going to work tomorrow

 Evening

I picked jack up yesterday around 10:45am

we went round a town and picked a few things up and did a walk

then we got back and made a soup from scratch

then went round the city centre cus we needed a few bits

came back and rested with a brew cus my god my mood went haywire

i felt angry, aggressive and like i could enjoy a good fight

god knows where it came from, jack asked "have you had your medication today?" XD

i told him i had and that i wasnt angry with him or anything

but by time he made me a brew and brought over some biscuits

i chilled out to my usual self

we made dinner and talked with theo then jack desired something salty so we popped to the shops for a bag of crisps XD

we played pokemon together on his bed which was nice

that night tho i couldnt sleep

jack had decided to put ear phones in to go to sleep with

so when he said "wake me if you cant sleep" it did make things hard

i didnt want to make him jump as he was clearly sleeping

i stroked his arm, his back, his side. nothing worked over a few minutes

i moved on the bed and got off the bed and he still didnt stir so i left him

i played pokemon upstairs by myself til 1am

i did manage to sleep after that but didnt want to wake up this morning

i got up at 7:30am

jack said he had a strange dream of going to his mum's but didnt know why he had gone there so came back and there was a different USB on his desk when he got back....

....

my god his dreams are boring

i said my dream was 'sitting on a double decker bus and watching people's gardens go by who all designed them to a tribute of the dead. I went down to see the driver - which was granny i asked her "how come youre driving a bus!?" and a thin pale man came up to me and said "this bus is for the dead only...but we can soon change that" he had a scalpel as his weapon, it was what he had used to end his own life. so he was cutting me everywhere and i couldnt hurt him as he was a ghost. I decided the only way i could stop him was to become a vengeful spirit so i somehow took my own life and became a ghost and chased after him by going through buildings etc'

jack said "....yeah your dreams are weird"

i said "are they weird or are yours just incredibly boring?"  

 I got up and ran a bath

enjoyed that, and we were out for 8:50am

to meet theo (who had been to the gym) and Pudding Pantry

an amazing pudding place!

my jaw was and still is very painful

so i needed something easy to eat. jack wouldnt let me have ice cream for breakfast tho XD

i had pancakes but ate 3 out of 4 and gave one to theo

as jack had ordered a massive breakfast that he finished but felt incredibly full afterwards

we went back to his flat and crashed on his bed

he needed to digest and i needed sleep

i didnt bother eating lunch just had a cup of tea then i came home

saw my Ozwald who decided to snore on the sofa X3

did 30mins of yoga and 30 mins of dance and actually felt better for it all

i dont  mind working out if i feel better for it

its just annoying when i try so hard and dont get anything from it

showered and sat with Oz again

i will sit with him one more time then go jacks

i sorted out some crap as well, as its got to be done at some point

when i move out i have it all to sort after all :/ 

ordered a few vitamins online to take, started taking them a while ago and i do think they have helped actually so im keen to keep with them

tonight i am going over to jack's

he has got harvey over and theyre gonna play pokemon and order takeaway

so hopefully i will see harvey

then tomorrow ugh tomorrow im going to work >.> 

suppose i had to go sooner than later 

we are going to get stuff out for PAT testing and just tidy up a bit 

to be honest im not even 100% sure i will be doing tomorrow but i have 37 hours to do out of my normal hours and i gotta start them at some point ><

i will go back to jacks for a brew then i can come home and see Ozwald

about it really~

Just another monday

 Evening

to say i didnt sleep during the day, i could not sleep at night

how unfair is that >.> it was raining and cool so i should have been able to get off no problem

but noooo

to be honest i was cold, my toes were like ice cubes i couldnt feel them

i got up and went downstairs for a bit, had some cereal 2 bowls as i was hungry cus i didnt eat much dinner, i started doing the pokemon league as well. went to bed at 1am

slept from there and woke up at 8:30am

this morning i did some yoga and then went for a walk

i would have danced but dad delayed himself going to work to fix a plumping issue in the house and looking at a neighbours car engine

so i couldnt really dance

the walk took and hour and i was sweating afterwards

i came in and mum was home so we had a brew

i bleached my eyebrows they now match my hair XD proper blond haha

and had a shower and then a tea cake for lunch

i can eat a lot better today i just still have pain going down my jaw but i can clamp it together without agonising pain, so its getting there

i fell asleep as i had dosed myself quite heavily as i wasnt in the mood for pain today

woke up and sat with Oz in front of the fan, it wasnt massively hot but the sun was on his hutch and he just loves sitting in front of that fan

i was looking at interior design really on my laptop and ideas of what to paint on my nails tonight

had dinner then died of stomach pains for over an hour. just really really hurt

think theres something wrong with my stomach to be honest but im not going to the doctors unless i am dying. 

im gonna do my nails tonight :) 

tomorrow me and jack are going into a town, we were originally going to go to the bank there and set up a joint account but when i rang the bank today to enquire they said i didnt need to go in branch i could do it all over the phone or online so yeah thats gonna make life easier

but think we will still go to the town as its something to do and we can incorporate a walk into it too

not sure what we're doing the rest of the day to be honest but im staying over at his 

i'll be back wednesday afternoon

hopefully Oz wont pine too much 

probably wont sleep tonight given how much i have slept during the day today...woops

been 18 months

 Evening

I went over to Jack's around 8pm last night

he had been out drinking - heavily - the night before so I wasnt in a rush to head over

as i knew he wouldnt be in a good way XD

When i saw him, he was really dark under the eyes and looked rough

he had been up til 5am, drunk half a bottle of vodka, few gins, few ciders 

and hes hasnt been drinking for months

think it hit him quite hard

he also did something very very stupid which he told me not to 'freak out' about before he told me

basically in his drunken state he decided to try and climb his balcony from the pavement

i cant even touch his balcony from the pavement and hes not that much taller than me

so it was just stupid

and i could tell he must have been incredibly drunk to try this as its not safe and goes against his very nature to do unsafe acts

he had tried, failed, and rolled onto the pavement in his shorts and t-shirt

so he grazed his hands and got deep grazes on his knee caps that are now starting to bruise also

i was not impressed and didnt shout at him or anything but i did say once he lifted his shorts up to show the evidence

"ok jack and now what if i had done that?"

he said "yeah....i wouldnt have been very happy. probably how youre feeling now"

i said "we're suppose to moving out soon, what would have happened if you had broke your leg? you wouldnt be much help to me would you"

he said "i know, yeah youre right. it was stupid. i know"

i thought 'im so having this' XD

"and what would have happened if you had hit your head and ended up in hospital and i had found out you were in hospital?"

he hugged me and apologised for like the thousandth time

in all honesty i wasnt mad, i just thought he'd been an idiot and was glad he was alright

theo came in with his work friend and we sat talking for a bit

then he left and i went on jack's bed

did my tens machine and just rested really

took me til about midnight to actually sleep cus i was struggling to get comfy but once i was actually asleep i did sleep through til 8:30am

i got jack up which was a real effort XD

today marks our 18 month anniversary - feels so much longer 0.0

we had breakfast which was cereal and i managed it with my dodgey jaw

i had a bath, and my god was it a hot bath, my skin glew pink~~~~

i felt dizzy in the bath and my heart felt like it was pounding out my chest

but the pain of literally cooking my skin was a welcome change to my usual pain

psychotic i know, as i was essentially poaching my skin XD

i didnt feel good so knew i should get out, i shouted jack cus he told me to get him if im dizzy in the bath so i dont faint when getting out (he worries too much)

but he had the fan on in the bedroom so he couldnt hear me

so i got out slowly but my god my vision was blurring so i quickly made it into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed jack was like "you ok!? whats up?" i said "hot jack and very dizzy"

he said "you should have said"

i said "i shouted but you couldnt hear"

he looked so sad and guilty XD

we went round the shops as its his younger sister's 15th birthday today

and jack being jack, forgot

so once again i was helping him get bday presents 

i know she loves make-up and beauty and korean stuff

so i told him TK MAXX usually has korean face sheets in

we managed to get korean face sheets, lip masks, and shoulder massage pad things

i think she will really like those presents

i was dead happy as we found a glass pumpkin in there and we've brought it for the kitchen windowsil for the bungalow, i think its beautiful but then i do have a fetish for pumpkins

halloween stuff is starting to come in and i LOVE it ^^

we came back and had soup which i was grateful of- needs very little chewing XD

after lunch we sorted out surveyors 

jack gave them all the details and paid almost £500 for it all ><

he insisted tho as ive been paying for the stuff for the house lately

then we sorted out jacks wardrobe well his clothes really as so many are from his uni days - 10 years ago, and so are faded, rough, have holes in

and it annoys me -____- dresses likes a 40 year old man - his friends words not mine XD

so we threw out 2 bin liners full of clothes and a big carrier bag of underwear

he has been buying clothes since hes been with me so he could afford to throw some away

its all less to pack up and unpack when he does move

i know i have stuff to sort out

he says he has other stuff to sort out

he treated me to ice cream which was cookies and cream flavour

it was sooo good but made me cold

i came home cus i have to cus of Ozwald

got to keep him happy

also its raining today so he cant play out 

my god actual rain!

hopefully tonight it will be easier to sleep

think im seeing jack on tuesday next

we're hoping to make a joint bank account

tomorrow probably exercise

i have a craft idea in mind but unsure if i have the stuff to actually do it

Lolita christmas bows

 Evening

I had a bad night

woke up at 11:30pm, so I couldnt have been asleep for long...couldnt sleep so i had to get up but i usually have cereal in the night, cus of my jaw i did struggle to eat them to be honest so i didnt enjoy them cus it was a real effort to actually eat them. After returning to bed i woke up literally every hour

so i felt knackered this morning when i got up at 7:30am

me and mum did an hour's walk which was hard work to be honest

i came back and did 15mins of yoga but couldnt face doing much else so had a shower

i hadnt had breakfast as i couldnt face more pain but i did try to eat a bit of cereal when i came in

i had left over pasta bake for lunch, which wasnt too bad as the pasta had gone quite soft 

i slept this afternoon, i had had enough of being in pain

its just been so relentless lately

i was reduced to silent tears today cus i couldnt cope any longer

and what with my jaw

i had soup for dinner and tried breaking up tiny bits of bread and putting it in the soup to go soft and soggy and i just about managed that

ive been with my lad as well

he is happy and sat with truffle today, she really likes him XD

i got my bows made for the christmas i will eventually buy XD

they have wire on the back so i can tie them to the tree that way

but i think they look ok

certainly cheaper than buying them, i just sat making them whilst watching jpop dances on youtube

then i sat working on a halloween background on photoshop, i have an idea of a picture i want to do but its whether or not im good enough to do it!

tonight i should be going over to jack's but to be honest i havent heard from him for a few hours. he didnt go to bed til 5am as he was out drinking then today hes been out with friend's as harvey got his house keys yesterday on his birthday so they went to go look at his house

i havent heard from jack since 2pm so im not sure if hes fell asleep from a long night and a busy day

im not too fussed ether way i just dont like being home on sundays

i hope my jaw rights it's self soon -____-

im gonna go have a warm shower and massage it with a face roller~

Oz in front of the fan

 Evening~

I got to sleep pretty fast but woke up at 12:30 and tossed and turned trying to get to sleep, i started scratching myself so by 2am i decided to get up before i savage my skin

i stayed up for an hour, played some pokemon and did the last gym

this morning me and mum went to tk maxx

i got some leggings for work and fleece joggers for the winter ^^ mum got a few bits too so it was worth going, then we came home. i went to bed i had had enough of being in pain and it was only 11am...

i got up and made a couple of cute bows for the christmas tree

i looked into getting a sheet of glass cut for the magazine table i did, to keep it covered and safe. I was quoted £62....wow thats more than actual table! so i dont think i will be doing that any time soon...

ive had Oz in as well it wasnt that hot today but i still let him sit in front of the fan as i know he enjoys it so i took photos on mums phone of him happily sitting there

tara told me shes brought a new baby bunny and i saw a photo hes so cute, white and black and called Jasper, hes only 8 weeks old X3 i really wanna see him!

I went for a walk with mum which was hard work as the sun had come out

i did 30mins of yoga and 10mins of dance

i was done at that point and had a shower and got pyjamas on

i have struggled today as my jaw has come out of its alignment  

i still have full use of it but it hurts to open and close and to apply any pressure for example eating. i have a permanent ache in the joint and going down my face

last time it did this i had to go to a chiropractor and have it put back in and the relief was instant

im hoping it pops back into alignment soon as its another pain to deal with but makes eating hard work. it does this every now again. dont know how i get it out of place and its been cracking a lot so its not right :/ fed up

im fed up being in pain and taking so much pain relief. it sucks

tomorrow not sure what im doing

jack says theres an event at the park near him if i wanna go

but i will see how i feel to be honest 

few bargains and picking surveyors

 Evening

I went over to jack's last night

it was very warm so we didnt do a lot

i read my book and played my switch - which im so happy with! X3

jack was amazed seeing me a read a book

i said "what? i can read you know"

he said "i know, its just youre so quiet and i think its the first time i have seen you read a book before. its strange" how rude >.> its a book about psychopaths so i suppose no scene with me is 'normal' XD

i managed to get off to sleep

but woke up at 3am and found the bed empty i had a quick panic of 'where is he?'

i checked and could see the light on in the toilet so left him to it

but i felt very sick

he came to the bedroom and said "sorry did i wake you?"

i said "i dont think so i just panicked when you werent there for some reason"

he said he had had a nightmare of which he had to bury his family, he got up and went to check the windows and doors were locked. so maybe he had woken me up after all by plodding around. who knows but i was awake and now needed to get up

he got up with me we had hot chocolate and biscuits

then i fell back to sleep and we got up at 9am

we had breakfast

then looked over his driving pages, as he had got his 3rd lesson at 12pm

so i helped him with that - that week's topic was roundabouts

then we had a look at surveyors as we need the bungalow surveying 

it was time for jack to go i could see he was nervous, well it was easy to tell by how long he was spending in the bathroom and several times bless him

he left me with his flat keys

i decided to use the opportunity to go shopping by myself~

i managed to get a jacket reduced from £20 to £5 and skirt of the same reduction and price

then underwear reduced too~ that was just simple sale bargains

i didnt need anything really it was just nice to look round by myself

i got back with 10mins to spare before jack came back

me and theo watched him pull up X3

i let him inside and made him a coffee and got the soup ready for lunch as it was gone 2pm

we sorted a bit more of the surveyor work out we think we know who we want to go with, i have left it with jack to sort as everything is in his name and he wants to pay for the surveyor also

we fell asleep on the bed after that

it has been a lot cooler today thank bloody god

but still a bit warmer but way more bearable 

i left for home at 5pm

saw my Ozwald who has been grumpy today and wrecked his cage.....damn him >.>

sorted out my stuff and thats about it really

had dinner, 30mins of yoga and had a shower

i have had a splitting headache all day which i have been determined to get on with

but yeah my head frigging hurts i have even drank loads to try shift it

nothing has helped

it will be gone tomorrow i am sure

tomorrow

mum is on about going to tk maxx in the morning so i might join her

then do my exercise routine

then make some christmas decorations~

Pikachu Hamster wall hanging

Afternoon

I could not sleep

so I got up for a bit, had cereal and pain killers - the usual

and managed to sleep after that

had a dream I had ADHD, a lot of plushies were on the floor when i woke up

guessing i was moving around a lot in my sleep...

I walked for an hour this morning

then i helped mum unpack the shopping

she wanted to do a walk so i went with her for 30mins

had a brew when i came in and then did 30mins of yoga

so i have already done my 2 hour exercise by midday!

done in!

i had a much needed shower then sat with a cold face sheet on with cucumber on my eyes

in front of the fan it was really good ^^

jack is currently on his way over

hes caught the bus i bet he must be roasting

hes bringing my switch!!

staying over at his tonight

but im staying home during the day to care for my pets

its hot so i will have to tend to them again

we missed the storms but my cousins up north got them

we should get them at some point tho.....

here is the wall hanging i made the other day

pikachu being nommed on by hamsters~

thats all for now