cried twice before 9:30am, slept 5 hours during the day

 Konbanwa~~

I couldnt sleep last night. I even laid in bed playing pokemon whilst hooked up to my tens machine. I was up and out of bed twice taking more and more pain killers. I tried to wake jack he cuddles my arm and made a noise but I took that as he didnt want to get up (turns out he had done all this in sleep and didnt remember any of this) I stayed up til 2am wanting nothing more than to sleep and not wake up for a long long time.

Morning came round and I almost fell back to sleep from turning my alarm off. All my body needed was rest and sleep but no i had to get ready for school

I felt so anxious about school but I think it was just because of how shattered I was. I was on 4 hours sleep and havent been sleeping properly in general.

I was shaking round the prep room, brought vile up twice, was panting and had to use my inhaler. I just wasnt good. I focused on my practicals and got 2/3 done. I did tomorrows sheet and prepped my lessons. I told Jack I wasnt good I mean he knew but i was in tears by this point. He asked me what I was finding difficult and I said "everything, I want to be away when the practicals come round as I cant handle it. I am so tired" he told me he would sort it all out and that I could just do computer work today.

I started doing the computer work but just felt like breaking down crying. I looked at the time. It was only 9:30am.....only that much time had passed and I felt this crap. I cried and told Jack I am going home. He said I could work from home or just sleep.

I got home and went straight to bed. But just getting home I felt relief. I am unsure how I even got home as even walking to my car my legs were so shaky.

I was in bed for 2 hours and then mum came to have lunch with me and we ate with Oz too which was nice. She stayed for an hour and I went to bed for a further 3 hours!! jesus! how have I managed to sleep so much today!? so by time I woke up it was 4pm and jack was on his way home so I havent really been left alone today as I have just been asleep for it all.

Jack came in and he cuddled me and such, I told him that I havent actually worked today I have been asleep for 5 hours. He said it was fine and I must have needed it. I can make the hours up when I feel up to it. I said I would do it over the weekend as i know what I want to do from home. 

Turns out he had been upset at work....my jack...upset and i wasnt there for him

He was upset at  how much I am struggling, doesnt know how to make things better for me and got talked to rudely by head of biology - who always treats me like utter dog crap. But she had the nerve to treat Jack like it today and I think he just cracked a bit and ended up talking to science teacher about it all he gets along with. Hes having a meeting with head of science tomorrow...

he came in and ate a doughnut and had a whisky and has since had a cider....he says he feels better for having a drink, being home, seeing me and Oz. I am glad he is feeling better. I was upset as I thought I had stressed him out but he said he wasnt upset with me he is just annoyed with certain things and members at school.....i hope he doesnt let loose too much tomorrow

so he did me fruit loaf and tea and then I did dinner which luckily was easy

now hes  chilling out on pokemon. I might do a bit of yoga but in all honesty I dont have a lot of energy so I am not gonna over do it.

I plan on taking medicated sleeping tablets tonight for some actual sleep and fingers crossed it works.

tomorrow is school. I am gonna go and I hope I can do the day 

done my second science test

 Good Evening

we were in bed for 9pm playing pokemon~ At 10:30pm I couldnt bare the aches any longer so got up for pain killers with Jack, tried to sleep but it wasnt happening and he was still playing pokemon so he got up with me for a second time (he had a total play time of 10 hours by this point) and I took more tablets....yeah it wasnt a good night. We were up til midnight. I woke up at 7:30am and woke Jack up at 8am

We did the food shop which I was not in the mood for and needed the inhaler round the shop as my anxiety was taking my breath away, what am I even freakin anxious about!?

We got back and brought Ozwald in

then we didnt have to make my soup or hoover up this week! So I went to bed XD I was so tired but really peed off that I was wasting time going bed. So Jack said he would play pokemon next to me. he woke me up at 12:30pm for lunch :)

we had lunch then I sat quietly in my craft room doing a bit science stuff in my sketchbook as I havent been doing it lately and I also needed to revise for my test. I stayed here for 3 hours then did my test which I did very well with but I just need the answers to one questions tomorrow to see how many marks I actually got. But I know I have done well so I dont feel ashamed to tell Luke my score. I have been worried about the test tho I have to say

I did dinner then, and now I am gonna go on just dance for a few songs and have a bath, watch anime and there might be time for pokemon. I didnt do a walk today as there was a really bitter wind today and I didnt fancy being out it. Heck even Oz hasnt been out today. He went out for a wee this morning then thats it. Hes been inside since like 2:30 and its 7pm now XD we feed him and hes got a bowl of water which he loves and its very cute watching him. But hes been quiet today. Just sitting round in a ball mainly.

tomorrow is school TT^TT I dont wanna go school tomorrow!!!!!! Julia is back tho :) and it shouldnt be horrific as last week....

magnifying Harvey's willy

 Evening

So we were in bed for 8:45pm on a friday XD Simply to play pokemon

I was playing til 10:20 and I was tired, my god my eyes were literally burning

I was enjoying myself and pokemon diamond but I was too tired to go on

not to mention  I ACHED

So we got up - Jack still with switch in hand - I took pain killers and he made me hot cross bun which was a very nice late night snack~ We went to bed at 11pm and the next thing I knew it was 8:50am!

I felt sooooooooooo exhausted and flat this morning

like my body was shutting down cus it NEEDED rest

I was flopping round on the bed and Jack motivated me and said that I wouldnt want to waste my weekend in bed after a crappy week

so i got up and I cleaned Oz out. I didnt want to go to the shops as I felt I couldnt cope right then with people....

I went over to mum's at 11am and mainly sat on her bed. Dad was home and was just annoying but it was nice to see her

I came home for lunch, we brought Oz inside whilst we had lunch

I went to bed after lunch but couldnt sleep so I got up and had a go at the pokemon box frame I want to do but it soon became apparent that  i didnt have enough stuff to fill the box so I ordered a couple of more jigglypuff things online and also some nail varnish ^^

We went for a walk down the river around 3pm then we went to TK MAXX as I could face it. It was actually quite busy. I got hot chocolate so I was well happy :D we went to B&M and Jack got cider so he was well happy. We took my ID and didnt need it - typical

we got home and fruit loaf and tea with Oz and then had a bath then we did dinner

I did some practice questions Jack wrote for me. He used harvey's willy as the example going under the microscope....he drew an image and everything...guys dont grow up do they XD I did find it funny and sent a picture to harvey he was not impressed XD

Now I am gonna watch anime with hot chocolate with my jack, paint my nails, then were going to bed to play pokemon! Jack has played on it a fair amount of hours today but has been doing the underground so its like a side extra, so hes only done 1 gym. Hes caught me a level 16 houndoom :3 love houndoom

tomorrow

shopping~ dont need much and cus I have too much soup in freezer I dont need to make soup for the week so thats one less thing to do! also got my test to do

its finally over and we are rewarded with pokemon

 I've done it

I got through the week

somehow

without taking any time off

It was a huge effort

I slept better last night thank god but I didnt want to go today and my body felt so tired and worn out. School was just as difficult. I didnt enjoy it. I just wanted to go home

had a bit of asthma attack at school which drained the life out of me

My mum was having several rooms in her house recarpeted today and my  brother had the second part of his interview, he was getting stressed out by the carpets and asked if he could use my house I said this was fine. He made good use of my craft room desk. He was working on his mac book til his interview. Mum made him and herself some lunch and they both in my house XD it was fine and I was glad they felt comfortable enough to do that. Mum also was kind enough to make jack some biscuits, clean the bathroom and kitchen and hoover up!! I am sure cleaning is coping strategy, she found new carpets stressful as it means dust XD

mum came back over for a brew, it was  lovely to see her after school as I havent seen her since the weekend. She also brought a very important delivery.....new pokemon games!!!

Poor Jack just wanted to play on it but waited til after dinner as my brother came in and started telling us about his interview so it was nice having my brother and mum over together ^^ then me and jack had dinner. I laid on the bed afterwards as i was dead.  Jack started pokemon XD I havent been on it yet but think hes had a good hour on it and seems happy with it

I couldnt do any exercise as I am EXHAUSTED and my lungs still burn from asthma

I had a hot bath and now we are gonna watch anime, go bed and play anime ^^

Oz has had the girls over today and hes been inside with us, hes tired bless him

tomorrow

got Oz to clean out, Jack wants TK MAX and I said I would see mum at 11am for a brew~

I NEED an easy weekend

crying into a chest at 1am

 Evening

Last night was god awful

I was in bed for 9pm but got up twice as I couldnt sleep

by 1am I broke up crying, I went to get Jack as I couldnt do it anymore. So he was woken by me crying into his tshirt at 1am.....sorry jack....He was actually totally fine about being woke up.  Hes so supportive he doesnt ever say anything unkind or unhelpful he just made me a tea and fruit loaf and listened to my worries whilst cuddling me. I just cried. I was so tired and done.

I am suppose to take a max of 8 Zapain pain killers per day. I had taken 16....the most I have ever taken in 24 hours. I was so desperate for pain relief

I had gotten so stressed about work, about how busy it is gonna be and how crap I will feel. Jack said "just dont go its fine" I couldnt bare to leave him to it so I said I was going no matter what. It was gone 2am by the time I fell asleep so I managed to get about 4 hours sleep if that

Safe to say I felt like death this morning. My eyes stung and my eyelids were massive, red and puffy. I looked awful

I did nothing at work for over an hour. I couldnt even think. I stayed out the way in a corner of the office

I have done bits and pieces today but nothing major to be honest I cant cope with it all

I did miss my lesson but I have a copy of the test to take home with me

We came home and Jack made me tea and fruit loaf and I sat with Oz. I then died on the bed as I needed the rest. Jack went to the toilet and I think Oz wondered where we had gone and I heard him under the bed XD so I had to get him from under there which was fine. He had dinner with us and I am about to do some bunny yoga with him. By which I mean I will be doing some yoga and he will be a hinderance no doubt XD Then I will have a bath, anime, bed

I miss seeing my mum but I have nothing to give her but I said I would try see her tomorrow, also she might have the new pokemon game delivered by then too

tomorrow

its randomly non-uniform day but I have no enthusiasm for it as I am so tired and the school is so damn hot I just sweat to death anyway.

I will come home and hopefully see mum then we are gonna play some pokemon!

please please, can I have a better night's sleep tonight. I dont think I will make school tomorrow on 4 hours sleep again. I have not sleep through the night for such a long time now TT^TT

Probably gonna be missing my test tomorrow

 Konbanwa

I had a bit better night's sleep

I was in bed for 8:45pm and I was watching Jack game on Pokemon Quest, and drifting off to sleep at 10pm, I got up for a wee and woke up cold but I think my body benefited from not exercising and actually resting after work yesterday. I still didnt want to go school tho >.>

School was awful again

just soooo much going off

I was messing up, things werent getting done properly, no one helps. Its just been awful. I hope to god that Julia or Jack dont ever take a week off. If a teacher was off there would be a paid cover staff member. Support staff off  - others pick up the absence. Which I feel makes us look like we're not as busy as teachers! Yeah right! We have like 100+ lessons to prep a day

I got a bit snarky with a member of staff who always talks to me rudely and today was no exception and I was so fed up of it and tired not to mention the running round I had done for her today. She wasnt meant to hear my snarky comment but I didnt realise she hadnt left the room ^^; she left the room and didnt say anything. She never said thank you or sorry today. Thats how she is. She makes me massively stressed. She has practicals tomorrow too -______-

I was dead on my feet and holding tears in

we got home and I brought oz in straight away. he gave me licks and made me feel better about my day

then we had a different routine tonight, I felt grim from my day sweating at work (from running around - the sweat was running down my back) and so I decided to exercise first then eat.

I put Oz home so I could exercise - his little face thinking I had put him home for the night without his evening treat - as if I would dare!! I was like "no no Oz, youre coming in again later so no treat yet" but of course he doesnt understand. bless him

so I did a grow with Jo for 20mins then appilated then had a shower then did dinner, which didnt take much as we put the stew on in the morning

I got Oz in after we ate. He gave me licks. I tried to do some revision for my test tomorrow but I wasnt feeling it. My brain is just fried. I got all the questions jack wrote for me, wrong. He said I am not in the right frame of mind tonight and to leave it. We also said that realistically I cant go and do the test tomorrow.

Jack needs me as it will leave him alone for an hour to man 10 classrooms

I might not sleep cus of worrying about the test - I NEED SLEEP

I will probably be shattered if I did do the test and not in the right frame of mind and not do as well as I could do. So Jack says I can take a copy home with me and do it over the weekend.

means I am missing my lesson T^T but the only thing we're doing in lesson is the test so I wont miss much I guess! 

So we're just fussing Oz but hes going home in a minute so we can watch anime and go to bed as I am done ><

tomorrow is another practical heavy day - the heaviest day all week

god help us.....

it was so hard today I was in fainting territory

 Konbanwa~~~

Did not sleep well....

was up til 1am

I was in pain and stressing about school and then stressing that I would be too tired for school. I overdosed by 3 times and even then I didnt sleep through the night. It was so unfair. I was so shattered this morning

We got to school

and to say we told the teachers Julia isnt in all  week, it meant basically nothing to them. its been full speed all day. Its been so so so full on. I cried. I was shaking from head to toe as my body was so fatigued and I was getting into fainting territory it was not good

Jack was helping a lot of course he was but he was rushed off his feet too

he kept telling me to sit, said i looked like death

it was crazy hard

I txt mum to say I cant see her after school. I was so defeated

I got home and had fruit loaf I didnt want and a cup of tea. I havent wanted food all day or really. Been a bit too stressed to want or enjoy food

I brought Oz inside, he didnt get long outside as it was dark and he looked  like he wanted to come in :/ So he got spoiled indoors to say the least

I did a different recipe tonight, totally winged it. Noodles and fish. It was ok but I found it a bit sickly, Jack enjoyed it. He doesnt even understand sickly XD

I didnt go any exercise tonight. Trying to tell myself its OK today have a day off. I was worried if I worked out I would faint. I am literally hanging on.

I did 2 maths questions jack set me. He marked them and said I got them right! at first I thought he was just being nice, to try save my feelings. But no I actually got them RIGHT. Something must be going in I guess!

I made some biscuits reluctantly. I ran out and I am fed up of making and eating them. Jack said I would be hungry as I have nothing in place of them. he said he would buy store made cookies - they are very bad for you. I said it was a lovely gesture, and hes right, I will be hungry. But I cant bring myself to eat those cookies. I feel it would be another reason to be up at night - food thoughts. So I made my biscuits, knowing theyre better for me

I had a nice hot bath like perfect temperature 

then just here waiting for bed. Gonna watch anime then go bed. I have asked if I can watch Jack play pokemon quest like I did last night, It was quite soothing watching him.

New pokemon on friday! After suffering all week we get a nice treat~

If I dont sleep tonight I am unsure what state I will be in for work tomorrow....but I cant bare to leave jack to it....theres so much to do its unreal