Yo~
bit earlier to when I usually do my diary but I think I'm out tonight
I slept pretty well last night
but didnt want to get up at 7:30am when mum woke me
I had a physio appointment at 8:30am
so i quickly got ready to go out
the guy was really on it, similar age to me and knew his stuff
and explained how my muscles surrounding my hip just werent working
and what i needed to do to strengthen them
and in time the pain should go
im getting pain as theyre not working properly
he gave me a resistance band - the strongest they have
and he gave me a fair few strengthening exercises to do 3-4 times a week
for a month
he said he can tell by my attitude i would do them
i rang mum who i knew had just popped to the shop
and told her i was finished
i went down to pets at home as on 7th January my little Oz turns 3
so i went and brought him a new treat to try for his birthday
i stocked up on food and treats when i was there and ended up spending
a whole £14 on my little guy 0.0
expensive taste my Ozwald
mum turned up and we went round TK MAXX together
but i didnt get anything i didnt need anything anyway
then we went home and had a brew
i did some dancing and yoga then had a shower
did lunch which was salad and soup
salad twice in a row for lunch and twice given me stomach ache
despite being a safe food for me
the soup was good tho
then i went to bed where i stayed there for 2 and half hours
ive just got up!
im over at jack's tonight
i cant say im fussed but he wants me there
and i guess i havent seen him in a while due him being poorly
he says hes feeling a bit better today tho thank god
so its just a small group of us tonight i think
im not sure if they are going out clubbing
but i certainly wont be leaving the flat and i think jack will use
me as an excuse to not go out as he isnt keen ether
so i might actually see the new year in this year XD
its annoying tho as ive got to constantly think about food
jack has prepped some chicken and sweet potato for us tonight
despite me telling him i can eat alone at home or he can eat something good
but hes fine doing that it seems
so thats dinner, i will take my cereal over and i have a portion of soup
ready in the fridge to take over for lunch tomorrow
it is annoying
i cant even go out for anything to eat really ether or out for a simple brew!
anyway lets talk about 2019
a feel A LOT happened this year
I lost my milliekins
I got a new job
I went full time with my new job
I got jack
I got 2 new additions in the family - Truffle and Tillie
I finished my mental health treatment
I got a new car
I got a new laptop after having mine 9 years
yeah a lot of changes
it was strange how me and my brother both got new jobs and new relationships this year
im quite pleased with how the year went
i think on 1st January this year I'd wrote how'd id like a new job this year and to go abroad
i didnt go abroad this year, my health felt a bit rocky for that and I brought a new car instead with the money. I managed to still sell some art and crafts
As for 2020 a fresh decade
im not 100% sure what I would like to happen really
for a while I thought it would be the year i move out
but realistically i dont think thats gonna happen
so maybe something else big would be nice like a trip to Japan or australia or why not both
maybe it will have to be the year i see more of the world before i settle down with a house and all the expenses that come with it!
so yeah probably travelling
id like to still be with jack if thats possible, without wanting to kill him obviously XD
to keep my job as i know i struggle a lot at times, and it has been suggested numerous times by different people that i go part time, but not happening
i would like to stay full time if i can
and to keep improving my health
i feel like this year made me understand how i worked - mentally
and i accepted that i am different and i do have issues and theyre what makes me, me
id like for physical health to improve tho, theres plenty to work on and i never know how its gonna go its a constant battle and i will keep battling through 2020 decade probably
so thats what id like
to do a big abroad trip
to keep full time working
and to improve my physical health
and for little goals, to keep up with my japanese and art work~
and its not a goal but i wish my pets the best health too
so thats all i think~
this is my last diary for 2019
im about to get ready for the evening to bring in 2020
happy new year all~
Evening
could not sleep last night, was up til 3am...-___-
with bad stomach pains, my fault, id totally eaten the wrong foods
so yeah crap night really
this morning i had a shower and popped out with mum
just food shopping - food mainly for me >.>
then charity shops where i picked up a disney doll as i want to do a doll
in return for my cousin
i came home and went on my laptop a bit
then almost fell asleep as mum made us both a salad
it was alright but mum had tried to add bits were bits were missing
as i cant eat peppers or tomatoes so she put in grape and red onion
the grape i could deal with the red onion was gross i dont like onion unless
its hidden in sauces so that bit was a bit gross
then we went outside to clean cars
mine was so filthy
i came in and made soup from scratch
totally winged a vegetable one
its not hard making soup really
ive froze 4 portions for school
i managed not to sleep today which is an achievement
given how little i slept and how tired i am
i had soup for dinner
such a dull day for food T^T
this morning my first brew of the day i made with coconut milk and honey
it was gross
i couldnt finish it
it depressed me
so when i went shops i chose a green tea with fruits and a fruit tea
ive tried both and both were nice
both dont compare to my usual black tea
but i guess i gotta get on with it
and tomorrow my parents are having pizza bread T^T
i obviously cant join in on that one so i will source my own dinner damn it >.>
i tried to do some dance practice tonight but im so tired
i will go downstairs and do some yoga tho
then paint my nails tonight
i sat with Oz earlier
and mum gave him cereal in front of me >< damn it woman
she said "he shouldnt have to go without as well"....damn it
i cant argue cus it makes Oz happy
i cut his claws this morning too
tomorrow its new years eve!
the last day of this decade
im never arsed
just a new date to me really
but i think jack is suppose to be having people over, not that him or theo have invited people over yet...i told him if he doesnt feel up to me coming over to actually say
but think he's wanting to see me
theo has returned to him today so im glad hes got company
he still feels rotten tho
so yeah think i might be spending the night there really :/
nothing special
i shall have to make sure i have food with me no doubt
KOnbanWA
I actually slept pretty well
i took the tablet to be with me and watched some predia
and then read til 11pm and woke up at 8:30am
i dont feel like ive done much all day really
jack is poorly with a rotten cold so i couldnt spend time with him
and i havent felt like doing a lot
i helped take the xmas decorations down in the morning
and looked at skin products online and ordered a couple of things to try
then i had lunch which gave me stomach pains
but i was determined to eat something good
as sadly today is my last day of food freedom
tomorrow i start my auto immune diet....ugh
so ive eaten allllll the wrong things today XD
up yours diet
i did some dancing and i got hot and sweaty
i laid on my bedroom floor as i couldnt be arsed to shower but i did eventually
then i pretty much went to bed cus why not really
kills some of the day and id killed myself off!
i got up and did a bit of digital drawing but found no enjoyment in it
it got to 4pm and i asked mum what we had for dinner tonight
potato...no no no
not on my last day of freedom!
i checked the freezer, no pizza
cupboards, no biscuits
we had chocolate from christmas that ive snacked on all day
but i was not settling for potato for dinner
so complained and whined and pouted
and announced i was going to the shops for 'bad' food XD
mum caved and decided to come with me and brought me pizzas and biscuits
so thats what we had
pizza and i had some potato with it >.> compromises and all that
im having hot chocolate and biscuits later damn right i am!
making the most of this damn it
as im so gonna miss my sugar
i was suppose to be on a sugar binge today but my partner in crime aka jack
is poorly and was unable to help me in my hour of need T^T
he feels bad
and cus of how annoying i was to mum, mum was like "when's he taking you off my hands!?"
X3
not sure what i will do tonight
ive done nothing lately
like bugger all
but im just so tired
i might try doing a bit more of my digital drawing
tomorrow not sure what i will be doing
apart from pining for the usual good things in life....
im sure i can do it
its gonna suck balls tho
gotta do it for at least 6 weeks!
Evening
After my rather depressing christmas followed mia's birthday
i went over in the morning with her present
i sat with her rob and walt whilst she opened her many gifts
and we had a brew and talked about our christmas's
then at 12pm i left for home
i had chicken cob which about killed me
i went to sleep to escape the pain of it all
last on i went to see jack
he had presents for me from his family :3
his mum brought me a little cat plush, make up brushes and bunny slippers
his sister brought me make up brushes
and other sister chocolate
his nan treated me to an eye shadow palette consisting of 196 colours...
Jo was almost dribbling over it
its strange tho as only this week has i looked at eye shadow palettes online
and looked how ditched my make up brushes are
glad i didnt buy anything
we made dinner
and didnt do a great deal else as i was shattered surprise surprise
in the morning i had taken over a bath bomb i got in a christmas set from mia
and i had a bath at jacks as sadly i dont have bath
the water was sooooo pink and sparkly
great way to start the day
i took over my cereal so i had a safe dinner the night before and safe breakfast
and i had no stomach issues
i fell asleep after my bath, jack got ready and by 1pm we actually left his flat XD
talk about a lazy morning
but its weird when im with him i actually do nothing
a task i struggle like hell to do by myself
so sometimes it does me good i think
we went round a few shops
finally getting jack a new pair of shoes as his are awful
and some food off the market so i could make some more cereal
we ate noodles out - my choice
and it crippled me
but noodles are so damn good -___-
after i recovered at jack's
he taught me how to make the cereal
and this time we didnt give it as long in the microwave
then i went home
the whole day i was with jack tho his nose was runny and he was sniffly
so i felt something was up with him
i had told mum i didnt want dinner as i ate lunch late but also
couldnt face more pain
so whilst she hadnt done me any dinner there was cake to polish off
which i did and suffered
today i was rudely woken at 5:30am by my stomach and the need to go to the toilet with crippling stomach pains. i swear life just aint fair
i got a phone call from mia saying her party was off tonight as too many people had said they couldnt make it due to poor health. i felt really sorry for her cus it was her birthday thing
i got a txt off jack saying he is poorly and to stay away
theo is also poorly
everyone is dropping like flies!
so today i went for a walk with mum in the morning
then had a shower
id had my cereal and mum had made me soup from my new diet book which was nice
just a lil too gingery XD burnt my tongue off
then i fell asleep
waste half my life in that bed
when i got up i wrote stuff up on my new 2020 calendar
polished my room as it was a lil dusty
put stuff way from christmas i still hadnt done
did a bit of yoga
and a bit of dance
the whole time i was so low on energy
my lips are pale and my muscles ache
tomorrow i havent got any plans
probably spend a lot of the day by myself really
as jack has told me to stay away
and i think people are busy
shops are busy and ransacked
so yeah might be a dull day really :/
here is the card i made for mia
she loved it and loved the dog blanket i made for her/walt
Merry Christmas~~
I woke up pretty late after having a restless night
i woke up feeling awful
hoping the 10 tablets i start my day would help me i went downstairs for them
to find the girls running around the hall X3
i saw on my phone that Jack had been woken up at 7am by his sisters XD
he didnt get a lay in and he'd already opened stuff
he loved everything i did for him ^^
after taking my meds i felt worse
and this was not how i wanted to spend my christmas!
i had my special breakfast and then laid on my bed
my brother was saying how it didnt feel like christmas
it was 10am and i hadnt heard a christmas song or anything
my dad was doing his usual every day routine like it wasnt christmas
and was happy to announce he had made it to 10am without putting the tv or radio on
like he thinks its an achievement to make it feel as unfestive as he can for everyone
anyway at this point we decided to open presents
i got some nice bits
jack had brought me a lucky cat you put in the microwave to warm you up
tara brought me pokemon stationary, face packs and a cake thing
mia brought me a hug box of body washes, hot chocolate i love, and a car smelly i love
my brother had thoughtfully brought me some bulbs to go in my car so and hes fitted them so now my car glows purple pink and blue when i open it up X3 and he brought me lion king as i think he wants me to see it
mum had brought me new pyjamas, socks, slippers, a key chain
karen a little needle felt kit and a mug
probably my most unusual present was that from my cousin
which is also my birthday present from february but she couldnt send it
an amazing card
a doll she has given a new hair style too and made a kimono for
and a vulpix plushie
the doll is amazing and so weird
i cant stop looking at her its just so weird and unique
so yeah i got some nice pieces
after we opened stuff i headed to bed cus i felt so rotten and had no one please
id also, like my mum, had enough of dad already
i got up and went for a walk
i came in and had a brew and then a shower
took a few christmas photos as id drawn sparkles on my face so i wanted to photograph it
went on my laptop
helped mum with the dinner
stayed out of dad's way
had dinner which was hard work in dad's presence
died of stomach pains
but still had the sponge and custard we have every year
i forced it down me but it was so damn good
my brother went to his girlfriends for the night im a little envious of him
i could have gone and saw jack but im tired and cant face looking happy for people
he says his parents, nan and sisters have all got me gifts tho
later mum came to talk to me about how hard work dad is
and i told her im not staying here next christmas as its been so depressing
that i'll be anywhere but here. i only stayed this year out of loyalty to her
she said she's going to look into a marriage councillor...
so you know youve had a cracking family christmas when thats mentioned
but something does need to be done
he brings the whole house down
he didnt buy anyone anything or even look grateful for his gifts
but its not just christmas its every day family life
its hard with him but on days like this it feels extra effort when it shouldnt
i feel he's ruined my christmas in a way
hes barely even spoken to me
but its done now
done for another whole year
next year i might go japan for christmas
anywhere but here
but my poor mum...
anyway ive got a whole year before i have to go through it again
tomorrow it's mias 28th birthday
and i will go visit her ^^
and i think jack wants to see me
so i shall see how the day goes
Evening
Didnt sleep too bad
but i had a dream of being in a bad area and running away with a guy with a big gun....
wasnt pleasant
i started my day with my new cereal and new milk
i had a handful of cereal which turned out to be enough
the milk was fine tho just watery
the cereal was good, nothing like ive had before so i cant compare it to normal cereal
as its like a totally different meal
but im pleased with it and it didnt give me stomach pains
i told jack and he says he has enough to do another batch so he will show me how to do it
this morning i helped mum bath the pigs as my god they smelt
truffle and tillie havent had a bath before
molly has had 1 previous bath with us
truffs went first and wasnt too bad but she'd soon had enough
tillie freaked even before touching the water
molly complained and kicked about
but they were done
and now all soft and cuddly and smell loads better
i finished mia's card which didnt take much doing
im actually pleased with it for a change!
whilst the pig were still drying in the hall i walked to the shops with mum
with my pyjama top on, joggers and a coat
full slob XD
but such freedom!
we came home and had lunch
and i was determined not to fall asleep!
i cut the chicken up ready for tomorrow
as theres only 4 of us we have a whole chicken instead of turkey
as we'd end up eating turkey for days...
mum cooked it today as it was only in date today
then she made the sponge cake tomorrow so she doesnt have to do it tomorrow
i licked the bowl ^^
sat with my Ozwald for a brew
he was a bit off with me tho for some reason
i went for a walk with mum
then had a brew
after the brew i attempted to take a photo of the girls
it did not go well...
none of them kept still, we even gave them cucumber
but no just squabbled and walked around
in the end mum did a whistle, they stopped and i took a snap and this is what i got
this was the best picture -____-
it will do
jack gave me a little knitted hat he got and i was gonna use it in the photo shoot
but i will tell you what happened to said hat
its under truffle's foot in the photo....
thats what she thought to it
i changed my bed and sorted out a few bits in my room
my room needs a dust this week :)
i looked at make up online, Jo is always drawn to eye shadows but i dont need anymore...
i started doing a bit of digital drawing but it really does suck
its not neat at all and its crushing my soul
but it should come with practice...
tonight im not staying up late or anything
im just proud of myself not falling asleep today as my god i could have done
then its actually sodding christmas tomorrow 0.0
just be the 4 of us and my brother will go to sleep over at his girlfriends in the even
jack says he might ring. he's stuck at his mums house now til boxing day XD
i know he'd love to see me but im not sure how dead i will be
i hope everyone likes their gifts this year
and it will be good to get the day done and dusted ^^
then i can die quietly somewhere
Evening~
didnt sleep great
got up for a hot chocolate at 12:30
this morning i started working on a birthday card for mia
its almost done it was just drying so i couldnt continue with it
then i decided to do a bit of dancing which ended up
being a 45 minute session
after i sat and ate a apple then showered
went on my laptop and sorted a few bits out on my ipod
made a salad for my lunch
went outside and sat with truffle on my knee
she needs a hair cut
mum has decided this and so have i
but i cant work with mum there
so i did it whilst she was at work
truffle sat so beautifully on my knee and even stretched out!!
she looks and feels so much better and neater too
i think shes even pleased with it
im so glad it went well ^^
drifted off to sleep for 30mins
waiting and waiting for jack to say i could come over
even tho i felt like death
i just knew it was the last present run to do and i could rest once it was done
i set off but if im honest i didnt feel safe driving
it occurred to me half way that i probably wasnt that fit for driving...
i got to jacks he saw the state i was in and said i should have told him
and he could have come to mine but i said he'd been over to me the past few times
he told me that it didnt matter
he wasnt annoyed at me
we went inside and i literally just laid on his bed in his dressing gown
we talked and laughed
and i said i wanted to see the christmas market
i couldnt believe how many shoppers there still was at 5pm tho!
i brought a pulled pork, stuffing and apple sauce cob from the market
which was really really good, jack was having food that evening with his family
but i brought him 5 pigs in blankets from the same stall as i dont like eating alone
we got back to his and i just laid again
trying and hoping not to get stomach pains (i have them now of course)
he said i need to have some of my christmas present now as its in the fridge...
he said that was why it took him so long to get ready this morning, it took longer than he thought to make...
jo is secretly hoping for a cake *0*
we went upstairs and he got out his fridge a mason jar filled with granola
he said "its safe for you to eat, its all things you can eat on the new diet. I mixed all this together with mashed banana and baked it. wasnt too hard. i hope it tastes ok. and here's coconut milk too"
i was really touched
i couldnt believe he'd gone to the trouble of doing this for me
even i havent looked that much at my new diet
he said "i know youre a cereal addict and will find losing cereal the hardest part"
tis true tis true
so yes i can not wait to try it
i havent tried coconut milk ether
but he said if i like it theres more stuff to make it from and he can teach me how to make it in the holidays.
even tho i havent started my new diet yet im gonna eat it tomorrow as it doesnt keep for as long normal cereal
but it will be nice to have something safe to eat in the morning as i havent been bothering with breakfast in all honesty. unless you count a yogurt or apple.
then i left him as he was going to meet his family at a pub at 7:30pm for food
i was really glad i wasnt going
i was dead and he could see that
i could tell he wanted to see me for christmas and said id be welcome over
but i said i havent promised him anything because this is the state im in currently
he understands but it doesnt make me feel any less crap about it all or about myself
i have borrowed Flump for over christmas
i got home
pyjamas and talked with mum
she was impressed with the cereal
santa came on his sleigh on the street being pulled by his usual Volvo
always feels like christmas when i see him do the annual round
gonna sit with Oz now
who will probably love my new cereal as its got everything in it he eats! no lie there!
i might show it him tomorrow
then im going bed as im exhausted
tomorrow i will finish mia's birthday card
and maybe do some art
and bath the girls! the babies havent had a bath yet so theyre gonna be all nice for christmas
and rest
just bloody rest
Evening
didnt sleep too bad
but woke up at 5:30am for a massive wee >.>
annoying as it took me a while to sleep again after that
i cut the girl's claws for the first time with mum this morning
tillie looked like she was in shock XD surprisingly truffle was well behaved
hopefully they will behave when its their first bath too
I finished my wrapping this morning
its up to standard i think
did 30 mins of yoga too
cus i was rather stiff this morning
then i went to bed feeling rotten
got up and showered
and went for a walk
then i had mia's table cloth to do
didnt take too long but its done
went over to mia's at 4:30pm
it was just me and her
and waltie of course
i gave her the bulbasaur plant pot and cactus and she loved it so i was pleased
couldnt leave that in a present bag for a few days it felt wrong
to leave a plant out of the sun even if it a hardy cactus
we sat and talked which was nice
then i came home for foodage
ive managed a decent lunch and dinner today
and not paid too dearly for it ether which has been nice
tomorrow~
im home alone so might work on some dancing if i have the energy
then seeing jack as i have his christmas present to give
his is the last one i have to give out
he says im invited out for food in the evening with his family
but im unsure whether or not to go basically
as ive told him that all id be able to eat would be the soup
whilst they all had full on meals
but he says not to worry as some of the are recovering from colds and stuff
so wont think twice about me being careful what food im eating as they might not eat much too
but yeah its how i feel about it
and also my energy levels
so i guess i will have to see how i feel
also id have to sleep over at jacks probably and i know mum wants to wash the girls for the first time tuesday morning and i said id help. if i stay at jacks that messes that up
i have loads of time to see him in the holidays anyway i guess
see what i feel like doing
in all honesty i dont know if i can be bothered to go out
but i havent shown my face in a while to his family
but i shall see
ive missed out on every other christmas activity this year whats one more XD
Evening
I was up til midnight as i just couldnt sleep really
got up this morning and mum had the girls in the hall
they stress me out XD truffle is running everywhere and molly oinks for more food...
i cleaned Oz out
then i sat looking at this diet i have got to go on
ordered a book on it too
did 45mins of dancing/yoga which was hard but felt good
and had a shower
by this point it was 11am and i realised it had been nearly 24 hours since
i had last eaten so decided i should get some food really
i had a piece of cheese on toast
gave me a bit of stomach ache but not too bad
jack came over after lunch to see me
he'd been out for 3 hours in the morning with theo finishing his
christmas shopping he said everywhere was packed
we werent going out for lunch anymore as his step dad wasnt feeling well
i told him he's welcome to come over but it wont be exciting
because theres no where we can go everywhere is packed and wet
but he came over
we sat and had a brew and talked
then went for a walk before i fell asleep
then watched anime and then i walked him to the bus stop
he was having people over tonight for drinks then going out for drinks
i was invited but there was no way in hell i was going
im shattered anyway
my parents were having take away pizza i was offered it
but couldnt face having it
so had a bit of bread and a yogurt
but its hurt my stomach a bit
feel like its getting worse
and im convinced ive lost weight on my chest and butt
cus everything falls down on me and when i looked at the bra i had on
i wasnt filling it...and im sure i used to.
but i wouldnt know if i have lost weight as i dont weigh myself
it makes me a lil mental to say the least
tomorrow i am sorting this table cover of mia's
wrapping hers and jack's christmas presents and also mia's birthday present whilst im at it
might do some drawing too
its only 8pm and im so tired
body is tired and eyes stinging
go to bed early i think
not sure what i will read in bed tho as i finished reading the book ive been reading for weeks its the first 5 books of Overworld Chronicles which i have enjoyed it was like 1700pages!
theres 18 books total and like £3.80 each :/ so i will find something else to read
Evening
Did not sleep
didnt sleep til 2am
i ached and couldnt sleep
but laying in bed all day and not exercising is literally the worst thing i can do to myself
so it was to be expected
i even got up for a hot chocolate but it made no odds
i was shattered this morning
truly shattered
it was nice not having to have a cold shower tho as i think that would have finished me off
i got to school and waited for jack
he was questioning whether i should be in or not, guess i looked bad XD
i did all the little jobs i needed to do before we broke up
we took the lift at around 11:30am to go to julia's car as she had brought in a load of glass ware from her husbands work place, soooooo many bottles. about £2000 worth...
i got in the lift with jack to go back upstairs
upon getting out the lift i almost fainted....
i know i was asking a lot of my body but i was almost there damn it!
julia saw and her and jack helped me into the print room opposite the lift and i sat in a chair
shaking
i told them id be fine
few mins later the school nurse pops in....ugh
me and her are like BFF i feel XD she sees me so much and not for the right reasons
i told her i was fine i just wasnt doing wel and havent been digesting food properly for 7 weeks now, she asked if i had been doctors i said no. she said i should go for a blood test to see if i am lacking any vitamins and stuff. but hell with that. i aint volunteering myself for that
i got up and walked to the prep room where i sat at my computer and typed up a tech guide
then it was lunch
christmas lunch no less
it wasnt bad actually
and the cake and custard at the end was good but tiny portions >.>
luckily for me chris gave me his pudding ^^ so i was happy
but also incredibly full
and the stomach pain soon encroached upon me
at this point we were going home anyway
i got home and went to bed
got up and still had stomach pains
had a brew with Ozwald
then laid on my bed with stomach pains
its 8:30pm and the pain has kinda gone but feels burny now
mum didnt make me eat dinner i told her i ate so much at lunch i couldnt face more food and more stomach pain
did a bit of dancing
got to the end of onepixcel's final call
i want to do girls dont cry next which doesnt look too bad
tomorrow im gonna dance in the morning
well id like to anyway
not sure how dead i will be
then not sure what i will do
at 2pm im set to have a lunch out with jack's family
not sure yet if im seeing him before or after the meal
see what he wants to do
hes got a night out with the lads in the evening so i know im not staying
he says i can go out with them but hell no on that one
last saturday before christmas.....suicide
but what i will do with the rest of the day remains to be seen
i have mia's table cloth to do and her present to wrap
as im seeing her sunday evening
right im all done with school now til i think its 6th jan
have all that time to literally recover
and start my new no-fun-diet
it is good knowing i can recharge tho
Evening
I was so tired when I got up
it was hard facing another cold shower and cold house
but i got on with it
telling mum i wasnt feeling that good but hoped i could see the day through
got to school
and no one talked about the bowling and meal evening i missed in front of me
head of science said it was sad id missed it but maybe i can go next time
i didnt feel well really
and i know i looked deathly
by 10am i made the decision to go home
i got a bit teary but it was out of frustration
i feel like ive missed out on everything lately and everything is getting taken away from me
i told jack life isnt fair
i felt shaky, dizzy, exhausted and sick
i wasnt good
and i thought when i come to smelling those rats i will be sick
so i went home
i was in my bed at 10:40am
and thats where i stayed til 6pm
i had cheese on toast for lunch other than that i just fell in and out of sleep
getting up at 6:30pm to do dinner for me and mum
as she went to christmas yoga
so that made all 3 of my christmas events gone from me
i had missed them all
dad had a go at me about my diet cus of course his logic is always correct
so i argued that back
cus thats what i felt like doing after spending the day in bed - an argument
but he couldnt care less
asked if i was going school tomorrow
how the hell should i know!!? course id like to bloody go
im going anyway whether i not i make the whole day remains to be seen
jesus
had a shower and plaited my hair
so im not showering in the morning
i get an extra half hour in bed tomorrow cus of not showering
im only at school til like 1pm so i can shower when i get home
having christmas dinner at school tomorrow for free
its christmas jumper day so im borrowing mums as i dont have one
it might drown me a bit tho
but still im going and i want to finish the day
fed up of feeling so crap
not done any exercise today just cus i havent been able to
