so damn hot, last full week of work!

 Evening

Last night we sat outside with Oz, drinking hot chocolate, well I was - Jack had ice cream

Oz loved every bit of it XD he did not want to go home tho. Right gave me the run around and then he made himself hot and out of breath, whats the point!?

I did not sleep well. It was 29c last night....the temperature didnt seem to drop and the humidity was awful. No breeze. It was like we were being punished!

We had the fan on all night for the first time. So I think that contributed to my lack of sleep as I just kept waking up. Jack was thrashing in his sleep as he was hot and bothered. He also elbowed me in the forehead in his sleep which woke me. Didnt wake him tho >.> I was sure to report this when I got up at 8am. I did wake up with a headache but realised it wasnt a headache it was scalp pain from having my hair in a pig tail for a lot of the day yesterday T^T

we set off and at 9:20am it was already 27c....thats just not possible

We got up and went shopping we were unpacked and done for 10:30am

we sat and the Jack helped me with my soup ^^

I had my soup and then I was just so tired, I was frustrated tho as I wanted to start my painting. But Jack said he would wake me up after an hour. I still felt like it was an hour I was losing.

Hes been gaming with Harvey and Theo most of the day. I dont mind as he has done his chores. And we said we would have a hobby weekend as its so damn hot.

I have been painting for several hours. The door is almost finished. I will get it done tonight. Its not as good as I wanted it to be but its still better than the eye sore that it used to be. Jack is impressed with it. I will get it finished tonight. Glad I didnt paint my nails last night as my hands were just full of paint. I wrecked my socks with paint too!

I am gonna do some weight videos then have a cold bath. Think that is my plan~

Tomorrow is school

and I found another calf length skirt in my wardrobe I havent worn before so I can wear that without tights tomorrow and be 'cool' I know I will be hot no matter what. I can wear my hair in plates and it doesnt seem to hurt my scalp too much. So at least I can get my hair off my neck but I dont like wearing it in that style >.> 

I finish at midday again and I hope mummy will come and see me for lunch~

I did more on my pokemon picture~

No more insects.....please

 Evening

man it is hot -_______-

So last night when we went to bed I said to Jack "don't wake me up for nothing"

at 6:30am "Jo!!" "yeah?...." "nevermind, thought it was school"

I was raging XD I needed a wee now I had been rudely woken cus Jack was in a panic thinking we had over slept on a school morning. I climbed back into bed after I went for a wee and said

"I swear to god Jack if I dont get back to sleep now I will literally castrate you"

Luckily we both fell asleep til around 8am! So he got to keep his balls......for now.....

We got up as we was already warm!

As I went to see Oz I noticed ants crawling around the cracks in the brickwork underneath the living room window about 50cm from the window on the outside. I decided to show Jack, he was not impressed but we were planning on filling in those gaps in the holidays anyway. Its just over the years houses move and mortar and brick separate sometimes.

We got ready to go out and then went out around 9:15am

We had a walk through a park which had plenty of shade.

We did a few charity shops which were naff to be honest. Then we did Wilkos where Jack brought them out of ant poison, I just let him get on with it XD

We then walked down to Pudding Pantry and got Ice cream!!!! I had 2 scoops of oreo and Jack had melon sorbet. Mine was soooooooooooo good I could have had hooked to my veins 

We ate them in the shade and then walked through the shade back to the car.

We got home and rested. I rested on the bed then had lunch, then did my chores which was cleaning Oz out and cleaning the bathroom. Jack went straight out to gas the ants with poison

I want to say that from waking up til 4pm we kept finding spiders. In total today Jack has hovered up 11 spiders....we get 2 a day which is normal every day for us here but 11 is taking the pee. 8 of them were huge buggers.

Jack had been gaming and resting most of the afternoon. To be honest there wasnt an awful lot else you could do as it was so damn hot. I watched some youtube videos then did a bit of drawing but it was so hot. I had a shower to cool myself off

I decided to bake biscuits as the oven needed to be on for dinner anyway >< 

I was making dinner and just as I was about to serve it up did we realise we had 15+ flying ants on the INSIDE of our patio door....sweet mother of god what was going off!? Jack discovered that the hole on the outside of the house connects with a hole behind the radiator in the living room.  So we never knew it was there....As Jack had earlier gased the outside of the ants hole they had decided to evacuate through the inside hole of the house!!!

we had ants all over the carpet, wall, radiator, sofa...it was like an actual nightmare. There was flying ants everywhere. So he hovered up everything and I went round killing flying ants. Mayhem. My dinner was over cooking and burning at the point T^T

Jack laid poison out and gased them as well. Thank god he had brought what he did. life saver.

He said "Oz can't come in here tonight tho" but I dont think i will bring him anyway as its far to warm in that living room for him

I didnt fancy eating in the living room as I felt too on edge and itchy over the whole thing so we took the picnic blanket outside and ate outside with Ozwald who loved the company ^^

Jack went inside after dinner to assess the ant situation. He said "cant see any thats actually alive"

I came inside just on my laptop as I can not face going in that living room right now!

since then I have killed a a big fly and a wasp

Jack kindly sanded down the porch door for me so I can start painting that tomorrow :D

Dont think we are sitting in the lounge tonight, leaving the poison over night and see what its like in the morning. Tomorrow Jack is sealing the hole up. It was awful

truly insect genocide happened in this house today

1 fly

1 wasp

11 spiders

30+ flying ants

100s ants

I have had enough of insects today. No more please.

I am tired and hot. We will sit outside with Oz tonight then go to bed

my morning with Jack was nice tho, we both enjoyed that and needed it

tomorrow

just got food shop and soup to make I can spend the rest of the day painting my door!

finished the week and counselling

 Evening

I slept well ^^

I felt ok about school, just tired but I managed 15mins of yoga before school~

School I was on better form than yesterday~

I almost got too carried away with my work and missed my council meeting which I felt was a total waste of time. She didnt really give me anything. Other than saying "im not a professional but sounds like you have an eating disorder" "you need to see more value in what you do each day, you do a lot more than other people who dont have your issues or anxiety" tis true. I thought I need to make note of what I do achieve in my days, no matter how small. I set myself goals but I dont look at any extra stuff or stuff I do instead.

However I am not returning to counselling as I dont feel like I am getting anything from it

I got a lot done at work today, I mean there was a lot of practicals none of them big but just loads of little ones which ate up my day and I wasnt able to do any drawing!

I came home and had lunch with mum and Oz but Oz was playing up, almost showing off in front of mum so I booted him outside >.> 

we went to TK MAXX and we literally went there and home

I got a pair of joggers, sun glasses for me and Jack, candle and some soap so nothing much or special.

Mum came home with me and we opened up my Boohoo order and she liked all my stuff and I was pleased with them, just none I can wear right now as theyre thick joggers and jumpers!

she stayed for a cup or tea and I had fruit loaf too~

I couldnt wait for her to go tho as I was so damn tired

as soon as she left I went to bed but then Jack came through the door he said he saw mum, I dont get a break. I wasnt gonna grace him with my presence and conked out whilst he showered 

I had a bath when I got up, which was when Jack finished showering

we had dinner

it was just so hot today it reached 29c its gonna go past 30c at the weekend T^T god help us

Jack went to clear up and Mia randomly rang me for 10mins then Jack was already gaming by this point. I sat on my laptop with the means to draw but I wasnt in the mood and it was a nice evening. I had sacked off exercise as my body feels heavy and achy like its full of fibromylgia-if thats possible. So I decided to scoop my bunny, get in my car (which was luckily in the shade by this point!) and drive to mums. I usually put Oz in his carrying case but it stresses him out so much even tho hes in it less than 5mins! So I thought I would sit him on my knee, no main roads and a dead time of day. He was such a good boy and clung to me. I drove like an old woman XD

We got to mums and I sat out with her and dad we watched Oz love life and run round the garden and the girls eat the grass, I had to cut truffs claws which she was not having. But Oz was so damn happy. Its so warm for him to come inside at night so I thought this would make his friday night ^^ 

I put him on my lap and we came home, Jack still doesnt know we had even gone out!

Now its 9:40pm and Jack should hopefully be finished around 10pm as I am shattered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tomorrow is saturday!

and thank god that we dont need to get up at 6am ^^

we said we would have a bit of a 'date' as we dont go anywhere - thanks to corona but I need to go places as its not helping my anxiety for when i do need to go places and I dont want to fear getting anxiety, I wont let myself get that bad otherwise thats when you become a recluse! Also I want to do something fun with my Jack ^^ so we are going into a local town, where Harvey lives, and we are going for a walk in the park, charity shops maybe (if theyre not busy) and going for ICE CREAM!!! can not bloody wait. it has literally kept me going all week!!!!!

then we will come home for lunch and chores then die as it will be like 30c......

so hobbies after that!

heres how far I am with my picture, almost done the shading I guess

had a rest day cus it was a stressful day

 Evening

We had Oz in whilst we watched Inuyasha last night and of those 20 something minutes we watched the anime I think Oz must have spent 17 of those minutes on his toilet. Actually obsessed. He ran straight to it whilst I was setting it up as I had cleaned his towel he does toilet on and im sure he KNEW it was clean too

I slept well ^^

I felt ok about school as well, just tired and every time my meds kick in I become tired. thats both my pain killers and antidepressants. Life is hard and tiring....

At school we had a department meeting to which my booklet front cover was projected on the board for all to see! And I was praised by head of department for my good work and he announced that I was completing the biology one next ^^ everyone loves Jo's art work :D

I had a very stressful morning

I had head of biology barking a 1000 things at me

I had an Ox heart on the side defrosted sitting in it's own blood that literally flipped my stomach over

changes of lesson plans

sudden shopping trip sprung on me

had to go to a big supermarket with Jack to which I felt like crying whilst I was going round it as it was just too much, that why we go shopping on a sunday morning when the shop doors open - its quiet. this was awful. I was stressed. I had a practical to prep that ive done loads of times but  i couldnt get my head round it due to stress

in the end I literally sat on my computer and drew

I came home and mum wasnt seeing me today as she had got an appointment but it did mean she was in for my boohoo parcel! woo! she offered to bring it over but I am seeing her tomorrow and I can wait. I was very pleased with what came this week tho, my hand made bunny earrings! so cute! I am so pleased with them ^^

I went to bed after I had had my lunch with my Ozwald

then when I got up I finished Jack's card by adding some sparkles on it and writing. I also wrapped his present. Its not til next month but its easier to do these things when hes not home.

When Jack came home I had a lump of fruit loaf and sweet tea

then I made biscuits and then my brother came over to give his opinion on my chest of drawers as to what I can actually do with them. Hes hopefully going to sort me out a sander~

we had dinner, and it was same food that gave me stomach ache on tuesday and it gave me tummy ache again. I laid on my bed, my body exhausted

Jack laid beside me and we fell asleep, when I looked out the bedroom window I could see Oz asleep next to the garage door -____- we were tired and warm

I havent done any exercise today as I am exhausted physically and mentally

I have to allow myself days off otherwise I am pushing myself and will make myself worse. I know this. However it is difficult. I feel bad not exercising and I get the fat talk how I will become fat. But I can't just so tired. I went for a shower and felt better for a shower but it was an effort to wash myself

so we are with Oz now going to watch anime, Oz is happy bunny and I love it~

tomorrow is friday thank god

first thing in the morning I have that counselling session which I dont want to go to.

practicals to prep too. and somehow got to find energy for it all and to go TK MAXX with mum after lunch! >< 

got praised for my drawing ^^

 Evening

Last night I suggested to Jack that we sit outside on the picnic blanket with Oz instead of watching anime, and he was happy to that. That half hour was lovely. We drank hot chocolate and watched our extremely happy bunny. I can't express how happy Oz was that we had come into his play garden, he was running around, coming up to sniff and lick us, hopping about 2 foot into the air and sometimes doing a 180 whilst doing so. Just a very happy bunny. We really enjoyed our evening. Then at 9:30pm we put Oz to bed and we went to bed too~

I slept! I actually slept well and I also didnt get squwished!!!

I felt ok again this morning! My anxiety has been almost none existent this week, so its all good ^^ I had a bit of tummy ache this morning so I was on the toilet for a while. 

School was ok. I got my prepping done fast again

so it was a day of drawing~

my example front cover had been seen by head of science and he LOVED it. But before he could give the go ahead he had to take it further up the chain to see if we were allowed to have it for science if it fitted in with the school 'branding' like we're some corporate company. Weird.

But anyway the lady who saw it was amazed by it and said "I want to encourage other departments to do this sort of this and personalise them" ^^ so its got the go ahead and we in science are gonna have the best looking books~ Head of science came by to tell me I had done an excellent job ^^

I made a start on biology which are gonna be the best and cutest for no other reason than it will have a rabbit on it X3

I came home for lunch and ate with mum then she left me but I didnt go to bed til 3pm. I tried to not go to sleep but my meds kicked in and made feel awful - which is why I usually go to sleep! So I did go to bed for an hour. 

I got up and rang hairdressers for appointment, rang doctors for sick note, finished Jack's birthday card. So I got things achieved with my afternoon.

Jack came home and we had a cup of tea and I had fruit loaf~ love that fruit loaf ^^

as we hadn't got to cook, as I put a new curry recipe in the slow cooker that morning, I suggested we did a walk. We did a good walk but both were sweating! So we came home and showered then had dinner in our pyjamas which was really nice actually, can't remember the last time I ate dinner in my pyjamas. The dinner its self was my limit of spice but Jack said it was right amount for him XD it was nice but I felt it was probably bad for you. Which is probably why he enjoyed it so much

Then I have come on my laptop to do some drawing, Jack washed up then went to do some gaming. Its Jo night which usually means no gaming but its fine I insisted XD means I can draw!

we will probably watch anime with Oz, we are on Inuyasha at the moment

tomorrow is school

same old really

Give me space in bed!

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night -_____- just ached like hell. After 90mins of being in bed I got up and took pain killers and climbed back into my bed and did fall asleep. Jack kept offering to get up with me but I didnt want to have to get up. He yelled something out in his sleep which woke me, then I got comfy again - facing him - and got elbowed in the nose by him TT^TT he didnt even wake up despite me going OW!!! so thats the other day he crushed my hand in his sleep and now this. Give me space!!

I did not want to get up this morning, almost fell asleep after my alarm was turned off ><

I was ok about going school tho, wasnt anxious. However I just did not want to talk to people

I got to school, prepped my day and prepped tomorrow all by 9am! So then I spent the rest of my morning being anti-social on my PC drawing the front covers for the students science books. I got the year 7&8 chemistry done!! got biology next then physics but it looks really good! Its been sent to head of department to get the thumbs up, so fingers crossed he will like it. If it gets the green light our booklets will look so much better than the other departments!

I left at lunch with a headache, I think cus I had been looking at a screen for so long and probably wasnt blinking XD

Mum came over for lunch and told me the doctors had switched dads antidepressant and hes on the same one as me! only on the smallest dose to start. But so glad. and hes agreed to have talking therapy. We were both shocked that he does in fact know what an arse he is

I laid on my bed for an hour when mum left

then got up and did my admin job of changing the address of my car just got to post it. but it is a good job done, then I water coloured Jack's birthday card, that just needs outlining now

I sat on the sofa for a bit then Jack came home, we did dinner. Dinner was nice but gave me awful stomach pains. I was on the bed for an hour in a ball. Waste of life

Now I have exercise to do and Oz to sit with >< I can not bare to do exercise as I am so god damn tired I literally just want my bed. I am so tired T^T

I am sure I will manage something tho, I always do

Id go for a walk but Jack is in his pyjamas now :/ but maybe a walk would be too much. Quick 10min video is what I need XD

Tomorrow is school

hopefully have more time to draw again, Ii just keep doing a little bit each night and I can slowly see progress. If I have time tonight it will be flareon's eyes

coping better today with anxiety

 Konbanwa~~~

Last night we had Oz in whilst we watched anime, we finished Ouran high school host club. I had to take Oz home half way through the episode as he was just so hungry, I couldnt keep giving him carrot and treats tho as its not good for him. Lives for food that rabbit >.>

I went to bed and could hear the football game going off but slept through it, woke up at 11:30pm as Jack had rolled over onto my hand so my hand had pins and needles in it and was actually hurting ><

I slept through the rest of the night and didnt really suffer with anxiety ether!

This morning I was actually ok about going to school

didnt feel anxious. maybe I got all my anxiety out my system over the weekend XD

but it was nice to go to school and  not feel like being sick

school was ok, I gave the teacher her welcome back card and she came to find me later and gave me a big cuddle ^^ I was glad I did that for her~

I got all my jobs done and wasnt feeling too bad about it all

Julia was saying she was struggling to cope with her daughter who obviously has depression but Julia still hasnt been to take her to the doctors. I said I think she needs medicating. But she just keeps blanking it. I feel so sorry for her daughter.

I went home, and was ready for a good rest

mum came over for lunch and brought the sows who look lovely still after their bath. Truffle especially looked beautiful with her short hair cut, mum says shes sure truffs loves it when her hair gets cut short.

Mum left me after lunch to go to sleep, it was good to see her

I went to sleep for about an hour

when I got up I changed my address on my car insurance ^^ that is a good achievement for me as I dont like doing admin jobs, its always an anxiety set off but I was actually ok. I have just got to change the address on the car ownership now. That will be a job for tomorrow~

I drew the outline on Jack's birthday card. I asked him which pokemon he would like on it but in the end I drew chimecho, as hes getting a chimecho wind chime for his birthday so I think it will go well. I will water colour it probably tomorrow. No rush with it

Jack came home and we had a cup of tea I also had fruit loaf - which was my breakfast also~

Then I made some banana biscuits but they were a bit wet so took longer to cook, I had got my chicken cooking for my breakfasts and I then put the chicken on for dinner, but couldnt put the potato in the oven cus my biscuits were hogging the tray so in the end, because those biscuits took the tray I usually do my potatoes on it just threw me out of sync with all the dinner but it actually worked out ok and tasted really good. Jack enjoyed his dinner too~

I am gonna do probably 1 exercise video then go for a bath as I did like 15+mins of yoga this morning and I dont wanna do myself in for the rest of the week. I am quite tired ^^;

then I will do some drawing I guess~

sit with Oz and watch anime. Think we are gonna give this other Inuyasha final act box set I bought as the first 2 did not work T^T so literally 3rd time lucky!

Tomorrow

is school~ nothing special going on there. It will be then exactly 2 weeks before we break up for summer holidays!!!!!!