Evening~~
What an achievement today
seriously I am actually impressed with myself
I did the park run today so thats 5k/3mile
last week my mum put a leash on me making me promise her worrying self
that I would walk not run
well its fair game this week
I ran it!
I ran like 97% of it
last week I did it in 44mins
this week I did it in 34mins!!!
I took 10 mins off last week's time!
I couldnt believe how well I was doing
I just kept going really all the way by myself and found enough energy to sprint the last 100m
I didnt feel dead ether, I wasnt dripping in sweat
I was really surprised.
Running is really good for me at the moment as I tune the world out
I really do tune off
and thats good for me whilst i cont control my mile a minute thoughts
Im removed from pain since my illnesses, I quite literally dont feel pain that much
pain that i know would hurt others doesnt do a lot for me
so when my body is hurting or tiring or having running pains i just block it out
something i know i could never do before and during my illnesses
something has changed in the brain
so yeah achievement today!
I slept pretty decently too last night
I felt a bit rough this morning and wondered how Id do with the park run
as i was tired just walking up and down stairs XD
At the park run I managed to call mum's crew a bunch of geeks
the top runner of the group asked if i wanted to run with him i said "nah its cool wouldnt want to show you up" i could hear mum saying "shes not my daughter" XD I have untactful mouth
We got home and we bathed the guineas as they felt grimy
the bath water afterwards was not pretty...
I had a shower and my first brew of the day
i sat on my laptop for a bit then made a salad for lunch
i read on my bed but dropped off to sleep for an hour
i was pretty tired
I got up and had a brew
mum and dad went out so i hoovered my car, polished the inside and washed the outside
good job done i wanted to get done today
Later me and mum popped to TK MAXX as I wanted a canvas
i felt the need to paint and theyre local and I know they always have quality canvases reduced
i managed to pick up one bigger than A3 for £1...£1!!
but it had a scratch down it but i think ive covered it, i will check when the paint has dried
I made myself pasta for dinner and now ive got stomach ache whilst doing my diary
i want to do my nails tonight
its sodding bank holiday this weekend
so everywhere is gonna be full of happy families
and i hate dealing with busy places full of parents with bratty kids
so Im not sure what I will do tomorrow
im sure adam will want to see me at some point so i'll have that to contend with XD
im thinking of going down to the range and hobby craft as my acrylic paints are pants and going off too, maybe i should invest in something new i certainly need some gold paint for this master piece
I brought this night cream i am yet to try for £3.50
bargain!
I hope I can walk tomorrow XD
Otsukaresama deshita!
I've done it!
What an achievement for me to be able to work a full week
to exercise and carry on with life
and not die!
I can do it!
Maybe this proves that my illness really is behind me
these last 3-4 weeks I have felt 'normal' physically for the first time in 8 years
Maybe I can keep working full time
I need to find a full time job now
ganbarimasu!
So last night I did in fact sleep not to bad actually
hay fever was bad this morning, it was raining and my hay fever usually gets wound
up by the rain
It was art day!!!
And my day was BUSY serious very very busy
but it was nice to be an actual teaching assistant not working 1 to 1
1 to 1 bores me and cus i had to be on the go all day i didnt have to sit down 1 to 1
i was a classroom assistant
i didnt get break time as it was indoor play and i was asked to work whilst the teacher
supervised the class
i worked through my last break too
i didnt stop basically and it made the day go much quicker
A mum of a child came in to talk and help as she was an artist and brought her art work in
which was paintings and there were good actually
made me want to sit down and paint!
I showed her my digital pieces and she was impressed ^^
Straight after school I went to Nigels
I had 16 needles and a harsh massage
my back has a lot of purple patches from bruises, already...
my pain threshold it high tho as i think "ah this pain will pass in a few mins"
im good at handling pain which i know others wont tolerate
hard as nails
I told him "I take it like a man" he said "or you could say a 'strong woman'" I said "yeah but im not a feminist" that made him laugh
he says my energy felt brighter and clearer as this is the first time he's seen me since ive been feeling 'normal'
I came home and i was hungry and couldnt wait for dinner
didnt do too much actually
i banged on Little Britain, a comedy series from my high school days to make me laugh
I watched another episode of House with Oz last night
but tonight Friday Night Dinner is on so im watching that instead of House
Im restless but I my body is physically tired
not sure how this evening will go at all
im a bit all over the place
Tomorrow I've got my second park run :D
well looking forward to it
Oh and I forgot to show photos of the guinea pig cushion I made for mum~
Evening
I'm almost there! Just one day to go!!
Yesterday I whipped out my complete boxset of House
I havent seen it in years!!
House was another series I religious tuned into whilst I was in high school
why am I revisiting these high school series? XD
I decided to start from season 5 as thats where I can remember from
I have A LOT of episodes to watch with Oz to say the least
Last night I managed to get to sleep
I woke up around 11pm choking, I think a spider must have crawled down my throat XD
only logical explanation XD
I got back off but I woke up at 12:30
something woke me like an internal alarm, something saying "something is wrong"
I woke up with horrendous stomach pain
Ive had stomach pains course I have, but this was something Im not sure Ive had before
or if I have Ive not had it in a long while
I was in agony
I had to get up outta bed as I couldnt stop moving trying in vein to find a comfy
pain relieving position
nothing was working
i went downstairs
I was panting
I was pacing
like being in labour XD
It was awful and I tried going to the toilet, I tried eating
and after an hour the pain did fade to a dull ache
if it hadnt i was almost gonna wake mum as i wondered if something serious was happening
it was horrid and I was trying to think "what did i eat today!?"
there is no explanation
I was highly peed off that another day of the trot of me not sleeping when i have work
I told mum in the morning about my stomach as it felt like id received a swift kick to my guts
I tried to eat a bit of breakfast
At school it was school picture day so the kids were lively
the morning was dull and I was thinking "how will i get through the day? How will I get through tomorrow as well?" My stomach hurt and felt empty so I robbed 2 biscuits from the staffroom
I came home for lunch and didnt stop
dont think I hardly sat down at all actually
but beats sitting in the staffroom not talking to anyone
in the afternoon at school well it wasnt too bad
and i went outside on play ground duty when it wasnt my duty
i got thanked for it
I got told at the end of the day "tomorrow is art day. Art all day!"
is there any sweeter words? ART ALL DAY
that is perfect for me and my soul felt lighter and that it had been saved from more tedious maths and english work. I told the teacher i love art she said "wanna teach the class?" XD
So tomorrow looks brighter for me
I got home and I saw this had arrived
My Sakura Koi water colours I fawned over
Finally have come!
I sent this photo to adam and quoted underneath "my idea of porno" XD
Can not wait to have ago with them!
I had a brew with mum and caught up with her, texted adam, got stuff ready for school tomorrow then went out to yoga
yoga was good and wasnt too hard. I had a hay fever attack typically
so that annoyed me
God I hope I sleep I really do
I will watch another episode of House with Oz i think
tomorrow art day, then going straight to Nigel's
tomorrow I would have completed a full week of work
I cant remember the last time I did such a feat
Konbanwa~
I didn't sleep well
even after going for another 20min run which i totally enjoyed
I used to run all the time before I got ill, not doing it and not suffering afterwards
has almost got me addicted to the feel of it again
So I felt I was gonna sleep last night
and around 11pm I did in fact nod off to only wake up at 12:15....
i had only been asleep a sodding hour
I was gutted to say the least
what had woke me was i was having a dream that all my pain had come flooding back
and it was agonising and everywhere. I was screaming whilst in the fetal position
so no wonder I woke up
I went and got up til 2am
I was tired for school
School was maths all morning as there was parents coming in to be taught maths by the school children, all a bit of fun and its good the do such events
came home for lunch
during lunch I had got an appointment to see the psychiatrist on 30th May, was shocked to the text message said May and not June!
I rang up a school for a visit after half term as theyre advertising for a job
brought some make up off ebay
busy lunch
and after lunch I was quite literally dropping off in class
it was like a green house in there and it was boring
so at break i went outside for a bit to wake me up which did help
the days are long and dull but im over half way done now!
I got called a teenager twice to day by students XD
I left school and went to adams house
we talked and he cuddled me a lot like i was gonna disappear or something
i find it so hard to give the affection back
i left before his parents got home otherwise id never get away
since then ive caught up with a few things on my laptop
but i think i will do yoga and dance tonight instead of running again
good night for running but i dont wanna ache too much for yoga tomorrow XD
Tomorrow is school and then yoga~
Here is the 2nd tshirt I got from Bodyline
Evening~~
Otsukaresama deshita
I slept....I actually slept like a normal person
I literally had worn myself to the ground tho yesterday
I went for a 20min run, loved it but was tired
I woke myself up at 7:05am gotta love body clocks
School I was a lil dull if im honest this morning
I was then later told there is a job going to be advertised at that school soon
ready for September and to keep an eye out for it!
I will be sure to check it out as I want to see what the position is for
It was maths and english in the morning anyhow
came home for lunch
after lunch i was put into year 3 which were feral honestly
working with teacher who you can just tell doesnt like me
she was the year above me in secondary school, small world!
then it was break time and I was allowed to go out on duty in the nice weather
then I was back in year 4 working with a child with behavioural issues
but i was told if he kicks off then the teacher and TA is only next door and theyd come
but i winged it like i had all afternoon and he was fine with me
we were doing Spanish and i was so impressed with the TA who was taking the lesson
she could flit between english and spanish effortlessly
i wish i was that good at japanese but i dont try hard enough i know i dont
I went home then
since then I have just been on my laptop really nothing special
feels good to get this day done with
i might go for another run tonight as i do believe it helped me sleep
and its a good night for it again
tomorrow its school, there will be parents in the classroom in the morning
so im hoping that doesnt mean its gonna be too slow and boring for me
after school i am seeing adam at his for a brew and catch up
hes gone out tonight with his work mates, i was invited but im not going
i know i should but im not
i got this top in the post, new from Bodyline :D
Ostukaresama deshita~~
I didn't sleep til gone 1am
mind was going 100mph
I have no say or control on my mind lately
Mum woke me up at 7am and I could not be arsed with my day
but I got on with it as you do
My morning was fine really just maths and english which both bore me
especially sitting one to one its dull
I like to be moving around
I went home for lunch i had left over BBQ meat and a yogurt
then had stomach ache typically
I arrived back at school just as the kids were getting back into class!
I was working with the head teacher he was teaching but i didnt feel shy or
intimidated cus ive gone past the stage of caring really XD
My afternoon was a lil better as there were colouring crayons involved
there was assembly and then play so for 40mins i had nothing to do
so i gave myself jobs to do as i couldnt sit in the staffroom twiddling my thumbs
id be bored outta my wits
End of the day came and i was happy id finished my day
I got home and sat with Oz for a lil while but its so warm i didnt wanna make him warm
I designed nails for this weekend coming
here are this weeks~
My mind is so busy but my body is tired so im trying to give myself jobs to do
I made myself salad for dinner
whilst i was eating my mother had done the washing up...i was peeved as its now MY job
i told her cus i wanted her to know how much it annoyed me and that i dont appreciate her babying me by doing it. shes gotta learn. tough love and all that.
Now im sat in my room wondering what to do with myself as its not even 6pm yet
and im already losing focus with it all
i cant see the good work ive done today all i see is what could i be using my time for now
its really difficult
Ive made an appt with Nigel for acupuncture on friday straight after school
as i think i want to try him for some help to calm my mentalness down
tomorrow school again
i should be then going out with adam and his work mates but im not going
Evening
I didnt go to bed til 1:30am
seems like I couldnt shut my brain off
Not sure how much I can hack this for
I woke up at 7am and thought "sod that" went to sleep til 8:45am
when I got up showered and got ready for the day ahead
I took me and adam to a park 13 miles away
we pulled up, £3.50 they wanted for the car park
robbing sods
we had a walk round and adam treated me to lunch I had cheese on toast
then after lunch I noticed they had an ice cream
they had white choc chunk...seriously...
no one ever has that flavour!!!!!!!!!!!!! its my freakin favourite!!!
so I said he was having ice cream whether he wanted it or not!!!
it was amazing and worth any stomach issues id incur
We finished our walk then i drove a mile down the road to a place my parents
took us as kids its a little stream about 3m wide and 20cm deep and i took my flip flops
and towel and off i went, i walked in water which is so satisfying and soothing to my soul
to be in natural water is a calling to me
must be because im an Aquarius
adam eventually coxed me outta the water
i could be there all day X3
we went back home to his house
and we spent some time alone in his room i think he was missing my affections
i try but im just not that affectionate, in the end i played 'thumb war' with him XD
bring him down to my level haha
im not good at expressing that kinda stuff and never had a need for affection
i gotta try i know i have
i can see its important to him
I did his mum nails we had a brew and talked about park run
so yeah it was a must needed leisure sunday
as we havent really done much together as of late
i came home for my dinner
tonight id like to runt through some dancing, get ready for school
and watch Jekyll with Oz
tomorrow i have school all day
i can see it being a chore at times but i will get it done :)
songs that im currently into and big motivators are
Kalafina - Sprinter
Monogatari - Re:born
Onepixcel - Howling
