple from me (he robbed banana from me this morning) and then he went up to mum wanting her satsuma so he got that as well!! its very pressuring when hes in your face like a dog. beast. 

I had a sleep and when I woke up I had a hot chocolate, did 50mins of yoga whilst being sexually harassed by a rabbit. Id even cut him leaves to bribe him to not bother me. But he ate that and still had his way with my arm then hopped off >.> typical man takes what he wants of a woman then leaves XD 

I cooked bacon to go on jack's lunch so he has tomorrow on his wraps - pulled pork, sausage, bacon. Meat feast! I spoil him ^^

I then did dinner so it would be ready for when Jack got in which wasnt til like 6:20. cus of warhammer club. he appreciated the dinner and that I had done his lunch too. 

Oz had been waiting by Jack's seat for him to come home. Ate his evening carrot by Jack's seat and then showered Jack in licks and fuss. Wanted Jack today clearly as I havent had that kinda attention! bless him its very sweet to see tho. I made Jack take oz to bed

I had a boiling hot bath to burn those aches, now just doing diary. Its now 8:50pm and we still havent watched anime. Dont know if we might skip that tonight and just play on switchs in bed. Jack is just late doing everything tonight.

so today wasnt as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I will see what coming changes there will be at school. I feel after today I have a stronger permission to work from home if needed tho which is nice cus i feel guilty about doing that.

tomorrow is school

practical heavy day....

Bonfire night, bun sitting, meeting tomorrow

 Evening

I havent been doing my diary due to my laptop playing on the downstairs TV to drown out the sounds of fireworks from bonfire night, I did not want Jack reading my diary. He would die at my poor grammar.... But we've been Bun Sitting past two nights. To be honest I thought it was gonna REALLY bad fireworks wise this year as bonfire night - the 5th - actually fell on a saturday night not on a weekday

but it wasnt that bad. I have known it worse. Maybe its because people dont have the money for fireworks? thats all I can think of as the weather was good for it. Loaf was good anyway. He was going to bed later and loving all the extra fuss and treats. My face had been washed so much XD 

So this weekend has been ok. The whole of yesterday went to chores and cooking but it meant today was a lot more freeier for me. We did our foodshop I came out the shop and had a full on meltdown, tears the lot, all in the car. I waited in the car whilst Jack did the second shop. We got home and I hated myself. Apologised a lot for my stupid pointless childish outburst I still have at the age of 30. Jack never tells me off or tells me to get a grip. He is so understanding as says I cant help how i feel. In all honesty I have no clue where it all came from. I didnt feel right the whole day, like I hadnt had my antidepressant 

I didnt sleep well ether as I was in pain and thinking about my 'informal' meeting tomorrow. I know realistically it is nothing to worry about. But I cant seem to move past it and just keep focusing on it. I want it done and dusted. I hope i sleep tonight and not just worrying about it. Jack did a run through the meeting today with me and will be right next to me tomorrow during the actual meeting.

we did a nice 45 min autumn walk along side the woods this morning. Good job we did that when we did as it rained heavily in the afternoon, so I put my plants out for a water. I never did find any more plants to replace my dead ones but theres no rush

I sat and made a card for Lizi's birthday in december so it was nice to do some art today, I painted my nails yesterday too. I havent managed any digital work tho. Not been in the mood. I do enjoy drawing with a pen tho I have to say. Im tempted to sit doodling in the morning before school whilst eating breakfast as usually I scroll through art on instagram but I have to say for some time now, I have not been enjoying instagram its just so shite. really is. I dont post on any social media anymore. dont see the point in all honesty. But seeing what other put up is just crap. it really is. the whole 'reels' and 'tiktok' yeah, im out. I only go on intragram to look at bunnies and art but its getting old. I feel like doing something better with that 10/15mins in the morning whilst having breakfast

so I might do that. Whip out an old note pad and black biro and just doodle whilst eating. I'll sort that tonight. Im gonna challenge myself. Just decided. a whole week of no instagram (id say social media but i literally only have instagram) see if I prefer it

Jack is gaming tonight with Theo but has set an alarm to come off at 9pm as I told him I need him tonight in case I am worrying stupidly over school tomorrow

so I am gonna go sort that notebook out and play on my switch in bed. Not got long to finish disgaea4 before new pokemon comes out!!

2 plants died this week :'(

 Evening

I was having bad dreams last night, mainly about Adam chasing me and jack said I was thrashing in my sleep. The bed was tip this morning. I woke up 10mins before my alarm. Cus I have been sleeping with weighted blanket, my arms hurt from moving it around in my sleep!

I ate breakfast and died on toilet once again. But wasnt late leaving because i had got up those 10mins earlier! it actually helped this morning!

School was ok, still people congratulating us as they find out about our engagement. I got a lot done but god I was struggling to walk. I came to the conclusion that I would maybe benefit from working from home tomorrow. Id like to be able to walk at the weekend >< So Jack went through what work I can do and I have a shed load of online training to do that is overdue by 2 months.....heh woops. So that will be a lot of my morning tomorrow :/ 

I had lunch with mum and Oz. Went to bed for an hour, got up and had a brew with my demanding loaf of  rabbit >.> hungry and horny.....

I decided to do some jpop dancing for 15mins and got sweaty. I had an early bath and made sure to keep it warm for Jack coming home. I did his lunch for tomorrow, gave him pizza and cider for dinner and he ate that in pyjamas whilst watching anime. I look after him ^^ my dinner was alright. 

so I will probably have time to do something for myself tonight.

I am quite sad as 2 of my house plants have died this week. My bathroom leafy one that Julia gave to me died due to lack of water. Basically tap water browns the leaves due to chemicals in the water system but cacti dont seem to mind. So I usually gather rain water for it (hassle but I do it) or I stick it out in the rain. However we literally had over 2 weeks without rain and I also kept forgetting to buy mineral water from the shop for it. I could see it was withering so I fed it tap water. It went brown and shrivelled up....Next, my 2 remaining spiky cacti in the bathroom have had these little black flies on them for 10 days now. They seem to like my bathroom. So I suggested putting the cacti in the porch and hopefully we will lose some flies out the door as theyre so small the get swept up in the wind. I can pick them off the cacti due to them being very spiky. But my porch is cold. 1 cacti in just 3 days has shrivelled up and died. I am gutted and so sad. I feel a plant murderer. 

Jack says I can have more plants if I want :) But I liked  my plants. Some of mine need repotting too. I have since moved the remaining bathroom cacti back to his warm home of the bathroom. We have lost a good number of  black flies tho. I think cus I put my plants out for rain water time to time (only for a few hours never over night) I think something laid eggs in my cacti and theyve hatched as these black flies :/

tomorrow

I will be working from home then seeing mummy for lunch. 

Flu jabbed

 Evening 

I slept well and once again had trouble waking. Im wondering if its just the clocks have changed recently? It doesnt usually affect me tho.

We got up and did the wednesday chores before school. We were late leaving however as I couldnt get off the toilet. Had awful tummy ache

we were then in bad traffic :/ we got to school and went straight to the shops outside school for some ingredients for a practical and for a few bits for me for home! 

school was ok tho. Lizi gave us an engagement card which was nice of her and informed me of some alternative style bride websites as she said she wanted to buy me a wedding magazine but there was only e-magazines available...but she seems more hyped for my wedding than me XD I told her I havent googled a single wedding related thing as I am not in the mind set to get married right now. I will sort it as and when I feel ready for it

but because I was talking to people and doing other practical stuff I looked at the time 12:45pm....no freaking way!!! I hadnt even prepped one single lesson for tomorrow and I had 5mins left of my shift! so I quickly looked through with Jack and realised it wasnt much and I can sort it in the morning ><

I came home, had lunch with mum and Oz then I went to bed for just under an hour. Made a milk tea when I got up. I felt exhausted tho, the week is catching up with me I feel. I had zero energy and was hungry too. I didnt end up doing a lot and Jack was home early, he had a 30min sit then we went for our flu jabs. I happily told my nurse of my engagement whilst we she jabbed me and then did gave Jack his flu jab. She said we were both due for a asthma check up. Didnt realise I needed check ups >< but I felt ok after my jab I did so well ^^ I laid down for it and it always helps.

we came home, we were only half hour total and left Oz in the house he was good boy and demanded carrot as payment. I havent put him out again today as its been so horrible out there. Thats two days of house bun! he obviously goes in his cage to sleep in the garage tho. he'd live in the house 24/7 if he had his way >.>

after dinner I managed for the first time in over a month - to go on just dance! I did 3 slow songs and called it a day. I had a hot bath. I am struggling to walk now but I am half way through the week now, I can do this

tomorrow

just school nothing special. I just hope we both feel ok after flu jabs. I feel totally fine now but Jack says his arm feels heavy. I have had my sleeping side arm jabbed so I will have to try and sleep facing Jack. My weighted blanket has really been helping me sleep lately tho

We got round to telling more people our news!

 Evening

I slept well having vivid dreams, one about a ghost. Guess it was cus it was halloween maybe? My alarm went off and usually I hit off and im awake, im ready. This morning I turned it off and started to get back to sleep my body saying "you need more sleep" if it wasnt for Jack saying "come on Jo" I honestly dont know what time I would have got up/woke up....scary! People use snooze. I have never ever needed the snooze feature but I understand now why single people may need it!

This morning, my legs freakin hurt. Good god the pain. Really hurt to walk. I said to Jack that the only reason I was able to go to work was because I didnt have any practicals on.

we had breakfast and despite Oz having his morning carrot, he smelt me having banana, oinked over and JUMPED on the sofa between us! he never does that, and was in my face demanding he was to have my banana. Its very threatening my loaf! I gave him what he wanted and he hopped off the sofa, hopped off and ate it. Didnt see him again...user bun

School was ok I guess. We actually got round to telling more people about our engagement which was nice as so many people congratulated us and a teacher from yesterday had even been out to get us a card!! Its nice cus theyve watched us meet, date, move out, and now engaged. They have seen our whole relationship progress. 

so yesterday when I walked into the prep room, I said "it stinks" jack who still had a snotty nose, couldnt smell anything. I thought that maybe it was the usual funk of a school being shut up for 2 weeks. But today I could hear water and it was bothering me. towards the end of my shift I thought id check the freezer (having already used the fridge yesterday) and the freezer was full of water and warm.....it had broke. And the smell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of 2 rotting lambs hearts T^T dear god. So that was the source of the smell. The water was from it dripping and the bottom tray collecting the water and sloshing when we walk by it. so I was helping Jack sort that disgusting thing out. He changed the fuse and left it on to see if it worked. The back got hot but inside wasnt getting cold. So some element had gone. we need a new freezer! but that was grim. Then had to walk in the pouring rain to my car. so that was a sucky hour I have to say!

i dont feel like I got much done of my shift today as everyone kept talking to me and people were talking about weddings to me too, i had the freezer to sort. so yeah not a productive day but I was glad my legs held out. driving home was exhausting tho

got home to find mum had already bought my bunny in, we had lunch then I went to bed for just an hour today. I had a cup of tea with my loaf then I was in the kitchen for many many hours...

i made some treats for me to eat, I made Jack's lunch, I did tonights dinner also. jack came home and I served him dinner, I helped him prep for stew tomorrow morning so yes in the kitchen a long long time. I wasnt able to exercise cus honestly its bad right now. i am also shattered. So I just had a fuss of the bun with Jack, took him to bed and went for a bath.

that was my day

tomorrow

school and flu jab TT^TT dont wanna go >< buts its free as I have asthma so I should make the most of it. But my job also gives free flu vouchers. Flu jabs to buy are like £15! So jack is leaving work a lil early to get home earlier for flu jab cus hes having his also.