literally felt every hour today

 Evening

OH MY GOD I SLEPT

like a friggin' achievement 

I felt so much better for actual sleep too

This morning I wasnt sure what to wear, so I put on my thinner tights in the hopes that it would warm up. It did not. I have been cold all day -______-

I have felt EVERY HOUR of this day

how can time go so slow!?

the day was never ending like just people wanting stuff left right and centre, like a constant conveyor belt of staff wanting crap I feel like I am forever sorting people out and their lives!!! Ugh!!! I can tell I am back. I did have a 20min lay down at lunch cus I was like dead

We have a helper in, shes an ex-student from last year doing a gap year so we have her 3 hours a week the rest shes gonna help in lesson :3 shes really nice I dont mind her. The only person I have ever met who was totally home schooled tho. I would HATE to have not gone school

At home time we picked Oz up and came home for brew and fruit loaf as I was starving!!!!!

Mum said Oz hadnt done anything all day......wish I had done nothing all day I was knackered

what I thought was gonna be an easy dinner needed more work and I needed to make more biscuits....

we had dinner and I had stomach ache for almost an hour afterwards. Life is not fair. I had been cold all day, ached, stomach ache and just, I just had no more to give so I didnt exercise as it was too late by time stomach ache passed. So I had a nice bath then went to get Oz in

WHO DECIDED TO WEE ON THE CARPET!!!

like are you trying to stressing me out further!? I felt like crying. I cleaned the carpet and took him home as he didnt deserve to stay in after that. He knows better and even had a clean toilet tonight. No excuse for what he did.

I had a biscuit and it gave me stomach ache so I have stomach ache to go to bed with

yup not happy

want to overdose and not wake up basically

trying to think positively tho as I have my first Biology lesson tomorrow! at around 10am. Bit nervous but I want to do this.

I hope I sleep tonight. Body and mind is shattered but done no exercise and got stomach ache and endless thoughts about how fat I am. So I am not holding out a lot of hope

First day back, even Oz wasnt feeling it

 Evening~~

Could I sleep last night? when I actually needed sleep T^T I was awake til 12:30 with my thoughts going through loads of random crap >.> I got up for pain killers and stayed up til 1am

I came to bed and did sleep but had a dream I started a new course but was struggling to do it because of my dyslexia and was upset

I woke up at 6:15am to the sound of my alarm. Ugh an actual alarm >.> did not want to get up today. The only saving grace was wearing non-uniform

We got up and got the dinner on for this evening and got ready for school

when Jack got Oz up at 6:15am he said Oz had a right face on him like "what ungodly hour is this!?" he only gave Jack one lick whereas he usually get loads XD even Oz wasnt feeling it 

we dropped him off for bunny daycare

We went to work really not wanting to. Who wants to go back

I spent two hours in the morning talking the art technician as he art teacher was off with covid, and she didnt know what to do as she didnt feel she wanted to sit with all the teachers in the hall and catch covid, I told her I never go in and was waiting for occupational health to call me - who never did....

So I was tired from talking, it was free tea time so I got my tea and hurried to drink it as it was so noisy with all the staff there. I went to escape to Chris's room. He was working by himself and rather stressed but i am always welcomed there. Chris's office is a safe place. No science teachers tend to go down to his office for starters! I was sat there talking to him when a guy came in and gave me a good look then asked Chris if he was ok. Chris said he was and when the guy left he gave me a really pointed look I kinda thought "whats his problem?" and noticed he had a different school badge to mine and I thought "someone from another school, if cant be bothered to introduce himself I aint gonna bother introducing myself" and chris sighed when he went and was like "im gonna get a message in a minute" I said "how come?" he said "oh that was head of IT for the trust of schools, like my head head boss. Hes gonna be wondering why youre in my office, and at my desk no less" woops XD how was I to know!?

I worked til lunch then ate my lunch up in the office by myself as Jack and Julia were having school lunch which was on plates so they couldnt come up stairs but to be honest I was glad of the quiet as all day I had talked......so much socialising.....not used to it!

After lunch we had a department meeting and said to Jack I was running out of energy and thinking power and I needed organising so we did my to do list and he wrote on thursday "go to lesson" XD yes my first biology lesson is thursday! I did some more jobs and helped Jack then did computer work as I was knackered. It was just one thing after another. Like as soon as you go to do one of your jobs about 3 people come in talking to you or just wanting things cus your a technician!!!!!!!!! god my head was spinning. I couldnt want to finish.

Mum came to drop Oz over and stayed for a cup of tea and I had fruit loaf too as I needed treat~

I did dinner which wasnt hard as we put the pulled pork on this morning. After dinner we prepped from tomorrow's dinner as its a curry to put on in the morning 

Now I am doing my diary and gonna do some exercise then have a bath or shower. Jack is just having a quick game with the guys. I hope it helps him unwind a bit

we will sit with Oz and watch anime

school tomorrow

please god let me  sleep

but as first days go it wasnt too bad. Its just a lot sometimes

Its school tomorrow T^T freedom over

 Konbanwa~

My last day of freedom T^T

So last night I took a calms sleeping tablet but I cut the middle man out and just slept straight on top of my covers, didnt bother getting into the bed. Meant Jack couldnt cuddle me but I just knew Id be up otherwise. This gave me a better chance of sleeping

AND I SLEPT!!!

i actually bloody slept! Unbelievable 

I slept through til 8am in my dressing gown, I was so cosy ^^

I got up and Jack made me tea and fruit loaf for my breakfast

I did a bit of digital drawing this morning and made some biscuits to snack on

then at 10:30am I went over to my parents and sat with mum and dad with girls on my knee

told them about our plans for the garden and I asked my dad how much car tires are that no one wants he said theyre free! woop! If we can save money we damn well will! But they liked the ideas we have so I feel we have a goal now to work towards. Dad said he even has 3 tires to get rid of so he will pop them over at some point. I went to talk to my brother for a bit. Took another draw from my old bedroom and then I went home for my lunch at 12:20

After lunch I really wanted to sleep! But I need to sleep tonight so I have stayed awake today!

I feel ok after my covid jab I mean I am a bit tired but I am used to that. My arm is sore, hurts more than first injection anyway. Jack says he has a headache and hes been tired all day too. Hes done well as he mowed the grass today and came on a 40 min walk with me. 

I put my stuff away from my draw it mainly tat so I chucked a fair bit away to be honest.

then I dyed my eyelashes 

I also got all my stuff ready for tonight's pamper sesh

I have hair oil, face bubble pack thing, face sheet, fancy bath salts.

I want to feel pampered for school~

i also got my outfit out for tomorrow as its insec day so we can wear what we want

im going in a pink anime tshirt, pink tutu, pink tights, pink hair bow

Jo will be sugary cute X3

Jack ordered some membrane for the garden so I feel we are slowly making progress. It needs the rockery sorting next so we can start planting plants. Mum said she would plant things whilst we are at school which is nice of her.

We sat with Ozwald too who demanded treats then had a long wash. I cant believe he is shedding twice. His whole coat is being shedded for the second time this summer T^T it never ends.

I think I will do some drawing then go enjoy my bath pampering session then sit with Oz then watch anime with Jack before bed and get an early night

tomorrow

is my first day of school for this academic year

I will be starting my own academic year. As I will start my biology GCSE this week!

I dont wanna go back in a way cus its work and I have a taste for freedom. But its also finding the energy for work, looking well for people, talking to people, thinking about science constantly. Yeah its all very draining. I am hoping it will go ok tomorrow. I have pulled pork to put on in the morning as well. Dropping Oz off mum's for bunny daycare and I am sure he will come back shattered XD Just as I am sure I will be shattered

I hope I sleep again tonight I will sleep on top of covers again

Last Covid Jab

 Evening

We went to bed at like 10pm and Jack fell asleep pretty fast

I couldnt sleep tho. Despite not having a sleep in the day and doing an hour of exercise I just could not sleep so I got up, pain killers, etc til 1am

I slept pretty ok from there but I keep having to sleep in my dressing gown and on top of the covers I just find the bed too hard. Theres nothing wrong with that bed its just when my pain is having a flare up. I did this at mums on my single bed. Just happens occasions where I can't sleep in my own bed! Its sad tho as I like to be close to Jack T^T

This morning we got up for our weekly shop and picked up a cute bunny print cushion that was reduced to £6! My anxiety doesnt really exist anymore whilst shopping now its good :) taken long enough!

We got back and Jack unpacked, I brought Oz in and we had a cup of tea with him and I had some fruit loaf and Oz was just being cute

Jack helped me cut up my stuff for my soup and whilst that was cooking I cleaned the bathroom and was emailing someone on gumtree. Jack was outside with Oz gardening whilst Oz pretty much did everything he could do bother Jack XD nudging his bum, nudging his hands, sitting where he is working. Thats my Ozwald~ Likes you to know he is there

We had lunch and I told Jack I had been getting replies and then at 1:45pm we went to go meet someone in the next town to buy his wheelbarrow! Wheelbarrows new  are at least £100 we got this one - which is in great condition - for £25! So Jack feels better that we have one what with our plans for the garden :) we dropped it off home and I had a biscuit I made then we went for our second covid vaccination.

I was nervous, I had been saying all morning I was nervous and didnt want to go XD The guy who lets you over to a nurse saw how anxious I was and let Jack go with me. The nurse could tell how I was and I was taken into the same room as last time to lay down and have it done. I had 3 members of staff with me - over kill! XD I felt like such an attention seeker. I was told to count back from 20 but when the nurse touched my arm my counting went wrong I couldnt count! how embarrassing! Once jabbed Jack was taken to a seat somewhere to have his jab.

I took a bit of time to be able  to sit up. As I had worked my self up a bit. To say I was only laying down my cheeks were very warm. They got me some water and I did come round but I could tell I was dizzy and felt a bit faint. I knew I would be good for some fresh air

so we did make it to the car and Jack drove, I had the window down and came round a bit more

when we got home Jack made me a very sweet tea and gave me fruit loaf as I needed reviving!

I went straight on my bed as I was exhausted from my trauma XD Jack came to me an hour later saying we needed to do dinner. So I did dinner, we had that then I laid on my bed

Jack came to see me to see what was up and I said that my head was playing up. That I havent exercised to day, I have had fruit loaf + biscuits, how fat I will be, had ice cream twice this week. That crap you know. But he talked me through it and I felt a bit better. I did 15mins of yoga to help things too then had a really nice bath

Now just doing my diary and gonna get Oz in. Jack said he will sit with us and stuff so I have his company tonight anyway

God knows if I will sleep tho tonight ><

Tomorrow

ahhhh tomorrow....our last day of freedom.....so sad

I would like to see mum. I want to see her. I dont wanna go anywhere as I am not sure how I will feel after my jab and also its bank holidays so people will be everywhere.

I am glad I have had my jab tho. Takes 2 weeks to become fully effective. I am grateful. We are very fortunate here. And the nurses were lovely. I feel a bit better about it all now. I know I am not immune to covid but I feel better about it all 

we have garden plans!

 Evening

I went to bed, and cried

Thinking about life too much i.e. my health and I cried silently on Jack's chest. He noticed when he top was wet. So I talked about it but it wasnt anything like major but once the lid on my emotion jar is off sometimes its hard to put it back on. I bottle a lot up that jar always makes the most of being open! I couldnt sleep. Jack told me to wake him if I couldnt sleep. But I just needed to be alone to be honest. So I stayed up til 1am dosed up on pain killers. 

Woke up at 8am

Mum popped over with a delivery of her stuff she wants sewing/fixing then she left 

We went off to Tara's new house

unfortunately she wasnt in but I hadnt told her I was coming, not that she would have let us in, shes very covid-aware. But it was literally in the middle of no where. It was lovely but I couldnt live that far away from everything....her house looks lovely. I have no idea how much that must have cost her....cus its 4 bed in a lovely area. Shes outdone us anyway! I can't wait to see the inside. I left her present behind James's car. I then drove us home. Jack came along to keep me company

we came home and had a brew with Ozwald.

I then cleaned him out and then we talked gardens....I showed jack my painting from last night so he could picture it a bit more what I have in mind. Then I suggested tires as platers and showed photos of what other people have done and he was down for it all and feels happy with our plans theyre not horrendous. Yes they will need our time and effort but price wise it shouldnt cripple us! I need to run my plans past my parents as i like their input. then after that talk we had lunch

I went to bed after lunch but couldnt sleep so I got up. I wasnt tired and was just doing it to kill some of my day really. But I got up and did the sewing jobs that have been steadily mounting up but I got them all done and then I had a brew and fruit loaf by myself as Jack was gaming with friends

he came off it to my surprise and he went to do an hour of gardening and I did an hour of exercise. The video says it burns off 800 calories but I cant see me burning that much off. I had my weights attached. I am gaining muscles on the underneath part of my arm now! Jo is hench XD

I had a shower cus I was dripping my clothes were soaked. Jack had a shower then we did dinner which was good. I sat and did some more diamond painting then went out to Ozwald and watered some plants. Now doing diary and gonna get him in.

Tomorrow

food shop, clean bathroom and make soup then at 3:15pm we have our 2nd/last covid vaccination T^T

Trying to plan a garden

 Evening

We were in bed for 10pm last night and by 11:10 I was waking Jack up to say I couldnt sleep. He told me if I couldnt sleep to wake him otherwise he would be cross. I tried to wake him gently but had no luck that guy sleeps like the dead. But as I got out of bed he woke so he got up with me for a bit and I took yet more drugs....so sick of drugs lately. But I wonder if the massage had caught up with me. It felt like I was laying on concrete....

I eventually slept and woke up at 8am I got Oz up who had food dust all over his nose, his dish was almost empty. Someone has clearly already had breakfast XD

This morning I had another good headache but I wanted to make the most of the holiday, so we went for another 90min walk round some woods it was nice just hard work and I needed my inhaler several times. We got back and had lunch then I practically ran to bed and told Jack not to wake me. Mum was gonna come help Jack with the gardening.

I was woken....by my mum coming round the bedroom door with my stitch plushie I have had 16 years she said she is finally able to let him come over. She always relates that plush to me and to see it off my bed was gonna be hard for her she says. So I was woken with plush so no volcanoes went off or earthquakes. Jack didnt dare wake me XD

I sat with mum and had a brew and then we all went outside with Oz and gardened apart from me. Jo is banned. Oz does more gardening than me! How shameful is that! Im just there for company.....

we came in and had a brew and I had fruit loaf too~ mum went at 5pm and then we had baths and had dinner. Jack pretty much had to dash off for gaming. 

So I have been by myself

I decided that I would bite the bullet and look at gardens and such T^T its such a chore as I am so limited so what we can actually have as we need to be able to do it, afford it, buy it, lay it, etc 

not an easy task but I found some ideas and I even painted a sketch of what the garden could look like. As mum and Jack have been asking for a sketch. I just feel deflated by it all as I cant help with anything!! I only get to 'garden' by putting plants in and pruning them T^T 

I then ordered some skin care, looked at dances as I want to learn a hard dance for my 30th birthday. I want a challenge.

Then I had Oz in, and I gave him a good grooming, he had treats but kept nudging me for more >.> he is so greedy but he is finally starting to look thinner and I think its cus hes been outside so much with Jack gardening.

Now I am just waiting around for Jack to finish gaming. I might email my cousin back whilst I am waiting.

Tomorrow

mum is dropping off her work trousers she wants repairing and I need to drop Tara's present off and clean Oz out. Jack wants to clear all the weeds from the garden.

I almost dont feel like taking my medication tonight as literally what does it do? I end up needing more at like midnight >.> I hope I sleep I am so god damn tired.

mum sent me this a while ago of truffs trying to escape the carrying case. mum had left her 5seconds and saw that so got her phone out for a cute photo. Shes so feral and ADHD I love her

Tillie Truffle 2nd birthday + new mircrowave

Konbanwa~~

I went to bed at like 9pm last night X3 I was tired and Jack was gaming so why not!

My headache was pulsing against the pillow tho >.>

I was woken at 12:45am by Jack coming to bed, he was quiet but I am a light sleeper

I got up for a wee then slept til like 8am 

woke up to the sound of the grass cutters on the school field behind my house >.> it eventually woke Jack up much to my surprise!

I woke up to photos of the girls on my phone from mum which was sweet

as today after all is their 2nd birthday!!!!

Mum as you can tell made a fuss of them today and did some baking in their honour X3

This morning we went out to the shops and got ice cream and my god, biscoff flavour tasted and had the same texture (apart from being cold) as freshly made cookie dough!!! I needed more! We walked through the park back to the car and I needed my inhaler 3 times on that walk....my lungs were burning. I need to accept the fact that Jo is, indeed, asthmatic. I have said I need to carry an inhaler on the times I dont have Jack with me - he always carries one as that is the type of person Jack is. I saw some plants I liked at Wilkos - £4 for £6!! Bargain so we picked them up and had to carry them all the way to the car which wasnt easy

we drove to the next town for my bank

I paid off my £1000+ dept I had to Jack >< he was ok about it but I wasnt. I do not like being in dept but I just have no way of paying him unless I physically go into a bank which is a chore! So the woman there gave me the usual "do you not have the banking app?" "do you not have internet banking?" the same questions I get asked EVERY SINGLE TIME I go in there >.> and even Jack is getting annoyed by me not being in the 21st century. So there and then I set some stuff up >< Jack has helped me with it at home :) 

We came home for lunch which is obviously my fish soup which I had to heat up on the hob like a loser as god I miss my microwave T^T I went to bed as I hurt from my massage and headache

when I got up I sorted some stuff out in my new drawers finally!

At 4pm I went to mum's for a cup of tea, a birthday cup cake and of course a hold of the birthday girls! Who mum made me cut their claws, poor girls. Molly squeaked on EVERY claw.....but nice to see them. Truffs looking lovely with her short fur. Tillie constantly talking over me. Love them I hope they have many more happy healthy years with us

I heated my leftovers for dinner in mum's microwave XD Jack had oven pizza and txt me when it was almost done so I knew when to do my dinner and come home. Perfect sync~

We sat down watching the last fullmetal alchemist which was good actually. I approved of the ending. Think we are watching "what we do in the shadows" next to refresh us before the new season starts next month!

Then after dinner we headed off to currys to go fetch our new microwave!!! My god it looks so much more modern....I left it to Jack to sort whilst I had a bath as he is more than capable. My god I have missed my microwave and I am yet to use this one. But will after this diary~~

I am gonna get Oz out and then sit with Jack and watch Noragami when Oz has gone home~

Tomorrow

not 100% sure whats happening yet, but I am pretty sure gardening is happening XD