Evening~~~
I didn't sleep
I had my nightmare pay me a visit
I ended up tearing off a head from their shoulders which splattered me with blood
to which I woke up sweating
I couldnt sleep for some time then.
so annoying these nightmares
I did some sewing and got further with Oz's blanket
its really coming along
I sat looking through my Japanese fashion books
just for inspiration really and I found a style of hair bow I'd like to try
I rested then got ready to meet adam
I picked him up from the gym and went into a town
I went on a market I havent been too in months! (was spending too much there!)
The stall lady remembered me and she always knocks money off for me
even tho her stuff is so cheap
I mean these bracelets were £1 each!!!!
I also got a cute little hair bow she didn't charge me for and finally
2 chokers for £1 each
so I spent a total of £4
you can't even buy some of these items for £4!!!
Then we hit the charity shops
I picked up this skirt for £3.99 it H&M thought it was cool cus its so different
and then a top for £2.99 its Miss Fiori and I plan on maybe sprucing it up a bit ;)
then we came home and had a brew in the lovely sunshine baring in mind that it was
SNOWING yes SNOWING whilst we looked round charity shops
just what the hell is wrong with british weather!?
one moment we had snow then the next we're in t-shirt at the top of the garden
all in the space of 2 hours!!!!!
then we had a play fight inside when the weather turned cold once again
he kicked me off my bed twice -________________-
but told me later he loved me ^^
I took him home
and since then just been with pets
and trying to fill in a job application that is 10 pages long
i will finish it tomorrow ><
tomorrow seeing adam again at some point or another
and hopefully mia too
Evening~
Didn't blog yesterday cus I didn't get home til 9:15pm
and quite frankly I could not be arsed to turn my laptop on
and write, I just wanted a shower and bed! I was shattered truly shattered
anyway~ the reason for the title of this entry
basically the last time I blogged I finished up at 7:45pm
I closed my laptop down and thought 'I'll go ged Oz in from outside'
I hadn't seen him for a bout 15mins or so but I wasnt concerned
but upon going outside and looking for him I couldnt find him
but didn't panic cus i thought 'he's no doubt in bush or something'
mum came out after she saw me looking for 5-10mins
we couldnt find him...
20mins had passed and we'd turned the house, garden and shed upside down
i was trying to keep my breathing under control
dad was there saying "well he's got out hasnt he, he could be anywhere or someone could have even snatched him I suppose"
thanks dad. thanks for that one. im trying not to have a panic attack and look for my baby and you go and say stuff like that!!!!!!
So we were out on the drive way looking for him, looking over neighbour's fences
he could not have got out tho. we've never had this problem before. never
at this point i did have tears down my face but i wasnt crying and my breathing was turning into a panic mode of breathing
my family were all out the front
i came back round to the back door and movement caught my eye
who was underneath their hutch? Oz of course he was
so i called him he came from under his hutch and i scooped him up at this point i was crying with relief cus i was worried sick for him
i came to tell my family and mum was relieved i could see her holding tears back
dad and brother just went inside
30mins of absolute terror there. really thought he'd gone
but where the hell had he'd been? cus obviously all 4 of us looked under his damn hutch
next day he was out and about
i was off to adam's house so i went to get Oz in
couldnt find him
so I went to look under his cage
and at the back of Pinky's cage on the floor is this hole about the size of a big slice of bread
it is cut out of my neighbour's house. we'd put half a standard brick to block it up as in past years hedgehogs have used it for a nest would you believe!
so i just thought i'd check it, keeping in mind we've never had a problem with this with kip or tiffin. it was so dark and small but i caught movement
it was Oz. having a wash.
he was under my neighbours house!!!!!
no way in hell could i get him the hole was so small
im not sure how he found it or fit through it
i about had a heart attack seeing him there cus he could go under my neighbours floorboards and deep into their house! - which my dad kindly pointed out whilst i has my heart attack
so i talked to him and he came out after a minute
i picked him up for a cuddle
so thats where he had been that night. no wonder we couldnt find him! its a pitch black tiny hole!
he was none the wiser their was a problem!
so ive fulled bricked it up now i dont think he can move 2 full bricks.
after all that i went over to adam's house
spoke to his mum on the drive way for a few mins then went in to go see him
we went to a local park and walked round the big lakes
i was quite tired actually after that
we didnt know where to go eat so adam suggested frankie and benny's
a chain restaurant im not fussed about but there was nothing round us
so i ate a small plate of spaghetti and adam had a big burger with chips and a whole garlic pizza bread i swear i have no idea where he puts it all, it was only lunch!
he paid. again. ><
we came back to my house and sat in the sun in the garden
whilst watching the pets outside
it got warm actually
my hair is slowly being bleached blond by the sun like it does every year
gonna dye it probably but adam says he likes it /:
then we went over to his house
but god from eating lunch and sitting up the garden i had wicked stomach ache
and i had it still at his house just bad pains but it wasnt doing anything
i couldnt find the cause for the pain
we sat for a while talking with his parents
theyre so lovely to me and im good at bringing his dad down a few notches XD
he was sucking up to adam's mum so he'd get out of doing the ironing
saying "you make such a wonderful job dear"
i could see right through that one. so i kissed the tips of my hand and then tapped my bum
everyone was laughing and his dad did not see that coming XD
we had a beef roast which was really good
and pudding
then we played scrabble which i have never played before
and wont play again its awful game for dyslexics i cant see anything
his mum helped me and i won. how i do not know.
we played triominos again i won! i was on a role
then i came home
today i havent felt brilliant actually
ive plodded along sewing Oz's blanket
went to see karen for reflex
slept
and just had an easy day
like i said i didnt feel good
not sure why i cant work it out
tomorrow seeing adam after lunch
here's one bow ive made
Evening~~
I didn't sleep well
I woke up to the sound of my brother coming home at 1:30am
from there it took me ages too get back to sleep
honestly i sleep so lite at night!!!
during the day i sleep through anything
like a guard dog and twitch in my sleep like one XD
I woke up at 7:30am I got up and then realized it was
7:30am and not 8:30am which I thought it was ><
All well I wasnt gonna be able to fall back to sleep now
so i carried on and started my day~
I got loads done in the morning
I sorted all the pets out
cleaned em out
hovered downstairs
tidied downstairs
did some laminating for dad
did some sewing on a hair bow
got ready to go over to adams
and this was all before 10:30!
I waited for mum to come home from her walk then went to adams
we sat with his parents and talked
then we went for food
but i have been struggling all day with food
i just dont want it today my head just doesnt want me to eat
and its really annoying me
then he put a film on in his room
i wasnt watching it i couldnt even tell you what it was called
i was too busy playing pokemon til my battery ran low ><
then I annoyed adam for all i was worth XD yes i got him good
he was getting close to breaking point
he threatened me with several things mainly stealing an item of clothing off my body
but he wouldnt dare
and it was time for me to go anyway really
I told his dad i was going home to wash my car
he said "you're what? wait and til his mum hears this, she NEVER cleans her car"
at that point adam's mum did come into the room
adam's dad "jo tell her what you're gonna do when you get home"
he looked smug at this point and i could see adam silently joining his side
theyre always ganging up on her!
so I turned to her "I'm gonna go put my feet up and have a brew"
his mum "ah thats a good way to spend an afternoon"
his dad like exploded at that XD "you suck up!! thats not what you said"
i smiled cus I had won that round
Sticking up for the girls!
I got home and cleaned my car cus it was just bad
then I went to finish the hair bow I started that morning
made myself some food later on
now just thinking of dancing and maybe skipping also~
here's the t-shirt I got in the post it was only £4 and a good brand too!!
Tomorrow I have been invited to go over to Adam's house
for dinner once again >< but hopefully i wont get told off like last sunday by mummy XD
so I think I'm seeing him at some point, going for a walk and then doing whatever in the afternoon til the evening time. I hope to spend some time at home tho
we did look today at going manchester for convention but it's not til 30th july
so we're holding back on booking it
this time next week i would have been convention in my home city~
Evening
I slept like crap I really did
I was shattered when I woke up at 6am and waiting til 7am to get up
I got all ready for the school and arrived there no problems
it was only down the road really
The school was quite big actually
and I was in the youngest class
the staff were all really nice ladies ^^
but the kids meh they werent the most polite bunch of kids i've known
the job it's self was very very easy
but boring
the problem with easy work is that it makes time go mega slow
so i could not wait for 3:30 to come!
the classroom was noisy and so was the staff room!
I couldnt escape the noise!
When the day finally ended i couldnt wait to get home
mum made me a brew
but i knew if I sat too long I'd fall asleep i was that shattered
i had nothing but snacked on biscuits in the classroom for energy ><
so I went upstairs to go make a cute little hair bow
but before i could do that mum told me to come see something
she had put the ramp on the side of Oz's cage and showed me that he
could come out and use it!!! I had planned to show it him this weekend
but mum had beat me to it!
she said he'd been using it all day going in and out
bless him
he's one clever lil bun
I caught him here under my bed but laying on top of boxes
like next to no room XD
I made my lolita hair bow
its just drying cus I painted it a lil and im pleased with
Ive cut fabric out for another one id like make
but ran out of energy and time
so thats for tomorrow morning!
tomorrow i am going over to adam's house at 11ish again
its becoming a normal thing for me to do on a saturday
to go see him before his shift
looking forward to seeing him ^^
I got a t-shirt in the post today
well pleased with it ^^
I will photograph it
I brought a skirt online tonight £5 second hand but worn once
so should be ok worth about £15 anyway
but it's a large but it has corset strings so im gonna make them as tight
as they'll go and pray it becomes smaller for hips~
Good Evening all~
I slept pretty well and woke up at 8am
it was raining - wonder when it would finally rain
so I was on pet duty as mum was at work and it was indoor play
so it took me til almost 10am by the time they had all had their morning stretch
Oz did really well outside today
he explored everywhere this time I think he was surprised at how
much land he found
he is one lucky bunbun
I actually left him to it twice today
but was watched like a hawk by me and mum inside
i went out a few times cus i could tell he wasn't sure and lost his confidence
I have been working on Oz's blanket today
I got quite a bit done actually I was pleased
and i think it's looking alright
it will take a while to complete it tho as im taking my time
ive got loads of fabric left over XD
I fell asleep around midday cus i suddenly felt sick again
and when I woke up I still felt rough
but I managed yoga anyway :) I did really well actually
considering im nursing my aching muscles!
I ordered a cute skirt last night it was £8.50 and new
its a sailor moon theme I cant wait to see it
I got this today from Korea - etude house eye tear liner
Basically a lovely soft glittery eye line to place just under your eye
I cant wait to have ago with it
may try it out when I see adam on saturday~
I was thinking about him today actually
about how Ive allowed myself to feel
I had chosen to close myself from people and emotions
mum always said i was 'hard' and that i feared getting close to people
she was right
i would never take that risk
i had always wanted to finish my education and sort myself out first
before i dated it was just something i wanted to set right
but then by this time I was and still am carrying my illnesses
so i remained closed off from people and my feelings
thinking no one would want me anyway cus id be too much of a burden
but ive taken that chance with adam
not sure what has made me actually take that leap but im glad i did
i feel more like someone of my age and i enjoy the range of emotions he makes flutter through me
instead of just constantly feeling my illness
its almost like he's here to replace my illnesses
i just hope he doesnt get fed up of me
cus lets face it he has to put up with A LOT
><
tomorrow I have school!
a school I have never been to before
but it's local only 10min drive if that
and not bad area so hopefully should be alright :)
it's all day tho so i've made myself a salad and got some stuff
in my bag I can doodle with on my breaks
i hope the staff and students are nice
wish me luck!
Evening
I jeez I feel awful
i mean I can deal with the aches and stuff
I just hate feeling like im sick
i could tell adam wanted to see me today and when i asked
why he didnt come over he said
"im letting you recover"
Anyway today I havent done a lot
i went out to the pet shop with mum
sat outside a few times with Oz watching him get cocky
he found the shed today that was fun getting him outta there >.>
rabbits
I got frustrated with sewing
its not going right so im going back to basics tomorrow
doing a very basic design
cus ive had enough now!
I put a pair of pants on today
and like yesterday's pair they didn't fit they felt loose
granted theyre not my best pairs theyre just pants
i told mum she said
"you need to have a baby Jo that will put a figure on you"
i've had a boyfriend for 3 weeks now shes already talking about babies
jesus
she aware im still mentally a child right? and that i have the body of a pre-adolescence girl
hopefully I will feel better tomorrow
my brother said something that cut so deep and it was only a couple of sentences
along the lines of he's seen me do more in the last few weeks
he worries i will go backwards and make myself sick again
telling me he lost a lot of time with out me and doesnt want it to happen again
i think i covered my tears up well
he didnt say it to be mean but that is a very deep wound
not being the sister i was suppose to be for a few years
it was truly a crushing pain
one at the time i couldnt talk or think about with out getting upset
i felt i had failed him
speaking of illness
yesterday when i flaked out on adam
he left me to go downstairs and he spoke with mum
only did i find out this morning about how much she said
jesus he aint gonna want to see me again!!!
she told him about my health that i put too much on myself and he needs
to be strict with me when mum isnt there to be
she said my eating has improved since hes come along
too keep an eye on my eating
she asked for his mobile number as well -_____-
im 25 right? yeah think im 25
anyway moving on
tomorrow is sewing and yoga
a top i got in the post
cool isnt it and only £4.99
Today I woke up at 8am~
woooo
I helped with the pets
and I was left alone for the morning
I did some dancing and yoga and got my kit ready
I was at the gym for 11am and met adam
I got all signed in and stuff
then I went to see the gym for myself
I was impressed at the size of it actually
it was big and full of loads of equipment more than I knew existed
and it was clean and in good condition
Adam stayed with me a lot of the time as I didnt want to be alone
cus heck I didnt know how the hell these machined worked
and cus i wanted to see wonder boy in action
i was impressed i will not deny that
he has a lot of strength behind him and it scares me sometimes how strong he is
and what i call punishment he puts his body through
and of course he didnt just let me stand there oh no he had to get me involved
and cus i have a big mouth i end up punishing myself
hes like "how's that?"
"ah its quite easy actually" so he makes it harder
why do I say anything!?
but there was one machine that is basically you picking your own body weight up
well i matched him on that!!! in fact we were both 1 away from the top
i said "let me do the top one that'll put ya to shame"
he didnt let me do it
but that was my achievement of the day being able to match him on something hes been training on for years but i put it down to the fact he weighs double me
we left to go take showers i wasn't sweaty unlike adam who looked
like he had done work out i looked cool as a cucumber XD
but he did do more than me
still i went for a shower
ninja nun style
seriously there was 2 changing rooms the rest was open female space
the showers well i wore my clothes into the cubical got undressed and hung it
all over the door, showered put my t-shirt back on and wrapped the towel round my bottom half stumbling carrying the rest of my stuff to the changing room
all around me naked ladies
cringe worthy indeed
so I got changed without anyone seeing my nudy parts XD
met adam we had lunch
he paid
again
i feel in debt to him
but i tell myself "i pay for petrol"
we went to my house
and sat outside with Oz
played pokemon
he showed me videos of this guy pranking his brother
then adam told me "one time he put a 11" comdom in his brother's burger"
my mind absolutely reeled at this, adam was laughing about the prank
i wasnt
"whats up?"
"oh nothing you seriously dont want to know what i was thinking"
"no go on"
"people, i mean guys, guys cant be that big right?"
adam went quiet at this point
"i've heard some guys can be, yeah"
"thats not possible!!!!"
yeah i freaked out a bit and adam noticed I had shifted away from him - subconsciously
i wasnt aware guys were that size and the thought of that in me or near me for that matter
scared me half to death. it wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have a boyfriend
but one day i may end up in that situation and im not sure i want to be
ok i definitely dont want to be
but i could react that strongly in front of him cus he's a guy and shouldnt be ashamed of being a guy and i didnt want to make him feel awkward or anything
it was just a shock thats all
he told me not to worry and then changed the subject
great going Jo showing your immaturity once again!!
I was fighting off sleep all afternoon
and soon my body ached
and at 3pm i had stomach ache and nausea
by 5:20pm I had started to dose off to try and escape these feelings
adam was still over and i said i didnt feel good at all
i worried about taking him home
but he was fine he told me to stay there, wrapped me up, brought me water and told mum i had done too much - snitch
and walked home
i fell asleep for an hour then mum woke me
i felt dreadful still i got some food down me
need to drink actually i havent drank much since 3pm
i am dreading waking up tomorrow in case i can not walk
but we shall see
so that was my day at the gym
i cant handle anything can i
but i was still glad i went and i was impressed at how strong i actually am :)
necklace I got in the post
i got other stuff today also ^^
