Evening~~
I finished my first week at school!
such an achievement to me!
Friday went alright
Jack was late as he caught the wrong tram i think he was half asleep
so he was 15mins late
which gave me time to plant my little prank
i had written on an empty envelope
'made you look, made you stare, made you lose your underwear'
and on the reverse side
'10 points to Jo'
such satisfaction
i put it in the 'science technicians' tray in the staff room
as hes the only one to check it
he came in and said "that was unfair Jo, damn you"
ahhhh what a great way to start the working day
a teacher said to me they were doing a forensics year 7 lesson
and was on play ground duty and couldnt set the room how she wanted it
so i offered
i had to find a toy monkey with a screw in it's head
draw a chalk outline round him
stick 'crime scene' tape across the classroom door
i said to the teacher "can i do blood too?"
she said "that will annoy jack wont it...yeah go for it"
so i got paint from the art department
and jack was like "what you doing with that?"
i said "doing blood on a lab floor"
he about blew up saying no and all that
i know how to stress him out XD
i still did it
looked good and the teacher approved
also i spoke to head of biology and she said they used to have a class hamster...
she stopped having them as it fell on her shoulders to always have the hamster during holiday periods so i said id be thrilled to have a hammy and id look after it
jack was instantly stressed XD
im so gonna win this!
she said "come see me in september and we will discuss it more, i still have the cage and ball and everything"
that would make my year being able to look after a hammy!!!
love my job XD
i ate my dinner inside as it was pouring down
and i couldnt be bothered with it
but i had awful stomach ache
i had forgot my ipod too
i ended up staying 15mins later with jack as i didnt finish with julia til late
but i can finish 15mins early one day next week
so i will do that on a hypnotherapy day
i brought us to my house in the pouring rain
got my stuff and saw Oz and went to jacks
i was tired from work
he made dinner, we sat round watching comedies and in the end i went to bed
i told he can stay up with theo but i was tired
he came to bed with me
in the morning we had breakfast
i ached so bad
so i had a hot bath and felt a bit better
i think the week had literally caught up with me
we went looking for pokemon heartgold but didnt have any luck
then we came back to the flat
watching anime
we ate donuts and a cheese and bean wrap
so many anorexic thoughts
theo came in and we joked about i almost fell asleep
and decided to go home i was tired
came home and sorted stuff out
i had got my digimon game in the post and my converse
both of which are in like brand new condition
so im well happy
im yet to try the shoes on and play the game
not bothering with dinner tonight
cant face more food
its new Killing Eve tonight
cant wait to see it!
tomorrow not sure what im doing as of yet
here's my new quilt its ok but by far not my best
theo and jack love it tho
they want it to stay on the sofa ><
im glad its getting use i guess
Evening~~
I slept well
I drank some of that tea that gives you dreams before bed
i dreamed i was a wolf
seems to be a common dream for me some how
perhaps i was one in a former life
i keep waking before my alarm
almost like im worried it will fail to go off on me
anyway school
school was fine really same old
i had a bit of time with jack today which was nice
i also explained to julia my mentalness
and jack made me go sit in the car after trying to suggest we all go eat outside
but i felt that was drawing too much attention to myself
i came in and complained about eating alone
as it does suck
jack suggested i bring my ipod in tomorrow and sit inside and zone off to that
he knows music helps me
so im gonna give that ago
i just hope julia understands and doesnt think im being rude
im finding it hard to eat tho
a lot of anorexic thoughts at lunch
i got to repot a shed load of plants today
and some were so small and cute
jack is taking one for his flat
what he doesnt realise is that ive stuck a sticker on it saying "spike"
as i named it, ive faced it away so he cant see the sticker til he picks it up XD
i came home
couldnt be bothered to talk
i was too damn tired
i just ate loads
god i ate so much but i only managed a banana at lunch
went to yoga
and karen was a right beast honestly that woman will be the death of me one day
all i could think was "i volunteered to come here"
i came back and ate more XD
i feel so bad for eating tho
its all the wrong foods too!
i ordered a digimon game on DS back from 2008 to have ago with
as i wanted a new game to play and im struggling to get into pokemon ultra moon
its just boring
i got a tshirt in the post its so cool
and i got some face stuff too
a different face oil to try from korea its just a variation of one ive had before and i brought a face base with SPF50 in it so i protect my face this summer
tomorrow i have school
we finish earlier on a friday
i have a fair bit to do tho
i think jack is coming home with me and im staying at his tomorrow night
doing my nails tonight~
i am tired tho
im wearing out
my knee is still not right
i can see a visit to chiropractor coming up
Evening~~
So yesterday I had my second day of full time work
I didnt sleep that well
I had some awful nightmares
like where does some of that stuff come from 0.0
i dreamed i could hear cats meowing and i found hung up in a shed
swinging by rope tied round their necks they each had only 3 legs down to the knee and had been blinded but could still meow for help
disturbing on so many levels
where does that come from?
I dont read or watch or play anything gross or horror related
maybe im just warped
anyway school
it was a good day
i managed everything
it was very dull doing a chemical stock take we are not even half way through -___-
some chemicals and bottles were older than me
i got all my prepping done as well as well as some of jack's cus hes still helping julia out
we did get 5 mins alone to have a chat in the staffroom
he asked if i would come over that night and have dinner with him
i said i could but had hypnotherapy and to maybe sleep over
i came home and went near enough straight back out
as i had hypnotherapy
she focused on self esteem and mental pain
i literally remembered none of it, if she had told me i had fell asleep on her couch i would have well believed her but obviously not the case. she said the more sessions you have the easier and deeper you go into it all
she suggested that as im struggling to eat at work to take work away from eating. so she suggested to eat my lunch in my car and to park facing away from the school
i came home and saw my Oz whilst i got my stuff ready for jack's
i grabbed a quick shower and i went at 7pm
one of those days you just do not stop
he was happy to have me over and so was theo
we were making sick jokes and it made me laugh
i was glad i had made the effort to come out instead of being tired round the house
jack cooked me pasta it was good actually even if he was getting distracted by pokemon go whilst cooking >.>
i slept really well too i couldnt believe it was morning
i got up at 6:20am
got myself practically ready and came into the bedroom to find jack where i left him -___-
i know he doesnt do mornings
he made me breakfast and i made him a brew which he was grateful for
then we went to work together
its a lot quicker to work from his place than mine
work was fine
ive even prepped stuff for friday
prepped some stuff for jack too
he was like "you're making me look bad" XD
he was like "go do this"
"done it"
"go do that"
"done it"
"bloody hell jo"
I said "when i get good at something im good"
it was quite satisfying him trying to give me a job and id already done it
thats using initiative for ya
i did loads today
i found a mouldy lasagne someone had made in the fridge
ive cleaned all the sides in the prep room
im gonna do the office next
so i am slowly getting round it all
and people have said how good it looks lately ^^
lunch time came and i cant say i was fussed about eating
but i had had a headache the whole of yesterday and i think that was down to not eating
and i knew i would have to try it just so i could the hypnotherapist id tried it
but i felt bad leaving jack alone with julia
also i didnt want to look rude
but jack said - in front of julia - you going out for lunch today then jo *hint hint go eat your lunch in your car jo*
damn him >.>
so i went and did that
i came back and had bad anorexic thoughts cus id eaten lunch and thought i was like 20 stone for doing so i only got a bit of stomach ache so i guess on some level it did relax me and i was able to eat. but this leaves me with a lil problem
im gonna have to go eat by myself for a few lunch times now :/
and jack obviously knows my issues and is fine
julia does not
and avoiding her on our only break together could look rude
and id be leaving the two of them together but they seem to get alone fine
so i think tomorrow im just gonna have a little word to her about me and what i need to do for a little while just so she doesnt get the wrong idea about me
we gotta work together as a team at the end of the day and i dont want it to look like i have an issue with her or with jack.
dont wanna look a jerk basically
i came home and got my Ozwald out straight away
id missed him
he'd missed me~
so cuddles and brew was needed and a bit of food as i didnt eat much at lunch
i wanted to dance but dad was home :/
so i packed my stuff away from jack's
looked at a few things online but soon got bored of being on my laptop
so i had a shower and dinner
then my brother and dad went out (not together)
so i decided to dance and do some yoga for an hour
felt better for it
now just doing my diary and getting stuff ready for 6:15am tomorrow
got yoga tomorrow as well
i finished my new avatar the other day
its cute
and i used it as a banner for facebook as i dont think ive changed mine since i got facebook back in 2014 so that looks fresher
Evening~~
I didn't go over to jack's
he didnt text til 8:50pm and i had already made my decision i wasnt gonna go over
i had had a mini melt down, lost a few tears
but like the sun, i rise again
i pick myself up and i keep going
and decided i could do it alone i didnt need to rely on others
so i spent the evening doing what I wanted to do
screw everyone
it did let me finish the new banner i decided to do for facebook and i also made a new avatar out of it too, not bad i guess and gives me something different to look at
jack was a lil surprised that i didnt stay over
but meh he'll live im sure
i didnt sleep well
sick of dreaming about fighting pirates!
i had to get up in the night as well annoyingly
just cus i was aching and my mind was going a mile a minute
this morning i was awake before my alarm
i woke up thinking "is this what morning sickness feels like?"
cus my god did i feel sick!
i felt tired but knew i had to start my day 6:15am
i got up for a shower and began my day really
i said bye to mum and she hugged me before i left
jack and the new technician - julia - were already there
making tea, jack offered me tea, something that has never happened before
but i guess hes gotta be good in front of new person
i got straight stuck into my job no messing and even ended up doing some of jack's job too as he was too busy getting julia sorted
after the first hour passed i went upstairs to them and said
"ahh ive been on my own all morning, so lonely"
jack turned round and said "go clean a fridge"
....
did he really just say that to me
it actually stung a little bit considering he'd barely spoke to me, knew how i was feeling about starting full time and had basically got on with mine and his work
i turned round and left
i basically spent the whole day working alone
as he was going on and on at julia until in the end i actually said to him
"jack you havent shut up all morning, give the poor woman a break i bet her head is spinning theres no way shes gonna take all this in"
julia said "its ok just dont expect me to remember it all"
jack just glared at me
jerk
actually he was a right arse hole all day
like the week off we had had he had stored up all this need to lord over people
i got all my work done and helped with his and julias
i did not stop
id hate to think how many steps i did today
i managed tho and head of science asked how i was getting off
a few people noticed that it was clean in the prep room and i told them id been in to clean they said it was best its looked in a long time ^^
i had a few dull bits in the day
and it felt like a long day too i think its cus im up so early and i just dont stop
4pm came and i said i was leaving
jack said he was waiting for julia i said "you do that"
i think there was only one part today for a few minutes he was 'normal' and that was when we were totally alone.
he made me plant cress as well with seeds from 2006 i said "these are dead they wont grow"
he still made me plant them >.>
then washing up came in and i said "ahhh is that physics washing up i see? its certainly not biology thats for sure"
jack - physics
jo - biology
julia - chemistry
he said "no its chemistry actually and youre cleaning it"
i said "im not cleaning it its not my job and what you gonna do?"
he said "make you do it cus im your boss"
what an absolute arse hole
honestly today i think i came close to headbutting the guy
proper lording his weight round >.>
guess it is weird working and dating
and it did make me second guess things today
but its first day and i still want to be with him
i just dont want him being a total jerk
not heard from him and i aint txting him
i ate breakfast biscuits for my lunch which gave me bad stomach pains
like eating knife bits
lunch is not worth it it would seem so i had stomach ache for the remainder of my shift
probably just drink hot chocolate tomorrow
i came home and mum made me a brew
i had a yogurt and stuff
and just died on the sofa with Oz
i havent exercised as of yet
not gonna dance ill probably just do some yoga
then maybe do some drawing
tomorrow its school again
think were getting like every single chemical out the cupboard and doing a stock check i can not wait to see what we uncover and at least i wont be left alone all day, hopefully anyway
other news
today is the 21st birthday of my youngest cousin!!!
my god i can remember when she was diddy and cute well she still is cute
but yeah i sent her a hoodie and made her a card
she came out with the news today shes 'gender fluid' never heard of the term before but hey if thats what she is then cool with me
i hope she has a great year
Evening~~
I slept well last night
I even slept again IN my bed in stead of ON it ^^ doing well with sleep
i got up at 9am tho >< guess i needed to the sleep
slept for 11 hours
this morning I got to work on my quilt basically
as that bugger was getting finished today whether it liked it or not
mum and dad popped out and i decided to seize the moment and dance
despite my leg hurting i wanted to dance
so i did my half hour and was sweating and panting
it was humid today and never stopped raining but even so the hayfever was high today
my god not been able to breathe all sodding day!
it has rained all day too so i havent been out
iv worked on my quilt which is easily the worst quilt ive ever made
its so not neat
but meh it gave me something to do i guess and used up scraps
i did get it finished thank god
it will do i guess
i laid on my bed a bit i think i was starting to get anxious about tomorrow
i managed to eat my dinner but as soon as i had i wanted to bring it all back up
my god i feel so sick
i hugged mum and told her i was anxious and felt sick
she reassured me id be fine
i just know its a hurdle ive got to get over
i lost a few tears just cus my head is a mess and didnt know what to do with myself
i was suppose to sleep over at jack's tonight and go to work with him on my first day
but considering its 8pm and i havent heard from him all day
i cant be bothered with it all
ill get by, by myself and stay home tonight
just need to knuckle down and get on with something to distract my mind
might draw or something
so yeah life changes for Jozu tomorrow
as i will begin full time work
i hope i will be ok
im getting up at 6:15am for a shower and got to leave the house at 7:30am
i hope i sleep tonight tonight
ive set an alarm ready, i will be waking up to Passpo's Truly
anyway wish me luck
Evening~~
I'm home from Birmingham!
A city i have never been too~~
So yesterday I got up and ready and went to Jacks for 9:30am
safe to say he wasnt ready and was still having breakfast...
still our train wasnt until 11am so i wasnt stressing at him
i know my presence motivates him, as he, and I quote "dont want to die" XD
we got the train just fine
and arrived in birmingham
it was certainly a bigger city centre than mine!
my god it was big, i mean ive been london and thats another world
but this place was just big really
we looked round shops and found a really cheap market
so i picked up shed loads of nail varnish
then a metre of bunny fabric for £2, hair bows £1 each, hair clip for 70p
just really cheap. We found the legendary Tokyo Toys shop
well i found it as jack was too busy playing pokemon go
so he brought his first ever plush, a Snorlax
and i got an anime wristband i dont like "Free" but i liked the wrist band
we found a park and walked round that
we had tea, toastie, white chocolate crepe, bubble tea during the day
i was quite done in simply because i was having knee issues....
yep my knee isnt right
and i sat on a wall and swung it and put my finger on the joint and could feel it slotting in and out i let jack feel and he was seriously freaked out and said "why didnt you say it was THAT bad!?" how are you not in more pain!?" i was like "its fine honestly, besides if it was you, you'd want to keep going right?" he said "yeah but id be complaining a lot more"
i took a load of painkillers from a chemist and kept going but i could tell it wasnt right
we eventually found the bloody bus stop for his nan's house
and got off the hot noisy bus and walked to his nan's
she was like there waiting for us XD
it was so nice of her to let us stay cus i mean ive only met her once!
one of the first things she said was "theres two rooms, you can share with jack or have you own room i dont mind what you do"
i replied with "wow. if that was my gran id have to be married to jack for at least 10 years before id be allowed to share a room with him"
she thought i had found it offensive but i wasnt offended i was simply impressed that she was able to move on with the times instead of my old fashioned grandparents
she was apologising and stuff bless her XD
we had a tea and jack made me ice pack my leg >.>
hated drawing attention to myself like that but his nan was like "he just cares" >.> still
we waited for his family to show up so we could get to the social club where the party was taking place that evening
they pulled up and i could tell when they were in as his sisters are so noisy XD
we arrived at the social club and my god, the amount of people that had gathered for this aunt's 60th birthday was immense
i cant tell you how many people i was introduced to do
it was insane
i mean who even has 3rd cousins!? i have COUSINS not 3RD cousins
there must have been easily over 50 people there
i was just drinking water as i wasnt bothered about drinking but jack's dad had ordered me, rather randomly, a gin and tonic. never had that before. i drank it
i spoke to his eldest cousin who has known him since he was born
and she was amazing so was her husband
i went outside a few times
cus it was so freaking noisy in there and warm
jack introduced me and everyone was really nice and i heard the phrase "your punching above your weight arent you?" more than a few times XD god knows what hopes they had for jack's love life
and i wasnt bored exactly it was more a case of being tired and not knowing how to be around it all. ive never had to experience any of that. i can count my family members on my fingers and we never ever have parties or anything. so it was all so different for me
one time i walked out to find out jack's nan's friend leaving she was elderly and i talked to her for a bit and then i walked to her to her car as it was dark and im a good citizen like that
i came round the corner and jack was there and asked me where id been i told him i helped an old lady to her car but he found that suspicious and didnt believe me XD
my head was a bit of a mess and i was so tired and my leg was killing me
but i never once complained
i just kept taking breathers
sometimes jack came to find me but i kinda didnt want him to trouble himself over me
his mum found me and asked if i was alright then his nan came and his mum walked off leaving his nan to say probably the most harrowing thing of the night
"thats your potential mother in law and im your potential grandmother in law. life doesnt get any worse than that does it?" i about fell through the floor
ive only met her twice, ive been going out with jack 3 months now! talk about jump the gun
i played around with his sisters and spoke to people
it was a good evening just tiring
it finished thank god at 12:30pm
we got a lift from jacks step dad to his nans
his nan went straight to bed
i on the other hand had other plans
ice pack, pain killers, and wanting to die
i was horrific pain
jack asked if he could help but he couldnt really
we got ready for bed i chose to share a room with him
a room with 2 single beds
i had to borrow a pair of jacks pajamas as i had forgotten mine...
they were soooo comfy tho ^^
i told jack what his nan said about being my future grandmother in law he could not believe she had said that and was like "thanks nan thanks for wrecking my relationship" i just laughed. he was like "i guess youll be leaving me now youve seen all that, all that embarrassment. can you see why i didnt want to you to meet my family?" bless him he was worried. and seemed to think id run a mile
to be honest a lot of people at the party said how well i was doing with it all and found it weird why i wasnt running away XD
i climbed into my bed, cold and aching
he said to come over to his bed but i said its a single, no room and im fidgeting
in the end i went over for a warm and fell asleep
next thing i knew it was morning and he was in the other bed!
i slept so well i didnt even notice him leaving!
we were both tired
and had breakfast then said bye to his nan and went back to birmingham city centre
he got up google maps to find the train station i told him to put it away as i knew the way he was surprised by that and envied my confidence
i found the way easily
i have such a good sense of direction for some reason
we got the train home which was awful as there was a stag due on our coach and they were so loud, drinking and saying the F word in every sentence
i almost got up and said "there are kids on this coach you know" but i couldnt be bothered to waste my breath on them
we got back to nottingham and to jack's
i left him playing pokemon go with theo whilst i sorted stuff out then i came home
i got home and showered and got in my pajamas despite it being 3:30pm
i just thought "sod it im tired and pleasing no one"
i have been working on my quilt since, spending time with Oz and talking with mum
just tired
might do a bit of dancing in my room tho
my knee is bad....i am concerned as it feels more like my ligaments than joints
and its the leg i tore my ligament in years ago
ill see how it goes
tomorrow i am working on and hopefully finishing the quilt
to say i was only making it to use up my scraps it certainly has taken time and money!
bloody thing
and i might draw
then im sleeping at jacks as it will be the first of my new shifts
im glad i have met jack's family i mean theres still technically more to meet as i havent met his dad or brother or half siblings
everyone really liked me and his cousin even sent a text saying how nice i was ^^
guess its another milestone done
dont know if he will ever meet the other 4 members of my family
when people at the party asked "so do you come from a big family?" and i reply "theres 8 of us" everyone was really surprised. we are a dying breed i guess XD
glad ive done it tho
i enjoyed it
even if it was a lil daunting
Evening~~
currently i have yellow skin under my eyes
and a rash growing on my right wrist....
what has Jo been doing? whats up with me? XD
I went to bed at 9:30pm
I was shattered
woke up at 11:30pm for a wee >>
then at 2:30am feeling sick so i got up for a couple of hours
i was playing pokemon and watching some incredible dances
my god i wish i could move like that
it makes what i learn just plain childish!
i got up at 8:30am after I returned to bed at 4:30am
this morning I danced
only for about 20mins as i knew i had a fair bit to do today
i showered and went to school
was weird being in school when its empty
i saw Alicia and a science teacher
i stayed 3 hours doing loads
my god i was sweating my face off i was working so hard trying to get stuff done
and i didnt get everything done i wanted to!
i havent told jack yet i went in
i came home and had a salad for for lunch at 2pm
then i pretty much went pain clinic
it was go go go today
pain clinic, i saw a woman i saw last march
shes good and knows what shes talking about
we talked about various things
shes gonna try get me to see a physiotherapist about my hyper mobility syndrome but that could take up to 10 weeks, shes gonna try and get me in with the same woman i saw last year to talk about medication. and shes gonna see me again in the summer holidays to see how im doing once i start full time work. so not a total waste of time i guess
really couldnt be bothered to go tho!
i was a whole hour
i came in and sorted through stuff i need to take with me tomorrow
choosing my evening wear and stuff
gonna go cute stylish i think and hopefully not look like a teenager XD
jack says its all good as long as i look older than his teenage sisters who are 13 and 15 XD
i havent really texted him today
he text to say he was able to pick up the train tickets i ordered
so at least thats done
i changed my bed too
im gonna try tonight to sleep in my bed not on top of it
i chose a design to paint on my nails tonight too
and then i went to yoga
it wasnt karen! O:
it was a lady i hadnt seen before she was alright actually
and i did quite well
i just had to come home and ice pack my knee
cus my god it was not feeling great
i got another japanese hair clip in the post
from Daiso the same as the other one
cute isnt it and came with free nail stickers!
tomorrow~
im getting up at 7:30am
getting myself showered and pretty and seeing Oz
then im heading over to jack's were will take the train to birmingham
ive never been birmingham city centre
were catching a bus to his nan's and dropping our stuff off
then going back to city centre for a wonder then back to his nan's to get ready for this aunt's 60th birthday party. go there were i will meet loads and loads of relatives apparently
then sleep at his nan's
catch the train back home at 11am
boom
done
im gonna be knackered!
