the first of many covers

 Evening

I did 40mins of bunny yoga last night, by which I mean I did yoga with Oz XD towards the end I am doing down dogs and had a baggy top on so I couldnt always see, I didnt want to kick him so I gave him some dry food and he sat eating that the last 10mins. So he did 30mins of bunny yoga XD its so cute, I get my face, arms, neck, ears licked by him. Dont need a shower afterwards! He loves it and thinks youre doing it all for him. I took him home and had a bath. 

I got into bed at 8:45pm and looked at my phone, I had a txt off my brother saying he had managed to get the new job he was interviewed for last monday!! I was so happy for him and relieved. I was gonna call him but it was late. So I got up out of bed and went on my laptop for 5mins and ordered him a card. I want to show I am bothered and I am proud of him. He will be working for a clothing company as a junior photo editor!

Jack came to bed at this time, he finished gaming with harvey and theo so he could play pokemon with, honestly best of both worlds that guy. All the books from the book shelves had been left all over my craft room floor (literally can only just get in and out of there!) so he could go game >.> but its fine

I got to sleep around 11pm, woke up at 4:30am for a wee then got back to sleep but still felt exhausted when I woke up. I am fed up of waking up and feeling on low battery all the god damn time T^T

I was stupidly anxious this morning. Why!? My stomach felt like a washing machine, I felt so sick. When I was in the prep room I was actually going dizzy and my vision wasnt great, I was unsteady on my feet. Jack was concerned and kept telling me to sit down. I knew I wasnt well tho. My body was shaking and shivering despite the fact it was anything but cold in that prep room. I could feel tears at the back of my eyes. Its just anxiety and mental health. Mine is just really bad the moment.

I told Jack I couldnt cope and was going home as this week I need to look after myself and I refuse to cry at work!!

I came home and went to bed, I got up and did some digital drawing for school

I had a stretch in my seat just putting my arms above my head and leaning back but in doing so my chair tipped back!!! I knew books were right behind me, I didnt want to damage them so I somehow quickly twisted (it was like all in slow motion some how!) and I fell to the side the chair narrowly missing the books. I hurt the muscles in the side of my back and I have bruised my knee cap and even got a carpet burn on it!!! 10mins later mummy showed up

I had lunch with mum and then continued working on the picture, emailing it to Jack at work as he was asking teachers opinions and such. 

So it slowly evolved. This is for the topic Adaptation + Inheritance

the staff loved it obviously XD so I am hoping thats the first of many front covers done!

We print in black and white so I am not gonna bother colouring it in

I had to go pick Jack up, I couldnt be bothered but its fine I got on with it. I did guilt him on the way home saying I had an accident in my craft room cus of him. Because he chose to game instead of clearing the books away. He said I should have fell on them and damaged them. But I would never do that! I said I needed compensating he asked if i accepted sexual favours.......XD men

we got home and had a cup of tea and then he started putting the books away and I did the dinner by myself. We had noodles which ended up just looking and smelling like a fancy pop noodle but Jack enjoyed it.

I cut the meat up for the stew tomorrow then doing my diary

I plan to go on just dance in a bit then having a bath then playing pokemon in bed. I dont think Jack is gaming tonight so maybe I might get anime too :3

tomorrow is school, and I dont have shed loads to do but I have enough to be getting on with

I just hope I can bloody cope

I want sleep and rest

4 hours sleep for a monday morning

 Evening

Did I get to sleep last night? course not >3> 

Honestly it is so unfair!!!!

I took Ozwald home and went for a bath at 8pm and then played pokemon by myself in bed til 9:30pm Jack came to bed at 9:45pm and I stayed up watching him play pokemon as I couldnt sleep

too much anxiety about school ><

he turned his switch off at midnight and asked if I was ok, I replied "yeah....."

he fell asleep 0.0 as fast as that!!! He was so fast falling asleep

I was so envious....

I got up and stayed up til 2am, I had some fruit loaf as I was so hungry by this point, it has been 8 hours since I had last eaten I guess

I came to bed after taking more pain killers and I slept til my alarm of 6:15pm T^T 4 hours sleep for a monday morning

I defrosted the snow off my car, there was still snow everywhere....

I didnt want to go to school, just didnt want to go really

I got there and got on with stuff, feeling like my eyes were being pulled down

when I looked in the mirror in the toilets I looked pale and had dark rings under my eyes

I looked awful

I thought about going home, but didnt want to leave Jack to find his own way home. So I decided I would literally do the bare minimum today

I refuse to cry this week

so I ether stayed at school and hardly do much (which is so boring and makes my day so long) or I go home and get more done but only digital work. If I worked myself hard at school I knew it would quite literally end in tears

So I have hardly done much at school. Its so dull and it feels like such a waste of life 

we came home and theres still snow in the garden! 

I had a cup of tea but didnt want fruit loaf really, I had some chocolate instead. We brought Oz in straight away so he's enjoying the living room bless him. 

I made dinner, I had left over chips I had made yesterday, 2 sausage and an egg. I made Jack an amazing dinner, he had a mini baguette and on it I put 4 sausages, 2 hash browns, 2 eggs and wrapped it in tin foil so it was easier for him to eat it. He couldnt believe his luck he was well happy with that as he thought he was just getting a sausage cob XD love making food he likes

I am just with Oz now, I have got to do some form of exercise and have a bath and stuff. Jack is gonna go game soon now I have got him fed and washed.

I plan on playing pokemon by myself in bed tho :)

tomorrow is school, not much on practical wise so I may be ok

I just need sleep. I feel so drained like I have done all day. 

Sometimes my thoughts are quite bad in the middle of the night but its just cus im fed up of it all

Snow Again!?

 Konbanwa

I was up til 1am I couldnt switch off and then of course I was aching

I slept through the night after pain killers and woke up at 8am with a headache

we went for our food shop, which was uneventful

when we came home I just had a cup of tea instead of having a snack as well

we made my soup, I cooked my breakfast meat, I made biscuits. I was in that kitchen 90mins!

After lunch I went to bed but couldnt sleep so I got up

It was snowing lightly so I said to Jack I wanted to go for a walk in it, and it came down more whilst we were out then all afternoon it has snowed heavily, heck my friend has even made a full on snowman!

Jack was hoovering the living room and discovered we have quite the mould problem....I mean I realised our window frames in several rooms were going black again but the mould issue round the patio door....its all up the curtains, the book cases, the walls....I told Jack to leave it for another weekend but he wouldnt hear of it. Saying that black mould is really bad for asthma. But because he was doing this we had to empty the book cases out so all books are in my craft room. The living stunk of mould remover which smells like heavy bleach, stuff everywhere. So Oz couldnt play inside for hours and he didnt want to play out in the snow ether XD

When dinner time came round I brought Oz in

hes soooooo much better today, hes full of beans! Hes so lively! He must be feeling better in himself today which I am glad of. I am grateful he pulled through ^^ So I spent time fussing him ^^

Jack is gaming tonight but said he didnt have to but I said he could, that Id be fine

despite bringing up sick twice whilst eating my dinner ^^; anxiety sucks

he says I can grab him if I need him

I have been working on the art piece for school, designing a science mascot. I have made them gender neutral

Think of giving them a gender neutral name of Jamie or Alex too

I was glad to get it finished for work anyway~

I can not believe the snow tho, fingers crossed that school boiler breaks :D

Actual snow in November!

 Konbanwa~

We played pokemon in bed together til nearly 11pm! I took some more pain killers and fell asleep til 8am which was a huge relief as I didnt feel too corpsed when i woke up

But when I did wake up I noticed something....

it was snowing....

like really snowing and settling....

what the hell!? its november!! we dont see snow til January/February usually

it was quite shocking to be honest

we were suppose to see harvey and theo but I told Jack that I was not going out in this!

However over the hour it turned to sleet and eventually stopped

really weird 

My Ozwald tho...

yesterday I thought he was a bit off, like I wondered if he had tummy ache. Also when I picked him up he bit me which is totally out of character - he did lick me afterwards to say sorry

Today tho when I got him out first thing I noticed was his bum was a bit gross so Jack helped me clean him up. I went to clean him out and he didnt help much. I cleaned the bathroom then locked him up and we went out to pudding pantry

we met up and I had a cookie dough which was nice and just the right amount I took my time and managed to eat it all. It was good to see the guys, it does me good to see people even if I am not feeling it. jack had a full breakfast.

We came home and I went straight to check on Oz. We had only been out 90mins so I hadnt left him too long but when I entered the garage I noticed the smell.....yeah I could smell him bless him.

I picked him up and yup he was a mess. so I carried him quickly into the house not wanting to get poo on my clothes. I shouted Jack and we cleaned him up but he had tummy ache I could see it. 

I googled what could be wrong with him as I didnt know what was upsetting him, he wasnt having anything out of the norm. Turns out I think I was feeding him too much pellets. I was putting pellets down whilst he was in the house but didnt think to give him hay also and he NEEDS the hay.

Understood!

So I have been giving him little bits and pieces took keep him topped up with food to keep his stomach ticking over, its not good for them to stop eating and drinking as they go down hill so fast. I gave him fuss and more fuss and made sure he had access to water which he did drink.

Eventually he passed 'normal' poos so I was relieved and to be honest I think he was! he started hopping round and gave me lots of licks. I think he understands I was trying to help. I have kept him inside all day as its been horrible out there and it said to keep them warm when bunnies are feeling off. Also Jack has pretty much spend his day gaming on pokemon on the TV in the living room so he has been with Oz and tells me if he eats any hay or anything.

But Oz seems to be sitting more comfortably now at least. So I believe hes through the worst of it. I will find something to put hay in

I had a sleep during the day

I did some digital drawing for school

I rang my mum (which made me feel better as my stomach was in knots with Oz)

I cooked dinner which I didnt really want so I didnt have much to be honest but I am glad I didnt have much! Now I need to do some exercise. I am wondering if to dance to one of my Buono! Dvds 

I went on just dance yesterday which I enjoyed but I did it without the weights

we are gonna play pokemon in bed again tonight ^^ its really soothing to do it

tomorrow

got weekly food shop and food to make and cook. I am gonna be in that kitchen for some time....

I just hope my bunny its up to full strength tomorrow~

went home again to look after myself

 Evening

We played pokemon together in bed for over an hour. I was so determined to find a decent Buneary and I eventually got one. I took more pain killers and climbed into bed and slept through the night

I slept but I still felt drained of life when I woke up like my body was shaking and I had a headache. I started getting ready for school and whilst doing my skin care I thought about school and tears started running down my face. Jack came into my craft room and asked me which tea Id like and saw my tears "oh my Jo whats wrong!?" I said - pointing to my face - "this is JUST thinking about school"

I still went to school

the whole time feeling like I was gonna be sick and just wanting to go home

I looked at the day, I had 1 practical which was small and I got it prepped. I wrote out the lessons for Monday and got it all prepped and announced at 9:30am to Jack that I was going home

I need to look after myself

that job is not worth making myself poorly

So he walked me to reception. I felt so guilty leaving but I refused to shed any more tears at work this week. I went home and I went to bed

I got up and started doing the biology work I didnt do in class

mum came over for lunch it was good to see her

she got upset tho. I have made both Jack and Mum upset this week TT^TT

she just feels frustrated with it all and wishes she was here for me and wants to do more for me. Mental health just sucks. She is just annoyed with my illnesses in general. Its just all unfair

When she left I did more biology work then went to bed and sweated to death from having nightmares I couldnt wake up and it was 5pm when I woke up, it was dark and i had no idea where Oz was. I just couldnt wake up I couldnt escape the nightmare. Worked out it was because i had not had my meds at lunch so I got them down me (literally cant be trusted with my meds) and I found Oz in his cage thank god and I brought him in

Jack came home shortly after, he had made his own way home and had to go through the city centre and he kindly brought us doughnuts! They look so good we are gonna halve them so we can have both.

I was relieved to have him home. He was suppose to have gaming for the first time in 5 weeks and I wasnt looking forward to him leaving me for 4 hours but I thought it would do him good to play and talk with his friends. He told me he wasnt playing tonight....he wasnt in the mood. He is too tired and just wants to be with me and Oz. I was so relieved. I felt so selfish but its his decision. So we are gonna play pokemon in bed and we have doughnuts soon too. I said we would have a bath first then have dessert. 

I might have a few dances on just dance as my exercise tonight

I also have the job of finding Jack some jeans online as his work jeans have worn a 2" hole in the crotch area so I said I would do that for him. 

Tomorrow

we are meeting harvey and theo at 10am for pudding pantry breakfast. I looked at the menu last night and all there dishes I like half of it but not the other half what comes with it so I said to Jack I would just have some ice cream as I will enjoy that more.

not sure what we're doing after that. Probably rest and recover. I have biology work to do as well for school, some digital work.

I got through the week but had two days of working from home but need to catch up on that work over the weekend. i am hoping next week at work will not be as horrible.

Crying my eyes out at work, a good friend passes away

 Evening

We played pokemon together in bed for a whole hour last night it was healing I enjoyed my time with Jack, being warm cuddled up and playing pokemon together. Sad thing is that my tens machine isnt working very well so I need a new one T^T it is old but I HATE spending money on my health >.>

I didnt sleep that well, I had nightmares and was dripping with sweat in the night and when I woke up this morning. I also felt dizzy this morning, I would have LOVED a shower but no time for that

soon realised why I was the way I was - I had forgotten AGAIN to take my antidepressant 

FOR GODS SAKE JO ITS NOT HARD!!!! I have forgotten to take meds so many times this year its untrue. Im on my 11th year now of taking meds, youd think Id be good at it! But I guess when you take 17 tablets a day its easy to miss one, if I took 2 tablets a day youd notice easily if one was missing

I got to school

cant tell you how many times I cried today, seriously lost count.

I just wasnt good. I knew I wasnt

then I had a txt from lynn saying "just letting you know that Den passed away on tuesday"

no bloody way

my heart sank. it didnt feel real

I was ok, for all of 5 mins

Jack came in and asked if I was ok, and I told him and just broke down in tears and then had a big crying sobbing fit about how unfair my life was. That I hated my illness, being in constant pain, not sleeping, having to endure work like this, that my weekends go to recovery, for what? Ill be dead soon as well!

Poor Jack

he has had his hands full this week with me

I cried all morning but stayed at school as I wanted to go to my biology lesson, I didnt want to miss it

I composed myself for my lesson but I knew my face was red, blotchy and swollen. I still went. We had a 5min video and only when it ended did I realise I hadnt been listening to a word of it. Luke then got the text books out and we had a fair amount of textbook work to do which meant reading. Reading small black txt on a white page whilst tired, not in the right frame of mind, with a classroom of chatty teenagers. I picked my stuff up and left the room to have a cry in office

I was annoyed at myself for having another obstacle in my life - my dyslexia. It felt like just another kick in the teeth, something for me to struggle with. So I have since photocopied the page onto green and I will do the work in my own time

chris saw me out side the prep room and said I looked like I needed a hug - hes never hugged me - and I said "no ill cry" he hugged me and I cried! he took me into the prep room and we talked about stuff and the teacher came for her textbook id borrowed for luke's lesson and I told chris I didnt have my own textbook and that I had a dyslexic meltdown, he says he might be able to help me. If he cant he says school can buy me my own textbook

we had lunch but I didnt feel like it to be honest

Chris found me again after lunch, I was just silently crying to myself (like I said I was BAD today) he was like "yeah youre really not good today" 

I got my lessons prepped and a few bits done, I felt so sad and defeated. I knew I looked bloody terrible and peoples shocked expressions when I looked at them, but none of science had the guts to ask if I was ok XD im glad as id only reply with "im fine" anyway.

We came home and Jack did me fruit loaf and tea but I didnt really want it. Food has been giving me tummy ache.

we went for a walk and I called by to give mummy a hug. I didnt take off my shoes or jacket I was just in the hall for a few minutes talking to her and she gave me a cuddle and told jack he does well as its not easy.

we came home and did dinner then sat, Oz has got tummy ache again so we had to clean him before our walk I think we need to clean him again. Not sure whats upset him tho as were not giving him treats its really strange.

I plan on having a bath, early night with pokemon again

I said to mum and Jack that if I dont sleep tonight that I am not going school tomorrow as there will be nothing left of me. I am depleted of all life. I feel so defeated on everything. I have burned out.

I cant pity myself. Its lynn who is suffering, shes lost her husband. Someone who I got to know through her, he was always so generous to me and would have given me anything. He loved lynn as well, even when they had fall outs I could always see how much they loved one another. he was such a character, and I know he is going to missed by a lot of people. Lynn says she feels lonely and empty. I can not imagine her pain. I would want to die if I didnt have Jack. I hope I can see her soon

didnt last long did it

 Evening

I was up til midnight cus why not, I dont need sleep do I? but once I was off I did sleep

School wasnt too bad I guess, I didnt have a lot on I guess but I was just tired and bit grouchy. I snapped at Jack but knew I was in the wrong so I apologised right away but it made me shed 2 tears just cus Id snapped at my Jack and I didnt like that. He was totally fine with it and said with me being so tired and in pain im bound to be crabby. He so understanding *0* 

I got all my jobs done he gave me to do so that was an achievement and Jack made sure I knew it was an achievement and not just dwell on how many breaks I had had today - how does he know how I think!?

We got home and had a quick cup of tea and fruit loaf then went for a walk. It was dark but Jack suggested it and said it might do me some good. He was right and I wasnt too grouchy about it XD

we got back and made biscuits whilst Jack did a few jobs then we sat down to eat sausage casserole which was dead tasty

I had a hot bath then just doing my diary

going to take my demanding bunny home, we plan on trying to have an early night so we can play pokemon!!! woo! really enjoying diamond~

tomorrow is school then seeing mummy after school~

please god let me sleep. its really getting me down

bloody slept!!!

 Evening

I took medicated sleeping tablet last night, I played pokemon for 20mins in bed with my tens machine and then after that I was gone. It was then 6:15am and my alarm was going off

I HAD SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT

God I could have cried, it felt like an achievement and a relief. What a relief

I was still anxious this morning but I was able to cope with it a lot better

so school felt better, I was anxious but it wasnt getting overwhelming like yesterday. Jack told me that until further notice I will be preparing head of biology's lesson (unless I really cant handle it) and he will be giving it out and bringing it back in again. This is to take a stress from me as she is quite literally making me ill. Which Jack did tell head of science about today actually. So yeah thats come to light I guess. I wanted to go home at lunch tho, I was flagging and had had enough. but I somehow got through my long afternoon T^T 

I got a lot done today and Jack says he  proud of me ^^

I told mum I wasnt seeing her as Id had enough, id seen her yesterday and also turns out she had a bad headache. We came in and Jack made me fruit loaf as I was hungry so very very hungry. It gave me tummy ache tho >< then I did the noodles which I didnt really want and they too gave me tummy ache so I was on the bed for 10mins but got up as I knew I had my stew to prepare for the morning.

Now I am just in the living room with my boys. We constantly have Oz in hes very sweet and its lovely having him there. Even if he is harassing us for food constantly, we always make sure he has food and water when hes inside. He now just snoring as Jack plays pokemon on the tv

I need to do some form of exercise but I am sooooo tired I have no idea what exercise I will manage. Yesterday I managed 25mins of yoga but not sure tonight. Id like to try something :/

tomorrow is school TT^TT

im not taking sleeping tablet tonight so we shall see how the night goes...

cried twice before 9:30am, slept 5 hours during the day

 Konbanwa~~

I couldnt sleep last night. I even laid in bed playing pokemon whilst hooked up to my tens machine. I was up and out of bed twice taking more and more pain killers. I tried to wake jack he cuddles my arm and made a noise but I took that as he didnt want to get up (turns out he had done all this in sleep and didnt remember any of this) I stayed up til 2am wanting nothing more than to sleep and not wake up for a long long time.

Morning came round and I almost fell back to sleep from turning my alarm off. All my body needed was rest and sleep but no i had to get ready for school

I felt so anxious about school but I think it was just because of how shattered I was. I was on 4 hours sleep and havent been sleeping properly in general.

I was shaking round the prep room, brought vile up twice, was panting and had to use my inhaler. I just wasnt good. I focused on my practicals and got 2/3 done. I did tomorrows sheet and prepped my lessons. I told Jack I wasnt good I mean he knew but i was in tears by this point. He asked me what I was finding difficult and I said "everything, I want to be away when the practicals come round as I cant handle it. I am so tired" he told me he would sort it all out and that I could just do computer work today.

I started doing the computer work but just felt like breaking down crying. I looked at the time. It was only 9:30am.....only that much time had passed and I felt this crap. I cried and told Jack I am going home. He said I could work from home or just sleep.

I got home and went straight to bed. But just getting home I felt relief. I am unsure how I even got home as even walking to my car my legs were so shaky.

I was in bed for 2 hours and then mum came to have lunch with me and we ate with Oz too which was nice. She stayed for an hour and I went to bed for a further 3 hours!! jesus! how have I managed to sleep so much today!? so by time I woke up it was 4pm and jack was on his way home so I havent really been left alone today as I have just been asleep for it all.

Jack came in and he cuddled me and such, I told him that I havent actually worked today I have been asleep for 5 hours. He said it was fine and I must have needed it. I can make the hours up when I feel up to it. I said I would do it over the weekend as i know what I want to do from home. 

Turns out he had been upset at work....my jack...upset and i wasnt there for him

He was upset at  how much I am struggling, doesnt know how to make things better for me and got talked to rudely by head of biology - who always treats me like utter dog crap. But she had the nerve to treat Jack like it today and I think he just cracked a bit and ended up talking to science teacher about it all he gets along with. Hes having a meeting with head of science tomorrow...

he came in and ate a doughnut and had a whisky and has since had a cider....he says he feels better for having a drink, being home, seeing me and Oz. I am glad he is feeling better. I was upset as I thought I had stressed him out but he said he wasnt upset with me he is just annoyed with certain things and members at school.....i hope he doesnt let loose too much tomorrow

so he did me fruit loaf and tea and then I did dinner which luckily was easy

now hes  chilling out on pokemon. I might do a bit of yoga but in all honesty I dont have a lot of energy so I am not gonna over do it.

I plan on taking medicated sleeping tablets tonight for some actual sleep and fingers crossed it works.

tomorrow is school. I am gonna go and I hope I can do the day 

done my second science test

 Good Evening

we were in bed for 9pm playing pokemon~ At 10:30pm I couldnt bare the aches any longer so got up for pain killers with Jack, tried to sleep but it wasnt happening and he was still playing pokemon so he got up with me for a second time (he had a total play time of 10 hours by this point) and I took more tablets....yeah it wasnt a good night. We were up til midnight. I woke up at 7:30am and woke Jack up at 8am

We did the food shop which I was not in the mood for and needed the inhaler round the shop as my anxiety was taking my breath away, what am I even freakin anxious about!?

We got back and brought Ozwald in

then we didnt have to make my soup or hoover up this week! So I went to bed XD I was so tired but really peed off that I was wasting time going bed. So Jack said he would play pokemon next to me. he woke me up at 12:30pm for lunch :)

we had lunch then I sat quietly in my craft room doing a bit science stuff in my sketchbook as I havent been doing it lately and I also needed to revise for my test. I stayed here for 3 hours then did my test which I did very well with but I just need the answers to one questions tomorrow to see how many marks I actually got. But I know I have done well so I dont feel ashamed to tell Luke my score. I have been worried about the test tho I have to say

I did dinner then, and now I am gonna go on just dance for a few songs and have a bath, watch anime and there might be time for pokemon. I didnt do a walk today as there was a really bitter wind today and I didnt fancy being out it. Heck even Oz hasnt been out today. He went out for a wee this morning then thats it. Hes been inside since like 2:30 and its 7pm now XD we feed him and hes got a bowl of water which he loves and its very cute watching him. But hes been quiet today. Just sitting round in a ball mainly.

tomorrow is school TT^TT I dont wanna go school tomorrow!!!!!! Julia is back tho :) and it shouldnt be horrific as last week....

magnifying Harvey's willy

 Evening

So we were in bed for 8:45pm on a friday XD Simply to play pokemon

I was playing til 10:20 and I was tired, my god my eyes were literally burning

I was enjoying myself and pokemon diamond but I was too tired to go on

not to mention  I ACHED

So we got up - Jack still with switch in hand - I took pain killers and he made me hot cross bun which was a very nice late night snack~ We went to bed at 11pm and the next thing I knew it was 8:50am!

I felt sooooooooooo exhausted and flat this morning

like my body was shutting down cus it NEEDED rest

I was flopping round on the bed and Jack motivated me and said that I wouldnt want to waste my weekend in bed after a crappy week

so i got up and I cleaned Oz out. I didnt want to go to the shops as I felt I couldnt cope right then with people....

I went over to mum's at 11am and mainly sat on her bed. Dad was home and was just annoying but it was nice to see her

I came home for lunch, we brought Oz inside whilst we had lunch

I went to bed after lunch but couldnt sleep so I got up and had a go at the pokemon box frame I want to do but it soon became apparent that  i didnt have enough stuff to fill the box so I ordered a couple of more jigglypuff things online and also some nail varnish ^^

We went for a walk down the river around 3pm then we went to TK MAXX as I could face it. It was actually quite busy. I got hot chocolate so I was well happy :D we went to B&M and Jack got cider so he was well happy. We took my ID and didnt need it - typical

we got home and fruit loaf and tea with Oz and then had a bath then we did dinner

I did some practice questions Jack wrote for me. He used harvey's willy as the example going under the microscope....he drew an image and everything...guys dont grow up do they XD I did find it funny and sent a picture to harvey he was not impressed XD

Now I am gonna watch anime with hot chocolate with my jack, paint my nails, then were going to bed to play pokemon! Jack has played on it a fair amount of hours today but has been doing the underground so its like a side extra, so hes only done 1 gym. Hes caught me a level 16 houndoom :3 love houndoom

tomorrow

shopping~ dont need much and cus I have too much soup in freezer I dont need to make soup for the week so thats one less thing to do! also got my test to do

its finally over and we are rewarded with pokemon

 I've done it

I got through the week

somehow

without taking any time off

It was a huge effort

I slept better last night thank god but I didnt want to go today and my body felt so tired and worn out. School was just as difficult. I didnt enjoy it. I just wanted to go home

had a bit of asthma attack at school which drained the life out of me

My mum was having several rooms in her house recarpeted today and my  brother had the second part of his interview, he was getting stressed out by the carpets and asked if he could use my house I said this was fine. He made good use of my craft room desk. He was working on his mac book til his interview. Mum made him and herself some lunch and they both in my house XD it was fine and I was glad they felt comfortable enough to do that. Mum also was kind enough to make jack some biscuits, clean the bathroom and kitchen and hoover up!! I am sure cleaning is coping strategy, she found new carpets stressful as it means dust XD

mum came back over for a brew, it was  lovely to see her after school as I havent seen her since the weekend. She also brought a very important delivery.....new pokemon games!!!

Poor Jack just wanted to play on it but waited til after dinner as my brother came in and started telling us about his interview so it was nice having my brother and mum over together ^^ then me and jack had dinner. I laid on the bed afterwards as i was dead.  Jack started pokemon XD I havent been on it yet but think hes had a good hour on it and seems happy with it

I couldnt do any exercise as I am EXHAUSTED and my lungs still burn from asthma

I had a hot bath and now we are gonna watch anime, go bed and play anime ^^

Oz has had the girls over today and hes been inside with us, hes tired bless him

tomorrow

got Oz to clean out, Jack wants TK MAX and I said I would see mum at 11am for a brew~

I NEED an easy weekend

crying into a chest at 1am

 Evening

Last night was god awful

I was in bed for 9pm but got up twice as I couldnt sleep

by 1am I broke up crying, I went to get Jack as I couldnt do it anymore. So he was woken by me crying into his tshirt at 1am.....sorry jack....He was actually totally fine about being woke up.  Hes so supportive he doesnt ever say anything unkind or unhelpful he just made me a tea and fruit loaf and listened to my worries whilst cuddling me. I just cried. I was so tired and done.

I am suppose to take a max of 8 Zapain pain killers per day. I had taken 16....the most I have ever taken in 24 hours. I was so desperate for pain relief

I had gotten so stressed about work, about how busy it is gonna be and how crap I will feel. Jack said "just dont go its fine" I couldnt bare to leave him to it so I said I was going no matter what. It was gone 2am by the time I fell asleep so I managed to get about 4 hours sleep if that

Safe to say I felt like death this morning. My eyes stung and my eyelids were massive, red and puffy. I looked awful

I did nothing at work for over an hour. I couldnt even think. I stayed out the way in a corner of the office

I have done bits and pieces today but nothing major to be honest I cant cope with it all

I did miss my lesson but I have a copy of the test to take home with me

We came home and Jack made me tea and fruit loaf and I sat with Oz. I then died on the bed as I needed the rest. Jack went to the toilet and I think Oz wondered where we had gone and I heard him under the bed XD so I had to get him from under there which was fine. He had dinner with us and I am about to do some bunny yoga with him. By which I mean I will be doing some yoga and he will be a hinderance no doubt XD Then I will have a bath, anime, bed

I miss seeing my mum but I have nothing to give her but I said I would try see her tomorrow, also she might have the new pokemon game delivered by then too

tomorrow

its randomly non-uniform day but I have no enthusiasm for it as I am so tired and the school is so damn hot I just sweat to death anyway.

I will come home and hopefully see mum then we are gonna play some pokemon!

please please, can I have a better night's sleep tonight. I dont think I will make school tomorrow on 4 hours sleep again. I have not sleep through the night for such a long time now TT^TT

Probably gonna be missing my test tomorrow

 Konbanwa

I had a bit better night's sleep

I was in bed for 8:45pm and I was watching Jack game on Pokemon Quest, and drifting off to sleep at 10pm, I got up for a wee and woke up cold but I think my body benefited from not exercising and actually resting after work yesterday. I still didnt want to go school tho >.>

School was awful again

just soooo much going off

I was messing up, things werent getting done properly, no one helps. Its just been awful. I hope to god that Julia or Jack dont ever take a week off. If a teacher was off there would be a paid cover staff member. Support staff off  - others pick up the absence. Which I feel makes us look like we're not as busy as teachers! Yeah right! We have like 100+ lessons to prep a day

I got a bit snarky with a member of staff who always talks to me rudely and today was no exception and I was so fed up of it and tired not to mention the running round I had done for her today. She wasnt meant to hear my snarky comment but I didnt realise she hadnt left the room ^^; she left the room and didnt say anything. She never said thank you or sorry today. Thats how she is. She makes me massively stressed. She has practicals tomorrow too -______-

I was dead on my feet and holding tears in

we got home and I brought oz in straight away. he gave me licks and made me feel better about my day

then we had a different routine tonight, I felt grim from my day sweating at work (from running around - the sweat was running down my back) and so I decided to exercise first then eat.

I put Oz home so I could exercise - his little face thinking I had put him home for the night without his evening treat - as if I would dare!! I was like "no no Oz, youre coming in again later so no treat yet" but of course he doesnt understand. bless him

so I did a grow with Jo for 20mins then appilated then had a shower then did dinner, which didnt take much as we put the stew on in the morning

I got Oz in after we ate. He gave me licks. I tried to do some revision for my test tomorrow but I wasnt feeling it. My brain is just fried. I got all the questions jack wrote for me, wrong. He said I am not in the right frame of mind tonight and to leave it. We also said that realistically I cant go and do the test tomorrow.

Jack needs me as it will leave him alone for an hour to man 10 classrooms

I might not sleep cus of worrying about the test - I NEED SLEEP

I will probably be shattered if I did do the test and not in the right frame of mind and not do as well as I could do. So Jack says I can take a copy home with me and do it over the weekend.

means I am missing my lesson T^T but the only thing we're doing in lesson is the test so I wont miss much I guess! 

So we're just fussing Oz but hes going home in a minute so we can watch anime and go to bed as I am done ><

tomorrow is another practical heavy day - the heaviest day all week

god help us.....

it was so hard today I was in fainting territory

 Konbanwa~~~

Did not sleep well....

was up til 1am

I was in pain and stressing about school and then stressing that I would be too tired for school. I overdosed by 3 times and even then I didnt sleep through the night. It was so unfair. I was so shattered this morning

We got to school

and to say we told the teachers Julia isnt in all  week, it meant basically nothing to them. its been full speed all day. Its been so so so full on. I cried. I was shaking from head to toe as my body was so fatigued and I was getting into fainting territory it was not good

Jack was helping a lot of course he was but he was rushed off his feet too

he kept telling me to sit, said i looked like death

it was crazy hard

I txt mum to say I cant see her after school. I was so defeated

I got home and had fruit loaf I didnt want and a cup of tea. I havent wanted food all day or really. Been a bit too stressed to want or enjoy food

I brought Oz inside, he didnt get long outside as it was dark and he looked  like he wanted to come in :/ So he got spoiled indoors to say the least

I did a different recipe tonight, totally winged it. Noodles and fish. It was ok but I found it a bit sickly, Jack enjoyed it. He doesnt even understand sickly XD

I didnt go any exercise tonight. Trying to tell myself its OK today have a day off. I was worried if I worked out I would faint. I am literally hanging on.

I did 2 maths questions jack set me. He marked them and said I got them right! at first I thought he was just being nice, to try save my feelings. But no I actually got them RIGHT. Something must be going in I guess!

I made some biscuits reluctantly. I ran out and I am fed up of making and eating them. Jack said I would be hungry as I have nothing in place of them. he said he would buy store made cookies - they are very bad for you. I said it was a lovely gesture, and hes right, I will be hungry. But I cant bring myself to eat those cookies. I feel it would be another reason to be up at night - food thoughts. So I made my biscuits, knowing theyre better for me

I had a nice hot bath like perfect temperature 

then just here waiting for bed. Gonna watch anime then go bed. I have asked if I can watch Jack play pokemon quest like I did last night, It was quite soothing watching him.

New pokemon on friday! After suffering all week we get a nice treat~

If I dont sleep tonight I am unsure what state I will be in for work tomorrow....but I cant bare to leave jack to it....theres so much to do its unreal

Hardly any maths after all!!!!

 Evening

gods sake to say I even took medicated sleeping tablets, did I sleep!? did I bob. I fell asleep quick but I didnt remain asleep T^T I need rhino tranquiliser to put me out >.>

I woke up just before my alarm at 6:15am and thought "normally on insec days we dont need to be in til 8:30am not 7:50am so I woke Jack up and said this. We laid in bed together til 7am which was nice. Jack says I fell asleep on him and drooled as well on him! I have no dignity T^T

I didnt want to go school but it was nice wearing non-uniform

The school day was actually ok. But because no one wanted to work they kept coming to talk to us and it was exhausting me having 20-30min conversations. Looking healthy and well, giving my best energy. I was about done in! I had lunch by myself as Jack had his in cafe as it was free. I could have brought mine down to eat with him but I find the cafe stressing 

I got a lot of my jobs done but I did run out of energy and didnt get it all done

I took some boxes home and dropped them off at mum's. It was nice finishing at 3:05 not 3:50 so we've had a bit more time today at least

Jack took my biology test home and soon realised there wasnt even that much math on there, and certainly none at HIS level. So he wrote a couple of practice questions. I got them both wrong but I know what I did wrong and understood it. Unlike yesterday...Im gonna hopefully have more time tonight to revise. Then I have exercise to do. I plan on doing just dance again with weights as I really quite enjoyed that.

I have Oz inside with me, brought him in around 3 hours ago, hes a pain, always wanting fuss and food XD I will put him away after my revision so I can play just dance without tripping on him. Jack says he might or might not come bed with me but will watch anime with me. He came to bed with me last night as he couldnt be bothered to go on his PC

tomorrow is school

first day of not having Julia AND lessons.....not gonna be pretty.....

Feel like crap and my confidence in my science work is at an all time low

 Evening

I still got up for 2 wees in the night, its so annoying. I slept til 7:15am apart from that.

I got up with Jack and we had breakfast together.

I then got some actual free time to myself to do a bit of painting which was nice

we did our weekly food shop which I was not in the mood for at all but we got it done

we came home and unpacked and had tea cake and tea with Ozwald. He knows the routine XD

Then we did soup, whilst it was cooking I planted grass seeds in a patch that I didnt get round to doing. It only took me just under half hour but my god if I thought I had back before I certainly had back afterwards. Sweet jesus it hurt T^T but luckily it didnt hurt too much after my just dance with weights from last night - really thought I was gonna hurt from that one 0.0

So I had my lunch and went to bed and just dozed, I couldnt fall asleep as I was in too much pain. It it soul destroying when you try and escape pain that pain keeps you awake. Its like never ending torture.

I got up as my parents were coming round, we are looking after dad's motorbike for a week as they need to garage space so he brought that round. Mum had a quick fuss of Oz, he came running to her when she called him which was sweet. They didnt stay as I didnt want dad to stay.

I then suggested to do a walk with Jack as the sun was actually out so we did a half hour walk which killed me off.

We came in and I had fruit loaf and tea

then we sat for an hour together doing some biology revision

I cried

pure and simple I broke down crying

I can't do this

I am not good at maths in the slightest. 

how does anyone do maths in science? what the hell is standard form? significant figures? converting? and the way he naturally does it too it even more depressing. Its like we are just adding 2 and 2. i couldnt do it and still cant do it. When he thought about it he was like "yeah maybe I am doing A-level maths with you"

just maybe!? it was freakin' university level!! it was horrendous 

Its put my confidence to the floor

its flat as a pancake

how I am gonna pass this test on thursday I have no idea TT^TT

he said hes gonna look at my test, see what I am tested on - and the LEVEL

i think he was doing level 10 when I am like level 4

I left it after an hour as I felt like crap about myself. he was sorry.

I finished off my canvas after that ordeal! needed something good in my life to say the least

its ok, i mean its nothing fantastic and I dont know what I will do with it ether :/ 

I did dinner and decided against my first decision, to make some more biscuits

however I totally made up the recipe! didnt look at any recipe or weigh anything! just see how it turned out, wanted to try and make them 'healthier' so they have hardly any butter in or sugar and more oats and egg. a few chocolate chips and I shall see tomorrow what they taste like or might try tonight

I am now in the living room with my boys. I feel like death. I want to cry. I am so low and tired. Think thats what it is - just constant tiredness and pain. I havent escaped it all weekend all week. Now I have work in the morning and Julia is off all week too so we need to cover for her and its going to be exhausting to say the least. I just want to find a hole to die in if I am honest

tonight I am taking medicated sleeping tablets as I just want rest I want sleep and proper deep sleep at that. I need to recharge

so yeah its work tomorrow

its also insec day so im off timetable, Jack has given me a shed load of jobs and I get to wear non-uniform. The only good thing is that I have an easy dinner to cook~

OUR HOUSE 1ST ANNIVERSARY!

 Evening

I made it into bed at 8:45pm and woke up at 11pm to find Jack beside me. I had chronic aches so I got up with him, had a biscuit and pain killers. I woke up at 6:45am with such a dry mouth I could barely shut my mouth so I had no choice but to get up T^T

Before going over to see mum at 11am I had

cleaned Oz out

Cleaned the bathroom top to bottom

done some admin work

done the shopping list

30mins of painting

put some of the stuff away mum had brought over of mine

I was knackered!

I went over to mums for a cup of tea and a sow sit which was nice. We talked about various things and I saw dad for 2mins then went home for my lunch at 12:45pm

I had lunch then went to bed til 3:45pm as I just needed to rest my body

When I woke up I had fruit loaf and tea with jack then I continued with putting my stuff away. I got it all done and then did dinner

after dinner I went on just dance for 35mins with weights attached to my arms and legs

my god my arms were burning! I was still managing to get my usual scores. I was doing really well and sweating buckets I enjoyed it but Jack told me to maybe call it quits and brought me the inhaler ^^; thats how much I got into it XD

I had a bath and now I am just with my two boys in my living room

I said thank you to mum for housing us a year ago. I cant believe we have had the house a year! so much has changed in it. It certainly feels like home now. I am happy here. I wasnt happy when I first moved in here but I am now. We have made it a home and I hope we are happy here many more years to come~

tomorrow

got food shop, soup to cook and meat to cook as well

I have got to do some revision whether I like it or not! i might plant some grass seeds maybe. Who knows I might have time to do some of my painting

I am gonna have some hot chocolate now whilst watching anime, then paint my nails and go bed. Jack says he will watch anime with me but he might go game late by himself which is fine. I just literally cant stay up my eyes get too heavy

I hope I sleep today, I have had A LOT of pain killers today I hope it makes me sleep....

this week has finished me off

 Evening

despite sleeping well last night (got up for the 1am wee of course) I woke up feeling knackered. What a great start to my day. I felt exhausted. Its just work. Working and looking after myself and the house is sheer shattering. 

We got to work and I swear I spent more time on my mat on the floor than I did working today. So frustrating and boring but I was just exhausted and rubbing my eyes, yawning. I felt like I weighed twice as much. I couldnt wait for the day to finish.

Once we finished up I got home, drank a quick brew and shoved fruit loaf down me and went for a walk with mum. Even tho I felt done in I thought I would do my exercise and see her. I didnt have so much of a rush today as Jack didnt have gaming so there was no rush to get him showered and fed for 6:30pm. Instead he has decided to game with harvey and theo tonight so thats fine. Mum needed the walk she just ranted and ranted. She had kept a lot in.

She had also been busy by bringing over shed loads of my stuff today what was left in my old bedroom.

she did so well. I now have  A LOT  of stuff to go through and sort.....sweet jesus

I did dinner, then had a bath. The whole time I got home Oz was inside bless him. I just took him home at 8pm. I was sat with him whilst he snored in a tube

I am gonna go to bed in a minute yes its only 8:15pm but my god I am done. my eyes feel like theyre drooping to my mouth

I have wrote this weekend off tho

free time for Jo is a no go

I am seeing mum at 11am tomorrow for a brew and sow sit then coming home for lunch

I have revision to do

sort out my stuff or some of it

admin work

usual chores

plant grass seeds

yup no time for me~

I might have a look at next weekend if I can have free time

ahhh free time I remember that TT^TT

so yeah tomorrow will be rest and crap basically cus I have no life! I work, die, and do chores~ 

but its an anniversary tomorrow

we would have had the house 1 whole year!

made almost £20

 evening

I did sleep better last night, I was in bed for 9:15pm, I had back ache but did manage to get to sleep and got up for the 1am wee~

I did feel tired this morning, just tired from work and being in pain I guess. Does get to me at times

Jack keeps me going

We got to school and Julia was still upset about her brother passing away on monday night and told us shes taking a week off school. She doesnt care if its paid or not but shes going up to her parents house to support them as her 90 year old father has not taken the passing of his son well. We said this is all fine and we will cover her next week. Poor Julia tho its not nice seeing her so upset....Next week is gonna be tough....

I didnt have a lot of practicals today luckily so I was able to play catch up and not run myself to the floor

However I did have my biology lesson today and that was quite hard going. It was quite mathy and I suck at maths. I felt done in after that lesson. I did get all the work done. I had to pick my chin up off the floor as I saw the last thing put on the board.....test next week....seriously!!? another test!? sweet jesus I gotta get revising T^T Life is cruel

We came home and mummy was kind enough to give me a portion of the spag bol she made for her dinner tonight as I had forgotten to get leftovers  out my freezer. I probably could have tried the defrost setting on the microwave but she said my brother wasnt in for dinner anyway so there was a portion going. Just good timing and stuff really. She sat with us and Oz who couldnt play out due to the rain so hes been in for 4 hours straight XD Im gonna go take him home in a min

mum left and we had dinner

I did yoga with Oz, he wasnt invited but he felt he needed to come nudge me, lick me and hop under me. Its bunny yoga at its finest. I dont mind and its cute. He did a few stretches round me almost like he was joining it was very cute

I had a bath and made hot to soak my back that just constantly aches

now im gonna take Oz home and we will watch anime and go bed

tomorrow is school and thank god its friday!

I totalled up how much I have made on Redbubble since joining. and its almost £20! twenty quid from posting up art that would otherwise sit in a folder on my laptop! My most popular print is this one the ninetails

https://www.redbubble.com/i/art-print/Ninetails-by-LunatiqueDesign/36443561.1G4ZT

im surprised how much ive made

Up til midnight on a school night damn it

 Evening

So last night, like every night, I stick to a schedule so I know what time I need to be in the bath/shower so Jack has enough to wash too. Sit down and watch an episode of anime and be in bed for 9pm give or take 10mins. However I did not factor in that Jack was gonna spend half an hour on the toilet. I swear he is just there reading his phone >.> 

anyway by time he came out the shower and got dressed and stuff it was 9:05. So I got ready for bed and he was like "dont wanna watch anime?" I said "I get stressed if I am late to bed then I dont sleep, I didnt know you were gonna spend so long on the toilet. Its too late now its already gone 9pm it will be almost 10 by the time were both in bed"

so we went to bed like that. I struggled to get off. I think I fell asleep for half hour, got up for a wee at 10:45pm and then that was it. I was in pain with my back - still - and I ended up getting up for pain killers and I could tell things werent good. So i went to wake Jack up as he always tells me to wake him if I can't sleep so I did but it was such a challenge. He sleeps worryingly deep.

we were up til after midnight. I felt sick with taking over double my pain killers. I ate fruit loaf and we both had a hot chocolate. I still struggled to sleep but because of how much medication I took I did sleep deep...I woke up feeling a bit hungover. Overdoses always makes me feel hungover. I had a bad headache and felt sick.

I still went to school despite just wanting to sleep instead of getting up at 6am to put our stew on T^T

School wasn't too bad but Jack was a bit flat today for some reason. Im guessing hes tired but yeah he said he just felt flat and couldnt be bothered with the day which all isnt like him. I said to him to maybe have a drink after work as hes not had a drink since halloween party so almost 2 weeks ago

I got my day done, practicals worked well and I was able to do some painting

Julia was upset tho this morning, her brother had died in the night she said she hadnt slept a wink as she knew from the nurses it was gonna be that night. Bless her. I was so surprised she came in.

We came home and Jack made me a tea and he had a double whisky.....ok Jack you do what you need to do ^^; wasnt expecting him to have it as we got through the door XD but it did relax him he said

we did dinner and I slept for half hour after dinner. We actually didnt have Oz in after it went dark as I had soon discovered I hadnt locked his side door up today so he has been playing in garage all day = Oz hasnt eaten all day. He can get back into his cage he just chooses not to >.> So I put him home to eat. I got him out after my work out and made Jack sit with him for some bunny therapy now I am with him. So hes only had an hour of our time today and I feel a bit bad. I will have him in longer tomorrow as I have missed him to be honest. But I knew he would be constantly hungry. Hes happy bun anyway

its 8:25pm and Jack is out the shower. So we have time for anime today!

tomorrow is school

I really need to ring for an eye test too ><

goodies at work ^^

 Evening

I didnt sleep well last night. Got up for not one, but two wees!! T^T whats wrong with me!?

So I felt tired this morning and felt sick as well. Not a great start to my day

also very scatter brained and got distracted easily

However, a lot happened in my morning

I had the report come through from my meeting on friday, I sent it chris who then took everything off my desk to get to my computer and put my desktop thing on the floor and gave me a new monitor. I later found out it was going to be his monitor...he said "you have the best monitor in the school"...I felt bad but then I knew he would only buy himself another one, if not better XD

He also went through the different settings on the computer and I can change the colour of my screen with a free software its amazing. But I will need to take it off if I am using photoshop etc. But its really handy for those of us with dyslexia I was impressed! 

I was also sent through my voucher for my free eye test and glasses

I was struggling today tho so Jack broke down my jobs for me and stuff. I was just very all over the place mentally and stuff.

I got the day done, 10mins before leaving I checked my emails to see there was an email saying my foot stool is in reception!! Its amazing!!! It rocks and you can adjust it, but the fact it rocks means i can keep moving whilst sitting, something I like to do. I am so happy with it. Kinda want one for home now! So I feel like I have had goodies today at work, all for being a spaz XD

we got home and saw mum for a cup of tea and she brought over my parcels and documents I need to do more of my ADHD form >.> 

We did dinner, then after dinner we prepped food for tomorrow as its stew day tomorrow so we do that before school. 

I did a work out then had a bath, its gotten to 9pm and Jack has just come out the bath >.> not sure I want to watch anime - given the time. So I might just get ready for bed. Im so tired and I didnt sleep well. Going to bed late makes me stressed about sleeping then I dont sleep well. Which is what happened last night and it was only 9:20pm when I was in bed!!! we would probably get into to bed 9:45pm if we watch anime

wanna go bed 

tomorrow is school and I dont think I have any practicals again!

gives me time to catch up with myself~

just another busy monday

 Evening

I managed to be in bed for 9pm ^^ I slept pretty well but got up for the traditional  wee

I felt fine about school when I was home, but the closer we got to the school gates the more my anxiety built until I felt sick....

My morning was pretty busy to be honest

and I was struggling to cope with noise, like any little noise - a key board, coughing, talking, high heels. It was like my hearing had been tuned up to high sensitive. I didnt even have a headache. it was making not able to think. I was getting stressed out and Jack suggested I put my headphones on which actually made things better

i got my email about the assessment and it was all in green! so thoughtful, ive never had an email in green.

i was quite done in after work, we came home and had fruit loaf and tea

we brought oz in at 5pm and just put him home and its almost 9pm

he had a good time inside and i discovered he had made a mess of bottom so we had that clear up bless him

tomorrow is school

actually started some painted O:

 Evening

I didnt sleep too bad~ I managed to put Oz home at 9pm as the fireworks had died down a lot. So once he was in bed I did my nails then went to bed myself

I got up for a wee at 11:30pm and found Jack reading his phone, I took some pain killers as I had bad back ache - which I have had since friday - and went back to sleep

I woke up at 7am....7 again!!! But its still a good amount of sleep so I can't complain too much

i had breakfast by myself again, I went to get my clothes from the bedroom but when I walked in, Jack woke up so I had company from 8am XD

I didnt really want to do my shopping but got on with it, and cus we couldnt get witch hazel from there we had to drive to boots, wait 15mins for the shop to open, find the witch hazel and get the hell outta there. I was really annoyed as it was wasting MY time buying witch hazel for school. But its all going down on my time sheet~ I will soon amount those hours up. 

We got home and unpacked and had a tea cake and brew with Oz. Oz again hasnt played out much today. Not sure why. I think its bothering him having work men on the roof of the neighbour behind us. Its unsettling him.

We did my soup and I cooked my meat for the week. had lunch then I went to bed for an hour, I didnt want to but was tired. When Jack came in to me I thought it was only 10mins later but he was like "no youve had your hour" wow, where did that go? So I got up and did some actual ART yes art! I forgot what art was. I started painting my canvas, its going ok. i mean I have no idea what the purpose of this canvas is but Jack said it doesnt need a purpose if I enjoyed it.

We did a walk together which was nice then came in for a cup of tea and then did some more painting, did the dinner, then after dinner I had a bath right away as Jack is gaming with the guys at 7pm so I wanted him ready for then. I did some more painting, also brought Mia a christmas present online so that is a good result. I was struggling what to do for her.

Now it's 7:45pm and I am unsure what to do really, im too tired to do much. My painting is too wet to do any more. Got to have Oz inside. I would like to be in bed for 9pm. I can go to bed whenever as Jack is gaming. 

since 3pm my body has been shaky, I thought it was cus I was hungry. So I ate fruit loaf with my brew and didnt feel any better. I felt sick and thought id feel better for dinner but no. I soon accepted what it is....anxiety. I feel sick and shaky with anxiety...what I am anxious about god knows!!! Its very frustrating being anxious and not knowing what your anxious about >.> I think its because of school as what else could it be!? I told Jack and stuff and he said he would get me through the day. I know he will. I just hate this feeling. So I plan on taking a lot of medication tonight to zonk me out so I dont have to be up all night with thoughts....

tomorrow is school anyway