My car....she gone...shes gone

 Evening

totally forgot to do this yesterday!

So yesterday was FULL ON

I was up at 7am and we got ready to go food shopping, I ended up doing some of my mum's shopping as shes come down with something and nether dad or my brother would go shopping, it would fall to her and she was like death. She had a negative covid test tho. So we dropped her food off

we came home and unpacked then I cleaned Ozwald out.

I cleaned the bathroom as well. I had lunch then I went over to my parents house as I was so confused as to where to start with my car stuff

seeing my dad...ugh...I was holding tears in. he talks to me so rudely.

he also said the total opposite to what he said friday. I was so confused.

Bottom line was -  I needed to get rid of my car, and fast.

So I was gonna take it to WeBuyAnyCar. I said I would sort it out. 

I kept my mum company a bit and my brother was kindly sorting my laptop out - needed cleansing of crap files etc. I cleaned out the girls cage to help mum. Cleaned 3 hutches this week!!

My brother came to me and said "do you want me to go take your car with you?"

I saw an opportunity, and I took it

my mum said "it depends on what you can handle Jo"

But my brother has his own car, therefor able to bring me home, he soo much calmer to be round than my dad. It would get rid of my car and be one less thing for me to do.

so we booked an appointment for 40mins time

we went to my house and chucked out all the stuff in my car into my house

my dad was all "wash your car, clean inside etc" I did none of it, could   not    see    the     point

I followed my brother down to WeBuyAnyCar, so glad he was leading - I would no way have found that place!!!

We wait for the guy who must have been at tops 21 years old. He came and looked round my car like literally went round it ONCE. He didnt even start it up!! It was crazy

He typed up all the details on the computer and due to the odd scratches/wear and tear it devalued it by £300. So I paid £2400 for it when I got it almost 4 years ago and I got back for it £2300. Thats crazy. Old cars are holding value right now, so it was a good time to sell

plus the gear box was knackered....

It all felt so final, handing over the keys to my baby TT^TT

my brother brought me home and said he would bring my laptop home soon when he was finished. 

Jack was completely oblivious to all this. He was gaming online.

he luckily came off for dinner, I was so glad. So I filled him in. I went on JustDance for 20mins after dinner and had a bath, Jack had a bath and went back to game til midnight. He did 10hours of gaming yesterday. but its his birthday week~

My brother came over for hour at 7:30pm

After he left I painted my nails, played pokemon  and went to sleep

I woke up in the night wondering just what the hell that noise was, it was jack snoring XD he had been drinking whilst gaming

This morning I was up and I got Oz in and had time with him

I spent my morning practicing make up for mia's wedding. I just took my time and did what I thought was best. It turned out fine, I had used a BB cream and i dont think I will bother that on the day as I hated the feel. Yes it gave me more even skin tone but my skin isnt in that bad of a condition that I need it and I rather be comfortable rather than worrying if my face is melting off. 

We had lunch then we went for a walk then when we came back Jack's mum, step dad and youngest sister came over for a bit we had tea and cake and they left him with all their gifts ^^

I had a sit down then did dinner

I had a bath and a pamper in and out the bath 

Now doing diary and i will do some drawing, watching RWBY and play pokemon in bed.

tomorrow

mia is coming over in the morning to bring over the bridesmaid dress and so I can show her the bits I bought to wear on the day. 

Mum is kindly taking me to the post office at some point so I can tax my car so then I can insure it and actually get on the road.

I am sad I have lost my car

but its better than watching £2000 go up in a bang

bang of gearbox explosion....

Be grateful for the downgrade I guess

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night and got up at 7:30am

I got ready and went over to mummy's at 9

we went to the shops and were gone like 2 hours -_____- to say we had both had enough was an understatement. We were done!! It was worth the trip tho I got new plant pots ^^ I got garage door paint

we came back here and had a cup of tea and a biscuit.

Then I took the 3 of us up to dad's garage uughhh

the reception was awful. Why is my dad so rude? why does he hate me so much? why is he such an arse hole?

I grabbed the keys and took me and Jack for test drive 1min down the road. 

The car is like a copper Corsa 2003 banger. Like she old. She very uncomfortable. She is a massive down grade to what I had. I finally felt like more of an adult as I had an actual DECENT car. And this....this is just depressing. I came back and told mum the seats feel knackered its super uncomfortable and I want to pay the 2grand to fix my car.

But after my melt down had subsided I understood that throwing money at my car would only be wasteful, it also wouldnt guarantee that £2000 would fix the issue it may need MORE. So it would be a money pit basically. I was also grateful that we even had another car. I could be car-less and have to survive off buses. I also was grateful of the fact that my car hasnt actually exploded yet so I will still have something to sell, not just £400 of scrap metal value.

we came away with both cars.

I had lunch at home

then decided I would have a cry

yup

cus I was tired, stressed out a lot and didnt know which way to turn

I was having a massive down grade in car, in some uncomfortable heap

Its so unfair that my car is dead anyway

I would need to sell my car

SORN my car off the road

Tax 'new' one

Insure 'new' one 

A CLEAN IT

dear god did it need a clean

I had zero energy. I cried til my face stung. I was just stressed and tired

I rang my mum

I told her how it was

I was to go over to hers to start cleaning the car. She was gonna do it alone but I couldnt allow that. I was still upset when Jack found me. I actually was starting to feel dizzy and faint from exhaustion so he said to just go bed and he will clean the car

he rang mum and told her whats what. She came here to help Jack clean the car. I laid on the bed and calmed down. My eyes felt huge and hot my face stung.

After they clean for almost 90mins (just interior for now) mummy went home she was shattered.

We sat a minute then I had a shower, did the dinner. I looked at selling my current one and I got a quote which was £2750 but I doubt that I will receive that much once they see it. They will never give the quote they just give you a high quote to make you bring the car through the door. I am not stupid. Despite never doing this before. 

I am not sure what I am doing the rest of tonight. I have nothing else to give. I didnt even exercise as my body was shaking from exhaustion.

so tomorrow~

wooooo bring on tomorrow -_____-

gotta get up at 7:30am so we can get out early for food shopping. Then I suppose I will have car admin to sort. Then Jack at 1pm is gaming online with Chris and friends. I dont know what I am doing tomorrow afternoon. Sleep and more SLEEP......

massively stressed out today, water issues and my poor car

 Evening

ahhhhh i couldnt sleep >.> Jack didnt go on his phone or play longer on his switch. When he turns his switch off the same time as me and calls it a night, I struggle to sleep cus he falls asleep instantly and he breathes annoyingly so I struggle to sleep and struggle to resist the temptation to smother him in his sleep. So I was up til midnight.

We both woke up at 9:30am

I mean my excuse is  i got my 9 hours of needed sleep

Jack had like 11 hours of sleep!! whats his excuse!? jesus. He said he felt better for it and didnt realise he needed the sleep.

So this morning once we were up and ready, we tackled the radiator...

and thats were we were for 2 hours none stop

it was A LOT

It was going well, it was slow and time consuming as we are winging it, and taking our time so we dont screw up. We patched up the big wall fissure that the ants had been using to get into our house. We put the radiator back onto the wall once the crack had been patched up, Jack went to screw it back to the pipes and thats when problems happened

it didnt appreciate being disturbed. it leaked. And when taking it off the wall again to drain it again so he could clog the inner pipe, black water would come out. We have new carpets. we do no want black water on it. So he gave him trying to remove it and tried to make a seal on the outside of the pipe instead. But it kept leaking still.

during the whole thing I wasnt sure if I was gonna

faint

big sick

or empty my bowels 

yes thats how I felt

I was stressed. My stomach knotted

he put sealant round the pipe but it dripped, slower. He said he will layer up the sealant and eventually it would stop

I was so drained. I had been running round like a blue arse fly collecting stuff for Jack and cleaning up and stopping water flow. I was to be his errand girl I knew that as that was literally the only thing I was good for. But doing it for 2 hours whilst being stressed out was exhausting and I was reaching my limit

we left the sealant to dry with a drip tray underneath and made lunch

My mum txt to say she was coming at 2pm to come see me, drop my car off and to talk to us about the car

so as soon as I had lunch I started doing my meal plans for next week and the shopping list then mummy turned up. I made us both a tea, I spilt tea on the carpet and knocked over my flower vase so water went over my carpet. She helped me clean it up. I said "can you tell I am tired and done?"

she said

the car is dead. It cant be fixed unless we want to change the gearbox for £2000 which is about the value of the damn car. So basically I have a scrap car that I have got to pay £60 for after today.

Dad has a car that I can test drive ASAP

then I have to

sell my car

SORN my car off the road

TAX my new car

Insure my new car

at this point I cried

I had reached my limit of what I could handle in one day

with this mornings stress + the thought of my car (i love) being scrap, paying out for new car AND doing the admin for it on top. 

yep I cracked and had a cry on the carpet in front of mum and Jack like a child

but they both assured me that they will help me through it and I wont be left with it. Mum said to not test drive the car today as I clearly wasnt up for it. So she said she would go with me and Jack tomorrow morning to test drive, providing dad is there at his work place for me to test drive it.

she left as she could see I was done

I went to my bed and Jack came in, I cuddled him and shed a few more tears. I knew it was just cus I was tired and overstressed. My stomach was in knots and I was just exhausted 

I picked myself up and went to go draw a bit more on my canvas. I then went to do this diary post and then I will do dinner, I have fish soup out the freezer that I cant say I am looking forward to. 

I will have a bath then I think I will do some yoga or I might do yoga first, I will see how I feel. 

so tomorrow

I will go with mum and Jack to go test drive our potential new car. then me and mum might go do something I am not quite sure yet. See how the day goes.

I cant wait for sleep

10 hours worth of sleep

 Evening

I can tell I have broke up from school

I slept 10 hours last night! Not continuously but 10hours total nonetheless 

I cant tell you how much better I felt and my eye bags have been reduced too. I got up at 8am - yes I was so early to bed last night! 

We had a leisurely morning with the loaf then we went to go get ice cream!! We walked through a park and then both got 3 scoops of ice cream! thats the most I have ever ordered, but yes, I did finish the bugger it was so damn good. Worth every calorie. 

we went into about 5 charity shops afterwards, I picked up toddler books as I want to send Miho a load of gifts later in the year, Jack got 2 books. one with 850+ pages one with 950+pages. Insane. 

I also got a few new nail varnishes as some of mine have dried up

We came home and bought Oz in who was keen for lunch! we had lunch with him then I went on my laptop for a bit, then did a bit of my canvas

I went over to mum's around 2:45pm and had a brew with her. She kindly dropped me off home, I left my car there for dad to have a look at tomorrow. He has also bought a car that I can go test drive. He doesnt think my car is curable without spending heaps of money at it so hes been keeping an eye of for a replacement car. He wants me to sell mine whilst its still working and is actually worth something. 

I came home and had a bath, then we did dinner, I had to be on time with everything as Jack has gaming with his brother tonight, I did forget. As I was still finishing my dinner, flying ants came in again.....must be the 4th time. So we had to sort all that crap out. Jack has declared that tomorrow we will take the old radiator off the wall and patch the hole up the ants are coming in from. Fingers crossed we are able to do that and dont have water spurting out everywhere and need a plumber....

so I need to have the loaf inside with me as there is ant powder down outside again. I popped him away whilst we were on ant patrol but he can probably come back inside now. Bless him.

so tomorrow I am car-less and think we are taking the radiator off the wall....

oh and the food disappeared I had put out for the hedgehog. But then a rat could have eaten it. I wasnt up during the night to sit and watch. I might put meal worms out again.

hedgehog and finished school

 Evening

I couldnt sleep

surprise surprise

I was just lying awake. So I got up and did some drawing. My drawing is going quite well actually. As I sat in the lounge my patio light went on. I gasped as I couldnt believe what I was seeing at 12:30am

a hedgehog!!!! In my garden!!! I couldnt believe it. I went outside to look at it. It was big! reminds me of guinea pigs. I put out a cherry tomato and mushroom in a panic as I just wanted to feed it. It was late I was tired and not thinking. Safe to say it didnt eat them.

we are unsure where it is living tho. As our garden is secure - cus of Oz

however there is a small gap under our gate which I have seen Mr. Rat use on occasion so did it use that? or the big pile of wood we've had on the patio for months and months, is it living in there? it would make a good home actually. I need a thermal camera. If it is using the gate to the outside world, I dont know where it would actually live. I have meal worms for the birds and I am gonna leave some for the hedgehog tonight. I hope it keeps coming

I went back to bed at 1am. Shattered.

so today was the last day of the school term. We broke up for summer holidays now

I HATED my day it was hot and humid in the school, i was shattered and my body felt incredibly heavy. I felt like a slave. Just constantly doing crap for teachers. It went on and on and time passed so slowly. I could have cried everything felt like a huge effort, i was tired and working in hot and humid places. Hell. Couldnt wait to finish. as soon as it hit 1pm I was out the door

I got home, scoffed fruit loaf and went to bed.

I managed to get an hours sleep but felt no better, it was just good to have the escapism

I had tea and did dinner and yeah I havent done anything. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I just need rest and actual sleep. I didnt exercise as I literally couldnt move my heavy body so I had a nice hot soak. 

I might try doing some digital drawing

perks of my day - a doughnut, someone gave me a colouring book, someone gave me a bouquet of sunflowers, cards of thank yous. so that was all nice

it is nice knowing that school is bloody over with. My only concerns is I struggle to structure my days and I am a bit anxious about wasting my holidays. I also worry about going back in august as I wont want to go back.

tomorrow morning i will put the stew on then me and jack are going for an ice cream as a finishing school treat 

Last day of school tomorrow, it can't come quick enough

 Konbanwa

Despite having an early night, being in bed at 8:30pm I still didnt sleep T^T

I turned my switch off at 9:15pm as I couldnt keep my eyes open much longer, but Jack also turned his off, he can fall asleep much quicker than me so I tend to turn mine off first and try fall asleep before him as I normally find it hard to sleep if he is sleeping. And yes he fell asleep instantly. I on the other hand just couldnt sleep, I just laid there and laid there with a 1000 thoughts through my head. I got up and took pain killers as I was hurting by now. 

I went back to bed around 11:30/midnight, climbed back into bed and heard Jack say, rather venomously "fat face twat" I looked at him cus I thought "did he say that to make me laugh??" but he said it was such venom that I didnt think it was a joke, then i thought "he saying that to me?" no, he was just asleep XD

he was moving a lot in his sleep, biting on teeth, snoring and yeah could have smothered him. I woke up at 5:50am and got up as I knew if I fell asleep and woke up to my alarm 20mins later - id be peed off. I didnt want to start my day annoyed. Monday mornings are annoying in their existence as it is

I woke Jack up and asked him what he had been dreaming of, he said at some point head of science was in his dream which was probably why he was raging off in his sleep >.> I dreamed of granny and showing my bridesmaid dress to her~

so today we had 2 people come in to school to be interviewed for the other half of my job. As it happened, both were from Hong Kong. what were the odds! both were guys. One was like middle age one looked anywhere between 25-39, I couldnt judge his age.  i kinda struggled with their accent a bit as they have only been in the country for a year and knew no engish before they came. That amazed me. They spoke so well for only being in a country 12 months and having to just learn a language that late in life. I havent really spoken to a chinese speaking person before so I am not used to the accent but I will get there. the older guy was much more sciencey than the other and so he got the job.

I got home and rested a bit with Oz who couldnt wait to lick my face and give me affection, hes such a lovely bun <3 mum came for lunch and bought Oz's little lunch box to which he took his piece of apple out of it its very cute. Mum left in a hurry as it began to rain and she had left the girls outside. I went to bed and woke up 2 hours later....yeah I was shattered.

I got up and had a brew with Oz and then decided to do some Just Dance and I stayed on there for 35 straight minutes. I was dripping but I enjoyed myself. Jack came home, I had a shower then he did. I was too hot for a bath. We had dinner now its hobby time I guess.

I will do some digital drawing i think.

Tomorrow

its the last day of school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god yaus!!!!! Thank god, finally. It felt like this day would never come!!

So we start normal time but finish at 1pm then we're done~~~ so I am staying an hour later so me and Jack can go home together. 

forgot and couldnt be arsed

 Evening

Well first I genuinely forgot to do my diary then I kinda just couldnt be bothered!

Basically friday had school, Jack had gaming, I had the girls, I had reflex

Saturday, went food shopping, had girls to play with ^^ Jack was out from 2pm til 12:30am with Chris and friends to go to a boardgame cafe, pizza and drinks

Today mum came to collect her girls, Ive done some art, we went for a walk

I have been DEAD all weekend from reflex as that is what reflex does to me. But Charlotte told me that people still came to her in 42c no one cancelled!! I couldnt bare for anyone to touch me in that heat why would you want a massage, Id feel sick!

I feel like I have been by myself a lot lately but thats fine I have had years by myself keeping myself entertained. I am glad Jack has a life and goes out.

I enjoyed having the sows they are no trouble and I think Oz enjoyed having them.

Gonna do dinner, have a bath and an early night. I am so tired. I havent had a nap all weekend and Jack woke me at 12:30am as I heard him round the house. 

tomorrow is school

sodding school

like every other school has bloody broke up for summer but not my skanky school

we have 1 and a half pointless days of kids just watching films in class no doubt. Actually I know thats not the case as teachers have actually got to teach theyre not allowed to stick a film on. Skanky school. The last days of the year at my old school were a complete doss!!! 

dont wanna go

we survived, return of the double baggage

 Evening

Did anyone in the UK sleep last night? I have double bags! woo my double under eye bags are back!! It has been such a long time since I slept through the night that my insomnia look is back~ yup I have 2 bags under my eyes, if I look down I can see them!

Anyway last night

It did not cool down, it was 30c with humidity. I would have killed for an AC. It was depressing doing all my skin care and it was HOT. The liquid was hot and this morning the liquid was warm so I have put them in the fridge to reset

so we went to bed but I was very much feeling 'whats the point' Jack some how managed to get off to sleep. How!? I of course didnt. I was moving constantly as I was aching but also the bed felt 1000c were I was laying on it so I kept moving to a new position for 'cooler' bed sheets. 

I heard it begin to rain and within the first 2 minutes I could SMELL the rain. It was beautiful.

I got up, took more pain relief, and sat with the back door open, on the inner porch step and listened to the rain, had warm breeze on my face and looked at art on instagram. shortly, the rain stopped T^T it was very short lived, 30mins most. So I went back to sleep and did manage to get some sleep but it wasnt great

the alarm went off and I about through it out my window. I was so done with life. Jack got up and opened everywhere up. We unfortunately can only have our bedroom windows open at night as we live in a bungalow and so, we dont wanna get robbed if we leave the other windows open as it would be easy I think. so the house gets HOT. I eventually got up. I felt sick, achy and just done. I was gonna just sack the day off and have the day off due to heat exhaustion but its more hassle that its worth so I decided to work from home.

I had a shower as soon as Jack left as I felt GRIM. It did wake me up a bit too. I did feel better for it. I could feel everywhere warming up again. I had Oz in with me whilst I worked from home. I drew this today for work for a  display but didnt finish it til this afternoon as I didnt work solidly for 4 hours this morning. Mum came over for a brew at 11am. She was telling me about how they didnt cope ether yesterday. I told her that Jack got in the car at 4:00pm yesterday and the car said 47c and his sun glasses were melting.

I had lunch and went to bed for an hour. I had felt sickly all morning and generally rough so I thought some sleep would help. I woke up an hour later and was sweaty, it had warmed up >.> I felt like crap, literally no better for some sleep.

I finished the picture for work

I saw Jack briefly, he came home, went toilet, got changed and went back out for the science evening out. It was an escape room and mexican food. so I havent really seen him today I hope hes having a nice time and isnt too late home

I had my dinner, I tried making thai curry differently and it was ok a bit more citrusy that usual

I managed a 30min weight work out which felt like an achievement to do, had my 2nd shower of the day and now I am sat with the face sheet on which has been in the fridge with my skin care. I have made another 'ice cream' to have later as I have earned it as Jack is out for food tonight

I have got a lot done today tho I think to make up for yesterdays long day of hellish nothingness

so I did laundry, made the girls cage up for their stay this weekend, washed up twice (jack wont be in to wash up, made a curry, worked out, made jack's lunch for tomorrow. Just felt much more productive. I might even wrap Jack's present tonight as well if I am in the mood.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo grateful it is cooler this evening and may even RAIN tonight

tomorrow 

its school, mum and Jack have both said to me separately that if I still feel rough tomorrow to not go into school but I shall see. 

42c.....T^T

 Evening

Did anyone in the UK sleep last night? probably if you have fitted AC in your bedroom but for 99% of us we suffered and hoped a fan would solve our heat issues. It did not. My god it was hot when we went to bed. We woke up loads and when the alarm went off I had so much sweat on my whole head it was like my hair was wet from shower

I didnt feel great this morning, I felt sickly, headachy and shivery. shivery...how? it was 25c at 6:30am Jack said I might have a bit of head stroke so he made a gross medicine drink that replenishes your sugars and salts. He made me promise id drink it as in the moment I think I would have bought it up

He left for work, I was instantly worried about him. He text me to say the prep room was already 32c. Sweet jesus.

I did eventually pick up once I had that drink and something more to eat, I did have spend some quality time on the toilet. Yeah I think I did have heat stroke. My body is very fragile.

I got a bit of work done but loads. It was hot and my brain felt like fried eggs. Jack told me not me not to worry as no one was doing much at school. 

During school apparently kids were sent home saying they felt unwell. no one should have been in school. it reached 42c today. Jack said the car was 47c when he got in it at 4pm

Mum came over, I gave her the option of coming, she had lunch which was nice then she left around 1ish

usually I would have a sleep around then and I was planning on catching up on sleep I had missed out on during the hot night however, the heat ramped up. I did not know what to do with myself, going from floor to floor trying to find a cooler spot but none such existed 

there was a breeze outside that literally blew warm air

I have done my best for Oz, I even sheered him a bit more and fetched him grasses and plants, fridge water, I have put some of his blankets in the freezer and I will see if he wants them later. hes only just started panting and its not hard panting. I literally can not do more for the bun, short of dunking him in cold water which would kill him. 

I hope he will be ok tho he does worry me

mum has tried her best for the girls too bless them, she sent me photos and they look like dead pigs

I finished a painting last night which was a nice little victory. I dont think I will do anything tonight as its too hot, my head hurts and so does Jack's 

told him we should sack tomorrow off if we both feel crap cus we wont sleep again today will we.

i feel so let down by school, they try and get as much out of you for nothing. we have not been looked after at all.

Its suppose to rain tomorrow, i feel like I will be raining tears of relief when it does

makes me wonder if the weather has killed anyone off during this week

No one wanted to be there

 Evening

I managed to get some sleep last night. Weirdly we both woke up for 2 wees but didnt notice one another getting up in the night. I didnt want to get up for school

So this morning my anxiety was through the roof like I was gonna be having a blood test or something. I was a wreck in the car - poor Jack driving. I was anxious about how hot school was gonna be and it making me feel unwell. I didnt want to feel unwell or get heat stroke.

We walked into the prep room 7:45am    28c

Yup

It was hot and quickly reached 30c and that was after we have opened up the windows and put the fans on. No one wanted to be in school today, unless youre the head teacher and you have a big room to yourself with AC. The kids didnt wanna learn, teachers didnt wanna teach. We had emails from parents refusing to send their children in.

The whole day was pointless. 

I had a headache and felt sick but it was just the constant humid heat.

I got my jobs and Jack suggested I take work home for tomorrow and work from home

I got home and my first priority was to open up the windows and bring my lad in to see if he was ok. He was ok actually and I have been giving him fridge water, carrot and apple today. Along with going out in the heat to pick him greens. He is well looked after and the curtains are drawn so sun cant get him. Hes just been flopping round the lounge but at least hes safe. Mum  has been doing her best for girls also

Mum came to see me for lunch then she left me and I went to sleep for almost 2 hours, i didnt do much once i was up as it was too hot to focus on anything. It is 38c or something crazy. I had a cold bath and made sure I was out before my hot Jack got home and aw bless him he did look warm. I put stuff on his skin to calm it down. Last night watching RWBY i massaged his hands and feet for him

I might try do some painting later, I just keep feeling sick and headachy but I dont wanna waste my whole day.

tomorrow

guess i am working from home. its suppose to be like 40c tomorrow. at least jack will have the car and I can keep Oz safe all day.

its gonna be a rough couple of days

 Evening

It's hot 

need I say more

Tomorrow its gonna be like 40c so more like 50c in the prep room. We will die. I am concerned about keeping my bunny cool. He is my priority and so far I have been totally on it in keeping him cool and hydrated. It's gonna be 25c at 5am in the morning....ouch....

so yeah I just gotta get on with it then come home to care for Oz. I hope my Jack copes when the sun hits the prep room TT^TT my poor Jack....

suppose to rain all day wednesday. we will all be wishing for wednesday to come

wish me luck 

it can't be 40c next week, it just cant be

 Evening

Man why is it so freakin' hot!? ahhhh no more please no more

and next week, I could not believe my eyes, its predicted to be 40c.....the hottest on UK record. No one will survive next week. There has already been some school closers, is mine on the list? eh no. course not. The school across the road from ours however has said they closed monday tuesday. Obviously they have it hotter over the field to us. Or more likely, they actually care about staff well being >.>

I will be going school. Jack told me I can work from home. But I only do that if I am not good. I am gonna go, if I die on monday I will have tuesday off sick. simple. cus whatever degree it is outside, stick 10 more for the prep room. we have asked for AC because we have chemicals that have lower boiling points (some as low at 38c) and so we need to safely store them. But when we asked we got the response of "no you cant have AC because you might use it when its not needed therefor costing us money" BS. they just dont care about us and dont wanna spend money on us. Someone will get poorly from the heat.

So school was ok and after school I went to a shop with mummy for just householdy things nothing great I was so tired tho as I needed a sleep but I dont get to go out with mummy much and it was also a lot cooler yesterday. today is 28c tho >.>

I didnt exercise yesterday as I literally had nothing more to give. Jack was home late due to crappy buses, the night went on and on I was still doing stuff at 8:20pm. I didnt fall asleep til gone 11:30pm

This morning, Jack got up early and did some gardening with Oz before it got too hot, I was in bed til 8:40am. We had breakfast together which was nice then we both got on with chores before it got too hot. I cleaned Oz out and cleaned the bathroom.

I did some painting and got red paint on my white sleeve. To say it is stained and ruined is an understatement. I am not happy

I went to bed after lunch as I needed sleep

did not expect to be asleep for 2 hours tho....my god I must have been tired. 

Then pretty much just chilled out and painted and stayed hydrated. Cant do much else as its boiling. I have kept Oz in and given him water and plants and anything he wants 

I did dinner and watered the garden. 

Think we are about to do our food shop its 6:20 so probably leave at 6:30pm and go spend some time in AC supermarkets~~

I might do some exercise when i get home or I might just dive in the bath I shall see

tomorrow it is suppose to be hell. I am unsure what we will do tomorrow......

Why is it so hot T^T

Slightly cooler today -_______-

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night even tho Jack wasnt in bed. I think it helped as it was cooler and so I didnt need to have the fan on. I find it hard to sleep with the fan on. Its too noisy and stuff. 

I felt tired this morning tho

School was still stuffy and humid despite it being a bit cooler

I got a lot done and had to trial a practical with head of biology which was unexpected and made me very nervous. It actually went fine. I got to talk to Julia's daughter again ^^ she talks to me and jack loads but barely speaks in front of her mum. So strange. Julia doesnt criticise. ever. My dad criticises everything I say or do, hence why I dont speak in front of him. Makes me wonder why she doesnt speak in front of Julia. Its sad. Her confidence is on the floor. So I make the effort to talk to her when i can ^^ 

I went home for lunch but got fuel on my way home >.> my car is so unwell. That gearbox is gonna break any time soon....I just know it....My dad knows and is gonna check the car out at the end of the month as its due an MOT then anyway but yeah I am half expecting to just die on me. I hope not as its been my best car EVER I love my car but its an automatic and doesnt like changing gears....

I saw mummy for lunch and she had kindly bought my Ozwald in. She had brought Jack a really heavy and dense sausage roll for his dinner, I will do him some chips with it.

I fell asleep for an hour then i got up and worked on Jack's birthday card cus I really need to do him one before we break up. I then made a cake ready to go in the oven. I had my dinner with Oz. 

Jack has been having a late session at school's warhammer club. As I think its the last session of the year? possibly? not sure. So hes not finishing til 5:30pm but he doesnt think he will get out til 6pm due to clearing up and putting the classroom to right. So when hes on the way home I will put my cake in the oven then get his dinner ready for him for when hes home as he will probably be hungry. He will probably be home just after 7pm I am guessing.

Im gonna get my exercise done whilst he is travelling so i can serve his dinner up when he arrives and go grab a bath~

Tomorrow

is friday!!! Woohoo! and I believe Jack has his friday gaming session. Ahhhh another day of less Jack-time for me T^T

I told people how special I am

 Evening

I got some sleep through the night but it was another hot one. Its going to be 34c on Monday T^T 34c and no house in the UK has AC and hardly any buildings ether have  AC. Its gonna be HELL.

I felt like i needed more sleep tho I have to say but I got up and put my BBQ sausage stew on. I had Oz in but took him outside for 20mins as it was cooler out there

School was lovely and humid sweet jesus that place is death

I happily told a few science teachers about my assessmenty thing yesterday I finished with "the whole thing made me fell very special" to which Luke and a physics teacher said "you are very special" together XD and head of physics commented that "thats one word for it" XD as im always calling him Autistic. To be honest my relationship with me makes me laugh as hes like 50 odd and very reserved and proper but somehow I have brought him down to my level, he actually plays with my humour and its good as I never see him like that with anyone else, even Jack, who works closely with him. Jack says I have been a bad influence on him XD

head of science also came to ask how I got on

I practiced a practical with  head of biology and I put her display up, its not finished yet

I came home and mum had arrived she went to bring loaf in, we had lunch then she left as she could see I was tired. I was just really tired. Turns out she went to sleep when she got home!! I am putting it down to the weather.

I got up and sat in the lounge on my laptop as Jack wanted me to make sure no more ants were coming and so far so good. Actually havent had an ant yet! Oz is still being kept inside so he cant play in the ant powder as we are not sure if it toxic to pets and not taking that chance.

I did a 30min work out then had a cold bath, I got cold!! I was so cold but it was good to bring my body temperature down. Jack came home and had the bath he was very grateful for. We had dinner and hes got 10mins to get to his brother's gaming session on time, he has already had the reminder text message....makes me determined to get him to gaming on time!

I will be by myself tonight but thats fine. i havent done any painting yet today so I will go do some painting. Oz can loaf in here I am sure. I cant face watering my garden tonight. I have done it every damn day this week -______- I also got bit on my leg whilst working out and that hurts when I walk on it. Best be better tomorrow

tomorrow

just school, nothing special, counting down the days as I think 26th is the last day!

Mia says the bridesmaid dresses have arrived

ADHD Autism meeting, I tick A LOT of boxes XD

 Evening

It took me til about 11pm to sleep, then I kept waking up cus its hot! Yup it was stupid hot....

this morning I got up with Jack and had breakfast with him and Oz. He left for school and I did jobs and and sat round with Oz til 8am then I did a half hour work out, thought I may as well before the heat really kicks off. I then had a cold shower which was nice and needed

I saw the psychiatric nurse with mum around 9:45am, I was so nervous. Why? we were only gonna be talking about me and how I think. It went on for 2 and half hours. Jeez. I wrote loads!!! I was so done. I can't believe I filled both the ADHD section AND the Autism section. I didnt realise how Autistic I am. I think cus I have always had my brother and seeing his autism and not being like that I kinda thought 'thats not me' but its such a broad spectrum I guess. The nurse seems to think I will get some sort of assessment if not both assessments XD yup I am THAT retarded XD I had to laugh through it cus if not i would just feel really different and crap. She told me to feel good about myself as I had learned how to get by in life and adapt to society the best I could with no help. How far I had come and my brain just works a bit different is all.

I had lunch with mummy then she left as I was so drained. I felt as mentally drained as if I had been work! So I had an hour on my bed with Hammington.

The humidity really rammed up in the afternoon, the sun wasnt out but yeesh the humidity was crazy. I was just sweating loads it was like being in a rain forest. Its really cloudy so its gonna be a warm night -______- Jack had been hot today bless him. I was cutting up stuff for stew so he wouldnt have to. He came home and made his lunch and did some washing up then we did dinner which was tasty.

Then he helped me with the last bit of my form which was just box ticking. I watered the garden and took Oz home who has been in 12 bloody hours and he still didnt want to go home! he is greedy and always wants more >.> he is practically a house bun. He hasnt been able to play out today due to the ant powder outside. We have had 2 flying ants in today thats all and there is a lot of dead ants outside ^^ its working but we are gonna leave it there at least another day so thats Oz in all day again tomorrow.

We will watch anime and play pokemon in bed that will be our evening. i have been doing my painting it is coming on its just slow

tomorrow

it is school ugh. Its gonna be hot. Also the lady who was interviewed yesterday for the other half of my job has turned the job down, cant blame her!

It was just a bad weekend

 Evening

I didnt do my diary at the weekend as I had a sucky weekend, I was in a bad mood and writing about it all would probably have angered me further. Yeah I felt actually angry at the weekend which is odd for me. It was like, if one more thing went wrong - I would have snapped and lost it. Thats how I felt

I woke up late on Saturday cus Id been up til 2am in pain, I had 30mins to get ready before mum came to pick me up. I had to give her girls a  hair cut then she gave me cake. i came home to find Jack cleaning the kitchen. We then cleaned the  house. It was hard work. We had ant trouble again, my frying pan handle snapped, I couldnt cook the dinner I had planned as I was down a frying pan, I was hot and bothered. I couldnt walk from one of my house to the other without sweating as the humidity is crazy in this country. I felt off and then had to go out food shopping which felt like a massive chore. 

Sunday I had woke up late again I think cus I was shattered. We went out for a new frying pan (the car at 11am said it was 33c), I cleaned the bathroom, I had to deal with the ants again. Just a lot of things felt like they were testing me at the weekend you know? I made Jack very aware of how I was feeling and I could tell he actually gave me space. He doesnt really sweat whereas I sweat for the both of us. Luckily i dont stink otherwise my life would be hell.

So last  night it was another humid  hot night and I woke up what felt like every 30mins man. I was ok getting up for school just anxious.

I met the lady who came to interview for my jobs other hours as I am part time now, she seemed very nice and around my mums kinda age. I wonder if she got the job? given shes our only applicant I bet she got it.

School, well we walked into the prep room at 7:50am I checked a thermometre, 30c.

yup 30c, it was gonna be a hell of day

I quickly got my jobs done then went to do any sitting down jobs I could do in the office, as the science office has air con and it was a dream. I was actually cold with goosebumps in there!! I wasnt complaining tho.

I then left for home where I sweated to death in my hot car

I got home and had lunch with mummy, I fell asleep very quickly on my bed for an hour

I did some painting, I killed some ants, just waiting for Jack to come home then I will do dinner, work out then cold bath. Cold cold bath

Tomorrow

Im seeing a psychiatric nurse to talk about ADHD and Autism and she is gonna help me fill out the mammoth form and hopefully this should get me an assessment for like 6 years time.

I am anxious about it and not looking forward to it as I have been putting this off for months now.

Still its better than going to hot school

Oz has our only fan to himself, keep the bunny cool bless him. He seems to be doing ok in the heat just because we are doing our best to keep him cool and safe.

I want rain.....

attack of ant 2022

 Evening

Man I could no way sleep last night. I hurt, I was hot, I could not get comfortable at all.

I went back to bed at 1:30am but still took me til past 2am to sleep

I just wanted to get the day done when i woke up for work

School was warm -______- so humid and hot its awful. Luckily I leave before the peak of the heat of the prep room. I did the jobs Jack asked of me, I briefly saw Lizi and I didnt get to do my display stuff. Well I got a lil bit of it done but not as much as I had in mind T^T

I came home and had lunch with mummy, whilst talking to mum after my food I noticed a flying ant in the living room, then an ant. I didnt think much of it as I knew it was flying ant day yesterday.

Last year we suffered a terrible thing. Upon flying ant day - when ants flee the nest, we discovered how many little holes were on the outside of our house, we had loads of ants pouring into our lounge. It was like something out of a horror movie. We did not want to experience such horror again so we filled the wall holes in a month or two ago

but today I decided to just look behind my sofa - where they all came in from last year

and much to my horror I discovered, the same thing was happening

mum said I was like a woman possessed XD i moved the sofa out the way and grabbed the hoover and was sucking up as many ants per second I could

I asked mum to go outside to see what we were faced with. Turns out the ants have dug through were the house and floor meets, and then crawled up the inside of the wall and coming out of a hole behind the radiator. Mum went to put ant powder down, I was spraying the ants I was sucking them up. Mum kindly emptied my hoover outside as it was full of live ants -______- its was horrible.

My face was flushed I was dripping with sweat, dripping. I felt itchy and hot, I hurt my back being on my hands and feet hoovering ants and being tense as hell.

I was so grateful of mum being there for back up 

She asked once that horror was over (after a boiled the kettle on creeps) if she should go

as originally i wanted to catch up with my sleep but I said to her the was no way I could sleep after that I was too wired to sleep

she stayed til 2:30pm then i did a workout and then laid in cold bath for 30mins and just chilled the hell out.

I got out the bath and jack came home, he went in the bath which I think he was grateful for

i filled him in with my afternoon, we said this summer holiday we will removed the radiator off the wall and patch up holes this side of the wall rather than the outside.

I can not go through that a 3rd time.

we had dinner and I trimmed Oz's fur on his tummy it was very cute and he just let me do it bless him.

I wrote out the shopping list, watered the garden really well

got to choose my pokemon I want to play on pearl with so Jack can catch them for me. I have got to write down what I want to do in the holidays and do 10mins of hobby time

where has the time gone today??

Not sure what we will do later as its so hot the lounge, the school behind us are having their summer BBQ so all we can hear is that. Ive been listening to their bouncy castle fan pump things droning since 3pm. ugh

tomorrow

I will clean Oz out, then mum is picking me up at 9:30am so I can go over to her house and play Sow Salon, the girls want a hair cut as its hot. Their claws may want doing too. Mum has baked a cake so I am more than happy to go over XD

I then want to dust my house as its really bothering me now, I need to clean the bathroom and do a food shop. Basically there will be zero Jo Time tomorrow but Sunday should be better, i hope

just no more ants, please

few health things

 Evening

I sat and busied myself last night, I started a bit of digital drawing. I sat down and I started thinking about my summer holidays, my summer holidays that are starting this month. A wave of anxiety just came over me. I had to cuddle Jack whilst he gamed, he offered to leave his gaming but I said I would be fine and went to play on my switch in bed

I actually slept alright last night considering Jack wasn't in bed with me, I could hear him nerding out upstairs tho. 

The alarm went off and I thought "screw it Im sleeping" I think Jack could tell I wasnt getting up as usually im up as soon as the alarm goes off. I made sure he was up all I said to him was "bring Oz in, leave him and put the wheelbin out" XD That was the last of him. I mean I think he kissed my head before he left but Im not sure if I dreamed that XD

I got up in time for work but the extra hour in bed was appreciated

I was greeted by my loaf who was in the living room alone

I got ready and got on with some work. It was all art work so it was a nice morning. I laid out display paper on my kitchen floor (needed a large flat area) and drew out metre long tree roots for a display. Looks quite good up to now but what the teacher wants to put on it is only gonna ruin it T^T shes dead happy with these free resources she found online and wants up. Theyre crap and are an insult to design.

Once I had finished my work I took a break on my bed for half hour to get me out the work mindset and then mum came for lunch she was with me for a while and I said I really wanted to get out. I didnt feel like crap, I didnt feel it would do me much good to be left alone all day really, I just wanted to go out!

So mummy took me down to The Range, she got a few bits and I got stuff for Oz, a lamp for Jack as hes been wanting one to use for warhammer painting for a while now, I also got canvases which is what I went for and a few paints~

She then dropped me off home and that was enough for me. I had been out but not killed myself off. We literally went in for what we needed and didnt browse the entire shop. So happy I finally got new canvases I have 2 ideas I wanna paint. I brought 4 canvases

I chilled out with a brew and Oz then unpacked my stuff

I then decided to do some exercise, I managed 30mins and my god I was so sweaty afterwards just simply cus its so damn hot! I didnt shower cus I was having korean noodles for dinner in  a hot living room so I would sweat. 

Jack came home and I was finally reunited with him ^^ I did him a pizza and I had my noodles, I had sweat droplets coming off my arms like actually dripping. Wow man I sweated

We talked a bit after dinner and then I went for a much needed bath

Now I need to do my 10min of hobby time. Its 7:15pm so I have the time.

Tomorrow 

school and its friday so last day of the week, I hope to put my display stuff up which I did today

I had an awful text message through today - from my GP surgery 

along the lines of 'further studies have shown that people taking Pregabalin are twice as likely to suffer birth defects if pregnant. If pregnant or trying to be pregnant please contact your GP. Please continue to use your prescribed contraception'

now if i was pregnant, how F'ing scary would that text be!? that text could have caused a breakdown for some poor woman out there. I feel that should have been a telephone call, if by the receptionist even if the doctor is too busy to call, you know?

this is the second time this has happened to me where a medication has had further tests and found out even worse side effects. The first time was with Morphine (which I was prescribed at 19) I was on it for 7 years and they found out it takes years off your life/limits your life span. Yeah I had come off by the time these studies were released but I wouldnt have gone on it if I knew that!!!

Ive also got an appointment through to see a psychiatric nurse, on Tuesday. Shes actually mum's friend and has given me some of her time to talk to me about ADHD/Autism and help me fill in the ADHD/Autism form I had to get from the GP. Thats happening Tuesday morning.

my increase in antidepressant is killing my skin I have eczema on my wrists and lips and its so sore no matter what I try put on it TT^TT 

getting display stuff done

 Evening

I was up til midnight with Jack, cus I was in a lot pain. I was so tired of it all

this morning at school, I worked hard~ I was working hard on my displays, I got a lot done. But ended up pushing myself and not really taking breaks ^^; yup, my bad

It was hurting to walk by the end of my shift. It  was a good shift as it was mainly art and got to talk to a science teacher about the baby hamster she bought at the weekend she was asking for advise

I just wanted it XD

Jack walked me to the car as I decided to take some display stuff home with me as I am going to work from home tomorrow as my legs hurt and I dont want to ruin my weekend for the sake of going to work

but it feels good to be getting displays finally ticked off

I came home and got Oz in, mum was late coming over but that was fine. She bought me some chicken which I cut up and put in the slow cooker. It such a relief to not deal with mouldy chicken. Last night I had a candle lit then an incense stick cus I could smell the chicken.

We had lunch then mummy left so I could go bed. I slept for 45mins. I needed longer but I was aching. I got up and did a few jobs, then had a brew then did 50mins of yoga, during which I was sexually harassed by that bunny. Yeesh >.> 

I had a bath as I was sweating, its really humid the sun isnt out but the humidity is strong

Jack came home and im gonna serve dinner when hes out the bath, I totally forgot he had gaming with his brother! so I will be by myself tonight which is fine. I need to make the effort to do some digital work. 10min of hobby time will be digital art, I have an idea what I will draw its just if I can actually draw it!

tomorrow

I am working from home and then mummy is coming for lunch, Jack will be home late as hes doing warhammer club after school

I hope I can sleep tonight

off chicken

 Evening

To say how much I ached last night, I did in fact sleep. I woke up at 1am for a wee and got back to sleep I dreamed of having granny in my old bedroom and I was showing her some of my clothes and just talking to her. Ahhhh what I would give to be able to see and talk to my granny again

This morning I didnt feel like total utter death which was nice

School was ok it was a bit dull at times, I didnt work my ass off in the slightest. I kept getting distracted and just was not in the mood to work XD but I did whatever Jack asked of me. It was so humid in that prep room tho I have to say.

I came home to find mum and Oz in the living room which was nice. We had lunch together and then she left me at 1:30pm, I went to collapse on my bed. In the end i thought "sod it I cant sleep" over an hour had passed...I had clearly been to sleep and not realised it! how does that even happen!?

So I got up and went on my laptop to look at jobs but nothing came to mind and I watched youtube videos. Jack came home and we did dinner which took like 2mins ^^ then we went to cut up stuff for curry tomorrow morning but when I opened the chicken that was still in date by 3 days...the smell....it turned my stomach and some bits had gone a light green. Yup not nice. I felt sick. So mum is going food shopping tomorrow I rang to ask her for some chicken. Sometimes I have stuff in the freezer as back up but typically I dont this time! But the smell of off chicken is so bad its been a long time since I have smelt that unpleasant smell....might go light my candle

We're about to have the final doughnott from yesterday I cant wait

then I will do a work out, bath, maybe water my garden and yeah chill out and go bed

tomorrow is just school and seeing mummy after school

made a crime scene

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, I hurt too much to sleep -____- i didnt wake Jack up as I didnt want him to be tired for his job interview. So I was up, by myself, til 1am. I was shattered

I managed to grab some sleep but no where near enough

We both went to school but Jack left me in the car park to go get the tram to the city centre

I went into school

I made a little crime scene in the corridor which I quite enjoyed doing actually. It was creative and made a change for me. took me 90mins too. I had a cup of tea with Julia but god Julia told me her life story I feel. She did not stop talking for an hour. And when youre shattered its hard to pay attention and look interested. I just wanted sleep I was fighting to stay awake. 

I made some fake vomit for class and tested it and that was my morning to be honest

I left for home and Jack said he had finished his interview by this point

we got home within half hour of one another and had lunch and Jack bought us a Doughnott each. We shared one after lunch we are gonna share another after dinner

I went straight to bed for almost 2 hours. I was so damn tired. It was near 4pm when I woke up!

we had a brew and then I sent jack to go order new pokemon games I want to get mine before they sell out!!!

We will have dinner which wont take much cooking as I have cooked most of it already

then I might go on just dance or do a grow with jo not sure yet, then bath and stuff

just wanted to get my diary done out the way whilst i am waiting round to do dinner

oh and Jack didnt get that job, he said someone else was farrrrrr more qualified than him for the job he was disappointed as he said the school looked amazing to work at and even kept a bearded dragon. Bless him, back to the drawing board. I need to start making an effort to look for a new job, i can maybe face it now? i am not sure to be honest.

tomorrow

is school, we have the year 8s i believe today but i cant remember what we're doing with them. hopefully nothing too stressful. 

i just hope i sleep tonight i am so low with it all

no Jack at school tomorrow

 Evening

I hadnt slept that well, I think I did manage to sleep even tho jack wasnt in bed but I just kept waking up so much -____- felt shattered this morning. Sick of feeling so energyless and dead

jack went out to cut the grass and I stayed inside with Oz this was all after breakfast

We went to B&M and TK at around 10:15am we picked up boring house hold stuff but also a few different sweet treats to try. We also got the final pot for the garden from TK my god theyre so much cheaper in there than garden centres and much more unique too. I dont know why more people dont go there. 

We came back and I was exhausted. Like I had ran a marathon and we had only been out 45mins

I had a brew and recovered enough to cook a load of meat for my lunches for the week and a couple of dinners. I had lunch then I went out to plant the plant in the last pot. The corner of the garden is such a feature now, we love it! I fished out the giant pumpkin out the garage too I always said we would have as a garden ornament. Much to jack's dismay XD

I also cleaned the washer. You're suppose to do it every 6months and I think its been since christmas we last did it so not bad at all! You have to take the tray out and clean in, clean the door rim, put stuff in the draw and let it to a 60c wash. Then I cleaned all outside and such. Yeah nice and clean. Sadly the first thing to go in next is Oz's toilet blanket XD my lovely clean washer full of orange carrot weewee XD

I did some painting but couldnt really get into it so I went to water the whole garden and all the house plants. I bought Oz in for fuss but he just wanted loaf in loaf lair 

I made a cake and did the dinner. We finished 2nd season of welcome to the demon school. It has been a brilliant series and I was sad we finished it but it left to be continued so we googled to find out season 3 is out in october!!! best news ever

then did a work out after dinner for half hour, it was one I had done before but it had about killed me off, I just dont have the energy today for some reason. 

I had a nice bath and did a facial and a facial massage. now just doing my diary then we will watch RWBY and play pokemon in bed. I still havent finished the league I forgot how drawn out it is at the end of sword and shield. Its nice its different but yeah I keep thinking "its about to end" but doesnt

tomorrow

bit of a different one tomorrow

its school for me but its an interview for Jack at another school to be a biology technician. So hes coming in the car with me but leaving me at school to go catch the tram into the city centre as the school hes going to is directly in the city centre and the tram stops outside it. His interview is at 8:50am. With any luck we will be home same sorta time

the other difference tomorrow is...no lessons! its 'enrichment week' at our school so all students are off timetable and depending on the year group it depends on what they are doing. Tomorrow we have the youngest year group doing our annual 'murder mystery' a teacher gets murdered.  So I have been asked (like every year) to 'set the scene' I get to put up crime scene tape across doors and create a little scene like where a body was found so I need to draw out a body on the floor. I hope I am allowed to do blood splats XD but I have permission to enjoy myself with it and Jack isnt there to make sure I dont make mess XD should be good. He said he also did  my job sheet ready for me to find monday morning (as I wasnt in on friday to see it) and he says its not much its basically display and murder mystery stuff. Its always odd when jack isnt in tho. 

I hope his interview goes ok.

Oz had such a good night

 Evening

So last night we had a Mon-a-Thon!!

I laid out the picnic blanket and cushions on the floor, I lit candles, shut the curtains, put Pokemon Lucario and the mystery of Mew, we played pokemon doing the pokemon league. We had Ozwald in the whole time and he was soooooooo happy. Honestly he loved being in. He was running on the blanket loads as he loves the sound of his feet on the blanket. I also gave him lots of fuss. Jack fussed him too but he always comes for fuss from me more than Jack so I ended up not finishing Shield just cus my bunny needed a lot of love. It was a good night, we ate sweet treats. Oz went to bed at 9:40!!! Thats so late for him bless him. He also conned us out of treats. Bet he thought it was his birthday or something yesterday. Spoilt bun

I went to bed and continued on pokemon, I took extra pain killers when I turned my switch off as I really wanted sleep. It was like 10:30pm when I fell asleep

I woke up at 2am for a wee but got back off to sleep! finally waking at 8am!! yay ^^

Felt like I had actually slept too

This morning I gave Oz lots of fuss then I cleaned him out

I then cleaned the bathroom, washed my face and got dressed and then did some painting

I died on the toilet massively, god it hasnt been that bad for a while

we had lunch then I went to bed for an hour but didnt really sleep as I was aching!

I got up and painted

had a brew and then we went to do food shop and got fuel. I called in at my parents for 5mins to see my brothers new bike hes so excited about. 

We came home and I died on the sofa, I was exhausted but needed to do dinner

I did dinner, had stomach ache after dinner which I still have 90mins after my dinner. Why must I suffer T^T

I then marinated meat that I am cooking tomorrow

Jack has gone off to game with Chris and friends. To play online board games

I would like to do exercise and paint my nails. I found a growwithjo thats an hour long of walking burning off like 500 calories. As Jack isnt around to see me exercise I could get away with doing an hour of exercise! but can do I even do an hour!? probably not XD so exercise, bath, nails. bed!

tomorrow

just got cooking to do really and some painting would be good

Had the day off sick and mon-a-thon

 Evening

So I couldnt sleep, but whats new!

I was up til 1am by myself in lots of pain. I didnt wake Jack as I knew he was so tired so I didnt want him to be up again. I overdosed and I ate a lot. Anything to make me feel better.

I went to bed and got some sleep, my alarm went off and I just felt awful. I just felt like i couldnt do life today. I couldnt cope with going to work, looking happy for people, driving home. Then I thought about working from home but I actually couldnt face that I was so tired I didnt feel like i could focus or sit at a desk for 4 hours working. jack had gone to bring Oz in and found me crying on the bedroom floor after he put Oz in the lounge. Whilst Jack was consoling me (think I was crying due to sheer exhaustion) Oz came round the corner he came to find me cus he knew I was upset, hes such a sweetheart. He licked my tears away bless him

Jack made me have breakfast and said to see how I felt after that. I wanted sleep and nothing more. He kindly phoned in sick for me. I couldnt do life today. I went to bed as soon as I ate which was 7am I didnt even see Jack off. I woke up at 10am. 3 hours later!!! jesus. I must have needed the sleep. I know some people dont sleep well but you have to think - i am depressed which is tiring, I am in constant pain which is tiring and I also take a tonne of medication which drains the life out of me. Its a miracle I function at all.

When I got up I had a brew with oz in the lounge who was really happy to see I was up, he had only been loafing on plush pad. 

I got dressed and washed my face and tried to face the day

mummy came to see me at 11:30am, she brought the girls over. We had lunch and potted a couple of plants in the garden. 

She left and I went to bed for an hour, I got up and did an hour of yoga during which Jack came home. We had noodles and then I ran I bath, I decided I would have a bit of pamper to make myself feel happier.

However my happiness was shortly lived as just as I went to start my pamper, my phone rang.

doctors

why? i dont have an appointment.

He was ringing to review my medication (controlled drugs need reviewing) and he asked how I was, if I still worked, how my mental health was.

I told him Ive been upset a lot lately, not coping, now working part time as I cant keep up, in pain and not sleeping. I might as well had said "all is well" as he literally said NOTHING. No fucks given!

I said thank you for him sorting my meds out as Id hate to not be able to get them. He put the phone down and I felt like I could have raged after that. Its the whole "who cares, youre long time sick and no cure get on with it"

I simmered in the bath but tried not to let my crappy doctor ruin my evening

as tonight me and Jack are having a pokemon night!!!!!

We're gonna put the picnic blanket down in the lounge with cushions, put Lucario movie on which I think came out 16 years ago now? play pokemon as we both have the pokemon league to do, and I want to start Pearl too. Were having a nerdy mon-a-thon! Never done this before. We said if Oz can stay awake long enough he can join us but he does usually like to be in bed for 7pm and its 7:10pm now XD

tomorrow

weekend~~