I hope Molly is ok...

 Konbanwa

I went to bed by myself last night at like 9:45pm and was woken up an hour later by Jack coming to bed, I gave him a quick cuddle and fell back to sleep

Woke up at 7:30am and ate breakfast alone for half hour then went to wake jack up at 8am

he laid on the sofa for 2 hours straight whilst I....

got ready

cleaned Oz out

cleaned the bathroom

made biscuits

made a shopping list

he did nothing

it did annoy me

I left him and went to see my mum and brother for 90mins then came home for lunch

mum had kinda brought us both a cake from bakewell ^^

I got hold the girls for a bit too, molly lost 40g this week. Not sure whats up with her as she seems totally normal and happy and eating, not dribbling or quiet. Mum says shes gonna see how she goes over the weekend and see if she needs vets....

After lunch I went to bed for 2 hours I was tired

but when I woke up I felt no different. no better off what so ever

what a waste of time that was! I dont get any time for myself as it is!!!

I felt a bit flat all afternoon but tried to get on with some drawing

then I flopped on the bed at 4pm and then stayed there for 10mins and got up to announce I was going for a walk, despite it raining - still

Jack insisted on joining me even tho I probably wasnt the best of company

doesnt help that I forgot to take my antidepressant at lunch.... this year I forgot so much medication

we went for a good walk in our new black coats

then came back had baths and then did dinner, so it was a different routine

I then did some drawing, getting further with the 2nd picture

Ive made Jack sit with Oz as I sat with him this afternoon, he was alone in a cardboard box in the garage as it was raining outside. so I gave him company. Jack never sits with him anymore. its gone back to always being more or sometimes both of us.

I wont be late in bed tonight as I am quite tired

tomorrow

food shop, make soup, cook my breakfasts for the week, biology homework, exercise

then there might be some time left for me...

maybe

I have Myres Irlen Syndrome

 Evening

ahhhh another week done

Last night I did sleep, however I  had a nightmare about my dad abusing me and so in my sleep I kneed Jack in the back (he told me in the morning) I woke up from my nightmare as I was about to be slapped in the face by dad, I went to bite his hand and actually bit my pillow....hard...XD but woke me up

I was not feeling it today, just couldnt be arsed to turn up for work

I mean work was ok, I messed up a practical by adding too much chemical so it worked that fast the students couldnt time it...woops...didnt realise til about 3 hours afterwards but I confessed my sins to Luke whos practical it was. He was totally fine and said he was over it XD

I managed to do some art which was nice but not much as me and Jack spent a lot of time tidying up the prep room as we both didnt have loads on today and the prep room was a mess. Luckily I have no practicals on monday which is good.

When I was leaving school mum said she had ran into traffic on her way home from derby with dad

they had gone out for the day to cycle through bakewell. But traffic on the way home made them take an hour longer than normal. So she asked me if I would take the pigs to my house or put them out in her garden. But I wasnt sure what time she would make it home and she was planning on seeing me when she got home but I kinda wondered if that was gonna be possible

so I put the pigs out in her garden

and it was a good job I did as it usually takes an hour to drive back from there. Took them 2 and half hours. I said to her I would see her tomorrow morning. To just get home, chill out from the traffic, and relax as shes been cycling for 2 hours as well today. And if it was me Id just want to get home and not socialise.

We had dinner, but I fell asleep on my bed for half hour so Jack had to wake me so I could make dinner ><

He went to go game and I did 20mins of exercise then showered and now with Oz

Tomorrow

probably clean bathroom, do biology homework, shopping list, clean Oz out and then see mum in the morning and then come home for lunch, sleep and god knows about the afternoon. But I am glad its the weekend

I got sad news today that my uncle has had covid and my cousin got it from him yesterday. Shes poorly on the sofa and I hope he is looking after her as she doesnt sound good. I hope shes gonna be ok. shes double jabbed but her body isnt in the best of conditions. 

I sat and read my dyslexic report at school today. It was done in 2010

and what a spaz I am

it does say my IQ (in 2010)  is high average so that was a plus

but yeah what I read, I can not believe I didnt get help in school.

I also have myres irlen syndrome.....first I knew of it!!! 

that has links with ADHD - I googled what the hell it even was

so I decided then and there I would go to a GP and go talk about ADHD. So I am booked in on 22nd I believe to do that.

its weird as I feel I never read my dyslexic report, my mum has when it was first done but I dont know if I bothered to read it. Whats more, I dont even remember doing the dyslexic test but from reading it, its an intensive test. 

Miho got her gifts!

 Konbanwa~~~

I slept ok but I still felt tired when I got up

I was also anxious, very anxious. And not even sure what I was anxious about!

All day nothing has sat right in my stomach. I have been hungry all day like no food leaves my stomach to my intestines like I have 'road closed' sign up after my stomach. But food has been giving me stomach ache as well. Every sodding meal. I had to hot bag on my stomach on the way to school and I have had it with me a lot today.

I was anxious at school and a bit teary 

I was anxious about  my biology lesson

and there was enough to do today but wasnt run off  my feet like yesterday luckily. I still got very little time for art or anything fun.

I just wanted to come home

I did have extra food with me at school today but made no difference T^T

I came home and had a cup of tea with mum and Jack

then had dinner which was pizza for jack and stew out the freezer for me.

then died with stomach ache for an hour

then I did 15mins of exercise and had a hot bath

not done anything else really

I am shatttered

I dont care what Jack choses to do tonight but I am in bed for 9pm

I need sleep!!!

Tomorrow is school and thank bloody god it is friday

on a better note

Miho received her gifts from me today!! she really liked them and her son Leo loved the Molcar plush I sent them and the guinea pig books she was even kind enough to send me a bit of footage of him saying he had got a Molcar <3 hes only 2 ^^ We both said we would like to do it again

I might suggest in the new year as we can maybe pick up some stuff in january sales. I am glad we have both enjoyed it tho. I t was a fun experience and I am actually really happy she is up for it again ^^

slight lay in before school

 Evening

I was in bed for 9:10pm last night and slept through til 6:50am which was a slight lay in compared to normal as we were going butchers for 8am. As it turned out googled lied to us and it didnt open til 8:30am so we waited around a bit. A little bit annoying as I could have had even longer in bed!!! ><

Got to school and was rudely spoken to by a certain member of staff as she was doing a practical and I wasnt getting it all ready for her as I wasnt in! But as she rudely spoke to me I didnt bother to help or assist really. I walked off to see if other staff were ok

Jack helped me today with bagging the hearts up. He held the bags open I put the hearts in

he helped with my washing up load, and pushing out heavy trolleys as earlier today my knee joint hurt bad from trying to move a heavy trolley with microscopes on. Jack said I should have got him to do it but he was not around, what was I to do

After school mum came over, she brought my dyslexia report from college as I need it for work. Jack happily read it whilst I was talking with mum. It was good to see her finally

Oz has enjoyed playing out and being inside bless him, happy bun

Mum was late leaving so I did my exercises whilst dinner was in the oven then had a hot bath after dinner which was nice

tomorrow

school, hopefully got a bit more of a quieter day, I did manage to put up some display work today but not actually do any art work

so I may get some art done or Julia might want some acid making up. I shall see how the day goes

Im just glad it wasnt another day of horrific pain

She lost Todd

 Evening

I kinda forgot to do my diary, when I was gonna do it my brother rang then I just forgot!

My monday was ok as far as mondays go

I had a lot on and a practical I had got to get ready but no one thought to tell me they werent actually doing it til wednesday....thanks for that

we saw people queuing for fuel when we left for school and when we came home. Madness.

I couldnt wait to finish school I was tired

I had an easy enough dinner, but didnt feel like exercising. However I still did exercise for 10mins

I also got my occupational health report which Jack read then he gave me the gist as I didnt want to read it really. He says they cant discipline me from reading that so that made me feel better

my brother rang me for 20mins which was nice

we were in bed for 9:10pm I was done 

I didnt sleep too bad but I had been aching in bed and couldnt get off to sleep so at 10:20pm I got up for pain killers and dosed myself up

I didnt want to go to school this morning

my day was hard as I knew it was going to be. Had 6 practicals and the big 2 to get ready for tomorrow as well. Jack has helped me but all day my pain killers have done nothing. Not even touched it. Like they were empty tablets. I even took an extra dose at work but it did nothing but give my liver a harder time. I wanted to cry in the afternoon as I had been in agony all day with no let up. I mean I ache constantly my whole life but pain killers do take the intensity off. This was just awful and it becomes relentless. I have to think and do my job in this state whereas all i want to do is go to sleep so i can escape pain.

we prepped all we could for the morning as we are gonna be late tomorrow morning!

we came home and brought Oz in as it was raining. Jack made me fruit loaf and tea and it was amazing especially combined with a lot of pain killers. I went to lay on the bed for 40mins not that I slept but I just needed the comfort of bed.

I did dinner as it was noodles and I used a sauce instead of making a broth just to save me

I am not exercising tonight, I want an easy night of just soaking in a HOT bath and then having an early night this is what I will do. Self care

tomorrow

its school and we are going to the butchers to pick up 65 pork & lamb hearts. They dont open til 8am and we normally start school at 7:50am. So we will be a bit late. I imagine we will be there for first lesson however we have done as much as possible for first lesson and Julia knows the score.

I just hope I feel better tomorrow and not have another day of this

I was suppose to see mummy today but no way could I do that after school.

Mia sent me sad news whilst at school, Todd her family dog was put to sleep today. He was 17. I really liked Todd. I had known him since the first day she got him and I grew up with him really. He was the only dog I had gotten to know as previously I was quite scared round dogs. He made me put trust in dogs and not just think theyre all out to bite me. She said she is very upset which I can imagine bless her.

finished the first drawing

 Evening

I was soooo tired last night after we had come home at 9pm

it had been a LONG day

I woke up at 8:30am, meaning I had slept for 10 hours ^^

not only that but I slept IN MY BED for the first time in a long time. I slept through the night too. I had done so well.

I had breakfast then went to clean Oz out, whilst cleaning him out my mum appeared! She was just dropping a few parcels on her way to the shops and she gave me a cuddle and things ^^

so far my day was good

at 10am we set off to Jack's mum's as it was her birthday

I got there and noticed there was 50th everywhere...he never told me it was a special birthday -___-

I would have made her a special card or something!!!

So I had to sit there and talk and be polite, I was given a home made scone which was nice, at this time of day I would have eaten one of my home made biscuits so I was glad of something. Later on a lovely homemade and very sickly looking cake came out, we sung happy birthday and I very much looked forward to some cake....did I get any!? No!!! WHY!? it just didnt get cut whilst we were over and we stayed til 1pm T^T I was dying I had had enough. Needed food and pain killers

we left and I drove home, there was load of people around so it was stop go stop go - football match on >.> ugh. After I got past that there was a mile long line of traffic...what the hell!? I panicked and got stressed until I managed to smoothly drive down a road parallel to the blocked on and that saved us probably 20-30mins but I was very stressed at this point. Could not wait to go home, be comfy and drugged up. 

we had lunch and I went to bed for just 45mins as it was too late to have a longer nap

I got the odd job done but we had to have an early bath of about 4pm so I didnt get anything done what I wanted to get done

then we went over to Harvey's which was ok, I mean his sofas are nice looking but are not comfy in the slightest. He went for looks more than a practical sofa so I always dread going over. We ordered food but I took my own food as take away gives me bad stomach pains. The meal estimate kept getting pushed further and further back but we had already ordered dessert from another place. I was starving and didnt want to eat my dessert before dinner as thats just wrong

so I sod the guys and ate my dinner at 7:30pm as I was starting to feel sick.

the dessert truly did arrive before the meal. So we ate the dessert I had a sundae but couldnt finish it I had half of it so Jack helped me out. Harvey had to chase up the burgers a couple of time. They arrived at 8:15pm and they ordered at 5:45pm. Jesus. 

we left at 8:50pm I was glad to leave

I had had enough of being round people and sitting down

I hadnt done any exercise all day but I hadnt really eaten much extra so I didnt have anorexic thoughts

we got Oz in and had him in for a bit and he was happy bun

then we went to bed and we could hear the festival going off - which was why there was so much traffic earlier it was because people were trying to get into a festival.

I managed to get off to sleep in the bed again ^^

woke up at 7am and there was no Jack he said he got up at 6am cus he couldnt get off to sleep

I made my biscuits in the morning and we had Oz in for like an hour as well

we did our food shop but I felt really worried on the way there as there was the biggest line for fuel i have ever seen. I didnt know anything about this and it freaked me out. Jack told me people are pointlessly panic buying fuel. When we left the shop the line and got even longer!!! So I rang my mum when I got home and was like "do not go that way!!" blocking islands and sets of traffic lights. sheer madness.

Jack helped me do my soup and I cooked my pork for breakfasts for the week whilst soup cooked

after lunch I had a sleep for 50mins as I felt exhausted. Yesterday did a number on me with aches and such.

When i got up we went for a walk which was nice as it was like 23c and you gotta make the most of this weather! We got back and had a cup of tea and then I did some digital drawing! I even got a picture done!! thank god. For the first time I actually got some drawing done and started another one!

we did dinner, and I helped Jack in the garden and now I am gonna have my weekly pamper sesh in the bath, do my nails later on too.

so its been a bit full on I must say and yesterday I felt wasnt everything it cracked up to be

want an easier weekend next weekend

tomorrow

back at school T^T

I have got a nasty practical back to back in the afternoon

I have the morning to prep it and practice it to see if it will work

I have asked Jack to hold my hand

completed my first full week in months

 konbanwa~

I didnt sleep great, was up til midnight, had a lot on my mind I guess. Then kept waking up

so I felt quite shattered when I got up

I was glad it was friday but I was also ready for it to be the weekend ><

School was ok really

I made 15 litres of hydrochloric acid up, all in an hour as im an actual pro XD

Got my practicals done, washing up completed, tidied up, technician meeting as the 3 of us are stressed with a few things. But I caught up with everything finally - 4 weeks into term and only just caught up....jesus. Managed a bit of art too which was nice as well. 

Mum sent me a txt saying she was cleaning my house *0* and sent a photo of Ozwald as well

so that was all very lovely and kept my spirits up

we got home and had tea and fruit loaf with mummy

she had dusted, hoovered, done the pots, watered the garden. ahhhh i felt spoiled! She did so I would hopefully have some time to myself this weekend as she knows I never get time to myself anymore and my saturday is going to Jack's family and friends. So she did it for me ^^

We had dinner then I instantly fell asleep on the bed. Only for 45mins but god I fell into a deep sleep in seconds. I was exhausted. Mum and Jack had said I looked shattered and pale :/ working myself to death as per usual I guess. Its been my first full week back in months, it was bound to be hard

I did a few bits then 15mins of exercise then had a bath

Its friday so Jack is gaming. He woke me at 6:30pm when he was about to go game and I will wait for him as he says he will be done at 10pm he said I can go to bed sooner if I like but I said I would wait for him :) I like going to bed with him.

Tomorrow

probably clean my chunks out in the morning for him to ditch his cage 10mins after its been cleaned....thats something Oz seems to do each week >.>

Then setting off at 10am to Jack's family's as it's his mum's birthday so were having a cup of tea and cake with them. 

Im hoping to come home for lunch, have a power nap then do some art. Then we are going over to Harvey's for takeaway, well I am taking leftovers from mum for my meal but I will have dessert with the guys. So a full on day of socialising >< 

I just best have time for my art damn it >.>