Evening
Bit earlier tonight as Im off to jack's in a bit
Could not sleep again....again up til 2am!!
so frustrating
I couldnt switch off my brain just thinking about stuff that doesnt matter at midnight
then i scratch
i scratch when im stressed and or anxious
its a horrible habit one i do even in my sleep!
so i starting scratching and as weird as it sounds i can just keep scratching despite the pain cus its a different pain to my everyday fibromylgia pain i like to feel a different pain and tune into that instead my 'normal' pain. I suppose a bit like self harmers
so i ended up getting up before i bled in my pyjamas
i played disgaea and ate a couple of biscuits then went to bed at 2am
today i got up and walked to the corner shop with mum
it was empty no milk no bread no nothing really
so we walked home with nothing
we got back and i trimmed truffs's fur
she wasnt very good at being still so its not the best job i have done on her
then we bathed them later on cus they were minging
i mean truffs was bloody grey she was that gross
truffs had her freedom fight in the bath and her claws are sharp so she literally cut my wrists open
it didnt hurt really but i dont know why shes being so feisty today
so now theyre like fluffy toys
i danced for 20mins which i enjoyed
then i showered
i did some more of manga picture
just water coloured it so it has the base colour now
now i have 1000s of dots to do....
im hoping it works
its an idea i had in my head so a bit of an experiment really
i had lunch and went to bed
i was shattered
woke up and made some biscuits woooo
ive been sitting with oz as well today
did a bit of online shopping too, just house stuff for next year cus i have the time to actually browse the world of ebay
i might take pictures of all my goodies when they arrive.
tonight i am staying at jacks
i know that doesnt classify as self isolating but i think id know if jack was sick what with him having asthma so i think i am safe and i miss him and he sounds like hes had a week of it so i wanna make him happy^^ im taking my sketch book to work in as i dont think we will be going out much really. and theres only so much i can play on my switch!
thats it really
oh i got this in the post, its a new cushion cover about 40cm and i won it for £3!! its so cute
its for my house next year
Evening~~
Did not sleep well
i mean i know i slept a fair bit during the day but i couldnt switch off
i had a million things going through my head
so at 12:30am i got up and played on disgaea for a bit
then i had a hot chocolate whilst watching calming live jpop songs
ahhhh Kalafina is good for the lonely soul in the early hours of the morning~
I didnt even sleep that well when i went to bed at 2am!
woke up loads -_______-
i woke up at 7am and crawled into mums bed as dad was already up as usual
it was nice crawling into bed with her
but i can never stay long as i ache
jack knows this XD hence why we never get to lay in together
anyway this morning i saw my girls and things
it is weird being at home, but not being allowed out ether...
i was so tired all god damn day
like didnt matter what i ate or how much i ate i got no energy
so ive slept a lot
i did go out for a walk cus i needed air
i sat and drew this in about 10mins or so
im gonna work on it more tomorrow
its shana from shakugan no shana
spoke to jack on the phone for 40mins tonight
seeing how he is and how school is
its all kicked off
its amazing the damage this virus is doing
like seriously
cant wait for it to blow over
tomorrow i am gonna work on my picture more and hopefully see jack~
Oz has been enjoying having me home tho X3
ive been buying stuff online too~
woo for online shopping which im surprised is still happening!
Evening
Didn't sleep well due to being a bit stressed
i know i have been stressed and anxious about school
ive been scratching in my sleep again so my skin is sore -_____-
I got to school and as usual on a wednesday there is staff meeting
but being lowly technicians, we never attend
but science teachers came back and said that basically
"what the head master said today was that, if you have any health issues, to go see him"
so a few science staff went off to see him
a bit later 2 came back confirming they would be sent home due to health issues and being at risk with the virus, well more at risk anyway
jack said I should go talk to the head teacher...
i didnt want to cus i dont like drawing attention to myself
but orders are orders
so i went down to his office and told him whats what
and he said "so how is your immune system then?"
i said "weak due to having an auto immune disease, many illnesses on top which stresses my body out further so it takes me a while to kick any viruses"
he said "no debate you are to go home"
and that was that
so reluctantly i walked back to the prep room to tell jack
he wasnt surprised, to be honest i wasnt, i just didnt want it confirmed
i didnt want to leave him. that would be both me and julia not there to help him
he said he would be fine and is cancelling all practicals
i told him the biology ones were going ahead today as i have prepped them
he was fine with that
i still didnt want to go tho
it was only 9:30am! and i was leaving
i didnt even get to say bye to any staff cus they were all teaching....
i got home and mum was home so i had a brew with her and filled her in
im to stay home 'self isolate' which i think is stupid when you live with people
and i get full pay, so im not complaining, its not taken out of my holidays or sick time
and they will let me know when i can come back
mum was happy to have me home of course and she and dad have both been worried for me
so i think theyre kinda relieved im home safe
today i spent a lot of the time sleeping
i have been exhausted but i think its cus i have been stressed
doesnt half take it out on my body
so i slept
did 50mins of yoga and dance, should have recorded myself it was a good sesh XD
had a shower as i got sweaty
went back to bed ><
researched online home crafts anything i wanna do kinda thing
and yeah about it
rang jack to see if hes ok
and he survived the day
i think he basically told the teachers to sod off XD
he was making sure chemicals were safe
i need him to kill my e.coli too
it feels weird being at home i dont feel settled somehow and i told him that
and i told him im missing him and wanna see him at the weekend
he seems alright tho
tomorrow i guess i will please myself
no yoga ether tomorrow
i wanna do some drawing maybe, need to practice dances as i bet i could get some recorded really
evening
didnt sleep well despite having a nice relaxing evening last night
last night i discovered that the convention has been postponed til june.................
you what!!??
i was looking forward to that damn it!!!
all cus of this damn virus
and whats more is that we got a txt from karen last night saying shes shutting her yoga studio down for a while cus of the virus
hope you're happy china >.>
all the good things taken away from me
and you know
im still at work!!!!!
why are we still at school!?
seems so damn unfair >.>
i drove to work and got to work 15mins early...the roads were oddly quiet
think its cus people are self isolating and working from home
i got to school and julia rang up - shes not coming it
not coming in for 2 weeks...
what!?
julia is never not in, whats the crack!?
her daughter is coughing and high temperature and new guidelines state if someone in your household is showing these symptoms you have to stay at home for 2 weeks -____-
so thats julia gone
i was stressing as theres normally so much chemistry going off
she told me to be careful
a lot of staff kept asking "you alright Jo?" "should you be in Jo?"
how do i know? i feel fine and i want to continue as normally if i can
also it says on the govenment website that if you have underlining health issues to stay at home. but doesnt actually list what health issues. are we talking asthma or cancer here?
do i stay home or not?
ether way im staying to support jack
who was very stressed what with having julia off
so today has been full on running around im shattered
and survived off a lot of sugar 0.0
i got home early cus i started work early
i had a brew with Oz and mum and nearly went to bed afterwards but somehow stayed awake
and even pushed myself to go for a walk which i sorta enjoyed
i havent done much else really
got my physio exercises to do but cant say i can be bothered to do em >.>
but i will i guess
tomorrow its school
i mostly stay at jacks on a wednesday but i cant be bothered
he did ask but i managed to politely put him off saying he will probably be tired and grouchy after work what with all the work that needs to be done
mainly checking no chemicals will explode if were off school for a while
it sadly means as well i will have to kill my e.coli ><
i like my bacteria its done well ^^
anyway this damn virus best shut the school
i want time off damn it seeing as it taken everything else away from me
i cant moan
others have it much much worse
just annoying all this mass hysteria and panic buying and the fact its all people can talk about, i say all this but you watch it will be me who gets it XD
I'm back
couldnt be bothered to do my diary basically!
so last week I had my blood test
did not pass out but felt my heart stutter which was strange
but it was good on me for not passing out
I have since had my results and all is well
i didnt really want to go to hospital for further tests what with the virus around, i dont want to catch it or put any more stress on doctors so im leaving any further testing
the doctor said he'd refer me if i pass out again tho
so fair enough
my weekend was spent at jack's
it was nice
i went shopping really on saturday
not that i got anything amazing
i did however get a new stitch plushie ^^
hes in an easter bunny suit and was reduced from £20 to £12 ^^
i came home each day tho to see Oz
and sunday i had Oz in my room which he loved ^^
i like to make sure he knows hes loved and wanted
about it really
cant really be bothered to report in on my week
today school was alright
hard work as it usually is despite me not having any practicals
i felt a bit stressed about work tho
thursday i came home 90mins early as i felt if i continued i was going to faint
so i left for home
as soon as i walked through the door i cried
id had enough basically
and i was stressed over the weekend thinking how im gonna get through work
i was getting so wound up by it i was hearing noises - tunes
which is part of psychosis and it acts up on me when i get stressed
it even woke me a few times as i felt i could hear things even whilst asleep!
today at work i kept hearing tunes
does my head in
even when i play music i can hear them >.>
i brought flowers for mum this weekend
as next weekend is mother's day and i have the convention so i'll be too dead to buy flowers
well i hope we have convention depends on this bloody corona virus
sick of hearing about it
does my head in
and the panic buying is actually boardline crazy
like its the end of the world
1000s of people die of flu each year but we dont rave about that >.>
anyway moving on
tomorrow just school really
nothing amazing
convention best still be on this weekend
Evening
I slept pretty well
I couldnt be bothered today tho if im honest
school was hard work
just cus i felt so crap
i actually got to work questioning myself if i had taken the right dosage
i felt so dizzy and sick
took til 1pm to actually feel okish
so all day i was slogging it, it was hard
and having to sort the lungs out...i could have been sick
think i felt my self pale at that
wasnt in the mood for that
the last 2 hours of the day were spent helping julia with the washing up
i had other stuff to do too
i quizzed jack on when he was booking his driving
he is putting it off and off
if i get in tomorrow and he still hasnt done anything about it
then thats Jo out, thats me done
i can only try so much til i go beyond wanting to help
i have little energy and im not wasting it
i got home and sat with Oz
then i made some biscuits which was nice
then i did 40mins of yoga
played on disgaea for a bit and had dinner
now im gonna do my physio exercises
god tomorrow i do not want to come....
i have that god awful mega blood test
ill happily trade places with anyone
i feel like crying thats how bad i dont want to go
still at least i get a lay in!
my blood test is at 10:30am
then once i recover i will be going to work
then sleeping over at jack's hopefully
just dont wanna go T^T
Evening
I slept pretty well but everytime i woke up I was sweating
and it wasnt even a hot night
I couldnt be bothered to go school tho i have to say....
i did feel dizzy most of the day for some reason
school was alright tho
pretty quiet for me as i didnt have a practical on
the most i had to do was do microscopes
i finished a display, i drew isaac newton and the teacher loved it
i got a call from occupational health
saying i will have an hour's telephone appointment on 26th march
ugh what joy that will be!
mum texted too to say she had booked me for a blood test on wednesday...
dear god life is cruel
sick of being a pin cushion >.>
i hate appointments
i just want my body to be normal and function
mum even booked me a phone call appointment with doctor a week after my results so i know then whether i need to be referred or not
i got home and saw the girls and Oz
ended up dozing off a bit with Oz under my arm
he was so warm soft and fluffy
he ended up licking my nose to wake me up XD
i had dinner then went on my laptop for a bit
not that ive looked at anything interesting
might do some dancing next
dont wanna go tomorrow
got lung dissection and the last of the bacteria
then i have got to grow my own bacteria for my own storage as mine will soon die
about it really
